I'm cold and tired and I wish that would mean something. Really, really mean something. Sunburst, every inn bed I lay in is too small to hold everything that goes on in my head. I don't sleep much anymore. I lay in the dark and read my books by hornlight, even though my book on the history of Trotsky has a spine that will be beyond repair soon. I think I might have also lost a couple of pages in the last village I traveled through. My hooves are always aching from all the walking I do, but I never know where I'm going. Every day I set out with the sun and have to wish that I'm somewhere safe by the time it sets. Can anypony in my situation be blamed for feeling that the accursed sun goddess is out to get them?
I think that I might have prayed to her at one point, long ago. I'm not unique in that, though, and I hate that awful, empty word. Everypony has prayed to Princess Celestia and there is no end to the praise she is offered. How does she deserve it? How can anypony think they deserve that when we could all be making steps forward in order to find equality? Every tavern I stop at has some of the same awful rounds of talk, Sunburst. There are compliments to chefs and the bards that snag center-stage, even though they don't deserve it, those uncommon ponies. No talent that is had should be flaunted, and nopony understands why these types have to be scorned. I've been turned away and denied entry to some places because they falsely deemed me calling out boastful idiots as a good citizen 'improper conduct' and I would have to sleep in fields. Equestria, as a nation, is more focused on the protection of those who will NEVER deserve it instead of everyday ponies like me.
That needs to change. It needs to change so badly, my Sunburst. I'm tired of going nights without sleep. The nightmares are starting to hurt even after I wake up. I want to feel like a happy pony who lives a pain-free life surrounded by community and friendship. Equestria will never be that place because it is so vehemently against any form of equality. They send ponies who are groomed into placing value in all the wrong things off to fancy magic schools while their friends are left to SUFFER! Just close your eyes and think about what a world without royalty, academics, and everything that hurts me us.
I want to share that world with you so badly, my dearest Sunburst.
I wish for it so badly all the nights I spend alone.
I'm sure that somewhere, you're wishing for it too.
Why wouldn't you? How could anypony who loved me as much as I know you did think I deserve anything less? Sometimes, I've earned bits just by looking hungry enough in towns I cannot name. They slip them into my saddlebags or press them into my outstretched hooves. It's like they don't know how much I hate these wretched coins, with Princess Celestia herself carved on there to taunt me. I think that the innkeepers are starting to conspire against me, telling more ponies within their godsawful clique that I'm some alleged boogeymare they need to fear. Why do I think that? Well, it's nice of you to ask something (for once), Sunburst.
I think all the innkeepers within THIS WHOLE REGION! Everypony from the edges of Los Pegasus to Copse-Upon-Ghastly HATES me! And why? I call the terrible ponies in the community out, to leap off their high heath, and act like the rest of us! I speak about the cruelty of monetary systems and all the lies we're surrounded by obscuring a quest for greater equality, and they decide to go ON AND ON about how I'm unfit for their establishment. To Tartarus with all establishments! I'm not harassing anypony! I can wander the roads and meadows like anypony else because I know how to act like eveypony else instead of all those special snowflakes cursed with chatter about 'uniqueness' and 'concerns for public safety and the welfare of patrons'!
TO TARTARUS WITH IT ALL! To Tartarus with the ponies that think bits are a fair system and give me 'advice' on how to spend them, as if I needed food every day when a) there's grazing and b) if I don't write to you every single day, my sweetest of sweets, who will? I bought enough ink to fill the remaining space in my saddlebags. I managed to wedge it in a place where it won't spill all over my history of Trotsky and his comrades. I already have the weight of their executions on my mind, do I need to perform any more emotional labor through toxic social interactions with these bourgeois horseshoe-kissers?
All I need is that ink and the new scarf I got.
I hear it's cold on desert nights, and I have many steps to take before I can even reach the MacIntosh Hills. Nopony is going to find me out there, and I'll begin to work on my speechcraft in earnest. I'll build somewhere so secretive nopony will be able to find it, and there my like-minded and equal comrades will congregate for a life of labor and truth away from gods' eyes, where we all will get what we deserve.
I'll see you there, my one and only; forever and always Sunburst.