The past grows further from us as we change in both spirit and mind, but it still feels like yesterday.
“So......how is your day treating you?”
He simply sat there, his head down, staring at the carpeted floor with his good eye. His right, covered in bandages. There was no point for these visits, he knew that clear, but orders were orders after all, and Arche followed them down to the letter.
“How is the medication doing? You’re still taking it daily like we discussed, correct?”
The doctor wasn’t the problem, he was just doing his job. But what use was his services for Arche? Just talking about the incident is troublesome enough for the young admiral. As for the meds, he stopped taking them weeks ago. Nothing good could ever come from them, Arche knew that more than anything else. Yet the doc still required an answer.
“Yes.....it’s....doing well, doctor.”
His face brightened with a smile, proud of his patient. Arche hated to lie, but the last he needed was lectures from his own psychiatrist. No need to add more problems that could easily be avoided by keeping your mouth shut.
“Arche....do you think our time together has done well for you?”
Question after question, it was irritating. He could’ve easily lied like before, but Arche had an answer clear as day that he’s wanted to speak for quite some time. He looks over at his doctor, who eagerly awaited an answer, and muttered softly....”
“No.”
“Really? And why do you say that?”
Yet another question, is this all they do? Yet Arche should’ve expected this from the start.
“Every week.....I come here.....four o’clock.....on time....and I tell you the same things I have for the past several weeks. No, I’m not sleeping well. No, I don’t have a marefriend, and no, I don’t consider returning to the guard. Every time....the same answers.....nothing changes....and frankly....I don’t see it changing.”
“Your grief is still as strong as before.....seems you haven’t been honest about your medication.”
“Fine, you got me, I’m not taking the medicine. Doctor, I don’t see any use for it. My mind.....my thoughts....flow freely like an open stream. Ever focus.....if you twist my arm enough, and I decide to give in with those drugs, there’s no telling how it would change me.
“Change you? You’ll have to be more specific.”
“I’m a war horse, doctor.......responsible for things you’d never understand outside this office......drugs don’t help a war horse.....it only suppresses the urges. And the more it’s suppressed, the more dangerous it becomes.”
There’s a short silence, before the doctor speaks up again.
“What are your urges, Arche?”
He looks straight forward at the doctor, his good eye examining him thoroughly. Like before, this was something he could never lie about.....no matter what the reaction or results it would endure....this was how he truly feels.
“Revenge.”
The present arrives, that one word circling through Admiral Arche’s mind as he sat in his private estate in Canterlot. The memory of that day in the Everfree forest burned into his mind. Then strangely enough, he found himself remembering those words from his long forgotten psychiatrist.
“Your grief is still as strong as before....”
Of course he knew that his experience with the changelings that day could never be forgotten, but Arche had come to realize his grief and anger had now tripled since the wedding. No matter how much he tried not to mix his personal trauma with his duty as an admiral, a protector selected by Celestia herself to keep the light of Equestria brighter than ever, his sorrow consumed him.
The wedding was simply a reminder that he needed to protect his home. It had nothing to do with that day, or so he kept telling himself. A soldier just never mix personal experiences with the line of duty. There simply was nothing else to get. The wedding was a sign that Celestia still needed him. That retirement would only come when peace had truly returned to the lands. Yes, no doubt about that. Whatever his past, Arche was more focused to continue his service for his fellow pony, nothing more.
Arche decided to prove himself by going over his notes on the coming strategy against a hoard of nearby timerwolves. Making his way down to his private study in his basement, his ears perked up to a strange noise in the middle of the room. It sounded like a gruesome gurgling groan. Using his magic, he levitated a small match to a few candles on his work desk. What he saw as the light consumed the room would forever burn into his memory.
“NOOOOOAAAAAGHHH!!!!!”
He drops down, his stomach pressed against the floor. What stood before him left Arche speechless. His study now held a large glass vat, connected with strange wires and tubes hooked next to large machines with flashing lights. Within the vat, left Arche twitching. It was the corpse of the changeling he tortured mere hours after the Royal Wedding Massacre. His black scaled body covered in bruises, burns, and cuts. Large wires connected to its arms, legs, and face. There was even on the changeling’s eye. It was absolutely gruesome to see.
“No....no....no...no!”
That’s all Arche could mutter. This must’ve been a dream. Perhaps a long lasting side effect from the Everfree. He distinctively remembered disposing the changeling corpse outside of Canterlot, burning it like the savage creature it was. Yet there it stood, floating in a glowing green vat of its own blood. How long has it been here? Where did Arche acquire these machines? WHY on Celestia’s name did he still have it!?! Then in an instant, it all came clear. His mind wandered back to his doctor. What he told him before canceling their sessions from that day forth.
“You don’t want to forget what happened, Arche, you just can’t accept that it did happen. You think revenge will bring your comrades back. That kind of thinking isn’t healthy....for you....or for anypony. If you don’t let this go, and continue your life, there’s no telling what you’ll do.”
“My mind is open to the truth about this world, doctor. I will not be tampered with....and my war will never end.”
What stood before Arche was more than a corpse in a jar. It was a symbol of his anger, his revenge, the call to war, and it wanted out more than ever.