The curtain rose. Chrysalis was seated at a bar in what looked like a standard pub, while Maud stood behind the counter in a bartending outfit, washing a glass.
Maud shook her head. "Technically, she's a queen."
"Well, if she doesn't want to use that moniker, I think it's only appropriate she keep calling herself 'Princess Twilight.' "
Maud rolled her eyes at a glacial pace. "But she's not sharing power with anypony. It isn't like Luna and Celestia. She should be called a queen."
Chrysalis huffed. "Honestly, what was Celestia thinking? This is the same pony who made the entirety of Ponyville fight over a doll so she wouldn't be late with a friendship report, right?"
A purple alicorn princess-or-queen hid her head in her wings in the front row, though her snickering indicated she took it in better humor than that.
Maud gave a slothful shrug. "That was a long time ago. She's grown a lot since then."
"PFFT! Right! Her name was turned into a verb that means 'unproductively and dramatically freaking out' – the princess of friendship needs better friends, by the way – and she demonstrated that as soon as she was told she was taking over!"
Maud set the glass aside and fixed Chrysalis with a deadpan stare.
"And then her friends got her back on track, and she demonstrated the kind of leadership that proves Celestia made the right choice."
"Right, and are her friends going to always be there for her when she's in charge?"
Maud nodded slowly. "She formed a council of friendship, to help her run Equestria."
Chrysalis leapt to her hooves drunkenly, steadying herself with the stool. "Hah! See?! She is sharing power! Princess!"
"But she still has total power at the end of the day. Queen."
"But she's a mental wreck! Princess!"
Maud stared flatly at Chrysalis. "If that's your criteria for queen, then you don't make the cut either. Queen."
That got a roar of laughter out of the crowd as Chrysalis gasped in offense.
"How dare you?!"
A single eyebrow crawled up Maud's face like a caterpillar.
"What are you going to do about it? Throw a destructive tantrum and prove my point?"
Chrysalis huffed and sat down with her back to Maud, flicking her hair indignantly.
"A queen demands total obedience from her subjects. Princess."
"That's a difference of culture, not rank. Queen."
"A queen lays the eggs for the next generation! Princess!"
"That's a difference of biology. Also, eww."
Chrysalis scoffed. "Racist."
Maud stood like a statue for a moment.
"Worth it. Gross."
Chrysalis frowned, but then eventually nodded.
"Okay, yeah, I'll admit it's pretty gross."
Maud slowly pressed her advantage.
"Think about negotiations with other nations. Thorax is a king—" Chrysalis rolled her eyes at that "—and the hippogriffs have a queen. Even the gryphons know that nations are led by monarchs, even though they don't have one right now. Queen."
"Pfft, you think changing her title is going to make other nations respect the pony that set a bunch of parasprites to 'kill' mode with a simple magical screwup because she's so in awe of her mentor? Total Princess move."
A few post-traumatic stress laughs went up from the Ponyville crowd, and a pink alicorn princess looked in shock at her sister-in-law, who had applied a hoof to her own face with considerable force.
"She still outmaneuvered you at that wedding and got you blasted halfway across Equestria. Like a queen."
'YEAH!' rang out a cry of support for the princess-or-queen. It was the changelings' turn to give off shellshocked laughter.
"Nuh-uh! That was Cadance! Twilight was just a cheerleader for the real leader there, the princess of food. And cheerleading is a total princess move."
Maud blinked slowly. "I think she literally did cheerleading for Rainbow Dash at the Equestria Games at one point."
"See?! Totally a princess!"
"But she also took all of the power of Equestria into herself and fought Tirek to a standstill. Definitely a queen move."
Chrysalis opened her mouth to retort, but then thought about it.
"Okay, yeah, that was pretty queen-y of her. I used to do that with my hive to fight off serious threats."
"See? Queen."
"Yeah, well, she botched her own coronation! Princess!"
"She had a coronation. Two, actually. Queen."
Hoots went up from some of the assembled ponies.
"Yeah?! Well she looks stupid as an alicorn!"
One frazzled pony yelled, 'That's what I've been saying since season three!'
"You look stupid reformed."
"ALL changelings look stupid reformed!"
A universal murmur of agreement washed over the crowd.
"So does that make you a princess?"
"No!"
"See? Queen."
Chrysalis groaned. "They'll let anyone be a queen these days."
Maud nodded slowly. "Hence you being one."
A pink alicorn in the front row just went 'OOOOOH! Snap!'
Chrysalis glared at Maud.
"Bill, please."
The curtain fell to snickers and applause.