//------------------------------//
// Short Story Six:  Against the Morons 
// Story: My(stara's) Little Ponies:  Friendship is Adventuring 
// by JohnBiles 
//------------------------------//

Cunning Thought’s Entirely Honest Journal:

Immortals don’t need to sleep but I sometimes choose to, partly to confuse people but also because I find it helps me order my thoughts.

So I went to sleep, while manifesting one of my avatars, Bogdozan, in Hule, asleep, in front of a provincial High Priest, Icthar.  Mostly I wanted to see what he would do.  He made up, on the spot, a sermon about how this means Bogdozan wants us to strike at our sleeping enemies while they are vulnerable.  And that we should *not* sleep, not lose vigilance.

I could tell he wanted to rifle through my pockets, but wasn’t *that* bold.  I like him.  I decided to keep an eye on him and crafted a Watching Eye and left it, invisible, to study him and report in after a week.

I most easily scry through fire, but like any Immortal, I can make things to serve my purposes.  Since it doesn’t do anything beyond the reach of Mortals, it won’t draw the Council of Intrusion down on me.

If Icthar finds it and turns it into a servant, he will *definitely* bear watching.

I did a quick scan for Storm Soldiers and other morons of Thanatos; the whole city was free of them.  Good.

No sign of Sombra, either, who is still locked up, while Odin is busy stuffing himself with cheese or whatever he is doing.  Probably looking for omens and the like.  He’s one of the last survivors of the Immortal Storm and I know he fears another one will come in the future.

I just know that if all goes well, Thanatos won’t be around for it.

If all goes well.  I laughed at myself for even thinking that.

I slept and let myself dream; I could tell you what I dreamed of, but that would tell you too much if you’re sneaking in and reading this, Ivan.

Of course, I might be making this all up.  How would you tell?

He hasn’t tried to read my five hundred year diaries yet, which disappoints me.  Admittedly, he would have to *find* them.  

Only the totally fake version is easy to find.  I think I went kind of overboard on it.

This one stupid hero really did believe that I rode a meteor down from the Great Girdle, destroying Blackmoor with it, though.

Being eaten by a giant weasel was a just fate for him and I only wish I could take the credit.  Djaea didn’t even MEAN to kill him off.  

Allegedly, but then how did her alleged pet get loose, then get into a dungeon in the Broken Lands?

I tried to investigate once, but it got so implausible I decided I was better off not knowing.

I’m not a self-mutilator for knowledge like Odin.

Once I’d done enough brainstorming, then I decided I had to go see Far Sight.  It’s been too long.  And with Odin gone, I only have to worry about Thor catching me, which is very unlikely.

*****************	

Or about Heimdall, who I of course forgot still exists, because he is so boring.  What use is immortality if you spend it being a border guard?

I need to figure out how he worked Plane Shift into grappling and throwing; I flew off Bifrost and then somehow found myself above Thyatis City, where I of course crashed into a garbage dump.

It may involve psionics, the loser version of magic favored by the Sphere of Thought, of which Heimdall is a member, along with Odin, who is the boss.  But Odin also has his own multi-Sphere Cabal of Immortals with an interest in the Northern Reaches.

I shifted form to an old woman, a bag lady, so as to avoid attracting attention, before I made it to the baths.  I could clean myself with magic, but I felt the need for a good soak.  I was going to have to smuggle a message to Far Sight, but how?

Normally, I could easily do it with magic, but Odin has wards around his hideyhole, which he deludes himself will weather the next Immortal Storm.  I myself suspect that if he is right and another one comes, the ancient powerful Immortals will be the first to get slaughtered.

I could smuggle myself in as a shipment of grain again.  That either got past Heimdall or he let me go because it amused him.  Hmm, maybe I could fake being some fruit.  Frigga loves fruit.

I tried sending Far Sight a message, as it’s entirely possible that he’s actually out on a mission.  He lounges around Valhalla more than is good for him, but Odin’s Titans do get plenty of work.

Lost in thought, I failed to realize I had walked into a big man in scalemail, a mace on his hip and a shield on his back, under the big white surcoat with a black rimmed yellow lightning bolt on the front he was wearing over his armor.  *A Storm Soldier*!  

There were five of them.

Because I had assumed a mortal identity to avoid trouble with the Council of Intrusion, and because I am too much of a method actor for my own good, I fell to the ground as he slapped my face.  “Out of the way, you old bitch!  Yield for the men of Hattias!”

Ahh, Storm Soldiers.  The most worthless trash on a planet which is overrun with amazingly stupid people.  Being proud of your heritage as a man of Hattias (one of the provinces of Thyatis, founded by one of the three tribes that fled there like whipped puppies nigh on 2000 years ago, after being whipped in Davania) is like being proud that you successfully ate a piece of bread, yet acting like you just killed Tiamat with a spoon.  

“Mercy!” I cried out.  “Mercy on an old woman!”

I could turn to one of my other mortal forms, but this is going to be more satisfying.  I cringed as he kicked me down and then kicked me more; I screamed in pain; at first, his companions approved, but then they looked around and saw the growing angry crowd surrounding them and tried to get him to stop.

He finally had enough, relieving whatever stress had made him keep going after the slap in the first place, only to see he was surrounded by hundreds of angry people in togas or work clothes.

“This foreign bitch attacked me!  She got what she deserved!” he said angrily.

“GET THEM!” someone shouted as I cringed pathetically.

Friendly hands helped me up, though I noticed *three* people all tried to steal the money pouch I had forgotten to actually conjure.  I’m too used to not needing money.  Sloppy.  They got me to a bench, dusted me off, and I got to watch the mob beat up those fools, while three women tried to comfort me and asked me my name.

“My name is Ignisius Aurelia and I am a Thyatian Citizen from Specularum, though my mother was Karameikan, but my father was of the Thyatian garrison and brought us home with him when he finished his tour of duty,” I lied.

My actual father died several thousand years ago, squashed flat by a Fire Giant, the worst thing being that I don’t think it actually noticed it had killed him.  It did notice when I eventually found it, killed it, trapped its soul in a jar and gave it to demons to play with forever.

I should check on his misery and make sure some idiot didn’t misfile him again.

“Now all my children are grown and my husband is dead and I have to scrape by on what they can do for me and his pension.  He was slain fighting the Alphatians on the Isle of Dawn ten years ago.”  Real war, but of course this husband never existed.

Having finished beating up the Storm Soldiers, the mob dispersed as actual Soldiers of the Watch began to arrive.  I told them my sob story about how I had been robbed and thrown in the garbage dump and they, plus the ladies, were kind enough to give me some money, more than I expected.  Thyatians… can sometimes be super-generous and sometimes tight-fisted.  But I know how to play people like a violin.

I could *make* them do it, but when you have been an immortal as long as me, you avoid controlling minds because it is boring.  And sooner or later, backfires; mind-controlled people get stupid.

And sometimes the Council of Intrusion gets pissy about it.  I would rather not spend time in time out for a century or three.

I then went and got myself a bath at the bathhouse and let my new friends pamper me, while my brain tried to think of a clever way to get in contact with Far Sight.

While I soaked in hot water, I used the fire heating it to do a scrying on the Cutie Mark Crusaders.  I’m sorry, the *Immortality Mark Crusaders* now.  They were busy doing homework and complaining about it.  I both appreciate their desire for freedom and wish I had that opportunity as a kid.  But I grew up in a radically different situation of being a human in a society that mixed farming and killing each other for no reason with periodic massacres by giants.

Where I didn’t fit in because I wasn’t good at stabbing and I was never going to be strong.  My talent was magic, but only women practiced magic, the witches, and they didn’t take male students.  Basically, the male ideal was to be Thor and I was never going to be Thor.

I met Thor before he was Thor, by the way.  He was just as stupid and violent and prone to idiot grudges then too.

The absolute best thing about my daughters’ kingdom is that they don’t celebrate big stupid violent lug-heads like Thor.

Dinky now looked up.  “We’re being scried!  We’ve been made!”  She dove under the nearby bed… I think this is Sweetie’s room at her other sister’s place, Doctor Snow Belle.  

“What?  We’re doing *homework*,” Scootaloo said. “It’s totally boring but who would bust us for that?”

If I was using Immortal power, they couldn’t notice me, but I’m actually impressed that Dinky could tell.  And a little disappointed in Sweetie, who finally looked up from the book I think she had fallen asleep on.  “Maybe Twilight is making sure we’re actually doing our homework.”

I popped through the fireplace, transforming in the process into Cunning Thought.  “It’s me, my friends.  Sorry to pop in when you’re busy.”

Sweetie hugged me, Twist and Apple Bloom waved and Dinky crawled out from under the bed.  Scootaloo nodded, then asked, “Tell me you’re good at geometry?”

“You’re not?” I said, actually surprised for real for once.  Usually I am faking it.  “That’s normally an area where pegasi excel.”

“I’m good at *real* geometry, like how to do the best arc from where you are to where you want to go, but this is all words and line drawings and things with names,” she said, grimacing at the papers and the textbook.

“Look, lemnas are not a kind of food,” Apple Bloom said.  “This ain’t hard, but you keep making it that way.”

“I finished mine and moved on to composition,” Sweetie said.

“You moved on to napping,” Scootaloo grumbled.

“I’m having a hard time with it too,” Twist confessed.  “I can do regular math, but this is Unicorny stuff.”

And that’s how I, one of the high ranking Immortals of Entropy, gave a lesson in geometry to a group of fillies on their way to being mares.  Since this required only a tiny part of my brain, I put the rest to work trying to figure out some way to contact Far Sight that Heimdall would not notice and would not be as annoyingly slow as Immortal Mail somehow always is, despite being run by *Immortals*.

What exactly is the Sphere of Time for, if not for this?

*************

Doctor Snow Belle entered with a tray of snacks and drinks floating in the air.  She blinked at me.  “Who are you?” she asked, confused.

I rose and bowed to her.  “I am sorry to intrude, I am Celestia’s Mother, Cunning Thought.”

Her eyes widened and she dropped down to bow…. Pony bow… but the tray remained floating perfectly.  Well done, young lady.

“You need not bow,” I said grandly.  “I just dropped by to help them out, as they are friends of mine.”

“She’s very nice,” Sweetie said.  She trusts so easily, which I fear will be the death of her one day.

But it makes her and her friends perfect for my plan.

Which I cannot discuss with Far Sight if I cannot *get ahold of him*.

I suddenly wondered if Spike could send a message to Far Sight.  Can he cross planes?  

My message would be intercepted but if Spike is the sender… maybe I can teach Sweetie how to do it.   She will likely need it in the future.  Or Dinky but Dinky is harder to read and more likely to do something insane.

Ahh, what a good idea.

“They really nee…”  Then Doctor Snow Belle shut up.  She probably was going to say ‘work it out themselves’.  Which most of them can, but it pays to give out unneeded favors sometimes, so that when you need a favor, they owe you.

“I need Sweetie and maybe Dinky too to help me with something after this, but their homework must come first.”  I said.

“Well, here is snacks and drinks,” Doctor Snow Belle said.  “I’ll get more for you, your highness.”

Then she fled, hooves clattering loudly on the wooden floor.

I grew up with a dirt floor.  I don’t think anyone even imagined the idea of a wooden floor.  

“Oooh, what do you need me to do?”

“I want to teach you how to send messages with fire magic,” I said.  “My apologies to the non-unicorns.  I suppose if Apple Bloom pays attention, though, she might find a way to do it with a device.”

“I don’t *need* magic to carry a message,” Scootaloo said dismissively.

Twist now got a cunning look, which surprised me as she is not prone to being cunning.  But how could I not approve of that?  If she has some way for an Earth Pony to make this work, all the better.

“But first, we finish the homework so we can go somewhere less flammable,” I told her.

“You know, Spike can already do that trick,” Dinky pointed out.

“Yes, but he has his own duties and I hardly need to teach *him*,” I told her.

She suspects something.  Good girl.  I need them to fall for my tricks, but not other people’s tricks; this will be a tricky needle to thread.

We soon had even more snacks and drinks and we all went back to work to get that homework defeated.

*****************

Against the Morons:  A Luna, Ivan, and Cunning Thought Story
A D&D (Mystara) / My Little Ponies:  Friendship is Magic crossover
Part of the Mystara’s Little Ponies: Friendship is Adventuring canon. 

By John Biles

***************

Cunning Thought’s Journal Continues:  

At Crusaders HQ, I put up a fireproofing spell; Dinky pointed out the library has one.  If I kept a dragon in my house, I would do the same.  

Another one of my avatars now informed me that five of mine and Rathanos’ babies had escaped again.  Rathanos was off pontificating at his followers again and had not noticed, because he is still an idiot.

So I told my avatar to round them up once they do some damage, but not too much.  I need Rathanos to not give up on them, so they will have the most chances to wreck everything.

My dear little children.

I then began teaching Sweetie.  She picked up the trick very quickly to my surprise and pleasure; Dinky had a harder time.  Apple Bloom watched it with goggles on, then began a frenzy of making plans; I watched curiously.  Immortals have vast power, but we can’t do *everything*, not even a Hierarch.  And I am terrible at making things.  However, I have found an out… I can give birth to things which are far more perfect than I could create from scratch.

The downside, of course, is attachment.  Even Thanatos, who in the end, wants to reduce all of creation to nothing, has more sentimental attachment to his puppets and minions than he would ever admit.

Scootaloo buzzed about, bored, but unwilling to abandon her friends.  Twist watched curiously, but remained contemplative and quiet.  

I could feel Applejack distantly; she is like… I fear if we touched, we would both explode, destroying half of Brun.  Admittedly, that would be *amazing* to see and I would just move to another avatar, but the Council of Intrusion would definitely lock me up for an amazingly long time and strip most of my power too.

It still tempts me.

But I can’t leave now.  I have to at least try this.  “Okay, try sending this message,” I said, conjuring a scroll.  “To Far Sight.”  I created a little image of him, tall and noble with a pure white coat with a cutie mark of a flaming eye.  It’s a fake, but everyone expects Ponies to have one, so he plays along, because he is wise.  He predates Cutie Marks.  

They all got big eyes, even Scootaloo and… damn me, they’re all old enough to find a handsome stallion attractive.  He is vastly too old for them.  He would never do something stupid with someone halfway to maredom but they certainly might.  

“Holy moley, is he your coltfriend?” Sweetie asked.

How can she…

Applejack approaching.  

“He is an old friend of mine.  Unfortunately, he lives in Valhalla and Heimdall hates me, so he is confiscating all the messages I send to Far Sight,” I told them.  “He is a Titan in service to Sleipnir, my dear son.”  Who is off with Odin or he could alert Far Sight for me.

Sweetie concentrated and the scroll burst into flame.  Hopefully, Heimdall will let it go by.

Applejack drew closer.  Before she arrived, I got a reply to meet in the usual place.  I licked my lips at that. “Thanks, Sweetie,” I said, hugging her.  “Thanks all of you.  I have to go now.”

“Booty call time,” Scootaloo said, trying to sound grown up and cynical because she’s at that age.

I remember that age, though I’d rather forget it.

Hopefully, Scootaloo would never have to see a Fire Giant squash her father flat.

I laughed.  “I will see you all later.  Give my love to Applejack.”  Then I vanished in a poof of flame.

********************

There was a town here once, though it’s long gone; civilization has waxed and waned in the Northern Reaches many times.  It’s on the rise again in Vestland; once, long ago, giants ruled these mountains and oppressed both humans and the Ponies who dwelt here.  This valley in the Makkrest Mountains was once home to a village.  Far Sight’s village; I was born far to the north; I think where I was born is in the Heldann Freeholds now, ruled over by Vanya’s trash gang.  

It’s just forest now; together, we were able to set Far Sight’s people free and I got the daughters I wanted, and a son I wasn’t looking for, but love anyway.  Most importantly, Sleipnir was able to ensure his father went on as a Titan and for all that Odin drives me crazy, I know he couldn’t be much safer than Odin’s stupid, mail-proof fortress.

Damn you, Heimdall.

I could see Norvikk from here.  I’m curious if Vestland will beat the odds or if the Northmen will fuck everything up *again*.  I’m betting on fucking everything up.  Too many Thors and not enough cunning folk like me.

But Vestland does seem to be trying to move beyond ‘I must kill you because my Uncle called your Uncle a whalefucker twenty years ago and then my Uncle hacked yours to pieces, so you chopped my sister into one inch cubes’.  

Still, most of Vestland west of the Vestfjord and south of the coast is wilderness now.  There are ambitious men who have raised strongholds here and perhaps one day, the wilderness will retreat and this valley will once again hear the songs of sowing and reaping and smoke will curl gently upwards from hundreds of chimneys.

But not today.  We meet here to remind ourselves of what was and what we have lost.

Far Sight understands loss like I do, even more than our children, who were never helpless, like we once were.  We cannot go home again.

“Are you pretending to be melancholy again?” he asked, amused, and I nearly jumped out of my skin.  Only an Immortal can really sneak up on an Immortal, unless we fail to pay attention, or the limits of mortal senses betray us in a mortal body, like this one.

But he is Immortal now, just a Titan, but that’s good enough.  He was born an Earth Pony, but he is an Alicorn now, like all of our family.  

“You got the message,” I said, nuzzling him.  He was wearing scalemail, which surprised me because normally the Ponies in Valhalla wear chainmail over a quilt (without the quilt, any blow drives metal rings into your flesh, which is why no one actually wears chainmail bikinis, not even those idiot Valkyries).  

His eyes followed mine.  “A gift from Kagyar for favors I did him; it reflects magical energy attacks back upon their user.”

What on… I didn’t hear anything about this at all?  “What did you do for Kagyar?” I asked curiously.  “Oh… have you heard about my new babies?  They’re driving Rathanos insane.  Even though they’re exactly what he’s always wanted, but not.”  I giggled with delight.

“So you’re the mother?  One of them somehow got into Valhalla and burned Thor’s Chariot; he’s enraged.  I should have known,” he said, sounding amused.

Oh, THAT is where Lawrence got off to!  I couldn’t find him for three days and neither could Rathanos.  How did he even get all the way to Valhalla?  The only direct link from Pandius to Valhalla is when Odin orders Bifrost to connect to Pandius and then you have to get past Heimdall and there’s no way one of my little babies snuck past Heimdall when *I* could not.

I will have to reward him for his great deed, though.  What do you get for a baby fire being, anyway?  Something interesting to burn, maybe?

“And I’m afraid it’s a secret,” Far Sight said.  

He has to know I am going to go crazy until I find out.  I love secrets as long as they’re not secret from me.  

“So who is this ‘Sweetie Belle’?  One of your priestesses in Thule?” he asked me.

“You’d better sit down,” I told him, conjuring a large blanket with his holy symbol and mine on it.  Well, his ‘cutie mark’ and mine, which is also my holy symbol.

We sat down, I conjured wine and I began talking.  This would take a while.

*****************  

“You think…”  Far Sight looked around, then said softly, “Can you be sure no one is watching?”

No.  “You can never be sure but I did put up wards.  It won’t stop, say, Korotiku, but we’re as safe as can be outside my home but I know it’s got spies,” I told him.  At least three of my servants are traitors, but since I know who, I can use them to feed lies to my enemies.

“You really think it can work?” he asked softly.

“I hate to quote *him*, but nothing ventured, nothing gained,” I told Far Sight; I felt a wave of nausea at quoting that smug bastard who muscled in on *my* project, but I couldn’t think of a better way.

Far Sight studied me and I couldn’t read him.  His eyes… was he using his power?  

“You could cease to exist, you know.  This could make a huge mess,” he said softly.  “We are making a huge gamble.”

“I know.  It’s why you have to come with me and visit our children now, before I start making the final preparations.  And you know, I *like* messes.”  I made myself smile because you can never show weakness.

I now fondly remembered the time I trapped Jubilex in a prison plane and took his place for a decade, sending his worshippers to basically make a mockery of every formal event I could get them to, until that idiot Sinbad somehow *found and freed* Jubilex.

What kind of idiot goes to great effort to save Jubilex?

I suppose he probably thought there was a fair maiden or great treasure… dammit, I could have bound Jubilex into the form of a fair maiden to sucker any rescuers and I didn’t even think about it!!!

I suppose it would be hard to bind a Titan like that without the Orb of the Hierarchs.  It can do a lot of things to Immortals that are normally impossible, but it requires all five to cooperate to make it work, so it’s only used for High Crimes against the laws of the Immortals.

If the story is true, though it may be a lie, the reason Mystara has a skyshield is that long ago, the Immortals punished a Titan named Atlas by making him hold it up for a thousand years.  And they created it to punish him with that.  I can sort of believe it, but why is it still around if the punishment is long over?

I suspect it’s a lie to cover up some fuckup that means Mystara needs the skyshield so its atmosphere doesn’t go awol.  It may be related to the Rain of Colorless Fire that destroyed Blackmoor.

“Go to Equestria?” he said weakly.

“You haven’t been to see them since Luna was *released from Prison*,” I said chidingly.

“I couldn’t go!  I was on an important mission with the Valkyries!,” he protested.

“Busy being ridden by Brynhildr.  I bet you enjoyed that,” I said.  “More than seeing your daughter free after a thousand years.”  Drive those knives in.

“I am not into humans!” he protested.  “I am in service to Odin and when he commands, I go.”

I suspect this was Odin’s subtle way of snubbing me.  Thor, by contrast, showed up to call us both whores.  Luna is not a whore.

If anything, she’s driving me crazy with her refusal to bang her coltfriend.  I did something wrong raising that girl.

Fortunately, Thor was not bright enough to figure out my connection to the Spelljammer crew that barbequed and ate his chariot goats after they found a way to fall off the Moon into the void during the ceremony.  I don’t think Thor ever caught them.  

I’m quite proud of how I engineered that, but no one will ever know, except you, Ivan, assuming you’re reading this and I didn’t catch you.  Or anyone else clever enough to get to this.

“Since you’re not on a mission now, then we can go see Celestia and Luna and their coltfriends,” I told him firmly.  

His eyes narrowed.  Like too many men, he assumes anyone who likes his daughters is scum.  They’re far too old for that to be a good assumption, so I couldn’t help but smile.  “I’m not sure why Celestia is into Big Mac, but he’s a huge Earth Pony Stallion who grows apples and Ivan is a Karameikan human on the road of the Epic Hero.  Reminds me of you, really.”

“You said that about Sombra too,” he said, frowning.  

Now I laughed nervously.  “Yes, but he’s not connected to Thanatos, but to Full Moon.”  Why does Luna have to date one of that bastard’s students???

But now he’ll glare at Ivan and make him jumpy, which I find amusing.

For a moment, I had a feeling I was forgetting something, but I let it be.  I’ll remember if it matters.

“Well, I don’t have a current mission, so I can do it,” he said.  “I suppose I’ll need to change outfits.”

“You can do that with a few seconds thought, dear,” I reminded him.  At heart, he’s still an Earth Pony, not a powerful Titan.  I suppose if Big Mac somehow interests Celestia long enough, he’ll be like this.  I expect, though, it’s a passing fancy.  “I’ll take you to a fine pony seamstress I know.  She can suit you up nicely.”

He shuffled on his feet uncomfortably; a lot of stallions seem to wish their clothing would just appear from nothing.  Now, mind you, as a Titan, he can conjure any outfit he wants, but I can’t let him do that for his own good.

I shouldn’t have even reminded him he could, really.

I put on the dress Rarity had made me; it would help butter her up.  Then I extended my power and flames roared up around us.  To the Land of Rarity!

******************

No one was home.  The lights were out, the shop locked up and everyone gone.  Was Sweetie over at her sister Snow’s house because Rarity had gone somewhere?

“I don’t think she’s home, though we should check for dead bodies,” Far Sight said.

“Sweetie would have been distraught.”  I cast a quick spell.  ‘Sweetie, can you hear me?’

‘Cunning Thought, is that you?’ Sweetie asked.

‘Yes, dear, is Rarity on a trip?’

‘She made a run to Canterlot to buy fabric for some project I’m not even allowed to think about,’ Sweetie said mournfully.  ‘Marcus and Ivan went with her.  I expect Ivan is snuggling with Princess Luna.’  

I can’t go to Canterlot; this has to be a surprise.

‘If you need a new dress, I could make you one,’ she said hopefully.

My soul told me to go with it, it would be hilarious.

But my pride told me that Far Sight has his pride and if he’s going to wear a suit, it has to be the best to see his daughters, to see Luna… he really should have dropped in before now.  But I suppose for folk like us, a year really can fly by like a few days.

‘It’s fine, dear, it will wait.  Enjoy your sleepover!’

So I took him to Manehattan.  Not *as* good, but it will be quite good and certainly good enough.  I casually stole the money to pay for it from the vault of the Sindhi ambassador because he frankly deserves to starve in the gutter with the rest of the ruling castes of his shithole country.

But really, he won’t notice, it was just a suit.  

Fortunately, petty theft isn’t against the rules or I would be in trouble… more trouble.

Once he was suited up, it was time to drop in on Celestia, ideally at the worst possible time.

***********************

Celestia’s Work Day:

I can divide my day into four basic categories.  Five.  Meals, Interesting Ceremonies, Boring Ceremonies, Interesting Work, and Boring Work.  This body, anyway.  I have a second avatar on Pandius which does Immortal work for me and visits Luna’s Library Avatar every day.

I can’t sustain more than two; I think Mother has four, but usually forgets some of them for long periods of time, though I think she enjoys surprises.

I know Bogdozan somehow went rogue on her once and she had to trap that old avatar in some chasm in the planes and make a new one.  Or she made that up, as Uncle Full Moon was pretty sure avatars cannot go rogue; they just may go into long sleep if you ignore them too long.

Best not to find out.

“I am fairly certain that Erik of Vestland is dead,” I said to Ragnar Fasttrot; he is a Unicorn Pony from Vestland, their ambassador to us.  “And will never be seen again.  If he lives, he is not in Equestria.”  I shouldn’t enjoy lying so much; I’m pretty sure I got that from Mother.  Father never lies.

I was having a private meeting with the ambassador in one of parlors; this one is full of pictures of the Northern Reaches, created long ago by Luna as a sort of… well, not exactly a shrine to our father, but close enough.  

We both stood by a table with two mugs of mead and some… it’s a kind of spiced oats, almost like an oat stew because it has some liquid, as a snack.  There was a large bowl, a dipper, and two small bowls for eating with spoons.  Northern Reaches Ponies favor it.

“Erik of Vestland is a false identity.  He is undoubtably alive, living under an alias.  We just wish to ensure people stop associating his crimes with our nation, which is a modern, respectable country.”  Ragnar wore a nice blue suit; the only sign of his country’s wild past was the crossed swords pin he wore over his heart.  “The priests of Frigga have told us he has been reincarnated.”

“Isn’t everyone reincarnated after a time with their Immortal, unless they are raised to some form of immortal status?” I asked him.

“Reincarnated by druidic power, the power of the…”  He pulled out a card.  “Sphere of Matter.”  He put the card away.

“Then he is no longer Vestland’s problem.  I will keep an eye out for him.”

“He was never a Vestlander, we know that too.  Our country is tired of having aspersions thrown at it because our neighbors are barbarians!” he said angrily.

Breathe in, breathe out.  “I understand.  What someone like him does is beyond your control.”  Basically, Vestland is surrounded by trolls, horse-nomads who like to pillage and plunder and the rest of the Northern Reaches, which are full of clans who burn and plunder each other and their neighbors, though the Soderfjord Jarldoms are trying to get their act together.

He relaxed and I relaxed.  “Thank you, Princess.  Our relations with Equestria have always been good; this is the worst crisis I have faced since I got this job three years ago.  King Harald Gudmundson seems pleased with my work, so I do not wish to disappoint him.”

“Neither do I, but I am quite sure this ‘Erik’ will never be seen again, but if he appears, you will not be blamed for his actions,” I told him.

“I think the Thyatians have been making threats.  They’re allied with Ostland and that means more raiding,” he said, sighing. “Does Equestria get raided very often?”

“Not currently,” I told him.  “Some Ierendi pirates still try but we gave them a bloody nose a few years ago.”  The Battle of East Key destroyed an entire pirate fleet, though the casualties for our side made me wince.  I could have destroyed their entire fleet, but not without violating Immortal rules and I am trying to prepare them to go on without me.  

Then the fireplace, where a blazing fire raged to warm the room, suddenly flared to life, and Mother and *Father* emerged from it.  I stared in shock.

The Ambassador nearly jumped out of his skin, then turned, saw Mother, and paled.  “LOKI!” he shouted.

“I am Cunning Thought,” Mother said primly.  “In this body.  And this is Far Sight, the father of my three darling children.”

“Hail, Ambassador Fasttrot,” Father said, then listed a seemingly endless number of names that might have been as many as forty or so generations, ending in, “Son of Dapple, who I knew as a child.”

How does he even know the whole lineage?  It’s not one of my Sphere’s powers, anyway.  But Father does this all the time.  

The ambassador stared, mouth open wide.  Then he took a sip of mead, then bowed.  “The Great Liberator.  Hail.”

Mother waited; she is going to do *something* if he doesn’t hail her too.  The Ambassador eyed her like a snake.

Luna now galloped in.  “Celestia, I sensed some… Father?” she said weakly.

Now he licked his lips nervously. “My dear daughter.”

“My darling Luna!” Mother said and threw herself at Luna, who went down, crashing into a couch, which broke, but of course, Mother didn’t care.

“I see this audience is over, thank you, Princess, your hospitality is grand, I am going to go… inspect something…”  And then he galloped off, demonstrating why he is named Fasttrot.

As Luna flailed and protested and Mother cuddled her, a painting fell down on them, impaling itself on Mother’s crown.  So much for an eight hundred year old piece of art.

Fortunately, mending magic is simple and does not violate Immortal Law, which is good or I would be in big trouble.

“What a pleasant surprise,” I said.  “I have not seen you in a long time, Father.”

Odin keeps him very busy and he’s basically uncomfortable with worship.  Some Titans do have cults, but their Immortals have to grant them an artifact they can grant spells with.  

He came over and nuzzled me, while Luna continued to flail and Mother sang some song about cuddling your baby to sleep, because of course she did.  I nuzzled him back. “It’s so nice to see you.”

“It’s nice to see you too.”  He glanced over at Luna, looking nervous for a moment, then calming himself.  “That’s enough, dear.  Let her up.”

Cunning Thought disengaged and easily got up.  Luna flailed a bit and rose.  We both have very powerful mortal bodies, but we don’t have the degree of grace our Immortal Avatars have.

Father now came over and nuzzled Luna and she froze, then hesitantly nuzzled him back.  “It’s so nice to see you again,” he said warmly to her.  “I am sorry it’s been so long.  I don’t have the freedom to gallivant about that you all do.”

“So we took advantage of Odin’s long visit to a cosmic brothel to smuggle him out,” Mother said.

“I’m pretty sure he is not in a brothel,” Luna said chidingly.  “He is the Hierarch of Thought.”

“Which includes naughty thoughts like you have for your coltfriend,” Mother said cheerfully.  “Anyway, I suppose that’s what the Valkyries are for, anyway.”

Father made a rumbling noise; he is the mount of a Valkyrie; the Greater Valkyries are Titans, except for Sif, who is an Immortal of Energy, and the Lesser Valkyries are mortals who are dwelling with Odin until it is time to reincarnate.  

“Mother, I am pretty sure Father doesn’t serve as mount to a Cosmic Hobo Whore,” Luna said irritably.  

“Cosmic Hobo Whore.” A piece of paper appeared and Mother wrote that down.  “That’s brilliant.  Now I’m jealous I didn’t think of that myself.”

Father grunted.  “Brynhildr is a Titan and a woman of distinction.  A great warrior who slew many *giants*.”

Mother and Father liberated his people from enslavement at the hands of giants long ago and there’s nothing he hates more.  I don’t think Mother actually hates giants, but when she’s with Father, she ‘hates’ giants.  You know what I mean.

Luna tried to bury her face in her hooves and had to flap her wings to avoid falling forwards and then I had to save half the paintings; the rest were also going to require a Mending spell; I fixed one, then decided they were safer on the floor for now.

“Ivan, Ivan, Ivan, I can tell you’re spying on us, so you might as well come out,” Mother said cheerfully.

He is?  I don’t sense anyone concealed or scrying us; I’m not sure if Ivan can use shadows to scry yet.

Nothing happened and Luna said, “He’s still in my room, Mother.”

“Oh, did I interrupt a tryst?  Will I be finally getting some centaur babies?” Cunning Thought asked her, smiling as usual.  I am never sure if she instinctively smiles or if she’s faking it to annoy people by her constant good cheer as she says something insulting or unleashes some plot or prank.

“We were *sparring*,” Luna said.  She paused and concentrated.  “But he…”  She glanced at Father.

Father looked back; he can just stare at you for days, until you snap.  I think I confessed to stealing all of Ixion’s underwear once under the stare.  This was when I was still mortal and maybe only five or so, mind you.

Luna’s ears began to twitch.

“Ivan is Full Moon’s apprentice, seeking Immortality, and Luna has been helping to train him.  They are close friends, but no more than that, whatever Mother imagines,” I said.  I think they both want more but are keenly aware of the problems this would bring.  Sooner or later, I think, they will at least try being lovers, but not yet.

I would normally tease her about it, but with Mother present and laying it on thick, it would be too much, also I want Father to like Ivan, and he has not always liked our lovers.

Mother made a deep rumbling noise.  I am not sure what she has against Full Moon, but she hates him so much.  He must have done a Stroke against her at some point, but I don’t know what.  She seems to resent him.  Is it just because we have accepted him as part of our family?  He was a critical mentor to us in ways Mother could not be, since we didn’t want to join the Sphere of Entropy.

And being Cunning Thought’s daughter made it hard for us to be trusted, after the stunt she pulled on the Sphere of Energy.  Thor will hate her forever, but she just mocks him and laughs at him, but Full Moon gets under her skin.  Twilight told me about their encounter in the Arctic regions.  Mother got unusually angry but was it deliberate or a bluff?

The biggest problem with Mother is that she lies all the time, so much she can’t stop.  I know she loves us, but her love is like the Everfree, wild and unpredictable and sometimes dangerous, yet sometimes beautiful.

I remember when I was a novice Immortal; an Immortal came from each of the Spheres and took us to show us one of the wonders of the universe.  Mother took us to Eresti, a world where once a century, the laws of magic change and they have to rediscover them.  When we arrived, magic was all about alchemy based on the five Spheres, changing their balance in things.  We watched as a Halfling figured out a way to refresh land ruined by pipeweed; it would only work another twenty years, but he was so proud and to my surprise, *Mother* was so proud of him, of all of them, trapped in constant change, but always adapting to it.

We then got a lecture on why the Hollow World is a hundred times more evil than anything her sphere has ever done.  

I will spare you the details.  That world was designed by one of the Entropics but all Immortals refrain from doing anything but watch.  I am curious to see what will come of it.

Father looked at me, then at Luna.

“Why don’t I arrange you two quarters and then you can meet Ivan at lunch?” I said.  “Oh, we have a large stock of mead if you would like it served at Lunch.”

“Hmm, yes, we will need a room for our loud lovemaking,” Cunning Thought said cheerfully.

“I need a room which roughly conforms to a standard silence spell and some way to keep your Mother from dispelling it,” Father said calmly to me.

“I am not sure the latter is within the power of anyone in Equestria, but I will see what I can do,” I said, while Luna’s mouth opened and tiny despair noises came out, then closed.

I have learned to always remain calm around Mother and Luna has not and possibly never will.  It’s the only way to handle Mother.  Show no fear.

“Let us see to your room while Luna attends to her duties,” I said calmly.

“Her duty of getting us grandchildren,” Mother said. “I know you already have but people who died centuries ago do not count.”

Luna winced at that.  Luna had several children long ago, but they did not have the kind of spark we did and we don’t know why.  They were strong in magic but they lived normal lives and eventually died; it was painful to Luna to lose them.

It was among the things which eventually sent her down the road to her time as Nightmare Moon.  I’m sure she worries about whether she will have to watch Ivan age and die.  Though I feel confident he will succeed in his quest.

But we will have to see.  I was soon chivvying Mother and Father down the hallway and trying to figure out what on Mystara to do about suitable quarters.  Though it depends; sometimes Mother would make me regret not giving her supremely regal quarters and sometimes she doesn’t care and I can never predict which, which I am sure is the idea.

Well.

At least I won’t be bored today.

*****************

Luna’s Day of Unexpected Things:

At least Mother didn’t show up in the middle of us sparring, since we’d managed to rip a bunch of holes in each other’s clothing.  We weren’t really using Whelm or my magical blade Spiral, of course, since it was just practice, but somehow we both ended up with torn up clothing, which is why I shed it all and turned to Pony form before going to see what had teleported into the castle; Ivan was off getting clothing.

We also broke our weapons twice, though… well, in Ivan’s case, the first time, I managed to hook the fake Whelm’s carry strap and then send it out the window, forgetting that window opens onto a drop all the way to Lower Canterlot; I saved it before it hit a building at high speed, but it broke under the force of my grab.

The carry strap is actually more of a throwing strap; it comes back if you throw it.  Whelm is a very powerful weapon, though eventually, he will have to make his own.

Which could be a problem.  As while he has many skills, making any kind of weapon is not one of them.  I will have to consult with someone from the Sphere of Thought.

Ivan had gotten dressed, but not dressed *enough*, which meant I had to find Rarity, beg her to do something and then *pray* to the Old Ones that Mother will not find some way to cause trouble while she is unattended, though if I am lucky and no I don’t actually want to think about that.

Father.

I want to see him and I am afraid to see him, for I brought shame on him; I’m sure everyone harasses him about how I take after Mother, who is not well beloved in Odin’s clique.  With good reason, mind you.

I sent Rarity a fire message, then realized that without Spike, she could not reply.

To my surprise, an air elemental appeared and roared out a message to meet her at the Blue Lotus.

I don’t know what that actually *is*.

Neither did Ivan, but we found someone who did; it’s just a café of Sindhi food.

With directions, I teleported to the front door and once the staff finished bowing to me more than I need or deserve, Ivan and I went to Rarity and Marcus’ table, where she was busy having soup and he was busy having fish curry.  With cod, but… are those green beans in it?  How odd.  The smell was bracing.  Ivan’s eyes crossed.  “Marcus, do you intend to destroy your tastebuds?”

“This body has more tolerance for spices than I am used to,” Marcus said.  

“The soup is very good,” Rarity said.  It looked like a hearty but heavily spiced vegetable soup with a dozen different vegetables.  

“I hate to ask but my Father is here and Ivan needs something nicer to wear,” I told her.  

“Is he going in human form?  A pony?  Belcadizian?” Rarity asked, going from ‘social’ to ‘business’ instantly.  “How much time do we have?”

“Ideally, by dinner,” I told her.  

Rarity looked at her own food.

“A late dinner.  I… yes.  We have maybe two, three hours,” I said nervously.

Ivan said, “I’ll need a snack if I have to wait that long for dinner; our sparring made me hungry.”

“Sparring,” Marcus said, amused.

Ivan grumbled at him; it was weirdly like Father is with Mother sometimes.

“I cannot guarantee my best work, but I will finish this quickly and then I will need a room at the palace.  Thankfully, I can now summon materials from my store thanks to Lady Carlotta teaching me the trick,” she said. “I am sorry, Marcus, but they need me.”

“I’ll help,” he said and Rarity looked relieved.  “Ivan has to try a bite of this, though.”

“I might die,” Ivan said. “I like it spicy but not Sindhi level spicy.”

“It will be fine,” I told Ivan.  Fine because I enchanted his biteful to have a weaker taste; Marcus and Rarity could tell, I think, but Ivan could not and was relieved.

“I have waybread; you can have some while Rarity works,” I told him.  I will likely need a snack myself.

Okay, crisis one averted as long as nothing goes wrong.

******************

Cunning Thought’s Adventures in Daughter Embarrassing:

I actually put up the silence spell myself because I have better ways of embarrassing them.  Like recording all the noises on crystal to hide in Luna’s room to go off at the worst possible time.

Far Sight is something like twenty times better than Rathanos AND does not try to steal your eggs because he has manners.  I made sure to keep my eggs contained because I cannot afford another child right now.  

I suddenly felt he (Rathanos) was doing something stupid with our children and sent one of my Avatars to go check.

By the way, never send an Avatar to spy on Korotiku.  Fortunately, it was fireproof but diving to the bottom of the Pseudo-Elemental Plane of Volcanoes is not my idea of a fun time.  How did he even get his foot stuck???

It’s one of the planes which basically orbits the Para-Elemental Plane of Magma.  Wait, is it Quasi-Elemental…  I always get those confused.  It arises from the collision of the Elemental Planes of Fire and Earth and the Positive Material Plane… Para-Elemental is the Positive ones… Quasi are Negative, I think.  

Is that right?  Well, it doesn’t matter.  I had to dive through 3000 miles of magma to get my damn Avatar out of a stupid crack and he couldn’t remember a damn thing.

I never really understood the power of a Hierarch until then and Korotiku isn’t even the *top* Hierarch of the Sphere of Thought.

While I can make myself immune to fire and magma, it took forever and I couldn’t manage a teleport lock because my Avatar had put on a teleport blocker, for reasons *he no longer remembered*.

Eventually, I had to bow to the inevitable and recycle him and make a new one even if it cost me power because he was hopelessly stupid after that.

Note – because of the amnesia, I could never PROVE Korotiku did it, by the way.  A useful trick I’ve exploited since then.

We laid together in silence a while, as close to peace as I ever get.  But my mind can’t be quiet for long, even when I wanted it to.  But it was Far Sight who broke the silence.

“You don’t have to do this, you know,” he said softly.  

“I must.  I became an Immortal for this.  I am going to bring that bastard down.  Even if it destroys me,” I told him.  “Especially after what he did to Luna.” I could feel the heat in my voice and I could tell he did too, but he did not flinch or turn away.

“I want to see him destroyed, but he is a Hierarch, the head of your Sphere, and we are not.  They have powers which dwarf even yours.  And if you fail, his vengeance will be terrible beyond measure.  And if you succeed… His allies within your sphere will all still be against you,” he said calmly, trying to stroke my mane with his hoof… one area where humans outdo Ponies, I fear.

“I will not have a better chance,” I told Far Sight.  “I must do it and do it soon.  Before he finds some way to get Sombra off the hook and I do something entirely stupid.”  The worst part is *knowing* I will do something stupid and that I will not be able to stop myself, even knowing it is stupid.

He sighed.  He is more cautious than I, though he was bold in his youth.  Bold without being a stupid thug, which impressed me.

“Unless you have seen something you have not told me.”  But I am sure he has not; he is not the type to hide things.  And he is not named Far Sight for nothing.

Then his eyes glazed over and I licked my lips nervously; I have big lips in this form.  And a very nimble tongue; I can pick a lock with my tongue if I have a tool to work with.  He was seeing something.  He could do this before he became a Titan… it was one of the bits of leverage by which I got Odin to make him a Titan.  Immortals of Thought normally have no power over Time beyond the magics Mortals can use.  So having someone with the sight… Sometimes I’m surprised Odin doesn’t put him in a box like that stupid head.

“Zugzul is going to lead a giant army… a *huge* army of goblin warg-riders and orcs to invade Hule and burn as much of it as possible and turn all your followers into his undead slaves with that cauldron of his,” Far Sight said. “The attack starts next summer.”

Dammit, not now.  I sent a warning to Bogdozan.   		

Why now?  Why me?  Full Moon is the one who screwed him over thousands of years ago and he’s been trying and failing to get even with the man… did he just decide to take me on because he was bored with his own idiocy?

Maybe he can’t sleep without a beating.

“Wait, does this happen if I fail, or is it going to happen irregardless?” I asked.

“I can tell only that whatever causes this has already been set in motion,” he told me. “I am sorry I don’t know more.”

“Dear Far Sight, you told me something *very* important.”  I may have to pump more power into Bogdozan.  I can’t afford the distraction.  Thankfully, this means I have nine months.  Enough time I can afford to just do some scouting for now.

Why did it have to be ZUGZUL who survived the Immortal Storm instead of someone more intelligent, like Reticulus or Izakar or Mynopis?

I could have sworn some candidate for Immortality had destroyed that Cauldron while trying to do the Epic Hero Path.  Hmm, now I wonder if I could sucker Ivan into doing it; it would help him out and help me out, so no one could complain about it.

I could…no, Hule is too big to fireproof the whole country.

I could leak something to Celestia so she feels guilty… LUNA!  Leak something to her and then she and Ivan could go destroy that cauldron.  Maybe the entire Elements of Harmony; they should be a match for any stupid army dumb enough to worship *Zugzul*.  There’s a reason the Ahfridi are gone forever, thank the Old Ones.

If they exist.  I alternate between knowing they must and thinking they’re a scam.

I did not need this hanging over this visit.  Fortunately, long experience will let me reveal no more than I intend to.  

******************

Celestia’s Dinner With Family:

“Zugzul is going to invade Hule next summer, you should help your mother out,” Far Sight said.  “An army of humanoids will lay waste to a large chunk of it.”

Mother for a moment, looked like someone hit her in the face with a trout, then said, “I was going to bring that up, dear.”

No, she wasn’t, I knew.  I know Mother.  She might want something from us, but she would be subtle.

We were in the same parlor where I had met the Ambassador, standing around a table; Ivan, wearing a very nice suit I haven’t seen before, was sitting in a chair; his stew actually had meat in it.  

“Zugzul? I thought he was meddling in Davania these days,” Luna said, frowning.  

“Well, the Lord of the Golden Chair routed his army of zebra-riders, but that was the last I heard of him; I think he went off to pout,” I said, then ate some of the stew, which was quite good.  I had a hearty Northern Reaches stew made, minus the beef, save for Ivan.

“I thought the Council of Dimensions had put him to work the last century or two,” Ivan said.  

“That ended a couple of years ago,” Father said.  “Gwyneth stupidly got in a fight with him in Pandius and got mauled.”  He shook his head, then looked at Ivan; Ivan had been introduced to him and he’d been eyeing Ivan ever since.

Then Father said, “He has the Cauldron of Rebirth.  One of Nyx’s experiments she abandoned, I think.”

“She is to intelligent undead as Rathanos is to his stupid intelligent fire creature project,” Mother said, shaking her head.  “Though at least she doesn’t ignore the ones that already exist like he does.”

“Most elementals are dimwits; he wants something smarter,” Father said. “Whereas Nyx for some weird reason wants to turn everyone into intelligent undead.”

“Two words.  Sex and Fetish,” Mother pronounced, then wolfed down stew, while Luna looked offended by Mother’s manners and I just shook my head.  She wants a reaction, so I won’t give it.

“So it’s an Entropy artifact,” Ivan said thoughtfully.

“The sort of thing Epic Heroes have to destroy.  I destroyed the Head of Penaggalan myself,” Father said.  

I know Father’s official cover is a failed Epic Hero quest but I think it basically came down to Mother somehow getting Odin to empower him, but I’m not sure.  I don’t know if that ever existed.

“The Head was a major player in the Taymorian Empire, Nix’s greatest accomplishment,” Luna said.  “She must not be very happy with you.”

“She’s not.  Or I’d go deal with the Cauldron myself, but while Nyx has supposedly abandoned it, it has been destroyed *four times* and yet somehow returned.  So I would draw too much attention,” Father said.  

Is Father trying to get Ivan to go destroy it?  He usually is very straightforward and not good at moving people around, unlike Mother.  I suppose it would make a good quest for him.

“Don’t you have suitable agents, Mother?” Luna said bluntly.  “It sounds to me like you’re trying to get Ivan to go save Hule for you.”

Ivan glanced at Father.  “So you hope I can do it.”

“Well, my dear Cunning Thought does have her own agents, but on the other hand it is the sort of thing Epic Heroes do,” Father said. “I suppose Full Moon would have to sign off on it, though, as your mentor.”

Mother rumbled in her throat.  “I do not wish to owe Full Moon a damn thing.”

“And it would show your mettle; I have studied your records and so far, most of it is petty theft and bog-standard adventurer shenanigans.  An Epic Hero must do great deeds,” he continued.

Mother now choked on her stew and I had to rap her back; she spewed into her bowl, sighed and disintegrated it, then summoned more stew from the kitchen.

“Mother, you could have just sent the bowl back to the kitchen,” I said a little chidingly.  “Those do cost money.”

“I can make a dozen just like it,” Mother said, waving a hoof; the table was now covered with bowls and they were all wrong.  Some were too big or small; some of them had the wrong pattern, and one of them simply evaporated in a poof of smoke.  Mother then grimaced and ate more stew.

“I… wait, I have a record?” Ivan asked, confused.

I sent off the bowls; we’ll find a use for them.  Luna shook her head at them, then said, “Father, he’s just a candidate, you shouldn’t pry.”

“Anyone who is dating my daughter, I have to know about,” he said. “It’s amazing what Heimdall knows.”

“Heimdall is watching everything I do?” Ivan said in a sudden panic.

“It’s complicated,” Father said.  Did Mother… or is he?  Now I was not sure what’s going on.  “He did see you two making out in Elven form, though.”

…

I’m pretty sure Heimdall is normally focused on guarding Bifrost, not watching… I hope he didn’t see me when I ended up covered in tar the other day; I should have been paying attention but that keg cracking caught me by surprise.  I suppose I should just hope he got a laugh out of it; I laughed once I got over my initial frustration.  And Big Macintosh was very apologetic.

Mother stuffed her face more… is she bluffing or is she surprised?  She often eats too much when she’s surprised.

“We have not made out in Elven form,” Luna protested.  “However, I might think about…”  She now turned red and stuffed her face.

Ivan looked like he might die.  Normally, Mother would be laughing her ass off, but… what is she so worried about?

“Anyway, if you wish to be an epic hero, epic kissing won’t do it.  It takes great deeds to enter the sagas and achieve immortality.  You certainly won’t ever get your revenge on the Triad if you don’t go out and make a name for yourself,” Father continued. “If you wish to be Luna’s lover, you must show yourself worthy of her magnificence.”

Ivan stared at him, probably wondering how… how DOES Father know Ivan wants revenge on the Karameikan Triad?

“Father, *I* decide who is my lover,” Luna protested.

“You don’t seem very good at deciding,” Mother said; now THAT is Mother, though she seemed oddly subdued and kept glancing at Father.

If he is suddenly revealed to be Korotiku again, like that time… has it been… so long ago… I will be cross.

“If you hadn’t decided, why would you invite him to a family dinner?” Father asked.  “Anyway, Ivan, despite my dear Cunning Thought’s hatred of him, you should of course consult with Full Moon, as he may have other plans already.  But you would certainly do your new family a favor *and* yourself if you took care of this.  You’re going to need to destroy at least one Entropic artifact as part of your quest.”

I can’t decide if Father has grown a little more cunning with age or if this is an imposter.  I suppose after all these years, Mother would have to have rubbed off on him some.

Mother looked at Ivan, looked at her stew, then let out a deeeep grumble.  Deep enough one of the servants hiding in the hallway in case we need them stuck her head in briefly.

I shook my head at her, then said, “I’ll admit I don’t know much about the Cauldron.  Doesn’t it just make undead?  Any evil priest worth his salt can do that.”

“The Cauldron can do it on a scale beyond even the greatest priest.  Nyx supposedly abandoned it because it produced strong but very stupid undead,” Mother said. “Of course, how often do Immortals *really* abandon artifacts?  Zugzul somehow keeps getting it and then it gets destroyed.  Then it shows up again.”

Ivan looked Father up and down thoughtfully.  “I’ll talk to Full Moon about it.”

Mother buried her face in her hooves.  Is she trying to bluff she doesn’t want this or is she using Father as her proxy or…

I wish I could have one day with her where I don’t have to try and find the hidden meaning of everything she does.

“Good,” Father said. “Celestia, this stew is very good.”  He now actually ate some of it.

I babbled on about how the stew was made, trying to figure out how to turn this conversation in a better direction.

“Perhaps Zugzul is putting out a fake cauldron and hiding the real one,” Luna said hesitantly.

“In anticipation of people destroying it?” Father asked, sounding confused.

“Like with the Head of Vecna,” Luna said.  She laughed softly.  “Some amazing idiots out there.”

“I encountered a fake Hand of Vecna,” Ivan said.  “It actually turned the warlord who wore it into a puppet for a Hag.  Who then decided Marcus had to marry her, of course.”

Mother laughed very loudly at that.  “Of course.”

I suddenly burped up a letter from Spike.  Father stared in confusion.  “Oh, it’s from Twilight,” I said.  “Pardon me.”

(Dear Princess Celestia,

I just heard that Cunning Thought was here in Ponyville a few hours ago, though she seems to have only tutored the Immortality Mark Crusaders in geometry.  This may be some whim, but I thought I would give you a heads up.

PS:  I had a strange dream where the burritos turned out to be giant puppets and had long ago escaped.  Probably just a too much pizza dream, but I thought I should tell you.

Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle.)

‘Burritos’ is one of our codes for the two Burrowers trapped under the plateau.  If they ever escape, we are doomed.  Probably a too much pizza dream.  None of the alarms have gone off, nor has the watcher said anything.  

“I will write her back later, once our dinner is over,” I said.

“What’s the dessert?” Father asked curiously; he’d somehow eaten all of his stew.

“Cinnamon Buns Cake with Almond Paste and Vanilla Custard,” I told him.  “It’s very good.”

“I know,” he said.  “You didn’t have to make food from my homeland, you know.”

“But I did it because I love you,” I told him and he smiled.

“I love you too, and Luna as well,” he said warmly.

“I am going to kill everything ever,” Mother said mournfully. “However that dessert sounds great.”  She’d finished her stew too.

Ivan was eating slowly, but he said, “Go ahead and serve it, I’ll catch up.”

It’s basically seven cinnamon buns stuffed with vanilla custard and held together in a cake shape by the almond paste.  It was very good and Father stuck to small talk, while Mother ate and looked distracted.

I took them to see some of the city, so Luna and Ivan could talk.

**************

Princess Luna Is Aggravated:

“Mother is using Father to try and push you into this,” I said, sitting on my bed as Ivan sat on a chair nearby, stretching.  “On the other hand, she’s right, it would be a good way to deal with that part of your quest if Uncle signs off.”

“I sent him a message, so hopefully, he’ll let me know,” Ivan said. “So what do you know about Zugzul?  As I don’t know much.”

“Not a huge amount.   He survived the Immortal Storm, one of the weakest to do so.  He is a mid-range Immortal but seems to have stalled out there, unable to climb to the top but too strong to fall down to lower rank either.  He is of the Sphere of Energy and usually resembles a flaming giant.”

A flaming giant.

Father hates giants more than any of the rest of us hate anything, except Mother’s hatred of Thanatos.  I am not sure if Thanatos knows Mother hates him and doesn’t care or if it amuses him to watch her rage impotently or if it’s all a scheme or if he somehow hasn’t noticed but how could he *not* notice?

“Luna?” Ivan asked hesitantly.

Does Father have a grudge against Zugzul?  I never noticed it before if he does, but he seems determined to get Ivan to go after the Cauldron…

“Zugzul made a major bid to conquer the Third Thonian Empire a long time ago, in the dawn of Blackmoor, but he was defeated by time travelling heroes from another era, who somehow used a bar in Blackmoor City to time travel and don’t ask me how,” I said to him.

Ivan looked thoughtful.  “Could it have been someone on the Path of the Dynast?”

“They were said to come from the far future, thousands of years later,” I told him.  “Maybe as far as our time.”

Ivan paused. “Wait… all Marcus has left is the Testimony component, right?  His various misadventures with Bast and the Sword and endless reincarnation took care of the rest, right?”

“Yes.  But I think something unusual will be done there, since Bast basically made the normal Testimony method impossible,” I told Ivan.  “But getting back to Zugzul.  He’s unusual because Sphere of Energy people normally don’t go around encouraging giant armies of conquest.  Not *now*.  Maybe it was different before the Storm.  Sphere of Energy people normally try to get people to take up Arcane magic and promote magical societies.”

“Maybe it’s a bluff?  Maybe he does all this stupid stuff so no one notices his real project, tucked away on some other planet or plane?” Ivan speculated.

“Maybe, but he’s an amazing actor if that’s true,” I told him.

“Well, let me call Asterius, see if he knows anything and if this would count,” Ivan said to me, then took out his amulet and concentrated.

The fireplace suddenly whooshed with blue flame and Full Moon stepped out of it.  I could feel the power of it and I’m sure Mother felt it too.  Which she may use as an excuse to be pissy.

“So what do you think?” Ivan asked.

“If Zugzul is anything but an idiot, he has hid it very well,” Full Moon said, then laughed softly.  “This would be acceptable to fulfil your Trial.  I’ll have to double-check with one of the Hierarchs but I can’t see them making any objection.  And it would put Cunning Thought in your debt, and any tiny leverage with her could be useful to you.”

“Do you think she would actually care?”, Ivan asked.

“Mother takes debts very seriously but Father moreso and he suggested this,” I said.  “Oh.”  It hit me.  “Father is connected to the sphere of Thought as Full Moon is and as you will be.  He’s a Titan, not an immortal, but certainly a good stallion to have on your side.”  I was so worried he’d be angry with me, but I worried for nothing, it seems.

On the other hand, now I’m worried he and Mother are up to something here.  Maybe Zugzul just annoyed one of them or maybe Father just wants to see if Ivan is worthy of me…

“Do you know why he is attacking next summer?” I asked Full Moon.

“He’s probably just starting to organize now,” Full Moon said after thinking a moment.  “An army big enough to threaten Hule can’t be assembled overnight.  He may have a candidate for Immortality he is trying to help for the Sphere of Energy, though conquering things is more of a Time candidate’s style.  I’ll poke around a little and you might find something useful in the Library about the area, Luna.”

I sent a message to my other Avatar to start researching.  

“Do I have to do this solo or can I take a team?” Ivan asked.  “Because I don’t think I’m ready to do it solo, unless Zugzul’s people are all chumps.”

Monk…oh, *chumps*.

“You must take the lead and you should take your apprentice,” he said.

“Scootaloo… is pretty young,” I said nervously.

“Well, taking her was a risk,” Full Moon said.  “But she is on this path now.  Not the rest of the Crusaders, but her destiny is tied to yours.”

I tried to rub my forehead, then remembered too late I am a Pony right now and whacked my forehead.

“Luna, are you okay?” Ivan said, springing over to touch my forehead, which did not help.

Full Moon blinked at me but did not judge.

“I could be better.”  I sighed.  “I do not know if her parents will agree to this.”  

“Well, you can certainly do this just as a favor and not take her and it will not count towards your various Immortality tests,” Full Moon said. “That being said, she’s still young enough her parents are unlikely to consent, which is a problem.”

Ivan grimaced. “Well, I’ll talk to everyone.  If she comes, they will *all* want to come.”

“This could be good practice for your eventual quest,” I told him.  I wish we’d known this *before* he took Scootaloo but I suppose you normally take someone older.  I was never Sphere of Thought, so I didn’t know.

Wait, Celestia is Sphere of Energy!  She might know people who know something about what Zugzul is up to.  No one in the Sphere of Time will talk to me anymore.  I’m still technically Sphere of Time, but…  

Maybe Yav will still talk to me.

***********************

He came into the library and soon found me as I was shelving ancient scrolls.  They’re a pain because some of them haven’t been converted to modern standards and I have to update the tags.  Someone checked out a bunch of Blackmoor-era scrolls.  But all non-Blackmoorean matters.

Yav glanced at it then said, “Tomorrow, Ixion will be returning five hundred items he had on long-term loan.”

My eyes crossed.  “What was he doing with them?”

Yav is a dark-skinned half-elf; you could easily mistake him for a Tanagoro, if not for the pointed ears and his violet eyes.  Some days he looks more Elven.  “I don’t know, I just foresaw it as I came in through the front doors.”

“Thank you for coming,” I said softly.

“Do you know anything about Zugzul’s invasion of Hule next summer?” I asked him.

“The last I knew, he was still pouting because the Lord of the Golden Throne slaughtered his followers in Davania.  If he ever bothered to teach something beyond ‘RUSH IN A GIANT TIDE’ to his followers, he wouldn’t lose so often.  Thor’s also an idiot but he at least knows how to fight intelligently.”  Yav shook his head, then picked up a scroll from my cart.  “A Visit to Karagar, Scroll Six, by Chastag.”  He put the scroll down.  “Didn’t Karagar get destroyed by the Rain of Colorless Fire?”

“An invasion of beastmen destroyed it after the Rain weakened it,” I told him.  “It traded with Blackmoor but was not controlled by Blackmoor.  I think this scroll is from about three centuries before the Rain destroyed Blackmoor.”  I began putting all ten volumes on the shelf together, into the huge empty space they’d left when checked out.  “So you haven’t seen anything.”

He closed his eyes and sang a little song, then said, “Hmm, thousands of refugees from Hule will flee into the Divinarchy next summer.  I should decide how to advise them.”  He achieved his immortality by creating a kingdom on the Serpent Peninsula ruled by those with foresight.  

Sounds like Hule will lose or at least have a hard time of it, but that surprises me.  Hule is pretty big and very tough.  

Well, we will change it.  

“Can you see anything about the future of the Cauldron of Rebirth?” I asked.

He concentrated, then walked into a bookcase; fortunately they’re magically secured, so he bounced off it, though I now have twenty or so scrolls and books to reshelve.  He began picking them up. “Sorry.  All I can see is the cauldron tipped upside down with Zugzul’s head inside it, while this gangly orange Pegasus backkicks it, so it rings like a bell.”

…

“I must admit I would get very angry if that happened to me,” he said.  

Yes.  Anyone would.  I suppose Korotiku might laugh and say “Good Joke.”

Apparently this means Scootaloo has to go but I can’t take a filly into something like this.

“Why do we even…”  Then Yav shook his head.  “Oh, we keep accounts of destroyed cities because people might time travel to them, of course.”

“Or because things from them might survive.  And Father Time wants as complete a record of the past as possible,” I told him.

“What do you do if history changes?” he asked me.

“The library is in a time pocket; it is insulated from any changes.  This helps with figuring out if some unplanned changed happened,” I told Yav.  I only learned this when I started working here.

He stroked his beardless chin.  “Intriguing,” he said.  “I’ve never gotten into time flow manipulation but that would be very useful for some things for me.  I presume Father Time set it up?”

“I believe it required the Orb on this scale,” I told him.  “But I don’t know.  Certainly he could tell you how to do it.  You might need to invest some of your power into a permanent bubble without the Orb.”

We discussed time manipulation for a while and I pointed him to some books, then he said, “You should interrogate your mother and find out what she’s done to Zugzul in the past as this is probably about revenge.”

“Mother insists she has never messed with Zugzul because he is so stupid it would be too easy and thus boring,” I said.

“I can believe that, though I think she overstates his lack of intellect,” Yav said.  “On the other hand, some Immortals are amazingly dumb.  I don’t know how Bagni Gullymaw managed to get Immortality.”

Bagni is an Immortal Troll.  He spends most of his time in his pocket dimension, hunting and eating things.  Ka sponsored him but no one else understands *why*.  There’s ongoing rumors Bagni was a rare spontaneous Ascension, where you do something so amazing that you become an Immortal on the spot.  There are ongoing rumors that Rafiel ascended because he was caught in the reactor explosion which caused the Rain of Colorless Fire.  

Yav promised to ask around for me, but I suspect this won’t come to much.  But I had to try.

*******************

Ivan does Research:

Who better to go to than Twilight?  I coalesced out of the shadows and… Spike panicked and nearly set me on fire.  I dove over the blast.  “It’s just me.”  I was in the library; I’d been worried I’d busted into his… wait, where does Spike sleep?  Twilight doesn’t have a bedroom so much as a reserved bed area upstairs.

“Ivan, is that you?” Twilight asked.

“It’s me.  I hope you have time to tell me some things, because it looks like I’m going to be doing a dangerous quest into Hule and… is it the Empire of Dorfin IV north of Hule,” I told her.

“The Empire of Dorfin IV was a fraud committed by a gnome.  I guess they used that fraudulent Alphatian world map in your school,” she said, half a dozen books floating in the air; she was trying to *read them all* while talking to me.  “He conned the Alphatian Cartography society hard and while they’ve tried to issue updated maps, so many people haven’t gotten the news.”  She turned to Spike.  “Spike, I have six sets of coordinates, *all different*.  We’ll have to reconcile them somehow.”  She grimaced at one of the books.

“I’ve never actually attended one day of school; the only education we got in Karameikos was a kick in the head from the Lord and training in farming and hunting,” I told her, sighing.

The books all clattered to the ground and Twilight looked at me with a look of indescribable sadness. “I knew that but I wasn’t paying enough attention,” she said softly. “Wait, why aren’t you in Canterlot during a family visit?  Luna’s father is there, right?”

“Luna and I are gathering information for a quest,” I told her, then explained it all.

“Spike, bookmark these books,” she told him, and he did so; I wonder how he can tell which page, given she dropped them on the floor.  “I need the updated Atlas of Brun,” she continued.  “And…”  Her face crunched.  “And then you can take an ice cream break, Spike.”

He frowned. “You don’t have to hide anything from me.”

“I’ve been working you hard,” she said ruefully.  “Did we even eat dinner?”

“I’ll make us some.”  He looked at me.

“I’m full,” I told him.  

Spike nodded and ran off to the kitchen, in the back.

“I bet you’re nervous,” Twilight said softly to me.

“Luna’s mother tried to pretend she didn’t want us involved, so she obviously has some game afoot beyond simply saving Hule,” I said.  “Anything you know about the Cauldron, or Zugzul or anything Cunning Thought may have done to screw with him would be good.”

She conjured me a chair.  Spike had apparently forgotten the Atlas, so she pulled it out and gave me a geography lesson.  The lands north of Hule are known as Hyperborea and they’re full of city states, wandering barbarians, and wandering monsters.  They gradually get very cold.

“Zugzul normally isn’t involved there at all,” Twilight said, frowning.  “Zugzul has a weird thing for conquest; everyone assumes it’s some artifact of how things were different before the Immortal Storm, but very little is known of the pre-Storm era.”

“Well, if you can believe certain records, back then, Entropy was divided into four spheres and Time, Matter, Energy, and Thought were compacted into a single sphere of Law.  Which is how things are in the Nightmare Dimension now,” I said.  Twilight started and I smiled a little.  I have been studying Immortal matters.  I can read… now…

“This one Alphatian book I read asserted that the four Spheres were Narrative, Instinct, Art, and Chance,” Twilight said.  “Instead of Time, you built your own timeline and shaped the world by stories.  Instead of Thought, you acted on instinct.  Instead of solid, unchanging Matter, you made your own world by shaping chaos into solid things which would in time return to the chaos.  And instead of purposeful Energy, things were driven by chance and luck,” she finished.  “But getting back on track, not a lot is known of Hyperborea because it’s mostly wilderness surrounded by *more* wilderness.  Hmm, we could try scrying for the Cauldron…”

“I think Luna is planning to use the Moon to scry,” I told her.

She nodded.  “I’ll come with you to Canterlot and confer with Luna.”

“What do you think about the Scootaloo thing?” I asked her.

“Her parents will never approve… she’s too young but… this might be worth doing just as a favor to her parents.  I mean, Luna’s parents,” Twilight said.  “Far Sight is worth having on your side from what I’ve heard.”

A good point.  Also, the Crusaders may just show up for no reason, anyway.

******************

Celestia’s Late Night:

Mother and Father had retreated to their quarters, but we have a busy day of keeping Mother from causing some apocalypse tomorrow.  She wants to take Father to see Dash’s museum, which means having to bring Dash so I can apologize in advance.  I sent Dash a letter to please fly here in the morning.

Moondancer, Luna, Twilight, Marcus, Rarity, Ivan, and I met in the Blue Moon room; it’s one of Luna’s favorites, carefully assembled by her.  There’s a beautiful five hundred year old painting of a blue moon over one of the isles of Ierendi… Safari Island, I think, though it wasn’t Safari Island yet, then.  The walls match her hair and the carpet matches her coat and there are pictures of the night sky, mostly over the sea, but one over Canterlot as well.

The central table was blue marble streaked with black and silver; I had to conjure chairs for our human guests.  Then Luna dispelled them for not matching, and summoned matching chairs.  I had to laugh softly, then hide my smile.

“Should we go outside to the reflecting pool?” Twilight asked.

“I need not,” Luna said.  “I will scry, but this may take a while since we have no idea where in Hyperborea to look.”

Twilight gave us a long and informative lecture on Hyperborea’s history, fauna, and geography, using a map she’d reproduced.  I will spare you the details as it would take up too much space.

“Knowing it is humanoids does narrow things down,” Twilight said. “And Whelm is more potent against such, right, Ivan?”

“Yes,” he said.  “I’m wondering if Vanya is using Zugzul as a proxy; she has a grudge against Cunning Thought ever since the War of Five Kings.”  

“The what?” I asked.

“A struggle in the Savage Coast,” Twilight said. “Vanya hoped to unite the Savage Coast and exploit cynnabryl users to create a great empire, and instead, Hulean agents got them to all fight each other to exhaustion, then forced everyone to pay tribute and turned all the Vanya priests and priestesses into crabs and dumped them in Tortle territory.”

“And Tortle love shellfish, which is kind of ironic,” Ivan said.

“All of them?  Did they just keep trying until it worked?”  Anyone powerful enough to be worth polymorphing usually has a decent chance to resist it.  I felt sorry for the Vanya worshippers; that’s a terrible way to go.  

“I’m sure some of them escaped but they got the point,” Ivan said.  “I’m surprised Hule didn’t conquer them all at that point.”

I half expected Mother to barge in; instead, it was Rainbow Dash, huffing and puffing.  “Never fear, Rainbow Dash is here,” she said. “You can come out of the bag now, Scoots.”

…

“I had nothing else to do and it’s not that far,” Dash said to me.  “What do you need Scoots for, anyway?”

….

Luna frowned. “We did not ask you to bring Scootaloo.”

Dash paused, then frowned.  “Scoots…” she said as Scootaloo climbed out of her saddlebag.

“Cunning Thought came and told me and my folks Celestia needed me and I should hop a ride with you since I’m too young to ride the train by myself,” Scootaloo said. “But I think I am old enough now, but hey, this was cool too.  So what’s up?”

“Moondancer, can you get Mother?” Luna asked her.

Moondancer licked her lips nervously, then said, “Of course, your highness.”

“Mother!  I’m sure you’re spying,” I said loudly. “Please show yourself.”

No Mother but that could mean anything.

Moondancer now winked out in a teleport, and I tried to calm myself.

“I’m sorry, Scootaloo.  We’re going to have to send you home,” Ivan said.  

“My folks already said it was okay, but they didn’t even ask what it is, so what is up?” Scootaloo said.

Mother probably used charm magic on them.  

Mother now appeared with Moondancer and Father.  “What exactly…”  She blinked.  “I did not realize Rainbow Dash would get you here so quickly.”

“Mother, did you use charm magic on Scootaloo’s parents?” I said, frowning.

“Celestia, dear, the day I need to use charm magic to get what I want from the weak-minded is the day I throw myself into the Great Crack because I will deserve no better,” she said, frowning back.  “I simply told them that she was needed for a secret mission and they… Scootaloo, why did they try to give us a bag of carrots?”

“Because they have a bajillion carrots from aunt Carrot Top and so I have to eat the nasty things ALL THE TIME,” Scootaloo said angrily.  “When I become an Immortal, I will never eat carrots again!”

Mother looked baffled, then said, “Oh, they had a surplus and wanted to give me a gift.”

“Some days I wonder if they wished they’d given birth to a carrot,” Scootaloo said in frustration.  “Anyway, there had better not be any carrots.”

“I guess I won’t be bringing any of my soup, then,” Ivan said weakly.

So Mother just lied to them.  

“Well, you need her; her presence has been foreseen, so if you don’t bring her, either you will make a hole in time or time will bend over backwards to *make it happen*,” Father said.  “And Immortals can’t let holes be punched in time.”

Time holes are terrible things.  “History can be changed,” I said.  “It’s not inevitable.  History gets changed all the time.  It would be hard for Time Immortals to be born if that wasn’t possible.”

“I want to go… whatever it is… you must need a really great pilot,” Scootaloo said.

But probably the Crusaders will all try to get in on this and…

Luna said “I think we should all get some sleep.  It is late and I need time to decide what to do.”

“You *could* tell me what we’re doing,” Scootaloo said.

“That has yet to be determined,” Luna said wearily.  “Let’s all go to bed.”

“Don’t make too much noise with Ivan,” Mother said cheerfully.

Luna buried her face in her hooves and forelegs.

Father just rolled his eyes, then said, “Come on, dear.”

They both vanished.

“But…” Scootaloo said weakly.

“I don’t get it either, Scoots,” Dash told her.  “Let’s get a room and crash.  Maybe it will make sense in the morning.”

It seems likely Scootaloo is meant to go but she is still so young.  But adventure is in her destiny and this way, at least, she and her friends can’t just bull their way into it anyway.

I will think on it too.

****************

Ivan’s Late Night Conversation:

Dash and I sat on the roof.  “I think it’s too late to not take Scootaloo,” Dash said. “She and her friends will try to follow you if you don’t take her.”

I guess I wasn’t that much older than her when I left home, but… dammit.  On the other hand, Yav apparently foresaw her being there.

“Or we could just go do it RIGHT NOW.  I could be there in a few hours at most, given how fast I fly,” Dash said.  “And then Scootaloo doesn’t have to get involved.”

I was very tempted.  It avoids putting Scootaloo in danger, and Dash is both very fast and a great fighter.  It would be nice to have a spellcaster, but…

“Okay, fuck it, let’s do it,” I said.  “I have a Bag of Holding now, so let me just change into my armor and get Whelm out.  Once we have the cauldron, then Luna can figure out how to smash it.”

“Do we need tongs or something?” Dash asked.  “I assume this thing is made of pure evil.  So what exactly ARE we doing?”

You volunteered without even… well, that’s Dash.

Part of me wanted a caster, but if we don’t go NOW, Scootaloo will find out somehow and then die and her parents will kill me.

Well… I sent Luna a summons, hoping she was free.

She soon appeared. “What’s going on?”

“We three are going to do it.  I’ll just do it to help out your Dad, which I guess helps your Mom,” I told her.  “But if we dither around… I just can’t take Scootaloo into this and I should have thought it through before taking her as an apprentice, but so be it.”

“She’s kind of both our apprentices.  I’m on the same path as you,” Dash said.  “But yeah, she’s too young.”

I half-expected her to pop out of… “Better dump out your bags, make sure she isn’t hiding in them.”

I dumped mine too.

“Are you sure the three of us are enough?  I cannot deploy my full power for this,” Luna said.

“Every second we wait increases the odds of something going wrong,” I said.  

Dash emptied her bags, but all she had was the entire run of the Daring Doo novels, a book about eighth century Equestria and an entire crate of pine-flavored chewing gum.  And half a blanket.  Dash said, “Wait, where’s the other half?”  She shook her bags out more, then began stuffing books in.

“Let me get some rations and camping gear, just in case,” Luna said and vanished.

We have to go.  Before it’s too late.

I still have to figure out what to do for the monument part of this.  And the weapon.

As I can’t count Whelm, which I began juggling nervously as I waited, and I briefed Dash on the mission.

“Yeah, we can’t take Scoots, but we do need to do *something* with her,” Dash said.

“We can find some starter dungeon she could handle.  I wonder if the Caves of Chaos ever restocked,” I mused.  “That was our first dungeon delve, for Helga and I.  Marcus had been on them before, but I don’t know if he remembered it at the time.”

I am so glad I am not on the path of Matter; Fluttershy will probably enjoy reincarnating.  “How are you going to do the epic weapon, eventually?”

“No idea.  I don’t *use* weapons,” Dash said.  “Maybe I could make a ramming helmet somehow.”

We discussed that until Luna returned.  “Okay, Ivan, you can ride me and…”

Dash snickered.

Luna frowned. “Take this seriously, Dash.”

“Come on, you could not do more of a straight line than that,” Dash protested.

I mounted up, then Luna cast a spell.  “This will ensure you stay on.  You should lean forward and gently embrace my neck.”

I did so and then we took off FAST.  I hoped I wasn’t erring by not taking a crew, but this guaranteed that Scootaloo wouldn’t come along.  Dammit, I should have taken an apprentice old enough for these things.

We flew high, high enough that everything got tiny; it was dark and Canterlot was a sea of dots of light.  The countryside was a lot sparser with lights; it was weirdly like flying over a cloudy night sky; the night sky above us sparkled with stars and a half-moon shone down on us.

Canterlot soon vanished behind us; winds hammered at me and without Luna’s magic, I would have been blown off her back and gone flying down below.  But I knew she would never let me fall.  I trusted her.

Dash kept zooming ahead, then doubling back; I suspect she doesn’t know how to get to Hule; I only vaguely know.

We were moving at blinding speed, over Sind and then over desert and beyond that, mountains and then endless plains.  I was starting to get kind of cold, and then I felt Luna do something and I warmed up.  Thanks, Luna.

Hyperborea is a mix of grasslands and forest; I couldn’t figure out the pattern; I know more rain means forest, less rain means grasslands, but why the patchy… was it human intervention?

Some of the grasslands were farms, so maybe this is slash-and-burn agriculture at work.  I know there is some degree of civilization here, but it’s so far from where I grew up that we don’t know much.  The Alphatians themselves don’t have accurate maps.

We finally had to stop to rest, hiding in a patch of forest and sleeping quickly, then rising in the morning to go on.  We flew over a ruined town, but we could see a few survivors, so Luna made her horn invisible and then we flew down to a group of people busy grinding flour.  “What happened?” I asked.  “I am Ivan of Karameikos, and this is Moonglow and Swiftwind of Equestria.”

“Zugzul’s forces happened.  A bunch of skeevy humans and giants and red dragons and elementals burned the town and looted it for no reason!” one of the survivors said.

Another said, “Probably because Markov was part of the League of Law and the League of Chaos is now under Zugzul’s sway,” a second said.

“I’m just glad they didn’t bring any orcs or goblins.  The humans just stole, they wouldn’t…”  The third person leaned on what was left of the wall and began to sob.

“Hey,” Dash said, embarrassed, patting their shoulder.  “Given some time, you can rebuild all this.”

“If they don’t come back and finish the job,” the third one said dolefully.

“The good news is that they stole a lot of vegetables, but  they left the barley, rye, and oats untouched,” the first one said.  “I fear we’ll all get scurvy this winter,” he said.  “There’s only maybe two hundred of us left.”  Then he slumped.  

“Did they take your livestock?” I asked.

“Pretty much,” he said.

“We could shadowwalk to Canterlot, get supplies and livestock, bring them back.  It will slow us down, but I can’t leave them like this,” I told her.

She nodded.  “I agree.”

Now we really have to be sure to stop Zugzul before he destroys these cities… he must invade in the summer because he needs to remove these obstacles *first*.  That makes sense.

“We’re going to have to doubleback to Canterlot to get supplies,” I told Dash.

Dash made a noise, then said, “I could press on ahead.”

“Do you know how to get where we’re going?” Luna asked.  “Because I’m using divinatory magic to guide me.”

“Well, I mean, I could stay and help them here,” she said hesitantly.

“Okay, that makes more sense,” I said.  “If you just wandered off on your own, who knows what would happen.”

She gave us a hooves’ up.  We made some more inquiries, Dash started helping them clear rubble out of a blacksmith shop and we found some shadows and jumped to Canterlot.

****************

“Since you are helping me out, I will arrange for Hule to supply the town with what it needs,” Cunning Thought said.  We’d gone to see Celestia to tell her why we needed hundreds of pounds of vegetables, a bunch of livestock, and so on.  Luna could order it herself but it’s best to avoid surprises.

“We can arrange for it to be moved quickly,” Far Sight said.  “So you can get back to your quest.”  But he sounded pleased we wanted to help.

I was a little suspicious of how willing Cunning Thought was to help, but…

Then Rainbow Dash ran in.  “Scootaloo’s vanished!” she said.  “I can’t find her anywhere!  And you two ran off without me.”

…

Cunning Thought’s smile… damn her.

“But you…” Luna’s eyes narrowed.  “Scootaloo changed herself with the candy and talked us into leaving immediately.”

Dash sighed.  “I’ll go with you and lecture her.”

“She was cunning, but I warned her that it might go wrong,” Cunning Thought said mournfully.  “Leaving Dash running around loose meant that her cover would inevitably be blown.”

“Mother…”  Celestia said, then sighed.  “Let’s see about getting the supplies and I can send some ponies to help them.”

“And my people will help too, to make this up to you,” Cunning Thought said.  “But since she *is* your apprentice, you shouldn’t have tried to leave her behind.”

I should have found an apprentice who wasn’t a kid.

“And she’s the same age as you were when *you* left on your adventures with Helga and Marcus,” Cunning Thought said.  “So don’t be a hypocrite.”

Dammit.

“That’s a Karameikan custom.  Most of the Sheared go be sailors or try a craft, rather than going adventuring,” Celestia said.

I wish Helga was here.

“I can’t blame her for dreaming big.  I just don’t want her parents to cave in my skull,” Dash said.  “Well, they’d try.  But you know what I mean.”

“They already said yes,” Cunning Thought said.

I surrender.  Let’s just get this moving.

*****************

Luna’s Mission:

Mother kept her word; we supplied them with food for the winter and help to gather what is left of their harvest and Mother supplied more food, small beer, and a fresh set of livestock.  Good quality too.  Not one of Mother’s tricks.  And more people to help with rebuilding.

What is Mother’s angle?  And why is she *so* insistent we take Scootaloo?

Dash gave Scootaloo a lecture… she might listen to Dash, then she helped.  Once we had the town functional, we headed on.  Celestia will ensure all the helpers can get home.

We’d gone on two more days when, to my surprise, Ixion was sitting on a stump near us, in his avatar he uses on the Savage Coast.  So he looked like a human Belcadizian, basically.  “Thank you, Luna,” he said.  “For taking time from whatever you are doing to help Markov.  It would have taken weeks for me to get them aid, maybe too long.  I wasn’t even aware anything happened.”  He sighed.  “But as you know, even the Immortals cannot see all that happened, and I am busy with a political crisis on the Savage Coast.”

“Which might be why your town got hit *now*,” Ivan said, frowning.

“Wait, who are you?” Dash asked, studying him.

“I am Senor Henrique de Carabala in this body,” he said; unlike his immortal form, he has curly dark hair and bronzed skin; his immortal form is golden haired and golden skinned.  “But one day, you will know me as Ixion.”

“The man who is trying to get the Savage Coast to unite in a league,” Ivan said.  “Good luck, it’s like trying to convince cats to form a league.”

“I know,” Henrique said.  “I just dropped in to thank you.”  He rose.  “I warned Zugzul to stay away from the League but he did not listen, it seems.  He has not yet learned, though he should have, that direct involvement of the kind of he favors, tends to lead to disaster.  Just be careful.  He cannot come against you in strength, but it is within the rules for him to become some sort of freakish half-dragon, half-fire giant monstrosity which could eat the tarrasque for breakfast, so long as it doesn’t go beyond what the mightiest mortal heroes can face.”

Dash said, “Man, that sounds amazing.  Now I want to fight that.”

“We’d kick its ass!” Scootaloo said excitedly.

Henrique looked at me.

‘Ivan screwed up and took her as his apprentice, so we have to take her,’ I told him.  ‘I will not allow her to suicide.’

‘Good,’ Ixion told me.  

“We’d all die unless Luna broke cover,” Ivan said.  “Does Zugzul abide by the rules very much?  I’ve always wondered why he’s still only halfway up the Immortal Ladder when he’s as old as you are.  Like you, he survived the Immortal Storm, right?”

There was a long silence and I tensed.  It’s not easy to make Ixion angry, not *seriously* angry.  “Zugzul does not understand teamwork well.  He is like Thor, if Thor did not have Odin to restrain and guide him.  He is like Vanya, if Vanya lacked cunning.  Fire consumes and creates, but he mainly consumes.  I keep trying but he keeps angering too many other immortals, who then crush his worshippers and so his power gets trimmed back.  A lot of immortals start like Zugzul, then get wiser.  He does not seem to learn from experience.  He wrecked the giants, led the Ahfridi to destruction, helped screw up Nithia…”  Ixion shook his head.  “I am going to have to give him a lecture on not attacking places under the protection of other members of his own sphere.”

“So how does Vanya avoid attacking places that other Time  Immortals have under their protection?” Ivan asked curiously.

“Those seeking immortality in Time have to create a state and preserve it,” Henrique said.  “And there is always some competition inside spheres, but Zugzul overdoes it.”  He now rose.  “I should go.  Thank you for helping my people.”

“It’s what heroines should do,” Scootaloo said.  “When people need help like that, you pitch in, right?”

“Right,” Henrique said.  “So you shouldn’t complain to your aunt about helping her out.  Be seeing you.”  He vanished in a puff of flame.

“If that town had wanted me to waste my time on carrots, I would have burned it more,” Scootaloo grumbled.

Ivan and I both laughed.  That’s Ixion all over.  

“How did he know?” Dash asked.

“Whenever the sun is up, Ixion, like Celestia, can see whatever it shines on,” I told her.  “She learned it from him.”

“So will Rainbow Dash be able to see everything that can see a rainbow one day?” Scootaloo asked.

“I’m not sure,” I told her.  “That would be a beautiful ability, though.”

“My followers will be SUPER FAST,” Dash said excitedly.  “And super cool.”  She patted Scootaloo, who smiled.  “Let’s get some breakfast and go!”

We were soon airborne again.

******************

“Turn back or be destroyed!  Zugzul has had enough of your family’s meddling in his affairs!”  the Red Dragon shouted at us as it charged at us through the air; we were flying over farmland; far below, farmers were gathering in the harvest while they could; to the east, it was drizzling, but the sky was clear here.

So much for surprise, but how does he know?  “We haven’t meddled yet!” I protested.

“Is that Zugzul in disguise?” Dash whispered to me.

“No, but he apparently told this dragon far too much,” I grumbled.  “This world belongs to mortals!  Tell your master they’re not just toys for him to play with until he loses!”  And that was Mother’s influence… I shouldn’t have added the ‘until he loses’ bit.

“Take him down?” Scootaloo whispered.

I do not want to see Scootaloo get fried.

But also, how does he even… I hope Ixion didn’t let something slip.

“You can tell your master he can’t stop us from getting the Iron Crown before he does!” Ivan shouted.

Wait, what?

“Yeah!  Mom needs a hat!” Scootaloo shouted.

What?

“The Iron Crown is not just a *hat*!”  the dragon shouted.

The Iron Crown was made by Vanya, but like so many artifacts, it has kind of gone off to do its own thing and periodically shows up, enabling someone to create an empire.  The last I knew of it, a chimp had it and created a chimp army and destroyed some cities down in Davania.  Then he fell off a cliff somehow and the crown was lost.

“Then I’ll have to get its location from you!” the dragon shouted and charged at us.

“GO TIME!” Dash shouted and… flew over it.  At super-speed; this basically created huge turbulence and sent the dragon tumbling.  

“Get in my bags, Ivan,” I told Ivan.

He got in, then the three of us flew around the dragon, screwing up his flying until he finally threw up, crashed, and laid on the ground, sick to his stomach.

“Clever idea, Dash,” I told her.

“Thanks,” she said.  “That was totally my plan.”

Now I wonder what her plan was.

*****************

Dash’s Clever Plan:

I had *meant* to ram it head on but I missed.

But I had another plan.

“Look, you turn us all into humans and Ivan into a really big Pegasus and then you ride him and navigate and we hide in the bags… hell, we could hide in the bags as ponies, but I don’t know… maybe people would detect us?” I said.

“I dunno, is Ivan going to be able to handle flying very well?” Scootaloo asked.  “I might have to pilot him.”

“Ivan…” Luna said hesitantly.

“It’s a good plan.  If there’s an emergency, Scootaloo can come out of the bags and help me out,” Ivan said.  “Make me look like a *shadow pony*, so I can use my shadow tricks too.  And you can be my evil shadow elf mistress.”

“Mmm, kinky,” I teased them.

“The shadow elves don’t actually serve Entropy,” Luna pointed out.  “But I can do evil mistress.  That will throw them off us.”

Pretty soon, Ivan was a pitch black Pegasus stallion with a cutie mark you could barely see – a big black spider.  Luna had become a Belcadizian style Elf clad in black leather pants and this weird thing that covered her breasts but left her stomach bare… isn’t that a vital spot for humans?  Your guts are there.  

And she had this glittering golden spider necklace.

Man, Ivan looked great.  But I have a coltfriend, so I let Luna turn me and Scoots into Thyatians and we got in the saddlebags.  Scoots studied her hands; she’s not used to them.  I whipped out some cards.  “This will be easier than usual.”

This will be kind of boring but I think they’re going to enjoy it.

“Isn’t he normally a palomino?” Scoots said, studying her cards.  

“It’s a disguise,” I told her.  “If I had blue skin as a human, everyone would get suspicious.”  

“I don’t see him as a pony much,” she said.  “Wait, which game are we doing?”

“Oh man, if we gamble, your mother will kill me,” I said.  “But most of the non-gambling games need four or five ponies.”

“We’re bold adventurers.  I’ve got money… I mean, we’d better stick to coppers, though,” she said. 

“Well, I think he and… not everyone’s like me.  I could turn into a potato and I’d be cool with it,” I said.  

“What a terrible idea,” she said.

We dug out our coppers.  

“I think they bang as Elves anyway,” I said, then regretted my own birth.

Smoke came out of Scoots’ ears.  “Never remind me of that again!  Sweetie says Rarity and Marcus do it every…”  She gurgled.  “Let’s focus on the game.”

“Time to take all your money,” I crowed.

****************	

Luna’s Mission:

There were no more cities here, only goblin camps and orc ‘towns’.  Zugzul is massing a humanoid army here.  They paid us little mind.  Good thinking, Dash.  You were wise to suggest this.

Dash stuck her head out.  “Hey, can either of you break some gold for me?  I ran out of copper.”

I could hear Scootaloo laughing.

“There’s a bag of copper coins; just pop the gold into it, take what you need,” Ivan said.  

“Someone needs to tell Marcus and Rarity to be more discreet,” Dash whispered to me.

…

Ivan went into a spiral, but pulled out of it.  “I don’t want to know,” he mumbled.  “That’s their business.”

I know too much about it because Rarity asked me for advice.  I would expect her to be discreet.

“I’ll do that,” I mumbled.

“Thanks, Ivan, you’re a pal,” Dash said and dropped back in.

Ivan hasn’t tried, but… We’re both…

Love makes me nervous now, after Sombra.  Ivan is not Sombra, but it’s hard to open up.

And he has his own issues.  I suppose Marcus, after being so many things, is used to it.

“Thank you for agreeing to this,” I said to Ivan.

“I need to get used to it.  Also, I have to say, I look more impressive this way,” he said thoughtfully.

“You look incredible,” I told him, ruffling his mane.  

“So do you,” he said.  

I am basically ripping off Arachne Prime’s favorite humanoid form, but I think I look good.  I’m not always sure; my instincts are still Pony instincts, though I’ve turned into all sorts of things.

“I can see why Dash loves flying so much,” Ivan said.  “I’m gonna be pretty tired by the end of the day, though.”

“Your muscles aren’t used to it,” she said.  “We’ll stop before you get wiped out.”

But I was glad he was enjoying it; we chatted and I told him stories about my adventures and he about his and I reveled in flight. 

I think Celestia is a little more Unicorn and I’m a little more Pegasus at heart.  Movement makes my problems less.

The big problem now is figuring out where the cauldron is; mortal magics generally have a range of a few miles at best and I can’t… I could probably get away with using my immortal senses, but this quest won’t do Ivan any good if I cheat.

“The cauldron should be in a really *big* camp, right?” Ivan asked.  “Or a temple?”

“Yes,” I said.  “No sign of any temples, but maybe we should raid a camp for someone who might know something.”

So I put up a protection from missiles spell and we bomb-dove a camp and I used magic to snatch up a goblin.

“Don’t kill me, dark mistress!” he wailed, trying to hide his face from the sun.

“Where is the leader of your hordes?” I demanded.

“Towards the setting sun!” he wailed.  “Bubhoshlug the Mighty has gathered his Great Horde in the Green Place!”

I dumped him back in his camp, then flew west.

The Green Place turned out to be an area along a river where everything was healthier… or had been, before Orcs and Goblins and Bugbears and Fire Giants and whatnot had moved in.  They had built a crude stone fortress and a bunch of forges; everything green was burning to fuel them.

I landed off behind a ridge and got the others out.  “Okay, time for us to pose as evil adventurers.”  Blam, Dash now looked like a pirate and Scootaloo was in black robes with a staff and Ivan stayed sexy… I mean, evil.  Evil sexy.

“I can’t do any magic, you know, not that kind,” Scootaloo pointed out.

“So no one will think it’s you,” Dash pointed out.

Scootaloo looked trapped by that logic.  

“This is great,” Dash said, drawing her cutlass and brandishing it.  “Harr, I’m the Great Pirate Stealistificus!”

It will do.  “Ivan, you are Black Widower and I am Duathwen Shadowrider,” I said.  “We’ll claim we’re looking for work, then just grab the Cauldron and run.”

If I try to come up with a more complex plan, Dash and Scootaloo will likely turn it into that.

Ivan looked at me.  I looked at Ivan.

He nodded.

I put a little spell on the staff so it will look magical and electrocute anyone Scootaloo bashes with it.  Scootaloo swung it around.  “Can I be Blastfist the Lightning Mage?”

“Yes,” I said.

“Awesome,” she said, waving the staff around.

“What if they say no and we don’t see the Cauldron?” Dash asked.

…

“Well, once we’ve seen inside, Ivan and I can sneak us in at night,” I told her.  “Good thinking.”

Dash can be smart.  I should have trusted her more to have some sense.

“Arr!  You should have made Scootaloo my parrot,” Dash said.

This is why I did not.

“No way!” Scootaloo said.  “You can be the parrot!”

“It’s only one letter from carrot,” Dash crowed.

I let them fight a while; best to let them get it out of their system.

**************

Ivan’s Mission:

Dash and Scootaloo bring out each other’s inner idiot, I fear.  But they got their acts together and we headed over the ridge and into the camp around the fortress.  Luna just stalked along like she owned the place, while Dash and Scootaloo rode on me and I told my wings to *stop flapping*.  

When we had a chance, I asked Dash, “How do you get your wings to relax?”

“Uhh… you learn as a foal,” Dash confessed.

“If you’re agitated, they flap,” Scootaloo told me.

Dammit.

“It’s going to be fine, we’re here, I can amp you up if I have to,” Scootaloo said.  “But you flew amazingly well for someone with no experience.”

“The magic provides some instincts, especially for things that are really essential, like flying for a Pegasus, or pouncing for a jaguar,” I told her.

“Being human is kind of freaky, nothing personal, Ivan, but I do have to say hands are nice,” Scootaloo said, wiggling her fingers.

“Well, being a Pegasus is weird to me, but I’m going to need to get used to it,” I said.   If Luna and I…

She is just so amazing.

I nearly walked into the gates, thinking about how beautiful she is in all her forms.

And not so dumb as my gate-ramming self.

*****************

Bubhoshlug the Mighty was a huge orc, possibly with some ogre blood; he did not have the Cauldron in his throne room, but he had a force of troll and ogre guards and a bunch of Orcish hangers-on, as he sat on his throne literally made of skulls.

And leather.

Zugzul knows how to pick them.

“I am Duathwen Shadowrider and this is my faithful steed Black Widower,” Luna purred at him, slinking up close to him.  Do not stare, I told myself.  “I am joined by our warrior, the Great Pirate Stealistificus, and our mage, Blastfist the Lightning Mage.  We are travelling adventurers, seeking some great lord who can use our services.”

Dash was studying the place; there was less loot in the Great Hall than I would have expected, though there were a lot of shields and weapons on the wall taken in war… they weren’t ugly Orc work.

Bubhoshlug the Mighty looked at her in a way that said what he most wanted of her.  Ugh.  But then he looked at an Orc who stood near him, wearing fire robes and the symbol of Zugzul (a fiery pit).  He had a battle axe on his back with runes marked in red metal on his back.  “You must undergo the Test of Zugzul if you are to serve the mighty Bubhoshlug,” he said.  “I am Grimkarak the Wise, who commands the powers of Zugzul, Lord of Fire.”

“Hah, my lightning can overcome anything!” Scootaloo said enthusiastically.

“Bring it on,” Dash said, forgetting she is a *human* right now and I don’t think she actually knows squat about sword fighting, though it looks like… dammit, I should have loaned her Whelm.  I can’t use it like this.

“We stand ready,” Luna said.  “You will see our power and our trustworthiness.”

Not a big Orc virtue, really.

*****************  

We followed him through the fortress to a temple room; it was simple in style, an altar by a pit full of fire, with benches around the pit.  A huge black cauldron hung by a chain over the pit of fire… surely they are not using the Cauldron of Rebirth to cook food.

Four acolytes ringed the pit, each by a burning candelabra.  They began to sing.  The flames roared higher.

“Pick an Acolyte,” Grimkarak the Wise said.  “Stand by them and thrust your hands into the fire.  If we can trust you, you will not burn.”

I felt Luna do something magical; an enchantment.  Time to cheat.

I flew into the fire, circled the cauldron, and returned, unscathed.  Hah!

Grimkarak’s eyes widened slightly.  “Impressive.”

Each of us passed the test.  Dash looked at Luna.  ‘Grab and go?,’ she thought.  Or so I guessed.

This seems too easy; on the other hand, he took a wise precaution and this is months before the actual invasion… shouldn’t there be undead around?

Luna looked at me.  This is my quest.

Grimkarak began praising Zugzul, and us.  “Come with us,” he then said.  “We will show you to the King and he will decide what you can do for us.  Clearly Zugzul guided you to us, for the last three groups all burned.”  He shook his head.  “They would have made good zombies, but Zugzul does as Zugzul desires.”

I have an idea already.

******************

The King looked surprised, but said, “Zugzul has guided me from a cave to a palace.  I will trust his judgement.”

Possibly Grimkarak has used you as a puppet, but…

“I will pay you a chest of jewels if you will recover the Iron Crown for me; rumor has it that it is in this area and I want it,” The King told us.  

Ahah.

“We will do it,” Luna told him.  “Do you know a place for us to begin searching?”

This was followed by going back to the chapel and doing a rite; a vision appeared of a mountain to the west with a cave, floating in the air.  Is this a trap?

But we thanked them and headed out.

Once out of the fortress and camp, I said, “Given we lied about the crown, either this is a trap or we got really lucky.”

“Why bother sending us off, though; we were inside the fortress,” Dash said.  “Unless maybe Grimkarak wants to kill us without the King knowing he was setting us up?”

“The fire was Zugzul’s power,” Luna said.  “So he could have detected me, possibly, or maybe he just wants to use us for something.”

“Or we accidentally prophesied, like Daring Doo did in Daring Doo and the Prophesy of the Five Mirrors,” Dash pointed out.

“I thought that was time travel or something,” Scootaloo said.

“Daring Doo had to make it come true after accidentally causing the prophecy, yeah,” Dash said.

“You know, Daring Doo looks weirdly like someone took you and mixed all your colors with something kind of dark,” Scootaloo mused.

Luna explained this but none of us understood it, then she said, “Well, let’s go investigate, in case it’s important or the Crown is somehow *really* there, and then tonight, we make off with the Cauldron.”

So we flew off the cavern.  Dash said, “Should we turn back?”

Luna cast a spell.  “He is not scrying us, so yes.”  A simple spell reverted us all to normal, except Luna, who stayed a dark elf to my surprise.

The first part of the cave had a bear; Dash dropkicked him out.

…

He fled and did not return.  

How strong is she???

I readied Whelm and we headed back into a tunnel, which led to a three way fork; no signs.  “Always go left,” I told Scootaloo.  “That’s the maze rule.”

“Yeah,” she said, giving me a hoof up.  “Dash and I could scout down two of them while you two make out or whatever.”

“Never split the party that much,” I said.  “This is my quest, so I will scout ahead.”

“Then scream for help,” Scootaloo said, grinning.

“Then jump back with my powers,” I told her.  It feels weird to have powers, but I guess when I am Immortal, I’ll have a lot of powers.

“You need a dark place, right?” Dash said.  We were operating by a glowing sphere of light Luna had made.

“I can jump into Luna’s saddlebags,” I said.  “Thanks, Dash.”  I hadn’t thought about that.

I got a hoof’s up for her.

Scootaloo wiggled her eyebrows, then looked disappointed.  I probably shouldn’t ask.

Instead, I slipped ahead; I can see in the dark now too, thanks to my abilities.  This is how I found the four blade traps, the two pit traps, the falling rock trap… this tunnel had better have *something*.

I jumped back.  “This hallway is full of traps.  Luna, can you put us in contact with… Pinkie?”  She worked for a trap company in another dimension *and* she’s a bard.  Maybe she knows a legend.

Luna drew on the wall and chanted; a window opened and now we could see Pinkie, who was busy staring right at us.  “You’re not a cake!” she said.  I could see she was in a kitchen.

“This is a spell for Ivan to ask you some questions,” Luna said.

“So you didn’t turn the oven into anything,” Pinkie said carefully.

…

“No, it’s just us,” I said to her.

“Hey, Pinkie,” Dash said, casually leaning on the wall.

I told her about our situation and described the rune which was on all the traps.  Her face scrunched up.  “Hold on…”

She ran out of the room, then came back with a bag hanging from her mouth, a little drawstring bag; she then opened it with hoof and teeth and dice spilled out; she carefully isolated two weird ones and rolled them.  “Thirty-five!  I made the Legend Lore roll!”

I looked at Luna, who shook her head at me.

“That’s the mark of Gijsbert Kraaijenbrink,” Pinkie said.  “A Flaemish wizard who built dungeons for people in the 8th century.  It sounds like you’ve found the missing Ultra-Death Dungeon of Blargarkarshash IV!  When he died, his remains teleported to the bottommost chamber with all his treasure; he wanted to eat the souls of everyone who died in it, trying to collect the treasure!  But he had the Sword of Grishnargazgazfrinkgaz!  And a crown with five rubies the size of Scootaloo’s eyes and the Leopard Cloak of Distgarkargag!  Plus some poor Paladin’s armor and the Potato of Plenty.”

“Plenty of what?” Scootaloo asked.  

“You plant it and then in 90 days, you can harvest a thousand potatoes,” Pinkie said.

“But not the Iron Crown,” I said.

Pinkie rolled the dice again. “Eighty-five.  Sorry, I blew the roll, so I don’t know anything.”

I glanced at Luna; she shook her head.

“Is this Bard magic?” Dash asked.

“Yes,” Pinkie said.  

“So someone sending us there is likely meant to get us killed,” I said.

“Or they want the loot.  I mean, seriously, there’s some impressive loot down there,” Pinkie said.  

“We’ve seen enough,” Luna said. “Thank you, Pinkie.”

“Of course, if your idea about the fake and real cauldron is true, maybe Zugzul hid the REAL cauldron in it and when they get it in a year, that’s what causes the invasion,” Pinkie mused.

Dammit.  But it does make sense.  “Thanks,” I told her.

“Good luck!,” she said.  

We dropped the magic and then I said, “Well, we may have to press on but I don’t know if we have time.”

“Every day here is a day I don’t go to school and die of boredom,” Scootaloo said.  

Dash rubbed her forehead.  “I can’t be gone too long, I’m teaching a special class.  Being responsible feels so weird.”

“What if we all loaded into Dash’s saddlebags and I amped her up with my Cutie Mark and we just ZOOMED all the way to the end, so fast all the traps went off behind her?” Scootaloo suggested.

“I can’t get up to full speed in such tight quarters,” Dash said.  “Not even with you helping me.”  Her face scrunched up.

“Epic Heroes are *cunning*,” Luna said.  “All three of you want to walk that path.  You don’t brute force a solution like the Sphere of Matter.  The Sphere of Thought, your Sphere, is noted for cunning.”

This would be easier if I had those lockpicks, but…

Wait…

“I can use Whelm to sense treasures; if Luna could amp up its range, we could take the shortest route to the main vault, that would speed things up,” I mused.

“Maybe we could bash a straight line to it,” Scootaloo said.

“Not through this much rock,” Dash said.  “Hmm, maybe… Scootaloo, your cutie mark lets you ‘pilot’ things.  Does that include navigating?”

“Maybe?” she said.

“If I pulled a wagon and Scootaloo piloted it and could sense the right way to pilot me to get to the vault…” Dash said.  “It’s worth trying, right?”

“If we weren’t hundreds of miles from home, we could borrow Aunt Carrottop’s wagon but the smell *might* kill you,” Scootaloo said.

“I can jump to Canterlot, buy a wagon, jump back,” I said.

I think.  I’m not sure of my range.

Luna watched us, looking pleased.

I hope this is cunning and not ‘disaster’.

******************

The good news:  Scootaloo could navigate to the Vault, but not to anything in it.  But that’s good enough.

The bad news:  Slow progress as I had to spot and disarm trap after trap after trap.

No monsters at all, though, to my surprise.

“Probably adventurers killed them all and it has no way to restock,” Luna mused.

We did encounter a gelatinous cube on the sixth level, but it was easy to kill.

We finally made it to a room with a huge adamantite vault door.  “Okay, everyone get back in the hall; if I mess up, it won’t blow anyone else up,” I told them.

So they retreated and I took out two runes, then *sneezed* during the third.  I got hit by hurricane force winds, tumbled across the room, then blew down the hallway… while my companions seemed barely affected by it.  

Part of the wall where the hall bent had opened; I was going to be blown out a tunnel and fired off across the landscape to splat.

Dash flew after me and caught me, shoving me into her saddlebags.  Then she pressed up.  “Okay, this is kind of strong,” she said.

“Yes,” I shouted from inside the bag.

Scootaloo tried to press up to the door, then tumbled back.  “Let’s combine strength,” she said.

Together, her amplifying Dash, they could reach the door; I leaned out and began disarming the other wards and traps, praying I wasn’t going to take us all out.

Finally, the wind stopped and the door opened.

“That’s a powerful trap,” Dash said.  

“Gijsbert Kraaijenbrink must have been pretty powerful,” I said, getting back out.

Everything Pinkie told us was here was here, along with piles of gold and jewels.  And an exact copy of the Cauldron was here too.

There was a skull with glittering jewels for teeth.  “Oooh,” Scootaloo said.

“It’s a demilich, don’t touch it,” Dash said sternly.

“I was going to say that.  That probably has the soul of Blargarkarshash IV in it,” Luna said.  “Well done, Dash.”

“There was one in Daring Doo and the Tomb of the Evil Overlord,” Dash said.  “The former ruler of the City State of the Invincible Overlord was sending undead armies to harass it and Daring Doo went in and trapped him in her saddlebags.  Then in Daring Doo and the Skull’s Revenge, it escapes and comes after her.”

“I haven’t read that one yet,” Scootaloo said.  “Bad Dash, bad!”  Then she covered her mouth.

The skull now rose into the air.  “Master, agents of another immortal are here!” it shouted, eyes and jewel teeth glowing.

Uh oh.

A huge fire giant appeared.  Zugzul.  He had a huge hammer, which he pointed at us.  “I can smell the stink of Asterius the Thief!  The Cauldron is a test for *my* champion.”

“Too bad, suckers!” Scootaloo said.

“Dash, kick the Cauldron onto his head,” I shouted.

Dash backkicked it; it flipped through the air and landed on Zugzul’s head.

“Scootaloo, go to town!” I shouted.

Scootaloo circled it, kicking it over and over as Zugzul shouted angrily.

I’m wondering how Zugzul thought his champion was going to get through those traps.  

And then the skull began shooting rays at Luna and I as we jumped around like maniacs, while Zugzul howled fit to… okay, the dead already woke up.

I got tagged and felt it suck out some of my life force; I fell down and began digging in my bag of holding for a healing potion; Luna cast some kind of spell and the rays bounced off it, but then it set her on fire… what?  When did Demiliches get fire rays?

She rolled around, but it kept putting her on *more* fire.  Dash whirled around her and the fire went out, but now Dash got nailed with a ray.

But I drank my potion as Dash fell down and then I threw Whelm at the skull; it got hit, spun around and zapped Zugzul, who couldn’t see it to dodge, so it sucked him up.

…

I gave Dash a dose of potion as the skull spun more, then exploded; we all got cut by shards of crystal and now Zugzul was a huge fire elemental.  “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FARCE!” he shouted.

“Scoots, toss the Cauldron into Dash’s bags,” I said, then dove into Dash’s bags.  “We can use the trap exit to escape!”

She threw it in and it knocked me out.

I should have thought of that.

****************

Luna’s Escape:

I dove in and found Ivan clobbered in the bags.  “Scootaloo, power up Dash and go!”

I could feel us moving at blinding speed; Zugzul tried to chase us but he couldn’t match them.  

I healed Ivan’s injuries but let him rest, lying down alongside him to take a nap and do some research with my avatar in the Library of the Immortals.

**************

Cunning Thought’s Day:

“Well done,” I told Ivan, who was groggy.  “But now you need to destroy it.”

“We can put it in a vault; once Ivan makes his epic weapon, he can break it,” Celestia said.

We were in a meeting room at Canterlot.  

“You could have used your shadow powers to directly escape,” Far Sight said sternly to Ivan.

Ivan slapped his face.  “Blast, you’re right.”

“Yeah, but we did it the *cool* way,” Scootaloo said defiantly.

“Also, Zugzul will seek revenge,” Far Sight said.

“We just wrecked his plans and gave him a Stroke *and* since he’s Immortal, killing him just means he can make a new body and seek revenge anyway,” Ivan said.

“I yield your point,” Far Sight said.  “I am wondering what exactly was up with the priest sending you.”

“Zugzul probably sensed my power and sent us into a trap,” Luna said, frowning.

I made a little image of Scootaloo turning Zugzul into a bell.  “In my darkest hours, this is going to comfort me,” I said.

“Thanks!” Scootaloo said.  “So I guess I’ll need to hang out here until we figure out how to destroy it.”

“You’re going back to school tomorrow,” Dash said. “But tonight, we party!”

*****************

They all fell asleep within a half hour.

So Celestia, Far Sight, and I tucked them into beds.  

“The future has changed,” Far Sight said.  “Hule is saved and extends its power further north, instead.  And it looks like the boy may well amount to something eventually.”

I nuzzled Far Sight.  “I know someone who was a callow boy with goals he didn’t know how to accomplish.  With Luna guiding him, he’ll eventually get some sense in his head, without getting so much he gets boring.”

“I must report this news to Odin,” Far Sight said, then nuzzled Celestia.  “It’s so good to see you both again.  I promise to visit more often now.”

“I know about your duties,” Celestia said, nuzzling him back.  “Ivan is a good man.  And Luna definitely got her thing for rebels from you, Father.”

“Perhaps so,” he said.  “It’s a start.”  Then he backed up and became a wind and blew away.

I blinked.  “Oooh, nice,” I said.  “I should get back to tormenting Rathanos.”  I nuzzled Celestia warmly.  

I have long suspected Thanatos uses Zugzul as a deniable tool.  Having taken a look at the Cauldron reinforces this.  Does he suspect my plans?

There are still more pieces to put in place, but if he’s getting suspicious… or this could just be Zugzul being an idiot.  Sometimes I overcomplicate things.

I am going to treasure seeing him turned into a bell forever.

“Mother, I think you’ve done enough to Rathanos,” Celestia said.

“Words cannot express how much Rathanos needs his ego deflated,” I said.  “I suspect the hand of Thanatos behind Zugzul’s little scheme, but I may be paranoid.  He’s not happy about Sombra.”

“Too bad for him,” Celestia said, frowning.  “Do you think your own hierarch would do that to you?”

“Of course he would, he voted for Luna to be imprisoned for a thousand years after his stupid protegee set her up to get in trouble,” I said angrily, then tried to calm myself.  “But it’s also possible Zugzul is just an idiot.”

“I am not sure why he put the fake cauldron there and then hid the real one nearby inside a death trap that his chosen King could have never broken into,” Celestia said, frowning.  “Unless he knew Luna and Ivan were coming.”

“It’s not impossible.  He probably has friends in the Time Sphere or with foresight talent,” I said, frowning and licking my lips thoughtfully.  “I suppose I could go taunt him until he confesses.”

“That would probably just encourage him more to attack Hule,” Celestia pointed out.

“Well, it was good to spend more time with you and Far Sight.  I don’t get to see him a lot, since Odin is not very fond of me,” I said.

“You’ve given him good reason,” Celestia said, then sighed.  

Maybe just a little.  

Time may be closing in.  My one advantage is that my plan plays to all of Thanatos’ blind spots.  You can’t fight him with power, but he persistently assumes that compassion and kindness are weaknesses.

And they are, but so is his stubborn lack of empathy and his cold heart.  Connections to others will get you used and thrown away.  But they can also be a source of strength.  I have spent literally thousands of years figuring out how to weaponize love and joy and connections.  The things he can’t understand.  My daughters have created an entire kingdom of people who draw power from their connections to each other.  That’s why the Elements of Harmony are a set.  

He’s never even going to see his doom coming.

I just need more time to get all the dominoes in place.

I shouldn’t taunt Zugzul; I can’t let Thanatos know I am on to him.

I’ll figure out something.  “Time for me to go look to Hule’s defenses just in case,” I said.

Actually, I’m going to go harass Ranathos some more, but THEN I will go make sure Hule is ready for whatever crazy thing Ixion will do if he *does* unite the Savage Coast.

If anything can.

******************

Ivan’s Morning:

I woke with the dawn, still fully dressed, Luna cuddled up to me, asleep, still in dark elven form.  I let her sleep until she stirred; then she jumped back and we both fell out of the bed.  “Oww,” I grumbled.

“Mother decided to dump us in the same bed,” she said and sighed.

“It’s okay,” I told her.  “Man, flying is awesome, but I feel half-dead; all my muscles ache.”

“You flew a lot,” she said, getting off the floor.  “You made a very handsome Pegasus.”

“I looked awesome,” I told her.  “I worry my wings may have given us away.  I was still having wing nerves the whole time, and if the Priest knew that about pegasi…”

“I see,” she said.  “Well, if you practice with Dash and the Wonderbolts, you will eventually somewhat get over that, but even experienced Pegasi tend to show their emotions with their wings.  I will help you too, of course.”

“I should do that,” I told her.  “If I’m going to be Immortal, I need to get used to being all sorts of things.  It doesn’t come as easily to me as it does to Marcus.”  And if Luna and I…

Why does this have to be complicated.

“We could have a fly before breakfast,” she suggested.

“Sure,” I said, getting out some of my potion.

I tripped going out the window, but soaring across the sky was fun.  Luna assumed her natural form and we soared together.

We don’t need to rush things, whatever her mother thinks.  I hope I made a decent impression on Far Sight but fathers are usually skeptical of their daughter’s boyfriends.

I just have to give it time.

I mean, I’m not exactly her boyfriend yet, but…

You know what I mean.

One more milestone down, though!

******************

Princess Luna’s Day:

I have to give Zugzul credit – he didn’t use his Immortal form, so he didn’t get busted.  

I’m still not sure I really understand what’s going on, though.  What was the point of the fake cauldron?  To draw out his enemies?  To find a better user for the real one?

But I had a good time with everyone and learned I should put more trust in Dash; she thinks with her guts, but her guts have some good instincts.  Scootaloo did a good job too.  We might well not have succeeded without me cheating without her.

And of course, Ivan.  We work together so well, but I worked together well with Sombra.  There’s just enough connecting them… 	

But no, he’s a better man than Sombra ever was.  He has that fire to see justice be done.  As I did in my youth.  And still do sometimes.

I’m just going to take it one day at a time, but I feel we’re closer now.  And will likely get closer still.

He was clonked out on the bed after flying.  It is fun but he’s not used to it and it’s really intense.  So I will make him some food, because he’s going to be starving.

I think he made a good impression on Father, but enough of Mother has rubbed off on him over the years that it can be hard to tell.

There was a knock.  “It’s me, Full Moon,” he said.

I stepped out.  “Ivan was trying out being a Pegasus and he’s wiped out,” I whispered.

“He’ll need to find a way to destroy the Cauldron to fully finish this part of his quest, but everything is checked and triple-checked,” Full Moon said softly.

“Would it be acceptable for him to find a way to augment Whelm?  Also, Dash doesn’t *use* weapons,” I told him.

“The latter is in debate and I think the former would fly, but I will check with Odin, since he’s the Hierarch, once he finishes hanging from Yggsdrasil again.”  Full Moon stared off at nothing for a moment.  “Some days, I am surprised he didn’t enter the Time Sphere.”

I told him about the whole mission.

“It being Zugzul, he probably had some elaborate plan inside his head that even Bagni Gulleymaw would think was bad,” Full Moon mused.  “But I had a thought.  Perhaps it was a test for the Orc King to see if he could figure out it wasn’t the real thing, and then he would be directed to enter the mountain.  In the meantime, the priest was whittling away some of the defenses by sending in adventurers.  Or possibly that was him noticing who you all were and just sending you to your death, not realizing how good you all are.”

I suppose we may never know.  

I woke up Ivan, and Full Moon told him everything.  Ivan groggily said, “Cool.  I have no idea how I am going to amp up Whelm, though.”

“The Forge of Heroes is an immobile artifact in Davania.  Find that and you can strengthen your weapon,” he said.  “You’ll have to find it and overcome its guardians, of course.”

“There’s my next quest, then,” Ivan said.  “Going to want to train Scootaloo up.  She did well this time but she is still young.”

Full Moon nodded.  “You need to take your apprentice with you.  But you don’t need to rush; you’re still young too.”

“Are you staying a while?” Ivan asked.

“I have to go,” he said.  “I just wanted to let you know you did well.”

“I couldn’t have done it without everyone,” Ivan said, studying his hands; he was back to human form.  Then he looked up at me.  “Thanks a lot, Luna.”

“I was glad to help,” I told him.  “Now Mother owes us a favor and that could be useful.”

“If her power to make things wasn’t so messed up, I could call it in to help improve Whelm, but it would probably end up a head on a stick or something,” Ivan said.

Full Moon laughed.  “A favor from Cunning Thought can be a dangerous thing.”

We chatted with him, Immortal gossip mainly, then he left.  “Let’s get you some food,” I told Ivan.

“Thanks,” he said.  “Being a Pegasus was fun.  Tiring, but I enjoyed it.”

Good, I thought, smiling.  “We’re going to be all sorts of things in the future.”

I took his hand and squeezed it and he smiled at me, squeezing back.

Let’s not rush anything, I thought.  But it feels good to make a step forwards.  He is the kind I want, we just have to get used to… physical things.

But I think we can do it.  Seeing him help that town… Sombra would not have bothered.  But he wanted to do it.  It was his idea.  I was glad to help him.

Markov will recover, and I am glad.

******************

Far Sight’s Evening:

I kneeled before Tyr, who was in charge while Odin is off hanging from Yggsdrasil.  “I watched him on his quest.  I do not think he will go the road Sombra did.”

“Good,” Tyr said.  “Could they tell?”

“No, sir,” I told him.  “And I had a nice visit.”

“I envy you that,” Tyr said softly, surprising me.  “I’m surprised Asterius recruited him, but Asterius does seem to know how to pick them.”

“He still has body issues, but I suppose it is better to take it slow,” I said.  “I will test him further in the future.”

“You spend almost all your time as a pony, so it’s best not to criticize others for body issues,” Tyr said sternly.  But then he relaxed.  “Tomorrow, you will going with your valkyrie but do as you will for the rest of today.”

I went off to think and get some food.  The day is approaching quickly.  I think the plan can work, but the consequences… but Cunning Thought has never been so good at that.  My fear is we’ll create an oscillating loop.  But I’m no expert at time magics.

But it’s worth trying.

Because Thanatos has to go.

I was sitting on a hill side, enjoying the sun and thinking about our plans when, to my utter surprise, a letter fell on my head in a puff of flame.  Cunning Thought?  But no, it was from ‘Sweetie Bell’, inviting me to a party on Friday, since they had ‘missed meeting me’ and wanted to meet me.

I had to take on a human form to write a reply; I will likely be on a mission but I should meet the Crusaders.  I can’t tell what Cunning Thought really thinks of them, but after watching one of them… I need to meet the rest.

A project for the future.

For now, I am going to enjoy this sunny day, for tomorrow, I may die.

Admittedly, probably not.

********************

Scootaloo’s Hullabaloo:

“I’m jealous you got to go,” Apple Bloom confessed.  “I wonder why it wasn’t all of us.”

“You all would have been blown away by the wind trap and maybe gone splat before we could save you,” I said to her.

We were doing homework, while Rarity darted in and out with snacks and drinks because she’s all weirdly mother hen like today.

Admittedly, I like orange juice and cookies.

“We need to get moving but school’s in the way,” Twist said mournfully.

“Our time will come,” Dinky said confidently.

This cool adventure should help me keep my sanity for at least a week.  And I’ll be able to brag about it for months.

That’s all I ask right now.

*********************

Cunning Thought:

Now Rathanos owes Ka a favor because two of my children got into the Hollow World and wiped out one of his living museum exhibits.  Good boys.  They should burn that whole mess down and start over.

Then I got a message.  Thanatos.  Dammit.

So I went to his chambers.  Basically, take the most stereotypical evil overlord hall, add more skulls, undead, souls of Storm Soldiers, and idiots.  Add a giant skeleton in black.

“KEEP YOUR MINIONS OUT OF HYPERBOREA,” he told me.  

“My minions are not in Hyperborea, unless you count helping to rebuild Markov,” I said.  “Which has now sworn to me and is no longer part of Hyperborea.”

“I AM UNINTERESTED IN YOUR QUIBBLING.  ABANDON MARKOV, PULL OUT OF HYPERBOREA.  OR I WILL SEE ABOUT ENSURING HULE NO LONGER MEDDLES IN THE AFFAIRS OF OTHERS.”

“Yes, sir,” I said.  Defying Thanatos to his face is futile, but now he frowned at me.

“YOU ARE PLANNING SOMETHING.”

“I’m going to do what you told me to do, you are the Hierarch,” I told him.  I am not at my best today but I didn’t plan this.

“I CAN DESTROY YOU,” Thanatos said.  “DO NOT CROSS ME.  USING YOUR DAUGHTER AS A PROXY DOES NOT FOOL ME.”

I have to find out what he is up to in Hyperborea.  “I will remember that.”

“NOW GO,” he said, and I went.

He may be bluffing me.  Thanatos *can* be clever, but he’s been getting more and more lost in his stupid goals and his power over time.

No one will miss him when he’s gone.

Except maybe Orcus, but he’s an idiot.

Time for subtle snooping and giving up my new town, dammit.

Well, you can’t win them all.  By my luck, this is like drawing four aces.

My plan is still on track.  He’ll never suspect that.

Revenge will be mine.

Enjoy your stupid cave of stupid evil while you can, Thanatos.  Because when I’m done with you, you will have never existed in the first place.

And I will have the last laugh.  

******************

Sweetie Bell’s Tea Party:

I put a terrific amount of effort into making food for this.  I had three treats from the Northern Reaches, where Far Sight and Cunning Thought are from:  almond caramel cakes, oatmeal crisp cookies, and semlor (cardamon-flavored buns filled with almond paste and whipped cream).  Apple Bloom brought cider and apple crisps.  Twist brought five kinds of tea and eight kinds of candy.  Scootaloo brought carrot cake (which she insisted I carry) and lemonade.  Dinky brought strange purple cakes which were allegedly ‘From the Fourth Galaxy’.  They smelled and tasted like grapes, and that was good.

Cunning Thought showed up in the dress Rarity made for her, while Far Sight wore a nice suit I didn’t recognize; they both had crowns, though Far Sight’s kept starting to fall off.  Then Cunning Thought would put it back in place with telekinesis.

“Semlor,” Far Sight said, then flicked his tail around, tossed it into the air and grabbed it with one bite.  Scootaloo and Apple Bloom applauded him.

“Watch,” Apple Bloom said confidently and did the same trick.

If I don’t take control, this is going to turn into athletic tricks with food day!

Scootaloo flapped her wings and knocked candy into the air, then swung around and ate it all.  She tried to say something, choked on the candy, and Apple Bloom had to kick her back to help her out.  This sent candy all over Cunning Thought, who then flung pastries at Apple Bloom and now it all degenerated into a food fight.

“MY TEA PARTY!” I wailed.  

Apple Bloom and Far Sight were *literally having a duel* as to who could kick food the other had kicked out of the air.

I tried to do the fainting couch trick but it never works for me and I just wrapped myself in the rug, then rolled out the front door of our clubhouse and down the ramp.

“Sweetie!” Dinky shouted; she galloped after me, lifted the rug with her magic and towed me back in; I rolled out of it to Cunning Thought’s feet.

“I’m sorry, Sweetie, we wrecked your party.  I think everyone just needed to let it out a little,” Cunning Thought said.  She gestured and a crown appeared on my head.  “Celestia wore this when she was little but her head is too big now.  It should fit you fine.”

I shivered, touching the gold, set with rubies.  “Thank you,” I said weakly.

“It’s the least I can do to make up for this,” Cunning Thought said.

“Get us another grand adventure, that’ll make it up for it,” Scootaloo said.

“You helped wreck this party,” Dinky said chidingly to her.

“I will look into opportunities,” Cunning Thought said.  “But right now, you need to focus on your studies while you still can.  The freedom of childhood doesn’t last forever.”

“I’m a carrot slave and a school slave,” Scootaloo grumbled.  

“Neither of us got to go to school,” Far Sight said chidingly, shaking his head.  “You are lucky to live in a time when you can.”

“The Shires have schools, but Karameikos and Sind don’t, but in Darokin, you have to pay after the first two years, so most people don’t,” I said, trying to remember the geography lesson.  “Glantri has a big school for wizards, but only pay schools beyond that, in Thyatis, your family hires or owns a tutor for you or you get nothing…”  I frowned.  “Why do other countries put up with Thyatis having slaves?”

“Because Thyatis is incredibly powerful,” Far Sight said.  “And the Alphatians, who would be more powerful if they weren’t so selfish, also keep slaves.”

“If they weren’t so selfish?” Twist asked.

“Many powerful Alphatians could destroy entire companies of troops but would rather spend their time studying exactly how many shades of purple exist, or finding the secrets of the Elemental Planes or seeing if you can really be stoned on zzonga continually,” Far Sight said, frowning.  

“Knowledge is power, but power…” Cunning Thought sighed.  “Celestia is good at getting people to use their knowledge to help others.”  She looked at Far Sight.  “Is Odin still hanging himself to get off?”

Get off what?

“For knowledge, yes,” Far Sight said.  “It shouldn’t be too much longer.”

“Too much is never enough,” Dinky said.  We looked at her.  “Sorry, I just like the sound of that.”  She ate an oatmeal cake.

“We should clean up,” Cunning Thought said; to my surprise, she did it as if she was an earth pony, though she did use magic to move the broom, instead of just magicking it clean.

“Why not use magic?” I asked her as *I* began throwing things in the garbage bag with magic.

“My physical magic is best at breaking things; it’s because I am in the Sphere of Entropy.  Some people demonize us, but it is our job to get rid of old, broken things, so that Thought can conceive new things and Matter and Energy make them.  Then Time remembers them and wears them down and we dispose of them, closing the cycle,” Cunning Thought said.  “Some of my co-workers overdo it, though.”

Far Sight made a noise, but did not comment.

“That’s why, even though all the spheres fight each other sometimes, we’re all part of the same Immortal Society.  As you will be one day,” Cunning Thought said.  

We all couldn’t help but smile at that.  There’s going to be a lot of pony immortals soon.  We’ll show them how it’s done!

It was time for the Crusader song!

***************

Thanatos’ Ending:

HE WENT AND HAD A TEA PARTY WITH A GROUP OF FILLIES.

Masauwu sighed.  “Yes, lord, she went and had a tea party with fillies.  They had a food fight.  She apparently is encouraging them to think they can become immortals.”

SO HE INTENDS TO USE THEM AS PUPPETS.

“Or this is part of one of her pranks,” he said.  “Far Sight was there, so maybe Odin is connected to this."

ODIN.  HE IS CURRENTLY HANGING FOR WISDOM AGAIN.

“Which doesn’t preclude him setting things in motion before,” Masauwu pointed out.  It’s the kind of strategy Masauwu himself would employ, as I think about it.

The problem with Masauwu is that he is an amazing spy but cannot be trusted.  All my agents are, unfortunately, either untrustworthy or idiots.

I will have to keep an eye on those children.  But I know they are connected to *actual* candidates for Immortality.  

I am going to have to rely on Masauwu, risky as that is.  His first loyalty is to Talitha and always will be.  If she had any higher ambition than rolling around on a giant pile of wealth (as if she couldn’t just create wealth from nothing), she would be impressive.  As it stands, I don’t think she will betray me; I have no money to pointlessly steal.

Well, whatever Loki thinks he is doing, Masauwu will find out.

Then I just have to ensure he doesn’t lie to me about it.

Masauwu’s eyes widened and he rubbed them.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 

“I am not sure what happened,” he said, sounding unusually rattled.  He glanced about the room.  “I didn’t actually vanish, did I?”

NO.

He sighed.  “This body needs some rest, I think.  I will put another avatar in charge of spying on them.”

GET TO IT.

Was he faking… I decided to forget about it.  Even Immortals have moments of weakness.

Once I find the Hourglass, I will be able to erase this wretched excuse for an existence and return things to how they should be.  

This time, the Cleansing will work.  

This time.

THE END FOR NOW.