Chapter Eight
The Confrontation
I awoke from the dream to a sight so beautiful, at first I was unsure if I was actually awake or not. Joy slumbered peacefully just a hair’s breadth away from me, our limbs still intertwined as they had been when we went to sleep. On second thought, I couldn’t care less about whether I was asleep or not; this was perfect either way. I lay there in silence, just watching Joy’s chest gently rise and fall in time with her sedate respirations.
I soon became aware of the reason I had woken in the first place… our muzzles were only a few centimeters apart, and every time she would exhale she would stir a few cerulean strands of her mane that in turn would tickle my snout. It was not an immediate concern, but rather a cumulative one. Each breath tickled a little more, and I could feel the sneeze slowly building.
I warily eyed the horn sprouting from her forehead as I recalled the events with Derpy the day before. I would very much like to not discover which one was harder: her horn, or my head. This brought its own problems though… she was so damned cute, it seemed almost criminal to wake her… I wanted nothing more than to simply bask in the adorable forever. The building sneeze reminded me why exactly it was that I was waking her up though, and I almost immediately came up with a workable solution.
I leaned forward slowly, inching my way closer to her in a valiant attempt not to wake her, and for once I was successful. Gently, I placed a single kiss on Joy’s lips.
She was still asleep, but that didn’t stop her from stealing my heart. In her sleep, she blushed a bit and returned the kiss, breaking it with a smile.
Diabeetus level is quite clearly over nine thousand. I am not even sure how I was still alive with so much cute in my veins. Even as I was trying to convince my heart that yes, I really do need it, and that I would be very unhappy if it exploded from cute-overload, something else registered.
Joy was still asleep.
Well, I guess I’ll have to try again… darn.
I kissed her again, though this time she returned the kiss a bit harder, one of her hooves finding its way to my chest and gently stroking my coat, just over the breast bone.
My position on my side was unintentionally adjusted as my wing fought its way out from beneath my body. This time, it was I who broke the kiss. I’d have to find another way to wake this mare, as this approach was going to escalate quickly if it continued. Even as I was contemplating how else to wake the adorable mare, I just happened to glance down in time to see the mare close her eye, and then open it slightly, trying to see if her ploy had been discovered.
Oh, Joy… you are so busted. I was leaning in for another kiss, though this one wouldn’t be at all what she was expecting… I was going to do a repeat performance of last week, where I tried to kiss her facehoof and make it better. I drew closer to Joy, and the mare betrayed her consciousness by puckering her mouth slightly… yeah, she is a terrible actress. I wasn’t about to tell her this, though… I figured this would give me a slight edge in the future.
Ignoring her puckered lips, I stretched my neck a little farther, and was just about to have a sloppy makeout with her forehead when my plot was foiled by the bane of my existence: my watch alarm. My heart just about jumped out of my chest, and if Joy’s reaction was any indicator, she was equally surprised. My plan foiled, I planted a quick peck on her forehead before I silenced my watch. You got off easy this time, Joy… but next time… beware the wrath of my sloppy makeouts.
I don’t recall being such a sappy schmuck in the past, but apparently sometime within the last twenty-four hours or so, somepony in my head had flipped a switch and made me a hopeless romantic. Granted, I was hopeless before, but I was pretty good at hiding it when it came to romance. I couldn’t decide whether I was acting this way because I was in Equestria, or whether I was just overly excited to be receiving the attentions of a beautiful mare, but I was sincerely hoping that I’d be able to calm my ass down ‘till I got off of work. Last thing I wanted right now was to give Sweeps a reason to dock my pay, at least until after my date with Joy.
As Joy and I got up from the bed to get ready for the day, we shared a neck-hug-thing before we set off to our various showering facilities. From my place in the guest shower, I heard Joy’s shower start up before I had even gotten into the shower. Even though she had a head start, I was sure I would be out before her. After all, I was a male; and she, a female: the gender stereotypes assured this. In spite of said stereotypes, I decided that if I should indeed be out of the shower before her, I’d try my hoof at making breakfast as a surprise for her.
What? I just used a stereotype as the basis for a decision that defies stereotypes? Pssh, naw. Only an idiot would do that. I showered with my usual brevity, contemplating what I could do for breakfast. Should all of the required ingredients be present, I was planning to make one of my favorite breakfasts of all time. The recipe was so simple it was almost criminal, and even I could make it, so simple was it. Think like Yoda, I sometimes do. All I’d have to do was make some oatmeal and add yogurt and fruit, mix, and serve.
Criminally simple, incredibly delicious. Lost in my own thoughts and back-up dishes for breakfast, I toweled off and headed to the kitchen, not bothering to don my saddlebags. Instead, I carried them by the connecting strap before tossing them on the bed. I walked into the kitchen, and my jaw hit the floor and bounced, hanging open so far you could have landed a squadron of pegasi on it. Joy was already in the kitchen, and was in the process of reaffirming my notion of her as a culinary ninja. It was magical, in ways besides the obvious.
Around Joy, there were nearly a dozen things soaring through the air in organized chaos, while a knife was moving at an incredible speed, reducing a tomato to finely minced cubes in a blur of steel. Though she seemed to be unfazed by the wizardry around her and the strain of doing so many things at once, her horn was a testament to the amount of magic flowing through her. She had always seemed a bit like an angel to me, what with her amazingly blue eyes and Saint’s temperament, but now… there is no word to describe it other than angelic.
Her horn was casting a soothing sapphire glow, projecting rippling aurora-like patterns on the walls. The glow of her horn formed a cerulean corona around her head, framing it within a halo.
For a moment, angels were real; and I beheld one.
I was acutely saddened when the luminosity faded as the various components of breakfast were consolidated into their final product. Joy’s horn finally went entirely dark, and she turned away from the counter to walk into the living room.
Apparently, she hadn’t heard me walk up. I was able to figure this out, all by myself. Granted, the way she gasped in fright, the way her eyes grew as big as dinner plates while her pupils shrunk to pinpricks, and the way she froze in place like an adorable blue statue were all pretty good hints. Thankfully, she had a moment to collect her wits (likely afforded by being quite literally frozen stiff) before she tried to send me flying with a blast of magic.
Exhaling forcefully, she clasped a hoof to her chest and panted for a second, speaking a broken sentence around the rapid respirations.
“Oh my Luna, Dave… you scared the horsefeathers out of me.”
I grinned. “I thought I was the horse with feathers?”
She scowled playfully at me. “What? It’s an expression, smart aleck.”
“Ah, okay. Roger, tracking.”
Joy’s head snapped around with a singularly frightening quickness, as she narrowed her eyes at me in an extremely disconcerting manner.
“You.”
“Me…?”
She was positively glowering at me at this point. “You never explained that to me yesterday, even though you said you would. Twice.”
I held up my hooves in what I hoped was an apologetic manner. “Ah… okay. My bad…“
Joy’s predatory glare softened somewhat, apparently satisfied that my answer was forthcoming. You’d better believe it was, that glare she gave me was more terrifying than I’d ever seen her before. Yeah, she definitely got that from her mother…
“Well, let me preface this by first stating that these are sayings from a different culture, and it might not make total sense to somepony who didn’t grow up with it. Just saying…“
All traces of the previous glare had vanished from Joy’s face, replaced instead by a mask of undivided attention. While I found the way that she seemed to stare into my very soul a bit creepy, it was better than the last expression, so I just kept right on going.
“Anyways, it’s a bit anti-climactic. Roger is just a way to say ‘I understand what you said, and I will comply with any instructions therein’, and tracking is just a way to say ‘I am following what you are saying, and I grasp the concept or concepts you have put forth’. It's much easier to say 'Roger, tracking' than to explain everything. Another thing I might say sometimes in response to being tasked with something or being summoned is 'moving'. Well, that one is a bit easier to explain. It just means 'I've heard you and am on my way'. Make sense now?"
Vigorous nodding. I was developing an ache in my frontal lobe just from watching. I leaned in for a kiss, and that stilled the rapidly oscillating noggin.
Joy stood there for a moment longer, apparently in a daze. I’m not sure if she was dizzy from the noggin-wagging, or if I was just that good of a kisser, but she was definitely out of it.
“So… breakfast?”
Blinking her way back to reality, she looked at me in confusion for a second before the hamster hopped on the wheel and everything registered.
“Break- Oh, breakfast. I made omelettes.”
Even if I hadn’t been looking at her, I would have been able to picture Joy’s expression perfectly; you could hear the smile in her voice.
Joy and I say down to eat, and it wasn’t until I was halfway through with my meal that I realized I had forgotten something. We were supposed to be exercising right then.
“Dammit.”
Joy looked up, concerned. “What’s wrong? Don’t like it?”
“Huh? No, that’s not it at all; I’m enjoying this more than I should. I just remembered that we were supposed to work out this morning, is all.”
I was silently wondering if Joy was going to facehoof, but I got one even better.
Joy rolled her eyes in disgust at having forgotten something she wanted to do so badly.
And then she facetabled. I cannot explain how or why, but this was so much more epic than a facedesk, though this probably had something to do with the dish-rattling thump.
I had a very distinct vision of her horn becoming stuck in the table like a nail, but my vivid imagination sadly failed to match up to reality. Damn… that would have been entirely too funny… I might have died from laughing.
“Dave? You can be pony-who-remembers-things again. I’m worse at this than you are.”
I couldn’t help but grin at her admission of defeat. “Well, if you say so. Just be warned; this is a terrible idea. There will be an ‘I told you so’ coming in the near future, I can feel it.”
“Well, I am obviously no good at it either, and at least this way I can just blame everything on you.”
That sounds about right.
“Can we share it? Can I be pony-who-remembers-things-in-chief, with you as my pony-who-remembers-things-executive-officer?”
Joy muttered distractedly, “That’s a mouthful…“
Without thinking, I quipped the standard comeback. “That’s what she said.”
“What who said? And what does it me-“
Cognition was written across Joy’s face as she put the pieces together. She went from mildly amused to shocked in a flash, and deeply hurt the next. I was in the process of facehoofing at the predicament of having to explain yet another joke when I caught sight of her shape-shifting facial features. I had to explain this, and fast, before Joy was too far gone on her jump to conclusions.
“Hold up, Joy. Before you get offended, let me offer another explanation of things I say that don’t make a lot of sense. Which, now that I think about it, are most things. Anyways, this is a saying I grew up with, and it turns a seemingly innocuous phrase into something decidedly less so by putting it in the context of a phrase uttered by a non-specific ‘she’, warping it into innuendo-form. There is no real ‘she’; that’s just a portion of the joke, and could just as easily be a ‘he’ in certain instances. And indeed, in some instances it is. But, yeah… you get the point. It’s a joke, love.”
Joy’s expression wavered for a moment between hope and despair before finally settling on the former. Internally, I sighed with relief. Man, that would have been a stupid thing to kill a relationship over, but just stupid enough to happen to me. Instead, Joy rounded the table and closed the distance between us, ensnaring me in a rib-shattering hug.
Yeah, I was going to be feeling that all day… My thoughts were interrupted by some form of babbling apology from Joy, something about self esteem and worry, and I pretty much pieced together that she had a lower-than-average level of self esteem, and she was worried that I’d been with somepony else, and so on and so forth. I silenced her with a kiss.
"Joy. Listen to me for a second. You are beautiful. I don’t care at all what your opinion on the matter is; I know this to be true. Above and beyond that, we're dating now, so there is no room for any other mare. You've got nothing to worry about, my dear."
My insides were squirming with the memory of Berry's solicitations, though I managed not to show it. Joy once more embraced me, and this time it was more of a comfortable, pleasant contact than a bone crushing constriction of the chest, for which I was thankful. Sitting here in this embrace, all my cares floated away. I had no cares or concerns, no sorrows or strife. In this moment, all was right in the world, and I knew peace. All too soon, the embrace loosened and broke. Joy looked at me with a twinkle in her eye (no joke… it was legitimately twinkling) and a smile on her face. In a voice practically brimming with tenderness and affection, she informed me that we'd have to leave soon to get to work on time.
The walk to work seemed to pass in an instant, and before I knew it, Joy and I had to go our separate ways. I was a bit disappointed at this, though I knew it would happen. Somehow, I knew I'd find myself in the East Wing pretty frequently for the next few days. In case it wasn’t obvious, Joy worked mostly in the East Wing. I walked through the door to the office just as Sweeps was walking out. Instead of waiting for me to get out of the doorway like a civil pony, he shouldered his way past me, shoulder checking me into the door frame really fucking hard. Luckily, I was a sturdy pony with a strong constitution, so it didn't bother me so much. Besides, I was a half-head taller than him, and outweighed him by a good ten kilos. Ten kilos of muscle, might I add, so his gesture was somewhat negated by my inertia. I approached Brass to see what was on the agenda for the day.
Sure, everything is posted on the board (the task board in the office, not the shift board in the main corridor), but I preferred face-to-face interaction whenever possible. As I approached Brass, she was regarding me with a mildly concerned look.
"So, Dave… care to tell me what that was about?"
"Huh? Oh, that. Sweeps was just a bit eager to get to work, I suppose. Too eager, in fact, to wait for me to get through the door. It's alright, these things happen."
"Does he do this sort of thing often?"
Brass' concerned look had taken on a hard edge, and I could feel the winds changing as the shitstorm brewed. I tried to diffuse the situation as best I could… this was the last thing I needed right now.
"Aside from sometimes threatening to dock my pay, no… not really. He's a bit prickly, but not too badly."
"You do realize that he doesn't have the authority to dock your pay, right? I'm the only one who does, and there'd have to be a darn good reason to take food off the table of a member of the team. Tell me, what has he 'threatened' you over?"
"Mostly failing to address the Doctors and Nurses as such, failing to yield the right-of-way to aforementioned ponies, and warning me not to go into the Nurse's lounge."
"That slimy little… where was he telling you to eat your food? In the boiler room?"
"If that's the cramped closet along the back hall, on the first floor… then yeah, actually."
"Ugh. Dave, I want you to know that everything you've told me that he's done violates not only our team policy, but also the standard of conduct for general civilized society. Of course, I'll have to follow up on this with him, but I've suspected this since you got here. If what you say is true, I'll have him fired so quickly it'll make his head spin."
"Brass… I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. It's good to know there is somepony out there who is looking out for me. It's just that… I can't help but feel like there is some deeper cause of this… I don’t want to believe that he is really that much of an ass naturally. I just… I feel like it would be a terrible mistake to fire him for this. Could I try to talk to him and see if I can smooth things over? If that doesn’t work, or makes things worse, do what you deem necessary… but give me a chance to try and settle this, stallion-to-stallion. Please?"
For a moment, she just stared at me, though not like I was an idiot (that would come later, I'm sure). It was more like she was seeing me for the first time, in a new light. Eventually, she spoke up in a subdued tone.
"Dave, you continue to surprise me. Anypony else would have either quit by now, or soiled themselves in excitement at the prospect of getting him fired. Instead, you come to his defense, you argue on his behalf. Honestly, I can't see why. Enlighten me?"
"'In all things, I will love and tolerate'. Perhaps it's a bit naïve of me, and maybe I'm just an over-eager pony with stars in his eyes… but I was pretty moved the first time I read the Equestrian Creed. To me, it's more than a silly mantra, written by stuffy ponies looking down on us from on high. It's a set of values to live by, something I should try to embody every day. Don't misunderstand my intentions; I'd love to see his sorry flank walking out the door with his tail between his cheeks. Even so, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Who knows how many times he has been denied that? How many times has he been given the short end of the stick, been denied a second chance? Ponies can be cruel, and I can tell he has experienced this in the past. I must do better. Plus, I'm not one to let somepony else fight my battles for me; it's me he has a problem with, so I'll be the one to talk to him about it."
In the wake of my much-longer-than-expected response, Brass stood for a moment, clearly lost deep in thought. Several moments passed before she finally spoke again.
"Well Dave… I've got to admit, you are a better pony than I. I cannot imagine just letting all of this just go on like nothing happened if I was in your hooves. But if this is what you want, then I'll let you handle it, if only out of respect for your temperance. I'll let you handle this… how'd you put it? 'Stallion-to-stallion'? More like stallion-to-colt, but I digress. If this is what you want, I'll abide. Let me know how it goes one way or the other, alright?"
"Yes, ma'am. Anything else?"
"No, not just yet. Handle this sooner rather than later, so we can adjust the workload if necessary. Alright?"
"Yes, ma'am." As I answered her, I turned to walk out the door with the intention of tracking down Sweeps. A caveat from Brass stopped me in my tracks.
"One last thing… "
I turned back to face her again. "Yes?"
"Stop calling me 'ma'am'… it makes me feel old. Just call me Brass, okay?"
"Yes, ma-… Yes, Brass."
She narrowed her eyes at me before she answered.
"Loosen up, Dave. I might be your boss, but I'm a pony too, and a nice one at that."
I shot her a well-natured grin. "Heh. Okay, Brass, can-do. Any last words before I head out?"
She shook her head. "Nope. Good luck."
"Thanks. Hopefully I won't need it."
With that, I departed and sought out Sweeps. In the limited time I'd known him, I'd noticed that he tended to keep to the East Wing, so that was where I sought him. It didn't take very long to find him in one of the empty screening rooms, and I cautiously approached him as he was fiddling with a faucet. Walking up, I intentionally took plodding steps, to ensure my approach was heard and hopefully preclude a startled pony from swinging a wrench at me.
"Hey, Sweeps? Got a minute?"
He sighed in a most annoyed manner and dropped the wrench into the sink with a thud. Slowly, deliberately, he turned to face me. Behind me, I heard the door slowly swing closed and lock with a soft click. Well… this is the second time in as many days that a locked door has given rise to a sense of unease.
"Well, well, well… what can I do for you, Dave?"
Every syllable he uttered was positively dripping with venom. I had never known anybody, pony or human, that harbored such unabashed malice towards me. This was about to get ugly, and there was no mistaking it.
"Sweeps, I came here to talk to you about the way you are treating me. Nothing more, nothing less."
"Oh, I'm sorry; did I hurt the feelings of the chosen one? That's not all I'm going to hurt!"
As he uttered this last word, his voice dropped to a snarl and he charged at me. I was caught off guard by the sudden aggression, but my reflexes were quick enough to let me dodge his charge. I feinted right and rolled left. As I did so, a wrench whizzed through the air with terrifying speed, intersecting the space my head would have occupied if I hadn't feinted and gone left. The speed that the wrench was going would have caused severe injury, or worse. This plan suddenly went from a simple chat to clear the air to something far more sinister. I was now fighting for my pitiful life.
The world slowed to a crawl as my veins flooded with adrenaline, every detail becoming incredibly vivid in my mind. I rolled out of the dodge onto my hooves, spinning to face Sweeps. As soon as I turned to look at him, I caught sight of the wrench coming around in a wide arc, aimed at my head. On a subconscious level, everything clicked into place, and synapses fired of their own accord. By the time I had consciously registered the wrench as a threat, my wing had already snapped out from my side and deflected the wrench with a glancing blow. That… that was fucking cool.
In this adrenaline-fueled state, I felt… everything. My body was a finely tuned machine, a weapon awaiting the call to arms. I felt every feather on my wings. I could sense the slightest change in the air pressure or current, and because of this, I knew exactly where the wrench was even when I couldn't see it. Keeping my feathers tucked in, I extended my wings to my sides like a pair of arms. I narrowed my gaze at Sweeps, and gave him one last chance to reconsider, hoping he wouldn’t.
"Sweeps… don't do this."
Instead of using his words, he responded instead with a barrage of flying objects and tools, everything from wrenches and screwdrivers to papers and tongue depressors. Of their own accord, my wings swirled about and deflected most of the objects before they could hit their mark. A hammer slipped past though, and hit me square in the ribs on my right side. I felt the impact and felt the shockwave pass through my bones, but I felt no pain. Oh, I'd feel it later, that was for damned sure, but I could worry about that later. Distracted as I was by fending off the volley of missiles aimed at me, I was blindsided by Sweeps as he came from my blind spot on my right, driving his body into the same spot that he'd struck with the hammer. I noticed his presence far too late to dodge, so I rolled with it instead. I had just enough time to bend my knees and push off in the direction Sweeps was going, reducing the impact significantly. I rolled back to my hooves as I skid across the floor, stopping just before I hit the wall on the other side.
Okay, this ends now. I implemented the training I had received in basic.
Step one: close the distance. I locked eyes with Sweeps as an evil grin spread on my lips, and I took immense pleasure in seeing his own smile falter when met by mine. I flared my wings to their fullest extent in an instant, creating twin whirlwinds in their wake. With a single, powerful flap and a slight hop, I rocketed across the room at a seemingly impossible speed, colliding with enough force to knock him onto his back two hooves. Rising onto my own rear hooves and locking my right rear hoof behind his, I shoved him backwards. He tried to take a step back to stay on his hooves, but with my hoof behind his, this was impossible.
Step Two: gain dominant position. He went down on his back, and I used my own body weight to drive him into the ground. I sat on his chest, my knees in the crook where his forelegs met his torso. I leaned forward, placing the section of my foreleg between my wrist and my elbow directly across his windpipe, bearing down on it with a good portion of my weight. I pushed upwards on his jaw to tilt his head back and expose the soft spot where the throat meets the jaw. I raised my wing over my right shoulder, feathers retracted, and the lump of bone in the joint hovering menacingly over his head and looking very much like a fist. I had no doubt that it would work just as well, if not better than, a fist. Stunned as he was by my sudden offensive and his concussive impact with the floor, he offered no further resistance, not that it would have been effective anyways. With my full weight centered on his upper torso and his windpipe specifically, there was nothing he could do. Despite a sick satisfaction deep within me at avenging the death of my hoagie earlier this week, I wanted nothing more than to end this whole stupid event.
Step Three: Finish the fight.
"Sweeps, do us both a favor and don't do anything stupid or make any sudden movements. I see that horn of yours so much as think about glowing, I'll break it off. Do you understand me? Blink twice for yes."
Baring his teeth like a rabid beast and giving me a look promising the death of everything I held dear, he tried to struggle. I shifted a little more weight onto his windpipe, and all struggle ceased as he focused solely on trying to pry my foreleg from his throat.
"Let’s try that again. Do you understand? Blink twice for yes."
Still staring daggers, but with eyes widening with terror and growing more and more bloodshot by the second, he blinked twice.
"Good. If I ease up, are you going to do something stupid? I wouldn't, 'cause if you do, I'll go right back to this. Blink twice if you like this, four times if you want to breathe again."
Four rapid blinks indicated his response. I eased up the pressure enough to allow him to draw a raspy breath, but not enough to let him do it comfortably.
"Better? Good. Now, since you didn't want to handle this as a civilized pony like I wanted to, we are going to do this your way. In case you are wondering, THIS is your way. You did this to yourself. You do realize that, right? Two for yes, four for no."
Four blinks.
"How is that not your fault? By attacking me, you've forced my hand. I wanted to come here and talk to you and help you keep your job, not have to fight for my life against a fucking moody unicorn. So, kindly explain how this is anything but your fault."
Still rasping from the weight on his windpipe, Sweeps spat out his rebuttal.
"You… you did this. You… took everything… from me. Took… her… from me."
"What are you talking about, Sweeps? I've done nothing to you; I've been nothing but friendly to you since I arrived. I only just met you three days ago, so tell me; how have I wronged you so? Who did I take from you?"
Even as I voiced the question, things clicked into place. Ah, fuck me running.
"Joy. You took… Joy from me."
And there it is. I figure I would have heard about this from her by now. We were going to have a talk when I saw her next.
"I did not. All I did was ask her to show me around town, nothing more. I can't help that we just kinda… clicked. Even though I've only known Joy for a little over a week, she doesn't seem like the kind of mare who would've agreed to take me around anywhere if she had a coltfriend. So there goes that. Now, what do you have to say to that?"
"I… I was trying to… ask her out… the day you showed up. She… she was going to say yes… then she suddenly had plans… with you."
And… bam. Guilt trips should come with frequent flyer miles…
"Sweeps, I'm sorry. Really and truly, I'm sorry. It was never my intent to cause any problems here, especially not to come between two ponies. I can see now why you're upset, but that's no reason to take it out on me. I know that you don't really believe that it's entirely my fault, that I am solely to blame. I'm going to let you up now, but please… don’t make things more complicated than they already are. Deal?"
The fight had slowly bled out of Sweeps as he lay on the ground, and defeat dominated his demeanor. He feebly nodded in agreement. I removed myself from on top of him and stood to the side, coiled like a spring and waiting for him to try something. All he did was bring a hoof to his throat and rub the sore spot, breathing deeply to catch his breath. A moment passed this way before he finally rose to a sitting position. I took a leap of faith of sorts and walked over to him, to help him to his hooves. I extended a hoof towards him, which he eyed warily.
"Need a hoof, brother?"
He looked at me in confusion for a second before his trademark scowl returned, though the passion that had once been there had faded to naught.
"You aren't my brother."
"'I will treat everypony as family, regardless of relation'. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? I might not be from Equestria originally, but I'm here now, and that makes us brothers-in-arms, so to speak."
Though he still regarded my outstretched hoof suspiciously, he reached out for it and allowed himself to be pulled to his hooves. He muttered some form of gratitude under his breath, and I do believe that this was the first thing he had ever said to me out of anything other than spite or self interest. As he stood up, he surveyed the room and the debris that was strewn across the floor. A mess, sure, but at least nothing had been broken. He looked at me before he spoke up.
"I'm going to clean this place up before somepony notices, and I'm going to use my magic to do it. Please refrain from trying to break my horn off."
"Alright, just don’t pull any funny business and we'll be square."
Sweeps nodded, and in a few seconds the entire room was cleaned to pristine condition in a whirlwind of paper and magic. Horn envy? You betcha. Sweeps pulled out a pair of stools from under a desk and arranged them about a meter and a half apart. I was initially surprised that they hadn't been chucked at me earlier, but I counted it as a blessing and took the seat offered to me. We sat down together facing the same wall. It made sense in a way… facing this way, neither mandated eye contact, nor precluded it. A good neutral position. Sweeps started first.
"I… I've been an ass. I know that it’s not your fault Dave, but you were the most convenient pony to blame for this. It's not right, it's not fair, but it was easier to hate you than to try and accept the fact that I just wasn't good enough for Joy."
"Sweeps, I've got a couple things I'd like to say. First, I can't argue with your point… you were an ass. It's not mean, it's the truth and we both know it. Second, it's always easier to place the blame somewhere else than to accept your own flaws, but it is by accepting those flaws that one grows as a pony. You've already started to do that by admitting you were wrong. And the last thing… it's not that you weren't good enough for Joy, and quit telling yourself that. Simply put, you just weren't right for each other. Nopony is at fault for that, it's just the way things are sometimes."
"Ha. Easy for you to say… you got the mare, I got shafted."
"Brother, I did not 'get the mare', we just happened to have complementary personalities. It was never a contest, Joy is not a 'prize', and nopony won or lost. It wasn't meant to be, and that can only mean that 'the one' for you is still out there waiting for you to find her. Don't dwell on the past, brother. Learn from it and shape the future."
"Dave, you have a lot of catchy sayings. Personally, I think about half of them are cow patties, but some of them are legitimately useful or applicable. I see what you're saying, and I already know what it is that I need to do, but that doesn't make it any easier to do. I really like Joy, and I feel a very certain way whenever I see her… this isn't something that will just go away, it's going to take some time. And I can't help it that whenever I see her with you, I feel a certain animosity towards you. Again, not my fault, not something I can control. The reason I was such an ass the past few days is because I was trying to drive you back to night shift, or make you quit… anything to get you away from me. If you weren't around, I wouldn't have a constant reminder of my failure hanging around me."
"Yeah… terrible idea, that one. I don't give up in the face of adversity; I push harder because of it."
"I've noticed."
"Yeah… I understand your pain, brother. I've been there before; I have walked in those horseshoes. I know you can't be my friend right now, and perhaps not ever. At the very least though, we can be civil towards each other. Anything else will come in time, right?"
"I suppose so. You're right about the 'friends' thing though… I can be civil, but I don't see us hanging out on the weekends and drinking cider."
"Heh. Yeah, I suppose that would be a bit much to expect. We can agree to be civil to each other at the very least, right?"
"Yeah, I guess so. Civility?"
At this, he extended a hoof as a gesture of peace. I shook it with a smile.
"Civility, indeed."
Sweeps' eyes suddenly widened as if he had just heard some terrible news.
"Dave… earlier you mentioned something… something about my job?"
"Yeah. I came down here to talk to you so you could keep your job."
His eyes widened a bit in trepidation. "Keep my job? I… I don't understand. What happened to my job?"
"Well, Brass saw you when you checked me in the doorway, and she started asking questions. I glazed over most of the details, but she was still pretty livid."
Sweeps blanched at this as his eyes narrowed to pinpricks. As I spoke, he began to tremble, and when he replied, his voice was wavering.
"W-what did she say? Am… am I fired? Oh Celestia, please, no… "
"I'll be straightforward with you. She wanted to fire you on the spot. She wanted to fire you HARD. I talked her out of it for the most part. I wanted to give you a chance to explain yourself; I didn't want to just assume you were a terrible pony by nature. I believe in second chances. She was still reluctant, but she was impressed enough by my desire to forgive that she agreed to let me talk to you, and based on that she would decide your employment status."
"… and I… I attacked you. After all I did to you, you defended me… gave me another chance. And I… I… "
Sweeps' reply faded away as he buried his face in his hooves and wept silently. There is a time for action, and a time for inaction. This was most assuredly the latter of the two. After a moment, he regained control, and spoke up with a shaky voice, speaking out loud the rambling thoughts that crossed his mind.
"You… I can't believe you would do anything for me after the way I treated you. And yet… you had the opportunity to get me out of your hair, to send me off into the sunset… but you didn't. You stood up for me in spite of that. You came to talk to me, to give me the time of day to explain myself… to tell my side, instead of just assuming the worst. And I… I attacked you. Even after all of that, you held back. I saw it in your eyes when you charged… you were holding back. You could have thrashed me without trying, but you didn't. I threw everything I had at you, and you shrugged it off. I hit you with a hammer for Cadenza's sake, and I hit you bloody hard at that, and you shrugged it off. You never tried to land a blow, not that you even needed to. I… you… I'm speechless."
"Not by a long shot, apparently. Regardless, yeah… for the most part, everything you said is true, except for the thrashing part. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm nonviolent as much as possible."
"Good thing, too. I shudder to think what might have happened to me otherwise, as much as I deserve it."
"Sweeps, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but… come off it, brother. You made a mistake, and you acted irrationally under the influence of your emotions. Everypony has done this a time or two in their life, it's nothing new. I've already found out everything I needed to know, and I'm glad I was right about you. This little incident is going to stay between the two of us; I won't be telling Brass about it, and I'll ask her to keep you employed here. In the meantime, stop dwelling on the past and painting yourself in such a negative light. Let's put this behind us and move on, alright?"
Sweeps looked a bit shocked for a second, and maybe even a bit hurt, but I didn't have all day to stand here and listen to this pony beat himself up over things that were over and done with. He grumbled something to the effect of an affirmation, and that was good enough for me. I waved goodbye and set out for the office to debrief Brass on what I'd learned. As I stood up though, I felt the pain in my side slowly spreading as the effects of the adrenaline faded away. Okay… first, I'd go see Joy to get patched up, and then I'd go see Brass. Well… provided I could stay on my hooves long enough to do either, that is. Each step sent the pain spreading a little bit farther through my body, slowly intensifying. What had started off as a deep, dull ache was becoming more and more acute.
I opened the door and was incredibly relieved at what I saw… an empty hallway. I had a nagging fear that somepony had heard the commotion and would start asking questions, but I was pleased to find that this was not the case. I set off in the direction of the Nurse's supply closet, seeing as how Joy was more than likely to drop by there on a semi-frequent basis. Seemed that today was my lucky day though, and I ran into Joy before I even got to the supply room.
"Hey, Nurse Joy?"
Startled, she jumped slightly, before turning around and sprouting an enormous grin. My attempts to return the gesture ran afoul as a spike of pain warped this grin to a grimace. Immediately, Joy was by my side.
"Dave, what happened?"
"I had a bit of a mishap, I'll explain exactly what it was later. In the immediate future though, I'll need a quick once-over."
Joy looked at me with a sly grin and a raised eyebrow, but I met her efforts with a flat look. She sighed before motioning for me to follow her. Poking her head into one of the exam rooms, she had a quick conversation with another nurse, asking her to continue whatever it was Joy had been doing before I'd accosted her. The other nurse stepped out of the room and swiftly vanished down the corridor as Joy and I entered the recently vacated space and closed the door. She instructed me to remove my janitorial jumpsuit, and I tried and failed miserably. She ended up using her magic to do it for me, and as soon as she got the fabric far enough down to reveal the source of my discomfort, she gasped.
"Dave! What did you do to yourself?! This… this is terrible! How did this happen?!"
"Joy, it's a bit of a long story, and I-"
"NO. None of these reindeer games, Dave. 'Tis not the season. I'll patch you up, but while I'm doing that, you WILL explain to me what in Tartarus you did to yourself. No excuses, mister."
"Alright, you win, dear. Before I do though, you have to promise me something."
"Oh? And what would that be? Promise not to beat you silly for doing whatever it was you did to incur such an injury?"
"No, but that's a good idea too. I need you to promise me that what I tell you stays between you and I. Tell nopony else, period. Also, visit no harm upon those responsible, should it be that there was anypony but me involved. Promise?"
"Dave, you are really worrying me right now… what have you gotten yourself into?"
"Promise, and I'll tell you. Please, I need you to trust me."
"I… but… ugh. Fine… I trust you. I promise not to tell and or hurt anypony based on what you are about to tell me."
"Alright, here it goes. Wait, one more thing."
Joy groaned loudly, facehoofing. I continued.
"I've already handled this situation, and my mind is made up. Please, accept my decision when I come to it."
"I'm even more confused now, if that's even possible… "
As Joy patched me up and treated me for blunt force trauma, I went back and recounted the story as best I could without going into too much detail. I almost had to physically restrain her when I told her what Sweeps had done, and it was only my constantly reminding her about her promise that kept me from having to. By the time I had finished my tale and been patched up, Joy was still very much upset.
According to her, Sweeps had been pursuing her for months, and she was slowly warming up to him, as he was the only colt to show an interest in her in a long time.
"I felt kinda bad about it though, it seemed to me like I was settling for somepony that might not be quite right for me."
I had to admit, I shared this sentiment. Even I could see that they had little to nothing in common.
"The week before you showed up, he was becoming more insistent on a date, and I was starting to seriously consider taking him up on it. As much as I wanted to do it just to see what it would be like, I didn't want to get his hopes up, didn't want to feel obligated to stay with him… and that's the reason I kept turning him down… I was afraid of spending the rest of my life with him."
Ouch. That stung all the way over here. But at the same time, it just served to reinforce this growing notion that I was meant to be here, that this was all part of some greater design. Had I not come to Equestria when I did, how different would things be? A pegasus would be dead, there would be no place for the foals to frolic at school, and Joy might have fallen into a life of slow emotional death by settling for a colt with whom she had little in common and almost no compatibility with. The way things were stacking up, it was a damned good thing I showed up when I did.
"Guess I came along just in time, huh… "
Joy's expression was one that was difficult to place… gratitude? Relief? Some combination of the two, at any rate.
"You have no idea."
"Hey, I have a question. So, we get paid tomorrow… "
"That was a statement, not a question."
I cast a sardonic glance in her direction. "Alright, funny lady. Let me finish next time."
"And that was a request, and also what he said."
I did a double take. "Yeah, I kn-what who said?"
She smirked at me, the image of smug. "It's okay, I'll wait."
"Wait for what? Who is this h-… dammit. Alright, you got me with that one. Congratulations."
"And that my dear, was me; winning."
Sheen? I had to shake my head to chase away the image. Winning, duh.
I shook my confusion away, focusing back on the matter at hoof. "Anyways, here's my question. How do we… you know, get paid? With a check, a satchel of bits, or some other contrivance? Where do we go to get said contrivance, and when do we do so?"
"That wasn't 'a' question, that was three of them. However, being the benevolent and generous mare that everypony has grown to adore, I'll answer all of them for you."
Is egotism a communicable disease? If so, Joy is so doomed… it's already setting in.
I grinned at her, feeling mighty clever. "You know Joy… if your head inflates any more, you won't be able fit in the door. I'm immune since mine is so hard, but you should be careful."
"So, you don't want me to answer your questions?"
Dammit, she had me beat and we both knew it. "Alright, you win again. What's the word?"
"There is a wagon that shows up in the morning at zero nine, and they keep the bits in there. Go to your boss to get your stub, turn it in to them, and collect your pay. Are you 'tracking' all that?"
"Roger."
We shared a laugh at this little inside joke of ours, and some of Joy's unease faded away. It was nearly lunch time, and I hadn't done a single one of my duties for the day. As I dismissed myself, I gave Joy a kiss to raise her spirits further, slipping her a last bit of advice before I headed back to Brass.
"Joy, do me a favor. If you find yourself getting a little riled up over what I told you, just remember: we have a date tomorrow night."
My words struck home and immediately brought out that beautiful smile I was so fond of. I returned a smile of my own and set off to talk to Brass. As soon as I walked in, she turned towards me with an expectant look.
"Well? Is Sweeps fired, or is he fired?"
"Actually, Brass… I'd like for him to keep his job, if that's alright with you."
"Excellent, I'll tell him to pack his -wait a minute. One more time?"
I took a deep breath, something that was significantly more painful than it was an hour ago. "Brass, I would like for Sweeps to keep his job, if it's alright with you."
"Why? After what he did? What influenced your decision?” Her face was nothing short of incredulous.
"Well… I talked to him. I know what he was going through, and I helped him sort it out a little bit. I don't foresee him being anything less than civil to anypony after this. He was just going through some personal issues… if possible, I'd like not to discuss it too much, since it's his business and not my own to share."
"Well… I'm not a hundred percent on this, but if you say it won't be a problem anymore, I trust your judgment. Was that all that went on? You two just talked it out?"
I shrugged, skirting the question. "Eh. More or less."
"Well, I guess that settles that. It's eleven thirty; take lunch, be back at thirteen."
"Alright. See you then, Boss."
"It's Brass, Dave."
"That's what I said, isn't it?" I called back to her with a smile as I walked out the door.
The rest of the day went by in a blur, as I scrambled to complete my duties before the shift ended. For the second day in a row, I only just completed my duties before the shift ended. I joined Joy at our designated rally point in front of the clinic, and we began the trek home, side by side. Turns out, the advice I had given Joy about remembering our date on Friday was… well, it was a little too effective.
For the rest of the day, she had been randomly staring off into the distance and giggling merrily, and this had spawned a rumor that she was recalling a "steamy encounter" that we had engaged in. I was wondering why I was being watched more than usual… great. Now I was going to have even more mares chasing me. Just what I needed. That night, Joy joined me on the couch after she had finished the dishes. With her magnificent multitasking cheating unicorn magic, she got done in no time flat, whereas I had given up after an hour.
Once she retired to the couch that had become our shared bed at some point, I began what would become our nightly ritual: I began to brush her mane. I would lay down on my back, propped up by the arm rest, and she would rest her head on my chest as I brushed her mane. From where her head rested on my chest, it was just a matter of bending my neck a little to give her a quick peck on the lips. Every time she would start to drift off to sleep, I'd give her a quick peck on the lips to wake her up. She'd scrunch her face up in a mock-angry grimace at not being allowed to sleep, but her smile was ever-present.
This ritual of ours, as it would grow to become, was the best stress reliever anypony could ever hope for. That night, the two of us fell asleep in the other's embrace, lulled by the soft sound of a brush through a mane.
We awoke with the rising sun in the same position in which we had drifted off to sleep. Joy was the first to wake, and I followed shortly afterward, awakened as I was by an enormous yawn for one so petite. We tightened our embrace into a constricting hug, punctuated by a long, slow kiss. Yeah, this was the second best thing to wake up to. Our morning cuddle was interrupted by nature, striking the both of us at the same time. As we struggle to our hooves and fought off the stiffness that had settled in over the night, I mentioned that we ought to go ahead and shower since we were already awake and moving about. Joy agreed, and set off to the upstairs bathroom.
Little did she know, this was all part of my plan. What plan, you ask? Why, the plan to get Joy to go upstairs so I didn't have to wait on her to wash-lather-rinse-and repeat her hooves before I could go pee. I know, I'm a genius. My plan worked perfectly, and before you knew it, sweet release was mine. This also saved me the trouble of washing my hooves, as I hopped directly into the shower afterward. Emerging from my ablution, I headed to the kitchen. Once more, I beheld Joy and her culinary prowess in the midst of their glory. I couldn’t help but wonder how her Cutie Mark wasn't a chef's hat… I am going to attribute it to feminine wiles and leave it at that. Once we finished breakfast, we killed time with a walk through the verdant hills surrounding the town, grabbing a few snacks as we passed through the town; some to eat on the walk, and some for lunch.
To be entirely honest, the whole of the morning and early afternoon just sort of blended together in a vibrant swirl of happiness, splendid vistas, and oddball conversation. Our pre-date date was curtailed slightly to allow me time to complete the final preparations for the main event. Once Joy and I parted company in the town square and I had popped by the clinic to collect my pay, I headed off to my first destination: Carousel Boutique.
Carousel Boutique, 1400 Friday, 23 March
"Ah, good to see you again, darling. What can Rarity do for you?"
"Well, m'lady, I've come in search of some casual, yet dapper finery for an engagement this evening. Not too fancy, mind you… otherwise, I might look a bit overdressed for the occasion."
"Oh, yes. We wouldn’t want that now, that's nearly as tacky as being underdressed for an event. On that subject, my dear; I have finished your accoutrement for the gala in your honor. Though, I must admit… I might have become a bit, shall we say, overzealous."
Horrific images of tassels, bows, and sequins flashed before my eyes.
"Miss Rarity, might I ask… just what does 'overzealous' entail?"
"Well, I know I agreed to provide you with a presentable set of attire for the function this weekend, and on that, I have delivered with my usual perfection. I did, however, finish ahead of schedule on that order. I must say, I've never had the opportunity to design for a pegasus of your… dimensions before."
At the word "dimensions", I couldn't help but notice her gaze wander across my wings, among other places…
"Since I'd likely not have an opportunity like this again in the near future, I felt that I would be remiss not to take advantage of the situation and try out a few designs of mine. I hope you don't mind, but I was wondering if you would be willing to model a few of them for me?"
"After all you are doing for me, how could I possibly refuse? Of course I will; it would be my honor and a pleasure to model your designs, Miss Rarity."
"No, no, my dear. The pleasure will be all mine, I assure you."
Her tone did not proffer confidence. This was going to be… interesting.
In a few moments we had moved out of the main reception area of the boutique into a more secluded chamber in the rear of the building. In a small alcove, there was a small pentagonal stage, surrounded on four sides by floor to ceiling mirrors. Around the exterior of the sizable room from which the alcove budded, a number of garment racks were strewn in a haphazard manner. The chamber was dimly lit over all, with the exception of the stage. The walls of the room were cloaked with burgundy and crimson swaths of cloth from the ceiling, lending the entire room a feeling of warmth and coziness.
"Here we are, darling; this is where the magic happens."
As she said this, Rarity was already floating over one of her designs, what appeared to be a three piece suit and top hat. Oh, Joy was going to love this. I was once more confronted by the limitations of having hooves that lacked digital appendages. I looked to Rarity for assistance.
"Lady Rarity… could I persuade you to assist me?"
She flashed a coy smile at me.
"Only if you ask me nicely."
"Lady Rarity, would you please assist me in adorning this apparel?"
She positively beamed at this, batting her eyes in a most provocative manner. "Most certainly, darling. Stand still; this won't take but a moment."
"But, of course, madam."
She wasn't kidding. There was a flash of color and a rustle of cloth, and next thing I know she's ushering me towards the stage. I stood in the glare of the lights for a second before my eyes adjusted to the illumination, but once they did, what I saw took my breath away.
The suit fit me like a glove, without a wrinkle or a stretched seam in sight. It was a black sport coat over a black shirt, with a maroon vest and matching tie… damn I looked good. I mean, even better than usual.
There is no denying that Rarity is a master of her craft. As I was admiring myself (how could I not?!), I heard a throat daintily cleared behind me. Pivoting slowly, I turned and struck a pose.
"My, I must say, that ensemble is magnificent, if I do say so myself. And I do. Time for the next one!"
Before I had a chance to protest for a few more seconds of unadulterated ego-stroking, the suit was removed from my body with but a ruffle. In its place there was another garment, one which felt significantly lighter, but just as well-fitting. Once all activity ceased, I turned back towards the mirror. This outfit was a simple button-up shirt with short sleeves in a fine grey satin material. Yeah… this one just felt really nice against my coat. Again, the garment disappeared just when I was getting used to it. This proceeded another half dozen times or so, each time the outfit changed it got a little bit more… provocative would be a good word for it. The point at which I drew the line was when I found myself wearing a white tee so tight it might as well have been painted on, cutoff denim shorts that were equally snug, a red plaid shirt with the sleeves ripped off, and a tool belt. Rarity… really? I cast my best "you've got to be kidding me" look at the alabaster unicorn, noting that her cheeks were quite rosy.
I cleared my throat. "Ahem."
She reigned in her wandering eyes with a bit of a blush before speaking up.
"Yes, well… I thought I'd design something that would appeal to Joy, something a tad racier than my usual fare… I think she'll like this… yes… quite like it… "
Rarity's voice trailed off to nothing. Alright then…
"I think you have demonstrated your talents as a designer very effectively. Would you agree, Lady Rarity?"
"Pardon? Oh, yes. Yes, I do believe I have… done that. Yes."
Bearing in mind that I had other arrangements that needed to be handled, I tried to hurry things along a bit. "Well, I really must be going soon. Would you assist me with the removal of this garment, Lady Rarity?"
Her grin was something moderately unsettling, to say the least. "But of course, it would be my pleasure."
Where all the rest of the garments had all but vanished off of my body, this one was peeled away, slowly and deliberately. Granted, this outfit was significantly tighter than the others, but I couldn't help but feel like this was intentionally being prolonged. Eventually, I was stripped of my "form-fitting" duds and re-festooned in a charcoal button up shirt and white undershirt. Somewhat dressy, but not overly so. Coupled with a black bowler, the outfit was complete.
"Lady Rarity, would you mind terribly if I left the rest of the apparel here for the duration of this evening's engagement?"
She waved a dainty hoof, dismissing the notion. "Not at all, darling. Though, I might have to invite you back for a calendar-colt photo shoot someday. I'm sure I can convince Joy to participate as well… "
I know she said calendar-colt, but I still pictured Joy in some skimpy attire… I'm not sure how, but though we walk around essentially naked all day, putting clothes on somehow made it that much more… burlesque.
Regardless, I concluded my business at Rarity's and set off towards my next destination: Flora's.