//------------------------------//
// A Case of the Bah Humbugs 
// Story: Christmas Makes a Human Rather Moody 
// by Heartland Picker 
//------------------------------//

Somehow, Pinkie managed to pull a pair hippity-hop balls from only God knows where, thus Rarity and Trixie were able to make a safe landing at the front door of the tavern where Twilight and Starlight looked like they were about to storm the door. Pinkie took to turning her tail into a makeshift airfoil impeller to ease her descent to the ground. Thus Twilight and her protégé were at least stymied enough for their tempers to settle.

Twilight, now with a bored look, turned to Rarity. "Party cannon?"

"Party cannon," Rarity replied, clearly miffed about her mane being ruined. Again.

Starlight and Trixie glimpsed at each other with mixed expressions, the former irately rolling her eyes and the latter fighting the urge to laugh (and slowly failing). Starlight commented, "I would be laughing if I weren't so mad at Ben right now. Let's just head in and see if he's here. I'd like to give him a piece of my mind!"

Twilight followed up. "Oh trust me Starlight, he'll be getting the riot act at least three times over for sure! This goes beyond the call of duty for me as Princess of Friendship, but whatever he did to set off Rose was probably uncalled for. I know she's not easily convinced by a single rejection, so this has to be serious!"

Rarity harrumphed in agreement as they trotted in the door. "Agreed! Whatever he said or did had to be something barbaric for me to see that! I'LL TEAR HIM TO SO MANY SHREDS THAT DRAGONS WILL LOSE THEIR APPETITES!"

Upon entering, they were met with the sight of your typical bar during Hearth's Warming. The lights that illuminated the bar were decked with holly, booths were set with maroon candles and green placemats, and Berry Punch was serving spiked eggnog and Hot Toddies at a table. Filthy Rich was at the bar with a couple of empty shot glasses next to him. Although he seemed to be smiling a bit for some reason, most anyone could tell that his mood had been more depressing prior to his arrival. This got Starlight worried for the stallion. "Twilight, I've never seen Filthy Rich in that bad of shape. What happened to him?"

Twilight now looked over at the stallion with much sympathy. "Spoiled Milk just divorced him and took almost everything that he had. A few months ago his business took a hit due to a class-action lawsuit, which forced him to make some sacrifices to keep the doors open. Spoiled didn't like the idea of giving up her jewelery, so she left him with nothing but enough bits to keep himself and Diamond Tiara in a small apartment in the old part of Ponyville. Applebloom has been doing her best to keep Diamond's spirits from falling any further, but it seems like Filthy is still trying to get past the whole thing. I hope Applejack has something up her sleeve for him." Starlight was moved by this, and would have went to give the stallion a hug. However, their mission came first: confront Ben for his atrocious demeanor to Rose. First they had to track him down.

The mares didn't have to search long, since Ben was on stage, with his guitar, making all sorts of slurs that put a couple of patrons on edge. His face was beet-red and he was waivering a bit. On a wooden barstool next to him, an empty scotch glass with ice accompanied by a bottle of the best bourbon this side of Canterlot. with the opened seal next to , almost half-gone. Clearly, he was already drunk. Twilight, Pinkie, and Starlight were all in a state of shock, while Rarity held a lace of disgust in her own expression. Trixie, however, looked amazed at what she was seeing.

"Well, Trixie has performed some alcoholic indulgence of her own, but could never make it past Round Four. This stallion is clearly a master of the craft. Trixie is humbled by his skill in holding his liquor."

Starlight hip-checked Trixie really hard at that comment and scowled. "Trixie, after this is over I'll explain all the things that are wrong with your assessment, but for now we have to focus on Ben. Unfortunately, the riot act won't stick if we talk to him tonight: he's too drunk. Most we can do is take him off the stage."

Unfortunately, reality had other plans for everyone that evening. Ben was front and center again, and was ready to go on again. "How's everyone doing?! The holidays can be a drag with the craze of shopping, ya know what I mean!? Well here's a song to flip the bird at the whole thing! HUH!!!" He stuck his middle finger out to the ceiling and began his most brash performance by far

"There ain't nothin' more depressin' than a pine tree...….."

As the song went, some ponies were laughing at the song (especially Filthy Rich, who saw the irony of the whole thing in his horseshoes), some were appalled, and others yet were simply dumbfounded at the blunt observations laid out by the lyrics. Rarity and Pinkie fell into the second category. Rarity was just miffed at the language, and Pinkie was just irritated that anyone could mock the holiday. She'd rather deal with the tale of Snowfall Frost again. Starlight and Trixie, on the other hand, slowly turned their heads to face each other. After one brief moment of looking at each other, they hit the floor laughing their asses off.

It was then that Trixie's cackling had caught Ben's attention. He turned towards them, (somewhat) realizing who had walked in. "STARLIGHT! TWILIGHT! WELCOME TO MY 'SCREW THE HOLIDAY' Party! Oh, and you brought Pinkie and that flamboyant gal with the weird chuckwagon! More fun, am I right?!"

To his detriment, Pinkie began to deflate while it looked like she was dealing with constipation. She then moved to make her opinion known. "This is not a party at all! This is just mean! Who in the cockleburs would mock such an amazing holiday!" Rarity found her own voice by now, and spoke her piece. "I am afraid that I am with Pinkie Pie on the matter. I would also like to add the following: your behavior in the last five minutes has been downright boorish, and has frankly been a waste of your gift! I'm well aware that making ponies laugh is something that tickles your fancy, but I do not approve of the methods you used just now! Sure, you're intoxicated, but my point still stands! Thus, you will receive an encore of my summary when you're sober!" With an audible "Humph!" she turned her muzzle upward with the snooty expression of disdain.

Twilight, however, was just standing there with disappointment of the likes that he saw on his mother's face. It was then that he, along with Trixie and Starlight, started to settle down. Not that it made him think, but the resemblance was uncanny. The alicorn then spoke. "Ben, you're too drunk to process what I would like to discuss with you right now, so you leave me no choice. You're coming home with us. Now. We'll discuss your appalling behavior in the morning, hangover or not."

Ben really couldn't say anything at this point. It felt too much like his childhood when he got too rambunctious and his mom, Eileen, had reprimanded him. What he didn't realize was that he had more in store for that night, as his mind was in the right state for a proper intervention in the night.