//------------------------------// // Chapter 1 // Story: Hearth Warming Calendar // by SwirledEyez //------------------------------// “And this is for charity?” Idol’s question lingered a moment on, unanswered, as Wispy carefully aligned the camera with one forelimb and a wing, before pushing down with the other wing and- *click* -took the picture. “That’s right, annual Royal Guard tradition, Winter Warming Calendar, all proceeds to a worthy and deserving cause,” she answered calmly, directing Idol into the next pose she wanted from him. “That is good to know, traditions form an important part of societal cohesion, and give the drones-Ponies structure and stability in life,” Idol nodded his head, traditions were good things, that he was sure of. Doing the same thing that their ancestors had did, for hundreds of moons, over and over, without changing? How could that possibly be anything but good? He was a little less confident as to the poses he was being instructed into, though: standing with his rear end pointed to the camera, neck craned painfully back to allow both his flank and croup to be seen, didn’t feel like a natural or dignified pose for a member of the Royal Guard. Still, Wispy had insisted on its artistic merit. Indeed, she’d been throwing that word, ‘artistic merit’ around a lot all day. “Why do I need to have my mane styled?” Artistic merit. “Why are you lathering oil on to my flanks?” Artistic merit. “Why am I not wearing my full armour?” Artistic merit. “Why do I have a rose in my mouth?” Artistic merit. Who knew Wispy was such an artist? “If this is an annual Royal Guard tradition, why are only you and I here?” He asked, slowly, as Wispy guided him into a rather bizarre position of lying on his back, limbs splayed, barrel bare, and instructing him to have a “come-hither-look,” or some such. “Don’t worry, I’ll be meeting the other models later, one-on-one sessions, taking their pics too, all above board, trust me, and-” she cut his next question off as his mouth opened, predicting it already; “-the reason we’re doing multiple pics is so that I have a wide range to choose from, don’t just wanna take one and be done with it, right? Rather have a full spread, mess around, try ‘em out, choose the best…I mean, you know what I’m talking about, right?” Wispy waggled her eyebrows in a manner that Topaz would most likely have described as ‘suggestive’. Idol, most certainly, did not know what she was talking about. “I most certainly do not know what you are talking about,” he huffed, earning nothing but a giggle from Wispy. “Alright, ‘aight, enough of that, time to move on to the next phase,” Wispy trotted away and Idol relaxed out of pose he’d been holding, forelimbs behind his head, standing only on his hindlimbs, thrusting his pelvis forwards. Wispy was making her way to a large box, one she’d brought with her, which had excited Idol’s curiosity when he’d first seen it, but now at least would have its nature revealed to him. “Yes, concerning that box Wispy, I actually wished to inquire earlier, but what exactly is within it? More camera supplies?” She opened it and turned to flash a decidedly Wispy (Idol could think of no word that encapsulated it better) grin at him. “Props! Now, Idol, be honest with me, have you ever worn a bit?” A few days of regular, boring, life and some, by this stage, regular, less boring, Idol-antics, and the young, definitely not a Changeling, guard began to notice something…odd. “Oh! There he goes, look at that flank, mhmm-hmm, it really is that beefy, isn’t it?” Everywhere he went Guard Mares were whispering about him! He caught snatches of it from the corners of his eyes, a pair of Pegasi flew by, only to stop and watch him from behind, an Earth Pony giggled as he adjusted his armour, a Unicorn Mare accidentally dropped her spoon on the ground in the cafeteria and needed him to bend down low to retrieve it for her. What was worse were the ones who approached him. Asking nonsensical questions, as if he would know the answer? “You know…I like a bit of harness play too, just saying,” Idol still had not been able to figure out what harness play was. “My sis is an amateur photographer, you ever think about doing some private modelling we could make it worth your while,” was the Royal Guard salary not sufficient on its own for these Ponies? It all came to a head, though, when he, by happenstance, came across a group of giggling Guard Mares all huddled around some sort of picture book. They’d stashed it away once he approached, quickly splitting up into groups of two and three (Idol had noticed Mares never seemed to move in groups of one) but he had managed to catch a glimpse. A series of pages, chronologically ordered, bearing information on the dates and times, with large pictures, of him, dominating the top, arranged, one after the other, for each month. Like some kind of…some kind of…some kind of… “No…” Yes. Idol decided to go to the most level-headed possibly Pony he could think of to confirm his suspicions. Unfortunately Shining Armour had gone home for the Hearth’s Warming Holidays and Topaz and her mother had, at the last minute, altered their plans from having Viridian stay over at Topaz’s for the season and, instead, both were now headed for a mother-daughter retreat outside of Canterlot. Idol remembered Topaz mentioning something along the lines of; “-not letting that hussy anywhere near you when she’s all fill of liquor-” or some such. This left him with Cadance. After all, she was a Mare, so she probably knew Mare-related things. It was a full proof conclusion. “Your Highness, may your lowly subject seek audience with you?” He brazenly, audaciously, dared to inquire, already wondering if he should throw himself out the nearest window. The door opened, luckily, almost instantly, revealing the gorgeous Princess of Love in all her splendour. As always Idol felt the buffeting wave of love that radiated from her but, having become accustomed to it, was able to show little reaction thereto. “Idol? You’re still at the castle? Don’t you have a family to visit over Hearth’s Warming?” Cadance poked her neck out, looking left, then right, before cocking her head quizzically to the side and regarding Idol with innocent eyes. “Luckily I do not, your Highness, and so may continue my service unabated by such distractions,” he proudly declared, actually allowing a small grin to cross his features. Thank goodness he’d dodged going on another holiday! “You’re weird,” was all Cadance said in response, but there was a playful tone to it as she stuck her tongue out at him. “Anyway, what can I help you with?” “Ah, your Highness, I actually wished to inquire with you about something I have seen, it is a calendar-” Cadance’s horn glowed and Idol just barely saw something rectangular slide beneath an armoire; “-that appears to be making the rounds among the Royal Guard, one that I am concerned was created under fraudulent circumstances, I was hoping to ask if you knew anything about it?” Cadance chewed at her bottom lip for a moment, her cheeks tugging upwards, but she physically fought to contain the laughter inside. “Yes…I…yes, I can help, let me explain-” Explain Cadance did and, to no-one but Idol’s surprise, the culprit responsible for this heinous act was none other than: “Wispy!” Idol breathed, through clenched teeth, with the sort of intensity usually reserved for one’s sitcom arch nemesis. “Wispy!” Idol at last cornered the ne’er-do-well in one of the Barrack’s kitchens. Cornered was, perhaps, too strong a word. He found her seated at a table in the kitchen, calmly eating a nectarine, and then he stormed up to her. “Yo, Idol, I don’t got any honey on me right now pal, if that’s what you're after,” she calmly responded, waving a hoof, as if she had done nothing wrong at all. Idol balked; did she have no guilty conscience whatsoever for her treachery? How cold and ruthless was Wispy? “I cannot be bribed into silence with honey, Wispy…though if you ever do have, I shall take but not as a bribe,” he slammed a hoof down on the table in front of her and she quirked an eyebrow. “Bribe?” “You lied Wispy! You lied! You deceived me!” Each word dripped with more passion than the next. “About what?” “This!” With gusto he revealed the calendar he’d been holding, now dropping it before Wispy’s eyes, the damning evidence. He felt a sense of satisfaction rise in him, there was no way she could wriggle out of this now. “Oh. That,” she said, calmly. Then she took a bite from her nectarine. “I didn’t lie,” she brazenly lied, mouth still full of fruit pulp to add insult to injury! “Of course, you did! You said this calendar was an annual Royal Guard tradition-” “It is, I started it this year,” “-you said there would be more ponies in it-” “Originally that was the plan, yeah, but the editorial staff changed their mind,” Wispy gave a nonchalant shrug and then swallowed the bit of fruit she’d been mulching on. “Then I wish to speak to this editorial staff! Where are they! I wish to lodge an official complaint!” Idol scanned the room, looking for any incriminating looking Ponies. “Sure, hold on a sec,” Wispy turned away in her seat a moment…then turned back to Idol, holding a hoof out; “Wispy Nimbus, head of editorial staff, how can I help you?” Idol stared at the proffered hoof, then stared at the smile on Wispy’s face. He sank, defeated, into a chair opposite her. “Well played Wispy, well played,” was all he could say, watching Wispy chuckle. “If it’s any consolation those calendars really are helping Mares keep warm over Hearth’s Warming,” Idol wasn’t really sure how that could be, were they burning them? “By the way, where’d you get one anyway?” “Mothchaser,” “Ah, right, she did buy like ten of ‘em,” There was an unbearable silence for a moment, filled only with he sounds of Wispy’s gnashing teeth. Idol was filled with a newfound respect for the Pegasus Mare, respect and dread. He could only shudder to think the havoc she could wreak if her unrestrained psychopathy had not been curtailed by her time in the Royal Guard. “At least…at least the proceeds went to a noble cause that is…almost worth the indignation,” he sighed, head in his hooves. “Yep, the bits definitely went to a good cause…” Idol looked up at her. “My bank account,”