‘Twas the day before Christmas, and all through the flat
Not a creature was stirring, not even a rat
No stockings were hung. No chimney, you see
No mantle, no fireplace, just coat-rack and TV
Wrapped in a fleece blanket, all snug on my couch
My mind numbed by reruns of Oscar The Grouch
Albert’s been watered and I have a nightcap
Who cares if it’s still daytime? I feel like crap!
Then, up on the roof there arose such a clatter
I cursed like a baker who spilled his cake batter
Over to my window I trudged like a schmuck
Try to look upwards? You’re shoot outta luck
So, why did I bother? I guess I was bored
My usual state now with naught to look toward
Even a strange noise may spice up my life
Well, better than slicing my wrist with a knife
Seriously. It hurts.
I don’t recommend it unless you’re a glutton for pain which, admittedly, sometimes I am.
Where was I? Oh. Right.
The sun glinting off of the new-fallen snow
Still managed to half-blind me from five floors below
Once I regained my sight, I went out to the hall
To the door to the roof, up the stairs. Just don’t fall
Emerging outside, I immediately tensed
It’s extremely damn cold… and I’m extremely damn dense!
Why in the hell did I not wear my jacket?
Guess I was distracted by all of the racket
The bitter wind picked up as everything darkened
At the wrong time of day. What had been hearkened?
Like a total eclipse come to block out the sun
And cast shadow over all, appeared The Great One
While I’d seen him before, in the last chapter I think
To be so close this time made my cheeks flush some pink
Or was that the chilly breeze still swirling ‘round?
No matter. I could not make even one sound
Won’t lie; I regarded The Great One with awe
For his mere presence caused my cold heart to thaw
I wished that poor Jackson could see this sight too
Alas, he’s gone but for some remnants of goo
I asked of The Great One, “Shaq, why have you come?
“Do you want to return me to where I hail from?
“This world makes no sense; it’s flat and robotic
“Like some jimsonweed snorting writer who’s despotic”
He said not a word; merely hovered and smiled
His smooth dark-skinned visage could not be defiled
Tilting down slightly, his mouth opened wide
With a “BAWMP!”, he released that which he held inside
Four girls. One flat kid. But the other three
Had literal depth and awareness, like me
The flat girl stood up first but chose not to stay
She said only “BURGER” then floated away
The other three seemed as confused as I was
Their leader had orange hair, poofy like fuzz
The purple one looked like she wanted to fight
The blue one saw me, blanched, and tried to take flight
I tried to approach but was met by a hand
The understood everywhere ‘back off’ command
“Not now,” said the orange girl as they all stood
“Whatever just happened to us was not good.”
“Dagi,” said the purple one, “It was the worst”
“More humiliating than when our pendants burst”
“That was pretty bad,” the blue-skinned one agreed
“But I think we’re better off now, yes indeed.”
“Shut up, Sonata!” they snapped, making her cower
“We’re poor, worthless, stripped of our magic and power.”
“But Sunset is here,” said Sonata, voice bright
“Just marry her then!” they retorted in spite
Now I was confused. Did I know these three?
More pressing was how in the hell they knew me
I’m sure that I’ve never once seen them before
But clearly two wanted to settle a score
“I’m sorry,” I said, “But there’s been a mistake
“I’ve never met any of you.” “That takes the cake,”
‘Dagi snipped. “Are you serious?” she then demanded
I nodded; she groaned as she said, “Now we’re stranded”
“It’s not quite so bad, Dagi” Sonata said
“I say screw that and screw you! I’d rather be dead”
Said the purple one. “Aria, that’s really bleak,”
Said Sonata, but they just replied, “You’re a freak!”
It was then that The Great One decided to fade
With the loss of him we also lost all our shade
It was far too bright with snow and afternoon sun
The three girls shot through the door like a gun
But I heard them exclaim ‘ere they bolted from sight,
“Screw this world. Screw Sunset. Screw Discord. Screw light!”
Discord? Who is that? I wondered aloud
“They mean me,” said a voice coming out of a cloud
The cloud spoke?! Okay, yeah, nope. That’s too much. I’m done.
END.