//------------------------------//
// Roachbow Dash 
// Story: The suffering of Rainbow Dash 
// by NeuPferdfurt 
//------------------------------//

[Twilight Sparkle frowned.
"I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to read this next one. It looks like a song text... or maybe a poem?"

"Uh! Let me see! Let me see!!", Pinkie Pie demanded. The earth pony quickly examined the fic and chuckled. "I'm in it, too! If it's alright with you, I'd like to read this one."

"Sure, why not..."

Pinkie Pie cleared her throat. "I'll need someone to give me a bass- not the fish, silly, the sound. Applejack? Would you do the honours? You make a neat bass."

"No problem, sugar cube."]

-

"Once upon a time, in the home of a pony called Pinkie,
Under a pile of candy wrappers, and clopfic, quite kinky,
There was a town called Roachville,
Where two roaches met,
Talking about the weather,
It was rainy and wet.
But that was no buzzkill,
Indoors they would stay,
And then they saw a pile of candy,
On a table far away.

["So far, the only scary thing about this are the rimes", Rainbow Dash said.] 

'Dude', said Roachbow Dash to Flutteroach, the other pest,
'We need to travel to that table far away in the west'
'We'll eat that sweet candy and then chill and digest.'
So it was decided and they got on the tracks,
For the big pile of snacks,
Until they reached some poker decks
Where they had to take a rest and relax.
They watched Roachity the white roach step on a trail of sirup
Getting stuck,
Crying out for dear life as she seemed out of luck.
When she was finally unstuck
Roachity discovered the fun fact
That for the next few minutes her brain was all but a wreck.

And to survive that sugar rush Roachity had to swing,
To come up with a roach song and to sing:

Badada Di Dam Dam,
Dam da Dam
Badada Di Dam Damn da Dam
Badada Di Dam Dam,
Dam da Dam,
Badada Di Dam Damn da Dam.

'That lady', said Roachbow Dash, 'doesn't look all that fresh'
'We ought to be on our way, 'caus straight ahead, there's the desk.'
And as they look up the table legs, and turn their little necks,
Flutterroach is getting sick to her stomachs and forgets all about snacks.
And she says to Roachbow 'I'm afraid you have to go without me',
'Hights like that, my dear friend, make me shake all my knees.'
Roachbow's  lust for candy however was without measure,
She climbed up the leg like Daring Do hunting treasure.
As she arrived on top, she said 'Yep, that is all dandy'
'Now I can go ahead and ingest all that candy.'
She devoured all the snacks like Pinkie Pie would have done,
In the blink of an eye the great pile was all gone.
Owie, owie, owie, that was too much of a good thing!
For at least ten whole minutes, she would do no more dashing.

And to survive the sugar rush she had to swing,
To remember Roachity's roach song and to sing:

Badada Di Dam Dam,
Dam da Dam
Badada Di Dam Damn da Dam
Badada Di Dam Dam,
Dam da Dam,
Badada Di Dam Damn da Dam.

The door swings open, and here comes the Pinkie,
She was down in the bakery, making the world's largest twinkie.
She's looking around, and she cries out 'Oh No!'
She is hungry for her candy, but where did it go?
Where it used to be, there's just a bloated insect,
Which is getting Pinkie all philosophical, and this has the effect
That she picks up that insect,
And drops her in a bowl of cool whip, leaving her no time to frown,

Puts a cherry on top...

...

And then swallows her down.

...

And in her sugar rush Pinkie starts to swing,
To shake her little rump and then to sing:

Badada Di Dam Dam,
Dam da Dam
Badada Di Dam Damn da Dam
Badada Di Dam Dam,
Dam da Dam,
Badada Di Dam Damn da Dam."

-

["Yet another fic where I get to eat someone", Pinkie chuckled. "Neat!"

"That poor roach", Fluttershy objected.

"Poor roach? It ate all my candy! I say justice was served."

Rarity shuddered. "Pinkie, darling, you are not suggesting this... writing was based on real events?"

"No?", Pinkie Pie proposed innocently. A little too innocently for Rarity's taste.

"Another lame one", Rainbow Dash said. "Now I know I should never become a roach. Wow. However am I going to avoid that?"

"I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you", Twilight pointed out, "Just recently, I discovered a spell like that in the library. It's one of the kafkaskan curses. Who knows? Might become relevant in one of our adventures."

"Hopefully not", Rarity sighed.] 

_

Author's note: this is based on a beautiful ballad created by Creme de la Creme, called 'Haschisch Kakerlaken' or simply 'Das Kakerlakenlied'. All I did was to translate into English and ponyfy, with questionable results.