Rarity was staring out the window of the train, not even really watching the scenery as much as she was just completely tuning out the world around her. Rainbow had been gone for a little bit now—Rainbow had said where she was going, but Rarity wasn’t listening—and Applejack had just gotten up to go check on her, leaving Rarity and Pinkie alone in the cabin.
It was hard not to think of Twilight, and even harder to think of anything else. Twilight wasn’t just a friend to Rarity; as pathetic as it felt to admit it, Rarity almost thought of her as family. They saw each other almost every single day for months, and Rarity felt more kinship to her than to any other pony she’d ever met.
Rarity scoffed as that thought crossed her mind. ‘Other’ pony, as if Twilight herself was indeed a pony. But she wasn’t; she was a monster. A snarling beast of fang and flame that lived for nothing else than the destruction of weaker species.
Right, because that certainly sounded like Twilight.
It bugged Rarity to no end, trying to wrap her head around why Twilight was so kind, and so friendly, and so docile, why she hadn't ever tried to attack anyone, and didn’t fight back when Rarity tried to kill her.
That last part was the thing that confused Twilight most. Twilight’s attitude could simply be chalked up to her not being a very good dragon. Maybe she was too cautious, and was waiting for the ‘perfect moment’ to strike, and it just never came, but in that case why didn’t she fight back?
The more Rarity thought about it, the sicker she felt. And eventually, she realized there was one other question she had neglected to ask, but just like everything else, no answer was in sight.
Why did Twilight burn down the library?
“Maybe we don’t have to kill her,” Pinkie’s voice suddenly interrupting Rarity’s thoughts caused the unicorn to crease her brow and glare at Pinkie, who tried to cover herself with her mane to hide from Rarity’s intense stare.
Rarity sighed and ran a hand through her mane. She recognized the smile on Pinkie’s face, the almost too manic smile of someone trying to act okay—poorly. Pinkie Pie didn’t need the added stress of a lecture or rant from Rarity, but her question still grinded against Rarity’s last nerve too much to be simply ignored.
“Then what would we tell Queen Celestia?” Rarity asked flatly, resting her chin on her palm and staring out the window.
“I—I dunno,” Pinkie sniffled, holding her body and trembling. Rarity was almost irritated by how easily her emotions were swayed by a sad Pinkie Pie, because now she felt guilty and miserable.
Rarity got on her knees on the floor of the cabin, looking up at Pinkie Pie and putting her hand on Pinkie’s knee.
“I will promise you this,” Rarity said hesitantly, knowing how seriously Pinkie took her promises and how outlandish Rarity’s promise was about to be, “if there is a non-violent solution to this whole mess, I will take it in a heartbeat. But I need you to understand that there simply may not be one.”
“Pinkie Promise?”
Rarity forced a smile that hid her gritted teeth as Pinkie uttered the two words Rarity was dreading. A regular promise, Rarity might have been able to talk her way out of, but she worried that Pinkie would quite literally never forgive her for breaking a Pinkie Promise.
And yet, Rarity found her smile becoming softer. Her promise was outlandish, but it wasn’t unreasonable, was it?
Rarity supposed the real question was this: did she want to kill Twilight Sparkle? If she did, she could not agree to Pinkie’s promise, but if she didn’t, then…
“Cross my heart,” Rarity said softly, closing her eyes and letting a genuine smile creep upon her lips ever so briefly, “and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. I Pinkie Promise.”
“Yay!” Pinkie cheered and catapulted into Rarity’s arms, knocking her on her back. Rarity allowed herself a laugh as she held onto Pinkie, remembering for just a moment what actual joy felt like.
“Darling?” Rarity said gently, and Pinkie looked at her concernedly, worried for more bad news. “I need a few moments alone, are you going to be alright?”
“Yeah,” Pinkie nodded, smiling brightly. “I’ll go check on Applejack and Rainbow Dash, you do what you need to, okay?”
Rarity stood to her hooves, helping Pinkie off the ground as well, and headed out the cabin, but Pinkie had one more thing to say.
“Just be safe, okay?”
Rarity hated that Pinkie had to ask her that, and hated even more that Rarity needed to hear it. She hated nothing more than to feel like a burden on her friends, and to know that her idiotic behavior caused them to worry was—
Rarity flashed a dazzling smile and nodded, grateful for the relief that washed over Pinkie’s face.
A disgusted groan escaped Rarity’s lips as she looked at the utterly distraught mess of a mare that stared back at her from the bathroom mirror. She was thankful the bathroom was empty so that nopony could see what a spectacular disgrace Rarity’s fur, hair, and makeup situation was.
And her clothes, ugh. How could she go to sleep in her clothes, and furthermore not change into a new outfit once she woke up? She was grieving, certainly, but that was no excuse for barbarism!
Her makeup would have to wait one more moment, however, because there was something more pertinent that Rarity had been putting off, and she certainly couldn’t do it after fixing her makeup.
Rarity took a few deep breaths, trying to clear her mind as much as possible; trying to shed the chains of anxiety that bound her, the shackles of pride that made her body unwilling to follow her natural instincts.
Rarity needed to cry. It had been too long.
And yet, no tears were coming.
Rarity’s usually pretty face twisted into an ugly scowl. She had half a mind to punch the pony in the mirror, but that was far too uncouth, even in her fragile emotional state.
Hmph, Rarity grimaced, ‘fragile emotional state’ indeed. Not fragile enough to cry, obviously!
Then again, perhaps she was simply taking the wrong tact. Every one of Rarity’s thoughts since… ‘the incident’, had been laced with bitterness, anger, betrayal. She was furious, and that wasn’t much of a crying emotion.
She was sad… wasn’t she?
To be truthful, Rarity realized in that moment that she hadn't quite thought about it. She mostly was angry, and at what? At Twilight, for lying? Oh, certainly, but that… that was nothing. Rarity understood why Twilight had to lie, and though she was frustrated with having been lied to, in the end that wasn’t cause for all this anger.
She was angry at herself, for becoming so attached to Twilight that it felt like half of her world had been ripped asunder by what happened to her librarian. She hated the idea that she needed anypony—rather, anyone— that much.
So she took a breath, and tried to remember why.
And as she recalled Twilight’s flustered reaction to Rarity’s flirting on the day they met, Rarity felt a single shadow of a tear. As she thought about zoning out during Twilight’s lecture on cragadiles because the librarian was just too damn cute, Rarity found herself clutching the sink in order to keep from falling on her trembling legs.
As she remembered taking Spike out for ice cream, and the two of them making fun of and with Twilight while she nervously skittered about, so uncomfortable to be away from her library, Rarity held her face in her hands.
Memory after memory flooded Rarity’s mind, of all the joy she had in the Golden Oaks Library, and how now it had all been rendered unto nothing. It was all a lie, at the end of the day.
And yet, when Rarity realized that even regardless, she wouldn’t have traded those memories for anything in the world, that is when the tears fell.
She could accept the rage brewing in her heart— she told herself as she fell to her knees and sobbed— because Twilight’s smile brightened up a room.
She could accept the despair at having her life destroyed— she insisted as she nearly pulled her hair out while she wept, barely restrained screams of sorrow leaving her lips— because Twilight’s voice was like a song that filled her with strength.
And she could accept whatever came next, whether it be death by dragonfire, or the blood of a violet temptress staining her blade— she resolved as she gripped the bathroom sink and pulled herself back up to look in the mirror, smiling at the distraught mare with black tear streaks streaming down her face— because at the end of the day, she still loved Twilight Sparkle, just as much as she hated her.
The piercing whistle of the train as it approached Ponyville station also brought a smile to Rarity’s lips. Her makeup was even more horrid now than when she walked into the bathroom, but it was nothing she couldn’t fix; she excelled under pressure and was determined to look her absolute best before she walked off that train.
After all, she had a very important date.
As Rarity departed the bathroom, she quickly ran into the others and instinctively reached for poor Rainbow’s mane; the sleepy pegasus looked more a mess than she had and, judging by the look of her clothing, likely tried to hide how bad she looked by wiping her face with her shirt.
“You alright?” Rarity said, and Rainbow nodded and gave a yawn.
“She’ll be fine,” Applejack put her arm around Rainbow and pulled her close, Rainbow smiling as she leaned against Applejack. “I’ve got her, after all.”
“I’m sure you’ll take wonderful care of her,” Rarity beamed.
“Hey, nopony needs to ‘take care of’ me,” Rainbow said groggily, “I’m all can take care of by myself.”
“You wanna lift, sugarcube?” Applejack asked, and Rainbow didn’t even answer before climbing onto Applejack’s back, resting her head against Applejack’s and promptly falling asleep.
“You look good, Rarity!” Pinkie cheered as the party headed for the front of the train.
“I try my best,” Rarity smiled grandly, flicking her mane.
The girls departed the train, Rarity holding her head high as she walked onto the platform, breathing in the bustling atmosphere of the busy Ponyville station, which put the perpetually empty Moon District one to shame.
She felt okay. No, for the first time in an age, she felt good.
Until she locked eyes with a lavender mare sitting on a bench on the platform, and her stomach dropped.
“Hello, Rarity.”
“Hello,” Rarity said, taking a cautious step forward, “Twilight Sparkle.”