Ain't No Rest For The Wicked

by GatheringFriendship

Chapter 4 - Dance Puppets!

My eyes burst open and I sat up quickly... A little too quickly. The world began to spin, and the familiar feeling of bile rising into my throat occurred, as I turned over. I stared at the ground below me and braced the for the inevitable. The burning sensation overwhelmed my taste buds as the contents of my stomach emptied. It should have hurt more... but I guess I hadn’t eaten anything at all yesterday. All of my nutrients came from booze...

It began to pool around below me... which rather confused me. I looked around to see it was in a perfect demi-sphere crater dug into the ground. How did I get here? And who dug this hole...?

The pounding in my head was becoming more and more noticeable as my brain began to slowly work out where, and what I had been doing.

Train, balls, ponies, bar... what happened? What did I do? Why am I asking myself these questions while dangling over my own vomit?

I slowly began to drag myself out of the pit, taking great care not to step in it, or lose my balance and fall in it. I needed to figure out where the buck I was. Every step felt like another pound beneath my horn. I crawled over to the edge and saw something amazing...ly bright. Celestia’s sun glared at me as if I had done something wrong. Perhaps as punishment for some transgression I had unwittingly committed. It burned- a lot, so I closed my eyes against her angry stare.

This was enough of an accomplishment for me. I flopped back down on the grass and tried to fall back asleep. Celestia probably had something else in mind, I thought, as the brightness shone through my eyelids.

“I don’t wanna get up yet! 5 more minutes!” I said, as I rolled onto my side and tried to get comfortable on the soft grass below.

But then... the pounding began to get louder and louder. I began shaking as my head betrayed me. This isn’t fun brain, stop it. Lemme sleep, and you can complain later. I promise.

The pounding relented for a moment, but then began again.

“HEY! STOP IT! I’M TRYING TO SLEEP!” I yelled from my fetal position. Owww, why would I do that to myself! Oh sweet Celestia I’m dumb in the morning.

“Well. then go sleep somewhere else, ya crazy unicorn!” A familiar, irritated voice called back.
.
My brain doesn’t usually answer back out loud... what’s going on here?
“...Brain, have you learned how to talk? And why do you sound like my best friend Rikky?”

I heard a loud sigh, and the pounding noise stopped soon afterward. “Ugh. How many times do I have to tell you? It’s Ryku! R-Y-K-U! And geez, you look like crap! What happened to you? And why is there a huge hole in the ground over there? It looks burnt...”

I turned over and opened one eye as the haze that surrounded the orangish blob began to go away, and there stood my buddy, Rikky. I smiled and thought for a second.

“57, angry mob, I sleep dig.” I responded with a large smile.
`
“Um... okay then... I’m not sure if any of that is TRUE or not, besides the sleep dig thing, but anyway, how the hay did you get out here?” Ryku asked, with more questions arising than answers gotten.

“Yeah, I’ll probably call you Rikky forever! If I knew how, I would tell you, but, the last thing I remember; I was surrounded by all these mares... wait no, that was the other place. No, this was... umm... alright so, there were these like 4 meter tall ponies and one had this gigantic metal device strapped to his back and the other was part dragon and was breathing fire and... and was sitting on top of his horde. I battled one as the other tried to flank me, and my sword was drenched in the first ones blood and oil as the drony tried to snap off one of my legs. I dodged quick to my left as the Dex monster snapped off the Kai’s forehoof. He howled in pain as the two turned on each other. I watched for a bit, waiting for my time to strike! Didn’t have to wait long though, as the dra-pony’s flame was too hot and melted the metal right off the other ponies back! Victory for him didn’t last long though as I jumped forward and *THWACK* chopped his bloody head off! DECAPITATION! Twas a glorious battle, but in the morning I was the only pony standing amidst the destruction of the land. Hence the hole. I ended up leaving the horde alone as a monument to my glory. Moral of the story, stay in school.” My rambling was less than coherent this morning...

Ryku just stood there for a second with his mouth agape. After his mind caught up with him, he looked back at me with a mix of a grin and a laugh. “That’s a great story, Satin, but I think if all that happened, there’d be a bigger... hole...” Ryku stopped abruptly and burst into a laughing fit on the ground, unable to keep his straight face any longer. “I... I think you drank... a little too much last night... Satin...” He said between laughs and gasps for air.

I turned my head as I looked at him, “Too much? No such thing! Anyway, whatcha doing out here buddy... and where are we?”

The orange pony took a minute to calm down a bit before responding. “Heh, well, ahem... Okay. So, I spent the night in the Sweet Apple Acres barn last night, right? I was invited to, by the way. This morning I heard the Apple family waking up around 6 or so, and I decided to see what they were doing. They said they were going to be apple bucking. Now, before you say anything, I know. Sounds a lot worse than what it is. After they told me it’s meant to knock the apples out of the trees, I asked if they needed help. They sent me over to the south end of the farm, where we are, and I’ve been working for about 4 hours. So, that about sums my day so far up.”

“There’s such thing as 6 am? I thought we all agreed to stop counting from about 2am till I woke up.”

“Heh, well anyway. Since you so elegantly interrupted me, mind giving me a hoof, Satin?” Ryku more ‘demanded’ than asked.

“If you promise to not kick the tree so loud, sure.” I said, as I massaged my temple and tried to stand up without falling over.

Ryku put on a big, mischievous smirk, and walked over to a nearby tree with apple buckets already in place under it. “Not loudly, huh? Okay, is this quiet enough?” After he finished his sentence, the orange pony brought his back hooves back as far as he could and kicked the tree with all his might, leaving two hoof-prints in it and making a noise louder than a train crash.

Everything blanked as an unfamiliar white haze filled my vision and my head was wracked with a final loud thump. I hit the ground.

I awoke with a start, due to hearing a loud thump from below . “What the...” I peered over the edge of the cloud I had slept on, just in time to see a familiar orange earth pony run over to the limp body of an equally familiar blue unicorn.

“OH SWEET CELESTIA! What have I done! I think I actually killed him! Wake up, damn it! Wake up!” The orange pony shouted as he shook the unicorn frantically.

“What the buck is going on down there!?” I screamed from my position on the cloud. I stood and quickly glided down to the two ponies ignoring me, one by choice and one by, what looked liked, a knock out . “What in the name of Luna’s full moon is going on here!?” I asked again, with a growl of irritation in my voice.

Ryku turned to me with a look of genuine fear on his face. “It’s Satin! I think I actually killed him!”

I inspected the body of my alcoholic friend and smiled, “He’s in a daze. I’ve seen this happen to Tim on several occasions; for instance, once, when somepony strummed a power cord after he’d woken up with a large hangover, he would immediately fall over. So no, you didn’t kill our ridiculous friend, here.”

“Oh, well... in that case...” The orange Earth pony started as he walked over and kicked Satin’s still-dazed body back into the hole he was next to. “...he won’t mind if I give him a wake up call!”

“Hold up, what happened here? There wasn’t a crater here when I went to bed last night...” I said, gesturing to the giant hole in the ground.

Ryku smiled as he walked back towards the apple trees, determined to get back to work. “Ask the passed-out pony in said crater. That is, when he wakes up and finds himself in...whatever liquid is in there with him...”

I shrugged, “I guess with the things he’s already done when I first met him, it would be something pretty ridiculous. A quick lump on the head always wakes up Tim, so maybe it will work on Satin.” I kicked an apple in, and it knocked against Satin’s head.

He raised his head and looked around... then looked down, “OH SWEET MOTHER, IT’S EVERYWHERE! EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, EW, EW!” He exclaimed as he rushed out of the pit of bile and began running back and forth hurriedly.

Satin looked in my direction. “Don’t look at me! It was ‘fire head’s’ idea to put you in the hole!” I said, pointing to Ryku.

A little ways away, where he’d started working again, the two heard the fire-colored pony yell. “It’s Ryku, damn it! Not Rikky! Not ‘fire head’! RYKU! Ugh! And yes; I kicked you into that pit! What are you gonna do about it, Satin? You can barely stand, let alone come after me!” Ryku laughed.

A ghastly grin came upon Satin’s face as he began to charge Ryku at a full gallop. Ryku, in kind, was taken aback by the sudden burst of balance, but recovered just in time to dodge to the side of the oncoming stallion.

There was a very loud popping noise accompanied by a flash of pale blue light as Satin teleported back to try it again. He didn’t miss, as there was no time to react. He tackled the Earth pony hard, and began to shake the acrid liquid onto him, like a wet dog.

I fell to the ground laughing at the spectacle before me. “Oh... the friends I have made...” I chuckled, momentarily pausing to catch my breath.

“EW! Get it off, get it off, get it off!” Ryku screamed as he launched the blue unicorn off of him and made a beeline for the nearest body of water... which happened to be a pond.

“Get back here, you!” Satin yelled as he picked himself off the ground and gave chase once again.

I rolled on the ground a couple hooves away from the pond they had both jumped in, still laughing like a mad mare at how ridiculous the event had become. All of the sudden, a loud, irritated voice sounded from behind me.

“What in tarnation is goin’ on out here?” An orange mare with a blonde mane demanded, as her voice rose in annoyance.

I stood up and began to back away. “I believe Satin can explain what’s happened..” I said before hiding behind a nearby tree.

Satin’s voice piped up from the pond, “I can explain everything! Whatcha need to know!?”

“Alright then, shoot. Start at th’ beginnin’.” She said, calming down a bit.

“A long long time ago, in this galaxy, there existed two opposing powers.” Satin began as he flourished his forelegs. “One was an being of pure raw energy,whereas the other one was a never ending pit of unstoppable darkness-”

Ryku cut him off before he could further confuse the poor mare by putting a hoof to Satin’s mouth. “Here, I’ll give you a sum-up. Satin here appears to have exploded last night. He has a horrible hangover, and has been annoying me for the past half hour. I dazed him with a kick to that tree over there,” He pointed to a tree with two indents in it, “And I woke Dex up doing so. I kicked Satin into his hole, and then he tackled me. Then we both ran to this pond, and you showed up, scaring the hay out of Dex. Sound about right, guys?”

Satin sat down hard in the water and crossed his forehooves and mumbled, “My story was better... You have no flair for storytelling...”

“Oh Celestia, please don’t hurt me.” I screamed from behind the tree I had hid behind.

The irritated mare calmed down a bit more after the explanation, but she still seemed wary about this intruder in her orchard.

Satin didn’t seem too keen to make a good impression. He bounced out of the water up to the mare, “And what’s your name? Also why is Dexy afraid of you? Is he being smart, or are you the kinda mare that likes being in charge? Cuz I can be into that. What’s with the hat? I’ve got a hat! Mine’s sillier, and therefore totally the best hat ever!” His questions spilled out of him unhindered. The orange mare just continued staring at him with her mouth open.

Satin started to ask another question, but Ryku nudged him in the side before he could get it out. “Heh... sorry about that, Applejack, but my friend here can be a bit... eccentric at times...”

“Eh, Ah’m used ta ponies like that, Ry’. Don’t sweat it.” Applejack said to the orange stallion before turning her attention to Satin. “...And, uh, what was yer name again...?”

Satin’s grin spread over his face, “The name is Satin! What’s with this town?! It seems like it’s only filled with mares and odd stallions? Also, where can I get a drink, my brain is literally trying to kill me with this hangover, and I think I might actually pass out from the pain... and maybe breakfast, breakfast sounds good!” He stated happily.

I stood up, although I was still afraid that Applejack would get angry again. “Satin, how could you think of more alcohol when you have a hangover?”

Satin turned his head at me, “I never learn my lesson I guess...”

I sighed. “Hopefully you’ll learn your lesson soon... or else...”

He looked at me thoughtfully before shaking his head, “Never gonna happen! Life is more fun with a few less inhibitions!”

I shook my head. “Whatever.” I then looked from Satin to Applejack, “Sorry about cowering behind a tree instead of explaining what happened. I turn into a coward when somepony yells at me.”

Applejack just cocked her head, and let her stetson fall to one side as she scratched her head with her hoof. “Ah don’t suppose ya could git back ta work sometime soon, Ry’. This part of the orchard still needs to be bucked, ya know.”

Satin let loose a giggle and said, “bucked.” under his breath.

Applejack eyes narrowed as she gave Satin a confused glare, “Y’all still goin’ on about what that sounds like? Ya sound like a lil’ colt!”

“Okay, okay! Everypony simmer down. I’m gonna get the apple buckin’ done, and I’ll meet you,” Ryku glared at Satin, “and Dex... sometime later. Okay? Now get the hay outta here before ya cause any MORE trouble!” The irritated pony said, gritting his teeth to keep from yelling.

“When have I ever caused trouble?” Satin asked innocently.

I face-hoofed and grabbed Satin’s foreleg. “Come on. Time to go, you crazy, crazy unicorn.”

“I DON’T WANNA! She’s ignored all of my questions! I wanna know things! All of the things!” Satin shouted as he was dragged away. “Dramatic going away - NOOOOOOOOoooooooooo...!”

Man... this unicorn sure can be a headache... an interesting headache, but still... I thought as Satin and I went over the hill towards Ponyville, and finally, out of sight.

I shook my head and smiled as I saw the last of Satin’s struggles, watching as he and Dex rounded the hilltop. I sighed. “Whew. At least that’s over.” I then turned to Applejack and my smile went directly to a frown. She was staring me down.

“Alright, now. Ya just wasted enough time ta git near a third o’ this here part of the orchard done. Ah had mah section done an hour ago. Now, you and Ah are gonna git this done NOW. Ya got me, Ry’?” Applejack said in a stern, authoritative voice.

“Y-Yes ma'am!” I nodded sheepishly and turned back to the trees to get back to work as Applejack replaced her hat and followed close behind.

It took us both nearly an hour and a half, and by the time I was done, I was about ready to collapse, but we got the area done. In fact, after I bucked the last tree, I did exactly that. I fell to the ground on my side, panting. I laid there for a moment before I heard a chuckle and a set of hoof-steps going away from me. The hoof-steps came back a few minutes later, and I heard Applejack say something muffled.

“Here, Sugarcube. Ah think ya earned yerself a drink.” She said around a tray with three glasses on it.

I stood up and looked at the tray. “Who’s the third glass for?”

She set the tray down and smiled. “Ya aren’t fergettin’ somepony, are ya? Mah brother worked a bit too. Ain’t that right, Big Mac’?”

“Eeeyup.” Mac’ said as he walked up to the two of us and grabbed one glass for himself. Applejack took her’s and I grabbed mine.

I took a long swig of the apple cider before speaking. “Hey, sorry for earlier. Satin can be a bit... random, at times.”

“Heh, Ah noticed. He reminded me of mah friend Pinkie Pie in that respect.” Applejack laughed. “So, how long y’all plannin’ on stayin’ here in Ponyville? You and yer friends, Ah mean.”

I scratched my head with my.hoof and thought for a moment. “Well, I can’t speak for all of them, but I didn’t really PLAN on goin’ anywhere any time soon. I gotta find me a job first though...”

Big Mac’ just smiled as Applejack stuck her hoof out towards me. “Ah was hopin’ ya’d say that! How’s about ya work here on th’ farm? You may have been slackin’ a bit earlier, but when Ah got ya goin’ afterward, ya nearly kept up with me! We could use another worker like ya, ‘round here. What do ya say?”

Well, that was quick. Find a job. Check. “I’d love to!” I took her hoof in mine and shook it. “Thank you very much!”

“Eeeyup.” Mac said.

“O’ course! Ya can start tomorrow mornin’. Until then, how about ya head inta town and get to know the place better?”

I nodded and said goodbye before starting down the road towards Ponyville. I looked back at the farm once I reached the top of the hill, and saw Applejack scolding a small yellow filly with a big red bow. Weird... shouldn’t a filly her age be in school right now? Eh, whatever. I’m sure she’ll get there now that AJ’s seen her. Wonder who the little one is... AJ seems too young to be a mother, so I’ll go with sister. Anyway, awkward thought aside, I’d better keep going. I shook my head a bit and turned back to the road, ready to get back into town and see what trouble Satin had gotten into already.

There was an insistent knocking on the door... I say insistent, but what I really mean is constant. It was early... too early to get up... Too early for customers... Too early for consciousness...

I buried my head in my pillow as to block the noise out, but the knocking just became louder, like it knew what my plan was. I let loose a sigh as I soon realized I wasn’t going to win this battle.

I slowly rolled out of bed as the knocking continued. I managed a weak, “Coming.” before stumbling out of my bedroom and making my way to the front door.

When I finally reached it after the torment that was ‘sleepily walking to it through the annoying knocking’, I extended my hoof towards the door to open it. The very moment hoof met wood, the door burst open and shower of confetti blew on me, around me, and throughout the hall. I should be surprised, I really should. I winced as the lyrical onslaught was about to began.

No, not this morning!

I did the first thing that popped into my head, I shoved my hoof in my her mouth stopping her mid syllable. Not my proudest or subtle moment...

To say she looked hurt would be... an understatement. She looked downright crushed as I slowly removed it and said, "I'm sorry Pinkie, I truly am. It's just not a good morning for the whole song and dance."

She stuck her tongue out for a moment, "Ew! You taste awful!" She said in her overly happy voice so there was no way that could have been an insult.

"I just wanna go back to bed Pinkie, can you give me the short version?"

She scratched her chin for a moment before making a face like she knew where to begin, then shook her head and went back to scratching her chin.

She held out a letter encased in a bright red envelope with a glittery pink border with the words; ‘Kai-kai’ written big in the same bordering material. “There’s a surprise party for the new stallions in town!” She exclaimed happily, “And you,” her pink hoof now almost touching my muzzle, “are invited.”

I forced a small smile. Pinkie means well but somehow she never got the right hours that certain ponies like to sleep. “Thank you... Pinkie... I’ll be sure to try my best to make it.” I said weakly.

Her gigantic, ever-present smile remained as she responded, “Okie dokie lokie! I’ll see you laaaaaaaaaaaater!” She responded as she bounced off.

She’s always excited, always energetic, and always one iota from annoying me. Although, she never seems to go over the edge... I thought as a little smile appeared on my face.

I was about to throw the invitation on the hallway table, but something stopped me. I don’t know what it was, but for some reason I opened it right there on the spot. The writing was flowery and written in all sorts of colors. You wouldn’t think it, but Pinkie had some truly beautiful hoof writing. She rightfully deserved some sort of writing cutie mark, a quill or an inkpot one.

The letter was short and sweet like... well, it was short and sweet.

To the most fantastical and pretty much the only Engineer in Ponyville, Kairo!

This is a super duper invite to meet the newest visitors in town! It’s for 4 silly looking stallions! Anyway! The suuuuuuuuuper secret surprise party! If you see the new ponies tell them to be at Sugarcube Corner at 5 for not a surprise party. Also, the party starts at 5!

The only presents we require is your presence!

With hope that you’ll be there,
Pinkie Pie!

4 stallions? I met 3 of them... the last of them couldn’t possibly be as annoying as THAT blue one... it wouldn’t hurt to at least check on that last one... also free food and drink. Everypony knows Pinkie makes the best baked goods in town. I thought as I threw the invite back onto the hallway table before my body protested my current consciousness level.

I rubbed my head for a second as I made my way back to my bed. I released a long yawn before I flopped back on my bed, threw the drab covers back on top of me, and promptly fell back into unconsciousness.

I was dragged all the way back to town. Let me say that again with more emphasis so that you get my meaning. I was dragged ALL THE WAY back to town. I dunno why, but I suppose this Dex pony has some grand scheme for me. Hope he knows what we’re doing.

I smiled as we aimlessly wandered around town. “So where are we going?”

“Don’t know, somewhere you can’t piss off Applejack.” He said with his well known melodramaticness.

“Bah, that’s less fun. Now I have to find some other mare and press their buttons! Which I’m ok with. Rikky seemed like he was already going for that AJ chick. I mean did you see the way he cowered? Wait... no that was you.” I said with a smirk.

“Hey, shut up. I have a reason to be cowering from her.” He said with a sigh.

“Ahhh, thats ok, I’m a coward too! We can start a club and have jackets! Maybe some patches of some chickens. It’ll be fantastic!” I said happily.

“No thanks. First off, I’d rather keep the hoodie than wear a jacket stating that I’m a coward, and two, being a coward isn’t something I’m proud of.” He stated blandly.

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of! It truly is a noble calling! Now then, can you breath fire is my first question. Second question, how fun is it burninating things?”

He sighed. “I have never tried to breathe fire and I never will. Just because I’m part dragon doesn’t mean I can breathe fire... but I do know that the earlier members of my father’s ancestry were able to. Not just the dragons, but the ponies as well... but that’s enough tracing my ancestry for now. To tell you the truth, I don’t even want to know how it worked.”

“That sounds like less fun, not even trying. You could be missing out on like toasting sandwiches and whatnot, but whatever. You know what I could go for?” I asked as we rounded the corner of a shop.

He mumbled something under his breath, I only ended up catching the last two words, duct tape. “...I don’t know, a drink? Celestia knows I need one.”

I looked at him incredulously, “What happened to ‘No Satin, don’t drink anymore’? I was going to say breakfast. First things first, though. You need to help me find my saddlebags. My money is in there with the rest of my crap.”

“It’s probably at the last place you were last night before... digging that giant hole and falling asleep in it.” He stated before looking over at me and asking “...do you even have any memory of last night?”

“To be quite honest, I don’t remember anything after the bar. So, probably there. Also, I don’t sleep dig. Stop telling ponies that I do that.” I said with mock anger.

“Well at least there’s a bar in town, and if you don’t sleep dig where did that hole come from?” He asked, rather curious.

“I didn’t think they made towns that didn’t have bars. That seems like a necessity, and I dunno. I just woke up in the damn thing.” I said as I tried to remember where that bar was. I’ve never been good with directions. Ever.

“Well, judging by the fact that we ended our stroll at Sweet Apple Acres from that trail, I guess we go...” He scanned the area, looking for the path we had been trotting upon the night before, “...that way.” He pointed to a road leading towards the town center.

“My handy dandy map!” I exclaimed as I punched him in his shoulder blade and started off in that direction.

He rolled his eyes, “I can tell this friendship is going to be the weirdest one I’ve ever had.”

I looked at him with a bit of surprise on my face, “Really? I mean I’m interesting, but I’m not like a helpful griffon, intelligent diamond dog, or some other bipedal monster.”

“No. It’s the way you act. My bandmates and the few other friends I had were never as weird as you.” He said with a smile on the corners of his mouth.

“That sounds almost insulting, but I’ll take it as a compliment.” I responded as we approached the club from last night.

He shrugged, “It was a compliment, so I’m glad you took it as one. One thing you should know about me: I’m never rude unless somepony is rude to me.”

I shook my head. Club Pon-3 didn’t look open. Of course it’s not open, it’s in the AM. I knocked a few times and a loud/angry voice rang out, “We’re CLOSED!” Dex hid behind me.

“Come on Dex, shes just my new drinking buddy. I bet she just has a huge hangover. HEY CRYSTALLLLLLLLL! OPEN UP!” I yelled through the door as I knocked harder.

A loud silence filled the air, “GO AWAY!” She yelled back.

I frowned for a second, “I NEED MY STUFF AND HAVING AN ENTIRE CONVERSATION SHOUTING IS RUDE!”

I imagine she sighed, rolled out of whatever position she blacked out in, and slowly trudged to the door before yanking it open, but that may just be me.

It was very apparent that we had just woken her up. The almost golden color of her fur was matted down, her long red and blue mane was disheveled, there were bags under her eyes, and there was the telltale death glare.

“Get your stuff, and get out.” She said in a low/cool voice.

“Good morning to you too, sweetheart.” I said as I walked past. Nudging her shoulder on the way in.

I could feel her glare follow me as I went behind the bar and began looking high and low for my saddlebags.

I just left my cowardly friend with a Unicorn that probably wants to murder everything right now. Heh, at least it’s not me.

“And who in the hay are you!?” I heard Cryssy turn on my drony friend.

This’ll end well I thought as I searched under the bar.

“Speak up, Pegasus!”

Not here either. Maybe... they moved it somewhere ridiculous. I looked on the shelf behind the bar.

“Quit hiding under that hood! Speak, ya mute pony!”

He really needs to learn to talk to mares that want to destroy him. I shook my head as my search came up fruitless.

I realized I wasn’t gonna find it on my own. “Crystal, what happened to my saddlebag? Did somepony move it when I left last night?”

I heard an audible slap, “Check on the bar you unobservant idiot!”

...makes sense. I turn from the shelf and look on the bar to see my faded blue saddlebag on the bar. I threw it on quickly and made my way to the door where... the scene just made me laugh.

Crystal was giving Dex a half glare half questioning look and Dex... he was doing what he did best. Pretending he was somewhere else.

“Come on, Dex. Let’s go find some breakfast.” I said happily as I walked through the door. “You’re welcome to join us if you’d like, Crystal~.”

The door slammed behind me.

“She has such a lovely personality. COME ON! IT’S TIME FOR FOOD!” I yelled as I grabbed him and pointed with my other hoof.

Dex was silent for a second, “...other direction...” he murmured.

“Right! That way then!” I exclaimed as I roughly turned us both around.

I awoke to excruciating pain. My head felt as though it was going to split open, and the bright sunlight was shining directly into my face. I attempted to shield myself from the source of illumination, but it was in vain. The light was all around me, and there was nothing I could do about it.

The fact that the sun was directly overhead told me that it was somewhere around noonish. With an agonized groan, I rolled off the cloud I was sleeping on and unfurled my wings. After falling about 10 feet, I finally was able to maintain a solid enough altitude to fly. I struggled to maintain a straight enough flight path, the sheer magnitude of my hangover affecting my ability to see. I clumsily flew along for a moment or two before giving up and simply gliding down to the ground, where I could walk. Not soon after, I touched down, or rather flopped down, and I felt something foreign attached to my tail. Slowly I reached behind me, and retrieved what I found to be a letter tied to my tail. It was a bright red envelope with glittery lettering on it.

“… …What is this?” I croaked out to no one in particular. I attempted to decipher the sparkly words on the envelope, but my pounding head made me think otherwise. With a slight groan of defeat, I put the pink envelope in my mouth and slowly got to my hooves. I then began to make my way back to Ponyville, as I had spent the night on a cloud on the outskirts of the small town.

The walk was nothing short of nightmarish, my hangover impeding my every step. Every few steps the world seemed to shift beneath me, and I would stumble. A few times I even fell over, but something compelled me to cling tightly to the letter in my mouth. After about an hour of hung-over walking, I finally reached my destination: Club Pon3.

I was thankful the town seemed to be barren on this end. So when I nudged the doors to the club open, I wasn’t surprised to find the place completely empty. With an exhausted sigh, I fell onto the floor, finally letting the letter fall from my mouth. The flump echoed throughout the place, the sound resonating off the walls and returning to my ears with a volume that caused my head to scream at me. I groaned loudly.

“I am never going to drink again, so long as I live.” I said aloud, pressing my hooves tightly against my temples, trying desperately to massage away the hangover. Then, an angry shout came from behind the bar counter.

“Who’s there?! If it’s that blue unicorn again, I swear, I’ll ream you!” Crystal’s slightly muffled voice called out. The volume of it made my headache increased tenfold.

“SHHHHHHHHHH! Not so loud, Crystal!” I groaned out, desperately trying to keep from passing out from the pain. I then heard the clopping of hooves and saw her red and blue mane rise up behind the bar.

“...Torque? Oh hey, sorry about that. You look terrible...” She said a matter of factly, slowly walking over to my side.

“Good morning to you too.” I grumbled out, struggling to my hooves. I then slowly began to walk to the back office to collect my saddlebags. I only managed to get a few feet before gravity won over my physical strength and I flopped back onto the dance floor. The sudden altitude shift, combined with the hangover, prevented me from moving any further. I heard Crystal snicker behind me.

“A little hungover, are we?” I shot her an angry glare.

“At least I slept in a bed, miss bar counter.” My insult worked out so much better in my head, but then again, my head wasn’t exactly in full working order.

“Hey, I slept in my own bed, but that unicorn woke me up about an hour ago, and I just dozed off. And just so you know, a cloud, is not a bed.” She finished with a slight huff. I opened my mouth to protest, but after my last comeback, I thought better of it.

“Hey... what’s this envelope here?” She called out.

“Oh yeah, not entirely sure. Couldn’t read it... not enough brain function.” I responded flatly.

“Invitation...probably to the party tonight.” She stated bluntly. I turned around to look at her with a confused look on my face.

“...How do you know?” I asked.

“Pinkie Pie’s mouth-writing. You’ll learn soon enough.” She said, opening up the envelope with a quick magic burst. She scanned it for a few seconds, then levitated it over to me. “Yup, you’re invited to this party tonight. Have fun.”

I gave her a questioning look for a moment, “My first day on the job and you’re giving me it off to go to a party? That’s... how do I put this... a little bit too...”

She began to chuckle a bit, “You misunderstand, this party is for the new stallions in town and how could I live with myself if I kept you from this. Also, Pinkie’s parties usually kill the club scene for the day anyway...” She trailed off as she gave me a knowing smirk, “plus, everypony else in town will be there, including ‘moi’.” She said putting great emphasis and sarcasm on the last word.

I could only roll my eyes in response.

I’d just reached the outskirts of Ponyville and I was slowly walking down the road. A thought occurred to me. Where am I gonna stay... I can’t crash in the Apple’s barn every night... I sighed and began glancing at the buildings as I passed them, looking for any that were for sale or rent. Sold... too expensive... too... run down? Damn... better keep looking. I walked a little ways longer before coming to what looked like an apartment complex. Let’s see... there’s the sign for which one’s are vacant... one, one bedroom apartment for 200 bits a month... one, two bedroom apartment for 350 a month... and a deluxe four bedroom apartment on the top floor for 500 a month... First payment when you rent the house. Sounds good, I guess. It’ll work if I can scrape together the bits in time... I looked in my saddlebags, and found my bit pouch. I opened it, and found... 30 bits. Great... well, I’d better get working soon. Otherwise I’ll have to partner up with somepony in the two bedroom one... and I do NOT want that!

I shook the unwanted thought from my mind and continued down the road. There were ponies moving about everywhere I looked. The town seemed to be thriving, and here I am; a stallion who can’t seem to keep a job, much less stay in a town more than a week. “Sigh, I just hope everything works out better here...” I mumbled under my breath.

I continued down the road a few minutes longer before I came to a stop yet again. My stomach had growled. Damn it... and now I’m hungry... I glanced around and noticed a small cafe nearby. I trotted over towards it, but froze just before the door. Something in the window had caught my eye. Oh no... There, in the window, was Satin sitting across from Dex at a window table in the cafe. Satin had a chef salad and Dex had a dandelion sandwich. As usual, Satin was flailing his forelegs about, and smiling the entire time. I sighed, hesitated a moment, and then walked into the building. His loud voice carried over the entire restaurant.

“...And then she looks me dead in the eyes and responds with ‘that’s not how you eat ice cream’.” Dex burst out laughing and I can see the mix of confusion and snickering from the other patrons.

I... I didn’t know what to think. I missed almost all of the story, so I was more confused than Applejack was this morning. I tried to have a seat in the far back corner of the cafe but the next thing I heard behind me blew that plan out the window... or at least TO the window...

A high pitched but still very much Satin sounding voice broke out, “Heyyyyyy Rikkyyyyy~! Get your orange colored flank over here, you antisocial little stallion!”

Everyponies’ eyes were suddenly on me. I wanted to yell... “Damn... it... Satin...” I slowly turned to him, gave him a look that said ‘I’m going to hit you for that’, and made my way over to his table. Dex couldn’t stop laughing long enough to even acknowledge my presence. “...It’s Ryku... not... Rikky...” I whispered angrily.

“Come on, you love it!” The unicorn whispered back happily.

“I hate you....SO much right now...” I retorted.

“I can just taste your love now.” He took a bite of his salad. “No, I’m thinking of walnuts. Delicious!”

I facehoofed, “WAITER! Can I get a menu, please?! And maybe a drink... a BIG one...”

The waiter arrived at the table within moments and I ordered a lettuce and tomato sandwich for 5 bits. I frowned when the waiter said they didn’t carry alcohol. ”Damn...”

“So what’s on today’s to do list my best friend forever! And don’t worry Dex, I didn’t forget you. You just didn’t come close.” Satin asked me with a ridiculously big smile.

I resisted the urge to get up and leave and just answered his question. “Well, had this thing laying next to me when I woke up,” I pulled out a letter I found that was bright red with pink frills on it opened it on the table. Then I read it aloud:

To the... actually, I don’t think I’ve seen you either! I guess I’ll have bake another cake! See you there, flamey!

This is a super duper invite to meet the newest visitors in town! It’s for 4 silly looking stallions and you! (This looked like it had been quickly added) Anyway! The suuuuuuuuuper secret surprise party! If you see the new ponies tell them to be at Sugarcube Corner at 5 for not a surprise party. Also, the party starts at 5!

The only presents we require is your presence!

With hope that you’ll be there,
Pinkie Pie!

As I finished, I looked up to see Dex with a blank face and Satin with a huge, toothy grin. “What?”

“Party means free booze... and food... and mares! This is a fantastic plan! Let’s do this!” Satin spouted out.

I ignored Satin, and instead looked at Dex, who now wore his own smile. “Um... Dex? Whatcha smilin’ about?”

“Yeah... those ‘4 silly looking stallions? That’d be me and my band.” Dex said as he pulled out another letter just like the one I had shown. “Same thing on it as yours, except she said ‘To one of my very special guests’ on it at the beginning.”

For once, Satin had nothing to say. He frowned and just started picking at his salad. I wasn’t sure whether to be glad that there wasn’t any more noise coming from his mouth, or scared that SATIN WAS BEING QUIET.

“Hey Satin... You alright?” I asked cautiously.

“I’m ok.” He said as he levitated a nut in the air and ate it.

Dex looked over to me and then back to Satin. “Um... didn’t you get an invite, dude?”

“NO.” He responded loudly, never taking his eyes off his meal.

“You know, she may have gotten you an invite, but couldn’t find you because you were in a freakin’ crater, Satin.” I said quietly.

A small, unsure smile appeared on his face. “You think so?”

Dex nodded, but as I hadn’t done anything yet, the blue unicorn’s gaze held intently on me. “U-um... I’m sure she...” Then something caught my eye outside the window. I saw a pink pony looking frantically around. She stopped suddenly with her eyes burrowing into the back of Satin’s head, a glint of happiness in them. “...I’m absolutely positive she’s looking for you.”

His small smile grew a bit, “Thats a nice sentiment, but you can’t be sure. Maybe she just forgot poor old Satin. He’ll be alone as all the ponies in town celebrate the new ponies in town EXCEPT me.”

“Satin. I’m sure. And you should brace yourself.” I said as Dex and I crouched behind the table. The pink pony had disappeared from the window and had suddenly appeared behind Satin with an impossibly huge smile on her face, but I hadn’t seen her come through the door...

His face contorted into one of confusion, but not for long...

“THERE YOU ARE!” The pink earth pony’s voice filled the restaurant with glee and I saw Satin jump a bit in his seat. “I checked the hole in the ground, but you had already left! Here’s your invite!” She hoofed him a letter similar to the one I had found that morning. “Now I have to go find three more accordions and a chocolate fondue fountain! Byyyyyyyyyyye.”

Satin sat there slack-jawed as she bounced out of the restaurant. Continuously shifting his gaze between the invite and the loud pony. “I think I’m in love! I love accordions and fondue!”

Dex and I looked at eachother, then to Satin, then back to each other again. Then we both fell to the ground, laughing and gasping for breath.

“You dare mock my love!” He stated loudly as he stomped his hoof on the table.

I... I had to. “YES! FOR THE LOVE OF CELESTIA! YES, I DO!” I said, laughing even harder.

He crossed his forehooves, “Well, you suck. This isn’t how friends support each other.” He said as he stuck his tongue out at us.

Dex calmed down and sat up. “You know it’s funny, Satin.” he said. “Anyway, I better head out. I gotta go find my bandmates before the party!” The pegasus said as he walked out the door, still chuckling a bit.

“Heh, whew, I needed that. By the way, Satin. We were planning on staying here in Ponyville, correct?” I asked breathlessly.

He was still frowning and glaring at me a good bit, “I don’t have any plans, as long as we don’t get run out of this town too. I’m good to stay.”

“Well, I took a look around, and there are a few apartments vacant just a little down the road. We’d have to get the money, but they were pretty cheap. Sound good?” I asked as my sandwich arrived.

“You want to be roommates!” No... “That’s fantastic!” No, no, no... “This sounds like so much fun!” NO-NO-NO-NO-NO! He responded happily.

By the time he’d finished, I was losing it. “Um... I was thinking I’d get my own apartment... maybe... you know... maybe somewhere NEAR yours!” I hope not... “But not really roommates, per se...”

His brow furrowed, “That sounds like you want to be able to avoid me...”

Absolutely. “Of course not, Satin! I just... like to sleep alone, alright?” I said nervously.

“I wasn’t suggesting we spoon, but fiiiiiiiiiine enjoy your stupid privacy.” He said as he finished his salad.

I stuffed my sandwich in my mouth and ate it before I continued. “ANYWAY, what time is it now? The party is at 5, after all.”

“Well, we just ate lunch, soooooo... I have no idea.” He responded as he threw some bits on the table and slowly got up from the table and put his saddlebag on. “Come on buddy~. Let’s go explore the town. Maybe try and get you a date to the party!”

“I’m just going to ignore that last one and go with ‘explore the town’. Come on, Mr. Energy. Let’s go.” I said, rolling my eyes as I walked out.

“You’re no fun. I already found the love of my life, and you won’t even try! Well, fine! Let’s go cause some trouble!” He said as he followed me out.

I trotted down the lane looking left and right for my three friends, “Where could those three be?”
I asked myself aloud, my eyes wandered the stalls and buildings lining the lane I was walked down. After a moment, my eyes caught a glimpse of a blue maned pegasus sitting with a brown Earthpony and a dark blue unicorn by the canary colored pegasus Tim had told me to go chat with yesterday.

“Celestia no!” I quickly ran up towards them, “Hey guys, what’s up?” I said with a nervous smile plastered on my face.

“Oh hey, here’s the pegasus we were all just talking about, Dex you remember this mare right?” Tim ask with a malicious smile.

I looked at her for a brief moment “Uh, yeah... Hi,” I said barely able to mutter the words, “Guys we got to get going there’s some things we need to take care of.” Jake and Nick understood what I meant and hopped down from where they sat.

Tim on the other hoof wanted to torment me further, “Oh come on Dex don’t you want to stay and chat with Ms. Fluttershy.”

“I’m sure we can talk at the party tonight, but we have some things to attend to now come on Tim,” I said, ready to book it.

“I didn’t know you were also part chicken,” Tim said, as that word echoed through my thoughts I began to think, Should I smack him upside the head later, or have him chased by Satin again?

“No, Tim, I’m not, and you know this.” I responded with a scowl, “Now, lets go. The party is in...” I looked at Jake, who responded by looking at the watch he always kept on his right forehoof.

“The party is at five. We have two hours before it begins, so I agree with Dex. We need to go get ourselves an apartment so we don’t have to sleep outside again. You know, unless you want to sleep on the ground again, Tim?” Jake replied

Tim put his hooves on the ground “Alright, I guess we’ll see you later Fluttershy.” He said as we walked away. Jake and Nick waved goodbye and I, being the nervous pony I was, just lowered my head.

We walked to the train station and grabbed our saddlebags we had left along with our equipment,
“So her name is Fluttershy?” I asked looking towards Jake.

“Yes, she takes care of small animals and woodland creatures.” Jake said with a smile pegged at the corner of his mouth, “Why do you ask?”

“Oh... well I...”

“Isn’t it obvious Jake old pal, Dex likes her even though he hasn’t truly said anything to her.” Tim said smiling back at me, “Isn’t that right Dex?”

I gave a hate filled glare and sighed “Yes, I like her.” Nick ran up to me

“No way you like her dude that’s epic! Maybe you two can start a relationship and...” I put my hoof over his mouth.

“Lets not move this fast with somepony I haven’t even had a conversation with yet, shall we, besides we just got into town. I can wait a few months before being in a relationship, Nick,” I removed my hoof from over his mouth and he nodded.

“Right, lets not move too fast, got it” He threw his bass back onto his back, since it fell from all the excited jumping he did just a moment ago. “But what if we talk to her Dex maybe you don’t have to wait a few months maybe you can wait a few weeks.” He smiled his big energy filled smile.

I sighed, “I don’t care what you guys do, just don’t be hooking me up with any mare today okay?”

Some time passed as we trotted towards our next destination, and once we found the apartment building we had been searching for, it was an hour before the party.

“We better get in there and register for a four bedroom apartment and quick.” I stated, hurrying my bandmates. We stepped through the threshold and were immediately greeted by the mare at the desk with a huge smile and a quick wave “Welcome to the Hay!”

“Thank you ma’am, we would like one apartment with four bedrooms please,” Jake replied with a smile.

She brought out a large ledger from beneath the desk, opened it and began scanning it. “Ah~ha! We have an apartment here that meets that one requirement.” She went into the back office for a moment and quickly returned with her large smile. “Here you go sir” the mare said hoofing over the key, “The room is right up the stairs and to the left, I’ll have three more keys made for your friends once you get back from the party tonight.”

“Wait,” I interjected “...how do you know about the party?”

“Oh, right you’re the ponies this party is for aren’t you? Well, Pinkie has invited everypony to the party because everypony is her friend.” She said almost threateningly, “And well, as some say, the more the merrier.” She said with a friendly smile.

“Well, it looks like we’re in for one hell of a party then,” Tim said with a hint of excitement in his voice, “I guess we’ll see you there, come on guys, if we’re ever going to make it to the party, we may want to unpack before hoof.”

The mare behind the counter stared at the guitar case on Nick’s back as he was the last to start climbing the stairs, “Oh wait, if you four want, you can bring your instruments. After all, you guys are a band, and I’m sure everypony would like to hear you play.”

I smiled, “Guys, I guess we got our first gig in this new town, and surprisingly it’s a party thrown for us.”

I fiddled with the third broken clock of the day, as the day began to wane. I don’t know why some ponies are so rough on their alarm clocks. It’s only loud because you told it to be. It’s only doing it’s job... I held a hoof to my head. Oh ‘sweet Luna’, I’m empathizing with alarm clocks again. It’s time to take a break.

I slowly tried to rub the knot out of my neck as I checked the time...

4:20...

That party is at 5... should I go? I mean, I’ve been working all buckin’ day, and I don’t really wanna finish the day with loud music, meeting new ponies, and me be tired during all of it. I guess... I can decide it in a little bit. First thing’s first. I need a shower.

I slowly pushed myself away from the workbench, making my chair screech against the wood floor.

“Shut up. Not today.” I threw out at the noisy furniture.

I held my head low as I made way to the bathroom, sticking to the wall for general direction and support for my tired limbs. As I made my way there, a few thoughts crossed my mind: who was the last stallion, what kind of party would it be, and how angry would Pinkie be if I missed the party?

Probably better if I didn’t think about it...

I entered the bathroom and turned on the water so it could warm up a good bit before I jumped in. I slowly gathered the... necessary items: my loofah, my combination mane and coat shampoo, and most importantly of all, Mr. Engelbert.

Ahhhh, Mr. Engelbert, I do so love you.

I’d had him since I was a colt. My constant companion. My dearest friend.

A warm smile spread across my face in remembrance of better times. I sighed and slowly slipped into the shower.

I got out and dried off after my relaxing shower and thought about the party some more.

So it’s settled! I’m not going, I’m just not in a state to go. Too much tinkering today, too much working with frustratingly small parts, too much... just too much.

I threw myself onto my made bed and stretched as far as I could, working my worn muscles.

Ohhhhhhh, that feels so good!

I looked at the clock again. It was 4:40. I looked at my work schedule. It was empty, for once.

I... really don’t have anything better to do... No! I need some time off for once!

Another five minutes passed as I slowly fell into the state in between consciousness and sleep, but something else had a better plan. My stomach growled. I got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. I opened the fridge...

And~ ... I don’t have any food left... I cursed under my breath. Fine... I guess there’ll be food at the party... damn it. So much for time off...

I sighed, glanced back at the empty fridge one last time, and then headed out the door. Sugarcube Corner wasn’t far, so maybe I could just stop in, eat, and leave. I trotted lazily through town, and it all seemed deserted. Nopony was out on the road. All at the party, I’d bet... I shook my head. Well, Pinkie Pie parties are always the best...

Sugarcube Corner was just around the corner and down the street by now, and I was starting to tell myself to just turn around and forget the whole thing. Then I heard a voice behind me.

“Hey. Are you heading towards the party too?” said a black pegasus with strange silver sunglasses and a red, silver, and blue mane.

I stared blankly at him, having stopped in the middle of the street to see who had spoke. “Uh... yeah... I haven’t seen you before... who are you?”

“The name’s Torque. I’m the new DJ at Club PON-3. And you are?” Torque asked.

I gave a small smile. At least this new stallion seemed sane. “Kairo. I’m the town engineer. I’m... a tinkerer, of sorts. Nice to meet you, Torque.”

“Heh. Nice to meet you too. Well, we’re gonna be late. We better get going.” He smiled as he started to walk past me.

I followed him. Hmm... Maybe this won’t be so bad after all. As we turned the corner, I could see the entrance to Sugarcube Corner... and three familiar-looking stallions... Scratch that... This is going to be awful...

My new acquaintance, this ‘Kairo’ stallion, and I turned the corner and the place at which the party was being held came into view. “So that’s Sugarcube Corner, huh?”

“Yep. Best bakery in Ponyville. Also home to the best party planner in Ponyville.” Kairo said distantly. He appeared to be staring into the crowd outside the bakery. I followed his gaze.

“Hey! It’s Dex and that blue unicorn from last night... Satin, was it? But who’s the fiery stallion they’re with?” I asked intently.

Kairo seemed to mumble something about somepony being a pain in his flank before he responded. “If I remember right, that is... Rikky? No, that’s what that annoying unicorn calls him. That’s Ryku, if I’m not mistaken.”

“Ryku, huh? That’s an interesting name. Well, let’s get over there. It’ll be nice to chat with them again, and meeting new ponies is always fun.” I said with a smile.

Kairo grimaced. “Fun. Right. THAT’S the word for it. Let’s just get this over with...”

I frowned a bit at his reply, but shook it off. Crystal gave me the day off for this, so I was determined to have a good time tonight. We walked down the street and reached the party in almost no time at all. We were noticed almost immediately by Satin, who then dragged both Dex and Ryku over to us.

“Ahhh, two of my most favorite stallions in town! How’s it going, guys?” He said, almost shouting as he closed the distance.

Kairo’s ears folded onto his head, and he cringed as Satin got closer. Since I’d been around loud music for work, the volume didn’t bother me as much.

“Hey, Satin. Hey, Dex. Hey, Rikky.” I said happily.

Suddenly, the orange, fiery-maned stallion turned and slapped Satin in the back of the head. “Damn it, Satin! Now complete strangers are saying it!” He said.

Realizing my mistake, I corrected myself quickly. “Oh, sorry! I mixed that up, didn’t I? Sorry, it’s nice to meet you, Ryku. I’m Torque.”

Ryku sighed, then smiled. “Nice to meet you too, Torque.”

I smiled back, then looked at the group as a whole. “So, this is all the newbies, huh?”

“Actually, my three band mates are here as well.” Dex corrected.

“Alright! Looks like everypony’s here! Let’s get this party started!” Pinkie suddenly yelled from the doorway to Sugarcube Corner.

Satin took a step towards the doorway with the crowd, then turned back to the rest of us. He threw his forehooves wide and announced to us, “Welcome to my domain!” With a smile that can only be described as wicked.

I gave a chuckle and all five of us walked inside together.

These guys are crazy. I love it! This is one gonna be one hay of a party.

With that last thought, the first Pinkie Pie Party any of us, excluding Kairo, had ever experienced, commenced.