Canterlot, the capital of Equestria. Shadowed by the Royal Sisters’ Castle, the great expanse of a city has seen ages come and go since it was built after Nightmare Moon’s defeat. From Nightmare Moon’s return, Discord’s Release, and the Changeling Invasion. But now, it faced an event unlike any the city has ever faced before.
In Canterlot’s nightlife district, where clubs and casinos are the norm, there are a few high end, extremely exclusive places. The two most famous are in the Royal Sisters Plaza, the casino Celestia’s Crown, and the nightclub Luna’s Respite. Standing in front of the entrance of the two establishments are four rather imposing figures. One of the last Trolls in existence, a bugbear with a metal arm, a gargoyle without wings, and brown gorilla wearing a tie. Both pairs of bouncers part ways as Luna enters her sister’s casino, and Celestia enters the nightclub with her anthromorphic changeling companion.
“Why is everyone crowded on this side of the club?” the solar princess asked Knightmare as they entered. The changeling just shrugged his shoulders as he helped force his way through the crowd. All of the ponies were having a good time, but seemed hesitant to go too far past the dance floor.
As Knightmare and Celestia got towards the edge of the crowd, the answer of their question resounded around the club, deafening even DJ PON-3’s made beats with its volume. It was a noise that often times strikes fear into the hearts of ponies, but to Knightmare it was an announcement of something far worse.
It was a call of the wild. A summonings of the world’s most fearsome beasts. A sure sign a pack would descend on a location in a moment. The noise travelers feared above all others.
A howl.
Jumping up over the heads of the other ponies, Knightmare sees why the entire other half of the club is empty. Sitting at a table in the empty half are two diamond dogs, the Lunar Legend, a cynogriffin, a Duo-Crestis Lupus, and a nervous looking timber wolf.
“HEY GUYS!! What’s up?” the changeling asked as he crossed the dance floor to great his compatriots, though he was slightly nervous around Lycan and Zeta, with the former’s tendency to light things on fire, and the latter’s habit of killing things just because.
Unfortunately for the changeling though, everydog at the table gave him a somewhat icy glare. Except for Twigleaf, who seemed embarrassed to be there. It was Aoi who took the time to explain themselves though.
“Sorry Knightmare, it’s nothing against you. It’s just that mating season just ended recently, and us canines just needed to celebrate.” All of the furry companions nodded at the end of Aoi’s sentence.
“So, where are Ubi and Eol? And why can’t Celly and I join you?” Knightmare asked innocently.
“And why do I have to be here?” Twigleaf added.
“Ubi doesn’t like clubs, and Eol decided to stay with him,” was Aoi’s cool response. Before he could continue, a cynogriffin wing covered his face.
“And you and Celly can’t stay cause you aren’t fucking wolves. And Twiggy, you’ll close enough. So beat it Knight, or I’ll bite your leg off,” Zeta barked at him. “And I know it’ll regrow, so you can’t even bitch about it.”
Knightmare took off, flying across the dance floor to avoid the bounty hunter’s sharp teeth. Echo, Lycan, Zeta and Grim were laughing as they saw the changeling fly off, while Aoi just sat there containing himself and Twigleaf pounded his head against the table.
“So, we’re here to celebrate right? Let’s go get some drinks!” Zeta cheered. Echo and Lycan had large grins plastered on their faces at the thought of cold drinks, Grim seemed hesitant to have his first drink, while Aoi was worried about getting too hammered again like the Grand Galloping Gala. Twigleaf was still continuing smashing his wooden skull into the table, slowly leaving an imprint of his face in the tabletop.
“So what does everyone want?” Lycan asked, getting up to grab the drinks.
“Beer!” Zeta barked out.
Echo grabbed Lycan’s tail, and telepathically asked for some cider.
“I’ll just have some water” Twigleaf mumbled out, ignoring Zeta calling him a pansy for his choice of drink.
“I’ll have an appletini. It sounds great” Grim proclaimed. Zeta’s face paw at the gay diamond dog’s drink choice was audible even over the loud music.
“Can you get me some sake Lycan?” Aoi asked, before jumping back from the table. At the mention of sake, Echo had tossed Zeta up onto the table by the cynogriffin’s tail.
“Ok, so Echo thinks we should all do sake bombs since Aoi’s Japanese. Right the fuck now, exact quote there” Zeta proclaimed, acting as the mute explorer’s mouth. Echo smacked the bounty hunter over the head as Zeta smiled sheepishly, laughing to himself. “Fine, the last part was all me. Anyway, Lycan, get us six sake bombs stat!”
As the fiery wolf ran off to get the drinks, Zeta turned back towards Echo. “But where are we going to get chopsticks for the sake bombs?” After failing to follow Echo’s gaze from underneath Echo’s hood, Echo resorted to twitching his head to the left. Zeta turned to find himself staring at an oblivious Twigleaf.
Aoi just watched from the other side of the table as Echo and Zeta grew mischievous grins on their muzzles. He was split between stopping the two of them, and letting the troublesome duo enjoy themselves. Once the two starting prepping to pin the unsuspecting timberwolf down, Grim got up to stop them only to have Aoi stop him. “We were all chased around by a bunch of crazy bitches recently, let them have their fun and let loose,” Aoi explained, not only to the diamond dog, but to stop himself as well.
Twigleaf heard Aoi and looked up to see a cynogriffin and diamond dog staring at him. “Um... what’s up guys?” Twigleaf asked nervously. If he was smarter he would’ve started running that instant, but his question gave both predators enough time to pounce. “WHAT THE HELL GUYS?!”
“Shut up Twiggy, we need chopsticks for the sake bombs. Echo hold him still while I make some.” Zeta growled out and started using his claws to hack at the wooden canine. A couple minutes later, and with lots of paws flying, and a couple of wood chips too, Zeta and Echo disentangled themselves and headed back to their seats. Twigleaf followed shortly after, with his tail significantly shorter than earlier.
“Fuck you guys,” the clipped canine muttered out while Echo and Zeta bro-pawed as they set up all of the drinks. In front of each of the canines at the table was a mug of beer filled about halfway up. Resting on top of it were two chopsticks placed just far enough apart that shot glasses full of sake wouldn’t fall off unless the table was jostled.
Grim just looked at the set up with a confused look on his face. He started reaching for the shot glass before Lycan shot a tiny spark of magic at him.
“Not yet laddie. There is a rule to these things. Everyone get your paws floating above the table,” Lycan ordered, which was met with everyone complying. “Ok, so you do these by waving your paws towards the table saying, ‘Sake, Sake, Sake, BOMB!’ and on bomb you smack the table, knocking the sake down. Then you chug the entire drink. Ready?”
After Echo flipped Lycan off about how he can’t talk, everyone gave a curt nod and prepared for the fun. Except Twiggy, who was being a stick in the mud. Soon the club echoed with the chant “Sake! Sake! Sake! BOMB!” followed by the sound of the table being slammed by over a dozen paws.
Zeta, Echo, and Lycan were the first three to finish their drinks, and instantly began arguing who was first. Zeta and Lycan were quite loud while Echo’s argument was full of a lot of flipping off and pointing. Twigleaf managed to dump his entire drink over his shoulder while the others weren’t looking. Aoi finished his rather shortly after the first three, and instantly started trying to help Grim out, who was choking on the aftertaste of his first drink.
After Grim had controlled himself with the help of Aoi, he managed to sputter out “That was nasty tasting. How do they drink that?” referring to the three canines whose argument had evolved into a light scuffle.
Even over getting smacked around, two of the three of them yelled “BECAUSE IT IS PROOF GOD LOVES US!” while the third simply flipped the bird. Twigleaf had just restarted trying to get his face as firmly printed into the table as he could.
“You can pick the next drink ok Grim,” Aoi informed him, attempting to allow the diamond dog some control. His plan was going swimmingly until he heard a paw slam on the table. Looking across from him, he saw Echo holding both wolves by their scruff.
“I say that if we are doing shots because Aoi is Japanese, than we have to do an Irish Car Bomb since Lycan is Irish,” Zeta exclaims. Echo nods his approval as he sets down the two other wolves, Lycan and Zeta zooming off to place the new order.
“Don’t worry Grim, you get next choice, or I’ll be the one in the scuffle. And I doubt they’ll be able to beat me in one,” Aoi proclaimed, his words slightly slurred, staring over at Echo. For the diamond dog’s credit, he simply flipped off the Lunar Legend like it was nothing.
And so the night continued, with each canine declaring a drink everyone had to chug together, and the reactions were almost identical to each one. Lycan, Zeta and Echo would argue and fight about who can drink the most, Grim would sputter at the taste of it while Aoi attempted to help him out, and Twigleaf would dump his drinks into a potted plant that he grew.
After they convinced Twigleaf to pick out an alcoholic drink for everydog to chug, Lycan, Echo, and Zeta all ran to the bar to get it. Twigleaf’s face impression had been finished by now, and the plant he was dumping his drinks into had quickly died. Needing something to entertain himself with now, Twigleaf decided to strike up a conversation with the two remaining canines at the table.
Turning his attention to the neutered dog and the Lunar Legend, Twigleaf had to keep himself from falling over with laughter. Aoi and Grim were completely hammered at this point. The only thing stopping either of them from falling to the floor was the hug they were sharing at the moment.
“You guys feeling alright there?” Twigleaf asked, tree sap falling from his eyes instead of tears from holding back his laughter.
Aoi spun around to face the timberwolf, but in his drunken stupor kept spinning and fell off his seat and onto the floor. Grim, after losing his support, flew backwards in an attempt to not fall forwards. He only succeeded in the latter, falling flat on his back instead.
“Fuck yous Twiggy,” Aoi slurred out from his position on the floor. As the warrior tried to get up, the world seemed to begin spinning below him, causing Aoi to fall right back down on his face. Twigleaf erupted into another fit of laughter.
Grim had managed to roll over, and was beginning to crawl over towards Aoi in an attempt to start the hug again. By this point, the three alcoholics of the group had returned with Jager-Bombs for everyone.
“Guys, that isn’t what I said we should have?” Twigleaf muttered as he took the drink. Echo had moved around the table and pulled the two pissed drunk friends off the ground and back into their seats.
“We know Twiggy, but the three of us decided that chugging appletinis means you have to turn your man card in,” Zeta answered as he picked up his shot of Jager, and prepped it for the drop.
“Speakin’ o’ which lad, we’ll be needin’ yours back,” Lycan added with a wicked grin, showing off his teeth. Twigleaf just shuddered and back down after that one. Lycan had already set him on fire once before with his magic, and it was an event Twigleaf was not hoping to repeat.
All at once, the canines, minus Twigleaf, downed their Jager-bombs. By this point, Zeta, Lycan and Echo were starting to feel a slight buzz. All three began arguing once again about who could drink the most. Twigleaf eventually had enough of the bickering before he shouted out to them, “Why don’t you guys just whip them out and measure? It’d be faster and less obnoxious.”
Grim’s ears perked up at this suggestion, even while he was still holding onto to Aoi. The Lunar Legend wasn’t looking nearly as well, though he was holding onto Grim a bit more firmly than would be necessary for him to stay standing. The three bickering canines instantly started flipping off Twigleaf, and brainstorming a new drinking challenge for the three of them.
“Hey Grim. Grim, Grim, Grim, Grim, Grim, Grim, Grim GRIM,” Aoi started rambling off, clearly more intoxicated as he has ever been. “You. You’re an, okay guy, I mean dog, I mean, guy-dog. You get a hug.” The white wolf leaned over and brought Grim into a tight embrace. Grim returned it as well, and as they started to part, the diamond dog made a move and kissed Aoi right on the mouth.
Echo, Twigleaf, Lycan, and Zeta all had their jaws drop to the floor. They couldn’t decide what was more shocking, the fact that liquid courage allowed Grim to make a move, or the fact that Aoi wasn’t really fighting it. After Grim disengaged Aoi though, it was clear why there wasn’t much of a fight. The Lunar Legend, greatest swordsman out of the Chess Pieces, lost his battle against alcohol and promptly blacked out on the floor.
“Oh no! Was that my fault?” Grim asked worriedly, turning towards the others in his panic. Zeta and Lycan went over to drag Aoi into the bathroom, while Echo went to calm the other diamond dog down.
Once he was touching Grim, as far away as he could, Echo began projecting his thoughts. “It’s ok Grim. He didn’t pass out from the kiss, but the amount of alcohol he drank.”
“But but but, I drank just as much as he did, and I’m not passed out. And you, the cynogiffin, and the red one are all fine?” Grim slurred out, holding back tears.
“It’s because we are all something you would call, Alcoholics. We can drink copious amounts of alcohol and not get sick. I promise you Aoi will be fine. And you know, a gentlemen keeps those. It’s considered good manners.” Echo answered with a grin.
Lycan and Zeta returned at this point. “So the laddie is prayin’ to the porcelain gods at the moment. He’ll be good in a bit,” Lycan announced to the group. “Would’ve thought dat him being a Lunar Wolf woulda made him a heavier drinking eh?”
Zeta just laughed. “Dude, you should’ve heard how fucked up he got at the Gala. Scootaloo kept going on and on about it for a week. Anyway, come on Echo. Let’s finish this drinking competition and and prove once and for all, I can out drink both of you.”
The three of them stood in front of the bar, where the earth pony mare Caramel Suds was working. “What can I get you boys?”
Echo slapped a great paw on both of his companions shoulders, and mentally proclaimed the drink they would all be consuming until there was only one left. Lycan and Zeta answered at the same time “Hard Rock Cider”
The mare just looked at the trio funnily, before pouring a mug for each of them. “And you might want to get ready to keep it coming. We’ll be drinking this till only one of us is left standing.” Zeta told her as he grabbed his mug.
The three canines clinked mugs and downed their drinks, slamming the mugs on the bar for a refill. Anyone who didn’t know the three would think that they all hated each other, with the glare they were giving each other. Truth be told, they wouldn’t be that far off from the truth. Lycan and Zeta, while friendly, view each other as more rivals, and Echo views both of them as assholes.
After about an hour and 6 drinks downed by each of the participants, the canines were all smashed. Just as they were reaching for the seventh drink, Aoi bursts out from the bathroom, vomit spewed across the front of his clothes.
“Whys there three of yous?” the plastered wolf asked a potted plant. “What Twiggy, too good to anshwer me?”
“Aoi, light the dick on fire if he thinks that!” Zeta called across the room, grabbing his 7th mug off the bar. Lycan gave up at this point, and headed back to the table, stumbling along the way. Echo, had already downed his 7th and was moving on to the 8th.
Both of the still competing canines were distracted by a yelp from over where Aoi was standing. Looking over, they saw the Lunar Legend puking into the tree’s stand, with Grim and Lycan trying to keep Aoi upright. Once he was done, they could hear Aoi muttering something about “Sorry Twiggy, I didn’t mean to puke on you. Wait, no you were a dickwad to me. Fuck you!”
“Come on boyo, we should get you back into the bathroom,” Lycan attempted to get out before being grabbed by Aoi and turned towards the puke filled pot.
“Lycan, light Twigleaf on fire. Zeta said to,” Aoi demanded, yanking at Lycan’s tail hoping to get flames to come out. Eventually, after being painfully wolfhandled for a couple minutes, Lycan lit the tree on fire.
“Ha, fuck you Twiggy,” Aoi barked, laughing madly for a little bit until he realized what he had done. “Oh no! I lighted Twigleaf on fire! I’m sorry Twiggy, don’t get mad at me.”
At this time, Twigleaf walked over, and tapped Aoi on the side. “It’s ok Aoi, I forgive you. Now how about you follow Grim back into the bathroom to clean you up ok?” Aoi just nodded his consent as Grim helped him back towards the bathroom, with a suspicious grin on his face.
“Yo Echo, you think we should be worried about Aoi and Grim right now?” Zeta asked, placing his 10th mug on the bar to get refilled. Echo just shook his head as he raised his 13th glass up. Lycan stumbles back towards the two to try and get the score when they hear a lot of gasps coming from the doorway.
Shoving their way through the crowd, were three Bast and a housecat sitting on one of their shoulders. “Come on guys, it’ll be nice to relax for once. I mean, how often do us felines get to hang out together?” the lead, and obviously male Bast stated. The group of them stopped dead when they saw their canine counterparts across the dance floor. “Oh shit...”
“MANGO!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!” Zeta barked at the four in front of him.
“Fuck you Zeta. We’re here to relax for once. You know how hard that is for a Bast?” ‘Mango’ Jack snapped back.
Zeta flared his wings and crouched low prepping to lunge. “Don’t care. We canines got dibs on this bar first. We even pissed on the front door to claim it,” Echo and Lycan gave a quick nod at this part, “so you’ll get one last warning to make like a tree, and get the FUCK outta here before we make you!”
Khajiit response was to flip off the pissed off winged wolf across from him. “There’s more of us than there are of you anyway, so bring it bitch!”
Zeta lunged and decked the cocky Bast straight into the crowd of ponies behind him, yelling “TWIGGY GET YOUR BUSHY ASS OUT HERE AND HELP!”
Lycan lunged towards the falling house cat named Jazz, rolling around on the floor with him, until Lycan remembered he could use magic, and simply telekinetically lifted the cat up. Echo stood face to face against Kaileena, getting ready to whoop some ass in his drunken stupor, until he realized that she was a girl. Spinning around, he yanked Lycan by his tail and pulled him over.
“Oy! What the fuck mate?” Lycan yelped out.
“A gentleman doesn’t hit a lady, and since you're an ass, you'll have no problems doing it,” was the diamond dog’s telepathic link before Echo let go and tossed Lycan into Kaileena. Now where is that fucking housecat... Echo didn’t get much past that thought as Jazz leaped onto his back and started scratching up the diamond dog.
Meanwhile, Twigleaf and Nala were just sitting at the bar, enjoying a glass of water and watching the antics of their friends.
Zeta and Mango were currently scrambling to gain dominance over their fight. Eventually Mango threw Zeta off of him and onto a table a little ways away.
“What the hell Zeta? I left you alone why are you crashing on my table?” Knightmare yelled in surprise. Celestia just started glaring at the cynogriffin, before he gave a sheepish grin and dove back at the Bast.
Lycan pulled the same tactic against Kaileena, simply entrapping her in a reddish glow. Echo managed to get Jazz off of his back and threw him on the ground. Echo simply growled at the house cat before him.
“What’s wrong dog, cat’s got your tongue?” Jazz asked with a trollish grin on his face. At least it was until Echo punted him across the room. Unfortunately, Jazz landed right smack onto Luna’s face, who had just entered into her establishment.
“WHAT ART THOU DOING!?!” the Goddess of the Moon yelled in the Royal Canterlot voice, stunning all the non-ponies in the building into a twitching pile due to their heightened hearing. In perhaps what could be described as Mango’s and Zeta’s dumbest move, they both flipped off the royal Princess and yelled “LOWER THE FUCKING VOLUME!”
Also, as if the gods decided to play another cruel joke on the poor non-ponies, Aoi and Grim choose this moment to stumble out of the bathroom. Aoi was half naked, his clothes barely hanging on around his waist, as Grim’s hair was all messy. Both had dried up vomit across their chests.
Luna strided over towards her sister, Jazz trapped in her magic, and whispered into her ear. With a curt nod by the Solar Monarch, both Royal Princesses’ horns began to glow.
“Oh fuck nuggets,” was all Mango and Zeta could say before they and all the others were knocked unconscious.
The Next Morning
“Where am I? WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES!?!?! WHY ARE YOU CUDDLING WITH ME?!?!”
That was what woke up everyone around. Aoi was freaking out, having found himself laying down a bed in a cell, with Grim cuddled up next to him, half naked. The others were all passed out on the stone floor, but after Aoi’s explosive start, began to grip their heads as their hangover began to kick their asses.
“Wakey wakey gents,” a guardspony declared, smacking the bars of the cell. The ringing would be enough to make a pony’s hangover spike in pain, but for those of heightened hearing like those in the cage, it was brutal. “So I hear you dogs had a rough night.”
“Nah mate, the night was bloody awesome, it’s the morning that’s kicking my arse,” Lycan said, with a pained grin across his face.
The guard opened the cell and allowed them to leave. As they were trudging down the hallway, Aoi was the first to ask the question on everyone’s mind, “What the hell happened last night?”
“I have no idea, I forget everything that happened a little after we dragged your ass into the bathroom,” Zeta grumbled out.
“I know exactly what happened. I was sober the entire time!” Twigleaf declared in a loud voice, taking pleasure in the discomfort it caused his “friends.”
“So you going to tell us?” Grim asked, still looking at Aoi from behind.
“Fuck no I’m not. I’ll be holding this over your heads for as long as I can,” Twigleaf responds with a smug grin plastered across his wooden maw. “Consider it payback for dragging me there.”
Once the pack reached the door, they were greated by a familiar, if annoying, face. “So boys, Celly sent me here to give you all a warning. If you EVER fuck up Luna’s club again, you’ll all be banished to the...wait for it” the over excitable changeling takes a big breath, “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN!!!!”
Echo flips off the changelings, cringing under the loud yelling he produced. Zeta takes the more vocal path, “Thanks Knight, glad to know you’ve got our backs, asshole.”
Before anyone can stop him, Knightmare gets a devious grin on his face. “Ok guys, just one last thing,” the anthromorph begins. “Who let the dogs out?”
The facepaw from the entire pack made has since gone down in history as the loudest recorded noise known in Equestria. Zeta leans over to the others, “Would it be worth going back to prison for murdering Knightmare after that one?” The rest of the pack, including Twigleaf, give a curt nod before they begin to surround Knightmare.
THE END