//------------------------------// // eighteen. she. recoded. // Story: he. she. we. // by Shinzakura //------------------------------// I set the PS4 controller down and look at the eager developer faces before me. “Does anyone have an Atari 2600 joystick?” I ask in my sweetest voice. I barely know what one is – I saw a picture of it once and from a conversation that North and I had, apparently it was one of the earliest videogame systems. The name is, from what I gather, synonymous with near-hagiographic respect and, conversely, bottom-barrel scum feeding. From what I gather, the graphics of one of those games would probably pass as cutting-edge in Equestria. A girl who appears younger than my (supposed) age adjusts her glasses and runs her hand through dyed-green hair. Between that and her hazel eyes, I’d swear she looks like someone made a human analog of one of the ponies I knew as if they were making a high-school spin off of a toy line or something. She then asks me, “Um…what’s an Atari?” I resist the temptation to look over the rim of my glasses (as that would reveal my real eyes) and instead say to Ben Sandoval, “I see your crew isn’t versed in the classics.” Not that I am either – yay for hypocrisy! – but a person like me is supposed to, so I make a mental note to go hunt one down off of EBay first chance I get. Ben looks at me through that salt-and-pepper hair of his and rubs his bearded chin; in the few days that I’ve known him so far, I have noticed that is very much a nervous tic of his. As BurnStrike, he was one of the very first e-sports guys, and even though he’s retired from that now, as CEO of Renaissance, he’s trying his best to have his team put out an impossible task. “No, but I’m surprised you do. People your age typically think of the NES as the first system.” “Well, I like to be a well-rounded gal,” I point out, using my best disarming smile before I lay out the truth to them. “In any case, your controls aren’t. They feel, well, sticky. Like the controller drivers aren’t programmed correctly, or like you dipped the controller in glue this morning.” One of the guys in the back looks at me with a mixture of embarrassment and disappointment. “Uh, it’s, um…it’s a custom driver,” he says haltingly. I then explain that it makes the game handle like a slog and that’s on the PS controller. On the XBox one, it’s even worse and I want to beat the controller to death. And don’t even get me started on the PC layout. Glad I’m not on that team, but I swear I think the guy who’s doing the testing for that is probably going to need some hot chocolate, a teddy bear and hugs from a dozen of the cutest mares available. “So you’re saying….” I nod. “Yes. People write standard drivers because they’re standard,” I tell the guy in the nicest possible voice I can. “If you get creative when it comes to that, it can either work or it can go south real fast.” I don’t bother to mention which one it is; I hope he’s smart enough to figure that out. “Oh, so I just need to spend more time refining the layout, right?” he blurts and it takes me every bit of my willpower not to facepalm. Likewise, I don’t think North would like it much if I teleported this guy to Antarctica, though I’m sorely tempted. Thankfully Ben sees my frustration and tells his crew, “Okay, you’ve heard the lady’s suggestions, folks. Let’s get back to work and make the magic happen. Project Anataeus isn’t going to make itself, you know!” As his team filed out and back towards their desks, Ben looks at me and says, “We gotta talk during lunch.” During lunch at a nice place in Pomona, Ben looks at me with despair. “So, Moon, tell me exactly how screwed I am.” “Ben….” “No, seriously. I know these guys aren’t the best, but Renaissance has been a big dream of mine ever since I left the circuit. If it wasn’t for the fact that I was a good enough gamer, I would have probably gone straight into dev from the get-go. But it’s clear that I’m not really the boss type, and I’m honestly afraid that this game is going to put my studio out of business before it even gets out.” That was not what I wanted to hear. I mean, I don’t think he’s trying to pitch me to go in as an investor – I really wouldn’t anyway, because I don’t have the means, not to mention the fact that I’m not a princess anymore, so patronage is not in the cards for me. And I certainly wouldn’t ask North; while he probably would, I wouldn’t use my significant other like that. Plus, I don’t know how investing works here, but given what little I do know, it’s not a business that I would like to be in, in any case. “How bad is it?” “We’re down to the last couple million, and while that should cover payroll and other expenses…after that, we’re on fumes. Worse, Bethesda is going to want to see results. I got a call from one of their execs and they want to arrange to see a demo next week. They really want to put it on display for Pacific War and I don’t think we’ll even have an alpha complete by then.” “What about a demo reel?” I ask. But he shakes his head. “We did that at EuroStorm three months ago. Plus, Adrianne told Bethesda that we were farther along than she thought we were.” Not what I wanted to hear, especially since that means if this goes south, I’ll be out of a job. Not that I’d be starving in the streets, mind you, but an ex-goddess has to have her hobbies, right? Still, in the past few weeks that I’ve worked with Ben and his crew, they’re some pretty dedicated folks. Granted, they aren’t the greatest of programmers, but they’re all new and I’m fairly sure that no one is alicorn-perfect at their first job. Hell, some alicorns aren’t alicorn-perfect at their first job. I’m proof enough of that. But I’ve been in this world for a couple of years now and I’ve already figured out that things aren’t like they were back in Equestria. A song and a dance doesn’t save the day and people expect results, and those that can’t provide them are pretty much ground up between the metaphorical millstones. “Do you have a backup plan?” He leans back in his chair, and his slumped posture tells me all I need to know. “There’s a Chinese company that’s been throwing some serious money at videogame devs. They recently made a heavy investment in Stickshift Arts and outright bought Bottomless Pit Studios.” I can hear the distaste in his voice as he says that, and I don’t blame him. Stickshift, if I recall, was started by his former business partner turned bitter rival; and Bottomless Pit was made by a guy in the industry who’s known for selling out the moment big companies come calling. For a dedicated boss like Ben, neither of those are good signs. “You don’t think you’ll be able to stay independent?” “Not really. At this point, my choices are: find a buyer for Project Anataeus and focus on the other game we’re working on for Sega; hope that Bethesda will give us more time and more money and let us finish it; or go under. If I do the first, I’ll be losing out on a dream project I’ve had in my mind since I was a kid. No way in hell is the second going to happen, and I care about these folks too much to let the third occur.” He shakes his head as if in disbelief and adds, “You know, as fucked as things are for me, I hope you’re paying attention, Moon.” “Why’s that?” He leans forward on the table. “First off, no offense intended at all.” With a statement like that, it’s clear what he says is definitely going to offend. “But you’re young and cute. I don’t know your age, but my guess is mid-twenties—” “Twenty-five, not that it should matter, right?” I say coolly. “Yeah, I agree, and you know that, but it does. Look at CandyPanther. She’s in her late thirties, and in my opinion, she’s one of the best of my generation of stick drivers out there. But her YouTube channel is losing viewers, and why? Because some asshole noticed a gray hair on her head and started some ‘I ain’t here to look at Grandma’ shit on her channel. Now, she’s considering closing her channel and accepting a managerial job with EA, because someone called her old. She’s not old, and in my opinion she’s still hot—” “Professional opinion?” I tease. To his credit, he blushes. “Kate and I used to date when we were both in the stickdriving scene. It didn’t work out between us, but we’re still friends, needless to say. In any case, gamers can be hypocritical, and for all the guys with gray hair out there who still can push in the industry, the age of a girl out there who can do so have shelf lives shorter than fresh milk. You’re going to have to think about what to do with your future, because you don’t have much time left.” I open my mouth to protest, but I already know what he’s going to say. “And don’t give me that bit about Senior Critizen or Grandma Doom. You know as well as I do that they’re anomalies and they get by on their ‘uniqueness’. But two aged women players are just that – unique. A dozen of them aren’t. And unless there’s a sea change – and you know as well as I do there isn’t going to be one – things are going to stay the same. You know that Babes in Joyland are shutting down, right?” That catches me off-guard. The Babes are a Canada-based group, and most of them younger than we Vixens. “No, I wasn’t aware of that.” “Yeah. One of my guys follows them and apparently they put up on their website that Pacific War is going to be their last hurrah. They’re all getting older, thinking about their futures and what to do.” “But they’re younger than me!” I tell him, and that’s certainly true – but then again, everyone on this planet is younger than me. “You might want to talk to them and find out why. Hell, your whole team might want to.” He looks at me, and the look is both sympathetic and worrisome. “If I had my way, it wouldn’t be an issue. I’ve seen your skills out there – there’s a reason why I wanted you as an advisor for our game. But the world barely remembers BurnStrike in the e-sports realm. A decade from now? The name Nightmare Moon won’t mean a thing, either.” A few hours later, I’m at Trader Joe’s, doing the grocery shopping for dinner, but the truth is…my mind is still on Ben’s words. He’s putting on a brave face for his folks and that’s commendable, but it makes me think about what to do about the Vixens. As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right: humans don’t live forever. They get older and the majority of them slow down, become less skillful, and come off their prime in whatever they do. Then I think about my boyfriend and try to picture that…. I suddenly feel like the moment I was torn apart by the Elements. I don’t want to even think about North getting old, much less…. I feel myself shudder and I know it’s not just because I walked past the frozen foods section. This is my home now, and even if I had the chance to go back to Equestria, I don’t think I ever would. But how much of a home would it be without the man I love? I’m not the Nightmare. I refuse to let what happened to Luna darken my world. This world wouldn’t survive that and wouldn’t have a way to stop me if it did – but that’s not the point. I am not Luna. I will not let her choices color mine. Then I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist. I know they’re not North’s. And without even turning around, I say aloud, “Jake, take your hands off me or I swear I will shove you in the lobster tank.” He does so, then moves to look at me with that supposedly charming smile of his. “That’s nice of you and all, but I don’t think I’d fit.” “Trust me, I’m sure I can arrange that,” I tell him. Jake Lopez is one of those examples that prove that you love someone despite their foibles. And no, I’m not talking about him – I’m talking about North. This is North’s best friend despite the fact that Jake is a sanctimonious jerk who seems hellbent on trying to smooth talk his way into getting into my pants since we met two weeks ago. North insists that he doesn’t mean anything by it, but I know my beau enough to know when he’s lying through his teeth – and besides, I very much know Jake means every bit of it. He looks at my shopping cart. “You know, you don’t have to go shopping,” he says. “I know this great seafood restaurant in Corona Del Mar. Nice, cozy, perfect for candlelight dinners and soft quiet moments—” “Sure, send me the Yelp link,” I tell him blandly. “I’m sure North and I would love to check it out.” “Or maybe you and I could, and North can go with that blonde friend of yours.” I try my hardest not to reach over and punch him into the next timezone. Somehow he’s already figured out that Arturia has the hots for North, even though I know she won’t do anything untoward. Not just because she’s my supposed bodyguard, but because she’s also my friend as well. But this jerk strikes me as the kind of guy who would try to make that sort of deal with her if she didn’t have the scruples. North, dear, I love you but you have shitty taste in male friends. Doing my best to ignore him, I head over to the wine racks and of course Jake follows, pausing only to look at some wines he’s not interested in only because the cashier is watching him and the last thing he wants is to get tossed out of the store for harassing the customers. “So, heard you were talking with Ben Sandoval of Renaissance Studios, right?” That catches my attention. “You know him?” For a strange surprise, the look on Jake’s face becomes serious. “Yeah. He came by earlier today for a medical exam. Guy’s got the world on his shoulders and he’s pretty chatty. I used to be into games myself when I was a teenager, so I remember him from his BurnStrike days. We did some talking and at some point your name came up.” That is not good. “I can’t discuss business, I’m afraid.” “It wasn’t about business. For some reason, that guy is worried about you, Moon. Maybe because he sees himself in you – man whose gaming career was cut short because of…well, I’m afraid I can’t talk about that.” Well, what do you know – Jake actually has some scruples. Will wonders never cease? Unaware of my train of thought, he continues on. “In any case, it’s clear that he thinks highly of you. Not that I blame him; you’re a real doll.” “Yeah, and this isn’t the 1940s, Romeo,” I remind him. “You’re right, it’s not – you’re not the kind of woman that would fall back on the happy housewife routine, so you should listen to what he says. Guy’s got a good head on his shoulders, and while I don’t know the full details of what he told you, I’m sure it was enough to make you think about a life beyond Dualshocks and Razer mice.” I hate to say it, but…he’s right. I hate him even more for that now. I get home and am just about to teleport everything into the house, when I see a familiar car parked by the curb next to the house. Crap, I completely forgot that Don and Tae were joining us for dinner tonight! I’ve been so busy the past couple of days, that I’d completely forgotten about that. Sometimes I wonder if I’d forget about my horn if it wasn’t attached. Pulling into the garage and parking, I decide to just grab the groceries and head into the house. It’d be so much easier to carry everything in my magic field, but then I’d have to explain that, and then while I’m at it that I’m an inhuman goddess from another dimension who really likes In-N-Out, really spicy enchiladas and the occasional backrub. Hey, at least I’d be no stranger than Tae, right? I mean, she’s foreign, too! …yeah, that probably wouldn’t work. Fortunately, as I open the door leading to the house, North is there with a smile and a kiss. “Wasn’t sure how long you were going to take and they got here earlier than expected,” he tells me with a slight apology, “so I figured I’d just take care of dinner anyway.” “You’re a sweetheart, you know that?” I tell him as I snake one of my arms around him and give him a return kiss. “You’re a treasure, you know that?” “Just keep thinking that,” he tells me with that smile I know is just for me. Have I mentioned just how much I love this guy? I then go off to go meet North’s brother and his wife. Don’s a banker and financial specialist – North often jokes that his brother’s probably adopted, because no one else in the family knows how to use money to save their lives. Tae’s a teacher; I’m somewhat impressed by that, given that Luna was always interested in education and the arts, and I got that from her. They’re wonderful people and even if I wasn’t tied to North I think I’d be glad to know them both as individuals. To my personal pleasure, he’s made his mother’s enchilada recipe (though Don teases him that they’re nowhere near as good, but I strongly disagree) and we sit around and chat at the table for a while. Personally, I think Don actually likes North’s treatment of their mother’s recipe, but he doesn’t want to admit it. I get a bit of a personal validation there when Tae starts teasing her husband about how she can make better enchiladas than he can – and she comes from a culture where things like that aren’t common! I watch with a bit of absent glee as husband and wife playfully bicker over who is the better cook at their own home, and it reminds me of all the debates I have with North over this issue. We all know who the better chef is anyway. After that, we all decide to watch a movie on Netflix, but truth be told, I’m really not that interested, because I still have the conversations that I’d had earlier with Ben and Jake on my mind. Even a glass or two of my favorite cabernet and watching some vapid Hollywood celebs on the screen make idiots of themselves (this is a comedy, but a really bad one, truth be told). It doesn’t help any that this is a comedy about a bunch of software developers trying to make it big while worrying about the pitfalls and trials of the business world. And the starlet whose name I can’t recall is playing a “former e-sports pro trying to go legit” – as if what I do for a living isn’t a real job. If they think cyberathlete isn’t a real job, I wonder what they would have made of my former jobs? Former princess, goddess and warlord – those aren’t exactly jobs that come with a resume, after all. “So, want to tell me what’s wrong?” North asks me after Don and Tae leave and I shrink back to my normal form. “That obvious?” I ask him as my clothing vanish off me and I ruffle my wings. I can already feel a couple of primaries are loose and I’m going to need to preen fairly soon. Maybe I can North to do that for me? The thought makes me blush. He looks at me and adds, “Do I even want to know?” “Sorry, my mind sidetracked for a second,” I tell him. I then go into my conversation with both Ben and Jake – and my surprise that Jake was actually being almost a normal member of the human race – and the thoughts it left me with. “You seem pretty thoughtful about this. I thought you didn’t have to worry about those sorts of things.” “An alicorn might not,” I remind him, “but your very human girlfriend certainly has to.” “True, true. So what do you intend to do about it? I know you like gaming and I couldn’t take that away from you even if I wanted to, not that I do. “Honestly, I don’t know. The sad part is, the Vixens, as much as I love being with them, have a short shelf life. They might not be mentioning it, but I can’t be the only one thinking about this.” As I mention that to him, I also think about Katie and Pumpkin. They’re fellow Vixens and two of my closest friends and so would be impacted as well. Granted, Arturia has her ostensible day job, but the rest of us have to slave away in front of our consoles, le sigh. “Well, why don’t you talk to them tomorrow about it? You have a meeting tomorrow with the Vixens to prep for Pacific War, right? Why not mention it to them at that time?” I…hadn’t thought of that, to be honest. I guess my mind is going very human nowadays; so much from the omnipotent and omniscient angle of a goddess. But then again, I kind of like living this way, day to day. I can’t see how Celestia manages to live above everypony else like…well, like some god on Mt. Olympus. I hope Luna learned from our shared experience and lives a more normal lifestyle. It’s hard to see the problems of the common folk when you’re so far removed from them that they mean nothing to you, after all. “That’s a great idea, North. Thanks.” He reaches down and kisses me on the muzzle. “I’ll do whatever I can to help you, hon.” “I don’t want to tap into your money, dear,” I tell him. “I’m not with you for that, and I want to do whatever it is on my own.” Besides, I can guarantee that if I ask him for help, I’m sure Jake will want to assist as well, and owing him a favor just makes my skin crawl. “Well, I do have other avenues besides just my money, you know. Like a brother that’s a banker and investment specialist and could give some advice on how to start a business?” It’s moments like this that I have to remind myself that I’m an immortal alicorn goddess, because otherwise I would seriously worry I would have picked up the human penchant for foot in mouth. I’m not even sure that’s possible for my species. Our practice sessions and meetings at the Electric Planet are like so many other meetings we have here: over pizza, Chinese takeout tacos from Frederico’s down the street and beers from the brewpub in the other direction, we girls laugh, have fun, pubstomp each other in PVP and sign the occasional autograph or two from arcade visitors that recognize us. Today’s, though, is a little different. As the girls and I sit down at the table in the party room on the second floor, I go over everything with them. As the oldest on the team – both in literal and supposed terms – as well as vice captain, I have to look out for them and in turn they trust me to play den mother. So after a while, Caballero looks at me and asks, “So…does that mean that you’re serious about this?” I can see the look in her eyes and I’m reminded that while we all tend to look at Cab as some bottle-blonde former Afghani girl who moved to Cali and went native in the hardest way possible, she’s much smarter than many give her credit for. Of course, given that she prefers her screen name to her actual name (Shagufta, if I recall correctly), I’m not one to talk about that, either. Plus, Cab’s an artist in her spare time. A very good one, I might add. Although I was the one who did the original cartoonish version of my alicorn form on my leather jacket, she came up with some very awesome variants and I bought the designs from her so I could sell some of them online for some of my fans. I think it’s worked out pretty well for us. “Yeah, I’m serious, Cab. You interested?” She nods eagerly. “Hell yeah! Count me in!” I then look at Katie and Pumpkin. “What about you two?” Katie looks at me first. We’d already spoken an hour beforehand, and truth be told, given her extra training as a changeling queen, I’m more than sure that HIVE would welcome the change, if for no other reason than it would limit her public exposure. I still don’t get that despite the fact that I’ve personally guaranteed that she wouldn’t harm anyone, but maybe that’s entirely Molloy’s fault. I’ve met some other HIVE bigwigs and they seem more reasonable, so it’s possible that upcoming meeting with the HIVE brass while I’m in Hawaii will prove fruitful. “Sure, I’m up for it,” she tells me. “I’m not exactly a creative type, but I know businesses need more than just artists and codemonkeys, right? Plus, I can’t stay with the Vixens forever, as much as I’d like to.” Pumpkin, however, looks at me and says, “Well, as much as I appreciate the offer, Moon, Diego and I have been talking and…well, I’m probably going to take over as the manager of the Vixens.” I blink; Pumpkin hadn’t mentioned that to me before. I then look at Diego Sanchez, the owner of the Electric Planet; he’s also technically the owner of the Vixens and the primary sponsor. He’s a great guy to know and a lot of the success of the Vixens is purely due to his desire to have a marquee way of showing off his barcade. Since he’s the owner of the team, he’s also involved in many of the decisions, though obviously in the end he defers to those who are actually slinging the sticks around. He takes a drink of his beer and looks at me. “Well, the fact is, with Round 1 and D&B’s looking at building their own places in the area, I need to focus a bit more on the Planet, which means less time for the Vixens. Since I don’t plan to drop them, I went with the idea of hiring a manager instead, and given that Pumpkin has both experience with the Vixens and the Jills before us, she’s the best person for the job.” He then leans back in his chair and adds, “Ultimately, my plan is to buy this building and use it as the flagship for a series of stores. There’s also a place in Covina and another in Ontario that I’m looking at.” He then leans forward and said, “Problem is, you’ll note that even with the size of the building, expanding the Planet is only going to take up only half of the floors in the building at most. Which means that I’d need a business partner to help pay for it. Especially one that seems to be interested in taking some of our stick drivers as they, ahem, ‘age out’ of the business and need to look for new lines of work?” Pumpkin looks at him and adds, “It means, of course, that we’ll have to look at future Vixens for more than just the ability to game. Means they’ll have to understand things on a level that most gamers wouldn’t and they’ll also have to have a skill that would be transferrable to Moon’s project should they be interested in such a move. That’s going to be a tall order, but I think we can do it.” By the end of the meeting, we have a plan, and truth be told, somewhat of a melancholy one: After Pacific War, me, Katie, Cab, Troublemaker and Broka-Cola will be announcing our retirements from the scene in order to work on this new venture. Pumpkin will also step down so she can start taking over as manager of the Vixens. Ultimately, Frisbee will take over as team captain for the Vixens, while H3XKiTTEN and NopeScope will take over as vice captains. It’s going to take about a year to set everything up, which also means a year to make the successful transition. Likewise, it’ll take time for me to set up the new business and get the top three floors of the building refurbished to accommodate the new company’s needs. As to what I’ll call it? What else? Black Alicorn Entertainment. And as to the particular project…. Well, that was an interesting month of my life, and given that I can run without sleep, multitask on a level that would outdo any Fortune 500 CEO and have organizational tasks better than the output of most countries, that’s saying a lot. But as I look at the final signed contract with my name on it, I have to admit, it was worth it. “Are you sure about this, Ben?” I ask him as I pass him both a pen and the contract I’ve just signed. My group and I are at Renaissance’s offices and we’re on the verge of something special. Thanks to some help from Don (and some needling by North), they both got me investment contacts and a first round of funding – all set up so Black Alicorn could remain independent and not have to take the unfortunate route that Renaissance is. Brooke knows some folks over at Bungie, so we’ll be able to talk to them without stepping on their metaphorical shoes, and Sharon interned briefly at Blizzard, so she knows a few devs who might want to wander our way after their contracts are up there. Along with a very useful couple of contacts from North and Cherry, we have some non-dev manager types that might be able to prevent us from looking like complete, well, “gamers” while on stage. Finally, thanks to Arturia, we have a HIVE-friendly lawyer who was willing to act as my business attorney (though he freaked slightly at writing contracts for “Princess Luna” at first) and we’re all set. Once Ben signs, Black Alicorn will be taking over ownership of the Project Anataeus IP, as well as all the assets and code that Renaissance developed. In return, they’ll continue to develop the game on the backburner for us while we finish setting things up and once we take over, Renaissance will be entitled to a small amount of the portions for the first game and they’ll also develop the first DLC for us as well. This will, in turn, allow Ben’s folks to focus a lot more on the games they have on their plate already and will let Anataeus sit on the back burner and not be as much of a financial drain on them. It will allow Renaissance a chance to survive and let Ben’s dream project get the wings it deserves instead of just crashing and burning and taking the company with it. At the same time, though, I feel bad about taking Anateus from him. Granted, I’ve got some ideas and after looking over the assets and pre-production art, Cab’s got more than a few ideas as well. But this is his brainchild and I still want him to have some input after it becomes ours. Probably more than anyone else in this world, I know what it’s like when your world – your life – feels ripped away from you and you’re forced to be on the outside looking in. It’s taken me a long time to stop being Princess Luna/Nightmare Moon and to just be Moon. And, probably too long to stop being Moon and just be Moon De Lune. Maybe Celestia and her daughter took things from me when I was split from Luna, but in the end, I probably gained more than I lost. Still, I wouldn’t want that on anyone, even if they wouldn’t take the same particular path that I did. Ben looks at me and smiles. “I know my dream will be safe in your hands, Moon,” he tells me. “As funny as it sounds, something about you…. Well, it’s just something about you that seems to say that dreams are safe when they’re with you.” Who says humans don’t have the capability for intuition? A few more signatures, some copies here and there and with that, Anateus is mine. The future is mine and more and more of who I used to be fades into the past. I’ll never stop being an alicorn – hard not to be what you are, physically speaking – but this just makes me take one more step towards humanity and towards the woman I am instead of the mare I was. I feel a swelling in my heart and I know it’s pride and accomplishment and it’s nothing I would ever give up. And right about then is when I hear the blare of sirens and from the fourth floor of the building that Renaissance is in, we look across Greenleaf Avenue at the parking garage… …which is currently aflame – and where mine and Cab’s cars are currently parked.