It was a glorious summery day and I was thoroughly enjoying the walk through Ponyville. I glanced at my bodyguard who was wearing her usual dark glasses and fanning herself with her recently enlarged wings. I smirked and said, “Penny, when I said that I could use some shade, I didn’t mean for you to do so for the entire town!”
She tipped her spectacles down and gave me a flat look. “You’re just envious that your featherdusters don’t work as well as mine. Add to that being a male with a tiny set of wings and I can see how that would make you... anxious.” She patted me reassuringly with an oversize wing. “Don't worry. I'm sure your performance is still just as moderately acceptable as it ever wasn't.”
I smirked. She had left me an opening to get her back. “I didn't realize you thought of me that way, Penny.”
Her smile was unchanged. “All mares think of all stallions ‘that way’. I just think about you...” She glanced at my wings. “... proportionately less often.”
I rolled my eyes. No she hadn't. I chuckled and we continued on our way, greeting friends as we went.
One big advantage that Twilight had while trying to build her school, attend to royal duties, and be a new mother all at the same time was that the new educational facilities were built right next to her castle in Ponyville. Thus, she only needed to teleport to Canterlot for a few four-hour sessions during the week and the rest of the time she could work out of her everyday office.
I got to see the progress being made each time I visited the little township and I was quite impressed. The local craftsponies had done a wonderful job, and I could see Rarity’s hoof in the décor. Earth ponies were currently ensuring that the new gardens would be fully established and ready for the grand opening.
One of Twilight’s biggest tasks was recruiting teachers for the new school. Although the focus would be on friendship-themed classes, of course it had to provide lessons on all the normal subjects as required by the Equestria Education Association, which I admit made a lot of sense. The trick was to hire educators who not only knew their respective subjects whether it was mathematics, magic theory, Equish, or history but were capable of teaching them in a way that all species could appreciate and to foster the spirit of cooperation among their pupils. The Element Bearers volunteered to donate some of their time to friendship-specific classes that focused on their particular virtues. Naturally, this would only be an hour or so each day because they all had their own regular jobs. Applejack, in particular, would have to fit it into her very busy schedule. It was a good thing that the farm mare liked hard work. I think Fluttershy would have it easiest because she could bring some of her beloved animals along as examples for her classes.
Two days before the school was due to open, Twilight asked me to come to her office. When I got there, the mare was fairly dancing on her hooves with excitement.
“Guess what?!” she said the moment I poked my head in the door of her office.
“You’ve been voted most photogenic changeling queen,” I shot back.
She paused and blinked before sticking her tongue out at me. “Don’t be silly! I didn’t even make the finals.”
We shared a chuckle before she continued.
“Silliness aside, I just got some great news. Dragon Lord Ember just confirmed that she will be sending a young dragoness to take part in the school program.”
“Awesome! I know you’ve been trying hard to convince her to include a dragon student.”
“It’s actually Spike who finally persuaded Ember. I think she felt she was doing a favor for a friend.”
“Your little brother deserves a lot of credit for all he’s done to support you, but I don’t think that’s why you asked me to come here today.”
Twilight nodded and sat down behind her desk, her expression grew a little more businesslike. “I want to steal Starlight Glimmer from you.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Come again?”
Twilight sighed. “As much as I want to be hooves-on with my school, I know that I won’t have the time to spare to do it full-time. Therefore, I need an assistant headmare to take my place when I can’t be available. As my star friendship pupil, Starlight is a prime candidate, and because she has proven her organizational skills as your advisor, that makes her the perfect pony for the job.”
“I see. And what am I supposed to do for a replacement? Starlight was there at exactly the right time because I had no other good options then. Still don’t.”
“There are plenty of competent public servants—”
“Who won’t be suitable,” I interrupted. “Otherwise, you could recruit one of them as headmare. You and I both know from personal experience that the job requires something extra.”
Twilight nodded glumly. “I know, but that’s exactly why I need her. How about one of Thorax’s evolved drones? I know that there are several applying for positions in Canterlot.”
“What experience do they have? This isn’t exactly an entry-level job, y’know?”
“Good point.” Then she brightened. “I know! How about Sunburst? He’s an excellent researcher and a meticulous record keeper.”
I frowned. “I thought you wanted him as a teacher?”
“I do, but I need a headmare more.”
“How do you think he’d feel about the position? And besides, while his duties as Royal Crystaller have lightened, they haven’t gone away. If he’s in Canterlot all the time, he would not be able to fulfill that obligation. And that’s not even considering his own personal desires.”
The alicorn held up her forehooves and shrugged. “What else can I do? None of our friends can spare the time to do the job, and I’d run myself ragged if I tried to do everything myself.”
I gave the issue a bit of thought before replying. “As I see it, as Princess of Friendship, this school is a major part of your responsibility to Equestria. Therefore, shifting more of your time to it is the best thing to do for now. Trixie and I can handle the majority of the work back at Canterlot, although you could schedule meetings with us when major decisions requiring all three of us have to be made. Once we have a better feel of how everything is working out, we can revisit your idea. Also, if you find an outstanding candidate, you can ask an evolved changeling to shadow Moony, Glimmy, and Inky as they do their jobs.”
“So, no Starlight?”
I shook my head. “Nope. Not yet, at least. Besides, we still need to find out Starlight’s thoughts on the matter.”
“Not even if I offered Moon Dancer’s services?”
“Not fair to Moony. It’d take time away from researching which is her real love.”
Twilight sighed. “Okay, we’ll do it your way.”
“Cheer up, Twi,” I said with a grin. “Look at it this way – Trixie and I were running the country pretty well by ourselves before you joined us. The nation won’t fall apart just because you can’t devote your entire day to the Royal Court.”
The mare smirked. “We might still have Empress Trixie if I hadn’t challenged her. And she might never have decided to marry you either.”
“Maybe. We’ll never know for sure, will we? Even after seeing all those alternate worlds and the multitude of different histories, we can’t be certain. And frankly, I prefer it that way. Predictability is boring.”
“Exactly what I always say!” boomed Discord from the chair beside me that definitely had been empty a moment ago.
“If you always say that, doesn’t it make it predictable?” I pointed out.
He opened his mouth to reply, paused a moment to think about it, then shrugged. “Never mind. I’ve come to apply for the job?”
“As my advisor or headmare of the school?” I asked, aghast at the possibility of either.
“Yes,” he replied without clarification.
“No,” I replied.
“I’m afraid not,” Twilight replied more diplomatically. “While I’d like it if you were to come to a class and talk about your own journey to friendship, I regret that your nature is diametrically opposed to what we need in a headmare.”
Discord snorted and turned to me, abruptly transforming into a bearded unicorn wearing spectacles, white shirt, red tie, and black suit-coat. “Don’t discount me as a top-class advisor. After all, I ruled Equestria for several years by myself.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, until Celestia and Luna turned you into a statue. That’s called ‘a negative performance review’. Besides, I think there have been a few policy changes since then.”
“Everyone’s a critic,” he complained, his spectacles turning into spring-mounted googly eyes and his clothes into a clown’s outfit.
“Don’t worry, Discord – you still get to DM the next O&O session. I think that there are plenty of opportunities to show us what you can do then.”
He switched back to normal draconequus form but dressed in a thick robe with a hood that left his face in deep shadow. “You better believe it, O warrior maiden!” his voice came sepulchrally from the depths of the cowl. Then he disappeared in a flash.
“Warrior maiden?” Twilight asked with an eyebrow raised.
I shrugged. “It seems I can’t even play a role-playing game without being transformed into a mare,” I confessed.
The alicorn chuckled. “You have the strangest problems, Mark.”
“Don’t I know it!” I replied with a long-suffering sigh.
The long-awaited day had finally arrived and the School of Friendship opened with a lot of fanfare. I had never seen so many species gathered in one place before and, amazingly, with a minimum of fuss. I supposed that because all the students’ parents were open to the idea of a mixed-species institution that they were more tolerant of other races but even so, it was pretty cool. The students certainly seemed enthusiastic. Kids are so much more adaptable than grown-ups though.
Because Twilight wanted to maximize the exposure of each student to other species, when there were two or more of that kind or pony tribe, they were placed in separate classes and with a roommate from a different species. A last-minute admission was a single batpony colt. Apparently, it had taken that long to convince his parents that living on a daylight schedule would not be a problem for him. Twilight also kept the class size down to a minimum so that the teachers could spend more time with each student, especially those who might be having more difficulty than others. This way, the first year students were divided into three groups which seemed like a manageable start.
Trixie and I hung around only a little while after the first classes began as we needed to return to Canterlot. Royal duties awaited us and we were sure that Twilight would give us a full appraisal later about how the first day transpired, complete with the obligatory graphs and pages of supplemental material. However, when Twilight joined us for dinner that evening, she was a little more subdued than we expected.
“Anything wrong, Twi?” I asked.
“Umm… teething problems, I figure. Most of the standard lessons are proceeding as expected, but our friends have been complaining about the restrictions put on them for the friendship lessons.”
“Why are you restricting them if they’re the whole point of the school?” Trixie asked before I could do the same.
“Because the procedures of what we can and cannot do are strictly mandated by the E.E.A. rules. I structured the lessons around them and it’s up to us to make them work.”
I was afraid of this. I saw that dilemma coming from a mile away but I’d hoped that Twilight would find workarounds to get past these problems. Instead, it would seem that she had embraced the rules to the letter. Sometimes, I forget how much of a stickler for tradition she could be.
“What do you intend to do if you can’t make them work under the E.E.A. regulations?”
“But we must! Otherwise, the school will lose its accreditation.”
“Wishful thinking isn’t a plan, Sparkles.”
Twilight shook her head. “Friendships have grown in schools across Equestria for centuries under the E.E.A guidelines. Just because my school has gone one step further doesn’t mean that we can’t do the same.”
Well, it seemed she was determined to stay the course, so it was time to butt out and let this situation play out a little longer. I looked at my wife and she nodded in silent accord.
“The Great and Helpful Trixie and Stark Shells have faith in you, but we will be available if you need help.”
“Thanks, Trixie. You too, Mark. But don’t worry – I got this.”
Twilight arrived in the throne room with the usual flash of teleportation, badly startling the noble who was currently petitioning me for a tax break for a new factory that he wanted to set up to produce aluminum. I was not opposed to the idea, but knowing how polluting the process could be, I was not about to grant it without some very big strings attached. This was one world I would not allow to be despoiled by greed if it was within my power to prevent it.
All thoughts about the deal went out the window when I saw that the alicorn was crying. “Baron Glomgold – I will pass on your proposal to my analysts and get back to you soon. Court is adjourned!” I stepped down from the throne to embrace Twilight and she cried on my shoulder as the Royal Guards chivvied everypony out of the room.
When we were alone, relatively speaking – Penny and at least two Guards still remained, I asked my friend what was distressing her.
She sniffled and replied, “Chancellor Neighsay has canceled our accreditation and shut down the school!”
“What brought this on?” I asked gently.
“We were having an open day for parents to show what progress we had been making for the first week. Chancellor Neighsay was present to assess the school’s operations too. It was in the middle of the meeting when six students who should have been in class arrived unexpectedly. The fact that they were being truant was bad enough but one of them was Ocellus, a changeling, and she had been showing off a scary monster form to her friends. Now, I realize that they must have forgotten about the open day because they just barged in and caused chaos. By the time the situation was sorted out, the damage was done. Neighsay was appalled by all our failings from absentee students to the lack of discipline. He also scoffed at the idea that other races could live in harmony with ponies even though I pointed out there had been a community of griffons living in Canterlot for centuries, not to mention the village in the Smokey Mountains. And we’ve been trading with the minotaurs for years. But he would have none of that.” She continued to detail the incident for another minute and I think she would have said more but she had to pause to pant for breath. I felt it time to interject.
“What do you intend to do about it?”
“There’s nothing I can do!” she wailed. “Without accreditation, the school cannot reopen.”
“That’s what you think. We have a visit to make, Sparkles.”
She screwed up her face in puzzlement. “What? Where to?”
“The E.E.A., of course.”
She wiped the tears from her cheeks although they were still sodden from the soaking they had gotten. “What is that going to achieve? Neighsay has made his decision.”
“It’s time to drag them into the Twelfth Century*.” (*Since unification)
“Ah… okay. If you say so.”
I had another thought. “Oh, and would you send Spike a note asking him to gather all the students, teachers, and parents near the school’s entrance? Just in case.”
After she had quickly written out a scroll and sent it away, she looked up. “Umm… why are we just standing here then?”
I smirked at her. “Because I don’t know where the E.E.A. office is and you do. Care to do the honors?” I asked, gesturing for Penny to move closer to us.
“Oh. Right.” She lit up her horn and teleported us away.
My stomach did its usual flip-flop but it settled down fairly promptly. Twilight was trying to teach me how to do it for myself because that eliminated the side-effects. However, it was a hideously complex spell even though she performed it almost without thinking. She was the Alicorn of Magic though and I was a mere pegacorn. Even in my Marklestia form, the spell was still way above my pay grade.
We appeared to be in an outer office with a startled secretary seated behind a desk. I approached the mare and said, “Prince Mark Wells and Princess Twilight Sparkle here to see the board of the Equestrian Education Association.”
The secretary gathered her wits and said, “Do you have an appointment?”
“No, this is a surprise visit.”
“The board does not see anypony without a previous appointment,” she said primly.
“I see. Let me rephrase myself. Your Prince is demanding to speak to the board. I’ll give them five minutes to get their carcasses here before I send my aide to fetch them, ready or not.”
Penny always knew a cue when she heard it, and she stepped up to give the secretary a fang-filled snarl, flaring her oversized leathery wings for effect.
The mare went “Eep!” before dashing off down a corridor which presumably led to the offices of the board members.
I looked at Penny and noted her subtle tail swish. I said, “You enjoy that too much.”
“I rarely get to play ‘big mean fanged monster pony’, so I gotta make the most of it!” she replied smugly.
I chuckled and settled in to wait. Twilight looked a little stunned, but she usually did whenever I approached a problem in this manner. She’d cope.
I think it was only four minutes before the secretary returned and said, “The board will see you now.”
“Really? I didn’t see any ponies coming by,” I said.
“Their offices connect directly to the boardroom,” she replied, gesturing towards the double doors next to her desk.
“All the better not to have to interact with anypony, I suppose. Or any radical new ideas they might bring,” I said with a touch of contempt.
“Umm…” the mare started, but I didn’t wait for a reply. I gestured to Twilight to follow me and pushed through the doors. They swung shut behind Penny, leaving us in a gloomy chamber with raised seating along three walls and a pulpit on the back wall that towered over the others. Weak lighting let me see several mares and stallions sitting there, most of them quite elderly if my eyes didn’t deceive me in the poor illumination. Chancellor Neighsay occupied the high pulpit and his scowl was obvious.
A spotlight turned on suddenly to light up our group, dazzling us and making it even harder to look at the board members.
“What is the meaning of this unseemly demand on our time?” Neighsay said haughtily.
Ignoring him, I said, “What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?” With a pulse of my horn, I shot out the blinding spotlight. Then I turned to Twilight. “Can you provide us with some suitable illumination, please?”
She nodded and her horn flashed. Half a dozen softly glowing balls of light appeared and took up position around the room, gently but thoroughly illuminating the auditorium. I could better see how the seating arrangement was designed so that even Princess Celestia would have had to look up to the lowest board members. This was obviously designed to intimidate anyone who came to address the E.E.A. It was a pity for them that I didn’t take any crap like that.
I spread my wings and lifted up to the board members’ eye level and gestured to Twilight and Penny to do the same.
“What do you think you’re doing? How dare you—” Neighsay began to shout.
“SHUT UP!” I said in my best approximation of the Royal Canterlot Voice. An interesting little spell that. I learned it soon after I gained a horn. I think Neighsay was too surprised to not comply. I pointed to my head. “See this crown? That tells you that I’m the top authority in this meeting and you will stop trying to talk over me.” I then turned to Twilight again. “Any chance of giving us a platform?”
She smirked, getting into the mood I was setting. A moment later, a large table appeared beneath us and we settled down upon it. Neighsay was still well above us but, short of cutting that pulpit out from under him, there was little I could do about that – at least, physically.
“Good. Now that we have things organized a bit more reasonably, let’s get down to business. I demand that the E.E.A. show due cause for shutting down Princess Twilight’s School of Friendship.”
“Is that all?” Neighsay replied. “The Princess already has been given the reasons for my ruling. Multiple violations of the Equestrian Education Association’s rules as codified in the E.E.A. Teaching Guidelines book that she was provided.”
“Which book is this?” I replied coldly, although I knew exactly what he was talking about.
“This one.” He levitated one of the monstrous tomes over to me.
I gave it a disinterested glance. “Ah, yes. I took the opportunity to look through that when Twilight loaned her copy to me. I have seldom seen such a hidebound collection of anachronistic, obsolete, counterproductive, and even prejudicial material in my life.” I had lost a lot of sleep going over every one of the rules in that book, so I wasn’t just speaking hyperbolically.
Neighsay drew himself up and glared at me. “Those rules have served Equestria well for centuries!”
“That in itself should be a warning flag,” I countered. “Anything that old is certain to be badly out of date. I found references to intertribe courtesies that haven’t been used in generations, many of which would be considered insulting if used today. Yet those haven’t been enforced.”
“Well, of course not. Nopony follows those traditions nowadays.”
I tilted my head and frowned. “It’s puzzling then why you chose to invoke other rules which I would consider equally invalid. Why is that, chancellor?”
“Every guideline is made with the welfare of the students in mind.”
“How is closing Princess Twilight’s school of benefit to the students? As I heard it, among other complaints, you cited endangerment of ponies, but not specifically the pupils. The danger turned out to be nonexistent but you still canceled the school’s accreditation on that basis.”
“There were other infractions—”
“All of which happen at other schools, otherwise there wouldn’t be a need for truancy laws and the like. However, no other school has been shut down that I have ever heard of.”
Neighsay stood up, placed his forehooves on the railing and leaned forward aggressively. “It is within the E.E.A.’s purview to decide what constitutes an actionable offense. It was my decision that the School of Friendship did not meet the standards that this association is duty-bound to uphold!”
I narrowed my eyes. “Your decision? By what authority, may I ask?”
“By the authority of the charter enacted by Princess Celestia in the year 27 A.U.,” the stallion replied triumphantly.
I nodded. “I see. Celestia commissioned the Equestrian Education Association to standardize and codify education standards as required in that era. Do you know what I found when reading this pile of outdated drivel? Not one obsolete rule has ever been deleted. Oh, there have been plenty of new additions, but every ridiculous requirement that has no use in this day and age still remains but is generally ignored, only to be trotted out when it seems to suit the E.E.A. board members. The very definition of what is best for Equestria is massively underwhelming in the context of current events. And yet, not one of you…” I took a long look at the row of disapproving faces on the board. “…not even one board member seems to see anything wrong with that.”
“This board has served Equestria for centuries and we have the knowledge and experience to back up our decisions,” one elderly mare protested. “Ponies are the most educated of all the races of Equus.”
“While that may be true, I can see that most of you are moribund in your opinions. I don’t believe a new idea has successfully gotten past any of you in decades. I reckon you should reconsider your beliefs.”
“Your opinion is noted, Your Highness,” Neighsay said with a curl of his lip. “Nevertheless, we are the authority in this matter, and our decision stands.”
I started laughing.
The chancellor glared at me for a long moment before he shouted, “ENOUGH! What do you consider so amusing?”
I smirked at him. “Remember when I asked you by what authority you act?”
“Yes.”
“You confirmed that the association was commissioned by Princess Celestia. A royal commission. Such grants can be equally withdrawn by royalty at any time for failing to perform as desired. Let me put this in plain Equish for you, Chancellor Neighsay. I am your boss and I am firing you and every member of this board. The E.E.A.’s commission is hereby rescinded. The Triarchs will begin work on a replacement for it immediately. You may apply for a position on it if you wish, but I don’t like your prospects.”
The board members burst into an excited babble. “You… you can’t do this!” Neighsay squawked.
I tapped my chin thoughtfully. “You know, you’re right. It takes a majority of the Triarchy to—”
“Seconded!” yelped Twilight.
I gave her a wink and turned back to Neighsay. “Sorry – still out of a job. Go home, ex-chancellor. You’ve got a résumé to write up. Come on, Twilight – we’ve both got work to do.”
A moment later, the three of us were in Ponyville in front of the school’s main gate.
Twilight began to giggle and that blossomed into howls of laughter. I let her get it out of her system before saying, “Are you okay now, Sparkles?”
She wiped the tears of relief from her cheeks that were sodden once more. “Never better, Mark. Thank you.”
“I ought to be mad at you, y’know?”
She quirked an eyebrow at me. “Why?”
“Do you have any idea how much more work you’ve given us now that we have to replace the E.E.A.? Whenever am I going to get a chance to play with my foal?”
She grinned back at me. “Don’t worry – leave it to the expert organizer. I’m already totally familiar with all the useful stuff in the E.E.A. manual. With the school year already started, all the hard work has already been done. Nothing major needs to be completed for a little while anyway.”
I inclined my head toward the glowing chains that bound the school door. “Just one major thing, O Head of Education Pro Tem.”
She nodded and lit up her horn. One powerful blast was all it took to shatter the bindings and a cheer came from the crowd that had gathered as soon as they had spotted us arrive. The alicorn then faced the students and parents and said, “The School of Friendship is officially back in business. I would also like to announce a change in the curriculum. With the E.E.A. now defunct, I will implement the full program that I had intended from the start.” She shot a grin at a particular sextet of students near the front that consisted of a male griffon, a female yak, a dragoness, a female changeling, an earth pony colt,and a female hippogriff. “And I promise that it will be a lot more enjoyable than it has been in the past week, so no more sneaking out of class, okay?”
There were some chagrined smiles and nods from the students.
I gave Twilight a nudge and asked quietly, “Those are the six who snuck out together?” When she nodded, I continued. “Seems like your friendship lessons might already be working if that disparate lot chose to hang out as a group.”
She gave me a pleased nod. “I know. That’s why they won’t be getting detention… this time.”
I chuckled and then spoke up. “Okay – you heard the Headmare. School’s in! Off to your classrooms. Parents – now you will get to see how your children really learn what friendship means.”
“Thanks again, Mark. You always seem to know what to do.”
I shook my head and lowered my voice. “Nah, sometimes it just takes a pigheaded stallion to bring a little hometown orneriness to the table. Friendship may be the best method but, when that fails, have a good backup plan and be prepared to kick ass.”
“What have you got against donkeys?” she asked with a puzzled frown.
I snorted with laughter. “Never change, my too-innocent friend. Now, I had better be going. I left a gaggle of petitioners cooling their fetlocks back in Canterlot.”
“I’ll teleport you two back,” she said and put words into action. Much quicker than me using a portal to get there!
Twilight paused and said, “I still want Starlight as an assistant, you know? I’m going to need her help more than ever now.”
“I’ll think about it,” I promised before the purple mare disappeared once more.
“Admit it,” Penny said. “You enjoyed handing Neighsay his butt.”
“Yeah, I did. Jerks like him deserve it. I’m just glad I was in a position to do something about it. I might not have wanted this job but it has its perks. As the saying goes – it’s good to be the king!”
“Prince,” she corrected.
“To-may-to, to-mah-to,” I replied. “Anyway, fun’s over. Thrilling adventures in tax relief await us!”
“Idiot,” she muttered as I mounted the dais.
My loyal subject!
I stopped in front of my throne as I heard galloping hoofsteps behind me. Starlight gave me a sheepish smile as she trotted up to the throne and took her place by my side. It seemed she had made productive use of the time I was gone. I leaned my head closer and whispered, “Twilight and I have something to discuss with you after Day Court.”
Her ears pricked forward and her smile turned wily. “Looking forward to hearing about it – all of it, not just the parts you think I need to know.”
I chuckled as I sat down on the throne and gave a signal to the Sergeant-at-Arms. With the likes of these two to keep me grounded, I sincerely hoped I’d never end up like former Chancellor Neighsay.
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