Rarity and Pinkie Pie couldn't contain their excitement as they teleported into Castalot's famous Restaurant Row. Rarity was enthusiastic because she always enjoyed any trips or visits she could make to Castalot, and Pinkie because she had a chance to try a bunch of new foods. The goddesses of generosity and laughter knew they had a friendship mission to accomplish, but neither of them saw why the couldn't also have a bit of fun along the way. Fun they decided to share with their boyfriends by also making their mission a double date.
"Well, there'll be no shortage of places to eat. That's for certain." Rarity said as she latched onto Inferno's arm. "Although, I assumed there would be much more foot traffic around such a popular tourist attraction."
"Maybe everyone's inside the restaurants and eating." Pinkie Pie said as she helped Akage dust off the stray confetti and streamers that materialized after she had teleported the two of them. The goddess of laughter shaking Akage like a salt shaker to get the confetti out of him before setting him down. "Oh! Maybe I could have Akage do some recon and add us to the reservation lists!"
"I don't think that'll be necessary, Pinkie." Akage said shakily as he rode out the vibrations of Pinkie's shaking. "Caught a few glimpses through the windows, and every place is empty except for the staff. It's off-putting, you wouldn't expect one of the city's most popular tourism locations to be so barren. Especially since this place is one gigantic dining area. A place like this should be filled with chatter and foot traffic."
"Akage's got some solid points." Inferno chimed in as he scanned his surroundings. Things were indeed far too quiet. That is, until everyone's stomachs started to grumble. "I don't know about the rest of you guys, but thinking on an empty stomach gets me nowhere."
"Well, perhaps a meal at one of the establishments here should alleviate any concerns we may have." Rarity argued with a confident smile. "After all, this could just be the doing of a slow business day." Rarity then whipped out the brochure that detailed all of the places to dine at in Restaurant Row. "The rating system by esteemed critic Zesty Gourmand singles out the best places to dine at."
The two couples made their way to one of the highly-rated restaurants listed in the brochure. Each of them were hoping for a meal that would knock their socks off! However, when their food arrived, all that stared back at them was a gigantic plate of disappointment.
"Is this. . . food?" Inferno asked as he poked at the dish he'd ordered with his fork and dissected it with his eyes. "How is something this tiny supposed to be a main dish? Then again, I've never been inside many trendy restaurants in my life. But if this is what they qualify as a meal, maybe that's for the best."
"Don't knock it until you've tried it darling." Rarity said with an encouraging smile. "It's as the saying goes: Big things come in small packages. While our portions might be minuscule, it's likely they have much flavor packed within-"
"Blegh!" Pinkie Pie hollered as she spat out her food! "This stuff taste's yucky! Heck, I can barely taste anything at all! This is worse than a school lunch!"
At Pinkie's volatile reaction to the food, Akage promptly shoved his plate away from himself and glared down at the "food" atop it. He'd only taken a nibble, but Pinkie's reaction confirmed his suspicions. Something was indeed cooking in Restaurant Row, and it was far from delicious.
"Maybe we should try our luck elsewhere." Akage suggested as he helped Pinkie Pie wipe her tongue clean of any traces of the malevolent meal she'd taken a bite out of. His weapon of choice: a toothbrush. "I'd rather we all not get food poisoning. Hmm. Perhaps I should've taken the first bite to spare the rest of you any suffering."
"No way Akage!" Pinkie Pie pouted as she protectively pulled Akage close to her chest! "No way I'm risking you dying by eating yucky stuff like this! I'm immortal, so I can take it!"
"But I hate seeing you unhappy." Akage countered despite his speech being muffled.
"Well, you won't get any arguments from me." Inferno agreed. "I say we bail. What about you babe?"
"I'm inclined to agree as well." Rarity shivered after taking a bite of her food. "Perhaps there's another dining venue with more favorable options."
Oh how wrong she was. Every one of the highly-rated restaurants the group went to had the exact same outcome as the first one they'd tried. The food was pitifully small, and tasted awful. Then again, they were lucky if it had any taste at all as most of it was essentially flavorless. It wasn't long before the entire group was clutching their growling stomachs.
"Restaurants everywhere, and not a single good place to eat." Inferno grumbled. "And is it me, or did all of the food seem really cookie cutter?"
"I think the critic who rated the restaurants doesn't have any good taste." Akage groaned. "I wouldn't eat that trash if my life depended on it."
"Tell me about it." Pinkie Pie moped. However, the avatar of laughter perked up when her nose caught a whiff of something wonderful. "Hey, I think I smell something good!"
"You're right Pinkie." Akage gave a sniff, and soon picked up on what had grabbed Pinkie Pie by her nostrils. "I think I can smell something actually good!"
Urged on by both hunger and curiosity, the group followed the savory scent's trail to a humble restaurant called Tasty Treat. It was maintained by a father-daughter duo named Coriander and Saffron. When the group inquired the duo about their restaurant, the father-daughter pair sighed and explained how Zesty Gourmand's rating system essentially forced every restaurant to make food that fit the critic's tastes over a meal they prepared for their only patrons. Anyone who didn't conform was given a low rating, or wasn't rated at all. As they listened to how Restaurant Row was essentially held hostage, the element members were also amazed with how delicious the food they were served was!
"You honor us with such praise." Saffron said with a sheepish smile. "But, unfortunately, it's not likely Ms. Gourmand would ever give us a high rating."
"Well, I say your cooking is deserving of praise." Rarity said proudly. "You have the testimony of members of the Elements of Harmony, two of the Elements of Heroism, and three of us present are avatars. If we get the message out that we enjoy eating here, I'm certain we'll drive some business-"
"No." Akage said sternly. A cold look in his eyes. "That's not enough. We have much more to do than that."
"Um, Akage?" Pinkie asked nervously as she could feel a hostile aura enveloping Akage thanks to her Pinkie Sense. "What do you mean by that?"
"The old hag that's got a choke-hold on Restaurant Row needs to be put in her place." Akage answered. "Food is meant to be enjoyed by people, and Zesty Gourmand's gone and ruined a place meant for people to do just that."
"So. . . what do you recommend we do?" Saffron asked.
"Oh, you can still carry on with Rarity's idea. In fact, it'll give me just the opportunity to enact my own little scheme." Akage said with a smile that seemed to drip mischievous intent. "Let's just say, I'll be spicing up Zesty's life. The rest of you carry on with your plan. Me? I have. . . preparations to make."
So while Pinkie and Rarity went to spread word of Tasty Treat, Akage was busy at work making preparations for the retribution he swore to bring upon Zesty Gourmand. Evening soon arrived, and Tasty Treat was packed with patrons. Much to the delight of Saffron and Coriander, everyone was greatly enjoying the food they'd prepared. Coriander was quite stubborn against the plan initially, but he happily admitted to himself that he was wrong. Unfortunately, the pleasant chatter came to a screeching halt the second Zesty Gourmand entered the restaurant.
The second the "critic" sampled some of Saffron and Coriander's cooking, she spat it out with disgust and instantly called it garbage! She even went so far as to say that Restaurant Row was a mound of garbage without her system!
"You know what? You're not a critic!" Pinkie Pie pouted. "You're just a big bully who wants things to work for her no matter how unhappy everyone else is! No wonder all the chefs looked so sad preparing all those gross excuses for food! Well, I say you've got no taste!" And with that, Pinkie's defiance became a rallying cry for all of Restaurant Row! All the chefs who had been forced to adhere to Zesty's bland, tasteless standards hollered out their defiance!
"You. . . you're all down to a zero rating!" Zesty shrieked as Restaurant Row revolted against her! "I'll see to it that-MMMPH?!"
Before Zesty could continue with her petty threats, Akage dropped down from the ceiling and shoved a spoonful of something into the conniving critic's mouth! Once Zesty had registered what had happened, she glared at Akage before spitting out most of whatever he'd forced on her!
"How dare you!" Zesty fumed as she stared down the ninja! "I have no idea what you just tried to poison my palate with, but it won't work! I've expelled it before I swallowed!"
"You misunderstand." Akage grinned. "All it needed to do was touch your tongue."
"What on earth are talking abou-. . . Hah. . .. hah!" Zesty began to sweat profusely as her entire face heated up! "HOOOOT! HOOOOOT!"
"That was a spoonful of all the spiciest items I could find available here on Restaurant Row." Akage said proudly as he crossed his arms. "There were plenty of people who wanted to strike back against you for forcing them to bend to your 'standards.' And I use that term loosely. By now it feels like your mouth and throat are on fire."
Zesty, in a panic, downed the nearest pitcher of water in an effort to put out the fire in her mouth! But instead, it only made the burning sensation worse! Akage shook his head.
"Uh-uh." Akage wagged his finger. "That's not what you need." He then pulled out a bottle of milk from behind his back. "A cool glass of milk is the real way to extinguish the flames in your mouth. You want that fire put out? I have some demands. One: You'll get rid of that stupid rating system. And two: You'll never again trouble Restaurant Row. Or I'll subject you to an even worse concoction. We clear?"
Zesty frantically nodded, and Akage tossed her the bottle of milk! The critic hastily chugged the milk down, and got out of Restaurant Row before any more of her former victims could get their payback on her!
"Wow!" Pinkie cheered in amazement! "You definitely spiced up her night Akage!"
"Ever since I saw you get so disgusted with that lame excuse for food and how miserable the cooks were, I made it my mission to get back at whoever was responsible for such misery." Akage smiled as he put his arm around Pinkie Pie. "I'll never forgive anyone who takes away your smile, even if it's for a brief instant."
"Aw~!" Pinkie cooed as she pulled Akage into a deep kiss! "Leave it to a ninja boyfriend to get even for my sake!"
"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Akage smirked mischievously. "I thought Ms. Gourmand was full of crap, so I slipped a little something into her milk to help get it out of her system. My only regret is that I won't be able to see the look on her face."
"Oh, Akage~" Pinkie Pie said with a sultry giggle. "Just for that, I'm only wearing the apron to bed tonight." And Akage's face was immediately as red as his hair!
'Well, she's pulled me into marshmallow heaven plenty of times already.' Akage thought. 'This time's just going to be a bit sweeter.'