//------------------------------//
// Upstate 
// Story: Those Four Guys 
// by Kodiologist 
//------------------------------//

Gilbert waited nervously at the pier for fifteen minutes. Finally, a red-orange changeling alighted beside him. She had large, sparkly orange wings, a single small horn on her forehead, and a grin that was so large and full of teeth that it was a bit disconcerting. "Anne, right?" said Gilbert.

"Yeah." she said. "You must be Gil."

"The one and only. 'Anne'; that's an unusual name for a changeling, isn't it?"

"It's a nickname. My whole name's 'Antenna'."

"Oh. But… changelings don't have antennas. I mean, antennae."

In a flash of changeling transformation magic, Anne grew two three-foot-long antennae on top of her head. "Happy?" she said, sticking out her long, thin tongue. The antennae disappeared. "C'mon, let's go."

They flew off, soaring high above the city. They passed over the great forests of the north and came to the mountains, not far from the cave where Crag lived with his girlfriend.

"I'm so glad you went in with my idea for more of an adventure date." said Anne, flying close beside Gilbert. They had a tailwind, propelling them both ahead at a pleasantly brisk pace. "The construction I do for a living, it's good exercise, but not a lot of excitement. And it's hard to find guys in Manehattan with a sense of adventure, y'know? "

"Yeah, sure, city folk." said Gilbert, chuckling. He pointed at some interesting-looking mountain ridges, and they began to swoop down to see them up close. "I love Manehattan, but it's always nice to get out into nature again, like the land I grew up in."

"What's Griffonstone like?" said Anne.

"Rocky and mountainous. Not so colorful as Equestria. Austere, but with a lot of beauty once you get to know it."

They landed on the cliff. The full moon revealed itself from behind a cloud, and Gilbert took a deep breath of the invigorating pine-scented air.

"Does that describe any griffons you know?" said Anne, smiling insinuatingly at Gilbert.

"You tell me." said Gilbert, smiling back. Hey, this is going well. he thought. Can't get my hopes up too much, though.

"Oooh, look, a cave!" said Anne. She pointed a hoof at an opening in the mountainside. It was large, but mostly hidden behind a boulder.

"Cool." said Gilbert. They walked up to the cave mouth and peered into it. The moonlight penetrated little into the darkness, suggesting only a large passage that widened further inside. "Rats, I didn't think to bring a lantern."

"Well, that just makes it more exciting." Anne tugged on Gilbert's forefoot and trotted towards the cave.

Anne's carapace felt warmer than Gilbert had expected. He silently delighted at her touch. But he wasn't totally on board with her plan. "Hang on. Spelunking is dangerous, and not just because of pits and water and getting lost—this is Equestria, you know."

"So? I can handle myself. Can't you?"

"I like to think so, but that doesn't—"

"Come on." Anne groaned. "Are we here to have an adventure or what?"

Gilbert was trying to decide whether he was being too much of a wimp for his own good when they were startled by a huge snarl echoing from the cave. They both took to the air on instinct, and not a moment too soon, as a great gray-green mouth emerged from the black depths. The mouth belonged to a linnorm, a long serpentine relative of the dragon, with a reputation for being much less intelligent but just as temperamental. It arced towards Gilbert and Anne as it drew forth more and more of its prodigious length from the cave, its beady yellow eyes fixed on them.

"Apparently, yes." said Gilbert.

"Now we're talkin'." said Anne. "Distract it for a moment, will you?" She turned into a small bug.

Hardly being able to see Anne, the linnorm turned its whole attention to Gilbert. Gilbert flew as fast as he could in wild arcs and loops, keeping just ahead of the linnorm's griffon-sized maw. The monster was fast, too, but at least its great size kept it from moving with quite as much agility. I can't keep this up. Gilbert thought, the tuft of his lion's tail barely escaping a crash of teeth. Choking down his fear, he U-turned and dove past the linnorm's face, slashing at its eye with his talons. The linnorm cringed and roared.

Just then, while the linnorm was in pain, Anne reappeared. As a practically invisible bug, she had flown around to the other end of the linnorm. Now she was a giant crablike monstrosity, and with one great pincer she squeezed the linnorm's small, sensitive tail. The monster writhed and roared in agony. Anne released her grasp, and the linnorm wasted no time plunging back into the cave.

"Let's get outta here, before it changes its mind." said Gilbert.

Anne returned to her natural form and nodded. They flew down into the deepest part of the forest. They found a small patch of moonlight, where they could see but were still reasonably well-hidden, and lay there panting.

Once they had regained their breaths, Anne said "Now that was fun."

"You have a weird idea of fun." said Gilbert.

"Me?" said Anne. "Moi? You were right. You can handle yourself. Don't tell me you didn't have fun."

"Maybe a little." said Gilbert, smiling. "I'm just not sure it's what I would've picked for a date."

"Oh right, this is a date. Well, ready to blow off some steam, big boy?" She grinned again.

"Er… are you saying… uh…"

"Yeah, I'm saying let's buck, you dope. Ever done it outdoors?" She turned into the spitting image of Princess Twilight Sparkle. "Or with royalty?"

Gilbert licked his beak. He'd been pining away for this moment for years, and inevitably, now that it was so suddenly upon him, he felt unready. Being in the presence of what looked and sounded like the supreme ruler of Equestria didn't help. "Er… this… would be my first time, actually."

"Really?" said the false Twilight, raising one eyebrow. "Let's make it a good one, then. This pony probably uses her cooter as a bookbag. What are you in the mood for?" Anne changed into Coloratura. "How do you feel about overproduced pop music? Or maybe self-indulgent piano solos?"

"Hang on." said Gilbert. "Don't get me wrong… I really do want to do this…"

Anne assumed her natural form and craned her head down so she could see Gilbert's penis, which was quite erect. "Yeah, looks like it. Spikes, though. I forgot about that. Not a problem. I can adapt back there."

Gilbert had to stop himself from correcting Anne's use of the word "spikes". "It's just… well, we've just met. I'm not against the idea of sex on the first date, just the opposite, but let's set some boundaries, or expectations, or something."

"Way to kill the mood." said Anne, but her tone was tolerant. "Okay, what's your concern?"

"Well, what are we? Are you hoping for a fling, or are you interested in a serious relationship? Because I'm looking for a relationship. And I like you a lot, Anne, so I hope you want to give that a shot, too."

Anne looked perplexed. "What kind of a relationship?"

Gilbert was even more perplexed. "You know, the relationship kind of relationship. Boyfriend and girlfriend. Testing the waters for something with more commitment down the line."

"You, uh… oh boy." Anne frowned and her wings buzzed. "Listen, chick, I don't know what you've heard about changelings, but we don't do that."

"You don't… have boyfriends?"

"Well, not in the pony sense. Or the griffon sense, I guess. We don't do squishy pony romance stuff. I know we have a reputation for being a cuddly feel-your-feelings race since the metamorphosis, but that feeling isn't a feeling we have."

"You don't have love? What in God's name? Don't you literally need that to live?"

"Not that kind of love. In our native language, we use very different words to describe that and… I think it's called 'brotherly love' in Ponish. The love of friends. That's what we need to live, and what Equestria has so much of, which is why Chrysalis invaded. Didn't you hear about how Chrysalis nearly died from too much exposure to romantic love that time?"

"Yeah," said Gilbert sheepishly, "but I thought that was because she was evil, or something."

"Ugh." said Anne. "No, it's not because she was evil. What a hackneyed idea. That's like something out of a fantasy story for little girls. Romantic love is toxic to us because it's not what we need. That's just how we're built. So are we having sex or what? I'm dripping over here."

"So… I guess we could be friends with benefits?"

"Totally. I'd love to be your friend, Gilbert, if you'll let me feed on that kind of love."

Gilbert looked away sadly. "Sorry. It's not what I'm looking for. Especially for my first time."

"Seriously? Ugh." Anne kicked a pebble. "Well, can I get a goodnight kiss, at least?"

"Sure." said Gilbert. "I'd love to."

They kissed. The sensation of Gilbert's beak on Anne's warm carapace was a strange one. There was an even stranger sensation, too, one that Gilbert would've struggled to describe—a kind of almost-spiritual nostalgic longing—which he realized was probably the sensation of being love-drained. They looked in each other's eyes, and Gilbert felt a third, more familiar sensation: the painful sinking sensation of having what he wanted just in sight and then letting it slip away.

Anne made a face. "That love didn't agree with me. Did you catch feelings for me already?"

"Yeah," said Gilbert, blushing, "I guess I tend to do that. Does it hurt? I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Not too much." she said. "It's okay." She shook her head. "Have a good night, okay, Gil?"

"Good night, Anne."

She flew away. Gilbert watched her go away mournfully. He had been lost in painful thoughts for some time when he noticed two other, more familiar shapes in the sky. He flew up to meet them.

"Gil!" said Crag. "What are you doing out here? There's a linnorm on the loose. Shelly and I just heard it roaring a few minutes ago."

Gilbert sheepishly recounted how he and Anne had roused and dealt with the linnorm. With the dragons satisfied that nocreature was in imminent danger of being eaten by a linnorm, Gilbert then described the rest of his and Anne's time together.

"Huh." said Shelly. "That fight—the one with the linnorm, I mean—is that what ponies call a 'meet-cute'?"

"Not exactly." said Gilbert.

"So, I have to ask." said Crag. "You made a connection with somecreature who's interested in having sex with you. And you know there are creatures out there who might date you but aren't especially interested in sex, like dragons. So why not get one of each?"

"Oh God, that is such a Crag question." said Gilbert.

Shelly laughed. "It totally is!"

"Well?" said Crag. "Am I getting a Gilbert answer?"

"That's not how it works, Crag." said Gilbert. "I want one person who will love me and have sex with me and who I love back. You know… a girlfriend. Or a wife, eventually. I'm not looking for some polyamory thing."

"If you're going to be this picky," said Crag, "you really have nocreature to blame but yourself for not getting what you want."

"Honey, that was needlessly harsh." said Shelly.

"He's my friend." said Crag. "I'm trying to help you, Gil."

"Well, I am not being picky!" said Gilbert. "This is what griffons, and ponies for that matter, have gotten for generations. That's how we have generations!"

"Have they really, though?" said Crag. "Of course that notion of sexual-romantic love is literally ancient in ponies, but as a historian, I see it most clearly as an ideal. What a culture strives for and urges its people to actualize isn't necessarily what it actually gets. In griffons, the idea is not even that old, and is probably due to Equestrian influence."

"Well, if I can't get that, then what's the point?" said Gilbert. "The point of everything, I mean. My education, my move to Equestria, my job… what am I even supposed to be without a real girlfriend?"

"I can't answer those questions for you." said Crag. "But it sounds like you're long overdue on asking them."