When one works 9-5 as the manager of a Hayburger, one usually gets called out of the manager's office for annoying things. A pipe broke. A mare is upset about her order being wrong. The new colt can't figure out how to use the deep fryer without burning himself. Trivialities, that mostly serve to eat up time and make the day trudge by.
So when Princess bucking Celestia walked in and asked for the manager, Crinkle Cut was a little concerned.
"I assure you, your highness. Whatever you want, it's on the house!" He declared as he bowed.
"Hm… well, what I require isn't exactly on the menu, Mr. Cut. I need… your list."
"My… list?" He asked, perplexed. But then his face lit up with realization. "Ah, that list! Of course, let me get you a copy!" He returned quickly, passing off a stack of notes scribbled on receipts and napkins. Celestia picked a few at random, read the snippets of text on them, and rolled her eyes.
"Now I see why Arcane was so insistent on me going to get lunch for everypony instead of doing it himself. I had my hunches, given how excited he was to order 57 packets of sweet & sour sauce. Now then, if you don't mind, I'd like a Hayburger Supreme, to keep me occupied while I read…"
THE ARCA LIST: HAYBURGER EDITION
-Arca is under no circumstances to be permitted access to the soda fountain. Even then, he is only allowed diet, caffine-free soda.
-There is no such thing as 'enough napkins' when Arca visits.
-Arca is not allowed to hijack a cart and bring it to the drive-thru in order to avoid the line inside.
-Speaking of the drive-thru, the name implies vehicles with wheels. Rowboats are not welcome in the drive-thru.
-No rollerskates either.
-Arca is not permitted more than 4 sweet & sour sauce packets per day, as he's mildly addicted to it and has zero sense of moderation.
-Arca is not allowed in the foal's playground.
-Even if The Duck has waddled in there.
-The air dryer in the bathroom is not a wind tunnel for paper airplanes made from receipts.
-Any of Arca's dining companions get an extra order of 'pity fries' as a buffer in case Arca tries to eat theirs.
-Wet floors are NOT slip-n-slides.
-Unicycles are not permitted in the drive-thru, either.
-Arca is to be given a foal's toy with his meals, even if it is not a foal's meal.
-One straw per cup.
-One lid per cup.
-No more than one cup per cup.
-You know what, Arca is not allowed to get his own drinks.
-There is no 'secret menu'. And even if there was, 'Duck nuggets' would not be an option.
-Just because there is a small drain in the bathroom floor to deal with an overflowing sink, does not mean Arca is allowed to clog the sink and test it.
-No I.O.U.s allowed.
-Do not tell Arca we use iceberg lettuce, or he will try and make a miniature replica of the Tailtanic from placemats to re-enact the movie. There will be singing. Off-key. You have been warned.
-Mounted animals are not considered vehicles from the drive-thru. Especially not Arca's pet timberwolf, Mr. Splinters.
-Asking anypony "Would you like to supersize that?" Within earshot of Arca is just asking for trouble.
-Wet floors are not to be magically frozen for ice skating.
-Sitting by the window to watch ponies go about their day is fine, but using binoculars makes it creepy.
-Pre-tear any ketchup packets for Arca, lest he try to do it himself and send ketchup flying everywhere.
-Any employees who neglect the above rule are responsible for cleaning up the resulting mess.
-Zeppelins, hot air balloons, and other airships are not allowed in the drive-thru.
-You know what, Arca is not permitted to use the drive-thru.
-Yes, all drinks have unlimited refills. No, that is not a challenge.
-In the event of an emergency that Arca is present for, offer free prench fries to anypony who can stop the problem and stand back.
-Condiments are not to be mixed for potions on-site.
-If Arca is on fire, bleeding, or suffering from any other kind of major injury, he is to be turned away at the door.
-There is no 'tab' for paying later.
-Happy dances for winning promotional giveaways are to be limited to 5 minutes.
-We do not do delivery, and even if we did, would anypony even want to deliver inside the Arca Limit?
-The Duck may be offered a few prench fries at employee's discretion. It's not a dangerous animal unless Arca is around.
-For Celestia's sake, never let Arca try and fix the ice cream machine if it's broken. Some staff still have flashbacks.