Dear Twibitch,
Well, well, well....I guess friendship ain't so important to you after all. I got the message from you that your friends, well more like former friends, were having a gathering down here and ordered me to set it up. Now for what is pathetic, the moment I got the letter Spike got all excited and began going on and on about Rarity and how he STILL wants to score with her. Seriously, he is wanting to fuck an aging unicorn? Because of that, I decided to ground him but he then threatened to send a libelous message up to you that I liked boys because he knows you'd drop me if you even thought I was anything short of a full blown lesbian.
Well I let him go and when they showed up, he immediately rushed over to Rarity. The hell with that was my reaction, I saw something I wanted instead, this incredibly hot yellow pegasus I learned went by the name of Fluttershy. Unfortunately, that Discord guy I learned about in school is like her protective older brother or some dumb shit like that because when I tackled her and tried to give her horn sex, he turned me into a fucking orange! He warned me that he would banish me into limbo if I even tried that again.
Now what I would like to know is why weren't you here? I thought that perhaps with them being here, you would come down to try and rekindle some of those friendships, especially the one with PETA Girl since I did learn that at one time she OWNED you. Now I find that fucking hilarious, you at one time were owned by a tender little thing like her and that was before she had Discord around 24/7. I am honestly thinking of writing to all my former schoolmates and telling them about how you were the doormat of all doormats to an animal obsessed pegasus that was still shy for the most part. Damn I bet they'd lose a lot of respect for you!
To make matters worse, all they did was bitch, bitch, bitch about you and Starlight not being there and about how horrible the food was. Now that was Spike's fault, he was supposed to cook it but in the end I wound up using the government credit card to get some local restaurant to cater the event. I will say this, we got screwed over when it came to that. I was charged 5,000 bits when that meal wasn't worth 5 bits.
Now I'm not happy with Spike because I heard him bragging about how he actually scored with Rarity. I don't know if it is really true or not but so help me Faust, if I do discover that he isn't lying about it, I'm giving the little bastard a sex change operation. No way in hell should he be scoring with a pony, ever. That is flat out gross! Anyway, next time those old-timers come to town, please come and at least associate with them, I got sick of their bitching real quick.
Irritated With Your So-Called Friends,
Luster Dawn
Dear Luster,
Bitch, bitch, bitch, is that all you know how to do? Look, I had you take care of this because I had no desire to deal with it myself AND it was scheduled on a Saturday and you know that Starlight and I spend all day in bed on Saturdays. Anyway, I am glad they were able to irritate you but I am not thrilled that you tried to rape PETA Girl. Thankfully Discord put a stop to that because had you succeeded, I would have turned you into a decoration for the birds to shit all over.
Now that is a fucking lie about PETA Girl. She never owned me in any way, shape or form. We were a lot closer at that point and she did put out for me A LOT but she never owned me. I'm thinking I'm going to have to have a little talk with that bitch for making up that lie about me....more like an intense horn raping session. She will learn that one does not make up lies about the most powerful pony in Equestria and get away with it!
Now whether Spike finally scored with Rarity or not, I don't care one way or another but if he did and you do anything to him, I'll saw that horn of yours off and shove it up your ass and you sure the hell wouldn't want that now, would you? Now if you will excuse me, Starlight is giving me bedroom eyes so I'm cutting this short.
Getting Ready to Get Laid by My Hot Sister,
Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle
P.S. You had the audacity to use the government credit card without my permission? Oh somepony is going to pay dearly for this. Guess what, I'm going to fine your parents 100,000 bits for this and I'm taking your copy of the credit card away for a while. It is obvious that you are not ready to have something like that. If I ever decide to give it back to you, your parents will get fined a hell of a lot more and be punished in an unimaginably horrible way.
Dear Twilight,
You're not going to believe this but when your old friends came to town, I scored with Rarity! Yep, after so many years I finally scored with her. Yes she is getting older but she is still as hot as ever! Now I did ask her about a relationship and she said no but she is open to more flings like this. Right now I am the happiest dragon in all of Equestria.
Happy I Laid Rarity,
Spike
Dear Spike,
That is fucking sweet! I know for so long I told you that you'd never get her nor would I allow you to pursue her but now, I'm happy you got her in bed. Now yeah, I know she doesn't want a relationship but if she will put out from time to time, that is even better. You won't be tied down by a relationship and you still get all the benefits!....hey that is a win-win if you ask me. Anyway, I'm glad you got her but I must get going because there is a certain butterfly-ass that needs to be threatened.
Happy You Scored With Rarity,
Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle
Dear Flutterskank,
So I heard you told my lousy protege that at one time you owned me. Well let me tell you something right now you little bitch, you better be glad I'm in a good mood right now because if I weren't, I'd come haul your ass over to Colgate's and let her and her friends have their way with you for a few days....trust me, I'd do it too! Now you better not pull this shit again or cause any other kind of trouble because if you do, I will take you to Colgate and instruct her and her friends to horn rape you so bad that you'd be praying for death, got that bitch?
Warning You,
Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle
To Equestria's Incestuous Bitch Leader,
Fuck you bitch. I was simply telling that little protege of yours the truth because I DID own you at one time. I can't help but wonder if you don't miss the times when I'd keep you confined to your castle while I went out and had fun with Dr. Fauna and Rarity. I know you secretly enjoyed it, I know you enjoyed it when the whole town knew you were my little bitch and had zero respect for you, I know you loved it when I forced you to humiliate yourself just to keep me happy. I will say this, don't even attempt to haul me off to Colgate because Discord would go through with his promise to make lots and lots of bits, cause the value of the bit to collapse and crash the economy.
Sincerely,
Fluttershy