Damn, even more shipping...
Discord rolled off of his lover gasping for breath; chocolate syrup was all over their bed from his act, and Chrysalis was once again sound asleep. 'I suppose nightfall is coming soon,' the monster thought to himself as he stared at his graceful changeling lover, 'how funny will it be when she wakes up tomorrow and finds herself back on the throne.'
Discord was wary of a transition back to being a villain. His life had been one battle after another, and now he was going to go back to his horrible ways for no other reason than the promise of a Manehattan Penthouse Suite. Life has a way of messing with even the best of us, even when we think we understand it, something comes along to make us question everything. For Discord, this was one of those things. He knew invading the Changelings would be easy, if not downright fun, but… actually after thinking about it for a moment his attitude changed completely. It would be a fun way to exercise his power, he wasn't about to kill anyone and the only bad part of the whole thing was lying to his special somebody.
Discord poked his head outside to see that the sun had set, and realized that his window of opportunity had begun. It was time to throw a democracy into pure chaos and force them to accept their evil queen back for the sheer sake of helping his immortal enemy. And yet the more he thought about it, the more he knew that he would enjoy the insanity.
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"Fall to your knees changelings!" Discord bellowed out from atop a cotton candy cloud, "for I am your new master and you are all my subjects."
The changelings ran around their oasis trying to figure out how to change their reservoir from chocolate milk back into water. Changeling young screamed at the hideous and horrible balloon minions conjured by the beast, their parents howled in horror at the sight of their entire oasis becoming a twisted and mangled multi-dimensional chess board from tartarus. The changeling high priest ran out of his chambers to try to work out a deal with this devil. "Oh evil Discord we only wish for peace," the priest prayed to his attacker, "we are a simple society which feeds off of small amounts of love and have very little to offer, but anything we can do to serve thee we are…"
Discord snapped his claw and turned the priest into a bushel of apples and laughed at the horror the changelings displayed in this act. "Foalish fools!" he screamed at the scurrying creatures, "there will be no satisfying me until every last one of you gets down on your knees and treats me as the all-powerful being I am."
"Surely you are open to negotiations," the newly elected president called to the monster, "surely we can do something to appease thee oh chaotic one."
"Yes there are a few things you can do," Discord responded with a set of demands, "first you will step down from your position of power and bring back your evil queen. Second you will aid me in a new attempt to conquer Equestria. And finally you will eat one of the apples which used to be the high priest or be turned into a tub of strawberry preserves. And don't call me Shirley"
"I will do all that you wish, just spare my poor changelings of the madness," the president claimed as he removed his sash and bowed his head to Discord, "however, I will not eat our beloved priest, for he is the keeper of peace between us and others, he has guided us through the worst of times, and it was he who…" the president was interrupted and turned into a large jar of strawberry jam.
"Damn," Discord sneered under his breath, "I can never turn them into preserves, it's always jam, jelly or marmalade but never my preserves." And with that the changelings were conquered. Discord looked at his watch and noticed the fact that it had only taken him 35 minutes to force the changelings into his submission. "Oh boy Discord you haven't lost a step," he chuckled to himself as almost a million changelings began to grovel underneath him, "this might be the fastest coup in history, but I still don't have my damned preserves."
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Chrysalis awoke, not in the cavern apartment, but in the palace on the oasis, in the massive bed surrounded by luxuries fit for royalty. "Well I'll be a daughter of a pony princess," Chrysalis exclaimed as she sat up in her bed and looked at the two servants waiting at her bedside, "that chaotic old bastard actually did it."
"Yes mam, your king Discord has forced us to accept you back as our leader," one of the servants begrudgingly admitted, "and we will be glad to fetch anything your heart desires whenever you should please."
Chrysalis began to laugh in the changelings' faces. "You pussies didn't even put up a fight did you?" Chrysalis toyed, "I'll bet you… you just laid on the ground and begged for mercy as soon as he broke out the cotton candy clouds!"
"Well we held out for almost an hour mam, but he is just too great for us," the Changeling servant admitted only to hear his queen laugh some more.
"You know what, I would like a hooficure and a facial," Chrysalis grinned as one of the servants went off to fetch the cosmetics, "and I could use a cold glass of water. And while you're at it turn the air conditioning down a little bit, it's drafty in here."
"As you wish mam," the servant bowed his head and exited the room. He ran into some guards in the hallway. "I can't believe this bitch is already back, didn't we just get rid of her?" he asked the guard captain.
"Yes, but apparently Discord has a thing for her so until we can figure out how to defeat him we are stuck with the insufferable queen of disgrace," the guard whispered back as he cringed in disgust.
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The changeling debriefing room was filled with the generals of Chrysalis' old regime, awaiting orders from their new commander Discord. He arrived with their queen in toe, eating a bagel smothered in strawberry jam. "This president sure tastes delicious, quite a nice touch if I do say so myself," Discord smiled at his love.
"Well isn't someone quite the showoff today?" Chrysalis replied as she pulled out a map of Equestria from a pack on her back. Discord pulled some documents and motioned to the queen, allowing her to have the floor. "So Discord has informed me that last time we attempted an invasion of Equestria our plans were flawed, and I have you all to thank. We underestimated the force of their royal guard, and only accounted for the powers of two princesses. Perhaps some of you might not know the fact that Luna practically destroyed our aerial raid, maybe you forgot that the love powers of princess Cadence almost killed me, and maybe you did not realize the fact that Celestia felt we were so flawed that she hardly even attacked me to begin with in order to let her sisters get the glory. One must realize that Celestia can only be defeated by a being with nearly double her powers, something which I fall far short of." The queen explained, "in short we were screwed from the get go and it is all your fault."
"But my queen, we have since established diplomatic relations with Equestria," the infantry commander exclaimed, "we have no reason to invade the very nation which has given us an hour of feeding per day!"
"That reason is beef," Discord explained, "We have nothing short of an intense loathing for the ponies of Equestria, seeing their demise will please us greatly."
"But last time there were thousands of casualties," the areal commander cried out, "it would be suicide to return to Equestria under such dishonorable circumstances."
"Precisely why we have Discord with us," Chrysalis explained, "he is the only being in history to beat the equestrian royals at their own game, he can hold back all three princesses by himself. All we would need to do is tactfully plan a surprise attack against their armies and we are home free."
"But we are dealing with a fortified mountain top city, a stronghold which cannot be invaded even if we can build a force a hundred thousand strong against ten archers!" a lieutenant general screamed, "this is madness!"
"That is insubordination!" Discord shouted back. He reared up and slammed his claw and paw onto the table, forcing out a stream of magical energy which shot across the solid oak table. The general was turned into a large jar of apple jam. "DAMN! I still cannot make preserves!" Discord angrily exclaimed before he sat back down. Horrified glares made their way to the monster before Chrysalis continued with the official plan.
"Now we must invade within the next two days in order to ensure the element of surprise," Chrysalis explained, "we will need to do a full scale aerial attack, however only about a third of the force will try to take Canterlot this time lead by myself. In order to do this we must change our approach, our areal commander Blitz Craig will lead a third of the troops to Fillydelphia, the center of Equestria's industries. Finally our remaining troops will be led by our infantry commander Five Star into the completely unguarded Manehattan, the largest city and home to the ponies' stock market. Any questions?"
"Where does Discord come into play?" the aerial commander asked.
"Secret weapon to draw the princesses off of our forces," Discord explained, "when the attack on Canterlot happens they will send out Celestia, Luna, and Cadence, three ponies of extreme power, and I am the only one here who can actually defeat the three of them. As Chrysalis explained, Celestia is possibly the greatest spin doctor in history, and I have yet to see her in a situation which is not under her complete control."
"So one more time, Celestia actually let us win last time to lure us into a false sense of security before our final defeat at the hooves of Cadence?" the lieutenant general who had just been promoted to replace the jar of jam asked, "because really if that's the case who's to say she doesn't already have this under her control as we speak?"
"Well, I, um," Discord tried to find an answer, "that's a very good question, and quite frankly this whole thing may be doomed from the get go, but really what's the fun in life if you never take a risk."
"Risks are what we try to avoid sir, and with all due respect, even at the risk of being turned into jam, I would like to add that this plan is foolish and unwise in every way." Blitz knew what was coming next, and readied himself.
"Now I see why you are a commander sir," Discord watched as the stoic expression on the general's face turned into one of relief, "but I'm still going to turn you into preserves, how does cherry sound?"
"Wait, what?" the general asked shortly before a beam shot out from Discord's claw and turned him into a large jar of cherry preserves.
"Hot diggity!" Discord jumped for joy, "who wants some bagels?"
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"Who goes there?" Celestia shouted in her chambers as she slowly drew a massive katana, "show yourself now or else."
"Or else what Tia?" Discord toyed as he stepped out of the shadows.
"Oh it's you, I must admit the surprise entrance was almost enough to make me set off a nuke spell," Celestia explained, approaching the monster with a smile on her face, "so how goes the attack plan?"
"Pretty damn good," Discord replied as he took a seat and popped a bottle of bubbly the princess had chilling in an ice bucket nearby, "we are going to attack you tomorrow at dawn. Chrysalis actually did pretty good with the evil plan this time and we have amassed an army of nearly 30,000 troops. I kept her out of the loop, but I can't help but think about how pissed she will be when she finds out that all of this was a setup to assist you."
"Don't worry, once Chrysalis sees the penthouse I have picked out for you she will go bananas," Celestia explained, "this is one of the nicest suites in all of Equestria we are talking about here. And we both know that all females are motivated by nice things. Now what's the plan?"
"Oh you know, three cities at once, I come in with the surprise attack and…" Discord was suddenly cut off by Celestia's lips meeting his. He shoved the princess off of him in disgust. "Whoa! Wait a Faust damned second here what was that about?"
"I just wanted to mess with you a bit," Celestia began to laugh, "you should have seen the look on your face."
"If that ever happens again I will ensure your imminent demise!" Discord leapt out of his seat and shouted over the princess' laughter.
"Oh come off it Discord," Celestia made her way back to the seat, "just tell me the plan already."
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Chrysalis waited in the empty room filled with ornate decorations when Celestia walked in. "So what happened?" the changeling asked.
"Well your man is definitely loyal to you, you should have seen the look on his face when I tried to kiss him," Celestia explained, "I wish I had a camera to… oh wait I did." Celestia took out the hidden camera and showed the picture to Chrysalis.
"Absolutely priceless," Chrysalis chuckled, "so did he tell you the plans?"
"Yeah," Celestia grinned, "but there is just one thing."
"What's that?" the changeling asked.
"He seems so upset that we have had him lying to you this whole time," Celestia explained, "that stupid draconequus really is in love with you."
"Yeah I guess he is," Chrysalis smiled, "but don't call him stupid."
"Whatever, just tell him to quit being so proud of that stupid trick with the preserves," Celestia explained, "if I didn't know better I would think he had a fetish or something."
"Tell me about it." Chrysalis stated as the two royal (so called) enemies shared a laugh.