//------------------------------// // Meet the Pyro // Story: Comedic Burst of Funniness // by Lunatic God //------------------------------// *thunk* My name is Crackling Hum.  *thunk* I'm a criminal.  *thunk* I started fires. I did those by accident.  *thunk* They did not understand. I made them understand.  *thunk* They say shell shock from my war days drove me to madness.  *thunk* That it drove me to arson.  *thunk* They're lucky I understand how peaceful Equestria is now.  *crack* Or they would have to deal with an angry and experienced pyromaniac.  *click* *whoosh* And one heck of a vendetta.  Da. Da. Da-daaaaaaa. ----- Part 1 -Meet the Pyro ----- A red stallion sat in a dark clearing, staring longingly at a massive organized pile of sticks and flammable moss, about the size of the Hearth's Warming tree from the real-life version of the Grinch. His eyes crackled as he lifted a lighter off the wet grass in his dark red magic.  The birds chirped as the trees rustled in the cool wind, creating a calming effect. He flicked the switch for the lighter, creating a small flame that illuminated his indifferent face.  He flicked it the other way, extinguishing the flame as quickly as it had appeared. He repeated this for well over an hour, uncaring about the prey that ran amok.  A pack of Timberwolves appeared at the treeline. The stallion did not move. The wolves crawled into his clearing, obviously hunting for something. They came closer and closer to his unlit bonfire, spreading around the clearing as they sniffed in search of their food.  A pup, no bigger than a tree stump, trotted into view, uncaring about his parents' insistence on staying hidden until it was safe or until they caught the scent once again.  He spotted the stallion playing with flames, wondering why his folks weren't attacking. He yipped, running up to the strange creature. He began sniffing around his bottom, determining the reason why his elders were so scared of a pony. After a moment, he realized that the periodic clicking of the weird pony’s fire maker stopped. He looked up.  He squealed at the surprise of the pony suddenly staring directly into his eyes. He shrunk under his glare, fear filling his twigs as the flame illuminated his maniacal grin.  His father barked, grabbing the scruff of his tinder in his mouth and quickly taking him away from the scary pony. He still looked at him, wide-eyed as the Pony's gaze returned to the pile of wood.  The stallion tossed the lighter into the pile, sadistic glee filling the Pony's eyes as the bonfire quickly burst into flames, creating a bright and burning light in the once darkened clearing.  The pup wondered how many of his ancestors were included in that fire.  ----- Part 2 - A Flame’s Kiss ----- Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy walking on a path in the Everfree, heading towards where Mr.Bear said a fire happened. Rainbow hovered beside the cream-colored pony, trying her best to hide her fear under pride.  She flinched as a howl sounds in the distance, playing tricks on the cyan menace.  “Why are we here, again?” Rainbow asked, still ignorant of Fluttershy’s answers that she had repeated about 1,746 times.  “We’re making sure there wasn't a forest fire." She replied again, starting to get annoyed at her friend, even if she would never admit it.  “How do we know it wasn't just a torch, or Twilight practicing her spells or something?” Rainbow complained, hovering closer to the pink maned pegasus who glittered under the moonlight and has been since that Manticore roared in her face when treating the monster.  “Mr.Bear was very adamant, so it's worth at least checking it out.” She responded, her ears swiveling at a twig snapping, whereas Rainbow nearly died.  “Yeah, but why do I have to go?” Rainbow specified, deciding to walk alongside her friend.  “He said there was a scary pony there, so I'm taking precautions,” Fluttershy said, hopping over a log.  “When has a pony been scary?” Rainbow asked.  “Never. But this pony is ignored by Timberwolves.” Rainbow Gawker at her answer.  “What? That can't be right." Rainbow denied, suddenly very aware of the green eyes in the trees that she was sure she wasn't hallucinating.  “It would be a little suspicious if he said befriended, but Mr.Bear noted that the wolves acted as if the pony would attack at a moment's notice,” Fluttershy explained.  Rainbow scoffed, blowing a strand of rainbow hair out of her face as she crossed her hooves.  “How'd he do that?” Rainbow asked, getting a deadpan look from Fluttershy.  “Fire, Rainbow.” Fluttershy flatly said, taking a sip from her travel canteen. “The wolves are scared of fire.” She finished, placing the canteen back into her saddlebag.  “Why are they afraid of…" Rainbow trailed off as they arrived, gawking once again at the massive bonfire.  “I thought so," Fluttershy said to herself, her face hardening as she marched towards the red stallion sitting just barely out of the flame’s reach.  “Excuse me, mister, but what do you think you're doing?" Fluttershy demanded, glaring at the stallion as Rainbow followed close behind.  “Yeah! You coulda burned down the forest!” Rainbow yelled, flying just above the pony in an attempt to act bigger than she was. Or at least stronger.  The stallion merely rolled his eyes at them, raising Rainbow's anger level.  “HEY! Are you even listening!?" Rainbow screamed down.  The stallion hummed in a negative gesture, shaking his head.  “Well, start listening before I shove my hoof up your-” She yelped and crashed into the ground behind him in surprise after the flames licked her wing.  She scrambled into a sitting position, moving her wing in front of her to look over the damage done.  “What the-” She exclaimed, staring at a black mark that cleanly sliced off a few feather tips.  “What kind of fire is that?!” She exclaimed, glaring at the snickering stallion as her wing returned to her side.  “Stop laughing!" Rainbow ordered, her feelings now burning as well as her wing.  Fluttershy watched in horror as her brain overdid the fear factor over the simplest of things.  “W-Who are you?" Fluttershy whispered. She yelped and jumped back a step as he snapped his head to her, revealing his signature maniacal grin. Her gaze locked onto a device that materialized out of nowhere.  The device had a gas nozzle that looks like it was from Manehatten as a handle, a loose wire leading to a propane tank that was attached to a long and thin pipe. The end grew to reveal an open-ended cylinder, with another small pipe leading under then up in front of it, which had just created a small blue flame.  She screamed in horror as he pulled the trigger with his magic.  “Fluttershy!” ----- Part 3 - Fighting fire with fire ----- “A pony who hurt others ponies? Fascinating…" Twilight muttered, scribbling notes onto a piece of parchment as Fluttershy’s burned nearly beyond recognition body sat opposite the table they occupied.  “Did he say anything?" Twilight asked, returning her eyes to the terrified pegasus.  “N-n-no… He was as silent as a squirrel during winter.” Fluttershy answered, her blue eyes the only remainder of her body before being lit on fire.  “That motherbucker laughed at me!” Rainbow screamed from beside Fluttershy, slamming her hooves on the table. Twilight wrote the outburst down as emotional assault. “I’m sure it wasn’t in a mean way. It was just a small snicker.” Fluttershy commented. “Really? He burned you!” Rainbow shouted at Fluttershy, who shrunk under her outburst. “S-s-sorry if I of-f-fended y-you…” Fluttershy whispered. Rainbow sighed as her expression turned annoyed, sitting back in her chair with her hooves crossed. “Don’t be sorry. My fault.” Rainbow dismissed her apology with a hoof. “What happened that could’ve set him off?” Twilight asked, her teary expression betraying her emotion. “I-I don’t know. Maybe I was a bit too rude? I-” “You were perfectly fine, Flutters. It’s him that’s the problem.” Rainbow interrupted. “But-” “What did he look like?” Twilight asked. “He had a red coat and an orange mane. Probably related to fire. His cutie mark was flames. Again, probably related to fire.” Rainbow explained. “Great.” Twilight smiled, rolling up the parchment and levitating it over to Spike, who was standing beside her reading his comics and sent it to Princess Celestia or, more specifically, Marine.  “Now we wait.” They sat there silently for a moment before Spike burped out another letter in green flames, not bothering to try to catch it as Twilight snatched it out of the air and quickly unrolled it. “What’s wrong, Twilight?” Fluttershy asked, watching the horror grow on her face. “That was most likely an infamous criminal, who goes by the name Pyro.” She explained, looking over the letter at the two charred pegasi. “Did you see anything that looked like a black filter?” Twilight asked the two. She sighed as they both shook their heads, slumping back in her chair. “Okay. Until we figure out who did this, I want you to stay in your homes and recover.” Twilight ordered. “What about Zecora?” Fluttershy asked. “I’ll warn her,” Twilight said. “Now go home, have fun!” She shooed them out. Rainbow yanked her tail out of the way right before the doors slammed shut behind them, glaring behind her before looking over to Fluttershy with a determined face.  “W-what are you gonna do?" Fluttershy asked, slightly shrinking under Rainbow’s gaze in fear or what she'll do.  Rainbow’s features turned soft as she wrapped a wing around Fluttershy, pulling her close.  “Don't worry Flutters, you won't have to do anything." She assured, patting her friend on the back.  Fluttershy relaxed slightly but was still tense. “Then what will you do?” She asked.  “I'm not gonna do anything. All I'll say…" She stared into Fluttershy’s eyes for a moment before finishing.  “Speed is key.”