Chrys-cord: A Tale of Horrible Shipping
Talks of an uprising had been going throughout the tiny civilization of the changelings while there queen was making her way back to the oasis where every last one of the changelings lived. The prosperous, bug-like creatures had thrived in their oasis for centuries, only leaving a couple of times a week for their necessary feedings. The changelings hadn't eaten enough in Equestria, and blamed their queen for her horrible judgement and planning. All of the changelings had been accounted for by the time Chrysalis had made her way back to their oasis some two days later. Cadence's love blast had led to the queen being knocked off course, making her the last changeling to arrive at the oasis. Two days of flying had worn out the queen, who also never got a chance to properly feed for any amount of time. Little did she know the ire she had incurred with her subjects.
"Damn your incompetence!" Chrysalis screamed at her subjects as they buzzed about trying to account for their many casualties, "I give you one simple task, kill Princess Cadence, and instead you throw her in some stupid little cavern!"
"But your excellency," one of her subjects stated, "we are not supposed to kill anything, this species feeds off of love."
"In fact it was your horrible planning that screwed us out of the takeover of Equestria," one of the changelings snapped back, "don't you think we could have just asked them to share the love with us?"
"That's not how we do things!" she shouted back, "we take what is ours."
"You know that we have negotiated with other creatures in the past. Offered them our service in exchange for the ability to feed off of their love, and it has worked out quite well. Now we find a species with enough love to spare us plenty and you ruin it by using hate to take it away from them." The high changeling priest sneered as he stepped forward.
"But what fun is there in that," the Changeling queen began to back up as she noticed her subjects begin to turn on her.
"Viva la revolution!" they screamed in unison as they picked up their queen and dumped her out of their colony. She landed in the desert outside of her massive palace, watching as all of her stuff began to fall out of the window after her when suddenly she noticed something weird happening in the desert before the oasis in front of her.
=======
"Why do we have to carry this statue through the middle of the desert again?" the delivery unicorn asked as he levitated the statue of Discord in front of him.
"Celestia paid us to that's why," his pegasus boss claimed as she began to sweat, "and extra since the changeling oasis is such a long voyage. I guess she figured that the climate would ruin Discord almost immediately if he ever got out of his imprisonment."
"Yeah he really isn't built to handle these conditions," the unicorn replied, "when I told my cousin in Appleoosa about this schmuck, he said that absolutely nothing happened out there. Who would have thought that all it would take to kill the God of Chaos was a couple of hours in the desert?"
"Well obviously Celestia," the pegasus snapped back, "she is the one who told us to bring him out here."
The pair walked on for another twenty minutes, spotting the Changeling oasis up ahead. They had walked some two hours since the last settlement of Equestria and the desert was beginning to take its toll on them. Exhausted, they dropped the statue a few hundred yards away from the royal palace and stopped for a break, sipping on a couple of bottled waters and looking at the sight of the entire changeling civilization. "Boy you would think a group of intelligent creatures would really plan better than to have their entire civilization out in the middle of an oasis less than a mile in diameter," the Pegasus remarked as she sipped on her water bottle.
"Who the heck ever told you these changelings were intelligent, they are a bunch of stupid parasites who feed off of love," the unicorn chuckled back, "of all the stupid crap you could eat, they eat love."
"That is true," the pegasus began to smile, "funniest thing of all is we would have just compromised them if they had just talked about it. What a bunch of morons."
At that moment, they saw the Queen of the changelings fall from a second story window and heard someone call out, "viva la revolution!" from inside of the palace. Discord's statue began to shake and become enveloped in a maroon field of energy.
"Oh shit," the unicorn screamed, "we need to get the Tartarus out of here now!"
=======
The massive maroon explosion could be seen from miles around and Chrysalis could only stare as she watched the evil statue become alive. She saw the delivery ponies run away and began to become aroused at the sight of the mischievous monster that had appeared out of nowhere. "By all that is evil and rotten," Chrysalis gasped, "that creature is magnificent."
As suddenly as he had appeared, Discord had dropped to the ground and begun to cry out for help. Chrysalis did the opposite of her usual nature, and decided to oblige. "Are you ok?" she asked as Discord laid groaning in pain on the ground.
"I am ten feet tall, sixty four pounds, and just woke up from a six month coma in the middle of the desert, in summer, without any water," Discord struggled to speak, "you have no idea just how far from ok I am right now."
Chrysalis couldn't help but giggle at the massive monster laying before her. "Let me guess, Celestia?" she asked as the disposed queen tried to help Discord to his feet.
"Yes, but how did you know?" Discord stared at his new acquaintance in wonder.
"Because that horrible pony thwarted my plans, made me look like a foal, and in the long run even caused all of my subjects to abandon me," Chrysalis explained as she stared deeply into the eyes of her new companion, "my name is Chrysalis, former queen of the changelings, and I would let you into that massive palace as my guest, but I am no longer welcome there."
"Well Chrysalis, I am Discord," the lord of chaos announced proudly, "and if I don't get out of this sun in about twenty minutes I will literally die."
"I can help you, I know of a cave about a mile to the east," Chrysalis explained as she began to walk, "inside there is an underground pond full of the coldest, most enchanted water this desert has ever seen. If we keep up a good pace we can make it there in about fifteen minutes."
"Now that's the first good news I have heard in millennia," Discord followed the deposed royalty, "please show me the way your majesty." Discord had made it a point to bow after addressing the changeling as 'your majesty' listening to her giggle with delight again afterwards.
=======
After almost twenty minutes of walking through the desert, Discord looked like he would collapse at any moment. The conversation between the villains had been lovely, but Discord feared that if he did not get water soon then all hope would be lost. Then as he began to feel his body start to give out, Chrysalis finally spotted the cave less than a hundred yards away. "We will be protected from the elements in this sanctuary," she explained as she walked towards the cave, "I promise you that you will be well again soon."
"I cannot tell you how much I am indebted to you for all of your help," Discord smiled, speaking sincerely was not usually one of his strong suits, but for once it just felt right. "I am willing to do anything to make this up to you."
"Anything you say," Chrysalis stated as she moved a massive rock aside with her magic. Discord stared at her, now wondering what her angle was. "Oh don't worry, I will need a favor of you when the time is right," Chrysalis explained as she led the beast into the cavern, "you will know when I am ready for your favor."
"That's exactly what I was afraid of," Discord claimed as he felt the cool air inside of the cave. Albeit the entrance was seemingly small, the cave itself was actually quite large inside. A massive cavern filled with stalactites and stalagmites, did exactly what the queen had described, shielding them from the sun's harmful rays. She sealed the rock behind them, using a light spell from her twisted, porous horn to lead the way. "Don't you think that this is a bit pointless, you can't keep up that spell forever you know," Discord stated as Chrysalis continued to lead him deeper into the cave.
"What?" Chrysalis coyly asked, "don't you trust me?"
"Umm no," Discord answered, "last time I checked we were both villains."
Chrysalis giggled at the statement. "Oh Discord, you have such a sense of humor," she claimed as the room began to glow without her horn's light. "This is where I was telling you about, the water here holds a special magical energy that ancient changelings had used to heal the sick. We have since changed our ways and the magical waters have become obsolete. In fact only three changelings even know that this place still exists, and as the former queen I am one of them."
"Well I must admit that I am thoroughly impressed," Discord claimed as he bent over to drink some water, "this is absolutely divine." He paused for a moment and watched the queen as she walked towards another part of the cave, thinking to himself 'almost as divine as that flank of yours'. As he drank the water, he could feel himself become strong once more, his magic fully powered and his body completely hydrated.
=======
The two villains sat around and talked for hours, waiting for the sun to set so that they could safely venture out into the night. Discord made some cupcakes and chocolate milk appear out of nowhere, "you must be famished, care for some?" Discord held out a cupcake to Chrysalis, thinking that she would need to accept his offer.
"I cannot digest pony food," she stated as she laid on the floor, "I have not fed in three days, two of them were spent flying my way back to the oasis after Cadence's horrific blast knocked my off course. So many of my changelings were wounded or killed because of my stupid plan so I do not deserve to feed."
"We all make mistakes love," Discord tried to console the changeling, "you have a burden on your shoulders that I could only have nightmares of. I am just stuck as this chaotic deity forced to cause crap wherever I go, you tried to feed your subjects and failed. They will make their way on their own, from what you have told me the changelings are very resourceful. But you must eat something or else you will die."
"I can only process love," Chrysalis frowned, "and there is almost nothing which can replace that. And after all of the horrible things I have done who says death isn't what I deserve." Discord stepped forward and hugged the changeling, petting her mane as she began to gently sob. Showing weakness was not in her character, but for some reason the pair just felt so safe and secure among each other that it didn't matter. Discord couldn't quite put his finger on it, but something just seemed so right about his new companion. She fell asleep in Discord's arms as he continued to gently pet her mane, he drifted off shortly thereafter.
=======
"I missed my window of opportunity and it's all your fault queen crybaby," Discord sneered as he walked to where the changeling slept, "the night has come and gone and I spent it sleeping next to you instead of enacting my revenge."
"Well you chose to stay here," Chrysalis snapped back, "I never forced you to do anything and yet her you are still stuck in this cave with a dying changeling. I hope me laying here with no strength doesn't inconvenience your chaotic plans."
"It does," Discord snapped back, "I spent the entire night comforting you while you wallowed in self-pity and got nothing. I am evil for Faust's sake, this type of thing goes against my very nature, but here I am stuck with the worst evil ruler in history, stuck in a cave until nightfall once again, twenty feet under the ground having to listen to you. 'Oh I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm the dumbest changeling ever and I deserve this but let me wallow in my own filth some more!'" Discord mocked the queen, not realizing what he was doing to her both emotionally and physically.
"Please stop," Chrysalis cried as she began to feel weaker and weaker, "hatred can only harm me more."
"You idiot I am evil," Discord snapped back, "I don't care about anything other than chaos and you are completely worthless to me."
"Please, I want to call in my only favor with you, I beg of you to think about what you are saying," Chrysalis cried out, "you at least owe me that after I saved your life."
"Fine," Discord snarled as he watched the changeling struggle to even hold up her head, "but for the record, this has been the worst day of my life."
"Ditto," Chrysalis whispered as her head dropped and the tears continued to fall.
=======
Discord saw that Chrysalis was no longer conscious. He gave her a drink of the healing water, only to see her eyes briefly flutter and her go back into her comatose state. He levitated the changeling up and dunked her into the water, holding her under for five seconds before placing her gently back where she had been. She regained consciousness but remained weak and wary. "I wanted to say that I am… sorry about earlier," Discord stated, "my selfishness got the best of me and after all you have done you deserve to be treated better than that."
"I…needed…that," the changeling queen struggled to spit out the words as she barely had any strength at all.
"Oh come on Chrysalis, there must be something I can do," Discord walked over to the changeling and got down on her level, "I still owe you for saving my life, please tell me how to save yours."
"Embarassing," Chrysalis struggled to say, "but… sex is… close to love…. it can… replace a meal… for me."
"Darling I haven't had any kind of relations in over a thousand years," Discord sheepishly tried to explain, "I might kill you from force alone."
"Only way…I know how," Chrysalis stated as she feebly rolled over, "please save me."
Discord was at a loss. It seemed that every male's dream was to somehow use his penis to save a female, and this female was one who had not only stricken his fancy from the beginning, but had thus far proved herself worthy of his saving. But after a thousand years trapped in stone, Discord wasn't even sure that his little chaos would work anymore. He finally made a decision. "I will give it my best," Discord stated as he took a deep breath and began to slowly kiss the nape of the changeling's neck. His lips worked their way down until reaching a much more sensitive area, making the changeling squeal in delight. 'Maybe I haven't lost it after all', Discord thought to himself before commencing in the act.
=======
"You amazing male specimen," Chrysalis stated as she laid next to Discord feeling more alive than she had in years, "I have no clue how you did half of the stuff you just did, but it was amazing beyond all logic and reason."
"Well that's partly because of magic, partly because of size, and partly because of stamina," Discord bragged, "and for some reason the end result for me tends to be chocolate syrup."
"It's not just that, I think you may be the first male I have ever met who truly gets me," Chrysalis stated as she rolled over and met her eyes with his, "you have done things to me that I have only dreamed, and we have connected on such a personal level these past two days. Hell you saved my life today."
"Oh Chrysalis I think I know where this is going," Discord began to smile, "I think I am in love with you, or at least suffering a deep infatuation."
"Changelings aren't supposed to feel love, we are supposed to feed off of it," Chrysalis began to frown, "but I think I am done with being evil, I no longer want to just use others like some kind of succubus. I only want to spend my days and nights with you Discord. I couldn't care what the other changelings think, I am no longer their leader anyway so it truly doesn't matter. I love you, you chaotic son of a bitch."
"And I love you Chrysalis," Discord grinned as he wrapped his claw around the changeling, "are you up for round five."
"If you keep this up I might get fat," she smiled as Discord began to laugh at a joke other than his own for the first time in a long time, "and please just call me Chrys."
=======
"Well sister it looks like your plan for allowing the changelings an hour of feeding every day has been a compromise that everyone involved can live with," Luna stated as she walked into her sister's bedroom, "but I'm assuming that your plan of letting two of your worst villains team up isn't working so well."
"Haha shows what you know," Celestia smirked as she held up an orb showing Discord and Chrysalis cuddling inside of the cave, "they have both given up evil and love each other. It turns out they weren't all that evil, just loaded with tons of pent up sexual tension."
"Well I'll be dammed," Luna grinned, "I guess I owe you twenty bits for this one."