//------------------------------// // 100% (In)compatible // Story: Match-Maker // by 23 KM To Nerdiness //------------------------------// Pain surges through Marc's brain when he comes to. His blurred vision subsides as he finds himself in a brightly lit room sitting across a familiar face. "Are you ready to begin?" "Bon Bon?" Marc winces. "What the hell are you talking about?" "How would you describe your performance in the relationship?" she asks, carrying a tablet. "What the hell's going on?" "Very satisfactory, satisfactory, or needs improvement?" "Why am I tied to a chair?" "We'll put 'needs improvement'." Bon Bon mutters. "Would you agree that your worst qualities are clinginess, painfully naive, and overly emotional?" "No, I wouldn't, where the hell am I?!" "Exit interview. Wait, did you not get debriefed?" "Debriefed?" Bon Bon sighs and pulls out a remote, bringing down a large tv screen. "Please watch this informational video." The screen clicks on, showing footage of a tall man "Hi, I'm Doctor 'Time Turner' Whooves, founder and CEO of Make-A-Match, and I'd like to say thank you, for it's biogenetic love companions like you that make what we do absolutely possible." "Bio-whaa?" Marc slurs. "Ever feel like you were made for someone?" Whooves continues. "You were! Bred here in the Genesis Vats at Make-A-Match Heartquarters, your genome, personality, and artificial memories were hand crafted by literal love doctors to the EXACT specifications of your romantic partner. But love doesn't always work out-" "Tell me about it." Marc groans. "Which brings you here to the returns department. Good news: since the Sentient Life Form Protection Act forbids us from terminating you against your will, you'renow free to live out your days in blissful servitude at Make-A-Match, Inc." "U-Uh, no. I don't wanna do that, I wanna go home-" "This is your home now, so make the most of it. Career opportunities include: genesis vat repair, custodial services, technical support. That is all. And if you really wanna take your career to the next level, volunteer for our biomatter recycling program and be a part of the next generation of Make-A-Match companions. As a scientist myself, I assure you it's 100% fun." In the background, someone steps into a recycling pod and pops into a cheap effect of sparkles, startling Marc. "Thanks for watching and welcome to life after love." "So, you're telling me that I'm not an indie music blogger?" "Of course not." Bon Bon scoffs. "Have you seen your apartment?" "Okay, well, if I have all these fake implants of memories, then tell me, what'd I do for my eighth birthday?" "You went to a water park." "Okay then, what about my ninth birthday?" "I don't remember all of your birthdays. Any further questions can be directed to your group." Bon Bon activates a door and ushers Marc in. Inside, to his shock, is four versions of himself, each with different personalities and attire. "Oh, hi, Marc." one greets happily. "Uh....." Marc utters. "Come on, let me give you the warp speed tour." Bon Bon continues down the hallway as Marc pulls Marc inside the room. "This is Marc 1. He was Twilight's first companion." "Piss off." Marc 1 sighs, bouncing a ball off the wall. "He was hers for three months up until Marc 2 came around." "Sup, bro." Marc 2 grunts, lifting dumbbells. Then there was Marc 3." "Namaste." Marc 3 whispers, splashing paint on a canvas. "And, last but not least, there's me. Marc 4." "Nice to meet.......me." Marc "So, uh, what was it this time?" "Uh......I told her I loved her." Every Marc in the room responded with groans and scoffs and sighs and winces. "Don't listen to these guys, 'kay?" Marc 4 says. "They're still hung up on her.......but, how is she doing?" "S-She's doing great." Marc states. "She's finishing up med school, she's talking to her sister again, she's happy. She's growing out her vinyl collection. You know, next week, we're-" The small smile that had grew on his face soon fades away, as well as the smiles on the other Marcs. "Next week, we were supposed to go to a concert." Marc 4 gives Marc a light pat on the back as every other Marc continue their day in complete silence. "This is your home now." Whooves' voice chimes on the intercom. And so, Marc spends many, many days going through the monotonous life of Make-A-Match, Inc., waking up in the same colorless bed, eating the same unidentifiable pink slime, monitoring the same cloning pod that's slowly conceiving a brand new Marc, drawing Twilight's DNA tattoo on the wall for each day, rinse and repeat. One day, Bon Bon strolls down the hallway, Marc accidentally bumps into her, making her drop her clipboard. "Damn it!" she grunts. "U-Uh, oh, I am so sorry." Marc winces, handing her the clipboard. "I am so sorry. I'm such a klutz." "What's your version number?" "It's, uh, Marc 5, ma'am. I-It won't happen again." "Let's hope not." "Absotively." he mutters. "I-I mean, absolutely, of course." Bon Bon rolls her eyes and carries on with her day. As she steps out of sight, Marc stares at Bon Bon's ID hidden behind his back with a sly grin before running the other way towards a door marked "RESTRICTED" where Marc 4 stands by. "Dude, come on, don't torture yourself like this." he moans. "Just keep an eye out." Marc says, unlocking the door with the ID. Marc 4 holds the door ajar as Marc heads inside where "Alright, here we go." he says to himself analyzing the tech. Searching through the computer's windows, he finds a profile containing Marcs 1-5 and notices a 6th and looks over its stats. "How can we improve your love companion?" Marc reads aloud. "Improve your love companion." Marc 4 scoffs. "Occupation........lawyer?" "Pffft, a lawyer.....actually, that's good." On the screen appeared Twilight's "requests": - SMARTER - TALLER - BETTER KISSER - LESS CLINGY - MORE CONFIDENT - FAVORITE MUSIC: "ANYTHING BUT INDIE ROCK" "Hey, did she keep anything?" asked Marc 4. Marc stares blankly at the screen. ".......nothing." he utters. A few days later, Marc lies under his bedsheets moaning in despair. "What's up with him?" Marc 2 asks. "They're activating the new Marc today." Marc 4 states, brushing his teeth. "Think he's taking it pretty hard. You know, he hasn't eaten in days?" "Jeez." "We need to get him to open up." Meanwhile, in another part of Make-A-Match, Inc., Bon Bon interviews the clone in a cafe setting. "So, what do you do?" she asks. "I'm a lawyer." he says nonchalantly. "I work downtown." "Uh huh, and where are you from?" "Pennsylvania, born and raised." "If you could be any animal, what kind of animal would you be?" "I'd be a shark. 'Cuz they never stop moving. Neither do I. But you know what, enough about me, right? Let's talk about you." "I'm good, thank-" "You like music? 'Cuz I don't, especially indie rock, ugh." As Bon Bon continues to mark off her tablet's checklist, the other Marcs ease their way towards their grieving brother. "Sad bro," Marc 2 calls out. "You okay over there?" "Alright, buddy." Marc 1 sighs, reaching for the covers. "Time to wipe away those tears, and kick the day's ass- AHHHHHHHH!!!" Every Marc screams as they find themselves staring down at a naked, pale Marc clone screaming back at them. Back at the 'cafe'... "Look, I'm an upfront guy." Marc shrugs. "I don't see this going anywhere, so, what do you say we call it?" "This is over, you can go." Bon Bon says flatly. "Good luck out there." "Absotively." Bon Bon's eyes widen as she stares back at Marc. "I mean, -lutely." Marc mutters before heading for the doors. "Hey." Bon Bon calls, stopping the man in his tracks. "What's your model number?" "Six." "CODE SAPPHIRE!" she exclaims. "REPEAT, CODE SAPPHIRE!" Cover blown, Marc dashes for the door as sirens wailed around the room. Fellow 'patrons' of the cafe lunge from their seats narrowly missing him from all angles. Suddenly, Sunset tackles him and roughly zaps him in the neck, knocking him out once more. "Marc?" a voice echoed as Marc awakens from a head throbbing slumber. "Marc, wake up." The groggy man lifts his head and finds CEO Doctor 'Time Turner' Whooves himself casually cutting a hunk of steak with with a knife and fork. "I'm proud of ya, lad." Whooves nods. "I really am." "Huh?" Marc slurs. "I mean, most companions would never dream of escaping, but you, you really would do anything to be with her again." "Whooves..." "I know how hard it is, how bad it hurts." "Like hell you do." Marc coughs. "You get to leave here. You get to go home to someone you love." "Well......not exactly." Whooves sighs. "Truth be told, she was like my Twilight. It wasn't until she died that I realized how rare true love is and how awful life is without it. And that's what this place is all about. There is NOT someone out there for everyone, but there should be." "Marc, do you want to live in a cold, cramped cage day after day, OR use your God-given gifts to make someone smile? You were BORN to love Twilight, mind, body and soul. It is your purpose, and you can fulfill that purpose again.....by being a part of the new Marc. Through his eyes, you can see her smile again." "The recycling tube." Marc says, eyes widened. "Cows don't leave the slaughterhouse, lad." Whooves states. "Steaks do." Marc looks down at the table as Whooves slides the plate of steak towards him. "Chew on that." he whispers in his ear before leaving him in the quiet room.