//------------------------------// // Chapter 4 // Story: Hadrian the Pothead Prince // by Pootie D. Trillist //------------------------------// The Worst Night Ever Discord could feel the chaos rising all around him as the city of Canterlot began to erupt into total anarchy. His internal energy began to build, his power levels rising. A group of hooded ponies sat around his statue, chanting the words "chaos rises, flowing freely through our streets, Discord shall end his unholy slumber, and see to the Princesses defeat." His power grew, as even in the concrete form the elements of harmony could not stop the prowess of the deity of chaos, he knew that his time had arrived. The ponies began to cheer as he slowly turned back into his regular form, his body no longer stone, his heart full of anger, his mind full of evil thoughts of vengeance and malice. "I am going to slaughter all of pony kind," he declared, as he finally broke free from his imprisonment, "starting with those of you foolish enough to help wake me up." "Well that would be a terrible idea," stated a tall, slender, unicorn mare who took off her hood, "for you need our cult as much as we need you." "Miss Fleur De Lis I presume," Discord jeered back, "and how is mister Fancy Pants." "I divorced him and got half of his money and the hover boat," Fleur smiled deviously as she spoke, "but he has fallen for a younger unicorn named Rarity. That chubby hick is easing his suffering, and I do not like it one bit." "So you caused massive chaos to help set me free just to make his life worse," Discord scoffed, "talk about evil, and here I thought I was bad." "No you twit, Fancy Pants isn't important," Hoity Toity removed his cloak and snapped at the beast, "in fact that ex royal guard stallion is nothing to our society. We have freed Solaris, and sent a messenger to the changelings. If the three biggest enemies to the crown suddenly meet up and one of them becomes a threat to our cause we will simply have the other powers dispatch of them." "Well I could still kill all of you before they get here, so tell me what is your cause and what is in it for me?" Discord asked as he took a seat on the base where the statue once stood. "We are trying to remove Celestia, end the peace and love amongst peasants, and establish a new hierarchy in which the richest families in Equestria rule over those who we deem to be inferior." Fleur explained. "And of course, you would have the honor of killing Luna and making as much chaos for the ponies as possible." Hoity added. "Well then, I guess I'm in," Discord explained, "but that Solaris is not evil enough, he merely wants revenge for his fallen ancestors. I will have to kill him and receive take the crown once he and those awful changelings finish Celestia." ======= In the bowels of the most horrible part of the Shetlands, an icy country north of Equestria, the vile Queen Chrysalis was leading her massive army to a horrific defeat against a hoard of Viking ponies, when a unicorn appeared before her bearing a message. "What the hell do you want, can't you see were in the middle of a battle to feed off of something," Chrysalis screamed over the noisy sounds of the battle, "I have to win this or else my changelings starve to death." "Well I have come here to alert you to the fact that our society of ponies want to help you," Jet Setter replied as the queen suddenly became happy, "you can stop fighting wars, and help us along with the combined forces of Discord and Lord Solaris to overthrow Celestia and take Equestria for the richest among us. We will in return give you the middle class city of Manehattan to suck dry of all its life force. That's over a million ponies, full of true love towards one another, all yours for the taking." "Tempting offer," Chrysalis replied, "But I have to ask one thing, can I be the one to kill that disgustingly nice Princess Cadence?" "We will give you her and Shining Armor just for yourself," Jet Setter grinned, "Do we have a deal?" "Consider Celestia's coffin sealed," Chrysalis seethed. She ordered the retreat, causing the great Viking ponies to cheer with joy at their seeming victory over a much greater foe. The changelings disappeared, followed by Jet Setter as they teleported back to the sacred meeting spot outside of Canterlot. ======= "Cadence, you must leave Canterlot now," Celestia stated as the young princess walked into the room, "there is nowhere that is safe for you here my daughter." "DAUGHTER?" Shining Armor screamed as he walked into the room, "but this whole time I thought you were her niece." "Geeze, I think Twilight got all the brains in your family," Cadence chuckled, "I mean you haven't figured it out yet? I am twenty six years old, mom has no living sisters other than Luna, and the only living relatives other than us are my distant cousin Solaris, and mom's great grandson Blueblood." "Well I don't know, I just thought my wife was honest with me," the royal guard captain sneered back. "Both of you knock it off," Celestia screamed, "this is serious, we were able to peacefully resolve the riots earlier, but something is amiss in Equestria. Discord no longer sits in the garden, yet the sky does not turn to cotton candy. A report came in from the Viking commander Lachlan Templar today stating that the Changelings have ceased their assault on the Shetlands. And worst of all, my vengeful cousin Solaris has escaped his imprisonment. This may mean the end of Equestria. Your brother Hadrian is too stubborn to run away, but I know that you will escape to safety if need be. Shining Armor, Fancy Pants himself chose you to replace him as Captain of the Guard two years ago, and you have yet to disappoint. Please see to it that at least one of my children makes it out of this country alive." "NO," replied Cadence indignantly, "I refuse to let my mother be killed by some rebellious cult. I will stay here and fight for you and all of Equestria." "And I will command your troops no matter what happens," Shining Armor declared, "but first, Celestia I am not trying to be disrespectful, but I have to know just how many children do you have?" "Well four actually," Celestia painfully forced a smile, "two of them died a long time ago, but Cadence and Hadrian have become quite the dignitaries. I must say that I am very proud of my children." ======= "Behold fellow members," shouted the cloaked unicorn leader from atop his pedestal, "the twenty families have all assembled here today for the great moment of truth." He threw down his cloak revealing his golden coat and emerald green mane. His jet black eyes seemed to pierce the very souls of his cult as their leader's brilliant form was finally revealed. "I, Illuminatus Ingolstadt, am pleased to announce the arrival of our allies in evil. Discord, the God of Chaos who has been so kind as to accept the offer of Fleur De Lis and Hoity Toity; Chrysalis, the queen of the changelings who has accepted the offer of Jet Setter; and of course the half mad Lord Solaris, who has been brought here today by none other than Filthy Rich. If you all could please enter the room so that we may make the bond of common evil official, it would be much obliged." At that moment all of the wealthy elites disrobed and revealed their regal identities to the rest of their peers. The villainous procession of evil began as cheers surrounded the entrance of Discord, Solaris, and Chrysalis. Solaris entered with tact and dignity, his general's uniform in pristine condition and his golden leg shining as he gracefully swaggered down the temple's center aisle. Chrysalis entered on a throne hoisted by her subjects, blowing kisses to the crowd and literally feeding off of the love they showed her. Finally, Discord hammed up his entrance, giving brohoofs to every single member of the cult, and doing the moonwalk. Discord ended with the robot, was shoved over by Chrysalis, and decided to take the opportunity to spin on his head, earning more cheers than he deserved. "Showoff," Chrysalis muttered under her breath. "Our allies of evil," Illuminatus proudly declared, "join me in prayer to the evil ruler of Tartarus for our mutual understanding, and protection of our greed and hatred from the likes of those pesky elements of harmony." The villains joined hooves in a prayer circle around a pentagram in the center of the floor, not really believing in what the cult leader was preaching, but doing it anyway just to get on with the invasion. "By all the evils of Tartarus, the slimy scum of the bowels of pony hell, we beg of you to aid us in our unholy quest to destroy Celestia and spread fear throughout the land. Give us the strength to do our evil bidding, and punish all those who dare stand in our way." "So can we cause chaos now?" Discord stated as a gigantic devious grin appeared on his face. "Yes, the time is neigh, tonight the New Pony Order will rise!" Illuminatus declared as the crowd began to cheer loudly. ======= "WOOHOO lets do some more shots," shouted Pinkie Pie as she and Rainbow Dash ran over to the refreshments table and did just that. "Dude, Pinkie Pie, this is the best party I have ever been to," Rainbow Dash stated with a massive grin. DJ Pon3 was performing her new song from her new album, "Back to the Vinyl," and was receiving a lot of love from the crowd of almost four hundred ponies. Sugar Cube Corner's basement had become too crowded, so the party had been moved outside, where ponies had shown up in the masses to listen to the jams. The police had been called at one point, but instead of making arrests and breaking up the massive event, they had joined in the festivities. The Chief of Ponyville Police herself was out there, smoking blunts with none other than the mayor. It was now just after eleven o'clock, Macintastic had returned to the rap scene just after Vinyl Scratch had called him up on the stage with her for some freestyle. In town for the weekend to visit his daughters Sparkler and Dinky Doo was none other than the unicorn rapper Sprinkles Wallace, who had also made his way up to the stage. The party was only getting bigger as time went on. "Chug, chug, chug," chanted a group of ponies as Fluttershy had finally decided to come out from hiding inside the bakery to have a few drinks. She was now thoroughly drunk, stoned, and screaming about how she needed to get laid. Hadrian saw the creepers beginning to approach her and decided to intervene. "Hey Fluttershy, you know that Sprinkles Wallace up there just said that he wanted to meet you," Hadrian stated as the few creepers began to walk away in disappointment. "Oh really, that's soooo awesome," she giggled as she tripped over her own hooves, "I never did it with someone famous before." Hadrian walked Fluttershy over to where Sprinkles was taking a break on the side of the stage. He rolled up a blunt in front of the unicorn rapper and lit it up. "Was good wit it Sprinkles," Hadrian greeted the MC with a hoof slap. "Not mutha buckin much my pony," Sprinkles replied as he waited for Hadrian to pass him the blunt, "my ex Ditzy Doo is trippin on some earth pony who just be callin himself the Doctor, and he aint even rappin with that name. I had to pay her child support for the fillies, but Sparkler is gettin hella big an I aint even seen her since before she had that flank mark." "I feel you my stallion," Hadrian let out a massive puff of smoke, "but it's funny that you mention that your ex is a pegasus, do you have a thing for a mare with wings?" "Tartarus to the yeah colt," Sprinkles laughed, "winged mares are so light and real good at love makin. I been with Spitfire, then two of her teammates. I even got with Cadence once but you know how I do." "You mean my sister Cadence?" Hadrian asked as he suddenly felt a tinge of anger bubble up inside of him. "Yeah but I aint mean no disrespect brony," Sprinkles passed the blunt back to Hadrian, "I woulda married her if it wasn't for Shining Armor's bitch ass. That guard captain is one corny unicorn." "I feel you there," Hadrian stated after checking to make sure Twilight wasn't nearby. "But about the pegasi, I found a cute little blonde one chillin by the drink table. She is one of those quiet, laid back types and she has had way too much to drink. Now I am not gonna make this some kind of bull crap so I will let you know right now that even if she was sober she would jump on the chance to kick it with you." "True dat," Sprinkles smiled, "I do love the quiet ones." Hadrian wrapped Fluttershy up in a field of energy and set her in front of the MC. She began to squee with delight at the sight of her favorite rapper. "This one is cute though," Sprinkles claimed, "good look on that young prince." "Anytime my stallion, keep your hoof strong," Hadrian turned to leave, a grin stretching from ear to ear. "Wow you just set up my friend with a superstar rapper," Twilight grinned as she stumbled towards Hadrian, "is there anything you can't do?" "Well I can't stand on my hind legs, rub my stomach with one hoof, pat my head with the other, and sing the Zebra alphabet backwards at the same time," Hadrian admitted, "but other than that I don't think so." Twilight laughed at the corny joke, "oh my Faust, I don't know how you did it but I think I'm starting to fall for you." "No I think you are just a little bit tipsy and a lotta bit high," Hadrian remarked as Twilight laughed yet again, "we need to get you to the munchies table as soon as possible." Hadrian walked with the stumbling Twilight as they made their way to the refreshments. The party was officially off the hook, more and more guests were arriving and Macintastic's comeback performance had proven to be one of his best. DJ Pon3 was on the turntables, Sprinkles was dropping a few crazy versus alongside the other legends, and things seemed like they couldn't get any better. Spike was flirting with Sweetie Belle after the tipsy Rarity had forced the two of them to converse, and was finding that she was a lot cooler than her big sister. Spike went to take a sip of the punch when suddenly he felt himself belch up a note. "Dude that was gross," Sweetie Belle grimaced at the dragon's disgusting note. "I can't help it," Spike explained, "Celestia transports her letters to Twilight this way and I'm stuck as their medium." He ignored the perturbed little unicorn for a second and opened up the letter, what he saw quickly turned his attitude from one of having a blast to one of absolute fear. "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry Sweetie Belle but this is really, really important. I have to get Twilight immediately." Spike couldn't spot Twilight in the massive crowd and ran up onto the stage. He shoved the DJ out of her booth and made an announcement. "Attention to all six ponies who wield the Elements of Harmony, along with his royal highness Prince Hadrian. I have just received word from Princess Celestia that the royal city of Canterlot is under attack by multiple villains and her own citizens. You must report to the princess immediately because once again the fate of Equestria rests in your hooves." "Oh no," Hadrian cried out as he pulled Twilight off of the refreshments table, "this is far worse than I have feared, the Cupiditas et Maledicam Chaos has taken full strength far before the next full moon. We must go to Canterlot immediately." ======= In Canterlot the situation, which had seemed stable a mere hour previously had once again become out of hand. Looting and burning in the streets had arrived first, with the enchanted ponies screaming about anarchy. Like something out of a punk rock video, all of the ponies who had not smoked any herb in a few weeks had taken to the streets, destroying everything in sight. "Tonight my cultists we will finally make our will known to the world," Illuminatus screamed from atop a house, "Canterlot's residents will burn the fair city to the ground, the streets will run red with the blood of the old regime. Together we will rule Equestria in the name of all that is greed!" "Greed is magic," echoed throughout the streets of the city as Canterlot burned. The evil invasion had begun.