//------------------------------// // Chapter 5: Celestia Strikes Back // Story: Her Big Brother, His Big Problem // by Rabuiods //------------------------------// The next morning, Laughing Stock and Twilight Sparkle found themselves in bed. After Princess Celestia’s ghost story the night before, they were doing their best to stay out of her way. “Why should I see if she is awake?” The stallion hissed at Twilight when she suggested one of them should check on the princess. “Because, I’d rather have you rot in a dungeon for the rest of your life.” “…love you too, sweetheart.” The couple saw Princess Luna walk past their door. They quietly called her into the room. “Good Morning Twilight and Laughing Stock, we hope thou are having a pleasant morning.” They asked if her sister was feeling alright after the effects of the wine from the night before. “We haven’t seen her yet, but we will be more than willing to check for thou.” Luna walked across the hall and began to speak to her sister through the door. “SISTER, WE WANTED TO SEE IF THOU WERE STILL FEELING UNDER THE WEATHER.” The sound of a shattering vase from the other side of the door told the three ponies everything they needed to know. In an attempt to avoid flying pottery in their future, the group decided to move downstairs. They found themselves in the kitchen discussing their plans for the day over bowls of cereal. “What did you want to do today Twilight?” “I was hoping to spend some time together considering we haven’t done that...” “Sounds like a plan, what did you have in mind?” “Let’s take a walk! Cadance told me about this romantic spot not too far from here!” Princess Luna interrupted the couple’s conversation with a question of her own. “May we accompany thou on the romantic stroll? Twilight gently bit her lower lip. As much as she enjoyed Luna’s company, she wanted to be alone with her very special somepony. “What are Cadance and Shining Armor doing today?” “We do not know. They have been locked in their room since last night. She had a horrible night’s slumber though.” “Really?” The comedian looked up from his bowl of cereal. “Why would you say that, Luna?” “Our dear Princess Cadance was having horrible night terrors. She was screaming for most of the night.” “Really? Laughing Stock was now very interested. “What kind of things was she screaming?” “Well, Shining Armor must have been in a deep slumber, because she was screaming his name. Then when she discovered he wasn’t waking up, she decided to call for our sister.” “Interesting. How was she calling your sister?” “OH CELESTIA” Luna explained. “And my sister must have arrived to her aid, because she seemed quite satisfied by the way she was helping her.” The grin on the stallion’s face was enormous. Twilight laid her face on the table, she couldn’t believe her boyfriend was doing this. “And how did you know she was satisfied with your sister’s work?” “Because all we could hear for many minutes was YES! OH CELESTIA! YES! Poor Cadance, we feel bad she had to suffer through such a massive night terror.” “Oh, I bet it was massive.” Out of fear Princess Luna would be exposed to anymore of Cadance’s “night terrors”, she allowed the princess to come along on their walk. *** The lovebirds continued to walk towards the location of the overlook that Twilight heard so much about, Princess Thirdwheel was close behind. Turning to her boyfriend, the purple unicorn asked him how he was enjoying the vacation. “It’s fine. I just enjoy spending so much time with my Cuddle Wuddle Honey Bear!” Laughing Stock gently began to nuzzle his mare’s nose while a confused Luna watched. “Her name is Twilight Sparkle. Why did thou refer to her as Cuddle something or other?” “Oh…we just have little pet names for each other. It’s just a fun thing couples do. Her pet name for me is Super Du-“ “Laughing Stock, there are things we talk about in public and things we talk about in private. This falls into the private category.” The stallion covered his girlfriend’s mouth and finished his explanation. “Anyway, she calls me her Super Duper Stocking Stuffer beca-“ Twilight managed to get her mouth free, and bit her Stocking Stuffer’s forehoof. “Haven’t you ever had a special stallion or mare in your life Luna?” Twilight asked, while the injured pony coddled his injured limb. “We never had the opportunity to find a mate.We were too young before our banishment, and there are not any suitable ponies on the moon. We did manage to meet somepony before we left on our trip though.” The comedian recovered from the painful nibble, and gave Luna a bit of advice. “Have you talked to this somepony before?” “We have spoken with him on a few occasions, but we have achieved our desired level of intimacy yet.” “It’s probably because he is shy. Next time you have an opportunity alone with him, you grab his mane and you tell him how you feel, and kiss him.” Luna turned to his girlfriend and asked if this would work. “I suppose, it worked on me.” “It has been decided, we will give your advice a try if the opportunity ever presents itself. Thank you Laughing Stock.” After after trekking through the snow covered terrain, they arrived at the romantic location. It was a cliff that overlooked the snowy valley below them. The only thing the trio could see were rolling hills and trees that stretched into the horizon. The young couple sat on the edge on the cliff, looking out at the snow covered landscape. Twilight’s head leaned against her stallions shoulder. “Isn’t this beautiful?” “It is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen, behind the stars and you of course.” She looked up at her boyfriend with a dreamy stare. “I know I say this all the time, but how did I wind up with such an amazing stallion?” The comedian kissed the base of his girlfriend’s horn as he pulled her in closer. He turned his head to his right to see what Princess Luna was doing. She was sitting on a rock, while she used her magic to poke a bush with a stick. “Luna, come here for a second.” Luna walked to Laughing Stock, and he placed his forehoof around her neck. “In case I haven’t told you, I think you are a great pony, I hope we can be friends forever.” “That is impossible. Thou will perish eventually, which will hinder our quest to be companions for eternity.” *** Much to the trio’s surprise, Princess Celestia was out of bed when they made it back to the cabin. She appeared to be her cheerful self once again, with bags full of groceries. “Why, hello everypony! I hope you all are having a pleasant morning!” The group looked at each other, they weren’t sure which princess was in front of them. “I owe every one of you an apology for my behavior the past few hours. It was inexcusable and I will do my best to act the way a ruler should.” “Princess, you have no need to worry.” Twilight ran up to her mentor and wrapped her hooves around her neck. “You are the best ruler anypony could ever ask for, you deserve to relax and unwind every once in a while.” Patting her most faithful student on her head, she asked what they had planned for the rest of the day. “We just finished taking a walk.” The comedian helped Celestia with the groceries. “Did you have something in mind?” “In matter of fact, I do have an idea. Give me a few minutes to prepare myself.” Twilight offered to stay and help Celestia put the supplies away. Once he was in his bedroom, the stallion secretly pulled out Twilight’s engagement ring. He sat on the bed and simply stared at it. He failed to notice Princess Luna standing over his shoulder. “Is that Twilight’s ring?” The startled comedian turned around to face the Princess of the Night. “Yup. Most of the money I have earned in my life has gone towards this. What do you think? “We think the ring is the most exquisite piece of jewelry we have seen.” Luna proceeded to ask if she could examine it a bit closer. Laughing Stock had a bad feeling about allowing his friend hold the ring, but against his better judgment, he took the ring out of the little black box and gave it to her. “There are so many colors!” She held the ring up to the nearby window, looking though the diamond. The ring was surrounded by the princess’ magical aura. She raised the ring just above her horn when Laughing Stock stopped her. “Please don’t try it on. The ring was created with Twilight’s EXACT horn measurements, it won’t fit you.” Luna carefully slid it on, telling him not to worry. “We will treat this ring like it was our own. We will...uh oh.” “UH OH? What do you mean UH OH?” “How can we put this…Twilight’s ring is stuck on our horn.” The comedian did not find this situation very funny. “What do mean STUCK?” “Stuck, as in we can’t get it off.” “I know what stuck means! I can’t believe you tried it on…I have an idea. Until I get back, hide the fact that you have a very expensive ring on your horn.” Laughing Stock ran to the bathroom, and grabbed a bottle of liquid soap. He returned to the room to find Luna wearing a lamp shade on her head. “What in the world…” “Thou sad to cover our horn, we couldn’t think of anything else.” “That makes sense. Here, put this on your horn, this should make the ring slide off.” Luna looked at the bottle that was handed to her. “Oh…blueberry? We prefer the scent of lavender.” “Yeah, well I would have preferred that you listened to me when I told you not to try the ring on.” Once the princess had her horn slick, he instructed her to pull the ring off. She was trying her hardest, but she couldn’t pull hard enough. “For the love of your sister…let me help you.” He had Luna go down on all fours while he stood on his hind legs in order to get more leverage. After a few moments of tugging, the ring slid off just as Laughing Stock predicted. “Uh, honey…what are you doing?” The stallion turned to see a very concerned Twilight Sparkle in the threshold of their room. He surveyed the situation: He was on his hind legs while another mare was on all fours in front of him. Both of his front hooves rested on her head. “I can explain, I swear it’s not what it looks like.” “Alright, go ahead.” Her boyfriend was silent. Despite being great at improv, he was drawing a blank. “We apologize for the situation Twilight. Despite our sister’s orders, we tried on her jewelry without her permission. When it became stuck, we panicked and asked Laughing Stock for assistance.” The lavender unicorn looked relieved. *** “Well, here we are!” Princess Celestia took the other five ponies to a cave, not too far from the cabin. “Great…I always wanted to go spelunking…” “That’s not what we’re doing here Laughing Stock. There is a hidden hot spring inside this cave.” The three other mares squealed with excitement, but nopony was more excited than the stand up comedian, fell to the ground with his front hooves raised towards the sky. As the ponies entered the cave, they felt the increase in temperature almost immediately. At the very end, was a pool of water with steam rising from it. Shining Armor suddenly looked upset, he turned towards the cave exit. “Shoot, I just remembered we are out of firewood. I’m going to gather some, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” As Laughing Stock watched the white unicorn leave, he realized something rather wonderful. One stallion left in the company of four beautiful mares in a hot spring? Dear Pentstable forum… Minutes slowly passed inside the spring. It was silent for the most part, because everypony was experiencing extreme and total comfort. “What are we going to do after dinner tonight?” Cadance asked while she sank into the relaxing water. “I have an idea” the comedian suggested. “Why don’t we play charades?” The mares agreed charades would be a fantastic way to end the night, and continued to talk amongst themselves. The lone male just sat in the temperate liquid, thinking about the scenario in front of him. Excuse me ladies, I have pizza delivery. Look girls! This incredibly handsome stallion has brought us our pizza! We would love to pay you, but we would hate to get our money all wet. Perhaps there is some other method of payment you would prefer? “What are you thinking about?” The comedian managed to drift off to sleep, due to his state of total relaxation. He awoke when Twilight swam over to him and asked her question. “I was thinking about…bunnies! Why do you ask?” “You were sound asleep with the goofiest grin on your face, that’s all” His girlfriend said, following the other mares out of the spring. “We haven’t been in here that long, why are you getting out already?” “You were asleep for two and a half hours, we are tired. If you and my brother want to stay in, be our guest.” Laughing Stock looked to his left and saw a very relaxed Shining Armor. “If we stayed in this hot spring together, this doesn’t make us coltcuddlers…does it?” “No, we should be fine…as long as you stay on THAT side of the spring.” *** “I can’t believe that you and my brother spent four hours together in the hot spring.” Twilight said while she cleared the dinner dishes. “After spending all day together yesterday, I would think you two would be sick of each other by now.” “What? Shining Armor and I sick of each other? NO WAY!” The two stallions high hoofed across the table, while Princess Celestia called everypony into the living room to discuss the activities for the evening. “I want you all to pick the teams. I will be in the kitchen fixing us a special surprise!” As Princess Celestia made her way to the kitchen, the remaining ponies followed her directions. In her absence, it was decided that the three princesses would take on the three regular ponies. “Are you guys ready for your treat? The white alicorn brought a silver tray filled with drinks, she gave one to everypony except the lone earthpony. “Your drink is back in the kitchen, Laughing Stock. I didn’t have room for it on the tray.” He grabbed his drink quickly and returned to the game. “Ok Twilight, you’re up!” The lavender unicorn rose to her feet and knocked on the coffee table twice, signaling to her team that there were two words in her secret phrase. She began with both hooves above her head, and then gently slid them down opposite sides, making some sort of shape. He boyfriend began to wonder what she was doing. What shape has that many points…oh wait! “Star?” Twilight tapped her nose, signaling that star was correct. She moved on to the next clue, which had her spinning around in a circle. Tornado…cyclone…I have no idea what she is doing. Luckily, his teammate wasn’t as clueless. “Swirl?” Once again, a happy Twilight tapped her nose. She began rubbing her chin when it was time for the third clue. Star…swirl…rub? No, that is dumb. Star…swirl…chin? I doubt it. Wait a minute… “Starswirl the Bearded?” Twilight happily nodded as the normal ponies recorded their first point. She was very surprised that her boyfriend figured it out. “How do you know about Starswirl the Bearded!?” “You have mentioned him before. You may not realize this, but I listen to you every once in a while.” They took a seat and watched the other team make their first attempt at a point, Cadance took her place in front of the fireplace and knocked only once. She began flapping wings and running around the living room. Celestia and Luna began throwing out various species of birds, but none of their guess was right. The pink alicorn waved her arms back and forth, a signal that meant her team should forget that clue. She then pretended to strike a match. With the imaginary watch lit, she flapped her wings and gently flew across the room. “Oh, we have the solution! Cadance’s secret word is…FIREFLY!” Cadance shook her head vigorously back and forth before the time ran out, but it was too late. A deflated pink alicorn revealed the word was phoenix. “I thought you would get that one auntie, especially since you have a pet phoenix. “Don’t worry” Celestia pat her niece on the head. “We’ll get the next one.” They didn’t. The three normal ponies were playing circles around the princesses. After a while, Laughing Stock began to notice a change in most of the other participants. With the exception of Princess Celestia, everypony else's speech began to slur, hoof eye coordination was off, and their personalities had changed drastically. Princess Luna rose to her hooves in hopes of getting her team a point, she immediately tripped and hit the floor very hard. The comedian raced to her aid, while everypony else laughed. “LUNA! Are you ok?” “Yes, I’m ok. I didn’t see that table there.” The concerned stallion was stunned. “Did…did you just say ‘I’?” “Yeah, why? “I have never heard you use ‘I’ before, only the traditional royal ‘we’.” “No way! That sounds stupid, there is no way I would do that.” Luna proceeded to give her teams clues, nearly falling over in the process. The comedian decided to play detective and looked for a reason everypony was acting like an idiot. He opened every cupboard, drawer and pantry the kitchen, but he found nothing. “Looking for something Laughing Stock?” He turned to see Princess Celestia standing in the kitchen doorway, an evil smirk upon her face. “I was just seeing why everypony was acting silly, that’s all.” She nodded and pointed to the trashcan under the sink. He pulled out the receptacle to see the reason why his friends are acting weird. “Oh my…Princess Celestia, did you spike their drinks?” “Guilty.” “How much alcohol did you use? Hopefully you didn’t use all these bottles.” “I did…do you think it was too much?” “Considering you used enough alcohol to give a dragon the hangover of the century…yes, you over did it. I though you said you were going to try harder to be more princess like?” “I am trying to be more princess like, but it’s not going well as you can see” Celestia explained. “I wanted to give Luna one hell of a hangover, since she was the reason I got drunk yesterday.” “Ok, that is a valid excuse. Why everypony else though?” “I am very curious to see what they are like when intoxicated.” Laughing Stock raised his hoof, hoping to give the ruler of Equestria a piece of his mind, but he stopped himself. “You know…I should be very mad at you right now…but I have a feeling I will be thanking you in the morning. I hope you didn’t spike mine.” “Of course not, that’s why it was left in the kitchen. I didn’t want to get it confused with an alcoholic one.” “Well, thanks for that I suppose.” The earthpony returned to the living room. He took a seat next to his girlfriend, who was twirling her hair very seductively. “Hey handsome, where have you been?” “I was in the kitchen, getting some water. Where have you been?” “Waiting right here for you to get back.” The drunken unicorn climbed into his lap and began kissing him. He was taken aback, she was NEVER this forward when other ponies were around. He tried pushing her away, but she wouldn’t budge. “Come on Stocky! You’re so good to me, let me repay the favor.” “Twilight! What are you doing? Not now!” Celestia stood up and told everypony she was ready to resume the game. Laughing Stock didn’t see a point, especially since more than half of the competitors didn’t know their own names. Shining Armor stood up to take his turn, but promptly fell to the floor. “And he is down!” Luna began laughing hysterically as the white unicorn began to snooze. “I thought a pony his size would be able to handle the pressures of charades.” “Luna, he didn't faint, he passed out because he is very drunk. Just like the rest of you guys.” “What? I am not drunk! I feel more clear headed than ever. Want to hear some impersonations? The comedian answered no, but the wasted princess did some anyway. “I am Princess Celestia! I can't allow my younger sister to have any spotlight. Just because she is the princess of the night, means she has to stay in the dark. When she gets a little carried away, she is banished to the moon for a thousand years! Celestia watched her sister, debating whether the terrible impersonation was a punishable offence. “I am Princess Cadance. I am lucky enough to have found true love, but do I give my youngest aunt any advice? NO!” Cadance started clapping on the couch when she heard her name. “I am Twilight Sparkle. Despite the fact I have read every book in Equestria, I have no real life experience.” Twilight wasn’t paying attention. She was too busy poking Laughing Stock’s shoulder. “What now Twiley? “I’m hungry.” “You have legs, go get something to eat.” “I want to...but the floor won’t cooperate.” The stallion pulled him self away from the drunken princess, who was currently mocking the royal guard passed out at her hooves. He came back into the living room with a piece of bread. “Here, eat this.” The puzzled unicorn looked at the bread, unsure of what to do with it. Laughing Stock turned back to Luna, who was about to make an impression of him. “I’m Laughing Stock! I *thud*” The Princess of the Night passed out right next to the royal guard. Seeing her aunt fall to the floor with a heavy thud, Cadance began to clap. The comedian turned back to Twilight. Instead of eating the bread, she placed it on her horn. “Twilight...I told you to eat the bread.” “What bread?” “The bread hanging from your horn.” “I can’t.” “What do you mean you can’t?” “I can’t bread!” Laughing Stock asked the white alicorn they could postpone the game. “Why, are you afraid of losing?” “No, we each have a member passed out on the floor.” At that moment, Cadance fell on top the other two ponies on the ground. “Never mind, you have two team members down.” “Well, the three of us can play. Twilight, go ahead.” The lusty unicorn blew her boyfriend a kiss and knocked on the table twice. “Ok sweetheart, two words…go.” Laughing Stock and Princess Celestia knew what she was doing, but were too embarrassed to say. “Twilight Sparkle…that is very inappropriate.” “I’m going to have to agree with the princess here. That is just…wow.” The ruler of Equestria called the game a draw, and decided to end the game. “Come on Twipsy Sparkle, you’re coming with me.” The comedian carried his mare upstairs and placed her carefully into bed. After climbing into bed himself, he felt a hoof crawl up his spine. “We have a problem here, Mr. Stock.” The stallion recognized Twilight’s tone of voice. “Oh really? What kind of problem?” “I see you have very many overdue library books. How do you expect to pay for all these?” “I…I have no idea, Mrs. Sparkle.” “Well then…I suppose we will have to do something about this, won’t we?” The unicorn clumsily moved toward her boyfriend, trying to look as sultry as possible. She moved her face very close to hers, with every intention of rocking his world. “Twilight, are you OK? You became very pale all of a sudden...” *** “You know sweetie, when you said ‘we will have to do something about this’, I never thought you meant holding your hair back while you threw up.” He looked down at the smartest pony in Equestria. She was sitting on the floor in front of the toilet, with her hooves and head resting in the bowl. “I’m so sorry” she gasped. “You must find me disgusting.” “Uh, Twiley, I was an alcoholic at one point in my life. Your acting like I’ve never been covered in vomit before.” “Well, I’m sure you have never been covered in another ponies throw up before.” “Ask Vinyl Scratch about that next time you see her.” Shaking out of embarrassment and fear, she turned to the stallion beside her. “What’s going to happen next? Am I going to be sick for a while?” “You’ll come around eventually.” A wicked grin replaced the look of concern the stallion once had. “But not before you have a pretty awful hangover.” “I’ve never heard of a hangover. What is it like?” “Imagine your head is book in a library and somepony decides to check it out. They take it to the librarian at the front who needs to date stamp the book, but the stamp isn’t working. Instead of replacing the ink pad, she stamps the book over and over and over...” *** A/N: Once again, thank you Berk! Now get out there and bread!