Disgrace
Celestia swooped into her castle from her morning trip to raise the sun, landing perfectly on the balcony. She walked gracefully inside, greeted by her servants who politely asked for her breakfast request. She walked to Luna's bedroom to find her sister asleep from her previous night's work, snoring loudly. Luna did an excellent job making the night spectacular, but any time the younger sister wasn't working, she was getting sauced at a cocktail party.
Celestia chuckled at the memory of her sister coming in wearing a lampshade over her head and screaming before making her way down a long corridor. This hallway was closed to every pony except for a few of Celestia's most trustworthy servants, and according to Equestrian officials, did not exist. She made her way to a room with an old zebra kingdom flag draped over the door, and smoke seeping out of the cracks.
She threw open the door and furiously screamed, "Damn it Hadrian how many times have I told you to take that crap outside!"
To this the pony fell from his peaceful floating meditation and landed with a hard thud on the wood floor. The residual magic left the room, only leaving smoke of a very unique odor. "Geez mom, can't you see that I am in the middle of some zebrafarian meditation," the perturbed pony picked himself up, speaking softly so as to not offend his mother, "this has been an important part of my life since I was a foal." He was brown, with some lighter shades, and a few stripes that most ponies would never notice without looking very closely. His wings were strong, his horn was powerful, and to the world his existence was officially a secret.
"I understand, but that herb you love so much smells terribly, and as accepting as our society is ponies just don't like potheads," Celestia tried to reason, calming herself down to do so, "last thing we need is for royalty to be associated with something unfavorable, there are extremists out there looking for an excuse to jump into action."
"Like anyone is going to topple the most powerful regime in the world over a strange smell in your castle," Hadrian gave his mother a dirty look, "maybe if you had some you wouldn't be so quick to judge."
"We have been over this before, I will not smoke with you," Celestia began to raise her voice again, "now take that crap outside and light some damn incense."
"Fine, but one of these days you will," Hadrian smiled as he magically cleared away the smoke.
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In an old abandoned temple on the outskirts of Mt. Canterlot, sat a group of hooded ponies, all of amazing wealth and power. Their leader sat on top of a platform, looking down at his dozen or so followers. "Ponies I have called you here because it is time for another revolution," he shouted to the group. "The zebras were easy, a few spells and their strong, intelligent wills were crushed under the might of our whim. The griffons were an utter failure. But with the constellations aligning just right a mass chaos spell should do the trick with these ponies."
"But great leader," one of the followers looked up, "we should try to gradually unleash the chaos bit by bit, all at once would backfire like the Manticore revolt. Sure it was fun to watch but every single Manticore in their kingdom died by each other's paws, but your grandfather turned a brilliant race of beings into mindless killing machines."
"Excellent point sister," the leader responded, "my mass chaos spell will only affect certain ponies at certain times, culminating in a bloody revolt, leading into chaos upon chaos. Just as the founder of our group would have wanted."
"But what of the elements of harmony?" one of the ponies asked, "they are constantly getting in the way of our evil fun."
"Oh once the crime rate doubles and rogue groups of pony gangs are running around, 6 murders will be nothing except for fuel to our fire." The leader of the cult chuckled, his spy had worked for Celestia inside the palace for 5 years and had given him some very useful information. The destruction of Equestria would be all too easy.
"Tomorrow night is the full moon, so prepare the artifacts and bring them to me," he screamed, "The chaos will start tomorrow and build into something truly great."
"Greed is magic," the small crowd chanted back, "all hail the new pony order."
"And advise the spy to leak the story two days from now," the leader instructed, "for a disgrace to the royalty will be the perfect spark to our magical powder keg."
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Two days later, Celestia started off her morning like any other. She raised the sun and sent out an order to weather teams to allow the temperature to become fairly warm so as to melt the stale snow which had accumulated for weeks in the cold. Celestia never really cared for the winter, but it was a vital part to the cycle of life in the Equestrian climate.
Her servants appeared nervous upon her landing in the castle, but she ignored it as she requested chocolate chip waffles and a cup of coffee for her breakfast along with the morning paper to read. Some of the servants winced at this request, but Celestia didn't pay attention as she walked down the hallway to her son's room. Hadrian was awake early as usual, his room always smelled of herbs but today he was studying, the works of Starswirl the Bearded in particular. They had a pleasant discussion on the applications of liquid rainbows as firearms, and as a medicine which could possibly cure cutie cancer. She loved her son's ingenuity, something he picked up from her side of the gene pool, and his remarkable compassion for other ponies which could have come from either side.
She made her way to the kitchen where breakfast was waiting for her. "Those waffles smell divine," she remarked as she took a sip of coffee, "now if one of you could bring me the Canterlot Gazette I requested it would be appreciated."
"Don't do it," one of the servants shouted to the other, "the princess has no need to see such slander."
"But she must know," the other servant shouted back, "she should address the public to avoid uproar."
"No the best thing to do is don't let her see it," shouted a third one, "if the public thinks she's ignoring the story it will just go away."
Celestia heard this from the kitchen and screamed to the servants, "I demand you stop bickering like foals and bring me my bucking paper!"
To this a servant with a grim look on his face respectfully bowed his head and presented her with the Canterlot Gazette. She took one glimpse at the cover story and suppressed the urge to cry as the front page read:
CELESTIA'S BASTARD SON; DISGRACE OF CANTERLOT
She threw down the paper and left the room, missing another story about a strange green glow seen in the Everfree Forrest as she went to tell her son what had happened.
"Hadrian its horrible," she cried as she walked into the Prince's room, "they call you a bastard, a disgrace. They say you're a pothead and that I have hid you from the world in my shame. I'm so sorry but you were never supposed to be found out like this."
"Mom it's ok," Hadrian looked up from his book to console his mother, "it doesn't matter what they think about me, they love you, you are their immortal princess, raiser of the sun, protector of the weak."
"But now they will never accept you as the true royalty you are," Celestia explained, "and it's all my fault that this happened to begin with."
"I think we just need a press conference," Hadrian proposed, "I will dress well and make a statement, you can make a speech, and Aunt Luna can give a speech on your behalf. One little thing like this won't lead to a full scale revolt."
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Later that day a sudden spark of crime in Manehattan surprised Equestria. Some of the Canterlot elites blamed Celestia, calling her weakness the reason for the madness. Her press conference was attended by every pony journalist in Equestria, from the Ponyville Chronicle to Fillydelphia Times. The Princess Luna was the first to speak, lightening up the tension in the crowd with a very well prepared speech.
"We just knocked it out of thyne ball park," Luna claimed as she walked back inside, "Servants, fetchith me and my nephew thyne tastiest hot chocolate so as to make his voice crisp for the podium."
"A warm beverage will do the trick," Hadrian's personal assistant Zecaya responded to the request, "I will have the chef make two up quick." Before Zecaya even left the room, a servant who seemed slightly off came back in carrying a tray of snacks and two hot chocolates, which Luna dug into. "You shouldn't trust that unicorn, I can see lies within her horn," Zecaya stared down the servant as she spoke.
"Relax young zebra for my sister hath the best judgment in all the land and would never hire an undesirable," Luna responded, taking a sip of her drink.
Hadrian took a long sip of his, and immediately knew something was wrong after he swallowed. A strange feeling came over him as his mom walked off the stage to the sound of respectful applause. Her heartfelt apology had resonated with the crowd, leaving them ready for Hadrian.
"I don't think I can do this," the prince looked at his mom as she walked inside, "I just felt my stomach tighten up, and my head is spinning."
"Hadrian it is too late now," Celestia replied, "you must address your fellow ponies."
Hadrian turned to protest, only to be cut off by Luna, who shoved him outside to the podium. "Gettith thyne arse out there," she playfully teased, completely unaware of what she had just done.
Hadrian's head was swimming, he hadn't spoken to a group since he was a colt in the zebra kingdom, and never one this large. He could feel his head swimming, his stomach churning, and his vision becoming blurred as he walked up to the microphone. "My fellow eeEquestrians I-I-I ha-have come b-b...." he began to speak only to be cut off by his own vomit suddenly coming out from inside of him and projecting onto a few of the Canterlot elites below him. He shook as the crowd began to jeer and throw things. He suddenly lost control of his balance, falling from the podium and landing in the bushes completely unconscious. As the palace staff rushed out to help him, no one noticed Princess Luna unconscious in the waiting room.
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"Whether you think you were drugged or not the elites have rejected you," stated Princess Celestia, "they used the opportunity to not only slander you, but to also add further damage to my reputation and that of your Aunt Luna."
"Celestia please the fault is not on him," Zecaya explained, "the group who overthrew the zebras is active again."
"It's true, the look in that servant's eyes when she served me and Luna hot chocolate, it was the same one in the eyes of the zebra who killed my father," Hadrian added, "the eyes become dim and dull as a part of the spell, it's like something in an ancient spell book."
"I don't care, this isn't the point here," Celestia explained, "as much as it pains me to do this tomorrow we must send you away. I know you are not ready for all of this but there is only one place in Equestria where the loyalty to me is not being questioned, and that place is Ponyville."
"But Ponyville is a city with no class or culture," Hadrian wined, "I'd rather go back to the Zebras."
"Hadrian the zebras are still unstable," Celestia explained, "it will be years before it is safe for a pony to return there."
"I have a sister with whom he can stay," Zecaya stated, "she's outside of Ponyville and out of the way."
"Perfect, thank you Zecaya," Celestia was pleased, "and my number one student from the academy is the city's librarian, so she will be a good contact and sure to indulge in intellectual conversation as well. She is really quite brilliant."
"I will only do it if Luna will be the pony to watch my bong." Hadrian begrudgingly stated.
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The next evening Twilight Sparkle came to the palace, accompanied by Rarity who had come to Canterlot on business. Twilight was a little perturbed by the request of her mentor, but anything for the princess who had treated her like family for years. They walked down the hallway that was no longer a secret, to the bedroom of the Prince while Twilight Sparkle scowled, keeping her head turned away from the Princess, who was telling her entire family history to Twilight based on the portraits hanging in the hall.
"Oh and that is my great grandfather Sun Tzu, the first general to unite all of Equestria into one land, he also invented the immortals crown, and used all of his magic to allow my grandfather to use it. Unfortunately my grandfather was a little bit psychotic and allowed challengers to attack him. The reason Discord got the crown initially was because he was the fourth pony to kill another and earn the crown, his name was Herod back then and he was quite handsome, initially really didn't do a bad job either. Then of course my father killed him and he was brought back as a monster with nearly unlimited power, but hey it happens."
"Then we all know you fought hundreds as a filly and somehow defeated Discord with the magic of love," Twilight sneered at her mentor, "we have all heard the story."
"You make the harrowing tale of my rise to power sound like a crappy knockoff," Celestia stated, surprised by Twilight's response, "you do realize that I..."
"Saved Equestria from countless invasions with your bare hooves, yeah I have heard every story either from you or one of the many many biography's about you," Twilight stated coldly, "can we please just get this thing going."
"You know if you don't want to do this its ok," Celestia calmly spoke to her student, "I can understand you being upset about me inconveniencing your plans and research, but you agreed to help my son in Ponyville."
"It's not that," Twilight began but stopped.
"I knew something was wrong," Celestia looked at her pupil with concern, "do you want to tell me?"
"It's, just, well, umm that time of the month I guess," Twilight lied
"I have known you for a decade Twilight, your time of the month was two weeks ago, you're at the opposite time of the month, what has you so upset that you feel the need to lie to me?"
"Well I just hate to think of you being a tramp," Twilight said with tears welling up in her eyes, "you and the ambassador, he wasn't even a pony, he was a half pony half zebra. And that son of yours is trying to sabotage you, he's no good and I know it, please don't make me be the pony that put the dagger in your back."
"Twilight darling he is my flesh and blood, he harbors no ill will, and his collection of literature has books so rare your library could only dream of it." Celestia put her front hoof under Twilight's chin and tilted her head up so as to look her dead in the eye, "you are the only pony who I can trust as much as one of my own, but he is my own, and there have been a few times where I might not have made it without him."
They walked to Hadrian's Door where music was playing softly on the other side. "But Celestia he's a herb smoker, and herb is the gateway to pony hell."
"That's all superstition, and he's zebrafarian so his opinion is opposite from you dear," Celestia stated as she paused to open the door, "you really have a lot to still learn dear student."
Celestia pushed open the door to Hadrian sitting in a smoke filled room, reading The Requisites of Herbal Magic by Starswirl the bearded. "How many times have I told you..." Celestia began
"To take this crap outside I know, I know, but don't you think this is the least of our problems right now," Hadrian interrupted.
"How dare you back talk the Princess," Twilight raised her voice at the young alicorn, "I don't care who you are no pony talks to Celestia in that way."
"She's my mother and we were about to have an argument," Hadrian stared at the purple unicorn with disgust, "and who gave you the right to talk to a prince in that manner? In some cultures they would behead you for your insolence."
"Well this is my mentor, and I have too much love and respect to see someone walk all over her." Twilight retorted.
"I understand but she is my mother, and as much love and respect as I have for her I am still allowed to argue occasionally," Hadrian started to become angry.
"Well that stuff will kill you," Twilight sneered, "you will get cancer and have a horribly painful death."
"As an alicorn, even without the immortals crown I live 3 times as long as a normal pony," Hadrian began to tease, "so even if I get terminal cutie cancer and die an incredibly early death I will still outlive you by nearly a lifetime."
"Lazy stupid stoner bastard!" Twilight shouted at the prince.
"Fat purple mule!" Hadrian shouted back.
"I'm the daughter of two unicorns with no nonponie roots, you are a quarter zebra which is worse than a mule," Twilight tried to gain the upperhoof.
"I have wings, AND a horn, I'm next in line for the throne," Hadrian laughed, "you cannot touch me without your hoof being cut off for insubordination."
"You son of a..." Twilight was cut off.
"Before anypony says something he or SHE is going to regret later," Celestia stared at Twilight who was about to give a direct insult to the Princess without even realizing it, "I propose you two split up for now and ignore each other until you get to Zecora's house Ok?"
The agreement was reached, Twilight tried to apologize to the Princess while Hadrian packed his things. The Princess accepted Twilight's apology in return for her checking on Hadrian while he was in Ponyville and sending status updates. Twilight begrudgingly agreed.
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"Oh darling it was ever so divine," Rarity mused, "Fancy Pants helped me start up a franchise today so now there will be Carousel boutiques in every city in Ponyville by next year. And of course that lovely Flur he's always with requested a custom made dress today. Now I get to end my day with royalty, I never know how to thank you for taking me along today Twilight."
"Oh yeah its nothing," Twilight responded as she waited in the large cart behind the castle. They were about to depart from Canterlot as soon as the prince was ready. He walked outside and gave his mother a hug good bye, and handed his 3 foot glass bong to Luna, who promised to take good care of it. The prince levitated 5 bags to the cart and stepped inside, only to be greeted by a seething Twilight Sparkle. "You know your mother said pack lightly, how many outfits does one pony need?"
Hadrian calmly responded, "well yes but most of those are filled with books, there is only one with outfits and you simply can't tell me that I am not allowed to look good."
"He has a very good point dear," Rarity interjected, "every pony simply must have something to wear, and from what I can tell the prince has a thing for excellent casual wear."
"Well the zebra royalty loved casual wear," Hadrian began but was cutoff.
"Look I don't care about the zebra royalty, why would you need books when I have an entire library open to public use?" Twilight interrupted, "It's not like clopfics and high times magazine can really take up that much space in the cart."
"If these are clopfics than I suppose the Mona Lisa is nothing but a doodle to you," Hadrian sneered, "my collection includes magic books written pre Celestia, books written by zebra philosophers, one of the few remaining Manticore texts, and even a gold bound, autographed copy of the biography of the late King Zefari, last ruler of the zebras and a former close personal friend of mine. I hope to educate the ponies of Ponyville during my stay if at all possible."
"But that's my Job," Twilight was upset, "I am the librarian, I provide books to the ponies, I help them learn not you."
"Darling you simply must quit being such a drama queen," Rarity smiled as she spoke, "because I personally would love to hear more about the prince, he seems absolutely charming."
Hadrian smiled as he spoke with elegance and ease, telling Rarity all about his unorthodox life as she soaked up every word like a sponge. Twilight looked on in disgust, every word off of "the bastard's" tongue made her cringe.
"And that was how I became a Master of Zeb-fu by the age of 8, which leads me to meditation," the prince smiled as he pulled out a hoof rolled cigar from his pocket, "anypony care to partake?"
"Darling that herb is horrible for your health," Rarity spoke softly but looked at the blunt in disgust, "I understand being zebrafarian, but there is no place in good pony society for things like that."
"What it's just herb?" he stated, "less harmful to your health than cider, and twice as fun. Truly helps to unify the mind body and spirit. I can guarantee that if you know any average working class ponies than you know at least a few who need one of these at the end of the day. It helps them sleep better and work harder the next day."
Twilight grumbled and gave the Prince a Fluttershy stare.
"Well then by all means I suppose," Rarity responded, "I do need to celebrate my success after all, so much to give to charity and so many jobs for me to create, my hope is that the success just doesn't all go to my head."
"Rarity use some sense," Twilight snapped, "you can't just..."
"Oh lighten up Twilight," Rarity interjected, "nopony will ever know or even care enough to find out." She inhaled the smoke as it permeated her lungs, penetrating her blood stream and allowing the cannabinoids to work their magic. She coughed deeply as her system adjusted to the new found shock, and inhaled once more. The stress of her life was suddenly gone, and she felt better than Dash after a sonic rainboom. Her vision was fuzzy, and for some reason she was really hungry, but it was all ok.
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"Oh hahahahahaha you are so funny Princy Wincy, I just want to give you a big ol smooch for the great time in having," Rarity laughed as she stepped outside of the cart and tipped the drivers.
"Miss Rarity we are in Ponyville, try to quit drawing so much attention to yourself," Hadrian stated calmly as he stepped out second.
"I can't believe this," Twilight stared at Rarity as she began to dance for no reason, "she's worse than Pinky Pie right now."
"Let us have a party in honor of the Prince Hadrian, son of Celestia, and total pilf," Rarity shouted away, waking up some of the Ponyville residents, "I need to eat so bad right now."