“So, guys?” The little pink ghost pont asked with a giggle, “Wanna share each other’s darkest secrets?”
“I am an assassin, you are a serial killer, and Iam Noone is a drug dealing whore monger,” Whatserface stated matter of factly.
“One, none of that is secret, two I am am a reformed drug dealing whore monger,” Iam interrupted sternly.
“You have bought, sold, traded, and consumed illegal alchemical substances in every town we have passed through,” Whatserface pointed out.
“Yes,” Iam said with a grin and a shrug, “But I have not engaged in any acts of sexual exploitation.”
Whatserface raised an eyebrow, drawing a retort from the cyan degenerate, “Pretending to be your pimp to get you closer to your target doesn’t count, we’ve been over that!”
Lily loudly cleared her throat, prompting another counter arguement, “Throwing gold coins in the air during what we do in the privacy of a public fountain in broad daylight does not make it prostitution… that’s just my kink…”
“You’re missing the point, I mean what if we each tell one secret we know about the other one!” Lilly insisted.
“‘Not Short Mare and the Clown Face Bug Pony,’” Iam jumped in with a smirk, “I know all about your dirty little self-insert Not Metal Filly ship fic.”
“I would kill you in your sleep if you didn’t look so peaceful when I loom over you!” Lily snarled in rage.
-=-=-=-=-
“Well that’s just meta as buck,” Pinkie Pie deadpanned.
“Well, we’re watching a story on a film projector while providing MST3K-esque commentary,” Discord rolled his eyes like dice in response.
“There is nothing wrong with fanfiction,” Trixie asserted, “Trixie’s Great and Powerful Ex-husband wrote a fanfiction where Spike married a half human-half pony from the world of a tabletop RPG.”
“Wow…” Pinkie’s jaw dropped in amazement. “Just… no words…”
“Didn’t see Trixie winning the fourth wall contest,” Discord admitted, impressed.
-=-=-=-=-
“Oh, come on Lily,” The blue degenerate laughted merrily, “You can’t really be mad, this game was your idea.”
“That was still a low blow Charlie!” The little mare fumed.
“Your just mad because I’ve been reading your diary,” Iam smirked.
“OF COURSE THAT’S WHY I’M MAD!” Lily screamed in frustration. “That is a totes legit thing thing to be angry about.”
“Iam Noone is not from Tempus.” Whatserface droned without emotion.
“Wait… wut?” The diminutive pink ghost pony’s eyes went wide.
“D-don’t be ridiculous Whatserface!” Iam sputtered. “Of course I’m from Tempus, that how I have all this time travel...stuff…”
“He has lived in Tempus for many years, that is true, but I am aware of the place he was born,” the scar faced mare continued without pause, “I am aware of why he erased his name.”
“For realsies?” Lily’s eyes lit up.
“Ah hell, given how many times my old name’s been dropped lately, I guess there’s no harm in letting the cat out of the radioactive chamber.” Iam chuckled.
“Shrodinger was an asshole,”his diminutive companion scowled.
“He was an asshole who killed cats with radiation.” Whatserface confirmed. “And this is oddly connected to the story of Iam Noone’s point of origin.”
“Heh, it’s true,the old homestead practically glows in the dark,” Iam Noone grinned broadly, “Oddly enough, it survived the Blaze in the time lines I didn’t fuck with.”
“It survived the elemental wrath of Imperial Hubris,” Whatserface mused, “but fell to the scheming of a single, spiteful pony with a time travel artifact.”
“The power of the POoRN!” Lily through a hoof in air and gave an enthusiastic cheer.
“They got what they had coming,” Iam’s usually cheerful smile curled into an angry sneer.
“Oooo,” Lily blinked owlishly, “Is this your super tragic backstory that explains why you turned to a life of eville?”
“Naw, Short-stop,” the stallion gave a bitter laugh and shifted into a chitinous insectoid form, “I’ve always been a gods be damned bastard. The veiled mother don’t kiss good ponies. But my brother, Blue, he WAS a good pony. Nine Hells of strife, I used to hate him. I used to hate living in his gods be damned shadow. The soldier, the war hero! Fuck even when he committed treason he was goddam noble about it.”
“Mom was right, who knew?” The blue insectile pony lammented.
“He was everything I coulda been,” Iam gave a small mournful smile. “But they turned him out to the blaze. And I burned ‘em for it… I burned ‘em good.”
“Huh, so with the power of the Potential Object of Relativistic Normality, you have achieved revenge on ponies who live in parallel timelines but are not actually the ponies that wronged you?” Lily queried.
“It’s better than no revenge, I guess.” Iam shrugged.
“You’re the best, Trixie!” Lilly squee’d and blushed as the other two turned to her in confusion. “What? Somewhere a Trixie needs to be reassured! I’m performing a public service! You’re welcome!”
“The real kicker is, the Potential Object of Relativistic Normality can’t alter my own past,” Iam chuckled dryly, holding a flame to a long glass tube as he inhaled, “So really, deep down I’m just destroying a series of empires that LOOK like the one that wronged me. And I’m okay with that.”
“Let’s look at that ‘heaven’ her Sheriffic Highness looks up on so much… that one the ‘angel’ came from…” The degenerate pony looked at no one in particular. “Yer gonna and done gone and outlived everyone you ever cared about, whatcha gonna do next Sparkle? Heh…”
“So...he’s directly poking random characters in stories that are only tangentially related to our subjective reality…” Lilly inhaled deeply while holding the glass tube.
“Yes,” Whatserface scowled as she pushed the long glass tube away, “This is a thing that he does.”
-=-=-=-=-
“Solid brown cheese protocol,” a snake whispered.
The metal filly’s visual sensors faded to a pale blue. “Chocolate level encoding engaged. Input awareness restricted from organic processor...”
“I’m gonna tell you the truth, little filly,” the snake hissed.