//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Luna's Chapter // Story: New York Shenanigans // by Bojack H //------------------------------// The breezie poet Laureline once wrote “Even a small breeze can strip the trees bare…” While she was in fact writing in response to her city council's plan to establish a new colony on the upper left branch of a nearby elm tree, her quote was nevertheless egregiously taken out of context by later Equestrian poets and it went on to become known as one of her seminal works. Now what does all this has to do with our story, you might ask? Well it makes a good intro, even if slightly cliched, and it segues to our setting, the often windy chamber of the United Nations General Assembly Building, New York, New York, Earth, Earth, Galaxy 7492957-N9-672 just past the omniscient elderberry Trees. “And on the motion to motion to study amending the UN Treaty on Chemical and Biological Weapons to include a ban development of a hypothetical Ebola-Smallpox-Hepititus virus how does this committee vote?” The speaker at the lectern, who’s name is of no significance, looked up from his notes and out to the partially filled room. The delegates were all in the middle of busying themselves one way or another, the french delegate had a half completed model of the Eiffel tower constructed out of office supplies while the German delegate busied his time inventing impressive sounding compound words for mundane objects like That-Little-Tea-Kettle-one-places-on-a-small-table which when in its proper form could be interpreted as a declaration of war. “Anyone in support, anyone at all? Come now chaps, its not even a binding resolution,” The exasperated speaker said from the podium. “The nation of Krablakastahn strongly objects to this motion to study a motion to amend this treaty! We believe Krablakastahn has the sovereign right to develop these weapons, not that we would, but we should be allowed to if we wanted to!” “Hold on,” The German minister interjected, “I thought this was a motion to proceed on a motion,” “No, it is a motion to study a motion to proceed,” France said. “No you’re both wrong it is a motion to amend the study of the motion,” Italy said. “Gentlemen, and ladies, delegates and all, can we at least agree to vote yes on this matter?!” The Brit said. “If Germany wants it than France doesn’t want it!” “Seconded,” “Italy votes against the British!” “Kuwait wants a sandwich!” “Fine, motion tabled, we break for one hour for lunch,” He said with a bang of the gavel. Just then, a shimmering gateway opened up behind the speaker, its surface a multidimensional infinitely deep pool of stars. Out from the gate stepped Princess Luna. “Greetings People of Earth! We come from the world of Equestri-“ “Motion to address the new guest after lunch,” The speaker interrupted. “Motion Seconded!” “Kuwait votes sandwich!” “Germany concurs!” “Motion carried, we shall address the stranger in one hour.” And with that, the chamber emptied, leaving the baffled princess to stand there. “Um, oh dear, Uh WE ACCEPT YOUR INVITATION TO SPEAK IN ONE HOUR, we shall um just wait here,” she said calling after them as the lights went off. =-=-=-=- Princess Luna was hard at work when the requisite two and a half hours of lunch as laid out in U.N. General code 892 sub section J just above the jelly stain. So enraptured by her speech-craft she had barely noticed the entire assembly of nations (minus the UN ambassador of Malta, who had a 12:30 tee time) had assembled, insulted each other, broke, and reassembled while she worked on her index cards. The princess poured her vast dozens of years in statecraft onto these cards, for they were the glue that would bind these two worlds together and usher in a prosperous peace for all eternity. “Ahem, madam, it is your turn to address the body,” said none other than UN President Ban-Ki Moon who we assure you is currently the UN President and nobody else. “Oh is it our time already?” Luna asked looking up from her cards. Stepping up to the podium, cards floating in front of her, she briefly gazed out upon the assembled people of this world, and read. “Greetings, from the planet…um.. it’s complicated…I am Princess Luna, diarch of the Kingdom of Equestria, and for reasons again complicated, while we hold the title of princess, we hold the rank of one of your earth pharaoh’s within our kingdom, that is to say we and our sister raise and lower the moon and sun respectively. We come with good intentions, and in no uncertain terms; intend to destroy your world,” The crowd gasped in shock “Wait, that’s not right, ah here that part goes there…” Luna said as she reshuffled her cards. “ahem, As we were saying; We come with good intentions, good tidings, and in no uncertain terms, neither We nor our Sister, sun-blessed, ever intend to destroy your world. We are aware of a subset of the fiction of fans of ours that entails such fantasies and we wish to dispel that notion right upon this moment!” The audience of gathered dignitaries remained (mostly) silent as she looked up from the last of her prepared cards. “so um, to repeat our-self; We come in peace, no conquest or destruction intended at all,” She said projecting to the upper balcony of the assembly room where dozens of UN peacekeepers had trained rifles on her. “Dang it!” One of the guard shouted in disgust as they began stomping back to where they came from. “As we were saying; We have been aware of your world for some time now, however we recently received your message by means of interstellar satellite and-” “Our what?” The ambassador of Paraguay interrupted. “Oh yes, your voyager satellite. I recently arrived in our night sky. We admit we were initially quite annoyed that something was miring our nightly sky but once we removed the offending spec, we became quite attached to the music held within the machine and followed the coordinates back to-” “Pardon madam, but could you please just get on with it already, we have very important treaties to disapprove of and strongly worded letters to send each other!” The ambassador for Britain interrupted. “Oh right, we’re sorry our sister is usually the one who handles the diplomacy,” She looked down at the invisible watch on her ankle, “So to um… conclude, We wish to procure more of the works of this Chuck Barry!…. And to facilitate this,” Luna lit her horn again, tearing a vertical hole in space next to the podium, through which a cascade of empty wine bottles poured out, along with one wine mulberry colored earth pony, who was fast asleep on the pile of discarded wine bottles before she was rudely deposited onto the hard stage with a thud. “We present our purchasing agent, Berry Punch. She is a very capable negotiator. We must leave now as our duties require our presence. We are honored to have spoken at this assembly of nations,” Luna said before tearing open another portal and departing. “Uuuuughhhh, who turned on the spotlight,” The mulberry pony groaned as she hobbled up to the podium. “So um, my name is Berry Punch, how’s it going?” End of Chapter 1 How will our plucky alcoholic heroine face the realities of multilateral international diplomacy? Will Kuwait ever get that sandwich? Tune in Next Week, same Bat(pony) Time, same Bat(pony) Place! for the continuation!