//------------------------------// // 20 – Those Left Behind // Story: Thicker Than Water // by Krickis //------------------------------// Chapter Twenty Those Left Behind ⠀ ⠀ All Fluttershy had to do was keep busy. If she kept busy, she could get through anything. That was a lesson she’d learned long ago, and it had held true for her entire life so far. That was it. It wasn’t complicated. Hell, it didn’t even matter much what she was doing. So why couldn’t she just find something to do? There were usually various jobs around a show that she could throw herself in, but at every turn, she kept finding that things were already taken care of. “Need any help?” Fluttershy asked Short Fuse while he tweaked his drumkit. “Unless you wanna sit in on the soundcheck for me, no, I’m good.” Fluttershy sighed. “Okay.” She walked backstage and made for the dressing room to see if anyone was waiting in there that needed her help. She had to do something. She felt useless just drifting around like this. She found Gilda putting on eyeshadow. She smiled as she walked in. “Do you think people can even tell you’re wearing that once you’re on stage?” Gilda shrugged. “Might show up in photos. Besides, I like it.” “Want a hand applying it?” “Nah, I got it.” Gilda finished up one eye then focused on the other. “Oh, okay.” Fluttershy frowned and took a seat. She didn’t say anything while Gilda worked on her makeup, not wanting to cause her to mess up because of any distractions. Gilda was quiet as well, at least until she finished up, then she turned to Fluttershy and asked, “What’s up?” Fluttershy shifted in her seat as she realized she didn’t have an answer. “I just… wondered if you had anything you wanted any help with?” Gilda gave her a confused look. “Shy, we have roadies for that. Seriously, you’ve got to learn to relax.” “I’m too relaxed, that’s the problem.” “Not doing something is not the same as relaxing.” Gilda folded her arms. “When was the last time you slept?” “Why?” “Just answer the question. Did you sleep last night?” Fluttershy pursed her lips. “Yes, I did.” Gilda inclined her head slightly. “Did you sleep enough?” Fluttershy sighed. “I never sleep enough. You know that.” “Thought so.” Gilda stood up and jerked her head for Fluttershy to do the same. “Come on, I’m gonna wait on the tour bus. Come with me and take a nap.” Fluttershy smiled a little. “I’ll come with you, but I’m not taking a nap.” “Nothing wrong with getting a little shut-eye.” “I know, but I’m not tired.” Gilda shook her head, but she didn’t try to convince Fluttershy anymore. She did lead them out towards the tour bus, though. They left through the back door and walked across the parking lot to where the tour bus was waiting for them. Then Fluttershy saw the back of Lemon Zest’s head through a window, and she stopped in place. “Uhm, I think I’d rather head back inside.” Gilda stopped walking and turned to look at her. “What, afraid I’m going to force you into bed?” Fluttershy shook her head. “No, I just realized I don’t want to sit still right now. The tour bus is a little cramped.” Gilda seemed perplexed. “What are you going to do back in the venue?” Fluttershy just smiled. “I’ll figure something out. Go relax, you’ve got a show starting soon. I’ll be fine.” Apparently satisfied, Gilda just shrugged. “Whatever. You know where to find me.” Fluttershy turned and went back into the building. Spending time with Gilda might have taken her mind off everything, but being around Lemon Zest definitely wouldn’t. Everything centered around Lemon Zest. No, that wasn’t fair. She wasn’t the center, she was the catalyst. All her relationships failed, not just Lemon Zest. Fluttershy was the only one at the center of this shit storm. It didn’t help that Lemon Zest was every bit as friendly as ever. Sure, she was a little more physically distant than before, but not as much as Fluttershy would have expected. She really took the decision to pretend nothing happened to heart. Fluttershy shut the door behind her and leaned against it. She had no idea what she was going to do. Although she had only seen Lemon Zest in the tour bus, she knew someone else had to be in there – Lemon Zest never waited in the tour bus alone. Since The Washouts were currently doing their soundcheck, it had to be Rainbow or Windfall. Probably both, since the odds either of them would hang out in the venue by themselves weren’t great. So all her friends were either in the tour bus or they were busy with the soundcheck. Great. With a sigh, Fluttershy ducked into the open bar. It was really supposed to be for the afterparty, but no one was around to stop her. She grabbed a can of beer and started drinking. While she drank, she listened to The Washouts perform. They’d been perfecting their sound on stage every night, and it showed. They were sounding better and better as time went on, and they were getting the hang of soundchecks as well. Fluttershy decided if she was going to drink, she might as well go to the front – better to have tap beer instead of depleting the stock of cans in the back. She’d have to convince someone to open the bar early, which meant paying for it, but it wasn’t like she couldn’t afford it. She wound up walking into the front part of the building right as the band was finishing their soundcheck, so she didn’t get to watch at all. Though that meant that they would be performing soon, which meant she could always watch the concert itself if she wanted to. She still figured she might as well see if she could get the bar open. She wasn’t doing anything else, after all. Unfortunately, she didn’t see anyone, so she sat at the bar to wait for an employee to come around. Someone did come find her, but it wasn’t an employee. “Hey, Shy,” Flash said as he sat next to her. “What’re you up to?” “Wondering if anyone would yell at me for slipping back and helping myself to a beer.” Flash chuckled. “Probably best not to risk it.” Fluttershy had been leaning towards going for it, but she just shrugged and decided he was right. She turned to face him. “The Washouts are sounding really good lately.” “Thanks,” Flash said with a grin. “I think we’ve come a long way since we started this tour.” “I think so too.” “So, uhm…” Flash swivelled a bit on his seat. “I was wondering if we could talk about something.” Fluttershy smiled. “What do you want to know about her?” “Huh?” Fluttershy turned to face Flash properly. “You want to know something about Rainbow, right?” Flash grinned. “Well… if you have any insider info…” Fluttershy thought for a moment. “Rainbow pretends that she hates cutesy cartoons, but she loves them. Convince her you want to watch them and she’ll pretend like she doesn’t want to and is only doing it for you, but she’ll wind up having a great time.” “Interesting.” Flash wore a little grin as he thought over the information. “I’ll have to keep that in mind. Thanks, Shy.” “No problem.” At least that was one thing that was going well. Looking at it as an outsider, it hardly looked like Rainbow and Flash were a couple, but Fluttershy could see it. They both just seemed that extra little bit happier since they started dating. “Although that wasn’t what I really wanted to talk to you about,” Flash said with a frown. “It’s actually about Sunset.” “Oh.” Fluttershy frowned as well. She didn’t really care to talk about Sunset. “It’s just… I can’t believe she’s getting married!” Flash leaned against the bar. “I know they’ve been together a while, so I guess it makes sense, but just… it’s so wild to think about.” Fluttershy preferred not to think about it at all. “I guess it is.” “And it just… I guess I’m kind of upset about the whole thing.” “You are?” Fluttershy forced a smile. “Come on, you’re not going to tell me you’re still caught up on Twilight.” Flash sighed. “Why does everyone always think that? It was a dance, like, five years ago.” “I’m just teasing. Besides, if that was what was going on, I don’t think you’d be here talking to me about it. I mean, considering you and Rainbow are together now.” Flash nodded. “Yeah, that might be awkward. I just… you were close to Sunset, obviously, so I thought maybe you’d see where I’m coming from better than Rainbow can.” Flash looked down at the floor. “It just kind of sucks that she didn’t invite me.” “It would be hard to make it work with the tour,” Fluttershy pointed out. “She doesn’t even know I’m in a band. She doesn’t know anything about me these past few years, because she doesn’t ever talk to me anymore!” “Oh.” Fluttershy placed her hand on Flash’s shoulder. “She abandoned you too, huh?” “Yeah, she basically did. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really happy things are working out for her, but it’s just like… what the hell about those of us she left behind?” “I know what you mean.” “She’s a whole world away, but the portal opens up into CHS. How hard would it be to drop me a line when she’s in town sometime? Hell, I know about Equestria, she could invite me there like she did with Applejack and Pinkie Pie.” “She invited me once, for her birthday, but I didn’t go. Everything was still so fresh back then.” Flash nodded. “I want to say that’s so unlike her. The Sunset I know wouldn’t give up on you, she would give you the time you needed then try again. But then… maybe the Sunset I knew wasn’t really who she was.” Fluttershy bowed her head. “It was Applejack who invited me this time. I guess it would be kind of nice to know Sunset wanted to patch things up after all this time. I… don’t know if I really want to though.” “But just knowing she’d be willing to make the attempt would say a lot, right?” Fluttershy winced and clung to the fabric of her skirt a little tightly. “I guess it would.” “It would for me, anyway.” Flash sighed. “I don’t know. I just keep thinking about who she was back in high school, you know? And not just when she was CHS’s number one bully, but before then. I’ve seen so many sides of Sunset Shimmer, that I don’t even know who she is anymore.” “I guess it doesn’t really matter, does it?” Fluttershy looked Flash in the eyes. “She was just someone who was part of our lives for a little while, and now she’s not.” “Heh. Like your song about her?” Fluttershy nodded. “That’s how I think of her, anyway. Just… someone who never really belonged here, who was just clinging to us for a little while before going back to where she really belonged.” “And you’re okay with that?” “Of course I’m not okay with that.” Fluttershy hardened her expression. “I wanted it to be me she would marry, not some other version of me in another world. I loved her. I loved her so much it hurt, and it’s never stopped hurting since. But it doesn’t matter if I’m okay with it, because that’s who she is. She drifts through life because she doesn’t really belong anywhere.” Fluttershy shook her head. “Well, maybe she found somewhere she belongs now.” “I guess… I wouldn’t mind if she wasn’t still close with Applejack and Pinkie Pie. I mean I’m sure it would still sting, but I could accept if she was just done with this world. I guess it makes me sound like a jerk, but I kind of always thought with all of our history, the two of us had something going for us.” Fluttershy laughed a little. “You thought you two might get back together, you mean?” “No, nothing romantic. Just like, I thought if she reached out to anyone, it would be me.” Fluttershy felt a little bad for Flash, but she couldn’t understand how anyone who knew Sunset and Applejack would’ve thought that anyone else could compete with what they had. And, of course, that included Fluttershy herself as well. “I guess we both overestimated what she thought of us.” “I guess we did.” Flash sighed and smiled. “Anyway, that’s why I wanted to talk to you. I figured if anyone would understand, it would be you.” “I’m sorry I can’t do anything to help you feel better.” Flash shook his head. “No, I feel a little better just talking about it. I guess… it helps to know I’m not the only one who feels like this.” Fluttershy smiled a little. “If you want to feel like you’re not the only one angry at Sunset, just talk to Rainbow sometimes.” “No thanks. No matter how upset with her I am, I’m not ‘talk with Rainbow about her’ levels of upset.” Fluttershy covered her mouth and laughed again. “Yeah, Rainbow really is in a league of her own there.” “Anyway, I should probably head backstage. We’ll be going on soon.” Fluttershy nodded. “I think I’ll wait out here a little longer. Go on ahead without me.” “Alright. Later, Shy.” “Bye.” Flash stood up and waved Fluttershy off as he walked away. Then he was gone, and Fluttershy was alone. Alone. Fluttershy felt alone so often, even if she was always surrounded by friends. She had a bigger support group than ever on this tour, and she still felt so damn alone all the time. All she needed to do was keep busy, but there was nothing left for her to do. So all she was left with were her thoughts. Lemon Zest not wanting a relationship, Sonata leaving her without saying goodbye, and Sunset. Always Sunset. Everything came back to her eventually, no matter how much time passed. Fluttershy pressed her hand against her shoulder, feeling the place where she knew there was a red and yellow sun tattooed onto her skin. A permanent reminder of just how stupid she could be. Sunset was never hers, she never even belonged in this world. Fluttershy had known that, and yet she had dared to hope that somehow she could be enough to make Sunset want to stick around. Of course Sunset left her. Fluttershy had seen to it personally. But even if she hadn’t, could it have ever really worked? Maybe Sunset would’ve wanted to go home after all… “Can I get you something?” a woman asked. Fluttershy looked up to see someone was finally behind the counter. And judging by the extra people around, the doors must have opened while Fluttershy was lost in her thoughts. Which mattered less than the fact someone was willing to serve her alcohol. Fluttershy smiled and placed an order. The show was good, but the afterparty was what Fluttershy was really interested in. It was time to finally stop worrying about the day and have some fun. Fluttershy was sitting on a barstool by herself for the moment, but she had no intention of letting things stay that way. She already had her eye on a cute red-haired girl. She sipped her drink and thought over her approach. But before she could act on it, she heard a voice. “Hey, Fluttershy, can we talk?” Fluttershy did not want to talk, she wanted to flirt. She especially didn’t want to talk with the woman who was standing beside her. Still, she forced a smile and turned to Lemon Zest. “Of course. What’s up?” Lemon Zest bounced on her feet a little. “I actually wanted to ask you that. You seem really distant lately, and I just wanted to make sure we’re, you know, still cool.” Fluttershy couldn’t keep looking Lemon Zest in the eyes, so she turned away. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I was being distant.” “I’m just, you know…” Lemon Zest sighed and took a seat beside Fluttershy. “If there’s anything I can do to make it up to you, just tell me. I want things to be normal between us again, you know?” “I want the same thing, Zest.” Fluttershy frowned through her lies. “I hadn’t noticed I was being distant. I’m sorry.” “Hey, no, I get it. It’s just, you know, I don’t want this to be one of those things that only ever gets worse because we never talk about it.” “Well…” Fluttershy took a drink of her beer, wishing she had more of it. She’d been drinking all day, but still, she wasn’t drunk enough for this conversation. “We did agree to pretend it didn’t happen. Pretty sure that means not speaking about it.” Lemon Zest stared at Fluttershy. “You can’t really want that.” “I can.” Fluttershy looked at Lemon Zest. “I do.” Lemon Zest sighed and looked down. “So what? We just let it fester?” “I’m not letting anything fester,” Fluttershy said with a smile. “I’m going to go flirt with a cute girl right now, in fact. See, I’m not wallowing in misery or anything, I’m still getting the most out of life.” “Oh, okay.” Lemon Zest shook her head, then smiled. “Well, as long as you’re happy. And hey, maybe we can hang out tomorrow some.” “Of course.” Fluttershy finished her drink. “We always have the tour bus.” “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” To be fair, Fluttershy knew she had been distant from Lemon Zest even on the tour bus. She would just have to fake it a little harder. But first, the night was young and Fluttershy wasn’t looking to spend it alone. And if she found someone else to take back to the hotel, that meant another night of having an excuse to not spend it with Lemon Zest. “Now then, I think it’s time for me to make my move.” “Okay. Good luck!” Fluttershy smiled. “Thanks.” She stood up and walked over to the red-haired woman, ignoring the way that the room seemed to sway a little bit. “Hello,” Fluttershy said to her. “Enjoying yourself?” The red-haired woman smiled. “Yeah, this is great. I’m such a huge fan of The Washouts.” Fluttershy blinked. That was new. “Really? I’ll have to tell Dust you’re here for her band, she’ll be over the moon.” “You know Lightning Dust?” “Yeah, I’m the tour manager. I did some production work with The Washouts too, and co-wrote one of their songs.” “Oh, sweet!” The woman stuck out her hand. “My name’s Ginger Snap. It’s nice to meet you…?” “Fluttershy.” She smiled as she shook Ginger Snap’s hand. “Do you want to meet the band?” “I’d love to! I’ve been a little nervous about just walking up and talking to them…” Fluttershy giggled. “They’re really nice. Come on, let’s go say hi.” Fluttershy took the other girl by the hand and led her over to Lightning Dust, who was talking to some other fans with Rolling Thunder. She was used to this situation, so she immediately jumped in to sing Fluttershy’s praises like the perfect wingman. That impressed Ginger Snap, who soon caught on to Fluttershy’s flirting. She wasted no time in giving as good as she got, and they talked about what Fluttershy did for the bands. Unsurprisingly, Ginger wound up being a Bitchette fan as well, and Fluttershy wowed her with having written Broken Mirror. They shared a few drinks, and the evening passed by in a sort of blur. She later wouldn’t remember who kissed whom first, but it wasn’t long before they were both getting into it. It took even less time for them to agree to go back to Fluttershy’s hotel room. They laughed giddily the whole way, exchanging kisses freely. Thankfully their cab driver was a young man who seemed all too happy to have a couple of lesbians making out in the back of his car, so he didn’t say anything against it. By the time they got to the hotel, they were stumbling through the hallway to Fluttershy’s room. Fluttershy paused at her door to kiss Ginger Snap, pulling their bodies close together. It wasn’t real. Even then, Fluttershy knew that. But it didn’t matter, because she wasn’t alone. “Wow, nice room,” Ginger said once they made it through the door. Fluttershy giggled. “It’s okay. Good enough for us.” She shut the door behind her and walked across the room. “Good enough for tonight.” Ginger Snap grinned and held out her arms, so Fluttershy fell into them. They tumbled towards the bed, laughing and kissing all the way. Soon clothes went flying all over the room, and Fluttershy clicked the bedside table light off. It was right at sunset. The world was coated in shades of amber, red, and yellow. It was beautiful, but it was painful. Fluttershy hardly noticed. She was digging. She didn’t know why she was digging, but she kept at it. “Stop,” they told her. She didn’t. Each shovelful of dirt brought her a little bit lower into the ground. She wasn’t sure why, but she couldn’t stop. Everyone wanted her to, but she didn’t listen to them. Fluttershy was digging. Then she arrived. Sunset Shimmer stepped down into the hole. “Come with me,” she said. “Let me help you.” Fluttershy kept digging. “I’m still here for you. I know things have been bad between us, but I still care about you.” Fluttershy didn’t look up. “No, you don’t.” Sunset frowned. Fluttershy didn’t look up, but she knew Sunset was frowning. “Then you’ll be lost. You can’t do this without me.” “I can’t,” Fluttershy agreed. She had known that, some part of her had always known, but she never said so. “But I’m going to try.” And Sunset Shimmer faded, taking the sunset with her. The world grew darker. First to twilight, then to dusk. Blue and purple replaced the colors around her. Fluttershy kept digging. Someone’s arms curled around her, threatening to stop her once more. “Shy, come on! Let’s get out of here and have some fun!” Fluttershy kept digging, even with Sonata Dusk’s arms around her. “You never loved me. You never could.” “I’m not human, Shy. I’m not going to be the way you want me to be.” “I know,” Fluttershy said, and she did. She couldn’t expect anything out of Sonata. “But we had fun, right?” “We did.” Fluttershy kept digging, even as Sonata left without warning. There was no telling how much time passed by. All light faded until Fluttershy was left digging in the blackness. Was that from the night sky or from the hole she’d dug for herself? She wasn’t sure. She dug. “Fluttershy, come up from there!” Lemon Zest didn’t come down like the others did, but she did call down into the hole. Fluttershy ignored her. “Shy, we’re all here for you.” Lemon Zest wasn’t alone. Rainbow Dash, Windfall, Gilda, Lightning Dust, Flash Sentry, they were all there and they were all waiting for her. Fluttershy dug deeper. “None of you even need me anymore. You can find someone to replace me, I’m not important.” Another truth. No one needed her, not really. They needed someone in her position, but it never had to be her. Fluttershy kept digging until she couldn’t hear their voices anymore. She kept digging until she felt something against her shovel that wasn’t dirt or rock. She tapped again to make sure, but there was no denying. She’d struck wood. She bent down and brushed away the dirt. Her hands were never clean anymore anyway. She brushed away the dirt, and she pulled out a small wooden coffin. It was all she wanted. The only one who would never have left her. Fluttershy ran her hands across the ends, and she never once questioned what she was doing. She opened it. Fluttershy didn’t jolt awake. Nothing so dramatic. She merely opened her eyes and realized it had all been a nightmare. It hadn’t been the kind that scared her, which was something, but she almost wished it was. She reached her hand to her face and found it was wet. From tears. From sweat. She closed her eyes and forced herself to swallow. She didn’t have nightmares as often when she slept with someone else, but it still happened. Still, there was a comfort to be found in having someone else in her bed when she woke up from a dream like that. She reached out her hand, feeling for Ginger Snap’s body. There was no one beside her. Fluttershy sat up and blinked, then turned on the light. She looked around the room, but she didn’t see anyone. The bathroom door was wide open and she could see there was no light on inside it. Ginger Snap had left already, disappearing into the night. It wasn’t the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last. Fluttershy bowed her head and held it in her hands. She was alone. As always. She was all alone.