//------------------------------// // 1 - Ab Initio Iterum // Story: Boops are Eternal. Boop the Snoot // by L-N //------------------------------// It was kind of an odd pattern. You’ve been dreaming a lot- that was quite obvious by the number of times you’ve woken up with the odd ‘wow, I’m confused’ feeling that you already got after other dreams- and in this case, it seems to be a bit more lucid than you’d like. Or, well, it was more like you were noticing things, and it was making the conscious part of your mind very interested. Firstly, you were recalling a memory. That was obvious enough. The trip down to your first job interview was mostly unforgettable. The streets of Toronto were packed to the brim with people, even if it was a thundery day. Secondly, there was something most definitely wrong with your memory. The people around you were... Well, when you looked towards them, they blurred. Their faces were definitely there, you just couldn't see them. It was almost like something was covering them, but you couldn't quite place it. Even more, they seemed to be moving erratically, almost following you in unnatural zig-zags. It was starting to freak you out. Still, it was just an odd dream-like memory, right? … It started to feel like somebody was watching you far more intently than these other 'people.' and the memory started to jitter around visibly- almost like something was wrong to the point that the dream couldn't really understand it. It was still faithful enough to cause you to trip over a dog that got in your way not too soon afterwards, and to only continue the chain of misfortune by having you completely lose your balance in part due to your nervousness. But the following blackness wasn’t the same as the flailing you remember. Mostly because of the odd softness, and the weird feeling that something was wrong. "Ow." You wake up on the floor by the side of your bed, wrapped in all of your sheets. You seemed to have had a very vivid dream, because you'd managed to trap an arm behind your back, and your legs were clinging onto the bed for dear life. Your head hurt, too. Man, you had some weird dreams. Firstly, that weird... deserted Ponyville thing. It messed with you, but you have an odd feeling that everything within was... more or less accurate. When it comes to your feelings and intentions for the future, at least. You're going to hug Twilight today. It's decided. The second one was... Well, you hadn't had a dream about home in a long while. Not since the first few years here. That could be another kind of sign entirely. ... You preempt your alarm by slamming your hand onto your nightstand and swiping your arm across it to send everything flying. Though your nightstand doesn't seem to exist. You memorized the sides of the bed you fell off of- so that was really weird. You prop your head on your chin, trying to figure this out. Okay, first, these aren't your sheets. They don't smell like they should, look like they should, and they aren't scratchy yet comfortable. No, they feel like comfort itself, wrapped in silk. Second, there is no nightstand. In fact, the bed is way smaller than it should be, and the wall isn't the right colour. Oh yeah, and the wall isn't made of wood. Though it's all pretty beautiful- and you're rested enough to tell that the bed was probably soft as hell, despite its size. You nudge your head in another direction, not caring much that you're still entombed. These sheets are really comfortable. You see a balcony and a small dresser with a mirror above it. While it isn't over-the-top, you can tell that it's expensive as hell. The dresser looks like it's made of ebony- and well taken care of, too- and the mirror has engravings around the outside. You can't say much about the balcony since you can only see the door from this angle. It looks like it's made out of some kind of stained glass, too, so you'd have to get up to inspect it. You can hear water running in an adjacent room. And hooves moving. A bathroom connected to this room, probably. Nudging your head over again, you can't see much of anything this time. Mostly because there's a purple thing in the way. "... Anon?" a voice asks. It's Twilight. Holy shit it's Twilight! Yes! God exists for your benefit after all! You're so happy, and you can't even words put to it in. You kick your legs off of the foreign bed, and hastily climb to your feet. You almost trip over yourself several times in the process, though. You're definitely feeling some sleep-grogginess. Side-note, you're naked. That's a future-Anonymous problem. "Twilight!" You're smiling pretty damned hard, and you can even hear it in your voice. Twilight remains stunned. After a few seconds, a towel magics out of the adjacent bathroom and covers your shame. See, future problem. Even after she recovers, she doesn't say anything. She just looks up at you in confusion. "How are you...?" she sounds exasperated. She continues to stare at you for a while, and you're not sure how to respond to her. You kind of want to just hug her right now, but you're not sure that would go over well. You take the opportunity to look around the room. The instant you look above Twilight, your mind makes the connection that you're in the castle, idiot when you see one of the classic gold-trimmed doors. How you didn't make this connection before, only your tired mind would know. "Uh..." she tries to muster up something to say. Before you can question why the bathroom door is right next to a closet's door, your gaze is pulled back down to Twilight. She still looks confused, but she looks like she had plenty of time to freak out over... Okay, you have some questions. Primarily, 'why the fuck am I in Canterlot, much less the castle' and 'why was I naked, and why did you come out of the bathroom into the room where I was naked, and in bed?' These surely have rational answers. "How are you... feeling?" Twilight asks you, though her gaze quickly travels to anywhere but you in the room. You weren't... really sure how you were feeling, actually. You kind of feel like your entire body has been frozen like you've been to the dentists. But for everything. The back of your head kind of itches, though. You try to scratch it, but all you get back is a sudden, sharp pain when you touch it. Twilight seems quick to notice it, and her focus instantly snaps to that spot. With the use of some magic, the numb feeling extends to that part of you. "Sorry- right. You can't-uh, really feel much, can you?" She lets out an awkward laugh and kicks a hoof under her a few times. "Yeah, it seems like it," you say as the euphoria of seeing your old friend starts to wean off. You can't help but feel the same awkwardness. Yeah, your dream-plan was a bit... half-baked. "So... How did I end up here? Not sure I remember much about it." You ask, returning to your exploration of the visual elements of the room. There's a cool fireplace in the corner, but it doesn't turn up much beyond that- it's your usual guest suite. Except it has rich-people stuff in it. You hear Twilight clear her throat like she would before lectures in the library, which brings a bit of a smile back. "Well, do you remember what happened in Ponyville before you woke up?" ... That was a dream, right? "Uh... I went for a walk through Ponyville, and it was pretty damned empty-" "And you encountered a guard, right?" she cuts you off. Fuck. It wasn't a dream. Your sore head makes a lot of sense now. And your mind is a bit... scattered. "Yeah. Messed around with the guard for a moment-" You got a snort for that, which you couldn't help but chuckle at under your breath "-But got a bit... distracted for a bit. Got up, saw a weird... dog-tree. I think I tried to kill it- but I don't remember anything else after that." It's true that your memory got a bit foggy at the end there, at least. Though you do remember the sound of pots and pans when your head got... soreified. Twilight nods, taking a few cautious steps back. "So the report was accurate, then." "Report?" She pauses, only to send you a questioning look. "Yes, the guard made a report of everything. She was sent to get you after all, Anonymous." The formal voice is coming out. You'd be lying if you said that didn't sting a bit. "Any reason for the VIP treatment?" Twilight pauses once again, this time with genuine confusion on her face. "Didn't you get the message?" "What message?" "Didn't you get a letter or something?" You did check your mailbox, and there wasn't anything on that front. "No, not really. At least, as far as I know, that is." Your answer seems to confuser her slightly. She starts to try and say something but ultimately stops herself. Instead, she sighs and gestures a hoof towards the bathroom. "We can get you up to speed later. Just..." She gestures to it again. Yeah, you... can probably talk about this later. ... You take her directions and head straight for the door. ... Halfway through the room, you can't help but stop. A thought just occurred to you. "Wait, you weren't sure I was going to be awake, right?" you ask. She doesn't answer. "Well, it's good to know you were going to bathe me while I was unconscious. I'll keep that in mind for later." It takes a moment, but you hear her choke up. "Anon! Go!" "Okay, fine. But if this closet turns out to lead into that bathroom, you're going to want an alibi!" "I- For Celestia's sake Anon, I was supposed to make sure you didn't just die or something. Nothing more, nothing less!" "Yet still, a nurse wasn't called to do the weird stuff like that, hmm?" Suddenly, a horn is poking into your lower back. "Go! If you want to talk, then go now!" "Jeez, fine! I'm going!" She pushes you a few times, probably leaving a few marks on your poor back, but you respond in kind by casually shoving a foot backwards and tripping her up. You can hear hostile magic being charged. You book it into the bathroom and close the door behind you. "I'll remember that!" she shouts after you. "I hope so, because being moody doesn't suit you!" You hear magic surge in the corner of the room. Turning your head to investigate, it seems that she froze the hot water pipes leading to the shower. And the bath- which seemed to have been prepared beforehand- has just been KIA. Fucker. "Ohoh- I hope you realize that it's on now!" "You have five minutes!" You don't want to know what she'll do, so you decide to move quickly with what you have. Twilight let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, and a small smile started to form. But not the happiest one. After all this time, after every awkward, terse moment they had since then... Then they go back to acting like they used to in less than five minutes. Even when their last interaction was a complete disaster. One that he vowed to... 'fix.' The smile dropped, and her breathing became strained. She had to ask herself again if this was Celestia's plan all along. To get them to make amends. Another unnatural vision of what would happen if she was here to watch over him as he recovered. It wouldn't explain all of her behaviour, but it would for a significant portion. Plus, her mentor was known for tormenting all of her students. There was a reason why ponies that survived came out of Princess Celestia's school for gifted unicorns were... weird. If this was another time, she might've come to a revelation at that. ... She sighed, taking another glance at the clock. Four minutes had passed. The water went off. Now the real question was, how was she going to explain everything to him? Especially when she had several questions of her own. For instance, why didn't he get a letter about the pickup? And even more importantly, how did he not realize that the timberwolves had incited an evacuation of the town? And even-even more importantly, why did nopony get him in the first place? ... She probably should've been the one to do it. Even if he wouldn't have been happy to see her. In fact, ponies around the town probably assumed that she would have been the one to do it. She hadn't even thought of him. ... She had an odd knack of making herself sad over things like this. This revelation, at least, allowed her a small self-deprecating chuckle. Even if there was a chance they'd go back to that, this would be worth a shot, right? They were still technically old friends... and their friendship never officially ended. It just got terse for a while. "I can... I can do this. It'll be easy! After all, I'm the princess of-" A shriek befitting Rarity came from the closet, breaking her from her thoughts. Spurred on by the sudden chaos, she leapt into action, practically running into the sliding doors as she opened them. There, she saw... Anon huddled over something. Scraps of cloth, it looked like. Black and white- It was the remains of his suit. A sad casualty of war that came from the tragic events of that day. Or at least, that's probably how Rarity would have put it. Though even if he did love the suit... "Anon... why did you scream like you were being murdered?" "Those damn dirty dogs... they chewed it up..." Somehow, she felt that he was trying to cope in his unique way again. He remained there, prone, for a long minute. Holding the scraps close, and never letting go. Until he started laughing, of course. It started low, but it gained traction very quickly. "Twilight... I really need to know. What the fuck happened in Ponyville, and should I be concerned that the clothes I were wearing are now just a really modern fashion statement?" While the genuine question was present in his voice, he was definitely preoccupied with laughing everything out first. She tried to show nothing, only giving him a concerned look. "I can see your terrible poker face showing, Twilight. Did I go super-saiyan or something?" She felt cursed to have asked him what that was once, as her expression quickly broke. "N-no... it was more like... the complete opposite." "Details?" "You tripped over the guard and went head-first into a cookware stand. After getting knocked out cold, the timberwolves nearby took the opportunity to use you as a living squeaky toy. And-uh..." She pointed at the scraps with a hoof. "Ah. Should I thank the guard from before for my life, then?" She was barely holding back her own laughter. "N-not really. After all, you probably wouldn't have done it if she didn't-" "You underestimate my stupidity, Twiggles." She couldn't hold the laughter back at all. "Y-you're right. Honestly, I can't think of any scenario where you don't come out of Ponyville like that. Even if you were evacuated!" Anonymous paused, sending her a look that asked a lot more than she was prepared to answer at the moment. While their laughter died down, the jovial atmosphere remained at the very least. "Oh... yeah, that." Okay, so that was a lot of information to absorb. After vacating the dark confines of the grave once known as a 'closet,' you got dressed (since apparently Twilight had arranged for your necessities to be grabbed from home- from clothes, to your toothbrush, and apparently your dog too. Though Floofy was currently with Fluttershy.) Though since you had no reason to wear anything fancy anymore, you went with absolute comfort. Also, it was getting close to the evening. Ponies didn't understand human fashion anyways. Sweaters and PJs are officially everyday wear. And formal wear. Also, the bastards who transported all of your good shirts got them wrinkled. They will pay in due time. Though that's not the important part. The important parts were the circumstances of... well, everything. Or at least, everything she knew or cared to tell you. To put it short, some sort of MacGuffinite (you didn't bother to remember the name) exploded in the everfree, and most of the creatures were repelled from it. Screaming as they went, reportedly. As most of the creatures just made mad dashes towards any form of shelter nearby, several packs of timberwolves decided to make their home in Ponyville. After a very-thorough and very-speedy evacuation, it was left as a ghost-town in all but two days. Apparently something similar had happened on the frontier a few weeks ago- and most of the day-guard were dealing with the exploded MacGuffin that caused chaos among the buffalo and ponies of Appleloosa. Considering that it was parasprites, they did sort of have to deal with it before a locust-like swarm engulfed everything. So they couldn't just be called back to deal with the situation or split up. They needed the manpower. Or-uh, ponypower. After a quick census of the population included everybody but you among the evacuees, Princess Celestia wanted to have you transported here (as a good ruler does,) but didn't really have the means. Princess Luna- with the very-infrequently-used and newly-reformed night-guard still on standby- volunteered to sort it out. From what she knew, Twilight told you that Luna was supposed to send out a letter to warn you to stay inside while a small party came to fetch you. Also, apparently a significant portion of the night-guard was sent to Ponyville to drive out the Timberwolves after you were to be picked up, and they're working on it now. Though a portion stayed to man the castle on a skeleton-crew. Though details beyond that weren't in her area of expertise. Something to investigate later. Particularly about the missing letter. After the chaos started (and abruptly ended due to your sliight amount of stupidity,) you were shipped up to Canterlot on a stretcher. She didn't go into details, but in her own words "If you had scars, you'd probably look like a cheeseboard." Magic is magic. It also explained your lack of clothes and the state of the poor pile of cloth that needed a proper viking burial. Though the pain you felt earlier and the applied numbness was due to a few... side-effects of what they had to use on you. Apparently they had to resort to alchemic solutions since you are technically a creature that doesn't absorb much magic. Normal magic just wasn't quite cutting it. If this wasn't pony-land and you hadn't lost a leg or two- temporarily- before, you might've freaked out over the fact that you were probably moments from death. So to put it short, the pain wasn't because of the bumps to the head. It was because of the medicine. She undid the spell keeping the numbness on one of your fingers, just to show you why it was there. It felt like it was covered with napalm. So yeah, you're sticking to her like dried glue for a while. But that was essentially the extent of everything, other than a few other smidgens of information spread about. ... Somewhere in the interim, you'd fixed up the bed you were apparently confined to for the stay- which was one of the rarer cases, being placed in the castle. Supposedly a way for Celestia to 'apologize' for everything that had happened in Ponyville- and took a seat. Eventually, Twilight stopped pacing while spitting out information and took a very similar position next to you. The growing silence and realization that both of you had nothing else to speak about was becoming slightly noticeable as time went on. Something that you could fix with another topic entirely. "Well, that was a productive info-dump," you laugh, stretching out from a prolonged period of thinker-posing. "Though I've just come to realize I feel as hungry as a horse." That was a classic joke you used to trip up Twilight. It still seemed to work, as she let out a loud laugh before covering her mouth with a hoof. And only then did you hear the groan. Ice: Broken. "If you don't make another joke like that, I'll order something up," she offers/threatens. "Nah. I need a trot anyways," you answer, giving another hearty stretch (and a groan) as you stand up. Twilight's groan follows not too soon afterwards. "Plus, I do have a few questions, just in case we run into a certain nightly-pony. Said pony you probably have questions for as well?" Twilight just nods and gets up with a similar stretch. ... She grew an inch or two since you last saw her. Considering the fact that Celestia was about as tall as you- minus the horn. They're for cheaters, anyways- it was actually a noticeable difference. You give her a pat on the head, just to assert dominance anyways. You will impose to the grave. And hopefully said grave comes before alicorn-cheats gets her to be taller than you, or something stupid like that. After shaking your hand off, she gives off a little huff before making her way to the door. Headpats are now a part of your new arsenal. Wait- have you even booped Twilight before? "Questions for later, Anon," you remind yourself as you follow after her. You'd just about arrived in the dining hall. And somewhere along the way, you'd managed to strike up a few casual conversations with Books. After all, there was certainly a lot to catch up on. Or at least, a lot to listen to. Your years of hermitting were a bit... uneventful. Though you did manage to tell her about your weird encounter with Celestia in the throne-room. Not particularly when or why, but generally about everything that went on during and after. She was intrigued. She wouldn't tell you why. It was a bit suspicious. Nonetheless, the lingering smell of food was an attractive prospect. You were a tad bit too late to catch the crowd- something Twilight was going to fix in the morning, apparently- but it was pretty normal for guests to come in later for something to nibble on. Usually, it's desserts. Twilight did specify that chocolate-cake is not a good recovery food. But what does she know, anyway? She trots ahead of you once you see the doors, and politely opens them. If you weren't technically recovering from being injured and the doors weren't literally covered in gold, you might've taken offence to that. ... The room itself is... decidedly massive. And is equally embellished as the throne-room. Definitely a frequent party location. The sight that has you thrown off the most though, is the presence of Celestia at the end of one of the tables. If it wasn't for the 'I have sorrows I need to forget' levels of chocolate cake in front of her, you might've been more concerned. That doesn't mean your heart doesn't threaten to have an attack anyways, though. After all, the imposing goddess-whose-snoot-was-tarnished was here. She pauses mid-bite to see who entered the room. Once she spots you, she seems to choke on her food for a moment. You're frozen, and completely unsure if the guillotine is coming out or not. After a few moments to recover from her fit of coughing, she abruptly gets up, gaze snapping over to Twilight. "Tw-Twilight! A pleasure. I see our guest has woken!" she somehow sounds as stressed as you are. That only strengthens your fear. Twilight starts to poke your lower back with a horn until you start moving. She whispers something along the lines of "she's greeting us- get moving!" to you. Celestia takes a hesitant step back. Looks like the memory of a few months is about as fresh on her mind as it is on yours. Now you're down five bits too- After the effort to relocate you across the room is expended and both of the tallest beings in the room have shared at least 12 terrified looks, Twilight finally gets the opportunity to speak. "W-well, he was asleep until about an hour ago. He wanted to get something to eat, and I saw this as a good time to report his state! A-and look at that, you're here in the dining hall!" She gives out one of her classic 'oh god how could this get worse' set of laughs. At least she read the mood of the room. "So as you see, he's doing fine! Hurting a bit because of the medicine, but fine!" she finishes, taking her gaze anywhere else in the room. And considering that Celestia was giving you all of her attention, Twilight had every reason to do so. In some ways, it was almost like she was expecting you to do something. Even if you were locked eye-to-eye, it was obvious that she was tense. The neck leaning back and the ears at full mast were a dead give-away. Though she did also seem a bit... entranced. ... Celestia suddenly snaps her gaze away from you, and her dish from earlier immediately takes a lift from the table. "W-well, it's always good to see a subject in good health!" she starts, but her gaze- and subsequently, her attention- quickly shifts over to Twilight. She also seems to suddenly gain the composure of a saint. "Though I will have to take my leave earlier than planned. Considering recent events, I have much work to do," her voice is even calm enough to push away a few of your own fears. She leans down to give Twilight the smallest of nuzzles. "I am sorry I could not chat, Twilight, but I've had a busy day. I must retire for the night, and this was planned to be a snack anyways," she says, gesturing casually to her dessert. Twilight seems equally flustered to your terrified and tries to jumble out some words. You think it was somewhere along the lines of "oh that's okay, you have a lot to do, and we were busy anyway!" but it was probably twice the length of that. You're still paralyzed. Celestia's horn starts to glow brighter for a moment, seemingly going for a teleport, but suddenly dies down. She looks over towards you, and... smiles. Out of seemingly nowhere- or maybe just because you're starting to experience some tunnel-vision and didn't see it- the Princess suddenly pushes a hoof out, lightly tapping your nose. You're stunned. She uses that opportunity to lean in and whisper "consider that payback," before casually brushing past you. Then she teleports away. ... Well, that just kicked all your expectations where it hurt.