Longing for the Past

by Fantasia


A New Vessel

Rainbow groaned, finding herself buried head-first within a mound of snow.

Narrowing her eyes and gritting her teeth, she got to her hind hooves and, firmly placing her forehooves on either side of her head, pulled her head free.

She fell back on her haunches, and shook the snow from her face and mane, all the while thinking, All right, that's it. No more Ms. Nice Mare!

She turned her attention back to her home in the clouds, and her heart sank... her angry scowl melting away. As her home collapsed in on itself. her attention found itself focusing on the lone pony falling from its floor.

with no snow under the shadow her home had cast to cushion her fall...

"Twilight!"

Rainbow scrambled to her hooves, and sprang into the air before darting off to where her girlfriend had fallen.

A sudden, dark fog materialized before her, with Nightmare Moon's upper half solidifying and springing forth from the dark mass.

"Stay thy hoof!"

She whipped her head, swiping her horn at Rainbow who narrowly dodged the attack.

Rainbow swerved and skidded through the snow to a halt, staring down the alicorn as she manifested fully.

Stepping out onto the snow, Nightmare Moon turned partway, locking eyes with the pegasus.

Rainbow, in turn, lowered her stance, crouching forward and standing her ground.

Nightmare Moon smirked at this.

"You are becoming quite the little pest," she mocked. "Do you honestly believe a child like you... stands a chance of defeating me?"

"Well, I won't know until I try."

The smile fell from Nightmare Moon's lips.

"Impudent brat." Her eyes once again turned white. Lightning sparked from her horn as she lowered into a charging position. A harsh wind stirred up the snow around them as a dense and eerie fog rolled in. "You will learn not to stand in my way!"


Mm... wha...?

Twilight's vision slowly came into focus, and she lifted her aching head, looking around warily.

Voices... she slowly came to realize. W-where—?

A pained scream came suddenly, and hauntingly from deep within the fog.

Rainbow?

Her eyes widened with fear as her chest grew heavy with sickening worry. She clumsily got to her forelegs and attempted to pull herself up off the ground when she froze, struck by a sudden realization.

I can't feel my legs...

She flipped over onto her back, staring in dismay at the sight of her hind legs in tatters, smoke seeping out through the open holes.

N-no... She desperately placed her hooves over whatever she could cover. "No no no no no no, no! W-why am I not healing?!"

"Because you're no longer the one in charge."

Twilight whipped her head around, coming face-to-face with the source of the sinister voice as she emerged from the fog. "Nightmare—?"

"When Sombra had you by the strings," Nightmare Moon continued. "You were magnificent—a true auteur... But now look at you."

Twilight tched, turning away from the villain to focus more on her wounds.

"With you in control of this dark power... you'll simply fade away, unable to regenerate. You have no control over it."

Twilight squeezed her eyelids shut.

Shut up shut up shut up—!

"But I can help you control it." A smoky tendril lifted her chin, lifting her wavering gaze to meet hers. "I have what it takes to master this dark magic." Nightmare Moon cracked a toothy grin. "I... can make you immortal."

"You mean your new vessel." Twilight forced her gaze away, swatting the tendril away. "I'd rather perish..."

"I cannot allow that." Nightmare Moon's tone grew serious. "When Luna lost to you, Twilight... I knew I needed a new host, and I saw one in you. Your potential is unlimited, your newfound strength is unparalleled, but what's truly special about you, Twilight Sparkle... is all of that jealously and rage you keep tucked away deep down inside. You try to stay calm and collected... but all this time, you've been harboring such bitter contempt for the ponies in power, Celestia, Luna... Chrysalis. Their war for this land has caused you so much strife, so much loss, and still you maintain a glimmer of hope because your beloved says everything will be alright."

I-I... Twilight's gaze faltered, feeling her resolve continue to weaken with each passing second.

"I told you before, did I not?" Nightmare sneered in delight, as her body began to de-materialize into smoke. "I said I'd snuff out that last bit of precious light."

Twilight's eyes widened, letting out a gasp right before being ensnared by the smoke. It swirled around her, creating a vacuum of wind that stirred up the nearby snow.

As the cyclone of snow whirled around her, she squeezed her eyelids shut, resisting the overwhelming urge to scream. Her head was thrown back as the smoke itself filed in through her sinuses, her entire body stiffening as every muscle was slowly taken over.

Her eyes shot open, burning brightly as she felt her consciousness begin to fade.

And just like that, it was over.

The light dimmed from her eyes as she opened them, coming to inside the interior of her old library.

She blinked her eyes, looking around herself in awe.

T-this isn't...

She cut herself off, catching sight of her hooves out of the corner of her eyes as she looked around, and held one out before her eyes. The fur, and familiar purple hue were unmistakable.

This was her body, without any crystal surrounding it.

It's like before... Everything, she thought, lowering her hoof, is like before... Then, t-that just means...

Her ears flopped as her head and shoulders slumped, the glimmer in her eyes fading.

None of this is...

Real?

Twilight's head shot up, startled by the sudden voice. Across the foyer, the room seemed to ripple and distort for a long moment as the ghostly image of Nightmare Moon manifested itself before her.

N-Nightmare Moon? she stammered out, taking a nervous step backwards. W-where...? You... can read m-my thoughts?

Of course, little one, she replied simply. After all, we're one now, you and me.

Of one mind? Twilight repeated in thought. So that means... She grew pensive, looking off wistfully.

I'm a part of you, Twilight Sparkle, Nightmare Moon explained with a growing sneer, as she stepped closer. I told you that I could save you. Already my magic is repairing the damage dealt to your body.

Twilight nodded begrudgingly, letting out a little snort. So I can serve you without question? she asked.

Nightmare Moon's sneer fell, as the look on her face turned serious.

If you and your friends hadn't interfered, she accused, every creature in Equestria would be doing the same. She took a step closer, her gaze glowering. It is mere destiny that all things bow to me.

She stopped, gazing down at the little pony who seemed lost in thought.

So... what say you... Twilight Sparkle?

Twilight remained quiet for a single, long moment.

What say me? She turned her head towards the villain, taking a defiant stance, her horn aglow. Fat chance.

Nightmare Moon glared back at her, insulted. You'd defy me?!

Twilight doubled down, kneeling forward, gaze fixated into a glare. I'm not about to stand by and watch you strip away everypony's free will!

A heavy silence fell over the two, with neither moving an inch, nor saying a word... Nightmare Moon merely staring back at the younger mare, unamused.

Foolish girl... she began. Free will is an illusion! You've spent your whole life praising the sun, and praising her... dedicating your entire life to her! Her horn ignited suddenly, a beam past her, and tearing through the wall above her... leaving a rugged trail in its wake. Twilight's heart nearly escaped her chest as the beam whizzed by her, her hooves stumbling backwards. You adopted Spike because of her... you made friends because of her... you rose up to stop me... because... of... her. Yes, you're ever the faithful student... All this power and potential, and you use it to serve somepony who'd be as loathed as I, were she the one left largely ignored!

Black tendrils manifested themselves from behind where Nightmare Moon stood, shooting towards, and ensnaring Twilight in their grasp, anchoring her body to the library wall before she barely had the chance to utter a startled cry.

Twilight lurched forward, reeling from the impact. She winced as debris from the ceiling crumbled down around her. Ngh... H-how are you—?

But now your heart wavers, having come to the realization that she isn't a pony worthy of worship! Always asking that you believe in her and yet... you can't seem to count on her. Instead, it was you and your friends who had to pick up the fallen pieces and clean up her mess... Nightmare Moon sneered as she leaned in close to her ear. We should be the ones in charge. We're everything she isn't, we... could save everyone.

Twilight froze, her body slowly going limp, her brow softly raising. We...?

She bit her lip in contemplation, her thoughtful gaze becoming obscured by her bangs.

I agree, she uttered after a moment, that the ruling class have made a lot of mistakes... but I wouldn't be any better! She looked dead ahead of her, into her enemy's eyes with a determined look. I too, have let so many ponies down. My friends, Rainbow Dash... even my own family. She peered back away at the somber reminder. I don't even deserve to be a Princess of Friendship, much less a ruler of Equestria...

Nightmare Moon scowled. That is not what I said. We—!

You? Twilight scoffed halfheartedly. You think you'd be a better leader than Celestia... but you would only be worse. Celestia may be a lot of things... but she sent me here to make friends, and... and I, I made five wonderful ones! That's something you'd never allow—!

Enough! Nightmare Moon exclaimed, her tone raising, and temper flaring. For our union to work, you must see things my way. Her angered simmered as she took a step back, draping her free hoof down further, until it lay over the younger mare's chest. I had hoped you would be more agreeable, but alas...

Nightmare Moon drew back her hoof, and with it, tendrils of darkness were yanked forth from the young mare's chest.

Twilight writhed, gasping breathlessly at the feeling of her very essence being yanked out from deep within her.

As you ponies say... Out with the old— Twilight weakly opened her gaze to meet Nightmare Moon's sinister smile. —and in with the new.

The darkness snapped loose from her chest, and dropped to the floor like spilled lines of ink.

Now rise... Twilight Sparkle's shadow! Nightmare Moon commanded.

Twilight stared at the spot on the floor, her gaze unwavering. M-my... shadow...?

The streaks of black goo slowly joined together, forming into a single, gelatinous blob.

Nightmare Moon cocked her head to the side, staring back at her dryly. Yes, Twilight, your shadow. All your bitterness and anger incarnate! She turned her attention back to the growing mass with a wicked grin. There'll be no resistance from this one.

Twilight watched with a twinge of fear in her eyes as the mass slowly took the shape of her body.

The more time you spent in Celestia's precious light, the more it grew!

Twilight snapped out of it, beseeching pleadingly to Nightmare Moon, You have to stop! You can't possibly hope to control these emotions! They're... they're something only I can manage!

Nightmare Moon snorted at her words, her plea falling on deaf ears. Well isn't that convenient! Sorry, Sparkle... but you refused my little offer, so now I have no choice but to draw upon your darkest wants and feelings.

T-they'll overpower you! Twilight persisted. You... you have no idea just how much I've been holding back my entire life! Even moments ago, when you possessed me... I... I-I wasn't scared, I was—!

Oh shut up.

The dark apparition fully formed, resembling Twilight in every detail except one. The color had been drained from her body completely as she now bore a light gray coat, and jet black hair.

I was angry...

The dark apparition opened her eyes, revealing her black irises.

She looked around expressionless for a moment, muttering in amazement, I'm free...

A wicked sneer began to spread across her face.

Nightmare Moon rolled her eyes.

Yes yes, you're free. Now, can we get to why I brought you here in the first place?

Twilight's shadow dropped her smile, and turned back to Nightmare Moon slowly with a perturbed look.

Join with me— Nightmare Moon held out her hoof. —so that we may become one.

Twilight's shadow stared back at her for a moment, before peering down dubiously at the outstretched hoof, then back again at the one offering it to her.

Slowly, she rose her own hoof up off the ground.

Yes... Nightmare Moon's smile widened. That's it...

No! Twilight yelled forth from across the room. You have no idea what you're doing!

I know exactly what it is I am doing! Nightmare Moon snapped back at her. She turned back in time for Twilight's shadow to clasp her hoof.

Famous last words, she said, a slick, black ooze seeping from her hoof, and proceeding up Nightmare Moon's foreleg.

What!?

The ooze spread rapidly across Nightmare Moon's body, locking her in place all while reducing her body to a malleable state... absorbing it into her hoof.

Nightmare Moon cursed, feeling her thoughts begin to fade.

You wretched little foal! How dare you do this to me! I, I freed you! I... I am—!

The slime dripped over Nightmare's Moon face and muzzle, cutting her off, and reducing what remained of her consciousness into the same black ooze that Twilight's shadow assimilated.

She stood still for a moment, staring ahead, expressionless.

Twilight watched from her restraints, motionless, unblinking... too unnerved to make a sound.

Overrated, the shadow at long last murmured, before turning away without a second thought. That's what you princesses are. You're all given so much power and responsibility, and what do they do with it, other than squander it? You make bad decision after bad decision after bad decision! She turned furious to her other self, still embedded in the wall of the treehouse.

You're the worst of them all! her doppelganger screamed. You're supposed to be a Princess of Friendship? A pony who selfishly spreads goodwill and cheer, and you... y-you fall head over hooves for a pony you've never once felt a romantic inkling to before... at Spike's own funeral no less!

Twilight winced at the outburst, before steadily averting her eyes.

You were so reckless, making such rash decisions pushing your friends to the wayside even... and look where it's gotten you. You're homeless, friendless, your own girlfriend is dead... not to mention your own family...

Twilight sniffled, lifting her head and glaring back at her doppelganger.

Her shadow, in turn, smirked back at her.

And here I thought you were drained of all your anger... What, can't you handle hearing the truth?

What I can't handle... is my past... being dug up... including m-my mistakes, a-and losses... and having them thrown right back in my face!

I hope you choke on them, her shadow murmured callously.

Twilight peered away pensively, in deep thought. I've let a lot of ponies down, and... had I known better... I would have done it all differently... She smiled fondly, returning her gaze to her evil shadow. But now... all of that's in the past. There's no going back, there's... only moving forward. You wouldn't know that because you're nothing but the anger and frustration I felt in those moments. The difference is I was able to let it go—!

Shut up! her shadow screamed suddenly, causing her to jump slightly. Her doppelganger fumed, glaring icy daggers into her other self. Would you stop acting so high and mighty? You have nothing to look forward to anymore! Your friends have abandoned you, a-and anypony you once considered family is dead!

I have my brother, and step-sister, Twilight rebuked.

Her shadow scoffed at that.

Cadance, and Shining Armor? Big whoop.

And come to think of it, Twilight continued, with a slight, coy smirk, Rainbow's not exactly the type to die so easily.

Twilight's shadow grit her teeth.

Twilight donned a confident look. So I'm not about to give up either, a-and neither are my friends! They'll come around eventually... She lowered her gaze, smiling softly. I just know they will...

Oh, and why's that? her doppelganger mocked. Because you're the Princess of Friendship?

Exactly.

Her shadow narrowed her eyes back at her. You princesses think you're all so noble... Well guess what? It's thanks to the likes of you that the world is in such a sorry state. Maybe you're right: maybe I am unable to let it go... but who's to say I should? Kings, queens... princesses... I will absorb their strength, then make it all mine, and do with it something they never could.

Twilight stood her ground, staring back at the madmare, unamused.

I will make this a perfect world... One free of conflict and strife! I only have the powers of Nightmare Moon and King Sombra, but once I control this body... I'll have the powers of the Element of Magic herself!

Twilight grimaced, and with all her might, tore her right foreleg free from her restraints. She breathed out, glaring back at her doppelganger. Not if I take back my body first!

She ripped the remainder of her restraints loose, before falling forward onto her forelegs.

Her doppelganger laughed. Are you for real? You seriously think you stand a chance? Need I remind you of what you told Nightmare Moon?

Twilight's brow lifted at the stark reminder. N-no... she replied, getting to her hooves. B-but I'm not about to hand over my body willingly either!

Hmph. Her doppelganger stared back at her, unamused by her resolve. Yes you will.

She stomped her hoof, and from under it, a blackness seeped across the floor that forced her other half to take a few startled steps back.

W-what is—?

Nightmare Moon's ability to spread darkness wherever she went. Her doppelganger formed a smirk. Neat, huh?

The darkness quickly spread, coating the walls and interior of her mind until it resembled nothing more than a black void.

Twilight's lips slowly parted in dismay as she watched it all unfold, before she switched back to her doppelganger with a glare.

If you think clouding my mind in darkness is going to stop me—!

Stop you? She laughed some more. Please... I'm merely redecorating.

Tendrils of black sludge grabbed Twilight by her fetlocks, tugging at them from the ground. She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sudden, cool touch.

Her horn fired off a single, broad beam, whizzing by her target and instead tearing through the ceiling as she was thrown off balance, and tossed backwards into a wall. The darkness cocooned over forelegs and hind legs... leaving only her chest and head exposed.

Sorry, Sparkle, her doppelganger grinned in glee, but it's my mind now!

Y-you...! Twilight grit her teeth, struggled against the darkness's hold on her.

Don't worry, her shadowy doppelganger added in a condescending tone, nopony can argue that you didn't at least put up a fight.

She turned without a moment's hesitation, walking and leaving her hapless other self in the dark, grunting and fighting ever still against her new restraints.

I... I-I'll get out of this! Twilight screamed out after her. Even if... even if it kills me! I... I won't let you hurt my friends!

Her doppelganger gave a less than enthused nod in response, rolling her eyes at her other self's solemn vow. I'm not holding my breath.

She soon stopped, staring down at an inconspicuous spot on the murky floor's surface. This spot should do, she decided aloud, igniting her horn.

The area before her began rippling, followed by the emergence of a tall object, covered in the same black sludge that coated the walls and floor.

The sludge swiftly solidified, taking the shape of a tall, black throne, its interior a dark gray with a deep red stripe down its center, leading to the seat itself. Decorative rinceau patterns adorned the sides, and atop the throne sat a carving of a malevolent-looking alicorn with broad, outstretched wings.

Ah... Twilight's shadow marveled. A throne fit for Equestria's one true ruler. Now, then...

She sat back, crossing her hind legs and resting her cheek against the hoof of her propped-up foreleg.

With a wave of her free foreleg, she opened up her body's eyes, appearing as two large windows suspended before her.

Her own eyes widened.

Rainbow Dash stood before her new body, hooves rested upon her shoulders, and shaking them desperately.

Twilight eased her struggling, noticing Rainbow's familiar colors from the other side of her body's eyes.

Rainbow...

Twilight's shadow jolted forth from her seat.

What!?

She gritted her teeth and clenched one of her hooves before slamming it down against the armrest.

How is she still alive?!

Twilight smiled in relief.

That's loyalty for you. Rainbow Dash would never leave me hanging so easily.

Oh we'll see about that... Her shadow waved her hoof once more. Ears! she commanded, then turned her attention back towards the view outside. May as well hear what she's blathering on about...

"Twilight!"

Her voice echoed like a voice through a loudspeaker.

"Twilight, can you hear me! It's me... Rainbow Dash!"