“...is that they don’t need any rules.”
-Gary
“You’ve made it. You’ve come this far. Before you is the entrance to a massive tunnel. It’s walls are wet from the cold inside. It’s ceiling disappears in the darkness. The edges of the wall are only dimly lit now as the light of your torches can only reach so far. A foul odor reaches your noses. There are bodies piled up on the walls.”
“Gross.” Rainbow winced.
Discord looked at Big Mac. “What do you think? Others that came before us?”
“E-yup.” Big Mac looked it all over. His nose flared up. “There is evil here.”
Rainbow groaned. “That’s nice. But what about the gold?”
“Quiet, thief.” Big Mac checked the surrounding area. “The Mountain King may be here.”
“I doubt it.” Rainbow pointed deeper into the tunnel. “Let’s just sneak in, grab the gold, and get out.”
Big Mac shook his head. “What about the princess.”
“He’s right.” Discord weighed all their options. “We have to be weary of the King. And, odds are, we won’t find the gold without the princess. Plus, remember all the gold we were promised if we did find the princess. That’s even more gold, isn’t it?”
Rainbow hummed. “You’re trying to appeal to my love of riches, and it’s working. Fine. We’ll find the princess, but we won’t find her just standing around here all night.”
“Agreed. Let us move on.” Discord nodded to Big Mac and Rainbow to move ahead.
“Moving ahead, you can see the tunnel opens up into a great hall. Large pillars of jade and gold support massive archways that hold up the stone ceiling. You can see, ahead of you, a small light glows over a throne of marble and silver. The closer you get, you can tell the light is emanating from a large ruby mounted above the throne.”
Rainbow smiled. “Mine. I want it. I want it!”
“Wait.” Discord stopped Rainbow. “It could be a trap.”
Big Mac nodded. “E-yup.”
Discord moved in. “I’ll inspect it, I might know enough to guess what it is.”
“As you inspect the ruby, you can feel that it’s giving off a mysterious aura.”
Discord frowned at that. “Sorry, time out. Really?! A mysterious aura? What is that supposed to mean, Spike?”
Spike peered over his binder which shielded his notes from the game board that was covered in paper miniatures. “It’s a mysterious aura. What did you expect? You don’t have proficiency in knowledge of the arcana, and your roll was an eight.”
“Fine, fine. Time in.” Discord took in a deep breath before speaking. “Frye, I wouldn’t mess with this gem.”
“Awe.” Rainbow cried. “I thought you were Captain Wuzz, not Captain Killjoy.”
Discord gestured to the miniature of the throne. “Frye, it could be cursed. Remember the tavern incident with the bartender’s family heirloom.”
Rainbow sheepishly laughed to Big Mac. “Yeah, sorry McBiggun.”
Big Mac laughed a little. “Thieves will be thieves.”
“Wow, I really feel targeted over here.” Rainbow gestured to herself. “Let’s not forget who got past all the guards so we didn’t have to kill everyone for a key.”
Spike faked a gasp. “You hear something, something is coming. You can hear the crashing sounds of footsteps. Ba-boom. Ba-boom.”
Discord motioned to Rainbow and Big Mac. “Get ready for anything.”
Rainbow rolled a twenty sided die. “I’ll stealth.”
Spike looked over his binder at the die. “You successfully sneak into the shadows, unseen.”
Big Mac pushed his piece over to Discord’s. “I cast aid on Captain Wuzz.”
Spike reached into a cardboard box and fished for an object. “The light of fire spills into the great hall.” He pulled out a dinosaur toy with paper wings taped to its back. “A giant diseased dragon with glowing eyes faces you all. His deep voice booms. So, you have come for my gold and my princess?”
Discord put up his paw and claws. “Now, now. I’m sure there’s a way we can work this ou-.”
“I use sneak attack…” Rainbow rolled her die again. “Yes! Natural twenty! Double damage dice, sucker.”
“Frye!” Discord grabbed his ears. “Oh, no.”
Big Mac mumbled as he flipped through the pages on his clipboard.
Spike laughed a little as he said, “Roll for initiative, everyone.”
“We’re gonna die. We’re gonna die!” Discord rolled his die. “Seventeen on the die.”
“Eight.” Big Mac said.
Rainbow rolled her initiative. “Thirteen.”
“The dragon rolled a ten.” Spike eyed Discord. “Captain Wuzz, the dragon snarls in fury as he yanks out Frye’s throwing stars. What do you do?”
“I use my bow.” Discord rolled his attack. “Sixteen! Fourteen damage.”
“That hits!” Spike marked the paper behind his binder. “He lets out a roar as the arrow hits him right in the shoulder.”
Discord rolled again. “I use my extra attack and take cover behind a pillar. Eighteen, and twelve more damage.” He moved his character piece behind a bottle cap that represented a pillar.
Spike hummed. “The dragon makes an attack of opportunity on you as you take cover.” He picked up a set of dice and rolled them into a box. “Ooh. The dragon just reaches you, dragging his sharp claws along your back for eighteen points of damage.”
Rainbow’s jaw dropped. “Woah, that’s a lot of damage.”
“We’re gonna die…” Discord tallied up the numbers and groaned at his remaining hit points.
Spike looked to rainbow. “It’s your turn frye.”
Rainbow stared at the dragon on the board. “This can’t be right, he’s way too powerful.” She reluctantly rolled her dice. “Seventeen? I, uh, use my leg crossbow. It’ll be eight damage if it hits.”
Spike shook his head. “The dragon looks at you after your arrow bounces from his face. It’s now his turn.”
Rainbow leaned back in her seat. “We are going to die.”
Spike rolled his dice. “He attacks you, Frye.”
“Gah!” Rainbow looked through her paper. “Wait! I use uncanny dodge!”
“As you jump out of the way, the dragon’s fist comes down right next to you, cracking the stone floor and sending debis your way. You take half damage. Twelve.” Spike motioned to Big Mac. “McBiggun, your move.”
Big Mac rolled his dice. “Nineteen and Sixteen.”
Spike nodded. “Both hit.”
Big Mac smiled at the results of his dice. “Twenty eight damage. Total.”
“The dragon wails as you slice, left and right, at his leg.” Spike marked that down. “Captain Wuzz.”
Discord didn’t like it. The dragon was too powerful. He knew there had to be a way around all this. “I use perception to look at the ruby! Eighteen. Is it doing anything?”
“Yes,” Spike shined a flashlight over the toy chair that was the throne, “you can see the ruby radiates light as the dragon gets close to it.”
“Fry, the ruby! Destroy it!” Discord had a hunch, he just hoped he was right.
Rainbow grumbled. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to break it. Uh, I attempt to pull the ruby out of the throne.”
“It looks like it won’t budge,” Spike smiled, “but you manage to free it from its place above the throne.”
“I hope this works.” Rainbow pointed at Big Mac. “I use my cunning action to dash over to McBiggun, screaming destroy it!”
Spike pulled out a red marble and moved Rainbow’s piece over to Big Mac’s. “As you run across to McBiggun, the dragon makes an opportunity attack on you.” He rolled his dice, and his eyes grew. “Woah. That will be forty two damage as he spews a pillar of fire at you.”
Rainbow looked at Big Mac. “Six hit points left.”
Big Mac cracked his neck as he rolled. “Divine favor. And, level two divine smites for both attacks. Fifty three damage.”
“Can he do that?” Rainbow stared at the pile of dice that was laid down.
Spike nodded as he looked at Big Mac’s dice. “Your first swipe at the ruby cracks it. And as you swing your longsword down upon it, it shatters, spilling light everywhere! The dragon squirms as the light transforms him. He’s getting smaller. His face, it’s turned to a pony’s. You can see, it’s the King of Gygaxia.”
“What?!” Discord shouted.
“No way!” Rainbow got up and paced the room. “He was supposed to be dead!”
Big Mac shook his head. “Hm-nope.”
Spike cleared his throat and changed his pitch. “Father! Father! Princess Belle Breeze flies in from deep within the hall. She clings to her father and looks at you all. You’ve saved him, you’ve broken the Queen’s curse.”
Discord grabbed his ears. “What? The Queen did this to him?”
“Yes, she wanted us out of the picture so she could take over the kingdom.”
"The plot thickens.” Rainbow nodded. “What did I say, boys? I knew something was off from the beginning.”
Spike frowned as he looked at the clock on the wall. “Woah. It’s getting late.”
“Yeah,” Discord stretched out his back, “how long have we been playing?”
Big Mac looked at the clock. “Eight hours.”
Rainbow yawned as she joined Discord in stretching. “Wow, I guess time flies when you’re having fun. And Spike, I’m really loving this campaign you got going. What about you, Big Mac? You liking it?”
“E-yup.” Big Mac nodded. “Especially once it grew on me. It’s been a while since I had this much fun. I can’t wait for more. But for now, it is getting late, and there’s some chores I need to get done tomorrow.”
“Alright everyone. See you all next week.” Spike started packing up his dice and his binder.
Rainbow and Big Mac made their respective exits while Discord helped Spike pack everything up. “You’ve got an awesome campaign by the way. You really blew my mind with the whole reveal about the Queen.”
“Thanks.” Spike shrugged. “And, I suppose I should be thanking your mom for letting us use the basement.”
“Yeah. Aside from the washing machine and dryer, we don’t have much storage.” Discord looked at Spike. Something was up. “You still staying over tonight?”
“Yeah.” Spike bluntly stated.
“What’s wrong?” Discord pressed on. “If there’s something wrong you can tell me.”
Spike became sluggish as he puttered around, not really cleaning up anything anymore. “My dad asked Donna to marry him.”
“Oh.” Discord could feel the cut from those words as they left Spike’s mouth. “I’m sorry about that. Who knows, maybe things will get better if they get married. And besides, you have Rarity, so things are looking up. Right?”
“Yeah.” Spike rubbed his arm as he stared around the garage. “I just kinda liked the idea of this miracle, where my dad and your mom somehow got together, we’d be brothers, and-. I know, it’s stupid.”
“Hey.” Discord grabbed Spike’s shoulder. “As far as I’m concerned, we are brothers.” He could see a distant look that was growing in Spike’s eyes. “Believe me.”
Spike shrugged. “Yeah. And like you said, I’ve got Rarity.”
Discord felt his insides hurt at that. “So when are you gonna pop the question? You’ve only been on fifty million dates.”
“Hey now.” A smile came back to Spike. “It’s not my fault I’m so good at mowing lawns. The bits just rain into my wallet. What about you? Going out with Fluttershy again?”
“Yeah, but I got to find a cheap date. As long as I’m in the wealth desert, I’m not exactly gonna be able to spend big money on dates.”
“Maybe mowing lawns isn’t your best option for work.” Spike thought. “You’re old enough. Maybe you could apply for a job at the mall.”
Discord pondered on that. The idea had never actually occurred to him. It would certainly be more profitable since an hourly wage would guarantee steady payment that didn’t rely on the number of lawns he mowed. “I’ll have to look into that.”
They both finished packing everything up and made their way upstairs. Before going all the way up, though, Discord looked at the game table which was lit by a single light that hung from above. He smiled at the memory, the adventure. A longing for it all made him dread heading back upstairs. There was more room in the garage. There was room enough for a couch, a coffee table, and even a spot with a plug where a radio and sound system could plug into. Discord imagined all of the things this basement could become. He imagined the adventures he could share with his friends around the game table. It was all so promising.
Discord sighed with a smile as he shut off the light and ascended the stairs, the adventure of the day still fresh on his mind.