//------------------------------// // Chapter 9 // Story: The Things He Carried // by Makerofthebuttswagger //------------------------------// When the nurse had notified Toby that he would be staying for only a couple days more, he couldn't have been more happy. Well, happy was a rather relative term, but I digress. Unfortunately, that mood lasted for about two seconds. The nurse informed him that Princess Luna would be coming by later to talk with him. "Wait - why her!?" Toby cried in outrage, sitting up. "Of all the princesses -" "Mr. O'Leary, sit down!!" the nurse protested, bustling over to his bedside. She made to gently push him back down onto the pillow, but he batted away her hoof. She backed away, looking hurt and startled. "Don't," Toby snapped. "I'm fine. You ponies don't have any boundaries." Nurse Bluecross opened her mouth slightly, but only managed a strangled squeak. She then shook her head dejectedly and left the room. Toby allowed himself to flop back down onto his pillow. As he did this, he noticed that his right arm felt curiously stiff. He looked down and saw a cast there. How had he not noticed it before? Maybe in all the excitement of avoiding food he managed to forget that his arm was broken. How in the world did he manage? Maybe you're finally becoming numb, he thought to himself. It's not like I'm a stranger to pain at this point... He rolled onto his good side and closed his eyes. Maybe he could sleep through the rest of the day. He slowly drifted off into the dreamscape, trying not to think about Luna. When he woke up, the lighting outside the window on the other end of the room was much dimmer than it had been when he had fell asleep, meaning he had slept most of the day away. He sighed. Did this mean he had slept through Luna's visit? That would have been swell! Looking around the room, he confirmed that he was all alone. Only a couple more days until he was able to leave this wretched place, a couple more days until he could space himself from these ponies as far as humanly possible. He heard a pair of voices out in the hall and forced himself to remain still, feigning sleep. "Doctor, you're sure...?" said a brighter feminine voice. "Positive," replied a deeper, masculine voice. Probably the doctor. "Okay. Well, if he's not awake, I can leave..." said the female voice in a solemn tone. Why did the voice sound so familiar? "You're allowed to check, your highness," the doctor replied. "I just can't guarantee anything. All I'm saying that he's making a faster recovery than we thought he would." "That's really a relief," replied the feminine voice. They were now resonating from just outside the door to his ward. The door creaked open, and Toby chanced a peek. The doctor bowed at the doorway and left the room, allowing passage to a very purple princess. Of course... that's why he recognized the voice. Princess Twilight seemed to buy the fact that he was sleeping and crept up to his bedside, obviously taking care not to wake him. She looked down at him silently, breathing slowly. She let out a deep exhale, and raised a hoof tentatively. "Oh, Toby..." she muttered sadly, extending it to his arm in a sympathetic fashion. Upon her touch, he flinched, making her yelp and jump backward in alarm. Knowing his gig was up, Toby slowly sat up and acted as if he had just woke up from a deep sleep. He eyed the princess wearily. "Oh - I'm so sorry - I-I didn't mean to wake you up," Twilight murmured apologetically. "I just wanted to see how you were - you know... holding up..." She faltered off into an awkward silence. Toby studied her. "Why did you really come here?" he asked shrewdly, squinting slightly. Twilight took in a deep breath. "I - I wanted to say that I was sorry, sorry that I didn't help you - sorry that I didn't stop Rainbow Dash from -" She stopped immediately as soon as she a cold look harden on Toby's face. Noticing this, Toby exhaled tensely and waved a hand at her in a dismissive way. "No - it's fine, go on." "W-Well - I just came to let you know that if there's anything I can do for you..." Twilight continued somberly. Toby scrutinized her suspiciously for another moment, then shifted on his bed with a grunt. "I guess I do have a question or two that needs to be answered," Toby replied casually. Twilight suddenly smiled. "Really? I'd love to answer them!" Toby forced a small smile. "Am I going back to my cell when the doctor releases me?" Twilight gulped. "I - I don't know - the matter hasn't been given much thought since you tried to... anyway, I'm being crowned as Equestria's ultimate princess several days from now, so everypony's been busy..." Toby slumped back into the bed. "Why do you frickin' ponies insist on keeping me in there? That terrible, horrible, dark, cold, miserable dungeon? It makes no sense - you go to all that effort to try to make me eat, be happy, and be compliant - as if I hadn't already been before - and yet you still detain me like that?? You're all insane! Mad! Ridiculous - and I might go as far as to even say inhumane!!" "I-Inhumane?" Twilight asked weakly. "It means to treat others without compassion towards their misery or suffering," Toby deadpanned in reply. "In my case - both. Will I ever be released, or am I the new royal pet?" "That's a terrible thing to say," Twilight said quietly with watery eyes. "Do you even hear yourself?" "For your information, yes - yes I do. And I hate it, hate every minute of it. If you haven't noticed, I hate myself, princess. I have ever since that stinkin' war, and it's only gotten worse since. When I came here to your magical pony land, it got worse exponentially. So, please - just don't talk to me like that, as if I don't know. If anyone doesn't understand, it's you ponies." He covered his face with a pillow, trying to pretend not to notice the tears flooding down Twilight's face. "Toby... please - don't hate yourself, you have so much life ahead of you -" "Indeed?" Toby growled, slightly muffled by the pillow. "That is ultimately up to me, last time I checked." Twilight gritted her teeth and stomped her hoof in protest. "Toby, why are you acting as if we hate you!?" "Because you have yet to prove otherwise!!" Toby snapped loudly. Twilight flinched, her ears flattening against the back of her head. "Toby... please please please, let me help you. I care! I know humans aren't bad! Psychologically, they're nearly identical to ponies!!" Toby hesitated. This may have been true, she had claimed to know what humans are - which Toby soon believed, for she was the only pony who didn't seem weirded out by his appearance. "How could you care?" he finally said in a very quiet voice. "You don't even know me; everyone's different." "Which is why I want to know you - the real Toby - the good, the bad, the in-between!!" Twilight pressed, regaining her confident tone. The tears were still coming, but she didn't care. What mattered right then was that she saved Toby. "I - I..." Toby stammered, but fell silent. Why not give her a chance? He was sure she had buttered him up to get him to talk - but was that her true intention? It was a risk - and maybe he was being ridiculous by saying so - but he was sick of ponies. All the same - why not let her? It wasn't like it mattered - he was going back to that cell either way, no matter what he told them. "Fine," he muttered in a defeated, dead tone. Twilight gave him a watery smile and wiped her eyes. She then levitated a chair over to his bedside and walked over. Making eye contact with him, she asked, "You don't mind if I sit here, do you?" Toby shook his head, and she promptly took her seat. "Now," she said in a comforting tone, "What was your home like?" "Before or after the war?" Toby replied wearily. "Oh... sorry," Twilight apologized quickly. "Sensitive topic?" "No, it's fine," Toby grunted. "I guess I don't really mind telling you about it, if you want to hear it bad enough." Twilight nodded her head earnestly. "Well..." Toby sighed, chewing on a fingernail in thought. "Before the war, I couldn't of asked for a better life, really. I was top of my class, ready to pursue a career in the advanced sciences... my family was so proud of me. No siblings; just a mother and father... father was a righteous man. Anyone who he had pride in should consider themselves the luckiest beings on the planet. He was a very hard man - but loved me more than I could know - well, before the war, anyway..." Toby faltered off miserably. "And... your mother?" Twilight asked, gulping slightly. "She always placed her religion and her family first, as did my father, but she was a more gentle force in the family," Toby replied sadly. "She was probably the nicest lady in America - not exaggerating. She always told me that, no matter where my path take me, that I work hard to achieve. She was full of wisdom, mother was. Both of my parents loved me to the moon and back - they supported everything I did with more effort than most people see necessary." "What is a 'people'?" Twilight asked curiously. "It's like saying 'ponies' here in your world; it references humans," Toby replied, looking slightly taken aback at being interrupted for such a strange question. "Oh - okay... sorry, please continue," Twilight said, nodding. Toby sighed. "As I was saying, my parents were the most supportive when it came to my ambitions. I almost made it into a university by the name of Oxford, which is one of the most prestigious universities for science and discovery back where I come from - and then that military officer visited me..." "Did you have any friends back in your world?" Twilight asked. "I - yeah, I did," Toby replied dejectedly. "My best friend was trying to make it into Harvard - one of those famous universities like Oxford - but he got drafted into the war as well. There was also this - chick - her name was Marietta. Jeez, I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful pair of eyes in my life." "You were in love?" Twilight pressed lightly, a smile forming on her face. "Yeah," Toby replied bitterly, "Key word there being 'were'." "Oh dear," Twilight squeaked, dropping her smile in an instant. "I remember her making me promise that I would come back alive from the war," Toby reminisced with a painful look on his face. "I took that promise to heart. I did everything I could to survive, eventually making me - well, I get to that later," he added mysteriously. "So - wait - what happened?" Twilight asked quietly. "I said I'll get to that later," Toby said dismissively. "Before I left, Marietta was the one who kept a flame of saneness alight inside of me. I thought she was the one - I trusted her - but when I came home from the war, desperate to see her, I saw her making out with another man." Twilight put a hoof up to her mouth. "Toby, I - I'm so sorry you had to deal with that." Toby nodded slowly, staring at his bedsheets. "That isn't all that had changed about life during the war. My parents couldn't even see me as their own son after I left the war - and I don't blame them... I had no one to go to. Nothing to do. I simply just drove around the lake at the edge of my hometown, day after day, wondering what was so wrong with me that made everyone turn me away. Finally, I decided to end it - I threw myself off a tree - and then I somehow ended up in this place." "You - you've tried to kill yourself twice now!?" Twilight yelped, tearing up again. "Toby, how could you??" "Not worth it anymore, I guess," Toby replied in an oddly casual tone. "Just no point in living." "You just have to look for a reason!!" Twilight sobbed. "I know you have a purpose." Toby looked at the ground at the base of Twilight's chair. "I once thought that too - but I've given Him up. He has done nothing for me, especially in my time of need." Twilight gave him an inquisitive look. "What do you mean?" "I once believed in an all-powerful God - the one and only deity that created the Earth and everything in it," Toby replied, taking a deep breath. "A God that supposedly loves us beyond everything. Well, I've prayed - and prayed - but he hasn't done squat for me." "Is that the religion you mentioned earlier?" Twilight asked curiously. "It sounds like a hope-giving one." Toby chuckled darkly. "Heh. Yeah, it did at one point, didn't it? But He betrayed me in my moment of need." There was a very pregnant moment of tense silence between the two of them that seemed to go forever. "Toby...?" Twilight asked quietly. "What?" "Do you think you could tell me about - about your war?" The human sat up straight and faced the purple princes with an intense stare. Twilight did not waver, but she did inhale deeply as the two stared at one another. "You realize that the concept of it is something I can't see in a happy-go-lucky land of ponies?" Toby asked seriously. Twilight grimaced. "Was it that bad?" Toby sighed. "It's worse than anything you could possibly imagine. But I guess it wouldn't hurt my position to tell you - but I'll give you the short, simplified version." Twilight nodded. "It starts with governmental policy called Communism - which basically means everything is shared among the public. Resources everything. Good idea, but it doesn't work. So there's this country called the Soviet Union - they're communists. My country, America, was Capitalistic - basically the same type of economy a monarchy like this country would have. "Anyway, the Soviet Union wanted to spread its influence, so it began doing so through its neighboring countries. My government, being the idiots they are, didn't like this. So they sent in troops to a tropical country by the name of Vietnam to halt the progress of the Communist movement. Well, we were fighting on unfamiliar terrain, so that went about as well as one might expect. We were getting our asses handed to. America needed troops, so they began recruiting young, healthy men like myself - regardless of whether they wanted to fight or not. Young men like myself. "Nights in those in the rain forest were a new kind of hell. Black presses in on you from every side. Every little noise makes you jump. It's enough to make the sanest of men go crazy within a week - one of my fellow soldiers completely lost his mind and ran off into the forest. We never saw him again." "Sweet Celestia," Twilight murmured in a tiny, horrified voice. "Most of the things I can tell you are things you don't understand unless you experience them," Toby continued sadly. "The nights were only a fraction of the crap I had to deal with in 'Nam. Actual encounters with the enemy were actually few and far between, to be honest until I got relocated to a different troop. In my old troop, I had the privilege of getting to watch each and every one of my friends die." A tear fell down Twilight's face. "That's horrible." "You don't know the half of it," Toby replied thickly, starting to tear up himself. "My good pal Eric? He stepped on a land mine - an explosive device you place under the ground, activated when someone steps on it." "So - wait - you just step in a certain place - and just explode?" Twilight put in, disgusted. "Basically," Toby affirmed. "There was another guy - his name was Harry - he fell into a pit-trap full of punji sticks - basically wooden stakes fastened into the ground and coated in either feces or poison." Twilight shook her head vigorously to try to rid the image that had just been placed in her mind. "Then - when I was relocated to that other troop, the stars aligned and I was somehow with my best friend from school again Carter," Toby continued, and Twilight perked up. "Well, there's something that went well!" she said in a hopeful voice, but Toby shook his head sadly. She ears flattened as she asked, "No - he didn't die too, did he?" "He stepped into a booby trap that throws you into a tree," Toby rasped as the tears began to flow. "The tree was l-laced with sharp cords and - and we spent the rest of that day c-cleaning his g-guts from the lower canopy of the surrounding t-trees -" "STOP!!" Twilight sobbed, standing up. "Oh, Toby - I can't - I'm so sorry!!" These details were obviously way too much for her to mentally handle. She stood up on her hind legs and embraced Toby before he could react. Toby froze as the princess hugged him consolingly, but felt a bit strange at the fact that he had no desire to fight her off - it actually felt a little... comforting. Consoling. After a long moment, Twilight released him and replaced her chair. She fixed him with a sad smile. "Toby - please remember that I'm willing to talk - I just wasn't mentally prepared to hear such awful things..." She shuddered. "I - I can come again another time, if you like." Toby thought for a minute, his eyes tracing Twilight's genuine face for any trace of betrayal. When he was completely and utterly positive he saw no hint of it, he slowly nodded. "Awesome - I would be more than happy to," Twilight said brightly, levitating a handkerchief over and proceeding to wipe her nose with it. "In the meantime, if you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask." The princess made to leave, but as she did, a thought popped into Toby's mind. "Er - princess?" he asked. Twilight turned and gave him a polite look of curiousness, despite the fact that her eyes were red and puffy. "You can call me Twilight, Toby." "Er - okay," Toby replied, uncomfortably shifting on his bed. "Do - do you know why Princess Luna of all princesses wanted to see me earlier?" Twilight squinted at him. "How did you know that? She said you were asleep." "Oh - that," Toby replied, looking guilty. "Er - the nurse tipped me off, and -" "Were you sleeping on purpose?" Twilight asked shrewdly. "Er - um - maybe -" Twilight shook her head. "You need to give her a chance, Toby - she's been in a right state ever since you tried to - you know..." She faltered, looking at him meaningfully. "Kill myself?" Toby finished for her. "Yeah - that guard Clarity told me that suicide doesn't really exist among ponykind. Can you answer my question, though??" Twilight sighed. "If I knew the specifics, I would tell you. All I know is that she came here looking kind of desperate, then when she thought you were asleep, she left looking more miserable than I've ever seen her." "You're lying," Toby replied disbelievingly. "I'm not," Twilight deadpanned. "Luna, believe it or not, is an extremely caring pony. She's probably feeling beside herself with guilt right now, and needs to make it up to you." "What could I possibly want from her??" Toby snapped. "She was a jerk!!" "I know, but I've seen her talking with Celestia about it, and it's clear that she's only putting on a strong face around you!" Twilight replied indignantly. "She was - wh-what?" Toby stammered. "A strong face? Around me? Why the hell would she do that!?" Twilight shook her head sadly. "Toby, please - just give her a chance. You gave me one, after all..." "Well, you have been kind to me ever since you met me," Toby justified. "While that may be true, I promise that Princess Luna has never hated you," Twilight said quietly. "Toby - please." Toby groaned and sat back. "Fine," he said in a defeated tone. "I guess that's only a problem if she comes down here, anyway. Or to my cell, when I go back." "For this place, that could be arranged," Twilight said slyly. "As for your cell? I swear as soon as I'm princess, I'm getting you out. Somepony who had to go through anything like you did doesn't deserve to be kept in prison like this." Toby froze. "You - you're serious?" Twilight nodded, then flapped over to his bedside again. She held out her hooves, offering a hug. "You kidding? You promised that you're going to give me freedom - that's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time," Toby said, the corner of his mouth twitching. "Of course you can have a hug." Twilight let out a small squee and embraced him. After a moment, she released him and made for the door. As she reached it, she turned and looked at Toby. "Do you - do you mind if I tell Princess Celestia?" she asked hesitantly. "About - about... you know... the things you've been through." Toby sighed. "Fine, just don't let this blow up into a big deal." Twilight gave him an indignant look. "So you're just going to bottle this up??" "You heard me - I don't want anyone to trouble themselves over me," Toby replied. "If you can't agree to that, I swear, you better not tell anyone." Twilight groaned. "You know I can't do that, Toby - it's for your own good." "Then everyone will try and baby me!!" Toby snapped. "No - nothing doing, Twilight." "Toby..." "I said no." "Well, then," Twilight said smugly, straightening up a bit. "I didn't want to use this card, but... as a princess, I'll do what I please." "That's evil!!" Toby cried as Twilight opened the door to leave. "Don't do this -" Twilight gave him a super concerned look. "Toby - this is for your own good. You claimed that we princesses don't care? I'll prove to you that you're wrong." "But - hey!!" Toby protested, but Twilight had already left. He flopped back down onto his pillow, morosely trying to process everything that had just happened. He was so sure that everyone here hated him, especially Princess Luna - but after that discussion with Twilight, he was now more confused than ever.