//------------------------------// // Chapter 8 // Story: The Things He Carried // by Makerofthebuttswagger //------------------------------// Clarity had her own insecurities. It was only normal. Despite the fact that she didn't care what she looked like, she was a very pretty figure on the royal guard, with a burnt orange coat and a violet and pink mane. Her irises were a deep, attractive green. Somehow all the colors came together to make what some stallions considered to be a masterpiece of a mare. So when she was called ugly, it didn't bother her. But when she couldn't do the one thing her job required? Clarity paced the hallway just outside the medical wing nervously, occasionally casting extremely anxious glances at the door. Why hadn't she thought to give him some mental support after that terrible interrogation with Rainbow Dash? She was so stupid! She was supposed to take care of him... Truth be told, she scarcely grew attached to the prisoners being held in the castle dungeons - mostly because they were the last creatures you'd ever like - the kind that held hostages, pulled off large heists, or harmed another creature sexually... occasionally there would be a psychotic murderer, but those were rare in Equestria. Toby, however - he just wasn't the type of guy that occupies a dungeon cell. From the moment she first saw him, she knew something got mixed up. Sure, she had never seen a human before, but he seemed far from dangerous. Of course, she still had to be careful. Toby was a creature she had never seen before, and it was common for ponies to make the wrong call - actually, it happened a little too frequently. One of Clarity's life goals was to be open minded, and lo and behold, she was a happier pony by nature. Not perfect - just happy. She paused and looked at the door to the operations room where Toby was currently being held, becoming one with the heart monitors and IV bags... she felt a sharp, twisting sensation in her chest. Suicide was unheard of in this world - she had never even imagined it possible that something would actually want to take their own life! It was insane - life had so much to offer... nopony had ever been that crazy. I wonder what amount of pain could make someone want to do such a thing... Clarity thought to herself, gazing absentmindedly at the door. The sound of hooves behind her gave her a start, and she turned to see Fluttershy standing there. "Oh - sorry," Fluttershy said, instantly taking notice of Clarity. "I-I hope I'm not bothering you..." Clarity sighed. "No... you aren't bothering anypony. What brings you here?" Fluttershy looked at the door to the operation room sadly, and Clarity squeaked, "Oh. I see." "Are we allowed to see him?" the timid pegasus asked. Clarity shook her head dismally. "They aren't letting anypony in there... it makes me worried that he - you know..." The conversation fell into silence, broken only by the occasional shifting noises of nurses bustling past them. What if he had succeeded, and Clarity was just standing here for no reason? Did he even care to think that there were ponies here who truly cared about his well-being, regardless of the fact they barely knew him? Ponies could be very stubborn and xenophobic, but they were a compassionate race all the same. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, anyway. "Why did he do it?" Fluttershy asked in a thick voice. "Did he not like us?" Clarity inwardly smiled at the childishness of the question. "I think it was a long time coming - there's something about the way he carried himself that gave it away - I just didn't think he would do - you know - this." She gestured sadly towards the door. "There's a bigger mystery here, Ms. Fluttershy - if we knew what was the real deal with him, we could help him..." "I know some things," Fluttershy said very quietly. "A-About his past." Clarity looked at the mare incredulously. "I know you had an interrogation with him, but how!? He's more stubborn than a dragon when it comes to opening up!" "I looked into his eyes," Fluttershy muttered uselessly. "Into his eyes," Clarity repeated in a disbelieving tone. "Right - what does that mean?" "If I try hard enough - I - I can see reflections of the past in somepony's eyes," she explained. "I s-saw some - things..." "Would - would you mind telling me?" Clarity asked, but to her surprise, Fluttershy shook her head. "I can't," she replied sadly. "I haven't even told the princesses everything I saw that day... it was too terrible, and I didn't think Toby would want me to share that information anyway..." Clarity nodded, wisely choosing not to pursue the subject. Instead she contented herself on staring wistfully at the door to the operation room. "I'm - I'm going to leave," Fluttershy said weakly. As the pegasus turned to leave, the operation room door opened. Her head whipped around in time to see the doctor emerge. "Well, he's going to be out for a bit, but we've managed to stabilize him," the doctor said coolly. Clarity collapsed onto her haunches, taking in deep, shaky breaths of relief. Fluttershy began to cry. "Will he be okay?" Clarity asked in a thick voice. The doctor peered at his clipboard. "He's showing great signs of recovering ability, so... we'll see. In the meantime, he is in a coma due to oxygen deprivation. It was a miracle you showed up, Clarity... had you arrived thirty seconds later..." A very uncomfortable silence followed this statement. "Well... he's not dead - so there's nothing to worry about..." muttered Clarity. "Can we go see him?" asked Fluttershy. The doctor stared at her, then sighed and shook his head. "I don't know why you would even bother - it's really uneventful in there right now. Nothing interesting." "Please," pressed Clarity. "Do you even know what happened??" The doctor held up a hoof and gave the guard a cold look. "It is in my understanding that Mr. O'Leary attempted to take his own life." "You should be scared then, too!!" Clarity hollered, causing the passerby to halt their activities and stare. "Nopony's ever tried to kill themselves in Equestria before - and you just stand there, without a care in the world -" "Clarity, is it?" the doctor asked, going slightly red around the ears. "Do you know the things you have to be able to deal with in order to become a doctor? I've seen worse physical injuries - including replacing organs that have been ruptured. I'm no stranger to patients who are on the verge of death, Ms. Clarity, and I have to be able to remain calm while operating! So excuse me if I don't follow your - ah - emotional standards." Clarity closed her eyes and huffed. "I - I - sorry. I just -" "- Didn't think to look at the big picture?" the doctor finished coolly. "I know. Everypony does that at some point, Ms. Clarity, and what you're going through emotionally..." He nodded in the direction of Toby's operation room. "... It's understandable to become irrational with your emotions. I suggest you think about that, regardless of whether or not you outrank me in the castle heirarchy. Nurse Bluecross will be here shortly to supervise Mr. O'Leary's room - wait for her until she arrives to see him. Good day." The doctor bustled off to the waiting room, leaving Fluttershy and Clarity in silence. Pain. Pain, pain, pain, pain, pain. Toby's whole world was just pain. When he first opened his eyes to a fierce light, he thought, Did it work? Did I actually...? Then a soft beeping noise made him hesitate. Everything around him drew into more focus, and he could make out a bright lamp of some sort above him. He looked to his right and saw a large heart monitor. His heart plummeted. He looked to his left and saw an IV bag, which could mean only one thing - he hadn't succeeded. His heart decided to take the emotional elevator down another hundred levels. Now he would have to remain here, in this stupid, forsaken pony world, suffering from the naive happy-go-luckiness the land possessed. No doubt the princesses would start kissing his butt - they had tried to get him to eat, after all, with the improved quality of food they gradually sent him during his stay in the dungeons. Speaking of food... his stomach didn't feel quite empty anymore - which means that they tube-fed him or something while he was out. He groaned, then inhaled sharply at the sharp pain it took to use his throat. "Ohmygosh - Toby!" said a hushed voice from the other side of the room. The sound of hooves slowly approached to his left, and the blurry form of Clarity entered his vision. "Whaddyoowant?" he growled, wincing. Clarity froze. "H-How - h-how are you feeling...?" she asked in a shaky voice. Toby scowled. "Nevverrbeen better. Absolootely ecstaticc..." Clarity shot a frightened glance at someone who Toby couldn't see. A warm voice replied, "It's alright, lieutenant - he's just loopy from medication." Clarity nodded tensely and looked back at Toby. Her eyes were incredibly red and puffy, and her lips were quivering ever so slightly. Toby pretended not to notice this and stared straight up at the ceiling, trying not to acknowledge her. After a moment, however, his attention was forced back to her as she spoke. "Why?" she asked in the smallest of voices. "Wh-Why would you do that?" "It's a secret," Toby replied, chuckling darkly as he did. The chuckles quickly turned into a minor coughing fit, but he recovered. He was not going to confide in these stupid ponies anymore; he was a bit gullible by nature, and had always been, but enough was enough. "Toby..." Clarity said, hesitating. She then stepped closer to the bed and lifted a hoof to place on Toby's shoulder. "Don't," Toby said grumpily, and Clarity quickly brought her hoof back. "Please." "Toby, don't take this out on me!!" Clarity cried, tearing up. A couple slid down her face, but she didn't seem to care. "I've done my best to take care of you, regardless of my guard responsibilities, and this is how you decide to treat me!?" "Don't pull that on me," Toby growled, fighting to sit up. The nurse looked over and yelped. "Lay down, Mr. O'Leary, for Celestia's sake!!" she cried, rushing over and gently pushing him back down. Toby growled, but did as he was told. He faced Clarity, looking nearly livid. "You buttered me up - gave me a sense of security - then betrayed me by taking me to that questioning session -" "I VOUCHED for you!!" Clarity snapped. "After watching that homosexual pegasus torture me for a bit," Toby added nastily. "And now you come back and claim that you're sorry - of course, I had to try to kill myself to make a point -" "Didn't you stop to think what kind of damage you would cause??" Clarity sobbed, tearing up again. "Of course," Toby replied indifferently, looking back up at the ceiling. "I had all that time in my cell to reflect. To reflect upon my life and how I was viewed here. No one would miss me - especially not the princesses. They would just feel extremely guilty if it became public that they had let an ape monster kill himself under their 'supervision'." Clarity didn't know what to say to this - she merely just shook her head, staring at Toby in a horrified trance. Finally, after a long, tense silence, she spoke. "You - y-you are so unbelievably wrong, Toby. The princesses were a mess when they discovered - you know..." "Yeah, alright," Toby said in a disbelieving tone. "If you don't believe me, I'll tell you what happened when they found out," Clarity offered with an air of desperation. Toby turned himself slightly to look at her. She wasn't joking. He hesitated. He had chanced trusting ponies before - would he truly give it one more shot before he closed the door on them completely? "Okay," he agreed curtly, shifting back to stare at the ceiling. "Spill." Clarity took a deep breath. "It all started when I found you in your cell..." "Lulu, it will be all right," Celestia said soothingly to her sister as the the mane six left the throne room, just after Clarity had gone to get ice for Toby's head. "I'm sure Toby will be okay - we may just need to redouble our efforts." Luna sat down on her haunches dejectedly. "Having a savage attitude was not a good idea, sister - I fear I may not have helped." "Well - not to be stubborn or anything, Luna, but it's good to finally hear you recognize that," Celestia said solemnly. "It's a step in the right direction for the both of us. We may be retiring in a week, but that doesn't mean that we can let things slide before then." "Indeed, sister," Luna agreed. "In the meantime, what will be done about Toby??" "Well..." Celestia replied. "The only thing we gathered from Rainbow Dash's interrogation was the possibility that Toby may be using a silent treatment as well as a downtrodden demeanor as a ruse to hide his true intents. To officially release him, we need solid proof of who he is like - for instance how he behaves when nopony's looking." Luna sighed. "I feel that it would just be better to release him," she said quietly. Celestia nodded. "I have a gut feeling that we should as well, but..." She trailed off. "You know we can't guarantee anything based off of gut feelings." "But what if he is safe, Tia??" Luna objected. "All the signs have pointed towards it - and now you are the skeptical one, whereas I now see that we have made a mistake! This could seriously hurt -" She was cut off when the throne room doors burst open, admitting a very panicked and horrified Clarity. "PRINCESSES!!" she screamed, forgetting her professionalism. "What on Equestria would make you act like this?" Celestia asked calmly, addressing her guard with curiosity. "I - I'm sorry..." Clarity squeaked, and stood up straight. Both of the sister could see, however, that it was taking Clarity every ounce of sanity and mental energy she possessed to remain like this. "Never mind that, now - you can relax," Luna said quickly. Clarity immediately gritted her teeth and stared straight at the ground. The two hearts of the princesses sank when they saw tears run down her cheeks, dripping onto the floor. "Oh dear... Clarity, what is the matter?" Celestia asked soothingly. "Is it about your job? I for one thought you enjoyed it immensely." "No - princess - it's not me," Clarity sobbed. "It's - it's - T-Toby -" Luna and Celestia exchanged a look of dread, then returned their attention to the distressed guard. Celestia then said in an urgent tone, "Clarity - what's wrong with Toby??" "He - he tried -" she sobbed, struggling for words. "He tried to - to die!!" "To WHAT!?" both of the princesses yelped. "What do you mean, 'he tried to die'??" Luna asked in a slightly shaky tone. "He - he tied his bed sheet into some sort of knot, and - and tied it around h-his n-neck - and then t-tried to st-strangle himself!!" Clarity cried, looking almost beside herself. "H-He's in the in-infirmary wing..." Luna gulped. "He killed himself?" she asked in the smallest of voices. "I - I don't know, y-your highness!" Clarity replied, choking slightly. Celestia brought Clarity into a hug with a wing, and held her there. Clarity was extremely receptive to this, and buried her head into the solar princess's shoulder and poured out her grief. Celestia herself began to tear up. Never, in a thousand years... "I'm - I'm going to go see him," Luna choked, and departed the room at high speed. Celestia continued to hug Clarity until she began to quiet down. Tears of her own had fallen into Clarity's mane, making it slightly damp. "You have done well, Clarity. No one should have to experience what you have gone through," Celestia said consolingly. Clarity picked herself up and managed a watery smile. She then departed the room, leaving Celestia in silence. She thought for a moment, than made for the door slowly. "I think I'll go join my sister..." she said softly to herself. Clarity finished her recollections in heavy tears. The nurse had left the room to briefly grab some supplies, leaving just the two of them behind. Toby took a moment to process the story. It was clear that the guard wasn't lying, but on the other hand, he wanted to be left alone. "Well... so there have been some sad moments since I was put here. Cool - but then, suddenly, you all realize that life continues on without me," Toby replied stubbornly. "Shocker." Clarity whopped him on the shoulder, giving him a painful start. "Don't mock me, Toby!! You've scared the sweet bucking Tartarus out of everypony!!" "A likely story," Toby growled, scooting to the other side of the bed. "Oh yeah?" Clarity said angrily, beginning to tear up. "Do you seriously want me to give you a rundown of the past three days you've been here?" "No, not really," Toby deadpanned. Clarity ignored him. "Princess Celestia has been unable to go a whole day with her royal duties without taking space at least seven times. Princess Twilight has been an absolute wreck, and I won't even tell about Fluttershy. "Rainbow Dash has been doing chores - chores - to try and make herself feel better, but anypony can tell it's not working. Princess Twilight's other friends - Applejack and Pinkie Pie - well, I don't know much about them, but I can tell you that Pinkie Pie won't be throwing any parties anytime soon, and that's basically all she does." Toby raised an eyebrow. "Sounds like someone's been paying attention. What about Moonbutt?" "That's Princess Luna to you," Clarity snapped, "And she hasn't been seen since the day you tried to strangle yourself." Her voice hitched on the word strangle. Toby sat up a bit. Now, that was interesting - no one just hides themselves away for no reason - and it was clear that Moonbutt hated him. Right? "Toby - listen, we want to help you," Clarity said quietly, knocking him bluntly out of his thoughts. "Also, you shouldn't be sitting up, remember...?" She moved forward and raised her hooves to help him, but he swatted them away. "Don't - touch me," he said, looking down at the hand he had used to repel her. "I - I just need to be alone. Stay away from me." Clarity bit her lip and looked at the ground. "O-Okay... just so you know, Princess Celestia is coming to see you later... just thought y-you'd like the heads up..." She moved to the door and opened it. Before she left, she hesitated, then turned back to face Toby. "Please... just know that you are valuable... 'bye..." She left, looking dejected. Seconds after she left, Nurse Blueheart trotted in. "Oh, did Ms. Clarity leave so soon? Usually she sits in that chair for hours," she said, gesturing over to a cushioned chair next to the door. Toby grunted, feeling a small balloon of guilt swell up in his chest.