Dear Princess Sunsei,
Today I learned that when someone says they’ll be too busy to attend your thing, they usually mean “fuck that, I don’t want to go, you're dumb, go eat poo.” Using this knowledge, I now realize that you shouldn't ask to see their schedule so you can help them make room for your thing, as this will only lead to more awkwardness. They will either have to tell the truth about how they feel (an impossible feat), or have to endure the thing they didn’t want to attend in the first place. Letting people have their harmless lies, even if the truth is obvious, is often better than confronting them.
I briefly considered having a heartfelt discussion with my friends about how they shouldn’t worry about sparing my feelings—I need to be spoonfeed social cues, anyway—but then I realized something: That would be a reasonable thing to do. I can’t have my position as Equestria’s number one tardnugget compromised like that. Instead, I’m going to incorporate an increasing number of lies into my own interactions because all the cool kids are doing it.
Your little purple lie,
Eggplant