//------------------------------//
// The Rise and Fall of Detective jakkid166 and the Ponies from Equestria 
// Story: The Fall of Detective jakkid166 
// by jakkid166 
//------------------------------//

I and Dick Americo detectived into the everfree Forest to serch for the secrert Arms Dealer who could tell us the name of the person who bought the Cuisinart brand rockit launcher and killed Brad Joke to cover for who killed Celestia. I cold tell that shit was getting real, because I could smell it.

"Dammit" said me. "I stepped in the shit that got real."

"We dont have time to give a fuck about that jakkid" said Dick. "Us detective must preverse through all hardshits."

"That is true," said me.

we got were walking through the forest, and eventually, we got to the a tree house. "Wait a mimute," said Dick America. "This is Zecoras house! She is potion seller, not arms dealer!"

"Everone has a secret double life where they sell ilegal weapons, Dick America," said me.

"Oh yeah youre right."

So I knock on the door and Zecora opened it and said "Oh hello Detective jakkid166. When you brush your teeth do you always spits?"

"Zecora we need business with you," said me. "Me and Dick must ask you special police questions, and if you fail the test you go to jail."

"Oh no, prison? That is bad," said Zecora. "I was just watching Frozen which has Josh Gad."

So I kicked the door open and sat down on her toilet and said "Okay Zecora, I has been investigating you for YEARS. I know you secretly ben selling ilegal firearms!"

"No, I am Zecora and I do not sell firearms," said Zecora. "And if you stab a car wheel that is called tire harms."

"Come on Zecora you beter tell us," said Dick. "We detecives are very hard, and we will not back down from you lies!"

"I think you both should leave," said Zecora. "If you need info then go on AskJeeve."

"You leeve me no choice" said me and I went over to zecoras wall. She had a poster for the band DEVO on it, but I took down the poster and behind it was the SECRET WEAPON STASH!

"Aw fuck!" said Zecora "You suck"

"Yeah"

"Fine I admit it, I sell firearms" said Decora. "I also sell human arms and pony arms and chicken parms."

"Watch you mouth you stupidiot!" said me. "Litsen here. Even thouh you are selling ilegal weapons, we will look over it for now if you tel us who bought this one thing. Deal or No Deal?"

"Deal," said Zecora. "Navy seal"

So I pulld this rocket launcher out of my pocket and said "Alright Zecora, this is the Cuisinart brand Rock Launcher that was use to kill Brad Joke the worst comedian in the world. You sold it right?"

"Yes I sold this bazooka," said Zecora. "When the guy saw it he said "gadzooka"."

I ate some cocaine and SLAM my hands on the ground and said "WHO SBOUGHT IT?"

"I Canot tell you," said Zecora, "If I do I might die too!"

I had enough of Zecoras bull shit. I pulld out the rocket launcher and pointed it at her and said "You beter tell me now bitch!"

"WOAH jakkid what in fuck ar you doing?!" said Dick.

"I am integgorating the suspect idiot," said me. "I am acting normal!"

"Jakkid the cocaine is making you crazy!" said Dick. "You gotta calm down!"

"Okay fine" said me and I droped the rocket launcher on the gournd and it FIRED and the rocket went out and bounce off Zecoras face and went into the roof and BLEW up the roof and a bunch of roof piececies fell down on us!

"SHIT!" said Dick America and he pull out his detective umbrella and he was safe and Zecora did too but I did not have an umbrella because I forgot mine at home, so a bunch of stuff fell on me and I got buried.

"OH NO JAKKID!" said Dick and he grabed one of Zecoras voodoo sporks and use it to dig me out of the ruble. "Are you ok Detective jakkid166 the greatest detective in the world?"

I cough and said "Yeah im fine." and I stood up but then my leg fell off so I realize something is probarbly wrong. I look at my leg and saw, oh NO, my leg was broke! "AAAAAAAGH" I screamd. "MY LEG"

"Ho shit!" said Dick. "Thats bad! Jakkid you idiot you cant keep eating cocaine! Thats it, I am taking it away!"

"NOOOOO" I said but Dick grabed the cocaine out of my suit and throw it in the trash where i cant get it. "You addiction gone too far, this is for your own good jakkid!"

"Fuck" said me. I poke my leg but it was all wobbeley and bendy and gross and I couldnt move it because it was broken. "Whatdo we do now?!"

"Zecora do you have leg healing potion?!" said Dick.

"Yes I do, I do not like seeing the broken leg because it is gory," said Zebra. "But it take a while to heal, it probably wil not heal until the end of the story."

"Thats fine" said Dick and he grabed the potion and drank it and my leg started healing a little. "There jakkid are you feealing better?"

"A little bit," said me. "I will have to walk with a cane now though" so I grabbed one of Zecoras voodoo canes off the wall and used it to walk. "Anyway who bought the rocket launcher"

"Okay," said Zecora. "I will confess to the fuzz. The person who bought it was..."

we all wait dramatically in silence, but I was also shout in pain the whole time because my leg hurt a lot.

"The person who bought it was not Daniel Tosh, the person who bought it was Big Macitosh."

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" shouted me and Dick and Zecora. I was so shocked I did a backflip but my leg still hurt so I messed it up and went flying out the window so I had to walk aroun the hous and go back in through the front door. "How is that posible?!" said me.

"It is true" said Zecora and she give me the receipt for it.

Dick look at the receipt and said "Wow this is real deal steel wheel. But are we sure he is killer? How do we know?"

but I stand there not saying anything. I was so shcocked at all the reealizations and stuff going on my head that I didnt even say anything. "Holy SHIT!" I said. "It ALL MAKE SENSE NOW!"

"WHAT?" said Dick. "Jakkid did you solve the case!"

"YES!" said me. "Detecive jakkid166 has solved the case AGAIN! And here is what the fuck happeened! I had my suspicons from the very first moment we came out of the Cocaine Dogs hide out. The boss of the Cocaine Dogs said he is glas Celestia is dead, and also he is red and has a horn. This mean it must be a red unicorn, which wold have to be Big Macintosh!"

"That make sense!" said Dick.

"But not only that! Big Macintosh is souther, from Kentucky or some other state that makes fried chicken. This mean he is probably a christian, which explain why there was a bible at the scene of Brad Joke's death!"

"Wow jakkid you power of deduction is incredibible!" said Dick America the second greatest detective in the world.

"But that is not all..." said me and I pulld out the Sword of Demon Ass Kicking. "You see the name on this sword right?"

"Gilliam Bickers?" said Dick.

"Yes," said me. "Butif you unscramble the letters in Gilliam Bickers, what does it sayy?"

Dick America thinked about it for a second but then he come to Ultimate Realization. "No... way! it says BIG MAC IS KILLER!"

"YES!" said me and I kiss Dick America on the cheek (that is not weird because he is only adopted cousin.) "So here is what happend. Big Macintosh was actualy using his Apple farming busines as a cover for his secret business running the Diamond Dogs, which was ALSO a cover for him running his secret Cocaine Dogs operation! But Celstia recently raise taxes on cocaine by 0.000001 percent, which mus have angered Big Mac because he would be slightly less rich now! So he killed Celestia and tries to blame it on me!"

"Wow!" said Dick America. "We gotte go arrest Dick America once and for all!"

"Wait take this," said Zecora and she took onea her Voodoo Crosses off the wall. "Now go away I have to piss."

"Thanks" said Dick and we ran out of Zecora house, but dick was faster cause my leg was still broken so Dick made a wheelchair out of some spare water he found and pushed me into Ponyville town over to Everfree Acres. Or whatever Applejacks farm is called. Sugarcube Acres

~ MEANWHILE, IN THE BARN OF APPLEJACKS BARN ~

Big Macintosh was sitting at his own desk table inside the Barn of applejack. He was counting his big apple money and probably also cocaine money. "Yup," said Big Mac like he always says. Idiot

Just then Big Mac hear a knock on the door. But he can only say "Yup" or "Nope" so he didnt know how to answer so he didnt say anything. so i KICKED the door down and me and Dick got in the room and pointed our guns at big mac!

"Alright Macintosh you overprice computer!" said me. "You ar under arrest for the murder of Princess Celestia, becaus you are red and a unicorn!"

"AW HELL NOPE" said Big Macintosh and he JUMP out of his chair and used his unicorn magic to fire SPELLS at us!

"FUCK!" said me and I use my gun to shoot the magic out of the air and I dove behind a hay. "Dick America, this the final battel! We must arrest Big Macintosh and clear our names!"

"Right" said Dick and we both set our guns to Taser and we JUMPED out of the hay and FIRED taser bullets at Big Mac, but he said "nope" at the bullets and that made them not hit him.

"Damn," said Dick. "He is too good. What do we do?"

"We must try," said me. "Like I always say, it do not matter if you fail as long as you tried a little."

so I jumpe into Dick Americas hands and he FLIPPED me into the air and I did like 3 backflips in th air and fired my bullets at Big Mac. But Big Mac used a spell to make the bullets go somewhere else so they hit someone other than him.

"Goddammit!" I said "Stop using magic thats cheating!" but I was distarcted and I landed on my head and my head got stuck in th ground and I was temporarily inpacaciate. It was just Big Mac and Dick America. Big Mac charge up his horn and Dick charge up his gun, and they both FIRED at the same time and the ENTIRE BARN exploded.

everone was stunned. I got my head outta the ground and said "God dammit Big Mac you stupid hamburger! Arrest yourself NOW!"

"Nope," said Big Mac.

"Wait!" siad Dick. "Look, in the distance!"

it was hard to see through the fog but I cold tell who it was. Running up to the scene of the fight was TWILIGHT and her frends!

"What do we do nw?!" said Dick America.

"We know who killer is," said me. "We must simply prove it to them, by saying he is the killer."

so Twilight ran up and said "Fuck you jakkid166 you are not supposed to blow up Applejacks barn!"

"Who cares" said me. "That is not importat right now! The important thing is i have FOUND CELESTIAS TRUE KILLER!"

"What?" said Twilight. "But YOU are the true killer. I know that is true because Celestia said so"

"No," said me. "It is false, and I have proof that actually, BIG MACINTOSH is the true killer!"

"NOPE NOPE NOPE" said Big Mac because he was lying

"What the fuck in tarnation?" said Appeljack. "How could my dad be the killere?!"

"Simple elementary school," said me.

and i gave them all the explanation I did earlier. "And it all make sense," I said, "Because Big Mac is a christian." and I did my special detective bow that I only do when I solved the case. "You can all clap now"

so all the ponies clapped. but then Applejack said "But Detective jakkid166, my cousin Big Macintosh is actually a buddhist!"

"What" said me. "no... No, it canot be true!" I grabed my head with my hands. "NOOOOOO! MY THEORY! HOW COLD THIS BE?!"

"I knew it," said Twilight. "YOU ARE the true killor!" and she got out her magic handcuffs.

"NO!" said Dick. "Jakkid is right! I think! Maybe not right about Big Mac but he is right about him not being the killer and maybe some other things he said. The Cocaine Dogs thing is true, they realy do make cocaine."

"But we have no othere suspects," said me. "Who else cold possibly be the killer?!"

"It could be you," said Twilight.

"NO!" said me. "It is not, Twilight. I wil bet you 50 bucks I did not kill Celestia!"

but then we saw explosion sounds. "What is that sound" said me and I look in the distance. We all look and ponyville was smoking, and BOOM sounds were happening really bad!

"Shit, darling" said Rarity. "The hell is going on?"

"Wait!" said Rainbow Dash. "There is portals opening! And ther ar DEMONS coming out of them!"

"Demons?" said me. and I think back to what happened on the pirate ship... "Wait a minit... Oh NO!"

"What is it jakkkid" said Dick America.

"We was wrong... All along... Big Mac really was not the killer. It was instead, someone else who was red with horns... How did I wasn't thought've about it before?!"

"jakkid166!" said twilight. "Who is the true killer?!"

I was gonna say it but we heard anotha sound behind us. We turned around and we saw a GIGANTIC portal open and rose out of th ground was a big elevator, and the elevator doors opened and there was a guy standin there. The guy was red, and he had horns....

"You bastart," said me... "I should hav known you was behind this... SATAN!"

"HAHHAHAAAAAA!" SCREAMLAUGHED satan as he step out of the elevator to me. "Whats up Detective jakkid166? How shit is your day going? I hope its a lot"

"Fuck you," I said. "Did you kell Celestia you horny idiot?!"

"Sort of yeah"

"I KNEW IT!" I said at Twilight. "You owe me 50 bucks now!"

"Wait," said Twilight. "But how ded the security footage show jakkid killing Celestia?!"

"Adobe After Effects" said me.

"Wrong" said Satan. "I used my SATAN MIND CONTROL to control jakkid to make him kill Celestia! so it still technicaly counts as him killing her."

"HA!" said Twilight. "I was RIGHT!"

"God damn it fine" I said and I got my wallert and gave Twilight 50 bucks. "Anyway Satan go back to hell or else I will call Jesus on you."

"Jesus cant help you now," said Satan and he made a evil throne of fire and sit in it. "You see, I hav wanted to take over Equestria for so long, but i cold not because if I tried to then Detective jakkid166 wold probably solve the case and beat me. So instead, I made a plan wher i cold get Detective jakkid FRAMED for MURDER, and then he and everyone else is too busey trying to catch him, and meanwhyle i can build my army and INVADE EQUESTIRA! And you ar all TOO LATE NOW, because we have INVADED ARMY and you CANNOT BEAT US ALL! HAHAHAHAHAHA"

"I canot believe this..." said me. "It all make sense now... the bible Brad Joke used was to ward away demons, and then there was demon on Captain Assbeards ship! How ded I not see it?!" but I step forward. "I canot believe this... Satan, you have outsmart all of us! You idiot!"

"Dont call me names" said Satan. "Thats mean"

"No," said me "You are an idiot and a jerk."

"Yeah well you suck" said Satan.

"No fuck you"

"No you"

"Eat My ass."

"Go suck toes"

"Go eate shit!"

"Suck a dong"

"Go commit Fuck Off"

"Put you face in the toilet."

"Do your taxes"

"Swing your arm from side to side"

"Come on its time to go, do the mario"

"GUYS SHUT UP!" said twilight. "What ar we gonna do now?!"

"There is only one thing you can do, which is nothing" said Satan. "But anyway now you mus watch as Equestira is taken over by the forces of HELL!" and satan laughed (or maybe cried i couldent tell) and then disapeared.

"Shit" said Fluttershy. "The hell do we do now?!"

"This is bad," said Dick America. "But we is detective! We can solve a solutione."

but then something happen. I feel a bad feeling in my tummy, and I colapse on the ground, barley conshious... "EUUUGHEUH" I said.

"Shit!" said Twilight "What happen to jakkid!"

"Aw hell," said Dick. "This is bad. Jakkid is suffer from cocaine withdrawl. I never shoulda let him get addict... It is all my fault, not his"

"Its not the side effects of the cocaine" said me to Twilight. "Im thinkin that it must be love..."

"Wow he is very fucked up," said Twilight "We gotte get him somewhere safe quick, befor demons invade more!"

"Wait!" said Applejack. "Look, there is demons coming!"

"We gotta GO NOW!" said Dick America and they grabed me and ran. They ran to Applejacks house and into her baseament and shut the lock.

Applejack turn on the lights and said "Goddammit! I shit evrything! Everything is fuck! What we do?!"

"We are in bad place," said Twilight. "Never before has Equestria been so threat. We are very fucked I think. How can we beat demons?! And Satan is invincible, because he is satan! And now jakkid is drug overdosed and has a broke leg! What do we DO?!"

"Man this is bad" said Dick. "How ar we gonna have a happy ending NOW?!"

"This is the end for Equestira," said Pinkie Pie because she is a pessimist

"All hope is lots..." said Rarty.

"No..." said Twilight.

"What" said Dick.

"NO!" said Twilighte. "We CANOT give up! Remeber, we are PONIES except for jakkid and Dick America! We have solve all problems before, even when the show ended! We can fix THIS too!"

"But HOW?" said DIck.

"Look aroud for anything we can use!" said Twilight. "We ned to try all of everything we can!"

"Wait Twilight," said Applejack. "Here is this bible I have in my basemant that never got used because my brother Big Mac is buddhist."

"Perfect!" said Twilight "We wil read the bible for advice." so she turned the pages and everone crowd around her and read too.

"Wait," said Rainbo Wdash "Look at that verse! Jakkid 16:10: "If Satan invade your world like in Dark Souls 3, then you gotte gather the 3 ancient holy artefacts to beat him."

"The holy artefacts?!" said Twilight. "Fuck that shit! We dont have those!"

"Wait..." said Dick. "Read the more verse."

"Ok," said Rainbow. "The holy artifacts  wil bestow godly power upon the person that wil make them invincible and able to beat demons like Satan and Matt Demon. They are the bible, a cross, and the Holy Sword of Demon Ass Kicking."

"Wait..." said Dick. "WE HAVE THOSE!"

"WE DO?!" said Fluttershy. "Fuk yeah!"

Dick grabed the artifacts out of mine pockets while I was tryin to sleep. "We hav the bible from Brad Jokes dead corpse, the sword from Captain Assbeard, and the cross from Zecora! We can BEAT SATAN!"

"But who will weld the artifacts?" said Twilight.

"It is a hard choice but it must be Detective jakkid. We must heal him or he will die of cocaine"

"Oh right."

so they put all the artifacts on me. "Ok," said Twilight, "Now everyone RECITE THE CHANT PRAYER THING"

and everyone shouted the chant prayer thing, which was "We bestow on you the ancent artifacts. With this power you wil be able to kick Satan's ass"

and there was a glow. the artifacts glowed and then i glowed and then the light bulb glowed (but that part was normal) and i ROSE into the air and EXPLODED into light and went down to the ground. my Suit was now white and I was holdin the sword of Demon Ass Kicking and also I wasnt dead or anything.

"Jakkid youre okay!" said Dick.

"Hell yea I am," said me. "It is time to KICK DEMON ASS!" and I made tiny little other swords for the otheres. "Go fight the demons of Ponyville, I wil get Satan!"

"RIGht" said them and they ran out of Applejack house. I ran after them into the streats of Ponyville to find Satan. I look around but then I look at Canterlot and saw that Satan was in the castle drinking lemonade!

"That pastard," said me. "I bet he drinks the lemonde you make from powder!" and I ran to the train staton to get a trian ticket to Canterlot. "One ticket to Canterlot please"

"Okay that is 150 dollars."

"But i have to go SAVE THE WORLD! AGAIN! and I spent all my moeney on the Valve Index VR headset"

"Too bad," said the pony.

"Shit," I said. "How wil I get to Canterlot?!"

but then I remembered. "HA! How silly of me! I am so dumb idiot fuck! Its time for my DETECTIVE CAR!" so I ran back to my house and jumepd in my car but it got swarm with demons. "Fuck!" said me "Get away from car!"

then a demon open the door and got in the passenger seet and said to me "Hello"

"Hi" said me. "What are you gonna do?"

"Im gonna kill you or something" said the demon.

"No" I said and I stab him with the demon sword and he got sent back to hell. "Exellent," I said. "I can kill the demons but its not realy like killing becaus they live in hell and im just sending them back home anyway." so I rev up my car and I drove my car REALLY fast and stuck the sword out the window and it chopped off a bunch of demon heads whil I drove onto the train tracks to canterlot.

I got to Canterlot Land and parked by the In N Out burger, but then I saw the castel was ALSO being invade with demons. thats bad.

~ MEANWHILE IN CANTERLOT CASTLE ~

"Fucketh you!" said Princess Luna who was tied up. "You wil not take over Equestira."

"Maybe not" said Satan, "but I WILL take over Ponyville."

"NOeth!" said Luna. "I shouldeth known Detective jakkid was innocent! I am a idiot for not believething him!"

"Well it is too late," said Satan. "MY demon forces will take over Equestrio and there is notheng anyone can do abot it."

"Not if I have anything to say about it," said me and I step into the room. "And i DO!"

"WHAT?" saidSatan. "Detecive jakkid166?! How ar you alive?!"

"Because you didnt kill me"

"Oh right."

"SATAN" I said and I poit my sword at him. "I chawenge you to a duel!"

"Wait" said Satan. "Is that the sord of Demon Ass Kicking?"

"Yeah and its gonna go IN your ass if you dont surender right now!"

"Shit" said Satan "Ok I give up" and he ran away.

"That was easy." said me and I went to Celestia and cut her ropes. "Are you ok Luna?"

"Yeseth," said Luna. "But that was actualy a sneak attacketh from Satan, I forgotst to tell you."

"What" I said and I noticed Satan stabed me in the back with his Demon pointy stick thing.

"Haha I got you now" said Satan.

"Haha you idiot," said me. "The holy artifacts make me invicible!"

"Yeah but my stick can kill invincible things"

"Aw shit." said me and I fell on the ground bleeding.

"Did you THINK you cold beat me?!" said Satan. "I am SATAN! I hav been in like 3 jakkid stories! I am the best VILLAIN IN THE UNIVERSE"

I cough blood and said "You ass nut fucker". "Who do yo think you are?!"

"Satan"

"That is correct, but also fuck you." and I stood up on my feet.

"Imposible!" said Satan. "How can you stand with such wound?! Is it the holy artifact power?"

"NO..." I said. "This is just power of Detective will... I hav worked so long to clear my name. Like 4 months. I will not go down without fight!" and I point my sword at him.

"Fine," said Satan and he point his satan stick at me. "En garde!"

"Luna you should get out because this is dangerous," I said and I grab luna and throwed her out the window. (I know its highup but its fine because she can fly remember)

anyway this was the final battle. I tok out my phone and bluetooth conected it to the castles speakers. "What kind of battle music should we use"

"Anything as long as it is not the Kanye West album called Jesus is King," said Satan.

so i put on the song "Memories Cant Wait" by Talking Heads. It started raining dramaticaly and Satan and me walked around each other, the two of us look for a time we could strike as hell. then Satan RAN to me and tried to stab me but I block it with my sword and said "Satan you wil not take over Equesta!"

"Oh yeah?" said Satan. "Who iz gonna stop me? You suck at being Detective"

"I do NOT!" said me and I kick him and broke the sword lock. "I am BEST detecive! I solve all the cases and solve all the bad guys!"

"Oh yeah?" said Saten. "What about in Princess Detecive jakkid166? You fuck up big there!"

"It is true," I said and I swung my sword at him but he dodged. "I was not best princess. But I learn from mistakes! You, Satan, keep trying to take over places and it never works because you are fuck! You wil always suck ass, you always lose just like in the bible. And in South Park"

Satan said "Yeah what about you cocaine addiction? You let you friends down! You do many bad things while doing cocaine! Are you realy good friend?!" and he threw his stick at me but I use myt sword like a baseball bat and hit it back at him and he caught it.

"Face it jakkid" said Satan. "You ar not the greatest detecive! You ar not even SECOND Greatest! Evan Dick America is beter than you!"

I stop to think. "What you mean?"

"Dick America help solve this case just as much as you but you give him no credits. He do all the work!"

"NO!" said me and I swunged my sword at him more. "It is not true! I am jakkid166! I win all the cases! You are wrong because you ar Satan and saying things to dismoral me."

Satan swong his sword at me but I dodged it and slashe him in the leg. "AGH!" said satan and he fall on the floor. "Detective jakkid you ass nugget! You deny what I say! Search you feeling, you know it is true!"

"Satan, no person is ever perfect," I say, "Not even Detective jakkid166. It is true, sometime I make mistake, even in the best stories. Bot even though I am not always best friend, or even best princess, one thing never change..."

"who give a SHIT" said Satan and jump up and CHARGE AT ME with the stick but i SMACKED it outta the way with my sword and STABBED Satan right in the Satan with my sword.

"i am the GREATEST DETECTIVE IN THE WORLD!"

and I PULLED the sword out and satan went all "AAAAAGH NOOO WEBHWENWHEBNWJFMNKCLWAJMNF903858934" and fell on the ground and died.

meanwhile in Ponyville, all the demons startde getting sucked back to hell where they cold not fight Ponyville anymore.

"woah..." said Fluttshy who just got done stabbing a demon. "He did it!"

"he did it!" said Dick America.

"Holy shit" said Twilight. "Detecive jakkid solved the case."

meanwhile i stood there while the power of the artefacts left me. I fell on th ground as the blood clushed out of me onto the ground and I thought to myself... "i did it. and now, i can rest. if theres any wey i should go death now, it is by protecting the kingdom that tryed to turn me into stone."

and i lost my conscious.



~ LATER TIME ~


"ugggh" I said. "Where am I"

"You are in heaven, Detective jakkid166 the greatest Detectiv ein the world."

I SAT UP and I look around. "WOAH Where am I?" I looked around and I saw I was in a place of big white clouds and chocolate fountains and roads made of golden silver. And in front of me was a man, he had whyte robes on and he looked kinda like god looks on that show called Family Guy, but also sound like Gordon Freeeman. "Is this heaven? Is that you, GOD?"

"Yes, jakkid, I am god," said God.

"So if I am in heaven..." said me. "Then that mus mean I am dead!"

"Exellent deduction Detective jakkid166," said God. "But not forever. I brought you here cause I want to thank you for kicking Satans ass and saving Equestira from certain Doom 3: Resurrection of Evil."

"It was no porblem," said me. "Detective job always involves fighting demons and Satan."

"For you selfless act," said God, "I am wiling to grant you one wish. It can be anything you want unles you want to bring back Satan to take over Equestria cause that wouldent make sense."

"Wow one wish?" I thought. "Wow, I can breng back Dick America! Then he can be alive and we can work togeether as Detective team!"

"I think he wold like that," said God. "But do you think tehere is someone else who need it more than him?"

i think about it. "Oh yeah good pointe."

"Equestira does need a ruler after all," said God.

"Alright," I said and I get up on mine feet. "GOD! I wish for you to BRING PRINCES CELESTIA BACK TO LIFE!"

"It is done," said God and he snap his fingers.

~ LATER TIME~ ~

"ugggh" I said. "Where am I"

"LOOK HE IS WAKING UP!" said Dick America. I open my eyes and I saw I was in the field grass of Ponyville and everyone was lookin at me. The gras was growing, the sky was blueing, and the sun wasnt falling onto the planet anymore.

"HAHA!" said me and I jump on my feet. "I am Detective jakkid166 and I am come back to LIFE NOW!"

"You ar not the only one," said Twilight and she point to Celestia who was there now. "She is a zombie now but she is still Celestia so its fine"

"Yes," said Zombie Celestia. "I want to thank you Detecive jakkid166 for solving the crime of Satan and saving Equestira from his demon army."

"It is no porlbem," said me. "I kill demons all the time in Doom and Terraria"

"I dont think you are good!" said a voice though. Everyone turn around and standing there was Satan, but he was a ghost now cause he died.

"You idoits" said Satan Ghost. "This not the end! I will return when I am not dead anymore!" but then his phone rung. "One second I have a call" he said and he open his iPhone 7. (hell does not have budget for new iphones.) "What do you want who is this?"

"Satan you idiot stop bothering the ponies and go back to hell" said Jesus.

"Fine" said Satan. "Do you wan t me to pick up some beer on the way back for when we watch the Breaking Bad movie"

"Yeah that sounds good" said Jesus, and then Satan hanged up and disappeared away.

"Well," said Princess Luna, "What doth we do now?"

"Are you fucking me" said Pinkie Pie "It is obviously time to PARTY!"

~ LATER TIME AGAIN ~

I was on the stage of the Detective Award cemerony and Zombie Princess Celestia was there ready to gives me my award for solving the bigest case of my whole career. "Now," said Celstia, "I am please to pronounce Detective jakkid166 wth the official Equestria Greatest Detective in the World award!" and the whole crowd clap like hell and I wipe tear from my eye.

"You go Detective jakkid," said Twilight. "We all poop for you!"

but something wasnt right. Among the crowd I sae everything and I saw Dick America siting with them, clappig too. Then I thought abot something.

"WAIT!" I said befor Celestia could put the medal on me.

"What is wrong jakkid?!" said Celestia.

"I do not need this award!" I say. "I already hav a Greatest Detective in the World award from Sonic World. But I think ther is someone else who deserves it too."

"Who is that?" said Zombie Celestia. "I want to eat brains"

"Dick America!" I said. "Come up here and get you award!"

Dick Americo was shock. He got up from his seat and went to me and said "Thank you adopted cousin jakkid166."

Celestia said to us "Ok then, I hereby pronouce Dick America the OTHER greatest detective in the world!" and she put the medal on him and everyone cheer.

"And now it is time to DANCE!" said me and I put on the jukebox played the song Uncontrolable Urge by DEVO.

"YEEEEAH GOOD MUSIC" shoute everyone and they dance on the dance floor while the guy in the song went "YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEAH"


we danced into the night...

~ THE NEXT DAY ~

I was in Twilights house eatin Oatmeal or something but Twilight cold tell something was wrong because I was eating oatmeal.

"What is wrong jakkid?" said Twilight. "Why ar you eating gross food?"

"Because," said me. "I hav been thinking. Twilight, do you think I am the Greatest Detective in the World?"

"Yea of course jakkid," said Twilight. "That is your title."

"Only part of it" said me. "My full name is actualy Mr. Mrs. Doctor Professor Archeologist Sir Lawyer King Prince Lord Senator President Earl Chief Judge Bishop Detective jakkid166 PHd DDS."

"Wow you are a king jakkid?"

"I have been many places Twilight"

"But I dont understand what you say," said Twilight. "What is wrong?"

"When I fighted Satan, he said things to me," said me. "And I am thinking maybe he was right abot some things. He may hav been a stupid idiot jerk fucker, but he is not stupid. He says true things sometimes"

"Then what ar you gonna do jakkid?" said Twilight Sparkle.

I got up from my chair and I tok out my Detecive badge. I look at how the metal badge shine in the light... and the song "Rock and Roll suicide" by David Bowie started playing. Then I throw the badge  ont he table.

"Dective jakkid!" said Twilight. "What are you doing?!"

"Twilight," I say, "I am leaving."

"WHAT?" said Twilight. "But why?!"

"I must go soul searching jounrey to find my true self," said me.

"But wil you be back?"

"Maybe"

"When?"

"I dunno"

"but JAKKID!" said Twilight and she grab me. "You canot leave! Who will be Detective?!"

"Dick America of coruse," said me. "He will watch the town while I am gone."

"But ar you sure jakkid?!" said Twilight as she cry out her nose.

"Yes," I say. "I am sory, but I must take a break. I am tired and I mus find out my true self."

"oh okay" said Twilight.

I got up and kick the door open. I walkd out into the light of Ponyville. I pass by the ponies as they look at me like im weird. But im not weird, theyre weird. I walke out toward the edge of Ponyville when Twilight got to her door and said "WAIT!"

I turned aroun. And she said "Goodbye, Detective jakkid166."

And I turn to face, not Twilight, but YOU, the person readin this.

"Goodbye."

and i walk away until i disapear over the horizon.



the end