//------------------------------// // Chapter 27: Fuckin’ Greeeaaat // Story: Papers, Ponies, and Attitude // by Yellowtail //------------------------------// It’s been more than a whole month since the attack on Manehatten ended. We counted up the casualty rate of both sides. Equestrian forces took down over two to three thousand Minotaurs and dragons. Meanwhile, they took down three to four hundred out of eleven hundred Equestrian forces. Although we’re still faced with a big number of deaths, we consider it a big win. The Checkpoint’s fucking closed again, since it retained some damage. Manehatten itself was barely touched, with the exception of Segway breaking through some window when he was catapulted into the city. The civilian shelters let the people go, and they were all excited to try to quickly return to a normal life. Whisk looked for me, and found me at a hospital, where I would take two weeks to recover. She fussed at me for five minutes before crying for ten. I felt bad for leaving her in the dark, but in the end, it worked out. Apparently, while Spearhead was talking to his wife when he got back, it was revealed to him that his wife is pregnant with his kid. He was excited, to say the least. Meanwhile, Segway continued dating that red chick, who’s name I can’t remember. To say she was worried would be an understatement. Lighter... Lighter had it rough. It turns out, his buddy Brick died at some point in the second wave. He was devastated. On the plus side, the mafia was recognized for their part in the defense, despite the irks of the Equestrian generals. Speaking of which, I was told I'll be personally rewarded by them sometime around the end of November for defending Manehatten from the Minotaur army. The Minotaur King was found in a cave in a mountain not too far from the Border. The war ended in the middle of October, when the remaining seperatist dragons were defeated. Some people started calling the Checkpoint 'The Stone Shield of Manehatten', and in turn, the soldiers and mafia members who defended were called 'Knights of Manehatten'. Rather catchy. Anyway, people are calling this war a couple of different names. Some call it the Great War, some call it The Empirical War, and some even call it Cozy's War. Cozy Glow... Cozy Glow’s fate is actually unknown to me. She was captured by the Equestrians, that much was for certain. However, her punishment wasn't revealed to anyone yet. However, I don't want to dwell on that. Because right now, I'm getting ready for work. It's November second, a whole month after the attempted invasion failed on October third. It's a Wednesday, and I'm tired as fuck as I trudge to the Manehatten Checkpoint for a normal day. The Border was closed for a while, but it finally reopened recently. I smile in amusement as I think of how this might not be a normal day, since those don't fucking exist anymore. However, when I come to the Border, I find a strange sight. I sigh as I see, yet again, lines upon lines of soldiers lined up on the path to my office. They all salute to me, row by row. "Attention!" A familiar guard yells. I look over to see that he is, in fact, Spearhead, holding a ribbon with something attached to it. "Sir! It's my greatest honor to-" "Let me stop you right there," I say, making him pause. "First off, I didn't do shit. I just said some curse words and got everyone pumped. I didn't organize an army, Spearhead. You did." "... Anon, I don't give a buck what you say, you're getting the damn medal," he says, laughing at the end. Everyone follows suite, chuckling. "What about you?" I ask. Spearhead chuckles, smiling widely. "Oh, I finally got my promotion!" He yells in excitement. Everyone Snickers at his excitement before he calms down. "I'm promoted to head of security, which is a big deal for me!" He says. "Good for you Spearhead!" I say. I start to casually walk away, but Spearhead stops me from escaping. "Yep, and now you're getting your Equestrian medal of Honor whether you like it or not!" "W-wait, medal of Honor?" I ask as Spearhead pins it on my jacket. "Yep! Congrats!" With that, he walks off before I could protest. Everyone salutes me again before going off to do what they are needed to do. I sputter as I look around before sighing. I simply continue to my office building. When I walk in, I see Clipper happily filing stuff away while whistling a tune. "Yo, Clipper," I call, walking up. She looks around to see me and smiles. "Morning sir! I hope you're feeling well!" She says. She looks down to see my medal on my jacket. "Oh wow! Is that a medal?" I sigh. "Yep. Got a medal for talking. Aren't I great?" I sarcastically ask. "Sir, you did so much more than that," Clipper says. Before I can argue, she gasps as she looks at the clock. "Oh no! You're almost late!" She says with panic. I look at the clock and feel my eyes go wide. I have two minutes to get to my post. "Shit!" I yell, scrambling out. I rush to my other office and hurriedly open the door. I jump into my seat and notice something new on my desk. A letter. I pick it up and scan over it with my eyes. Anonymous, It's my deepest pleasure to request your presence in Canterlot for a very important meeting regarding the attack. Please attend it on Saturday, a substitute is already called in ahead of time. Celestia. I quirk an eyebrow. Weird. I crumple up the letter and stuff it in my pocket. I lean towards the mic as I start the day. "Next!" I call. The first entrant is a familiar changeling queen. "Anon, it's good to see you," she says with a chuckle. "What's up creepy as fuck?" I ask. Queen Chrysalis sighs in relief. "I've been waiting to finally meet someone with a backbone," she says. "Did you know that the last time I came here, there was this boring pony? He was so uptight that it wasn't even funny." "... Oh, you're talking about when I was fired," I finally say. "Oh, you were fired?" Chrysalis asks. "And how did that go?" "Pretty poorly for them," I answer as she hands me her papers. "Oh well. So, I heard that this city was almost invaded, care to share some details?" She asks. "I got some troops together, gave a pep talk, we killed a bunch of shit, some crazy fuck revealed herself, time travel, a dome sealed us in, and it was fucking wild." Chrysalis laughs. "I see, the very magic that stopped my army from invading Canterlot was used against you. How fitting," she chuckles. "You make that sound sinister as hell," I say. "Good, I wanted to see if you're still as sharp as ever." "I'm sharper than your cheese legs, don't try me," I say. I stamp her paper and wave bye. "Now, go off and continue your weird ass life." Chrysalis laughs. "You know, if you didn't have a lady friend, I might have taken you for myself," she purrs, strutting out. I shiver at the thought of that. "I prefer my lover to be warm blooded," I mutter. I lean in to the mic. "Next!" I look back over and yelp as I see Discord standing in front of the window. "Why hello human!" Discord says excitedly. "Isn't it fun to be part of the action for once?" "Jesus Christ, you scared me," I say. Discord laughs and drops to the ground, out of sight. I start to look over the window sill when Discord's goat face fills my vision from above. "Oh, hush now, it's only fun, nothing more!" "Okay, hey, by the way, where the fuck were you?" I ask. Discord poofs out of my sight and reappears in front of the window by melting through the ceiling. "Why, did you miss me?" He asks, fluttering his eyes as he solidifies. "No, it's just that I thought you would care about the fate of Manehatten, or its civilians." Discord gives a mocking gasp. "Me? Not caring?" He stops to snap, and with a flash, transforms his face into the shape of Keanu Reeves' face. "I am the pique of life-caring individuals!" I frown at him. After a moment, he sighs and a computer mouse cursor appears above his head. A dotted line goes around his face before an 'x' appears on the top right. The mouse goes to it and squeaks as it clicks. Just like that, his face is back to normal. "You're no fun sometimes," he pouts. "Bitch, hundred of soldiers died, I'm not in a funny mood about it." "Anon, you must understand, I am an upholder of chaos," Discord explains. He waves his arm and a painting of Twilight and her friends appear. "The creatures of this world are too harmony-based to survive and evolve in this world. The ponies especially." He stops and twirls a talon over the painting, making it change to a picture of Cozy Glow. "You and I know that evil will exist regardless of your or mine's actions, and the balance of the world depends on people like her to keep it, whether they know it or not." Discord chuckles as he looks at me, casually snaps a portal to my world, and gestures to it. I can see a regular street corner, full of people waiting on a light to walk across the street. I simply look back at him with no amusement. "Your world doesn't need things like me or Cozy, you naturally evolve into such forces or entities based on your naturally chaotic surrounding and influences!" He snaps it close and smiles as he leans towards me. "If I stopped her, something much worse would have transpired than a simple city being destroyed!" He leans on the window sill and takes out an ice cream cone. He starts filing his talons with it. "In my opinion, she was probably allowed to travel through time since this universe demanded it." "... That just barely makes sense, but I think I understand," I say. Discord nods and sips the cone itself, as if it was liquid. He throws the ice cream ball into his mouth, which explodes in his stomach. I simply sigh. "Okay, different question, why are you here?" I ask. "Oh, no reason, just wanted to make sure the cake had enough time to cook," he says, promptly snapping a portal into existence. He waves bye and steps right through, zipping it close. The zipper disappears with a pop, leaving me totally confused. Just as suddenly, the zipper appears again, and makes piano sounds as it unzips. Discord leans out. “Oh, sorry, I just wanted to ask, did you notice her new look? It’s rather odd, you know.” I squint my eyes at him. “Who?” “Cozy Glow of course! Don’t tell me, you truly didn’t notice?” He asks, grinning widely. “For someone who makes such a fuss about fine details, it’s surprising you didn’t notice it!” “Notice what?” I ask. “I won’t spoil the fun of guessing for you my boy, just take a close look at her whenever you get the chance! Ta-ta now, I think my cake being electrocuted.” With that, he disappears from my sight, leaving me even more confused... I sigh as I drag a hand over my face. "Motherfucker, I swear I'm going to drop kick the shit out of you if you say another God damn word," I say as I try to continue looking over their passport. The entrant in front of me, a moose, frowns. "But you cannot deny the facts! The world is flat since-" "I never even asked for this fucking conversation!" I yell. "But you did! You said-" he stops as I bend down, take my crossbow, and level it towards him. "Tell me what I said motherfucker, I dare you," I say. “You’ve been holding up the line, you’ve interfered with everyone’s day, I fucking dare you to tell me what I just said.” The moose gulps. "Y-you said to stop talking," he answers. I nod, putting the crossbow down. I look over his passport and stamp it green. "Don't cause trouble," I say. He nods quickly and shuffles out the door even quicker. I sigh and slump in my chair. After a minute, I lean towards the mic. "Next!" As I sit back, I see Cadence walk in. She gasps as she sees me. She walks up. "Anon! It's good to see you're looking healthy!" "'Healthy' and 'Wanting to die' look very similar," I say irritably. Cadence giggles. "You'll be fine," she says. She drops her smile as she looks at me while she hands me her papers. "Anon, I have a question." "And I might not answer," I say. "... I wanted to ask, did you hear about the rumors?" "What rumors?" "Auntie Celestia and Luna might retire," she says. "... That's fucking stupid," I say. At Cadence's confusion, I elaborate. "Cadence, they're princesses, and they're immortal. They might not have time to relax, but this country is literally like a country full of children to them. They wouldn't leave it, they care for it too much. Besides, who could be able to take their place at this point?" "Twilight could," Cadence says. I start to argue, but I stop. "... Hm, I guess she could," I mutter. "However, the chances of them retiring are still fairly low, and the chances of Twilight being ready for such a feat is slightly lower.” “How is it slightly lower?” “Kinda hard to go below one percent.” "But still plausible?" Cadence asks. I sigh irritably and rub my face. "Well, if Twilight’s in line for the throne, then yes. It's definitely plausible," I say. I finally finish looking over her passport and stamp it. I give it back to her and she leaves, looking down in thought. I lean towards the mic. "Next!" I sigh as I go home. I take out my cigarette and puff out some smoke as I come up to my house. Next to the front door sits an ashtray. I had set it up a while back. I quickly put out the cig, dump some ash into the tray, and head inside. Whisk sits on the couch, watching television with a Burger Queen bag. She's eating a burger. She looks over at me and smiles. "Hi Anon, how was the first day back?" She asks. I smile, chuckling a little as I put my coat up. "Oh, not too crazy," I answer. "I'm starving, did you get something for me?" Whisk giggles and holds up the bag. "Would I be a good girlfriend if I didn't?" She asks. "No, you'd be Whisk," I joke. She rolls her eyes. "I mean, if you really don't want it-" "Okay, I'm sorry," I say, laughing as I sit down beside her. I take out my burger and unwrap it. I start eating as I watch television with Whisk. I'm glad to have one normal-ish day, after being constantly stressed from war news, war reports, military changes, fighting and whatnot... It's Saturday, and I'm at Canterlot. To say I'm indifferent would be right on the dot. "Anon," Celestia starts as we walk down the hall. "You cannot tell me that in the past twelve years you've lived in Equestria, that you have never stopped to get formal pants or shirts." The reason for her distraught, is that I am wearing khakis. Not any old khakis, pink khakis. “I mean, we’re meeting some pretty noble people who sent away the guards and practically forced me to defend a city,” I say. “I’m putting my best foot forward.” “Anon, your ‘best foot’ is wearing socks with sandals,” Celestia says. I frown as she disses my style. With my pink khakis, I wear grey socks with brown sandals, a grey v-neck shirt, and a bright yellow Hawaiian shirt over it like a jacket. To say I look like a walking eyesore would be an understatement. “Are you trying to make a fool of yourself?” “Yes. Because then, it will occur to everyone that someone like me did a better job at defending a city than tweedle-fuck and tweedle-fucker.” I take out a pair of regular sunglasses and put them on. “Now, I’m gonna be honest with you, I don’t give a fuck about them, I should be at work, where I’m useful. So, thus, I’m not going to give them any respect when they’re not even willing to-“ “Anon, this isn’t about the generals that made that decision. We’re going to talk about some things that are big and we need your approval on some of it,” Celestia says. I lower my shades to give her a quirking eyebrow. "Like what?" "You'll see," Celestia says mysteriously. I roll my eyes and continue to follow her. We walk up to a set of doors, and she opens them and gestures for me to walk inside. As I do so, I immediately notice that it's a little dark. I also notice a plane of glass, which shows a separate room, where the very thing that attacked Manehatten sits. "... Celestia," I start. "Why is she here?" "We are trying to decide what to do with her," she says, walking up. "Cozy Glow's sentence is hard to make. We can't decide if we should... Eliminate her... Or give her a life sentence in Tartarus again." "Celestia, she's clearly too dangerous to be sent back to Tartarus," I say. "Well, the general public isn't wanting her dead, and if such a decision reached their ears, they would be in an uproar." "Who cares, you don't have to tell them about it," I say. "It's like how my country works, it's a felony to lie to the government, but if they lie to us, it's just politics." "That's... that's disturbing," Celestia says. "Hey, you don't tell civilians about your special forces, why bother telling them the death of a monster?" I ask. "... Actually, I have a better idea," Celestia says. Cozy Glow sits silently in a room, magically stuck to her spot. She is a ball of rage on the inside, trying to see how her plan failed so spectacularly. She runs it through her head. They should have been scared, terrified! She should have had the most leverage! She growls to herself as she tries to comprehend her failure for the hundredth time. However, she stops as she sees me walk inside with Celestia in tow, smiling. "Greetings Cozy Glow, I see you're still here," Celestia says. "Look, we know how this will go," Cozy says. She smiles in confidence. "You ponies are too weak to send me to death, so you're just going to send me to Tartarus. Isn't that right?" I give a sarcastically loud laugh. "Actually Bitchface, that's not gonna happen," I say, smiling maliciously. Her smile drops. "You're gonna be turned to stone, and your mental state will be kept active and conscious.” Cozy's eyes go wide. "B-but you can't!" She yells. Cozy’s going to be a thinking statue, conscious of everything going on around her, for the rest of time. A stoning is a rare sentence, a sentence very few, like Discord, have ever been subjected to. It's certainly not a nice treatment. "You're too dangerous to be alive. Not only are you a megalomaniac, you're nothing but a whiny, sadistic, lunatic of a child," I say. I cross my arms as Cozy Glow growls, remembering these same words I've said before in her past. Celestia gives a satisfied smile. "Your sentence is coming up tomorrow. I hope you enjoyed your stay.” With that, she walks out. Before I can follow her, I hear Cozy laugh. "Do you believe you can hold me?" She asks. She starts laughing maniacally. "I'll still be alive you fools! I'll escape! I know I will! And you will rue the day you-" "Shut the fuck up before I knock your silly ass out," I say. Cozy shakes her head, laughing a little more. "I've seen your future ape, and I will be there. I guarantee you, I will be there, and I will terrorize everyone in your bloodline, to the end of time!” I start to retort, but she keeps going. “You won’t get away with foiling me again, I’ll have your soul one day, mark my words!” "... Yeah, whatever," I say, walking out. Bloodline? That's not possible, and that's not even mentioning the 'end of time' bit. Even if she's from the future, she might just be trying to get under my skin. At this moment in time, I can only cautiously take it with a grain of salt. I stop as I remember Discord’s words. I back up and look at the angry Cozy Glow, and quirk an eyebrow. I don’t know what, but something’s missing, other than her sanity. A regular earth pony build, pink coat, blue mane, red eyes... wait. "Where are your wings?" I ask. "Wouldn't you like to know?" Cozy mocks with a cocky smile. I roll my eyes and start to walk away, when I hear her suddenly laugh. "Oh, speaking of wings, did you know your little griffon will lose hers?" I stop. "Apparently an admirer of mine is going to hear my cries for help! And wouldn't you know it, he's such a romantic." I start to clench my fist. "He found out which little birdie is your wife. Truth be told, not impressive." I grit my teeth and try to just walk away again. I can hear her as I finally start walking away again. "Apparently, her last words were for you to help her, but he wasn't sure since her final cries were cut off by her screaming." She stops to laugh. "He just knew that it's only fair since I lost mine!" I freeze as I immediately put two and two together. I slowly turn to Cozy, and I think I hear Celestia's voice coming from somewhere. However, my focus is solely on Cozy. "... Tell you what," I start, walking back to her. "I'm sick and tired of your bullshit and your games. Why are you doing any of this to begin with?" I ask. Cozy's insane smile drops, and I can see a faint glimmer of some sanity that isn't corrupted. "What made all of your threats, deaths, and misery worth it? Do you actually have some fucking semblance of an idea of your God damn end goal!?" I yell. Cozy doesn't seem to be paying attention to me anymore, only to some scene playing in her head. "Come on!" I yell. "Answer me!" Cozy merely keeps staring into the distance, seemingly unaffected by the volume of my voice. I slowly realize that I'm breathing heavily, with a fist pulled back in preparation to punch her. I slowly lowered it and cross my arms again. Cozy blinks out of her stupor after a few minutes and looks around. "I-I... I don't- I-" I can see her eyes turning to pinpricks. She keeps shifting around, starting to hyperventilate as she keeps stumbling over her words. "I- I can't- Wait-" I slowly grow more and more confused as Cozy doesn't seem to be able to even form a complete sentence. Finally, she suddenly stops talking and looks up at me with realization. She slowly looks around, and I can see tears welling up in her eyes. She opens her mouth to say something, but she stops. The tears trail down her face. She closes her mouth and looks down. "... If you ever come out of the stone," I start. I lean down. "And if you ever think of hurting anyone, you better hope to hell that I don't find you." With that, I reluctantly turn away. She's not worth my time. Besides, Discord said that being trapped in one's mind for some time is absolute torture if it's long enough... November 26th, 20XXI Whisk and I are grocery shopping at the local Walcart. We’re in an aisle for bread. “Are you sure you don’t want honey-buttered?” Whisk asks. “It might be good.” “Is it the best thing since sliced bread?” I ask sarcastically. “Anon... it is sliced bread,” Whisk deadpans. “That’s the point,” I say. “It’s sliced bread, who the hell cares about what flavor the bread is?” “Well, what if you don’t want bland toast?” Whisk asks. The question elicits a chuckle from me. “Whisk, I won’t be awake enough to care.” “... You might though,” Whisk says. I roll my eyes at her antics. “... Alright, fine, you can get the bread,” I say. She quietly squeals to herself and takes it off the shelf. The cart I was pushing around gains the pack of bread as Whisk walks on. I follow close behind. “There’s this one recipe I want to try with it! I’m sure you’ll love it!” She says. I smile a little at how excited she's being over bread. I drop my smile as I faintly hear clattering armor. "Is there one Anonymous the Human here?" A loud voice asks. Whisk and I walk out of the aisle to see two Royal Guard ponies at the entrance of the store, past five different cashiers' lines. The Guards have some medals and ribbons on the front of their armor, signifying how high a rank they are. Their outburst seemed to have startled the various creatures around them, like a pony cashier that seems to have accidentally dropped a customer's carton of eggs. Everyone gives the Guards a passing glare as they go back to what they were doing. However, the Guards don't give a shit since they spot me and start walking up. Judging from the medals I had noticed, I'd say they're around the same rank as Shining Armor. "Are you Anonymous the Human?" One asks. I notice a slight grizzled tone from his voice. "I don't know, do you see any other humans around?" I ask. "Do not give me that tone of voice," the other Guard says. "Bitch, please," I reply. I can see Whisk sigh and just continue shopping by taking the buggy from me. "Oh, hey, sweetie, don't forget the bacon!" I call. She gives me a thumbs up and continues. I look back at the Guards. "That is no way to address-" "Look asshole, I've lived here for about two fucking years. How the fuck are you surprised by my attitude?" I ask. "I mean, you're part of the Guard, you should know my name well enough to know that I do this shit on a daily basis." "... I hereby put you under arrest for interrupting military operations in a time of crisis," one of them says. I simply quirk an eyebrow. "Oh really? Which one?" I ask. "All Royal Guards were to abandon their original post at Manehatten, and meet the oncoming forces that-" "Hold up, hold up," I say. "That's the operation? That stupid ass decision?" The armored ponies grit their teeth. "It's because of me, this city is still standing." "Your actions are considered treason to the highest degree against Equestria!" He yells. "Oh yes, because defending your civilians is obviously supposed to be an afterthought," I deadpan. This makes them pissed. "How dare you! You are now-" "Hey, buddy, look at me," I say. He glares at me as I slowly lift up a hand and shoot him the bird. "I don't give a fuuuuck," I whisper yell. "That's it! You're coming with me!" The other pony yells. "Uh huh, by the way, you should take a look around," I say. The Guards look around with an angry expression, which melts into realization as they see that everyone, pony and non-pony, is glaring at them. The first Guard clears his throat. "Nothing to see folks, please move along," he says. A pony walks up and gets in front of me. He faces the Guards. "So, what'd you say you'd do?" He asks. "Please move along, you're obstructing the course of Justice," the Guard says. A Minotaur casually walks up and stands next to the pony, crossing his arms. "I'm sorry, I don't think any of us heard you correctly," he says. The Guards growl and take out their swords. "Move or we will have to-" "Alright, let's go," I say, catching everyone's attention. I walk out from the defensive line in front of me and stretch. "You're arresting me, right? Let's go then." Everyone's jaw drops, but the guard recover quickly. They both smile. "Good to see you still know your place," one says. "No, I just think it's pathetic that you're that desperate to arrest me," I say. This does not sit well with them. They both go back to glaring and walk over. They point their swords at me and gesture for me to walk. I comply and simply walk. They nudge me out the door, where we turn to go down the street. Looks like I’ll be late for dinner... It’s the next day, and I’m sitting in a cell. It’s cold, wet, and dark. “... Mother fucker, I know you have the heater, please turn that bitch on,” I say to the police ponies in the cell playing Uno with me. “Wait, I do?” The pony in question asks. I nod towards the heater that’s under a desk I can see in front of the cell. “Oh crap I do, hold on.” He gets up, opens the door, walks to the desk, and turns it on. He comes back and sits down, smiling sheepishly as everyone glares. “Sorry Mr Anon, I’m so exhausted that I almost forgot about it.” “Yeah, I don’t blame you, it sucks when the plumbing fucks up for no reason,” I say, gesturing to the sink that clogged up this morning, overfilling without me realizing it. Thanks to it, water splashed all over the floor when we all tried to fix it. “Speaking of shit that does stuff for no reason, why was there a window built facing a fucking wall?” I ask, pointing at said barred-window with a thumb. Everyone around the table shrugs. “I dunno, why aren’t you playing a card?” One of the ponies asks. I simply sigh and start drawing cards to the ponies’ glee. “See, told you he doesn’t have any reds.” “Oh go fuck yourself,” I mutter, causing them all to laugh. After about three cards, I stop to take a sip of freshly made coffee, with a bit of sweetener and cream. After I put my mug down, I take up another card. I smirk. “Ha!” I yell, slamming down a wild plus four card. “Suck on this! Blue!” I say excitedly. Yesterday, the guards took me here. Whisk came by when I didn’t come back, and got royally pissed when I told her what happened. However, the police remember what I did during the attempted invasion of Manehatten. To say they were welcoming would be an understatement. They acted like they would put me in the slammer for the Guards, but they dropped the act when they left. They gave me a fresh cot, fluffy blankets, a can of soda, and even let me smoke. They couldn’t let me out of the building since I technically need to go to trial, but they let me wander around for a good while. Hell, even the other criminals here gave me some respect. I got a couple convicts thanking me for not ditching the city. “Damn, I was so close,” the police pony next to me says, drawing four as the one next to him looks over his cards. Segway and Spearhead came by a little while ago today, about two hours ago. They explained to me that the two Guards that brought me in here were the general’s subordinates, but they were specifically instructed to not mess with me by the generals themselves. Apparently, the underlings were over-zealous asshats, not the big guys in charge, which is new to me. Normally the higher ups would be the egotistical assholes, but apparently that’s not the case this time. “You might have been close, but-“ The next pony practically throws down a wild card. “I’m closer, make it green!” I snicker. “You didn’t say Uno,” I point out. He frowns as realization forms on his face. He looks at his card for a moment before sighing. “Dammit...” He mutters. He draws two card from the deck and the next guy puts down a green plus two. “Parry this you fucking casuals,” I say, putting down a blue plus two. “Stop giving me cards,” the next guy says as he draws two more cards, putting them on top of the four he already drew. “Here, I got you,” the next guy says, putting down a blue reverse card. “I didn’t want that!” The police pony says, making us all laugh at his emotional torture. Suddenly, I get a letter, which poofs into existence in front of me. I take it and read it. Dear Anonymous the Human, It is with deepest apologies that I announce that the Griffonstone trip has been delayed due to circumstances regarding the holidays. King Windfall. I stare at the letter for a moment before shrugging and crumpling it up. I guess they have some troubles to deal with at the moment, but now, back to the game...