Hands
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
By Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
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The Crystal Empire...
"Shepherd," Shining Armor growled.
"Twinkie," I replied.
"You still insist on using that insipid nickname?" Shining sighed. I shrugged and grinned, knowing it would piss him off even more.
"You still insist on being a dick, so yes."
Shining looked around carefully, before lowering his voice. "If only you knew..."
"Knew what?" I asked. Shining sighed.
"Look... It pains me to admit it... But I'm hoping it will explain some of my... Behavior."
"I'm doing your sister, I think I've got the gist," I said wryly. Shining sighed and facehoofed.
"That's... Part of it... The other part is... Well..."
I crossed my arms over my chest. "Yes?"
"... You remember how you attempted to shake me out of my stupor by relating the... Filthy things you've been doing with my beloved little sister?"
I stared at him like he was an idiot. Which I'll admit, I did a lot. Shining rolled his eyes.
"And how it did not even phase me thanks to the fact I'm married to the Princess of Love?"
"Vaguely, yeah," I said sarcastically.
"Well, Cadence has given me a few... Hints," Shining said uncomfortably. "Regarding... You."
I frowned. "What sort of hints?"
"She's the goddess of love, and she has learned my sister's 'Human Transformation' spell," Shining said wryly. "And she is not averse to... Inviting more into our bed..."
I blinked. Several times. My jaw dropped as I put it together, without the help of a Meatloaf song. Shining scowled.
"You want me to paint you a picture?!" He demanded.
"Bwuh?" I managed intelligently, mind suddenly filled with certain... Images.
"Well, your form does allow for some... Possibilities," Shining said cautiously, "which Cadence finds... Interesting and-STOP IMAGINING THINGS!" He snarled, and I jumped. I scowled back and threw up my hands.
"What? I can't help it! You're the one who brought this whole thing up!" I shouted back.
"Cuz she INSISTED I at least ask you!" Shining cried in exasperation.
"Well, the answer is NO, obviously! Twilight wouldn't just kill me, she'd castrate me first!" I shouted.
"What are you two arguing about now?" Twilight asked, exasperated as she trotted into the room. "And castrate you for what?"
Shining and I stared at one another. We stared back at Twilight.
"... Nothing!" We both said quickly.
"Really?" Twilight asked with a raised eyebrow. "Doesn't sound like nothing..."
"Totally nothing," I insisted.
"Absolutely nothing," Shining said.
"Shiny, you know I hate it when you lie to me!" Twilight said, stomping her hoof on the floor. She glared at Andrew. "And you too!"
"Well you don't know every single time I lie to you," I said. I smacked my forehead as I realized how stupid that was. "Oh boy..."
"What do you mean, I don't know when you lie to me?" Twilight growled, her eyes flaring with inner fire. Shining coughed, and bravely backed away out of the line of fire. Foolishly I gulped and thought up a way to appease my beautiful marefriend.
I was saved thanks to Princess Cadence, who trotted into the room with a cheerful smile.
"Shiny, did you extend the offer to Andrew?" She asked. Shining sweated.
"Er... Well... Um..."
"What offer?!" Demanded Twilight. Cadence beamed.
"Oh, to invite Andrew into our bed to allow us to see how to enjoy human form, of course!" The Princess of Love said cheerfully. Twilight's jaw just dropped. I covered my face and I was fairly sure Shining was doing the same.
"Wh-What?!" Twilight cried. Cadence beamed happily.
"You're free to join us if you'd like, Twilight. You, Fluttershy, the rest of your harem," she said. "Oh my, all this talk has got me excited! Shiny, come to bed~," she purred.
"Yes dear," Shining said, quickly galloping out of the room with a giggling Cadence thrown onto his back. Twilight and I were left to awkwardly stare anywhere but directly at one another.
"... Was she always that... Um...?"
"She was my foalsitter," Twilight growled, before she stormed off muttering obscenities. I sighed and rubbed my temples.
I had a headache coming on...
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