//------------------------------//
// Burger Princess Shack part 3 
// Story: Kitchen Nightmares: Equestrian Misadventures 
// by Spettro138 
//------------------------------//

The madness continues at Ponyville's own Burger Princess Shack. A once prestigious gourmet hay burger restaurant with Clawstralian routes and the regular patronage of Equestria's newest princess, now struggling to stay afloat. With the survival of the restaurant on the line, Princess Twilight Sparkle and Chef Gordon Ramsay pull out all the stops to keep it from going under. Unfortunately, the owners and the kitchen staff may not even believe it can be saved at all.  Gordon hears rumors of a dysfunctional family unit running the Shack, to which he is determined to get to the bottom of. 

Right when their food was taken back, Twilight heard a familiar whipping of air followed by a glittering pink flame that appeared right over her head. A letter rolled up and stamped with Princess Celestia's official emblem appeared into existence and landed in front of Twilight on the table. 

"Wonder what she wants?" Gordon inquired curiously.

Wondering herself, Twilight opened the letter and read it thoroughly

My Dear Twilight,

Tread carefully with Gordon on this particular outing. I have received word from the Clawstralian Ambassador that someone in Skillet's family was involved in a hostile criminal coup that nearly destroyed our colony there. Food and bad service isnt the main issue in Equestria anymore. Be on your guard. Message me immediately if anything changes.

Love,
Celestia.

Sending the letter back to her study in the castle, Twilight turned her attention back to Gordon who was looking at her expectantly. Not in a rude way like forcefully making a demand, but in a genuinely calm, but curious fashion which the alicorn was somewhat surprised to see coming from the aggressive human.

"So what's up?" Gordon asked.

"I think we may need to investigate a little more seriously here, because things have gotten a little complicated," Twilight replied.

Twilight explained the full extent of the situation to Gordon who listened intently to everything his equine companion said. At the end of it all, he laid his head on his fist in thought, trying to come up with a reasonable plan for their next step.

"Send a message back to the Princess. Tell her to do some more digging on her end. I'm no policeman. I don't interrogate people about crimes on a daily basis. I'm just a chef that's good at figuring people out. However, I do know that we dont have enough information to go on to make any accusations of that magnitude. Let's keep going and do some snooping around their office when we have the time. With your authorization of course. You're their princess."

"I suppose that's fair." Twilight replied understandingly. "I'll send a message to Princess Luna, see if she can't probe Skillet's family for information from the dream realm."

"Not sure if Skillet would be stupid enough to keep around any physical evidence in his office that might point to criminal activity in his family, but its certainly worth a shot. Perhaps you can try getting into contact with this Clawstralian Ambassador yourself? See if he can tell you anything extra?"

"Actually, that's not a bad idea. I'll ask the Princess for his address."

Gordon paused for a moment in thought but then turned back to Twilight.

"Please be a little more ready this time when some nut fuck tries to tear us to shreds," Gordon urged with humor. "You're the one with the magic darling."

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind sweetie," Twilight snapped back as she playfully stuck out her tongue.

After finding out another dish had been sent back to the kitchen, Red Skillet, ended up getting into a heated argument with the executive chef Jack Pot. The chef in question, wanted nothing more than to disappear from Ponyville and never see Burger Princess Shack again. Cursing out Red, Jack Pot abruptly stormed out the back door and into the back alley behind the restaurant to try to get a grip on himself and his sanity. He was alone out in the alley, save for a long row of dented and dull silver trash cans that lined the back wall. A single rat skittered by, only paying attention to the smell of its next meal and not the pony stamping his hooves on the ground. Thankfully, nopony was around to hear the flustered chef lose his temper right there.





"I will admit, I left out of anger and frustration," Jack Pot tells his human interviewer. "When I came on to Burger Princess shack, I made a deal with my staff that I would stay. I will really try my best to keep my word. Even though it might be difficult to do so."





A few minutes was all Jack Pot needed to cool down before he decided that he could go back inside and get back to work on the double. His staff was a little on edge from his presence but after a calm discussion and a quick meeting, he assured them that he was thinking clearly. He carried on with Gordon Ramsay's order, hoping that something else on the restaurant's menu would be to the human's liking. 

It took longer than they thought, but they finally managed to finish Gordon's hay burger. They quickly brought it out to him for the human to hopefully enjoy. Iris was the one once again to deliver the concoction to the table.

"Finally jeez. I was starting to worry about what was going on back there," Twilight stated sternly. "That took what? an hour to get done?"

"I can guess a few things, but I'd rather see how this burger compares to the ones we had before," Gordon replied.

The first thing Gordon and Twilight noticed about their "award-winning" hay burger was the patty's immense size. Gordon for the life of him could not figure out how he was going to pick it up, let alone eat it. He tried his best to pick it up, but started laughing when he couldnt find a good place to bite down. As he kept turning the burger around to get a better starting point, he laughed even harder when he couldnt find a small enough bite to fit into his mouth.

"Come on! Seriously?" Twilight asked herself in disbelief. "Even I would have a hard time biting into THAT!"

"Usually burgers like this are sold at specialty restaurants that are known for these types of stunts. This is Kitchen Nightmares, not Man vs Food!" Gordon laughed ironically.

Gordon tried a different strategy as he grabbed a fork and knife and started cutting the burger in half.

"Forty bits for a hayburger," Twilight winced. "You should at the very least expect a decent bun. Who is going to pay for these anyway?"

"I believe Luna said she was going to pay for all our expenses in Equestria. She seemed awfully happy to do it too," Gordon shrugged.

Gordon opened up the burger to show the innards of it to the camera for the people back on Earth. Cutting a small piece of the patty with his knife, he took a small nibble and did not like what he tasted. He gave a piece of the burger to Twilight to let her taste it as well.

"Its just so bland! Greasy, and its overcooked 50 degrees more than it should have been," Twilight whined. "The texture of the hay is wrong too. I've gotten their burgers down to a science."

When Gordon put his utensils down, Iris walked over tiredly and took their plates for them.

"That is just dreadful." Gordon stated.

"What happened here?" Twilight asked no one in particular. "This isnt the Burger Princess Shack I know!"

"Very sorry about that," Iris apologized.

"Not your fault," Gordon replied to the waitress.

As Iris went back into the kitchen to throw the food away, Red Skillet just stood there by the bar with a stunned look on his face.





"I was shocked, embarrassed and quite hurt," Red said. "No point in crying though, I have the highest of hopes that he will love my Clawstralian Meat Pie. It is probably one of the most different things here. Meat Pies are a staple in Clawstralia which is filled with Griffons, Wyverns, and Opal Dogs. All omnivorous like the chef. The Opal Dogs are an off shoot of the Diamond Dogs here in Equestria but they are much more friendly to the colonists there than the Diamond Dogs are here. I am certain this time that he will love it!"





"One Meat Pie up!" Jack Pot called from the kitchen as he placed the dish on the serving line and tapped a bell with his hoof.

"Chef Ramsay's food! Good!" Red Skillet exclaimed.

"Don't hold your breath Skillet. He aint gonna like it." Jack Pot jeered at the older pony.

Red only glared angrily at the head chef who laughed back at him at his expense and went back to his work.

Iris brought Gordon's next meal out and sat the plate down on the table.

"Here you go chef, our Clawstralian Meat Pie. I hope this is more to your liking"

Twilight looked at the dish with the same apprehensive look that Gordon was giving it. It was a rather small little pastry, barely the size of what classified in Ponyville as a pie. Twilight had a bad feeling that even Pinkie herself was going to sense such a minuscule serving.

On the other side of town, Pinkie started to randomly growl at everything and nothing behind the counter at the bakery.

"Somepony is giving Gordy a bad pie!" she shrieked to the confusion of her customers.

The pie itself if Gordon could call it that was more lightly colored than it should have been for something that was supposed to be cooked all the way. It was sprinkled with small flakes of parsley which did nothing to add to Gordon's confidence.

"I'm not much of a meat eater, but I hope you like it?" Twilight offered.

"Well, let's see. Time for a trip Down Under," Gordon said sarcastically.

He cut into the pie which fell apart almost instantly. It was filled with ground beef, carrots, and pathetic little pieces of wilted spinach. The consistency of the filling was rather gross and he didnt want to taste it. Reluctantly, he scooped up a small bit with his fork and ate it. Salty, slimy, and under cooked textures and flavors assaulted his senses.

"Another disgusting mess," Gordon groaned as he wiped his mouth clean with his cloth napkin. "This dinky little pie here can fuck off back to whatever country it came from. Got a raw, doughy pastry on top and a soggy gooey thing on the bottom."

"I'll take your word for it, since again, I don't really eat meat," Twilight replied sheepishly.

"I'll make you an omnivore yet Miss Sparkle," Gordon said mischievously. "I know the head chef at the hotel you stayed at back in Vegas. You tried to eat the lasagna didnt you?"

"How did you--you know what? Nevermind. Yes, I did and it was definitely a...new experience for me. I just figured that if I'm going to be living in a world of omnivores every so often, I need to rediscover my ancient omnivorous routes."

Gordon laughed when Twilight tried to obscure her voice with a napkin while saying all of this.

"Maybe I'll invite you to a Barbecue joint next time we head back to Earth,"Gordon chuckled.

"Without puking my guts out? That's gonna be hard Scottish boy," the alicorn teased back.

"For now, better me than you," Gordon laughed.

Red Skillet and his wife Tulip were not happy at the fact that Gordon and Twilight have hated everything they have been served thus far. 





"I believe Jack Pot is not good enough to handle our menu. He's not a head chef as he claims to be. He's a pastry chef unworthy of our restaurant."





Gordon called Red and Tulip out to have a word with him so he could get started on the next step of his process. Twilight stood right beside him the whole time, continuing to make mental notes just as she has been on the last two nightmares.

"Wow, that was quite the eye opener, I have to say," Gordon stated grimly. "Let's meet the team then shall we?"

Red called Chef Jack Pot and the rest of his staff out of the kitchen where they each got a turn shaking hooves with Gordon until he got to the head chef himself. Red Skillet and his wife Tulip sat down behind the bar counter, each drinking a cup of coffee to wake their senses. Jack Pot's white uniform was grimy and dirty, presumably from years of use. Twilight noticed that most of the kitchen staff seemed to be dressed rather poorly, mostly with old and tattered uniforms that should have been thrown out months ago. Jack Pot extended his hoof and shook Gordon's hand vigorously. Then they all took turns greeting Twilight until they went down to business.

"Pleasure to meet you . I'm Jack Pot."

"Like the Las Pegasus magician?" Twilight asked dryly.

"No relation, Your Highness."

"Well, you certainly didn't work any magic today, I'll give you that." Twilight snapped.

Gordon almost laughed at how much Twilight was starting to sound like himself. 

To lighten the mood, Jack Pot introduced his sous chef Bell Pepper. A diminutive green colored earth pony with a dirty grey mane who looked like he was screaming for help behind a fake smile.

"Let's get down to brass tacks here Jack, as they say it in America. All our food was fucking grotesque." Gordon said bluntly. "Everything Twilight and I have tasted here has been nasty, awful, and disgustingly bland. Do you cook any of that?"

"I partially help cook everything, yes chef," Jack Pot said as the blood drained from his face.

"And you can't work your magic on a burger? Seriously?"

"A burger that I used to love coming here to eat!" Twilight exclaimed. "When I first became Princess of Ponyville, I was so busy didn't have much time to cook food for myself, so I came here. I instantly fell in love with your hay burgers. Maybe a little too much of a love for them, but still. They provided me with a bit of an escape from the daily grind of my duties. What happened here?"

"And that is one of the core issues I am trying to work out here," Gordon added. "You are PAID, as an executive chef. Wow!"

Jack Pot just smiled tiredly back at the human, who was not amused in the slightest with his attitude.

"What's funny now? Is this a massage for your over inflated ego or something?"

When Tulip smiled victoriously at how Jack Pot was being unloaded on, a glare from Twilight sent her back into a more appropriate demeanor.

"No chef, this has just become too much for me working here. I follow the recipes as I am told by these brick headed owners and if I try to change the recipes I am tossed out of here!" Jack Pot complained.

"What?"

"Not quite true chef." Red Skillet replied.

"Not true? REALLY? You've been freaking drinking again."

"Drinking again?" Twilight wondered aloud.

"My husband does go behind the counter on OCCASION, and fixes himself a small drink. But he's not an alcoholic like the chef here is implying." Tulip insisted.

"I cant seem to get the truth out of anybody here!" Jack Pot exclaimed.

"Explain all this to me Tulip," Twilight asked. "What happened here?"

"Jack Pot has a lot of control in the kitchen--" she started.

"That is a lie your majesty," the chef butted in.

"What about the mushrooms when you changed the whole recipe around and you added wine?"

Jack Pot seemed to be getting more angry just standing within a few feet of the mare.

"You told me you wanted just salt on the mushrooms knowing that particular species of mushroom needs stronger ingredients to get rid of the pungent taste! Let's tell the truth!"

"I will ask again, did you add wine to the mushrooms?!"

"That is how you make sauteed mushrooms!" Jack Pot jabbed back. "So you can shut the hell up, I did add some hay wine to the mushrooms!"

"Are they getting into an argument about mushrooms?" Twilight asked her human friend in disbelief.

"People argue over fucking more stupid things than that in my line of work." Gordon replied.

"You didn't tell anyone that you added hay wine to the mushrooms!"

"Honey, you are missing the point! You are focusing on a bloody bucking mushroom!" Red Skillet added.

"Mushrooms are important to me, I'm from Poneland."

"I think the crux of the problem is instead of downing coffee, you should be downing some sedatives darlin," Jack Pot spat angrily at the mare.

Twilight gave Gordon a dumbfounded look as they continued to watch the chef and Tulip constantly snap at each other with passive aggressiveness.

"Jack Pot, I just want the truth from you, is that so much to ask?" Tulip inquired.

"That's what I have been telling you! EVERY DAY! You just dont want to listen to the truth from me. Here's the truth right now, I'd rather work as a royal guard on the Arctic border of the Unknown Lands than be here with you running this restaurant."

The duo could tell that there were some very deep seated issues between Jack Pot and the owners of the restaurant. Twilight herself was about to step in to defuse the situation if it got any worse.

"Tulip, let's get to where things really are here. The Princess here needs to know. You treat us all like stupid children! The way you manipulate everyone with that sad sorry sob attitude of yours. How we have to get groceries for this stupid restaurant of yours. Where's my money for the groceries? The money you owe ME! I haven't been paid in over a month!"

With that last statement, Jack Pot stomped the ground so hard that some of the bottles behind the counter at the bar were knocked down and hit the floor with a shatter.

"Now first of all," Tulip started. "My son Ayers was wired the money--"

"I'd say he was a bit more than wired, I'll tell you that much. I come in here, I work, I open the place, I work my flank off, and I dont get paid. Where are my bucking bits?"

Tulip giving the Chef a death glare, stormed off somewhere into a back room while the others continued their serious discussion.

"Why isn't he getting paid? I don't exactly condone long time unpaid manual labor. Mostly because its a tiny little outlawed thing we civilized ponies have called slavery in most places!" Twilight exclaimed angrily.

"Chef Jack Pot has been working in the spirit of eventually getting his next payment of bits."

"In the spirit of eventually getting paid? Do you have any idea how fucking horrible that sounds?" Gordon asked. "This whole thing is insane!"

"Where did Tulip go off to?" Twilight asks in a tired tone all of a sudden. 

"Probably to go get me a payment that isnt there." Jack Pot shrugged.

Red Skillet had to go into the back room where his wife was hiding to get her to calm down before she was able to come back outside. 

"I feel like we are just stuck in the looping land of upside down. So much bull shit is being thrown around from all sides that I can hardly think!" Gordon screamed. "Your chef is telling me that not only is he forced to follow your crummy recipes, he isnt paid for jack shit in this place!"

Twilight was getting very tired of the constant back and forth yelling between everyone and had already concocted a simple solution to their current problems.

"Instead of continuing to scream at each other, why don't we see if Chef Jack Pot can make something delicious independently from the recipes of the restaurant?" Twilight suggested to Gordon.

"A sound idea my darling. Uhhhh, you wouldn't happen to have some spare pocket change on you would ya?"

Twilight smiled and rolled her eyes as she pulled a sack of bits with her from her side satchel that Rarity had lent to her. She grasped Jack Pot's hoof with her magic and plopped the sack into his outstretched hoof.

"Go out there, get some hay pate, and cook us some hay burgers! And make them good like the way I used to love them!" Twilight snapped. 

When Jack Pot sat there stunned, looking between her and the sack of bits in his hoof for a solid minute, Twilight zapped Jack Pot and his sous chef on the flanks, which scared them out the doors of the restaurant and on to their assignment. Twilight sped over to the doors and screamed at the two in a goofy rage.

"AND DONT COME BACK UNTIL I GET MY BURGERS!"

The alicorn walked back to Gordon with a much calmer disposition. Unfortunately for her, the human couldnt stop staring at her like she had grown another pair of legs on her forehead. Twilight laughed nervously at the human, realizing the way she was acting.

"What the hell was that? Since when did you scream obsessively like me over fucking burgers?" 

"Princess Celestia and I have some slight obsessions over specific food items. Mine just happens to be hay burgers."

"More than a slight obsession there darling."

Afterwards, they silently left the restaurant together to go to their next objective on their third Kitchen Nightmare in Equestria.





"Tulip and Chef Jack Pot do not treat each other very nicely. Jack Pot is a very opinionated pony with a bit of a temper and that's something that my wife just hasnt been able to handle very well." Red Skillet explained nervously.





When Twilight and Gordon left the building, Red Skillet and Tulip started shouting at each other, unaware that the cameras set up in their restaurant were still recording everything going on. Some of Gordon's production team had left behind small microphones hidden all over the building as well to get the clearest quality audio for the show.

"What in Tartarus was that all about huh? I try my best to work everyday as hard as I can and this is what I get for it?!" Tulip violently snapped at Red. "You just sat there like a bucking deer while that Chef of yours attacked me! You didn't even have the balls to stand up for your wife!"

Tulip then started stomping off as Red Skillet vainly tried calling after her.

"I am doing my best to stand up for you, but its a little hard when everyone is screaming at each other!"

After leaving the restaurant, the duo decided their next course of action would be to find the location of Ayers Gold. The son of Red Skillet and Tulip. Twilight led Gordon to Ponyville Town Hall in the center of the city where business was starting to pick up. 

It was around noon time and Ponyville Square was bustling. The Farmer's Market and Traveling Vendor Fair was in town again, drawing in ponies from neighboring villages to buy their wares. Gordon's presence in Ponyville was still something of an oddity, but thankfully most of the locals were used to the human at this point. Town Hall was brimming with activity from out of town politicians paying a visit. Twilight knew she would have to stay out of their sight as much as she could. Being the newest princess, the alicorn figured many politicians would consider her ripe for influencing. It was an unfortunate drawback to having both a horn and a pair of wings on her back.

Ducking into the building, Gordon helped Twilight sneak around towards the Citizen's Registry Office where every pony's general and personal information is stored. The human declined rather vehemently when she tried to get him into a skin tight black suit. Most of the ponies working there were too busy with mounds of paperwork to notice them, some being at least ten feet high. The occasional tourist from Manehatten would almost detect their presence, but Twilight found plenty of obstructions in the form of trash cans and cardboard boxes. 

Mayor Mare was at the far end of the building where she was busy dealing with town council ponies from Las Pegasus and Dodge City. Gordon was afraid at first that he might be getting an earful from the overzealous white maned mare, but thankfully seemed to be thoroughly occupied.

They went down the left hallway of the building and stopped at the first door on their right. The way to the registry office was blocked by a rather thick wooden door reinforced with a number of metal plates, latches, and locks. 

"What the hell?" Gordon asked quietly. "You said that this was a public access building, why are there so many of these fucking huge doors in here?"

"My fault really." Twilight admitted. "Villains as of late have been taking ponies' personal information a little too easily. One of my first mandates as princess was to install security for record places like this."

"Massive wooden doors are part of that?" Gordon asked further.

"Clawstralian Buloke wood doors. One of the strongest woods here on Equis. And one of Clawstralia's biggest imports here in Equestria. Even Applejack would hurt herself trying to break this wood. The locks are crafted with titanium which we've only recently discovered in Equestria. So the locks cant just be broken easily."

Twilight knocked a couple of times on the massive security door, hoping that any pony on the other side would hear her.

"Who is it?" a female voice inside called out.

"This is Twilight Sparkle! I would like to find some pony's personal information." Twilight called back through the door.

There was a pause before she could hear a mocking laughter which sounded patronizing.

"Oh sure, and I'm Princess Cadance," the mare inside said sarcastically. "Go away before I call the guards, I'm busy!"

Twilight tried to convince the mare, but she wasnt having any of it. After a few minutes of shouting, Twilight gave up and slumped against the wall. 

"Ugh, I know I'm strong enough to break this door down with a spell, but I'd risk destroying the whole building if I tried," Twilight groaned. "And only the Mayor has access to the keys around here. She's a little preoccupied right now and I don't think you want to deal with her frisky attitude towards you right now."

"How are we gonna find Ayers house?" Gordon asked seriously. 

As if their prayers had been answered, Pinkie Pie came down the hallway and noticed the duo instantly. With a big stretchy smile, she dashed over to the duo to say hi.

"Hey there silly willys! What brings you two here?" she asked cheerfully.

"Oh hi Pinkie," Twilight groaned. "We're just trying to find somepony so Gordon can get some information for his show, but we cant get into the records office here. What are you doing here?"

"I come in here every Tuesday to send letters to friends in Vanhoover. I can help though! I know where everyone lives in Ponyville! Who are you looking for?"

"Man by the name of Ayers Gold. Strange name but all the names here in Equestria are strange for me." Gordon stated.

"Ayers, Ayers, oh yeah!" Pinkie cried. "They live in the new Sunset Apple Apartment Complex on Cherry Top Road. I can take you there!"

Gordon and Twilight couldn't process properly what was happening as they felt themselves being grabbed by Pinkie with each hoof and then dashing out of the building at light speed.

"YOINK!"

In an instant, the duo found themselves across town with no reasonable explanation as to how they got there. They were standing on the street in front of a line of apartment complexes fenced off by a low gate that divided the property from the side walk. Pinkie then pulled out a fruit basket from her mane and handed it off to Gordon who took it while still desperately trying to process what he had just gone through.

"Here's a hello gift from me to them. Sorry Twilight, I can't stay. Gotta get back to my shift at the bakery! BYEEEEE!" Pinkie shrieked as she dashed off somewhere.

Silence greeted the duo, allowing them and their brains to come back to reality for a moment before Pinkie dashed back into their faces.

"Oh, and by the way, their apartment is 5A. Bye again!"

Pinkie dashed away again, leaving the duo alone in front of the main gate.

"That was something." Gordon stated.

"I'm almost unfazed by anything she does at this point. Just almost though," Twilight replied.

Looking around the building, they soon find Ayers apartment and knocked on the door to announce themselves. A few minutes passed until they were greeted by a tiny little orange pegasus mare who seemed to be glad to see them. With Twilight there, she couldnt stop apologizing for the state of their apartment which was filled with all manner of unorganized furniture and objects. After hearing about the ruckus at Burger Princess Shack, the mare, aptly named Clementine had a feeling that they would be visiting very soon. Ayers himself came out of one of the rooms and greeted Twilight and Gordon with a great deal of respect. He was a dark yellow unicorn with a shaved head, a blonde tail, and tired green eyes poking out from behind a pair of narrow glasses.

"A pleasure to meet the two of you," Ayers greeted tiredly. "The Princess and Equestria's first human celebrity."

"We are just here as guests, trying to solve a problem." Twilight replied. "A problem that has spread all over Equestria to other businesses, but for now we'll just focus on your business."

"How long have you lived here in Ponyville?" Gordon inquired.

"A bit over a year now. We lived in Las Pegasus for a few years before moving here. Heard this town was growing, especially with the newest princess. So we figured moving to Ponyville would give us some new opportunities. New though, obviously meant bad for us in the end."

"Is Clementine your marefriend?" Twilight asked.

"Yes I am, and happily," the orange pegasus said nuzzling Ayers. "I mostly work the restaurant at night when "you know who" isnt there."

"Sit down, let's talk about that."





"There was a nasty fall out between Clementine and my family." Ayers explained to his interviewer. "They dont respect her or treat her very well and I have no idea why."





Twilight sat down in a loveseat next Gordon while Ayers and Clementine sat down together on their sofa. Clementine held Ayers tightly as they recounted their experiences thus far with the restaurant.

"So how did this whole thing start?" Twilight asked.

"Take us back to the beginning. When you invested in the restaurant. Unknown to you." Gordon continued.

Clementine laughed ironically and switched to a tired angry face.

"At least somepony in this town is getting that right," she said.

"I'm assuming you didnt take that very well," Twilight asked.

"Yes your highness, I will admit I got pretty angry when that happened." Ayers replied. "It was in a trust account, that my father had access too. In all his wisdom and idiocy, he finds ways to manipulate things to his own benefit. He said, "Why dont we try to open up a restaurant in Ponyville? I said, all we know about cooking was a little carrot dog cart back in Clawstralia filled with carrot dogs that were premade and delivered to us. So let's not do that."

"They knew absolutely nothing about how to run a restaurant, and yet they did it anyway." Clementine added.

"I'm afraid to even ask, but how much did he take out of your account?" Twilight asked nervously.

"250,000 opals. Each of which are worth 100 bits here in Equestria." Ayers growled.

The room went completely silent as Gordon and Twilight looked at each other, quickly doing the math as to the exact amount of the money he inherited.

"Your father stole the equivalent of 25 million bits from you?" Twilight asked taken aback. "If each of you were supposed to get 500,000 opals, that means all together, you were inheriting 100 million bits in opals!"

"And he took half of your share away? That's ridiculous! It's your money!" Gordon exclaimed.

The lavender alicorn immediately knew something was up. No family of food vendors or cooks just so happened to be carrying a 100 million bits around with them. Not unless they had some deep connections. She needed to delve deeper to investigate if Ayers family was involved in any criminal activity and who among them was involved in the coup in Clawstralia years ago.





"He is so thick that he didnt get that I would obviously hate it. When I asked him why he did that, he said that he thought that I would love the idea," Ayers explained.





"What was your grandfather's job over there Ayers?" Twilight asked apprehensively. "What was his occupation?

"Honestly, I'm not even certain. Dad said once that he worked with him as partners in a major cargo distribution line but he never elaborated on that. I often suspected he was involved in the government there though. I often heard him arguing with someone from the Governor's office but he kept all his doors locked."

Twilight had a thought starting to grow in the back of her mind as she put her hoof up to her chin but dismissed the thought for now until she had concrete information.

"In light of that, how is your relationship with your parents now?" Twilight inquired. 

Ayers took off his glasses and put them on the coffee table as he slumped down.

"Not good, your highness. We haven't made any decisions together since before we moved to Equestria. He still treats me like a foal and it got worse when he just so happened to hire a couple of good chefs that got him some local fame for awhile."

"They were so mean spirited about it when they rubbed it in his face," Clementine continued. "Then when things started going downhill there, he keeps trying to come over here and steal more of my Ayers' money!"

Twilight smiled at the fact that at the very least it seemed like Ayers had a loyal marefriend to support him in all of this.

"He started changing the menus too often without telling anyone, which was only one of the many problems." Ayers stated. "Over 40 different menu changes, all of them exceedingly different which confused every single customer that came into the restaurant. On top of all that, I can't get on to the books, I'm not on any of the records of the restaurant, I've asked him numerous times."

Ayers got up, went over to a dresser and pulled out a small piece of paper which he presented to Gordon and Twilight. The duo could tell that he was on the verge of tears as he gave them the paper.

"This is the only proof I have that I'm involved with the restaurant at all. It doesnt mean anything! I dont even get any benefits from it!" 

Twilight examined the document closely. It seemed to be a certificate of ownership at first glance, but there were many legal things wrong with it. It had not been notarized, the emblems of authentication were missing, and the stamp of approval from the mayor's office was faked. 

"That is nothing!" he yelled with pure despair and sadness in his voice. "That's just a piece of toilet paper!"

To punctuate his point, Ayers yanked the "certificate" out of Twilight's magical grasp and ripped it into shreds.

"I thought that it was going to be bad, but I didnt think it was going to get this bad." Gordon said.

"I just...I don't trust my father anymore. Its taken me a while to come to grips with that." Ayers said with his voice breaking. 

He tried to continue talking but he just sat there staring into his hooves like he had blood on them. It was sad to see anypony like this and Twilight couldnt help but feel angry for Ayers sake.

"Its just hard to see this happen. See the love of my life get beaten down so much that the fight isnt there anymore." Clementine cried.

She went up to Ayers and hugged him tightly, trying her best to cheer him up.

"I think we now have a good amount of insight as to what is going on here." Twilight stated. "Gordon, may I speak to you outside for a moment?"

Gordon raised an eyebrow at her, but complied when she gave him an urging gesture outside. They quickly excused themselves and went right outside their apartment to talk.

"Something the matter Twilight?" Gordon asked curiously.

"Nobody just owns a billion bits of opals in their possession. Its obvious that Red Skillet wasnt telling us something about his father." Twilight replied.

"Yeah, I caught that as well. Perhaps we can do some digging around his personal affects when we head back to the restaurant. I've dealt with a few dangerous things like this before, so let's just tread carefully alright? I'd prefer to get the whole story before we go in guns a blazing."

"Agreed."

Going back inside, they told them to run the restaurant normally for their dinner service and pretend that they arent there. Twilight decided to head over to Sweet Apple Acres to invite Applejack to the dinner service while Gordon would watch over how the staff worked all together. Meanwhile though, Gordon walked back to Burger Princess to see how Chef Jack Pot's burger fared against the sub par burgers that came from Red Skillet's new recipes.

Jack Pot and his team ordered some of the most high quality ingredients that they could find and dashed around the kitchen for an hour, preparing the best hay burger that they ever could make. For the first time in a few years, Chef Jack Pot was finally using his own recipe that he was proud of.





"This time, I am mixing and seasoning the burger our way. Food is a very important factor in my life. Its my passion. I thank Lady Pinkie Pie for showing it to me." Jack Pot stated confidently. "When I make this burger, I want it to be a great hayburger and it will be our creation. Not whatever witch craft Red and Tulip mix up in here."





Jack Pot's blood started to boil as Red came hobbling into the kitchen and pulling out two of his patties, seasoning it with random spices from around the kitchen without any rhyme or reason. He grilled them alone in the corner while all the kitchen staff were slaving away on Gordon's hayburger.





"I actually have a brain stem hidden under this thick skull here," Jack Pot scoffed. "I'm smart enough to listen to Gordon when he tells me that he wants a hayburger that's fresh and juicy. The last thing he and the princess wants is a damn frozen patty with out of date spices!"





His sous chefs finally finished the burger as they carefully assembled it all together, being careful as to watch the placement of each component. They scrambled to get ready and place the burger on a plate with a piece of honeydew when Gordon entered back into the restaurant. Red Skillet plopped his cheeseburgers onto a plate and rushed out to meet Gordon and Twilight first as he placed them down on a table that Tulip was sitting at. Jack Pot and the rest of his staff followed behind with their perfected burger as their faces flushed at what Red Skillet was pulling.

"Hello again, I'm here for lunch" Gordon greeted.

Twilight's stomach growled loudly as she gained a crazy look in her eye after smelling the hayburgers that they were making. 

"I just made two burger patties for you chef and for her majesty." Red said. "My own ingredients."

"Your own ingredients?"

Gordon could tell what kind of harebrained stunt that Red was pulling on his kitchen staff but he decided to humor him anyway and see what the middle aged pony had up his sleeve. He didnt have much faith as all it was was a tiny patty covered in cheese sitting in a puddle of grease on the plate it was served on.

"Would you like to try it?" Red asked. "People have called me a hay patty sculptor or a burger artist. A lot of different celebrities like yourself have tasted my different patties and said that they were fantastic. I hope you are the same."

"A lot of bold claims after another. Let's just take a look shall we?" Gordon replied annoyed.

Gordon sat down with Red and Tulip as he grabbed a fork and knife and began sawing off small pieces of their burger. He tried asking what ingredients they put into the burger, but they refused to answer him.

"Just fucking tell me what is in the burger. Is that so hard?"

"Its our Wag-ewe hayburger mix but with my own blend of spices. I left it bare cause normally I personally dont like a bun."

"Well it was supposed to be for me wasnt it? Why place your own preferences on the burger?" Gordon inquired.

Red didnt answer the question as he sat down at Gordon's table and moved around uncomfortably.





"The last thing Red Skillet could ever be is a patty expert." Jack Pot shouted. "He doesnt know a thing about hayburgers. Without me, he would have been in the outhouse a long time ago. All he knows how to do is sit in his office like a fat tub of lard and change menus five times a week. That's what he does!"





Gordon kept a neutral face as he chewed each piece of the burger while Red and Tulip looked at him expectantly. Twilight picked up her own patty with her magic and slipped the entire thing into her mouth with one bite. She chewed down on the burger, confused by the tastes that were dancing on her taste buds.

"You made this?" Gordon asked seriously.

"Its amazing isnt it?" Tulip asked with a bit smile.

"Not really," Twilight replied. "It tastes like a piece of rubber."

Gordon laughed and pushed the plate with his unfinished burger over to them.

"I have to agree with my friend here. That is hideous." he snapped. "At least its seasoned! This burger that Jack Pot is treating like a newborn baby over here is the one that I'm dying for."

Jack Pot gained a triumphant face as he watched his employers squirm in their seats, relishing every moment of their despair.

Jack Pot and his team carefully walked over and placed the plate on the table in front of Gordon. The human chef was already liking what he was seeing. The burger that he made resembled one of his own back on Earth. Perfect ratio of toppings, veggies, and patty thickness, a nicely colored bun, a drizzle of dipping sauce that encircled the burger like a halo. It was all held together by a specialty red colored toothpick that stuck out the top. Gordon appreciated the addition of a nice slice of honeydew melon on the side to cleanse his palate. Twilight was desperately trying her best to contain her obsessive attitude towards hay burgers. Though she knew she couldnt hold back her desires for long.

"The presentation is great! I always urge any of my students that food is also a visual art as well as entertainment for your mouth. A perfect blend of unique colors, scents, smells, and tastes, which you seem to have accomplished here!" Gordon congratulated.

"Thank you chef," Jack Pot replied as he calmly took in the praise.

"Explain your recipe, please."

"We used a smoked Gouda with a sun dried tomato, an arugula spring mix, a garlic mustard aioli  and a jumbo pickle made in house."

"I'll tell you, what I ate a few hours ago, this looks night and day." 

"As long as that cheese isnt too gooey, I'll be fine with it," Twilight said laughed nervously.

"Oh yeah, I heard about your fear of cheese." Gordon giggled at the alicorn.

"Ah, Ah! distaste for gooey cheeses," she corrected. "I had a bad experience with an enchanted quesadilla. I still have the nightmares..."

"I gotta hear THAT story at one point."

Gordon cut the burger perfectly in half, first taking out the long toothpick which he deposited on to the table. Opening it up, he liked all of the fully cooked colors that he was seeing. Giving a quick whiff, he had a surprised look on his face.

"You try not to use meat a lot, I get that all part of the culture. But that smells wonderful! Its like a meat burger I would get back home! Let's see if it tastes as good as it smells."

Gordon picked up one of the halves and bit down into it, chewing slowly as to savor and detect every flavor placed into his food.

"That is bloody delicious!" Gordon exclaimed. "Temperature is perfect, and the roll has a really nice crispy toast to it. One of the keys to a good burger is a nicely toasted bun that holds everything together. It locks in all that moisture and juiciness from the patty." 

Gordon noticed Tulip and Red's sour and jealous looks as they watched what was happening.

"Perhaps you would like to have a taste?" Gordon offered as he handed the other half of the burger to Tulip.

"I'd love to," Tulip replied with a vague hint of spite.

Tulip grabbed a clean fork and knife and gingerly cut off a piece of the burger. Placing it into her mouth and chewing, Gordon and Jack Pot held in a laugh when she forcefully made herself cough uncomfortably.

"What is that strong taste that I'm tasting?" Tulip asked snootily. 

"Gouda cheese I believe he said?" Gordon repeated. "And its smoked."

"Yes chef," Jack Pot replied.

"Does that go through the patty? I taste something stronger in there like a dry aged spice or a different kind of hay. I do like my patties to have a little bit of redness, I am a medium rare mare."

"The problem is that burger isnt medium rare as it should be," Red added.

"It may be medium, but I'll tell you one thing, Its bloody damn juicy." Gordon bluntly replied. "That is delicious. I give that burger nine out of ten. Why don't you give it a bite Twilight?"

Twilight couldnt contain her temptation any longer and slammed her face down on Gordon's half of the burger, nearly breaking the table with her face. She ravenously devoured the half of the burger within seconds, not caring about Gordon who had just taken a bite from it. She made content moans of delight while she quickly chewed down and slowly swallowed, savoring every last taste.

"Fuck girl, calm down" Gordon cackled. "Its like you're a wolf disguised as a horse. I can tell you like this burger too at least."

"Yes mommy!" Twilight deliriously replied with ecstasy.

Jack Pot was hardly able to contain his joy at the praise from Equestria's newest celebrity chef and their newest princess. He had one of his sous chefs bring out the recipe and present it to Gordon who was thoroughly impressed with the composition.

"The Redeemer Burger. I love the name. You have certainly redeemed yourself here in my eyes. So why aren't you serving burgers like that anymore Red?" 

"I thought that my aunt's Wag-ewe mix was better." Red insisted.

"You have your priorities wrong here. Just because it has a lavish name like that, doesn't instantly mean its gonna make everything taste better. I've seen people botch recipes with the most expensive ingredients imaginable. It really does depend on how you use them. Its clear here that this particular mix wasnt used, nor even made the right way."

Twilight saw the opportunity to turn her attention to Jack Pot and start wailing on him.

"If you know that what you make is really good, and other people have told you that its good, why are you serving these patties?" Twilight asked honestly.

"Unfortunately my lady, they are the owners and they are the ones that always dictate whatever I make in the kitchen. If I try to suggest or even change anything or make any new recipes of my own, I get persecuted for it. Then I get threatened with a deduction on my pay."

"HE WANTS TO BLAME ME FOR EVERYTHING!" Tulip exclaimed. "I'm not that powerful here 
Your Majesty. I'm an old mare, I cant control what he does or says. How am I that powerful? Do you see a chef hat on me? Do you see me swirling the pans or making the patties or chopping the mushrooms or putting the salt on?"

Jack Pot could only smile and shake his head in disappointment as the mare continued to rant and rave excuses to the human Chef.

"What really frustrates me is we get served that mediocre crap and yet YOUR burger is seasoned beautifully. It has a nice cheese with a nice smokiness to it. Its absolutely delicious!" Gordon continued.

Tulip had enough of Jack Pot and his success with their guests, not being able to take the shame as she grabbed her purse and angrily walked out the front door.

"What the buck ever," Tulip blurted out. "I don't need to take any of this."

"Tulip? Tulip? Where do you think your going?" Gordon questioned forcefully.

Next: Burger Princess Shack Part 4