//------------------------------// // Chapter 5 // Story: Hope // by Portmeirion //------------------------------// Dear Diary, I tried to talk to Big Macintosh. I was so, so close to telling him how I felt, but…it was just so hard. It took me too long to work up the nerve, and then…well, something interrupted us and I just had to leave. But I’m okay now, I think. I have a new idea. I know Rarity said that things would work out best if I’m open and straightforward, but I think that may be a little too hard for me. If I could find something else to talk with him about, it would be easier. Something we both really care about. I know it’s been years, but do you remember those ‘My Little Platypus’ books? The ones I used to write about all the time, back before we came to Ponyville? I, um…I kind of still have them. I know I’ve never told you this before, but I still like to read them sometimes. And Rainbow Dash apparently thinks that Big Macintosh likes them, too. I think, maybe, if he really does, then this could be… Fluttershy’s thoughts wandered off into uncertainty, and she found that she could write no more, not even to complete the last sentence. She set her pen aside and heaved a long, deep sigh. Recalling Rainbow Dash’s suggestion darkened her mood. However good a plan it was, it was available to her only because her closest friend had, to some degree, betrayed her trust. Revealing so deep a secret, even to another close friend, seemed to Fluttershy like something the Element of Loyalty would never do. It bothered her mightily, and she wondered how she should greet Rainbow when next they met: should she be angry? Upset? Disappointed? Or should she say nothing of it at all, and be merely grateful that Dash hadn’t spilled any more of her secrets? All this worrying was wearying. She needed some rest. Pushing her diary aside for the moment Fluttershy turned herself around, resting her head on her pillow and sprawling her tired limbs out across the bed. The early-afternoon sun shone lazily through her window, lulling her into a sense of calm that drove all the day’s unpleasantness from her mind. A nice, long nap would probably work wonders for her troubled psyche. She’d likely feel much better when she awoke. Then she could get to work putting her new plan into action. Just as she was on the verge of drifting off to sleep, a sudden knock at the door caught Fluttershy’s attention. She sat up, instantly awake, and leapt from her bed, quickly making her way downstairs. Angel was already standing by the door, hopping up and down and pointing to indicate a visitor; she nodded at him in acknowledgement, and he hopped away and went about his business, whatever it was. Fluttershy seldom knew. Opening the door, she found herself staring into the eyes of the one pony she felt the least ready to see. “Uh…hey, Fluttershy. Mind if I come in?” Rainbow Dash stood in the doorway, awkwardly rocking back and forth on her legs. She wore a sheepish and rather nervous expression, and smiled uncomfortably at her friend. “Oh…yes, please come in, Rainbow,” Fluttershy answered, stepping back to allow the other pegasus entrance. Once inside, Rainbow glanced around, taking stock of Fluttershy’s home: it wasn’t often that she came around anymore. The shy yellow pegasus had been so reclusive in the last few weeks. It was almost odd being in her home again. She turned back around to face Fluttershy. Her eyes wandered, and she rubbed the back of her neck with a hoof. “Look, I, uh…I kinda wanted to apologize. I just talked to Pinkie, and she said she’d seen you, and she told you about…well, about what I told her.” Fluttershy stared back at Rainbow, her face inscrutable. “It’s…it’s okay, Rainbow Dash,” she said, softly and after a long silence. Her tone sounded quite insincere, even to her. “No, no it’s not,” Rainbow insisted. “I know I never actually promised not to tell anypony or anything, but I knew it was your secret and I…” She hung her head in shame. “…I should’ve respected it. Some Element of Loyalty I am.” Silence reigned once again, and this time for far longer. Rainbow Dash continued to stare at the floor and be stared at by Fluttershy. At last Dash spoke up again: “I just…well, after I talked to you yesterday, I wanted to find someplace else to nap…and there were some trees on the other end of Sweet Apple Acres that looked really comfy….” She looked back at Fluttershy, hoping for some manner of response; Fluttershy nodded for her continue. “So yeah, I ended up dozing off in a tree right over Big Mac’s head. I don’t think he noticed me at all, even after I woke up. He was just sitting there against the tree with one of those ‘My Little Platypus’ books in his hooves.” “Do you remember which one it was?” asked Fluttershy, and then immediately regretted doing so; it was beside the point, and what’s more, it exposed more of her inner ‘My Little Platypus’ geek than she was comfortable with. Dash didn’t seem to mind. “I don’t know, sorry. But whichever one it was, it had to have been funny. He was cracking up. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Big Mac laugh so much.” Fluttershy smiled a little, thinking of the sound of the stallion’s laughter: it was so hearty, and yet so gentle; so much like himself. Her face fell once again when she remembered the situation at hoof. Rainbow had yet to provide her with a satisfying excuse for what she’d done. After another short silence, Rainbow continued, a little more sheepishly than before: “So, um…I just, y’know, kinda thought it was funny, Big Mac liking ‘My Little Platypus’ and all, and I just wanted to tell somepony about it. I had to wait until he left, though – there was no way I could’ve flown off without him noticing me.” She sighed, as though the next portion of her story was harder to tell. It was. “While I was flying over to Sugarcube Corner – I thought Pinkie would get a real kick out of it – I started thinking about…well, about you, and what you’d told me earlier that day. And I wanted to help you.” “Help me?” “Yeah. Look, you know I don’t know anything about all that sappy-huggy-feely romance stuff. I just thought, ‘hey, if Fluttershy and Big Mac like the same books, maybe they could…I dunno, bond over it, or something.’ It made sense to me, but it sounded kinda dumb in my head, really. I wanted to get somepony else’s opinion and well, there was Pinkie. I left out the part about you liking Big Mac, but I told her everything else.” There was another brief pause before Rainbow began again. “I just thought, if he hadn’t gotten that book from you, where could he have gotten it? So I figured you’d let him borrow it, and so that’s what I told Pinkie.” She sighed. “I know, shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions like that. Hay, I shouldn’t have even said anything in the first place. It’s just that…I worry about you, ‘Shy.” Fluttershy’s eyes widened in surprise. “You…worry about me?” “Yeah, I do. I mean, it’s not that I don’t think you can take care of yourself – Celestia knows you can do that – but you spend so much time by yourself, you sometimes seem a little…I don’t know, lonely, I guess.” “Lonely?” Fluttershy echoed. “I don’t know, maybe,” Rainbow continued. “And it’s not just that. Sometimes you seem kind of unhappy, too, especially in the last couple of months. I was worried that you were getting so shy that you were eventually gonna hole up in your cottage and turn into some kind of crazy animal lady.” Fluttershy had to fight back an amused grin. Dash smiled a little bit herself, now realizing how silly her fear sounded. But her expression quickly sobered and she continued to speak: “So when I found out that you had a thing for Big Macintosh, I was…well, I know I didn’t really show it, but I was pretty excited. It seemed like just the kind of thing you needed. Something that would make you happy. That’s why I was so proud of you when you said you wanted to talk to Big Mac all by yourself. It showed me that you still felt like you could handle things yourself. But I still wanted to help, and I…I’m just sorry I goofed it up so badly.” Again Rainbow hung her head shamefully, unable to look her friend in the eye. “Fluttershy, I am so, so sorry. I should’ve asked you about it first. I should’ve – ” Dash’s apology was cut off when Fluttershy stepped forward and threw her forelegs around her in a tight hug. “Uh…‘Shy? What’s this for?” “For wanting to help me,” Fluttershy answered softly. “For caring.” “But…but I spilled your secret. I was an awful friend. I wasn’t…I wasn’t loyal….” “You’re a wonderful friend, Rainbow. And you were loyal enough to help me when I needed help, not just when I wanted it. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.” “Aww, Fluttershy,” Rainbow said with a warm smile. She returned the hug, and after some time the two parted. When they drew back, she noticed Fluttershy’s eyes glisten just a little, but she didn’t mention it. “So…what’re you gonna do now?” she asked, trying to inject some life back into the room. After so long a period of gooshiness, the restless pegasus felt the need to get the proverbial ball rolling again. “Well…I had a plan, sort of,” Fluttershy explained. “I was going to find Big Macintosh tomorrow, and just talk to him about…well, anything really. And I’d just kind of, I don’t know…drop a few ‘My Little Platypus’ references. Very subtle ones. Do you…do you think he’d get them? Oh dear, what if he doesn’t? Then I’d have to explain it, and it’d be so embarrassing….” “Hey hey hey, hold up there,” Rainbow interrupted, cutting off Fluttershy’s gloomy rambling before she had a chance to talk herself out of her plan. “That sounds like a decent enough plan to me. Just don’t lose sight of the goal, okay? At some point you’re gonna have to tell him how you feel about him.” “Oh – right, yes,” Fluttershy agreed. “But I think I’ll need some time to get ready. The last time I tried to talk to him…well, it didn’t work out very well. But this time will be different – I know it will.” She looked her friend in the eye and smiled softly. “Thank you, Rainbow Dash.” The other pegasus returned the smile. “Any time, ‘Shy.” With that, she said goodbye and made for the door. As soon as she was gone, Fluttershy returned to her bedroom: she had a diary entry that needed to be finished. No matter how many times Big Macintosh and Cheerilee ate lunch together as friends, the waiter would not stop treating them as though they were still a couple. He had led them to a nicely secluded table; brought out a set of “romantic” candles (which frankly looked rather ridiculous in the brightly-lit restaurant); and incessantly addressed the two as one: “And what can I get for the lovely couple? Would you two lovebirds care for an appetizer?” It was profoundly annoying, and more than a little embarrassing for both of them. At last he left them alone, having taken their orders. The moment he was out of earshot, the two ponies both released exasperated groans. “I thought he’d never leave,” said Cheerilee. “Why can’t he just leave us be?” Big Macintosh looked in the waiter’s direction; he had just stepped inside the kitchen. “I think,” he said in a low voice, “he was kind of sweet on you back before we started datin’. A lotta folks were. And they didn’t take too kindly to the way we went about breakin’ up, so nice and all, and with you sayin’ you didn’t need special somepony to be happy. Guess he’s just kinda resentful.” Cheerilee shook her head and laughed bitterly. “There are foals I teach who don’t act that childishly. It’s disappointing to see such immature behavior from a grown stallion.” “Some ponies I guess there just ain’t no reasonin’ with,” said Big Mac. “But you don’t need to let it get you down. This whole mess’ll blow over ‘fore too long.” “It seems to have blown over already, for the most part. There are just a few holdouts here and there. But you’re right: we don’t have to let it bother us.” “Nnnope,” agreed Big Mac. The sound of much indistinct grumbling came from the direction of the kitchen, followed by the waiter’s voice: “I know, right? They’re just here as ‘friends.’ Gahh!” Cheerilee raised an eyebrow. “The cook too, huh?” Big Mac nodded, a distinct look of exasperation falling across his face. “Like I said, there were a whole lotta folks that had their eye on you.” “Well, I’m glad you got to me first,” said Cheerilee, speaking over the cook’s angry (but still indistinct) ramblings. “I’d hate to have learned my lesson from one of them.” “Eeeyup,” agreed Big Mac once again. The two friends shared a pleasant laugh at the expense of the heartbroken café employees. Eventually their laughter died down, as did the noise from the kitchen. After a short, comfortable silence, Cheerilee spoke: “What about you, Big Mac?” “Um…what about me, Cheerilee?” “Are you happy by yourself? Without a special somepony, I mean?” “Sure,” he answered without hesitation. “It’s like I always said: it just gives me more time for my family, and for takin’ care of the farm. That’s just about all I’ve got time for, anyway.” “Really?” asked the teacher, raising an eyebrow in incredulity. “That’s all you’ve got time for? You haven’t picked up any hobbies since we broke up? Or maybe before we broke up?” “Uh….” For a short moment, Big Macintosh was at a loss for words. The way Cheerilee had worded her question…the tone of her voice…it almost sounded suspicious. Like she already knew the answer, but just wanted him to admit it to her. “Well…I’ve taken to readin’ a lot, lately. Nice way to unwind after a long day of applebuckin’.” Cheerilee smiled. She looked almost triumphant, like a predator in the midst of overcoming its prey. Big Mac started to sweat. Surely, she couldn’t know about…that, could she? He never got a chance to find out. A moment later, there was much commotion from the kitchen; then an ominous trail of black smoke began to pour out of it. The waiter emerged, his face red with rage and embarrassment, while the cook launched into an angry rant that could be heard throughout the restaurant. He seemed to be railing against the oven as though it had caught fire on purpose. He was hurling some rather vile insults at it, too. Cheerilee tried unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh. “I guess some ponies just shouldn’t be allowed to cook while they’re angry.” “Eeeyup.”