My whole life is just a bad dream. Just a dream that dragged on. A dream that never ends, a dream that has become a reality. And you want to run away from it, you want to escape, but you do not know how to do it. You're trying to find a way out, a cherished door back to another world, like Stephen king in his "Dark Tower". A world where you won't be so hurt. A world where you'll be like everyone else. You will have problems, like everyone else, but problems that you will overcome. Problems that will only make you stronger. It will not be a nightmare, it will be a real, bubbling life. A life that, strange as it may sound, is worth living for. It is necessary to do all the things that we usually do every day and not ask, at the same time, so pressing on the consciousness of the question: "Why do you need all this?".
Indeed, for what? What's the point? And whether there is it at all, this mysterious meaning that everyone is trying to find throughout life. Someone finds it, and someone does not find it. But, in fact, those who supposedly find meaning, do not actually find it, but stop searching.
After all, perhaps that was the point. The fact that he is not at all and you just need to let go and live? To live without asking such useless questions, like the proverbial for what all this is necessary? It is very likely that this is the case, although the true answer is probably not known by anyone.
My whole life is just a bad dream, an endless dream. How I long to Wake up and find that the reality is quite different, not so cold and gloomy. That it is a lot more bright colors and less strange questions. Fewer stupid questions, and the answer is universal, no matter how the question is posed.
As social critic Gershon Legman put it: "Make love, not war." Make love, not war. Is it possible to use this phrase as the universal answer to all stupid and strange questions? If that were so, then perhaps reality would indeed be much better, much more pleasant, at least for perception.
It would be as simple as writing on a piece of paper or typing in a text editor.
But the world is a complex thing, and there is no single answer. Everyone finds for himself the answer that appeals to him more than others and keeps only him.
I wander through the gray streets, passing hundreds and thousands of people I will never see again. A hard heart, thoughts in my head a lot, they are all different, but depressed, as black clouds hang over the other and capture the championship. Dark thoughts that make you think about them, no matter where you are and no matter what time of day. Morning, day, twilight, deep dark night.
Depression chases me at any time of the day, it does not need rest or sleep. But I need sleep, so she doesn't have much trouble catching up with me every time. I'm afraid she'll catch me one day and never let me go.
I walk into my room, the only place I go with joy. And maybe a movie theater, but I only go to it a couple of times a month, and home, it's always home.
On the bed pillows dakimakura with your favorite characters from the anime. I had to spend most of my salary on her, but I never regretted it. I'm just a graduate, still, in fact, a child. School takes a lot of time, and therefore have to be limited to not the highest paid part-time job. But I'm not complaining. I live with my parents, both of whom, fortunately, work and earn good money, so I don't need anything.
Above the bed hangs a poster with characters from the animated series "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic". Every time I look at him, I smile. Good thing it's hanging here. Without him it would be even sadder, and so he warms the soul just by his appearance. A flash of bright colors in the midst of the oppressive and monotonous grayness of this reality. How he stands out here.
The guitar I play is against the wall. Sometimes, playing the guitar allows you to forget about the problems and drive away all the negative thoughts. At least for a while to get rid of these oppressive black clouds in my head. Fortunately, I can. It is a pity that they do not go away forever and return every time. Such they stubborn and harmful.
Just recently learned 'I See Fire' by Edd Sheeran. The song evokes sadness, but sadness is warm, nostalgic and pleasant. Not heavy and oppressive. Tears of memories of better times, when grayness wasn't so gray. When there were more sincere positive emotions. When there was more joy, more friends and more feelings. When the dark clouds overhead caused not anxiety and sadness, but a sense of expectation of a clear blue sky after a thunderstorm.
The bright past, the time when tears rolled from his eyes after received in school deuce or broken knee at football. After a fight with a friend or scolding from parents for coming home too late and all dirty. Not from a sense of depressive hopelessness.
On the desktop near the computer window. I turn on the computer, turn off the lights in the room. Dark outside, evening, after all. Clouds today, the whole day was decorated with a large part of the sky. I love a thunderstorm in early may, as Tyutchev wrote.
On the desktop, I am greeted by a frame from the cartoon 'Equestria Girls: Forgotten Friendship'. A photograph taken by the heroes at the end, when the spell of the Memory Stone fell. The characters smile at me from the screen, I smile back at them. Why this particular shot? Many people put on the Wallpaper pictures of friends, children, second half. I put a picture of the cartoon on the same principle. It may be strange, I admit, but it's nice.
I think to kill an evening watching a good movie. Today, my choice fell on guy Ritchie's crime Comedy "Rock 'n' roll." Judging by the reviews, a good film.
I've seen all of Richie's movies, I should appreciate this one.
I watched about half the movie. It was already quite late, parents peacefully slept. I decided to go get some chips. I paused the movie, took off his headphones, and headed straight for the kitchen.
I liked the film. A great crime Comedy in the spirit of Richie's early work. Much better than what the Brit has been filming lately. After all, the author's film is a real joy for any filmmaker, and I was a filmmaker with experience. From the age of twelve, almost six years.
Yes, this is one of the ways to escape from the painful reality. Like music, or full immersion, which I've been working hard on for the last couple of years. And if you manage to combine study and music – doubly wonderful. At such moments, the clouds above me almost dissolve. I'm writing the abstract, the speakers roaring guitar, you're not bad thoughts, my whole being occupied by another. Also with a good movie. Not for nothing did I write, in the beginning, that the cinema is the only place besides my room where I can feel really good.
Yes, the film I watched was good. Stylish, and this is probably its main plus.
I rummaged in the closet and, to my disappointment, found no bag of my favorite snacks. Yes, I have often been told that eating chips is harmful, especially eating them often, as I have done recently, but I can not restrain myself. There's too little joy in life anyway, so why limit yourself to anything, right? Or am I wrong? Yes, another interesting question, which in this world few people will give a definite answer. People will estimate all the pros and cons, add up, identify to which of the values, however, the result will be closer. And everyone will have their own result. Including me. I just enjoy what can deliver it to me. That's why depression hasn't killed me yet. Although, feel, in the last time she all closer to its black goal.
If death is what she is trying to do, then she is not trying in vain. So the work yields the fruits. It's wonderful when work isn't in vain, isn't it? Even if it is such a labor.
I went back to my little room to continue looking at the painting. Early for school tomorrow? Well, I don't think I care at the moment. No sleep? I don't care, to be honest, it's been a while since I got a good night's sleep. I don't remember what it was like. Is it even pleasant? Probably, Yes.
Could it be the dream? More healthy sleep means less depression and sadness. Sleep is the cure. I don't know if that's true or not. You can look at it from the point of view that in a dream you do not feel anything, especially when you sleep without any dreams, you fall into emptiness, as if you dissolve from this world. And, accordingly, the more you sleep, the less time you have for reflection and self-flagellation.
Yes, and this logic is the place to be. I haven't had another one lately. Had she ever been?
Just as I was about to continue watching, I felt the monitor begin to shake slightly. Earthquake? Really. We're all going to die, aren't we?
The monitor did shake on the table, and so did my supplies: the pencil case, the eyeglass case, the capodaster bouncing on the wooden surface like a bean on a hot frying pan.
The guitar also swayed. I rushed to her and laid her on the bed, so that the instrument would not fall and break, which is quite possible. Parents are asleep? Did the shaking wake them? Surprisingly. Don't they feel anything? Sleep that soundly? Or was I hallucinating? Yeah, with my lifestyle, maybe not. Although, something me in this is hard to believe. Kind of like the reason I have not damaged yet. Or was it a dream? A dream within a dream, different levels of the subconscious, like in Christopher Nolan's film "Inception."
No, my life, although it was very strange, but not fantastic. There was no place for that. Why else would I complain so much about the dullness of life? An earthquake, then. I hope so, and then go crazy once you really really don't want to.
I jumped back to my Desk, but didn't turn on the Desk lamp.
Suddenly, from the side of the door poured a strange greenish light. I turned to her and froze in astonishment. The cracks between the door and the wall, between the door and the floor, between the door and the ceiling – from them came a green light that grew brighter by the second. I would have screamed, but I was so shocked by what was happening that I could not even open my mouth.
Had I gone mad? Or is something supernatural happening before my eyes? Either way, it was incredible. Was it really happening, or was it just in my brain? Well, I'll find out soon enough. Yes, I'll find out what and how.
I remembered king's Dark Tower again. I felt like Eddie Dean. Eddie Dean was a twenty-year-old drug addict, to whom from another world, through the door on the beach, came the main character, the shooter Roland. Dean's whole world had turned upside down. Is my brain preparing to do the same somersault? Or it's much simpler: I Wake up.
Remember when I wrote that my life was a bad dream? Maybe now this dream will end and I will finally see the real world in which I live, and not this tasteless fake?
Whatever it was, my door swung open, slamming hard against the wall. And as she still with hinges not flew off? However, instead of the dark corridor of my apartment, I saw something absolutely incredible: white-green light, and nothing else. Not my apartment, not the darkness of the night. My whole room lit up with this strange light. I stared at it all, unable to move.
So many thoughts raced through my mind, but none of them I could not catch on properly. So that, all thought merged in any monotonous mass of, I was not in forces nor about than concrete to think. Apparently, the mind is deprived in this way. Or die. Or Wake up. Yeah, it's freaking weird.
I stared at that light for about half a minute, and then its center went dark. A silhouette appeared, a human figure. Arms, legs, head, torso. What's it? Aliens? Come to kidnap me?
I was suddenly very scared. And fear held me down, literally glued me to my chair. As soon as the door opened, my room stopped shaking, but I did not notice it immediately. I had no time for that at the moment.
The figure stood for five seconds, then took a step forward, then the second, and so the stranger entered my room.
Although the figure was dark against the background of what was behind her, I could see her. What was that behind his back? And then I realized that... Portal. Yeah yeah, like in movies and cartoons. Like Gravity Falls or Rick and Morty. Portal.
I saw who it was. Or rather, the one who came. For it was a girl. Girl with long tail (there is in view hairstyle, horse tail, not the tail, about which you could think), hair its were dark the blue, with dark violet and pink strands fall. She wore a white lab coat, like a doctor or a Professor, wide glasses, and, most surprisingly, the color of her skin. The girl was purple. It's crazy!
I couldn't help but recognize her. I have reviewed these cartoons so many times, I have so many pictures, arts with these characters. A picture on the desktop of my computer. I couldn't help but recognize her the second she stepped forward. The fear vanished instantly.
But how? As such, in principle, is possible. Did I end up in Pixels? What's going on?
Tears welled up in her eyes. I looked at her, and I looked at her, and I didn't understand how it happened. I was in complete shock.
Finally, she broke the silence.
"We're here for you," said Twilight Sparkle of the Equestria Girls. "Come with us."
The girl held out her hand. She spoke English. Fortunately, I knew the language perfectly, for I had studied it diligently since the age of eleven.
I got up and walked over to Twilight. At that moment I thought of nothing but her. She said, «We're here for you. Come with us.» Us? It turns out that Twilight is not one?
I held out my hand without thinking. She took my hand in hers, squeezed it, and pulled me with her into the portal. I followed her into this portal. Wherever he was, whatever was waiting for me there, I went. Follow her. Let him lead me wherever he pleases, I am ready for anything. Beside her. The main thing, next to Twilight Sparkle. Everything else, as James Hatfield sings, is irrelevant.
"I'll go with you..." I whispered, hot tears rolling down my cheeks. Tears of joy. Tears of real happiness. "Anywhere..."
That's how we entered into the portal. Into a mysterious portal that suddenly appeared in my room in the middle of the night. Everything was gone. Just a long white corridor. Just her.
I entered without fear and without doubt. And I left. He went down this long corridor. No matter where, she was there for me. Twilight Sparkle is around – nothing else matters.
Nothing else matters, as James Hatfield sings.