//------------------------------// // 14 – Sinking Into Routine // Story: Thicker Than Water // by Krickis //------------------------------// Chapter Fourteen Sinking Into Routine ⠀ ⠀ Maybe it was because she already missed Rarity, but Fluttershy found herself sleeping restlessly. They had parted the day before when the band had to go on to the next town and Rarity made her way to visit her friends and family in Everton, and she took that little sense of normalcy that she’d brought with her. Even if she didn’t have many nightmares with Sonata, sleep was still a fickle thing. Still, it was something Sonata could help with just by being there, so Fluttershy rolled over and reached out her hand to feel the other woman’s comforting presence. Her eyes only opened when she didn’t feel anyone in the bed beside her. Fluttershy looked around and was surprised to see Sonata sitting on the edge of the bed with her back to Fluttershy. “Sona?” Sonata turned around and smiled. “Hey, Shy.” She spoke softly, as if she Fluttershy were still asleep. “Did I wake you? I’m sorry.” “No, you didn’t.” Fluttershy patted the empty spot in the bed next to her. “Come back to bed.” Sonata shook her head. “I can’t sleep. I was kind of thinking of taking a bath.” “Oh. Okay.” Sonata crawled across the bed to get to Fluttershy, who smiled at her as they kissed. She looked away from Fluttershy after, speaking almost bashfully. “Uhm, would you like to join me?” It was strange to hear Sonata being shy about that. She had never once been shy about any of the things they had got up to in their hotel rooms, and Fluttershy couldn’t think of why a bath would be any different. Whatever the reason, though, Fluttershy thought it sounded nice. “Sure. I can’t really sleep either.” Fluttershy rose from the bed, then she followed Sonata to the bathroom. They were both naked from the night before, so there was no need for them to undress. Sonata ran the water and sat beside the tub while she waited for it to heat up. It didn’t take too long for the water to warm up, then Sonata plugged the drain and climbed into the tub. Fluttershy followed her, trying her best to get comfortable as the water filled it. It wasn’t a premium room with an extra large bathtub, and having two grown women in it made for a tight fit. They made the most of it, though. Fluttershy leaned back with her head resting against the wall and Sonata turned her back to Fluttershy and sat between her legs, leaning against her. Fluttershy put her arms around Sonata and decided it was comfortable enough after all. When the water rose nearly to the top of the tub, Sonata turned it off with her foot. It was soothingly warm, and Fluttershy liked being so close to Sonata. “This is nice.” “Yeah, it is,” Sonata said quietly. Although she could be shy around other people, one thing Sonata usually wasn’t was quiet. Fluttershy was starting to worry that something was wrong. It wasn’t too hard to guess what it might be. Sonata occasionally had anxiety attacks about being away from her visera. This would be a new way for her to react to it, but maybe she was getting more comfortable with Fluttershy and that was making her reaction smaller. Whatever the reason, Fluttershy just held her a little bit tighter. “I haven’t taken a bath in ages,” Fluttershy said, matching Sonata’s soft tone to try and be as soothing as possible. “I usually just take showers. It always seems like we’re in a hurry.” “It’s nice to slow down once and a while,” Sonata said. She combatted the idea that she might be upset by snuggling a little closer to Fluttershy and putting on a content smile. “I like baths. They calm me down when I’m upset.” “So there is something wrong.” Fluttershy frowned and stroked Sonata’s hair. “No.” Fluttershy wasn’t really sure if that was true or not, but she didn’t press it. “You know, I could buy bath bombs or bubble bath stuff if you want.” Although that seemed right up Sonata’s alley, she shook her head. “I just like clear water.” She slid down and dipped her head under the water, then stayed there for a few seconds before she rose and resumed her position. “I miss having gills.” “Oh. Did you have gills in Equestria?” “Yeah. We lived in the ocean.” Sonata stared ahead, making it hard for Fluttershy to get a good read on her expression. “I guess that makes sense. I remember during the Battle of the Bands when you three turned into… well, I don’t really know what it was.” “Sirens,” Sonata said. “That’s how we really look. Or how we looked back in Equestria, at least.” “I see. It must have been weird getting used to living on land.” Sonata lifted her hand and watched the way the water ran off of it. “I can barely even remember Equestria itself, but I remember the ocean. We all do.” Fluttershy finally thought she understood. “Baths remind you of the ocean?” “A little. Just… water in general, I guess.” Fluttershy nodded and stroked Sonata’s wet hair, finally seeing why Sonata had been acting different all morning. Sex wasn’t intimate to Sonata, but this was. She was sharing something deeply personal about herself with Fluttershy, and Fluttershy felt closer than ever because of it. They sat in quiet for a while. Fluttershy wasn’t sure if she should say something or not. Sonata hadn’t seemed opposed to the conversation, but now that she knew how special this was, Fluttershy wasn’t sure if speaking was the right thing to do. She was saved from making the decision by Sonata speaking instead. “I’m glad we’re friends.” Fluttershy smiled. “Me too. I… feel a lot better these days.” “Me too.” Sonata turned so she was more on her side, which let her put her arms around Fluttershy as well. “I’ve never had a friend like you.” Fluttershy knew it wasn’t what she meant, but since it was the only thing she could think to say, she said, “Well, most friends don’t exactly do things like take baths together. Or most of the other things we get up to, you know.” “I know. I’m glad we’re different.” “Yeah.” “Hmm.” Sonata looked up at Fluttershy and smiled. “The water’s getting cold though.” Fluttershy giggled. “You’re right. Want to get out?” “Okay.” Sonata sat up and pulled the plug from the drain, but she didn’t stand. Instead, she sat and watched the water drain. Unsure what to do, Fluttershy just waited with her. The air was cold on her wet skin, but she didn’t want to be the one to break the spell that the water had on Sonata. Only when the water was drained did they rise. Fluttershy got out of the tub first, handing a towel to Sonata before taking one for herself. She wasn’t too concerned about the fact that they hadn’t actually bothered to do any cleaning up during their bath. It had clearly been for other reasons, anyway. Fluttershy dried off and wrapped herself in her towel. Sonata did the same, but took an extra towel for her hair. The two of them walked out of the bathroom and took a seat on the bed as they finished drying off. “You know,” Fluttershy said, “we can go to the beach sometime if you want.” Sonata smirked. “Shy, it’s February.” Fluttershy chuckled. “Well, maybe when it warms up a bit. But I’d like to go to the ocean with you, if you’d like to.” Sonata smiled. “I think I’d like that a lot.” Fluttershy smiled back. She thought she would, too. It was getting late in the morning. As usual, it wasn’t yet checkout time, but the band had their own schedule. And since she was up, it was Fluttershy’s responsibility as tour manager to make sure they met it. So she only allowed herself a little more time to relax with Sonata before she got up and got dressed. Sonata followed suit, although she wouldn’t exactly need to be up and about just yet. Fluttershy was the one who had to go around to everyone’s rooms making sure they were awake and collecting their keys to check out. It kept her busy for a little while, but it was all routine by this point. She knew who would be awake and who would need extra prodding, so she visited Gilda first. She was an early riser and always had coffee brewed by the time Fluttershy got there, so the two of them would sit over coffee for a few minutes. From Gilda, she would visit Lemon Zest. She would be asleep, but she’d wake up in an instant as soon as she needed to be up. From there, it would be kinder to go to Windfall, but she went to Rainbow’s room. Rainbow would groan at her about needing more sleep, and Fluttershy would argue a little then give in, letting Rainbow think she was getting away with something. Afterwards, she would go see Windfall, who would rise slowly but surely, then go back to get Rainbow up for real, by which time she’d be a little more cooperative. After all that, it was downstairs with Sonata to check out. As usual, Adagio and Aria were already down there. No one ever needed to wake them up for checkout, they were always ready and waiting. It was a nice routine. In a career where Fluttershy would be in a new city almost every day, she clung to what routines she could. This time, however, Adagio didn’t wait silently for them to leave. She approached Sonata when Fluttershy was checking out. “We need you today.” “Oh, okay,” Sonata said. Fluttershy just frowned. She would have liked a better explanation of why, but there was nothing she could do. Sonata was supposed to be helping her Visera with tracking the source of the Equestrian magic, and Fluttershy knew she monopolized enough of her friend’s time. Soon enough the band was making their way downstairs, most of them still groggy. Since Fluttershy had checked them out already, she called for the tour bus to come and get them. They made small talk about how everyone slept while they waited for the few minutes it took for the bus to get to them. Once it was there, everyone made their way out to it. Fluttershy lingered just a moment to hug Sonata. “I’ll see you tonight.” “Of course!” Sonata said with a bright smile. She leaned in to add, “Between you and me, I wish I was on the bus with you all. The van smells funny.” Fluttershy considered inviting all of the sirens to join them on the bus since they didn’t want to split up today, but she was afraid once opened, that door couldn’t be closed again. Adagio, she could probably stand, but she really didn’t want to share the tour bus with Aria Blaze. With one last wave, she walked onto the tour bus and took a seat on the couch. Lemon Zest and Gilda sat on either side of her, and Rainbow and Windfall sat across from them. Lemon Zest was the first to comment on the obvious. “No Sonata today?” “No, the others needed her for something,” Fluttershy said. “Probably tracking the magic. I don’t really know how that works.” “Yeah, maybe they all need to be together to do it,” Windfall said. He’d been growing increasingly open to the idea that magic might be real, to the point where he no longer questioned it. Gilda was more skeptical, although she rarely spoke against it. Instead, she just pulled out her phone when the conversation turned towards magic. “Sonata say anything about how all that’s going?” Lemon Zest asked. “No. I think she’d tell me if it wasn’t going well, though.” “Yeah yeah, but more importantly –” Rainbow grinned and leaned closer “– do you have any plans for next week?” “Next week?” Fluttershy asked. Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Valentine’s Day is coming up.” “Oh.” Fluttershy had forgotten about that. It had been three years since she had a reason to be anything other than miserable on Valentine’s Day. “I… I haven’t really thought about it.” That got Gilda to put down her phone. “Think about it now then!” Lemon Zest nudged Fluttershy. “Come on, when are you going to have all of us together with no Sonata again? This is the perfect time for us to come up with a plan!” “I don’t think I need a plan…” Fluttershy shifted in her seat. “We’re not even dating, we probably won’t even do anything.” “See, this is exactly why you need us!” Rainbow said. “Come on, Shy, you want to do something on Valentine’s Day with Sonata, but you just don’t want to admit it.” Fluttershy blushed. It might be kind of nice. And even more than that, she loved seeing Rainbow have something positive to say about Sonata. “Okay,” she said with a smile. “Let’s plan something then.” Of course, they were limited on what they could plan that worked with the tour. The band had a show on Valentine’s Day, but they insisted Fluttershy take the night off – she didn’t need to be at every performance, after all. They’d all ride the tour bus into town together as always, then Fluttershy and Sonata would go out for the evening and not come back until they were good and ready. Most of their time was spent finding things that they’d be able to do. It wasn’t like any of them knew much about the city they’d be in, after all, so they were all on their phones looking up options. They found some nice sounding restaurants, a movie theater, some clubs if they wanted to go out dancing, and – courtesy of Gilda – a strip club. Even discounting that last option, there was a nice variety of choices they could choose from. They all agreed it was best to not settle on any plans just yet. Fluttershy would try to worm some information about Sonata’s interests from her, then she’d plan a day around that. It was nice to have something to look forward to, but it begged a question. “Do… you all think I should just ask Sonata to make this official?” “Uh, yeah?” Lemon Zest said as if there was never a point in even asking. “Seriously, you two are great together.” Windfall shrugged. “I don’t see why not. I mean… being honest, would it even change anything?” Fluttershy frowned. “I guess… I guess it wouldn’t…” Gilda sighed. “It would change how you think of it, and that’s plenty. And you know, it might change your future a lot. If you make it official, you’ll have more reason to keep in touch, right?” “I think we’d keep in touch anyway,” Fluttershy said. “Yeah, probably. But keeping in touch as friends and as girlfriends is different.” Gilda smirked. “You don’t want her looking for someone else once you two aren’t on tour anymore, do you?” Fluttershy folded her hands in her lap. “I… I don’t want us to not be on tour together.” “Tch, nothing you can do about that one,” Gilda said. “You know they got their whole thing they’re doing. But you can still shape what happens after.” Fluttershy didn’t want to think about it, but she knew it was true. “Yeah, you’re right.” She turned to the only person who hadn’t voiced an opinion. “What do you think, Dash?” Rainbow kept her eyes on Fluttershy’s for a moment, then she broke into a grin. “Might as well go for it. You two are basically dating anyway.” That meant more than Fluttershy could express. Certainly more than she could say without embarrassing Rainbow in front of the others. Fluttershy just smiled and nodded, resolving to thank Rainbow more personally later on when it was just the two of them. The rest of the trip was pretty straightforward. It was a relatively short drive to the next stop on the tour, only three hours of driving. They passed the time as they usually did – with videogames, jokes, and conversation. They made good time getting to the venue, so they were able to move about leisurely as they made their way in for the soundcheck. They met with the venue manager as the road crew brought in their instruments and got everything set up. They were almost done when one of the roadies walked up to the band. “Hey, just letting you know those girls split today. They said they got where they needed to be and just walked off.” Fluttershy blinked. The words surrounded her without really penetrating into her thoughts properly. She knew what she heard, but she also knew it couldn’t be right. “What?” “Yeah, they said you knew they’d be leaving.” The roadie shrugged. “They were just temp help, right? They haven’t really done shit these past few weeks anyway…” “Oh, fuck…” Rainbow put her arm around Fluttershy. “Shy, I’m so sorry.” Lemon Zest hugged her from behind and didn’t say anything. Gilda just swore and kicked at the ground. Windfall walked up to the roadie. “Did they say anything else? A message for Fluttershy or anything?” “Nope, just walked off. Is, uh, is it a problem?” Windfall swore and clenched his jaw. After a moment he shook his head and tried again. “They didn’t leave a way to get in touch with them? Or say where they were going? Or just… fucking something else?” “No. Sorry.” “Okay.” He turned back to the others. “Let’s get Shy somewhere she can sit down.” “What?” Fluttershy repeated. She knew the answer, but she couldn’t believe it. She let herself be led to a chair, and she sat down, and she wouldn’t do anything else. The others tried talking to her. Fluttershy heard the words, but her brain didn’t parse their meaning. And yet all the same, the reality slowly sunk in. Sonata was gone. She’d left her, and she hadn’t even said goodbye. That was what really bothered her. Of course, Sonata not being around was the problem, but what really made it difficult to process was how sudden it was. Sonata hadn’t even told Fluttershy she was leaving. The whole morning, Sonata had just been her usual self. How could she do this? How could Sonata just leave her like this? True, they weren’t dating, but they were friends. Would it have been different if Fluttershy had made things official between them sooner? Or would Sonata do the same fucking thing? The others could see it, only Fluttershy was stupid enough to think Sonata was authentic. To think she really cared about her. “You were right,” Fluttershy said. Everyone turned to her in silence. She looked at Rainbow and repeated herself. “You were right about Sonata all along, Dash. She was using me, and I just let her.” “Don’t be like that, Shy…” Rainbow said, failing to meet Fluttershy’s eyes. “I didn’t think…” She sighed and shoved her hands in her pockets. “I didn’t want to be right, you know.” “I know.” Fluttershy stood up and ran a hand through her hair, wondering for the first time why she had cut it all off. She used to be pretty once, before she got fat and stopped taking care of herself. The least she could’ve done was kept her hair pretty. Maybe then Sonata would’ve thought twice before she used Fluttershy and tossed her away. “Just take it easy today,” Zest said. “We’ll take care of everything.” “I’m fine,” Fluttershy said, and she was. She wouldn’t let herself be anything else. “It’s better this way. I don’t need someone around who’s just using me, and now I’ll have more time to focus on the band.” “Shy…” Fluttershy met Rainbow’s frown with a smile. “I’m fine, Dash. Come on. Let’s get that soundcheck started.” It was just onto the next thing. Every day, just onto the next thing. That was all Fluttershy could do, live every day as it came. And live in the routine. Wake up call. Check out of the hotel. Take the bus to the next stop. Soundcheck. Lunch. To the next hotel. Check in. Work on her laptop. Make phone calls. Back to the venue for the show. After party. Dinner. Back to the hotel. Shower. Find more work. Wake up call. That was her life. Every day, the same routine. Some parts of it were easier than others – she never knew what to do on the tour bus, and it could be hard to find enough work to keep busy in the evenings. But she managed. And when she couldn’t find work? She could always find booze. It flowed freely for the band and their manager, and a quick stop to a liquor store to stock up the hotel refrigerator never hurt. So it was no surprise that a bottle of beer was where Fluttershy found herself at an afterparty on Valentine’s Day. She just wished it was something stronger, but fuck it, she’d drank six of them so far. It couldn’t take that much longer for her to forget what day it was. “Shy.” Someone was saying her name, Fluttershy knew that. Still, her body was slow to respond. “Fluttershy!” Fluttershy turned around and saw Windfall frowning at her. Great, now he was mad at her for something too. “Hi.” He pointed at her beer bottle. “How many of those have you had?” Fluttershy frowned. “It’s just beer.” “I saw the whiskey bottle in your bag this morning.” Fluttershy rolled her eyes. She’d finished that, like, hours ago. “I’m fine, Windfall. Go enjoy yourself.” “I can’t.” He gestured towards Gilda and Lemon Zest, who were both looking at them. “None of us can. What are you doing to yourself?” “That’s my business.” Fluttershy turned to walk away and tripped. Windfall was at her side trying to help her up in an instant, but she pushed him away. “Oh, fuck off. I don’t need you to pity me.” “I don’t pity you, I care about you!” “Okay, I’ve seen enough.” Gilda walked over and picked up Fluttershy. She struggled against it, but Gilda held tight. “Someone call me a cab, I’m bringing Shy to the hotel.” “I don’t wanna go to the hotel!” Fluttershy said. “I’m not a fucking kid! I’m your boss!” “Yeah, well, fire me.” Gilda brought Fluttershy to a couch and sat her down. Lemon Zest brought over a bottle of water and sat with them. She tried to hand it to Fluttershy, but she wouldn’t take it. That was when Rainbow walked up. “What’s going on?” Fluttershy looked at her pleadingly. “Dash! Tell them I’m fine.” “She’s not fine,” Gilda said. “She’s fucking wasted.” Rainbow folded her arms. “Come on, Shy. Let’s go back to the hotel.” “I don’t want to!” Fluttershy insisted. She jumped to her feet before the others could stop her. “Jesus, I’m an adult! I can take care of myself!” “Yeah, you can,” Rainbow agreed. “Prove it by taking care of yourself now. We just worry about you.” Fluttershy glared at her for a moment, then broke into a run. She wasn’t sure where to. She hadn’t really thought it through. It didn’t matter. The next thing she knew, she was falling face-first to the ground. Everything was blurry, and she couldn’t even resist as others dragged her out. She heard voices, but not words. “Hold on, Mama…” She came to in the back of a taxi, sandwiched between Rainbow and Gilda. “What…” “Shy?” Rainbow sounded scared, but Fluttershy wasn’t sure why. Fluttershy realized that she was leaning against Rainbow, who had an arm around her. She looked up and her vision slowly focused on Rainbow’s face. She looked as bad as she sounded. “You okay?” Gilda asked. “What… happened…?” “You passed out on me!” Rainbow said. There was fear and anger mixed together in one vocal cocktail. “I didn’t know what to do! If Windfall hadn’t already called a cab…” Fluttershy pressed a hand to her head. “We’re going back to the hotel?” Rainbow didn’t answer. She looked dead ahead, and Fluttershy couldn’t make out her expression through her blurred vision. “No, we’re going to a hospital,” Gilda said. “What?” Fluttershy forced herself up. “No! I don’t like hospitals!” “I know,” Rainbow said. “But you… you blacked out, Shy. And we couldn’t get you to respond.” “Driver, just take us to our hotel. It’s called, uhm…” Fluttershy shook her head. She knew what the hotel’s name was she just couldn’t think. Everything was so blurry. “Keep going to the hospital,” Gilda said. “Yes, ma’am,” the driver answered. Fluttershy looked between Gilda and Rainbow, feeling helpless. She couldn’t convince them, she couldn’t think, she couldn’t… she couldn’t… All she could do was cry. Rainbow held her tightly as she did, and at some point, Fluttershy passed out again. “Hold on, Mama. Just wait a little longer…” The next thing Fluttershy was aware of, Gilda was carrying her into the hospital. Fluttershy didn’t want to be there. She hated hospitals. She just needed to sleep, why wouldn’t they listen to her? She told them… she told them… had she told them that? She didn’t tell them now, she couldn’t form the words. She couldn’t form any words. They didn’t understand, she hadn’t slept in three days, she wasn’t even that drunk, she just needed to sleep. They walked into the hospital, and Fluttershy gave in. She stopped fighting to get away, she stopped fighting to stay awake, she just stopped fighting. “Hold on, Mama. Hold on.” “Sky!” Fluttershy’s eyes shot open, and she became aware that her head was in throbbing pain. She looked around and found an IV sticking out of her arm. “Fluttershy?” Rainbow stood up and walked over to her. She put her hands on the guardrail of the hospital bed that Fluttershy was in. “Rainbow?” Fluttershy squeezed her eyes shut, wishing her head would stop throbbing. “How… how long was I out?” “Maybe twenty minutes,” Rainbow said, and Fluttershy sighed with relief. “Hold on, I’ll get the doctor.” “You stay here, I’ll get him,” Gilda said. Fluttershy hadn’t even noticed she was there. She felt like she should have known she would be, but she couldn’t remember that. “Shy…” Rainbow took Fluttershy’s hand. “What…” Fluttershy forced herself to swallow. Her mouth was so dry. “What’s wrong with me?” “They said severe dehydration. I don’t think they know anything else.” That wasn’t actually what Fluttershy had meant, but she just nodded weekly. Gilda returned with the doctor, who explained that even though Fluttershy had made sure to drink water with the alcohol she’d had, with the amount she was drinking it just wasn’t cutting it. Fluttershy mostly just stared at the ceiling when he talked. When he paused from speaking, Fluttershy asked the only question that mattered. “Am I dying?” He smiled. “No, nothing that severe. Afraid you’ll be staying here tonight.” Fluttershy nodded as best she could, then went back to tuning him out. She wasn’t dying, but she knew what she’d heard. Sky had called out for her, she had told her to wait a little longer. Just wait a little longer. Fluttershy could do that. She was good at that. She wasn’t good at many things, but finding ways to wait out her time was one thing she could do. But why? What was worth holding onto anymore? Fluttershy just didn’t know. Her hands drifted meekly to her stomach as she searched for an answer. She didn’t find one. Fluttershy never told anyone she had heard Sky’s voice. They never talked about her, so it felt wrong to bring her up. Besides, other people would probably just tell her that she imagined it, and Fluttershy didn’t want to be faced with that possibility. Not that they didn’t have plenty of other reasons to worry about her. She was stuck in the hotel room overnight, but at least she was allowed to leave in the morning. Not that they had a choice, they had to go to the next stop on the tour. The trip on the tour bus was hell. Everyone looked at her like she was broken, and they wouldn’t let her have so much as one drink. It had been a few miserable hours, but it was finally at an end. “Hey, Shy…” Rainbow fidgeted in place. The bus had just pulled into the venue, and Fluttershy was looking forward to getting some peace of mind, but it looked like she had one more awkward conversation first. “Yes, Dash?” “I thought maybe we should, I don’t know… cancel the show?” Rainbow wouldn’t meet Fluttershy’s eyes. “Oh.” Fluttershy frowned. “But why?” Rainbow shook her head. “That way we could take care of you! That way you won’t be alone.” Being alone was exactly what Fluttershy wanted. “No. Definitely not. Rainbow, I’m surprised at you, you know how important this show is.” “It’s just a regular show, nothing special.” “They’re all special. There’s going to be people there who memorized every lyric, kids who have never been to a concert before. You need to give it your best, and to not worry about me.” “I can’t just not worry about you!” Rainbow took hold of Fluttershy’s hands. “You have no idea what it was like, I was fucking terrified…” Fluttershy smiled. “I’m sorry I worried you, Dash. I’ll be better tonight, though. I think… I’m just going to go to the hotel. Get some rest tonight.” “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Rainbow sighed. “Just… take care of yourself, alright? She’s not worth putting yourself through all this for.” Fluttershy wished Rainbow hadn’t brought Sonata up, but she didn’t say so. “You’re right.” With a little more convincing, Rainbow followed the others inside to do the soundcheck. Fluttershy waited in the tour bus for a taxi, which she took to the hotel.  Well, not directly to the hotel. She made one quick stop first. A liquor store, where she bought a bottle of vodka. She debated buying more, but she decided she didn’t want to get caught with anything. One bottle was easy enough to hide if any of the others came into her room. From there, she took the taxi to her hotel. She checked in, then went up to her room. She slapped the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door and locked the deadbolt. She didn’t want anyone walking in unannounced. She didn’t have any shot glasses, but that was okay. She wasn’t really in a shot kind of mood. Instead, she got one of the little paper cups they left in the hotel room and filled it with vodka. She knocked it back and winced at the strong flavor. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Sonata had left her. And worse, she hadn’t said she was leaving, hadn’t even left a message for her. Sometimes her brain tried to convince her that Sonata had loved her and she’d never see her again, but right now she knew better. Sonata hadn’t cared about her, she had just said the right things to get into Fluttershy’s head. And it had worked. Fluttershy was head over heels for a girl who didn’t give a shit about her. What was it? What was so bad about Fluttershy that she kept driving people away? Fluttershy went into the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror. Her short hair was starting to grow back in, it was getting down towards her shoulders again. Last time, Gilda had trimmed it for her. She didn’t want to bother Gilda this time, though. She rummaged around her things until she found the pair of scissors that Gilda had used. They were hair cutting scissors, whatever the hell that meant, so they were perfect. She went back to the bathroom and grabbed a lock of her hair. Then she cut. She didn’t know what she was doing, but it didn’t matter. So what if it turned out awful? Fluttershy didn’t deserve to look pretty. It seemed to hardly take any time at all. Gilda had taken her time, made sure it came out looking great, but Fluttershy didn’t bother. And in the end, it did look awful. How was it so hard to cut hair in a messy short style? It came out in uneven clumps, and her upper body was covered in strands of her hair. Tears welled in her eyes when she looked at what she had become. She wiped her eyes and shook her head. She had the solution to this feeling. She went back into the other room and filled her cup with vodka again, then she drank. ‘Come on, damn it,’ Fluttershy thought as she drank. ‘Talk to me again. Let me hear your voice, just one more time.’ It had worked before. So what if she had to drink until she passed out, so what if she didn’t wake up, none of that fucking mattered. All that mattered was getting the chance to hear that sweet little voice, just one more time. Instead, she felt a familiar sensation welling up in her stomach. She ran to the bathroom and collapsed next to the toilet just in time. A moment later, she was throwing up alcohol and stomach bile. When she was done, she flushed the toilet and rinsed out her mouth. She caught sight of herself in the mirror again, and she cried again. What a miserable excuse for a person she had become. She ambled into the shower and turned on the water, not bothering to get out of her clothes. Seeing herself naked on top of everything else would just make things worse. And she cried. Not that there was anyone around to hear her, but the shower masked the sounds anyway. Fluttershy wasn’t even sure who she was crying for. Sonata? Sunset? Sky? Probably just herself. That was the only person Fluttershy cared about these days, anyway. It didn’t matter who she cried for. Fluttershy held her stomach, and she cried, and she wished the water would be enough to drown her. Just wait a little longer. And then what? What would happen if she waited a little longer? Why couldn’t Sky just tell her what she was waiting for? Fluttershy stood up and turned off the water. It was a different hotel room, of course, but she still hated being in bathtubs. She stumbled out of the room, feeling cold and wet in her drenched clothes. She didn’t bother to do anything about that, though. Instead, she just poured another cup of vodka, and she drank. Sky had spoken to her before, and she would again. If this was the only way Fluttershy could reach her then so be. And this time, she wasn’t going to let anything stop her happiness. ~ End Act II ~