//------------------------------// // KEEP AWAY! // Story: Home For The Holidays // by pabrony //------------------------------// Me and Twi stood just inside the front door with the girls in their car carriers as we waited for Rarity to pick us up and take us to the portal. Gleaming was teleporting her mittens on and off her hands every couple seconds and laughing each time she did it. Solaria was busy blowing spit bubbles with her tongue and trying to undo the chest clip on the carrier belt. Twi was twirling her earmuffs in her right hand while I sent Rarity another text asking how much longer she would be. "What did she say?" Twi asked when the reply came. I looked down at my phone and read the text aloud. "She said, 'running behind. Limo driver overslept. Five minutes tops.'" Twi rolled her eyes. "So, about another fifteen minutes?" "If we're lucky," I said with a laugh. "Here," Twi said, tossing her earmuffs to me, "hold these until Rarity gets here." "Where are you going?" I asked. "I am going to sit down. My leg cannot take standing this long." Good thing she's gonna have four in an hour or so, I thought with a slight chuckle. I put Twi's earmuffs around my neck and squatted down to playfully pop some of the bubbles Solaria was blowing. It was cute how she was still trying to undo the clasp on her carrier even with her mittens on. We didn't get to play in the foyer for more than a couple of minutes before there was a sharp knock on the door. "DARLINGS!!! I'M HEEEERE!!!" sang a voice from outside the door. "Come on in, Rarity," I answered.  She poked her head in the door and looked at me in feigned shock. "How on earth did you guess that it was me?" "You're the only one that calls everybody 'darling' all the time and we were expecting you," I deadpanned. Rarity gave a small titter at my response and asked where Twi was at. "She's in the den, waiting on you." Moments later we heard Twi's signature footsteps on the carpet on her way back to the foyer. "That was a lot quicker than I thought you would be," Twi said. "Usually when you say five minutes, it ends up being more like twenty to thirty minutes." "To be fair, it wasn't me that sent the message. Jackie stole my phone the last time and replied to Sunset," Rarity replied.  "Jackie?!" Me and Twi said in unison. Rarity turned a shade of red resulting from the embarrassment that I had never seen before. "It's my, um, pet name for my dear, sweet, adorable, lovable-" "Rarity, you don't need all the romantic adjectives," I interrupted. "We know that you're talking about Applejack." "Hehe, yeah," Rarity said with a sheepish smile.  I put my arm around Rarity and pulled her it tight. "There's nothing wrong with having a pet name for your significant other. I know you've heard us call each other by our pet names," I said. Rarity smiled and replied. "Yes, but I'm pretty sure that your pet names didn't come during coitus." Me and Twi looked at each other and became cherry red from that statement. Rarity gasped as the realization set in. "Oh my goodness. I am so sorry, darlings." "Quite alright, Rarity," Twi replied. It was about then that the front door opened and Applejack poked her head inside. "What in the hay is taking so long in here?" she asked, slightly annoyed.  "Oh, noth-" There was a sudden "poof" and Applejack's stetson and Rarity's fuzzy hat disappeared from their heads. I knew what happened but there was a matter of finding their headwear before we left. So the four of us began searching the house for the missing accessories. I immediately went to my game room since that's usually where most of the items go. Upon entering the room and flipping on the light switch, I heard two distinct sounds of something teleporting. Applejack's stetson was laying on the beanbag chair upside down.  This is too easy, I thought as I walked over. Sure enough, as I leaned down to pick up her hat, a flash of blue light lit up the room and the hat was gone. I searched through all the shelves and drawers to make sure neither it nor Rarity's hat had been teleported to any of those places. Once satisfied that the room was clear, I turned off the light and exited the room. "Rares! Ah found...never mind," Applejack shouted. "Twi? Have you checked the fridge yet?" I asked as I passed the bedroom where she was searching. "The fridge?!" Applejack and Rarity both asked. Me and Twi chuckled before she answered. "Gleaming sometimes teleports things into the refrigerator," she said. "And no, I haven't checked in there yet." "Jackie, dear, would you mind checking in the lavatory for me?" Rarity said as she stood outside the bathroom door. "Seriously?" Applejack deadpanned. "I am absolutely serious. That is someone else's private area. A lady does not go rummaging through someone else's personal things," insisted Rarity. "Besides, lavatories aren't always the cleanest rooms in a person's house." "Excuse me?!" Twi shouted from the kitchen. "Now ya done it. How many times do Ah gotta tell ya not to bad-mouth someone's bathrooms?" Applejack asked with a smirk. "You never told me such rubbish," she shot back. I began to laugh like an idiot as I searched through the kitchen cabinets. Just like a true married couple, I thought. While Applejack and Rarity continued to argue over who was going to check the guest bathroom, I walked to the master bathroom to look in there. I heard something either teleport into or out of the bathroom when I walked in.  "REFRIGERATOR IS CLEAR!" I heard Twi shout. I opened the shower door, followed by the sink cabinets, the laundry basket - which had dirty laundry in it - and as a last resort, lifted the toilet lid. No hats anywhere.  As I headed back to the den, I noticed that Applejack come out of the guest bathroom holding something behind her back. "There. Ah looked in the bathroom for ya. Happy now?"  "Did you find my hat?" Rarity snapped. "Uh, not really. But…" Applejack pulled her hand from behind her back. "...Ah'm sure ya might be able to wear this somehow." Rarity's face became a mixture of green and red when she saw what Applejack had. "I will not wear a plunger on my head. Who knows where that's been and what it's touched," she griped. "That is simply revolting. Why would you even suggest such a thing?" Applejack couldn't reply from laughing so hard. To be honest, neither could I. One of the chairs skidded across the floor in the dining room as a fit of laughter joined from there. Amidst the laughter and Rarity's screaming, I managed to pick up the sound of Gleaming teleporting something close by. I had an idea but I needed to get Twi's help. Once everyone calmed down and Applejack replaced the plunger, I had Twi distract Gleaming with something so that she would lose interest in the hats. After a few minutes of trying, Twi got Gleaming to focus on her mittens once again. Rarity, Applejack, and I rechecked everywhere in the house now that we knew neither of the hats would be going anywhere else. Applejack checked out the guest bedroom and my game room. I looked through the kitchen once more. Rarity looked in the nursery and den. "All clear in the guest room!" "Likewise with the den." I opened the refrigerator and was nearly concussed when the milk jug shot out from being spring-loaded with the stetson. "I got your hat, Applejack," I called. "Thank ya, Sunset," she said when she got to the kitchen to get it. "I'm guess-" "EWWWWWWWWWW!!" Applejack looked at me in confusion. "What the hay?" I shrugged my shoulders and followed Applejack to the nursery. What we saw was something that you couldn't make up, if you knew Rarity, that is. In the corner near the changing table was the diaper pail. On the lid of the diaper pail laid a very fuzzy, navy blue hat. Rarity had one of her hairpins in her hand trying to pluck the cap from its resting place.  "Don't just stand there. Help me get this off of this icky bucket." Applejack did what her girlfriend wouldn't and grabbed the accessory in question. She then set it on Rarity's head which resulted in a shriek of disgust. "Get it off! Get it off!" Rarity screamed, flinging the hat out into the hallway. "Sunset, dear, would you mind if I borrowed your shower to wash my hair really quick?" "Rarity, y'all will be just fine until we get home," Applejack deadpanned.  "Bu...bu...but all the poo germs…" I pinched my nose and chuckled at her reaction. "Rarity, you do realize that it was on top of the lid, right? The dirty diapers go on the inside," I said sarcastically.  Rarity - unsure of what to say next - nibbled on her fingertips nervously. Her eyes kept darting back and forth between her hat and the diaper bucket. "Could I have a grocery bag to put it in?" "Seriously?" Applejack asked. "It's just the lid of a diaper pail. Jeez, are y'all gonna be this fussy about changing diapers if we ever adopt a youngin'?" A dumbfounded look came over Rarity's face as the realization of what could happen down the road struck her. "I...I don't know." The three of us headed back to the foyer where Twilight was still playing with Gleaming. Rarity continued to fuss over her hat being on the diaper pail while carrying it by the corner. Applejack continued to tease her over it. And I grabbed a plastic bag from Walmart for Rarity. "All ready to go?" Twi asked. "Just about. Rarity is putting her 'filthy' hat in a bag for the trip back," I replied using air quotes. "It'll be just...a...sec...ond…" Rarity trailed off.