//------------------------------// // Merry Hearth Christmas // Story: Fallen Order // by Jar Man //------------------------------// I stared down from the observation tower at the figure infront the gates, She was looking back at me with sad eyes. It was getting colder and she didn't show any signs in leaving plus it was Christmas and what's Christmas without everyone around. I groaned and nodded my head towards the gate, she smiled and went inside. I looked over to the little town and watched as Griffins, Poines and other creatures all danced and sang, they all seemed happy and I was glad for that. I went downstairs into the main hall where we had the tree set up and decorations everywhere. The music was perfect for the occasion cause it's freaking Christmas, we were all singing and dancing me and the boys were doing the irish jig then Kelso fell over briging us with him. (An hour later) I was sitting on my throne with the presents next to me, I wasn't gonna wait till tomorrow so might as well start now. "Twilight! Come here" I called to her. She skipped over with a camera while wearing an elf hat. "Whats up Kobe?" I handed her the gift I got her and smiled, she seemed really happy about it too. "Merry Christmas" I nodded to her and she opened it. She gasped at the book and hugged me. "You got me a present?" She looked heartfelt. "Yeah yeah its tradition" I nodded to her. "Thank you Kobe this is amazing, you know if you want I could be your helper" she offered. I declined wanting to pass out gifts myself, we took a picture and she hopped along. "No gift for me? Oh I'm heart broken!" A voice cried from above me. Discord flew down and sat next to me with an evil grin. "Discord I don't like you. You are the only person here who I genuinely hate" I barked. "I will never understand why you have such a dislike towards me" he said with a toothy grin before flying off. Next was Rarity who was telling me about someone who she liked before and other stuff I was trying not to hear. "And then he would always stop by my boutique with flowers trying to woo me over" I decided some help would be necessary. "Twilight!" I called out and she teleported next to me. "Rarity lets take a picture so I can pass out the rest of the presents" She scooted next to me and Twilight took the picture. Rarity left leaving me and Twilight to the gifts, I looked at her taking up her offer. "You know I would like to take you up on your service" "Oh I've been wanting you to take me up for a long time" she smiled widely. I take back my want for help. "LUNA!" (2 hours till midnight) "Here is your gift, Merry Christmas" I handed Luna her present. She opened it then put the necklace on. "I thank you very much for the gifts it means a lot from you" I nodded and had Twilight take our picture. Once she left I passed out the other gifts to the girls and the last one was Celestias. I called her over and handed her gift. "You got me a gift?" She smiled and took it. "Yeah yeah its tradition, open it" I wasn't gonna be a chode on Christmas for fuck sake it's time to be jolly. She opened it and pulled out a shirt with a cake and the words 'Why you all up in my cake?' on it. She seemed confused and looked back at me. "Whats this?" She pointes at the cake. "Well I thought it would be clever since you like cake.." I said simply. "Is it cause I eat a lot of cake?" She accused. I rolled my eyes. "No I thought it was clever...cause the text" I said innocently. She seemed skeptical at first. "What are you tryi-" "I'm trying to say you like making cake you fucking cow!" I raised my voice making her 'o'. "Done being a cow now or...?" She nodded and Twilight took our picture, I checked the time and it was now midnight. I got up and went to the round table Kelso set up with drinks and snacks. While the girls were drinking me and the boys just drank Apple cider, Rainbow Dash tried to pull a fast one Colin but I saved him from the horrible thing called 'alcohol' and kept an eye on Rainbow the whole time. "Well I would like to thank everyone for coming and happy hea-" Twilight looked at me as I stared her down. "Merry Hearths warming Christmas?" I nodded and they cheered. I saw some eggnog and downed a huge swig but coughed some of it up after tasting alcohol in it. I heard Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie laughing from somewhere. I looked back at the eggnog and it didnt taste to bad so I guess a little more wouldn't hurt... (Next day) I opened my eyes and then my head felt like it was gonna blow up. I tried to remember what happend but It was a blur after the eggnog, I felt someone on my left arm and loomed to see Luna sleeping on it. My eyes widened as I realized iI had no shirt on and my pants were loose. "Oh God...oh no...this isn't good oh fuck" I mumbled to myself. I felt the urge to puke and ran to the bathroom, I felt as though all of China was after me. A knock at the door made it worse. "Kobe are you okay?" Lunas asked. I couldnt look at her the same anymore after what I had done, I might as well leave the country and start a new life again. "I'm...fine princess I just...."I puked again"I'm so sorry about last night" I flushed the toilet and washed my hands and face. "Uh..Kobe I do not know what you mean but after you got drunk for the first time and let me say I was surprised you lasted that long.." I groaned loudly at that. "You were like an animal and the way you moved could have put my sister to shame" "Oh God...please stop" I wanted to die right now as Luna laughed. "Well anyways after you blacked out from dancing and singing for hours on end we took you to your room and I stayed behind to make sure you didn't get hurt" I walked over and cracked the door open a little. "So we didn't do the dirty?" She gawked at that before laughing her ass off. "What I'm serious!" She laughed even harder, rolling on the floor with tears in her eyes. "No my dear undead we did not do the 'dirty' your underage and thats illegal." She wiped a tear from her eye and walked out the door. I grumbled to myself as I took a cold shower. I hopped out and put on some clothes and left the room. I walked to the throne room to see it was spotless, I guess Pinkie cleaned while I was dying in my room. There were some more cookies so of course me being the fat lard I am I took some. "Yo fat ass!" I flinched as I turned around, my head still hurt and the light made me squint for a while. Colin walked up and patted my back. "Bro what happened to no drinking that's not very Holy of you man" I gave him a rude gesture and sat in my throne. "I want to fucking die bro..." I slurred "I bet bro" he brought me some water and it got the alcohol out of my mouth. He told me about the rest of the night, I apparently slapped Celestias ass during my party rampage and she knocked me into next week. I sat for a while longer then went to check on Sol to see how production is going. I walked through the little town and it looked like the better version of Ponyville except not as many ponies, which was fine by me cause ponies tend to be some of the softest things on the planet. There were some recruits being trained by Stone Wall and good Lord did it look like it hurts, I saw a Griffin fight with a broken arm and wing against another lion and won somehow. The rest of the day was uneventful, and for the next few weeks we went to the Griffin empire in Griffin stone and to Zebrica to get Ajax out of dodge. I found out most zebras are kind of a bunch of cucks, I went to find a toilet only to get jumped by some damn kids. Granted I did kill their teacher but the guy pulled a bow on me. We jusr got back to the castle then I was flashed into Canterlot (Canterlot) "Damn you Celestia and your flash bangs!" I whined. "Kobe we have brought you here to discuss an important matter that concerns the girls" Celestia said. I rubbed the blindess from my eyes and looked at her. "Why didn't you like send a letter or just come visit?" I asked. "Well you and the Warriors of Sunlight were in other countries and didn't bother to tell anypony, and speaking of them I wanted to propose an offer to you and your friends" I raised and eyebrow. I wasn't the best at making deals especially with cunts who lock me up. "What is it?" She smiled and pulled out a folder from nowhere in particular and handed it to me. I opened it and read the first few words then made up my mind already. "No" she blinked in confusion. "Wha-" I held up my hand. "I'm not signing this just do you can control the Warriors of Sunlight, I get your the sun princess but we don't praise you we praise the sun" I made my statement clear. Just because she 'moved' the sun doesn't mean we should bend over for her. "Well...now that that's out of the way I guess we can talk about the girls" i nodded for her to proceed. "As you know Twilight is a very talented unicorn, so I am going to send her one last test and I want you and your friends to make sure nothing bad happens" I didn't know what she meant by last test then it hit me like a train. "You're going to make her a princess?" I forgot about that episode mostly cause it was pretty cringe but I guess that's cause I'm not the biggest brony out there. "How did you know?" Celestia was shocked and I just shrugged and told her I 'guessed'. Lucky for me she didn't press on about it and we stood in silence for a minute. "So..is there anything else you need or...?" I swayed back and forth. Celestia was silent for a moment then look up at me and smiled. "Well I always have wanted tl relax for a day without the nobles being on my flank all day" I decided to say fuck it and we were teleported to a pool. Not even 5 minutes pass and theres a horde of royal douche canoes walking over to us. I heard Celestia groan and I being the manly man I am I put a stop to their bullshittery. As soon as they were on Celestias ass I yelled loudly at them. "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" The all got quiet then one of them whispered looked lime Blue Bloods retarded cousin spoke up. "Excuse me creature how da-" I grabbed his head and plunged it into the waters as the others watched in horror. I pulled his head up after 30 seconds and glared at him. "Listen here you twat waffle, if you and your little pussy squad don't leave the princess alone I will skin your body and make you watch, then make a flag out of each of your pelts" I said coldly. He looked horrified but then tried to smart off again so I put his head back under. I looked at Celestia for her to say when to pull him up and after the bubbles started to slow she nodded and I yanked him up. None of them spoke as they rushed out of the area. I sat next to Celestia and fist bumped her. "Hey princess just wondering...why didn't you like hunt me down after I escaped from the castle?" She looked at me then shrugged. "Well if I'm going to be honest....I forgot" "And the bodies...?" She lowered her glasses and stared at me. "What bodies?" I waved off the question and thanked the sun She didn't notice her nephew was gone and dead. After almost a few hours of relaxing and swimming we shook hands and she sent me back to the our castle. I found out Colin didn't realize I was gone and was talking about something. "But yeah so that's what I think we should add to Sol" he looked at me for my opinion on whatever the hell he said. "Oh yeah sure" I said casually. He nodded in agreement and walked off. I sighed and looked up to the sky. "What the fuck man"