//------------------------------// // Chapter Thirteen // Story: Head Full of Cotton Candy // by TheManWithTwoNames //------------------------------//  Head Full of Cotton Candy A “My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic” fanfiction By TheManWithTwoNames I do not own any of the characters contained in the following work. “My Little Pony” and all subsequent properties belong to Hasbro and Lauren Faust. I was actually allowed to walk around outside today. I would have run off, but I felt like the guys were really starting to trust me and I wouldn’t want to let them down like that. Plus I think they have my T-shirt, though I’m not even entirely certain what that has to do with my predicament anymore. Let it never be said that Screwball let anything stand in the way of duty. Not even the gravity of her challenge of trying to persuade all of Equestria to accept the being they had feared even before he had spent twenty years turning their world upside-down was enough to weigh her down. Though it was more than enough to give her doubts about the situation.   She had only suggested that they try to present Discord to the public in a more flattering and humbling light. He could go to a town, apologize to the ponies for all the harm he had caused them, undo everything he had done, and then spend the rest of the day catering to their desires so they would warm up to him. Perhaps kiss a few babies, shake a few hooves, and promise them everything they wanted to hear. All of the standard political rigmarole to finally get Discord back in the ponies’ good graces. Discord was keen on the goal of becoming beloved by his subjects for the first time, but he insisted on a few alterations of the old formula that consisted of visiting a town and talking until something went critically wrong and forced them to flee. And because the truth that the draconequus wanted to help and serve his ponies sounded too bizarre for even him to believe, he decided that the best way to approach the situation was with a generous helping of lies, deceit, and a dash of chicanery. But most important of all, he needed props and disguises. Everything was set: he had the costume jewelry, he had the caravan with the impossibly sized fold-out stage to carry everything; all he needed was the star of his show to start cooperating. “I’m having second thoughts about this, Discord,” Screwball said as she mulled over the scheme for the umpteenth time, imagining some new disaster every time she let it play out in her mind. “Is Swifty being a stick in the mud again?” he asked while lining his face up to look inside her ear. “Because if she’s not, then I’m sticking her right back in my paw.” Screwball winced from his shouting and gave him a glare, confident that it wasn’t unintentional. He held a hoof to her head to soothe her headache and settle her mind. When Discord left, he had taken her personal voice of doubt with him, keeping it in his claw and using doses of her pure negativity to twist ponies into acting opposite their nature. Once she found out he had been toying with ponies’ personalities and minds, she verbally tore him to shreds until he put the missing piece of her back in her mind. However, after twenty years of being apart and growing independent of one another, the reintegration wasn’t absolutely seamless. It was strange enough knowing that a fragment of her mind had taken on a life of its own, but what was stranger about having it back was that Savoir Faire wasn’t firmly melded with her again. Before she always felt as if she were only arguing with herself. Now it felt like she had a little angry pony living in her brain. And if she was jostled around too much or if a mischievous spirit made a loud enough noise, it felt like something was rattling around the inside of her head. “No, it’s just me, Screwball, saying I don’t think I can pull this off.” “You’re such a worry wort,” Discord said with a wave of his hands. “But if you think you can’t do it, I could always just poke around in your head and make you more confident.” “If you ever do anything to my mind again, I mean it, I will never forgive you,” she said harshly. “Fine, fine. I was just kidding.” Screwball calmed and looked over her equipment again. She was wearing four golden anklets each with a single jewel embedded on the front, one was a shining red, another verdant green, the third was a light orange, and the fourth was a soft pink. Her necklace was similarly styled, with an intricate pattern tracing the collar meeting at a sky blue gem in the front. Her masquerade required her to separate from her propeller beanie, which she did reluctantly. Discord promised he would make sure it was kept somewhere safe and promptly threw it over his shoulder to vanish without a trace. She had faith that he was being sincere, but she still did not appreciate the trick. Instead of her cap, she wore a simple diadem with an amethyst that complimented her coat while still attractively contrasting against her white-streaked mane. And of course, to complete the look, she was wearing the blue robes of the Equestrian royal advisor. It was probably the most ornamented outfit she ever wore, though all it had to compete with was a propeller beanie and a checkered harlequin uniform. That didn’t mean she felt the six pieces of jewelry alone were enough to sell her disguise. “What if something goes wrong? It isn’t as though we have a perfect record.” “Chaos is flexible. If something goes haywire, just improvise!” Discord said enthusiastically. He scooped the pony off the ground and dropped her on top of the wagon in the driver’s seat. After he strapped himself into the harness connecting him to the wagon, he tied two reigns around his horns and passed them to Screwball. “I’m still not—” “Just pretend you’re in a circus act if it helps you focus,” he cut back tersely as he began to pull the wagon forward. Screwball flapped her mouth silently before leaning back in her seat and closing her eyes, intending to get a little shut-eye to make the trip pass faster.  “We’re here!” Discord announced suddenly. He exited his harness with a flip and plucked Screwball up from the wagon before she had time to even settle in. They rotated a few times in the air before he landed on his feet and held her up to show her their destination. “This is one of my most favorite towns in all of Equestria, so I imagine it would be a good a place to restart as any.” “You’re holding me upside-down.” “Yes I am.” “Would you correct this?”          “Have it your way.” “Thank you. And why is this one of your most favorite towns?” “You’ll see~” he answered in a sing-song voice. “I’m glad to see you haven’t changed at all in twenty years,” she said sardonically. “How did we even get here so fast?” “I turned a mountain into a giant piece of candy corn once. I think I can handle taking a pony and a wagon to an island in the middle of the ocean.” “Then why would you even bother trying to pull...? Wait, we’re where?!” “On an island in the ocean. You have got to start listening more carefully.” The place had “Discord” written all over it. The wagon was sitting on a straight path that divided the island in half. On one side was a red desert dotted with bushes and shrubs. Orange plateaus sat on the horizon, and the expansive landscape below was filled with small creatures hopping around. Screwball couldn’t decide if she should have been surprised when she couldn’t even feel the heat from the desert despite standing just a few feet away from it, but she supposed that meant the Spirit of Chaos was living up to his reputation. On the other side was a lush rainforest that was bursting with life and energy. Wild birds made otherworldly calls, other animals screeched and whooped, and the trees shook as animals swung through the bush. Dead ahead, like an oasis in the polarized land, was a fair sized settlement that, at least from a distance, looked like it belonged back on the mainland. More than that, it looked like it belonged on the mainland twenty years ago. The grass was green, the sky above was blue and clear, gravity didn’t make any strange sounds, and the ocean on the far side of the town looked like it was made of real water. Screwball didn’t have the energy to argue. “Let’s just hurry up before we both come to our senses.” “Hold it right there,” Discord spoke. His bushy eyebrows were furled in thought as he stared at the purple pony. Screwball did not speak, hoping that just playing along would make whatever game he was playing go by easier. For several seconds, the only sound was the chittering from the trees and the sound of distant waves. Once he had finished working through whatever puzzle had interested him, Discord clicked his talons and lowered the sun. She had never seen the moon look so yellow; it was practically golden. As she tried to enjoy the sudden calm that the night brought over the island, Discord clicked his talons again. A shooting star crossed the night sky, leaving a glittering trail of silvery white behind it. The star made a turn and began to dip toward the planet, aiming to crash right on top of the both of them and turn them into a crater in the ground. Screwball made a dash to take cover behind the wagon but a red tail coiled around her hooves and held her in place. She looked up at Discord with desperation, her expression fading to confusion the moment she saw the look of wonderment on the draconequus’ face. She stopped trying to struggle and waited for the punchline. It was beautiful. A silver sailboat floated delicately just off of the ground. The hull looked like it was cut from cloth by the way it gently curved and folded, with the sail glittering with starlight. “Remember this?” Discord asked playfully. Screwball approached the ship reverently, as though a sudden move would frighten it away. Touching the hull, it felt like silk. “I do... I still have dreams about riding in it,” she answered softly. “I just didn’t think you remembered it, too.” “I’m as surprised as you are. But it’s just what I need.” Without another word, Discord gripped the side of the boat and began to peel the hull away like wrapping paper. Screwball opened her mouth to protest but she was quieted when she saw the boat mending itself as fast as it was dismantled. Once he was satisfied with his pull, he squished it into a ball. The silver was putty in his hands, molding and changing to suit his needs. When he was done, he held his creation in the air with pride: a glittering cloak. Screwball had performed at countless soirees for the most wealthy ponies in all of Equestria and had seen their extravagant dresses and gowns. She was never one to marvel over fashion and had very little appreciation and understanding of style. And yet she was confident in herself when she deemed the simple cloak to be the most marvelous thing she had ever seen. And now it was being wrapped around her. “Now this makes you look like the champion of Equestria,” Discord said as he stepped backward, disappearing the old advisor robes with a flick of his wrist. He watched with pride as the little pony moved gently to look at herself, moving like she was afraid jostling around would rouse her from this dream. He decided to give her a bit of encouragement. Bringing his paw to his mouth, he gave a loud wolfish whistle. “Looking fine, Scroob!” “Discord, don’t do that,” she pleaded. She only hoped that the cover of night would have hidden her blushing. “What the matter, Screwy? Don’t tell me you don’t like compliments.” “It’s not that,” she said sheepishly, trying to think of the words to explain it. “But... just hearing that from you... It’s creepy.” “And what, pray tell, is so wrong about me saying that?” “Nothing, just forget I said anything.” “I don’t know what you’re so worried about your appearance for. At least you’re still a little colorful pony in a land of other little colorful ponies,” he said blithely. “If you recall, my looks never made me many friends. I’ve got a sneer that can curdle dairy.” He demonstrated his point and earned a giggle in response. “But I’m glad you remember the boat, because that goes to my next point.” He patted the boat as he passed by and the ship sailed off toward the moon. “Do you remember what you said to me that night we rode on it?” “I said don’t forget about me when...” Her voice dropped as she decided to omit the last half of the sentence. “Oh. Well there was that, too,” he said, scratching his beard. “But you told me that life is about making mistakes—” “That isn’t exactly what I said.” “—so I don’t want to hear you complaining about being afraid of messing something up,” he continued, talking over her. “And take it from a draconequus who knows, sometimes messing things up can be more fun than you expect.” ---------- The island did not have a very long history, but it was nevertheless an exciting one. When King Equinox sat on Equestria’s throne, he demonstrated a strict “zero-patience” attitude toward criminals. While many ponies were sentenced to death for more serious crimes, the lesser offenders were banished from Equestria. Exiled ponies had the choice of migrating to the frozen north or trying their luck by crossing the expansive deserts of the buffalo tribes. Those who braved the desert would find their new lives in one of the many prison colonies that rested on the coast. While still technically existing under the authority of the Equestrian monarchy, Canterlot paid no mind to the banished ponies. As a result, the colonies considered themselves their own sovereign lands and acted independently of the rest of the world. The ponies who were truly a danger to Equestria never escaped Equinox’s mercy, leaving only the more harmless stallions and mares to build and manage these new societies. Business owners who refused to pay taxes managed commerce, crooked politicians found themselves in offices that offered little room for embezzlement, the stockier ponies were put onto the police force, and everyone agreed that unlicensed doctors were better than no doctors at all. The exiled ponies coexisted with the buffalo much more peacefully than the rest of Equestria, and the buffalo shared their folklore and culture with them. Without the fear of Equinox and being exempt from being drafted into his military pursuits, the ponies found life to be much simpler, relaxing, and fulfilling. Though the colonies were often behind in technological and medical advancements, in only a few short decades the prison colonies had become one of the most auspicious places in the world to live. To further strengthen themselves, the colonies declared themselves a micronation. For over a century, the ponies lived in unbroken peace, even during the first few years of Discord’s rule, and very well may have gone on unnoticed for years to come. It was only by complete chance that their existence was revealed to the Spirit of Chaos. Unable to endure the strange and dangerous species of animals Discord littered across Equestria, the other cities worked to corral the animals someplace far away where they would be unable to add any further strife to the ponies’ lives. When Discord followed the animals across the desert, he was ecstatic to discover an untapped playground. He severed the colonies from the rest of the continent, reshaped the land into a single island, and relocated it several thousand miles off from the coast. But when it came time to get personal with his subjects, he was stunned to discover how well-mannered the ponies were about the entire situation. When they even adapted to the strange animals, reptiles, and insects that had been forced upon them without so much of a grumble, Discord decided that the ponies had won his favor. He divided the island into a desert and a rainforest, arranged it so that only hard cider would ever rain on the colonies, and promised he would come to vacation every now and then. And for the most part, the micronation of Austallia was once again left alone by the Equestrian monarchy. And it was in one of these Austallian colonies, Whinneroo, that the world would meet its hero: Savoir Faire the Splendid. ---------- “Hello, ponies of Whinneroo!” “G’day,” came the response. Every pony in Whinneroo gathered to the center of town to see the mare who rode into on her bizarre wagon. It was unheard of to have a pony from the mainland cross the ocean to reach the island; the flight would have been impossible for most pegasi even if they knew where they were going. So when word spread that some boys were helping an earth pony setting up some show in the center of town, the news was too exciting to ignore. A mob had arrived on the scene before the stage was even set, and now every eye was focused on the flashy pony.  “I am Savoir Faire the Splendid, and I come bringing the most wonderful news!” Screwball continued. “Good on ya.” “Um, yes, thank you... You are all aware of Discord, the mischievous draconequus who had thrown the world into chaos for twenty years—” “Hasn’t really been too rough here,” a stallion spoke with a heavy accent. “But you never need to fear again! Many had searched for a way to put a stop to Discord’s rampage, none succeeding. Until one fateful day, I made a shocking discovery!” Screwball raised a hoof in the air to display one of her jewels. “Six relics from a culture long forgotten, imbued with unimaginable magical power!” She began to pace dramatically along the length of the stage as she continued her tale. “With these tools in hoof, I ventured across Equestria, using their power to undo the chaos that stained the land. Until at long last, I found the madpony himself behind it all. I plunged into battle,” Screwball exclaimed, diving toward the audience and stamping on the edge of the platform. “I fought with him using all of my skill and strength, until I was able to use the jewels’ magic against him! And with a single blast, the deed was done. Rejoice, my fellow ponies! For the cruel tyranny of Discord is over!” In place of the cheers she had expected, instead she was received with a steady chorus of muttering. Some ponies were trying to decide if they’d miss the wacky bloke’s visits, others wondered what would happen to the rain. More still were skeptical of an earth pony being able to use magic, and a few were just trying to make plans with each other now that the show was over. Screwball swallowed nervously as she looked around at the unimpressed faces of her audience. Fighting to stop her composure from slipping, her mind raced at a million miles an hour as she tried to think of where she had gone wrong. Should she have made up a longer story to make it exciting? Or was it too long to keep their interest going? No, it would have been better if it was longer if she had mixed in some more visual cues! Why didn’t she ask  She had been telling stories at fairs in Canterlot for years, how could she have given such an awful performance? Was she really so out of practice that she couldn’t even live up to her cutie mark and put on an entertaining show? How bad was she that she could deliver unbelievable, mind-blowing news and manage to leave ponies completely uninterested? At least the crowd wasn’t angry just yet. But after seeing this situation enough times from the outside, she knew when it was time to pick up and leave. Was this how Discord felt every time? The murmuring died down when a series of odd sounds came from the back of the crowd. A sea of stunned faces parted to allow Discord to stroll toward the purple mare, clapping with every step. “Great performance, Savvy! When’s the next show?” he said enthusiastically as he took his place next to her on the stage, giving her a light pat on the head. Her hero. “Alright, you got me up the pole on this one,” a pegasus spoke up. “Didn’t she just say you carked it?”   “She never said she killed me. I’m just not a ‘cruel tyrant’ anymore. I’m actually really nice now,” Discord explained, receiving some generous applause. “And for my first act in my new rule, I command you all to hit the beach! King Discord is going to throw you a shivoo like only I can!” The crowd exploded with excitement, stomping their hooves in applause and cheering with all the life they had in them. In only a matter of seconds, the Austallians had rushed back to their homes and began parading toward the shore, carrying grills, coolers, and all the food and drink they could find. Once the town was empty, Screwball finally exhaled. “Thank you,” Screwball said. Her voice was fluttering, but she was still grateful to have the unhappy experience behind her.          “No worries,” Discord imitated the Austallian accent, twisting his mouth into a crooked smirk. “I said that we’d improvise when things went wrong.” “Are you saying you were counting on this happening?” “We’ve done this routine how many times now without success? I’m actually surprised you let me talk you into it.” “...I’m going to kill you.” “You can’t kill what you can’t catch!” ---------- The Austallian’s celebration lasted for days, not that Screwball could use that knowledge to make any accurate guess about how long they spent on that beach. She was surprised at how much fun she had; she certainly never enjoyed herself that much at the Canterlot parties. The food, while strange, was delicious, she was able to impress more than a few ponies with her juggling and plate-spinning routine, and a very friendly mare was happy to give her lessons on some sport the locals invented that involved riding a wooden board on a wave (and Screwball couldn’t help but notice the pony wasn’t opposed when she held onto her when she got nervous). She even broke a few of her own rules and had some cider which made juggling more difficult, but somehow it became much more fun. Discord was naturally the life of the party. He served as the referee for the volleyball game, fixing the ball so that it would spray whoever hit it with some cream or jam or make some wild noise. He loved to tease Screwball whenever she got on the surfboard by skating around her, wearing a pair of rubber ducks as slippers as he glided around the wave. The spirit was shamefully thrashed when he challenged a group of ponies to a game of ‘Hoofy,’ failing to score a single goal in the whole game. As punishment, he had to drink an entire cider cloud himself and spent half of the party acting as dignified and sophisticated as any snob from Canterlot while still managing to stumble and trip with every step he made. Once everyone was too tired or smashed to keep going, the party broke up and they bid the town a fond farewell. They were invited to come back any time and were given two jars of some awful black paste that Discord couldn’t get enough of. Screwball couldn’t help but feel proud when she thought of how much the draconequus had grown since spinning plates in the ballroom. And when she saw those ponies laughing and cheering and living happily in spite of everything in the world around them, for the first time, Screwball wondered if this new chaotic world was really all that bad. “I can honestly say I didn’t expect it to go quite like that,” Screwball said once the wagon had its wheels back on Equestrian soil. “Life’s full of surprises,” Discord replied jubilantly. “Case in point, did I tell you that I have a marefriend?” Screwball’s eyes grew wide. “I think that it’s just life with you that’s full of surprises.” Discord’s witty quip was lost under the sound of a terrible roar that thundered from above them. The two slowly turned their heads upwards to see an enormous dragon circling several hundred feet above them. The beast gave another roar and dove toward the earth, the force of the impact knocking the wagon and its rider into the air. Screwball adroitly landed on her hooves and gulped at the sight of the scaly face, its eyes hungrily focused on the two. “...Case in point.” ---------- ‘This is intolerable. You have more than enough, why not share?’ ‘I see no reason why I should.’ ‘Sister, you’re bloated.’ ‘I prefer to think of it as healthily plump.’ ‘We’ll have to find a separate universe to keep you in if you get any “healthier”.’ ‘Have any one of you seen Brother Love? I am having difficulty locating him.’ ‘Maybe if we tip Life over we’ll find him flattened underneath her,’ Death sneered. ‘Or perhaps if we’re lucky he faded away into nothing like Harmony.’ ‘I’m still here,’ Harmony said softly. Her once vibrant and colorful aura was a pale imitation of its former self, and her spirit was barely a speck. It was a mystery to the other spirits how she was able to still cling to existence, though she was no less noticeable than she had been twenty years ago. ‘Worry not, I am among you!’ Love called theatrically before melting out of the emptiness of the spirit realm. ‘I was merely taking a moment to privately enjoy a wedding. It was lovely. The whole affair was decorated with blue roses and red violets. It’s inspiring how these ponies still manage to come together even in these difficult times.’ ‘More difficult for some than others, perhaps,’ Time said stolidly. Ponies had abandoned any hope of understanding time as a result of the unpredictable days and nights and changing of seasons. None of the spirits had ever seen one of their kind in so much pain as when Chaos would slow or accelerate the passage of time over miles of land. Time would morph and fold and shift and twist as though he were a ball of dough in a child’s hands, whimpering in pain as he tried to prevent himself from being completely torn apart. Death’s form shuddered in a growl. That this could even happen was unthinkable. He was once one of the most powerful among all his kin. And now he was holding on to existence by a thread. Chaos should have been the key to his ultimate victory! How could a spirit born from blood and fire be so utterly repulsed by death that he refused to let nearly any creature die? And now, here he was, desperately scrounging for meals, taking whatever meager scraps he could from rodents and plants that were unprotected by Chaos’ spell. Meanwhile his quim sister bulged with every rebirth, energy that should rightfully belong to him! He was barely any more powerful than Harmony, a thought that made him wish he could just fade away. No. He would not let this be his fate. Chaos’ rampage may not have increased his power as he had intended, but his plans were not foiled yet. And where his moronic brethren saw adversity, he saw opportunity. Death, after all, will always have the final word. ‘Brothers, Sisters, we cannot suffer like this any longer,’ Death spoke. ‘We weaken with every passing day, suffer as our rogue family runs amok with our world, tampering in our domains with no concern for us. He has already destroyed our Sister Nature. And I will not wait idly by until it is my turn to turn to nothingness.’ ‘Our initial attempts to intervene were fruitless. What action would you suggest?’ Time asked. ‘Brother Chaos ignores all reason—’ ‘All sympathy!’ Love interjected. ‘And even when he was weaker, he was able to overpower Sister Nature,’ Life added. ‘So, if we can not speak to him, appeal to any kindness, and with him adding to his own power every day, there is no hope of stopping him by force.’ ‘You are all correct. Which is why, for our own survival, we must take extreme measures. It would be impossible to remove Brother Chaos from Equestria now.’ Death glowed with an ominous light. ‘We must remove Equestria from Brother Chaos.’ ‘Brother, have you gone mad?!’ Love gasped. ‘You truly cannot be suggesting that we destroy—’ ‘It is either that or be destroyed ourselves, Brother Time,’ Death said sharply. ‘As long as we exist we can rebuild.’ ‘Maybe if we just explained to him what was happening, Brother Discord would change,’ Harmony offered weakly. ‘Sister, we already discussed how speaking to him is useless,’ Time replied. ‘No... No, I do believe our brilliant sister has an idea!’ Death shouted, surprising the others and especially surprising Harmony. ‘We speak to him personally one final time. All of us together. He can choose to surrender, or he can be destroyed along with his stolen world.’ ‘And what if he takes the third option?’ Love questioned. ‘Which would be?’ ‘I have to explain this to you? What happens if he decides to destroy us on the spot like Sister Nature? None of us have the power to stand up to him.’ ‘But we do,’ Death said as he drifted toward Life, the sheer difference in size between the spirits making it look like a beetle flying toward a star. ‘Sister Life has more than enough power for all of us. If he opposes us, we will have strength enough to stop him. And then we wouldn’t even need to destroy the world.’ Life became uneasy as she felt the attention of her brothers and sisters aimed directly at her. She hated her brother for his trickery. There was nothing she could do to change the situation. If she refused to give them form again, they would simply proceed with the original plan to destroy and recreate the world. And while the path of least destruction was more in line with her tastes, she could not help but feel it was another trap. Never, in all of creation, had Death ever agreed with Harmony, let alone compliment her. She knew he had some despicable scheme in store for all of them, but whatever twisted thoughts were brewing inside his mind were his alone to know. ‘What will it be, Sister?’ Death asked, his tone rich with sadistic pleasure. ‘The death of Chaos? Or the death of Equestria?’