//------------------------------// // Part 4 | 22 – Reaching Out (v2) // Story: Five Score – A Prench Tale Vol.1 // by Alsey //------------------------------// Laurence's View As the cloudy morning draws to a close, the ponies of Coursac are putting their tools down and start making their way back toward the house. Soon they'll all be busy cooking and eating their lunch, and I'll be sure to have some peace for what I need to do... From my spot under the trees, I watch them as they help each other wash up at the well, mindful of not getting any of the disinfectant-contaminated water in their eyes. With pumping and treating the water turning out to be too expensive, it's the only thing the well's good for – at least until Nature runs its course, one rainfall at a time. I guess there's a silver lining to how dreadful the weather has been these past few days, in addition to helping fill up the new rainwater tank faster. Soon I can get closer to the barn without having to brave unwanted gazes, and I get inside before being spotted. I'm doubly relieved to see that the place's empty, as I hoped, even if the lingering, heavy odor of so many ponies sleeping here is, somehow, tricking my mind into feeling like I'm not alone. It's far from how I'd imagine stables to smell like, but also far from a pleasant atmosphere. For a week I've been forced to sleep here among the equines, but I guess I won't ever get fully used to this big common dormitory. I miss the Vallières's guest room... Needing it for Chard was one thing, and no question about it, but our new 'guest' could've just booked an hotel room somewhere! And he'll only arrive later today, I could've had one good night! But no... Ivan's probably just too pleased to have the house mostly hooves-free again. Maybe being sent back to the barn was a good thing for Chard, though. He's a regular pony after all, and being among his kind will certainly help him feel better. At least his physical health is improving, that's for sure, and he may still be weak, the speed of his physical recovery remains astounding. Equestrian physiology does have some useful perks I guess – I'd bet magic is to blame once again. I wish Clem could benefit from it too... A relatively minor wound, yet she still has to keep her arm in a sling for a good week at least. Granted, that hasn't stopped her from slinking back on the field twice despite supposedly being on sick leave... And she scolded me for not taking it slow enough, of course! Anyway... I head for my cot, well away from the central pile of cushions that reeks of ponies, under the loft and just behind a post. It's the closest to a secluded spot I could manage, bar finding my way in the rafters where Pippin has her nest. And as I glance at the fluffy red pillow laying next to my sports bag, I'm reminded just how 'un-secluded' my spot really is... I shouldn't have been surprised that Dusky would be so determined to roost next to me. Well, that the colt would ask for it was something I'd resigned myself to, but I didn't expect him to still go through with it even after I said no! And of course once I woke up during the night with him curled up against me, I couldn't force myself to push him away..! All right, if I'm really honest with myself, this isn't as bad as I thought it'd be at first. If I keep my eye closed, I can almost convince myself that I'm just sleeping with a large cat... Sighing, I draw a wing out from under my sweater. I probably shouldn't have to always close my bag's zipper all the way up every time... but it's supposed to be fully closed, it's its default state, not staying half-open! Fortunately seizing the puller between two feathers and pulling the zipper open is an exercise I'm accustomed to by now, so I grab my phone with my mutilated hand and get the bag closed just as quickly. My 'hand'... My... Nope! Nope-nope-nope-nope-nope, none of these unproductive stray thoughts, Laurence! Focus on your task! Be pragmatic! So, phone! I was thinking of doing this elsewhere, but here will do just as well! Concentrating only on the results, I swiftly unlock the device, dial my sister's number, and turn the speakers on. Anxiety begins to raise its ugly head at the warped sound of the ringback tone, but I squash it without mercy, relegating it to the same temporary oblivion as any bodily concern. I'm just calling Mél back, like she asked me – there's no logical reason to get stressed, dammit! She answers at last: “Hey Laurence, thanks for calling me back!” Not like the situation left me much of a choice... “How are you?” “I'm okay.”, I lie. “So... What should we do..?” Mél sounds uncharacteristically nervous, and I can't fault her – our parents can get unbearably nosy when they want to. No wonder I was still happy to have to move out despite all the changes and complications to my routine. “Mom's calling me every evening to know if I've had you on the phone...” “That's why I asked you not to tell them anything in the first place...”, I grumble. “I didn't say a word about your 'condition'!”, Mél protests. “But they know I came to see you, Dad called me when I was on the road. And since then they've also grown worried after you took so long to answer their letter...” That damn letter..! It's not my fault checking my mailbox for a birthday card was the last thing on my mind at the time! I texted them as soon as Séb told me, that should've been enough! “And you didn't answer any of their calls...” “I send them texts every weekend!” “You know how Mom is... She can't help but come up with worst case scenarios, so of course they're asking me for details! They seem to lean toward the idea you're in the hospital or, well, committed... Dad took some paid leave for next week, they're planning on coming down to visit you.” I was afraid of something like that. In truth, this was pretty much inevitable, just as what needs to be done now... “So... What do we do? I'm not sure your idea is—” “No,” I counter firmly, “it's the only way, Mél. It's the same reason I needed you to come.” “Then wouldn't it be easier to ask them to come to your farm instead?” It would be easier. Logical, even. But it's not what I want... “Telling them what happened will be overwhelming enough, no need to add a whole pony community on top of that mess. They'll react better if we tackle the subject in a safe, familiar environment.” “... Maybe you're right.”, she answers after a moment. “Guess you need me to play taxi again, huh?” “Sorry Mél, I... I doubt they'd arrange a ride just for me...” “Figured as much. I can be here by tomorrow, around two.” “That'd be perfect, thank you. I'm not sure I could do this on my own...” “Don't worry li'l sis, I get it. See you tomorrow, all right?” “See you tomorrow, yes.”, I reply, and I sigh in relief as she hangs up. Of course I'm dreading to face Mom and Dad while looking like this, but if I have my big sister with me, I know that I'll be able to do it. I don't know how it'll go, but at least she'll be here to help if it all goes to hell... And whatever happens, it'll still be at least a couple days far away from Coursac..! I wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving before. Not when a single garde champêtre dropping by once a day, as skilled as she may be, was our only line of defense. Walking around, I've been able to confirm that the new members of our security detail are taking their job seriously, patrolling regularly around the farm, and having set up what I think are solar-powered game cameras. They didn't listen to my advice on which spots would be most strategic to place them, though. On the pony side of things, I also know that I can count on Alex to keep an eye out for trouble. The stallion is ready to pick up my patrols, and he has taken upon himself to train in hoof-to-hoof combat since Chard's rescue. I think he realized he may have been slightly overconfident in his abilities, or rather those of his past life as a guard – despite retaining little of these skills and knowledge. Maybe this is a case of jumping into the fire right out of the frying pan, but I'll be happy to escape that specific can of worms for at least a little while longer... It's difficult to miss all the discussions and diverging opinions ponies keep having concerning the revelation Amber delivered last Sunday. I do my best to avoid them, but it's not always easy when the young unicorn and I are expected to field regular inquiries about our brief interactions with Princess Luna. I'm lucky enough that Amber seems willing to take the responsibility of sharing the alicorn's good word upon herself, shielding me from the brunt of the uncomfortable questions... She's really a brave filly. Well then... I guess now I just have to wait for our special guest to arrive, and— “What was that about?”, comes a familiar colt's voice. ... Dammit. I turn to face Dusky, the sneaky little pegasus standing right behind me with his head cocked in interest. “I was just talking to my sister.”, I reply sternly. “And I don't appreciate to have my privacy invaded like that.” “Oh, sorry, I really didn't mean to...”, he mumbles, managing to sound contrite and look like the picture of innocence at the same time. “But you said something about seeing your parents?” Dammit!! I could just lie to him, pretend he's wrong – but that would only buy me a short respite. I can only imagine the scene he'd make tomorrow when Mél comes to pick me up... “They are getting worried, so yes, I plan on spending the weekend with them.”, I reluctantly confirm. “That's great! So when do we go?” “What.” “I hope they're nice, I can't wait to meet them!”, he starts gushing, his wings abuzz. “I've never really had grandparents before, but I've always heard they give you gifts and sweets all the time!” Is he really— “And it's gonna be so cool to get the whole family together, we'll play games, and share stories, and—” “Could you please drop that mask?”, I interrupt, gritting my teeth. “I thought we were past that!” “Uh?”, he blinks, his happy smile faltering. “We both know you're not a foal!”, I go on, his little game getting way too far to my liking. “And as much as you keep on acting like it, I'm not your mother, either!” I could understand that he'd need some degree of affection, stuck in a childish body and having to deal with an immature brain, and if ponies keep treating him like a foal, I guess it could be useful to have someone clear-headed on his side to help for various things... And, I'll admit, the tyke has somehow grown on me, especially once he started being honest with his feelings... But there's no good reason for him to keep pulling this kind of ridiculously childish act when it's just the two of us! However, instead of, I don't know, apologizing or backpedaling, like I'd expect from any rational being, he's frowning like I am the one acting out of line! “Seriously, what's your problem!?”, he blurts out, indignant! I fail to articulate anything substantial in the face of this absurdity, allowing him to continue: “You say that,” he rants, pointing an accusing hoof at me, “but everything you do shows that your heart sees me as a foal – as your foal!” “Hold it a second here, buddy!”, I yell. “This is just a role you chose to play – you told me so yourself! Well I for one refuse to play any role in this sort of senseless pony drama! I'm not a mother, and you're not a foal – we're just two damaged twenty-something adults cast into a situation we have no control over, and you know it, so start acting like it!!” Dusky takes a step back as if in shock, his ears folding against his skull. I know I may've sounded harsh, but I expected him to be an ally in all this, not— Wait, is he actually crying!? ... Yes, he is! Big tears erupting from his eyes, his small frame racked by each new sob! “Hey, stop that!” But he keeps on crying, even more so as his head droops and he starts hobbling away! “Oh come on!”, I protest in front of such corny and excessive behavior. “That's the oldest trick in the book! That's not going to work with me!” He doesn't heed my words, still on his way to the doors. “... Come on, get back here and stop the waterworks.” Still no reaction. He proceeds with his miserable little walk, wings shaking with each pained breath, tail hanging limp, sniffing loudly. Every strangled, high-pitched whimper is like an icy needle driven into my chest, cold tension suffusing my whole body as my limbs urge me to go after him, to hold him tight and try to hug his sadness away... but I shouldn't! It's– it's just a ploy, a masterful feint specifically geared to tug at my heartstrings, I know that! ... So why is it working so well!? He's almost at the doors, he's..! God-fucking-dammit, I can't!! “W-wait!” Rushing after the foal, I swerve between him and the exit, my own breath catching in my throat from the sudden emotions. He stops, thankfully, and raises his head to stare at me with his big moist, reddened eyes, the sorrow within like a silent accusation. I... I don't know what to say..! I don't feel like I'm wrong, but... “I... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled.”, I stammer lamely, unsure if this is the right thing to say, or if he expects something else, or if— His answer is to glomp my arm, clinging fiercely to me, and I lay down to better cradle him against my chest. The little runny muzzle finds its place in the crook of my arm, and I rock the foal gently, murmuring half-formed words in what I hope are soothing tones, and barely resisting the urge to nuzzle the top of his head... As my heart unclenches, and his tears slowly abate, I can't miss just how easily he played me. “... You're really an awful little manipulator, you know that..?”, I whisper, not as sternly as I would've expected. Dusky's last sob shifts into a little chortle, but for some inscrutable reason I can't bring myself to feel mad at him right now... “Soooo...”, comes his muffled, still strained voice, “we're going on a trip..?” I sigh deeply. This is the real issue here, huh? He doesn't want me to leave him behind. I shouldn't be surprised – many times he suggested that we could strike out on our own, that we're not beholden to this community. This isn't true in my case, as my mission requires me to help them, but if anything it proves Dusky hasn't really connected with any of the ponies here, not like he did with me. From what little he told me, his life before was pretty lonely too, never forming a close bond with his adoptive parents, and... Uuuuuuuuugh..! Why am I so weak!? “It's a 'maybe',” I finally concede, despite my reservations, “but... I'll think about it, all right? I don't want my parents to get any weird ideas. Showing up mutilated like that will already be a big pill to swallow, and... I don't want to overwhelm them with too much 'pony stuff', you see what I mean?” He wriggles a bit to better face me: “You can't go on rejecting everything 'pony' in your life all the time, you know..?”, he mutters, any trace of childish attitude gone. “What about your own feelings?” My 'feelings'... “What do you think I feel, exactly..?” “I think you feel a lot of anger and shame toward that pony you were, so you're being too hard on yourself, and you refuse to see the good things in a bad situation... Am I right or am I right?” *sigh* Can't really hide these things now that I've came clean, huh..? “Please Dusky, you have to understand... Who I am, it's the only thing I have left! This change ruined my life, it's a constant insult to my identity, to my humanity, and I can't think of any way to go back to how things were... But I can't let it win either! I refuse to bow down to the whims of this curse! My name is Laurence, I'm a twenty-five years old programmer who's a bit too lazy for her own good, and I'm still human! I'm not a pony. A pegasus even less. I know who I am, and I will reject with all my might anything that this curse's trying to force me to think or feel, even if it feels good! Especially if it feels good...” “Is it really worth destroying yourself over this?” This time I can't hold back a bitter laugh... “You don't get it, huh..? I'm already destroyed! I've lost the war the day I received this silly tattoo on my butt – hell, the day I was born, even! But I wont let the curse remold me into someone else. I wont let it have me. Maybe I'm only doing this out of spite, and yeah, I must admit that even to me it sounds petty and boneheaded, saying it out loud... But that's the only thing I have left..!” “You have me!”, he proclaims, hugging me tight. He's not wrong... “You and Amber, I know...” I hug the foal back, finding comfort in his warmth and the beats of his little heart. “And... And Sébastien, and my sister, and... And my parents, I hope...” ... Damn, it's my turn to cry, now..! Sweetchard's View I turn the radio on, and let myself sink into the stack of hay in the corner, behind the old couple's car. Where I know I won't be bothered, and I won't bother anypony else... Barn in the morning, garage the afternoon, easy and simple, it works well. As long as I make a show of helping with the cooking and the dishes, they seem happy enough to leave me alone. Just hours of mind-numbing music, in peace... “Aaaand this wraps up another non-stop session of the greatest hits! Had a good time, didn't we? Can't help but hum and snap your fingers to the beat!” ... Or it'd be, if they could hold back from spouting their nonsense so damn often. And what's with these hairless monkeys always finding ways to mention their damn fingers or hands or whatnot, seriously!? Only station that doesn't come out as more static than music and can't even, like, try to imagine it could just be another pony holding the mic or something, no! Always have to remind us... They still surround us. It's still their world. And it's like they want to make sure we don't forget it. “I'll leave you for a red-hot minute with Natasha for the weather and the news, but remember folks, only two hours left today to call and try to win your ticket to Miami, an absolutely crazy week in store for you and a guest in the most awesome city in the States!” Well, there's that, and this idiot dangling a direct way to the US right under my nose any time he can... Eh... Wish all it'd take really was a darn phone call. Jump in a plane, and off to the other side of the Atlantic, just like that. Just like Sarah. ... I look down at the large beige hoof at the end of my foreleg, peeking through the curtain of long dirty hair. Hard to think there were fingers here, once. Doesn't matter anyway... Never mattered. Just wish I could forget it. Just wish we could all forget it. Forget her. They thought they had a daughter. A sister. I was none of these things... Never really been part of their family. Just some kind of impostor, inserted into their lives without our knowing. All part of a buckin' curse... Theirs as much as mine. Wish I could forget, but I can't. I know they can't either. I'm not sure a simple email is sufficient, but... I hope it'll give them at least some measure of closure. From now on, Sarah will have moved to the US. She happened upon a one-in-a-lifetime work opportunity, and jumped on it. That's why she disappeared all of a sudden, and she's been so very busy... But she's happy, and that's the important thing. Yes, she's happy, and successful, at last. She's not a good-for-nothing stallion, or what's left of him... My ears turn lazily at voices coming from outside. Multiple hoofbeats... ... But also footsteps! I quickly turn the radio off, listening as that human approaches, the garage doors being pulled open. “Welcome to our office!”, I hear Violette say cheerfully as she enters. “Please don't mind the cooking smells.” “I'll do my best not to.”, a stranger answers with a chuckle, his voice deep and masculine – probably the human. At least two other ponies enter after them, gathering in the corner of the computer desk, and I let myself relax a little bit. Violette knows him, and we're not alone even if he tried something. But what's a human even doing here in the first place? “So, how have things progressed since this weekend?”, the man asks. “Opinions are mixed.” Olivier states; are all our leaders here? “As you can imagine, not everybody's enthused by the implications, especially after we as a community decided to hold on to our lives before the change.” Ah... He's speaking about whatever Amber told them while I was... While I was away. “Of course,” the stallion goes on, “we were suspecting that this 'Equestria' existed in some capacity, but the idea that there'd be a way to get there certainly wasn't in the cards. Some are naturally curious, but the fear of another attack on the farm is, I think, the decisive factor motivating those who'd want to leave.” Yeah, no kidding..! I've been telling them every chance I get, they can patrol all they want, we'll never be completely safe here, not anymore! We should leave this buckin' country and this buckin' world behind first chance we get! Fenchone clears her throat. “We're thankful for the additional resources you've allocated to our protection, but will it change anything?” Of course not! “Do we even have leads on how they found us?”, the earth mare questions. “Nothing conclusive I'm afraid. They received an anonymous call detailing the location of the farm, just one week before the incident, but they didn't provide any more detail.” “So for all we know this could've even come from your own staff...”, Keensight remarks pointedly. “It's the first thing I checked...”, the man answers, sounding offended by the accusation. “And nothing turned up. While we can't exclude the possibility altogether, information's tightly controlled, and none of those in the know would've anything to gain by endangering you; quite the contrary...” Pretty lame answer. So, basically, it's just 'don't worry you can trust us'!? What a load of horseapples! “Offsetting that fear is the uncertainty of what Equestria would be like, though.”, Violette notes. “According to what the Princess said, the creature Discord would still be in power, and would've had the past twenty-five years to consolidate his position. She clearly suggested that he'd have to be taken down by force, so leaving for Equestria right now would amount to going to war...” “That's what I gathered from your initial report. And I hope you'll understand the idea of sending a bunch of our citizens to another country to wage war isn't something that can be considered lightly.” “But here comes the other important point...”, Fenchone adds somberly. “Aren't we also citizens of Equestria..?” For half a minute no-one dare discuss this last truth. “Not under the law, no.”, the man finally says. “Even if I doubt any modern law's ever been written taking reincarnation and curses into account...” “Then maybe it's time to write new ones?”, the earth mare suggests. “Just as you needed to recognize our former identities.” “It's... a little more complicated than that.”, Violette cautions. “All the same, we can't just sweep this under the rug! This would give us true legitimacy!” Fenchone's argument clearly doesn't convince the man: “I'm still not sure it's the best course of action... Up until now you've all been citizens afflicted by an unknown condition, but if you claim another status, what does that make of you? Immigrants from another planet altogether, usurping the identity of humans who'd have disappeared under mysterious circumstances..?” “Our situation would be more akin to political asylum than an 'invasion of the body-snatchers' plot...” “You really think that you'd have an easier time being seen as refugees, in this country..? Trust me, officially we should keep to our first version.” “But that crosses out most plans relating to the US, am I right?”, Olivier asks. “For now, yes...”, the human sighs. “We don't even know if the US government has an 'official' stance on the pony issue yet, and in the midst of these tensions with Canada any kind of covert border-crossing would be ill-advised, to say the least.” “So what..?”, Keensight grumbles. “We stay put in our little pony reservation until the end of times, that's it?” “Only for a short while, I promise you. We're hard at work informing officials all around the country and raising awareness of pony issues. Our objective is for you to be reunited with your families, and go on with your lives in peace and security, and we'll keep doing everything we can to accomplish that goal.” “Well, sounds like I've arrived just at the right moment.”, Rafale chimes in from the garage's doors. Uh? What's she doing here? I thought she avoided this kind of discussion like the plague..? “Laurence Ségaux, I presume?” “Herself.”, the pegasus answers, moving towards the group and shaking hand with hoof I guess. “And you are?” 'Laurence'... Why is she still persisting with this? I was right from the start, calling her Rafale! It's even more ironic that she was the first one in the know! Talk about being in denial... ... Not that I wouldn't have things to say on the subject myself, if I'm being honest... And being mean to her wouldn't be very nice of me, after she helped me write that email. “Antoine de Cerdan, it's a pleasure to meet you. First off,” the human declares, “I would like to give you my thanks, for everything you did and are still doing for your fellow ponies, and my apologies, for having failed to prevent all the trouble and danger you had to go through while doing so...” “Thanks. I have the perfect way for you to make up for it.”, Rafale replies without hesitation. “And, er, that would be..?” “I will spend the weekend at my parents', in Noirétable, but a friend would like to accompany me. Would that be all right with you?” She's... Wait, she's leaving the farm, just like that!? And I'm not the only one left dumbstruck by her declaration! “You... You're supposed to stay in Coursac, for, well, for your own protection!”, the man manages to get out. I can feel her squinting from here: “I thought your objective was to reunite us with our families..?” “Well, yes, of course, but I was expecting this part to occur a little further down the road! As you're well aware, security concerns are at an all-time high since the latest incident, and I don't think it'd be wise to leave Coursac for the time being.” “My parents are worried now.”, she counters, not backing down. “They're already harassing my sister because they know she's covering for me – they just don't know why yet. So it's a question of acting preemptively, or waiting for the disaster when they come looking for me... I'd think, in this case, our interests are aligned.” “Antoine, I... I agree that this isn't really according to plan,” Violette intervenes, “but I understand her situation. It's not something that can be dealt with just through a phone call... It's her family, and if she thinks this is necessary, then I support her.” “Besides,” Olivier muses, “I wouldn't put it past her to go whether you want it or not...” “It's... You have to understand that this isn't just on me, keeping you all contained is part of the compromise we've brokered with the government – you stay put, and you don't have to be kept in a detention facility.” Luisard told me once about the kind of 'holding cells' he's been locked in before he arrived in Coursac... It didn't sound pleasant. “Didn't this compromise also stipulate that our safety would be ensured as long as we followed your rules..?”, Keensight comments dryly. “One of us is paying dearly for these empty words.” ... I... I don't remember much of how it happened, but... “Mr. de Cerdan, I don't want to put you in a bad position, but I need to do this. It'll only be a brief round trip to reassure my parents. I won't leave their house for the duration of my stay, and I'll make sure my friend does the same if he's allowed to come. No one will be the wiser, and even if word gets out, it'll just prove to your bosses that we're not dangerous animals to be locked in cages, but citizens like any others.” “Please, Antoine. She has done a lot for us, she deserves it. I vouch for her.” Silence hangs in the air for a moment, before I hear the human letting out another deep sigh: “I still believe this is a bad idea, but I will consider it, all right? If – and I insist on the 'if' – we go along with this, it'll be you and only you, strictly off the records, and I expect you to act with the utmost care and secrecy, for your sake, your family's, and this community's; is that clear?” “Crystal. I'm not the kind of person who looks for trouble, trust me.” Not sure how much I'd trust her considering her attitude and wounds, if I didn't know her better. Now I know that it's actually trouble that's on the lookout for her..! At least she never stops, even after everything that keeps happening to her... Still holding on to her beliefs, soldiering on despite losing an eye, being sliced open and... ... She's so much stronger than I'll ever be..! Here I am, hiding from everything, just because I... Just because I can't even..! Just because I can't even... Can't even admit it to myself, dang it!! Gosh I'm such a complete idiot..! And now the hoof of that stupid leg's hurting again, of course... ... I think Rafale left during my breakdown. The others are back to debating about legal stuff and our future, but I tune them out, consciously this time. I'm tired, maybe a nap would do me good... I open my eyes, weary of pretending I'm asleep – even if it's just pretending to myself. Blaming my attempt at an early afternoon nap would be easy, but nap or not I haven't been able to get a full night's sleep since... Well, since I've been back on the farm. It's not even nightmares anymore, just... I don't know. The nightmares were a problem at first, but now I wake up before they have a chance to start. Small favors, I guess... Maybe there's also this... This feeling, that if I close my eyes, and I sleep, I... I may wake up there again... The straps around my fetlocks, the cold steel on my right side, that smell, and— Alright, we're getting up!! Rolling from the cushion, this time I remember that I can't push with my bad leg; it hurts like heck when I do, and it kills my balance. Just have to put my hindleg a little more inward, forelegs a little more spread out... And voilà, no issue! Standing, I look upon the sleeping ponies around me, with no small pang of envy. I wish I could enjoy my rest just as much... It feels a little weird to see the tribes actually sleeping side-by-side now, with Poudlard brought down and Pégase Palace mostly deserted. Hard to believe it's all thanks to Amber, goes to show how even ponies you thought you knew can still surprise you! Maybe that's why they look up to her so much now, at least whent it comes to the Equestria issue and how to get there. Well, that or the princess stuff. Mares and stallions still tend to stay among themselves at least, with a couple exceptions. Crispy and I were two of the latter before, but... But now that I'm back from the house, and she's still sleeping with Fleur and their friends, and I... I'm not sure if she'll ever want to go back to how it was, if that is even possible, or something else. She's been so distant since I've been up and about and didn't require as much help... Even the guys keep their distance sometimes, like they're afraid I'm gonna break more if they so much as bump into me – except Luisard. Didn't talk much before, but he's been looking out for me since I'm back, I'd think we're good friends now. That sure is one benefit of Amber's meddling... I think he too's dealing with bad dreams he doesn't want to talk about, though at least he can sleep, deeply enough I don't wake him up when I— A slight movement brings my eyes towards the shadows under the loft, but it's only Rafale's ear perking. She's the one who has problems with insomnia. It's during one of these sleepless nights that she helped me write that email for my– for Sarah's family... She even was the one holding on to my phone, Crispy had given it to her... But I don't think the pegasus mare will join me tonight. By now she knows nothing's amiss, and she doesn't like to disturb the foal sleeping against her. It's funny, I'd never had pegged her as the maternal type. Ponies really do end up surprising you. Not always in a good way... Pushing the barn doors open, I stagger outside. It's cold, and drizzling, but I don't really mind; it's not because I can't sleep that I'm not tired, so this is actually quite invigorating. The moon's hidden behind dark clouds, but I can still see enough to orient myself. I head straight for the garage. Walking's getting easier with some practice, even if it's still so very slow. My forelegs do the same work, but my hindleg must do longer strides to catch up, it's the only support for my hindquarters and it has to stay on the ground as much as possible. It's not even a real stride, more like a quick little jump, and gotta be mindful not to overextend too much, busting my balance – or not enough, and ending up treading water. My bad leg still tries to move, but it just flails uselessly in the air now, missing the comforting contact with the earth... Even if, for some reason, I sometimes have the acute feeling that my missing hoof has stepped on invisible shards of glass. *sigh* No wonder I don't walk much these days... Like I kinda expected, the garage's doors are standing ajar. As I approach, they're gently pushed a little more open from the inside, and I'm grateful; dealing with doors isn't as easy now. Shaking the water out of my coat as I enter, I don't need more light than the scant amount filtering from behind me to catch sight of the other pony here. She's back perched on the old couple's car, her big eyes almost shining, staring at me while still avoiding my gaze, somehow. I don't mind her, as usual, going for the kitchen corner, and I see that she has already switched the electric kettle on. Her big ears are as impressive as ever. No wonder she was so good at escaping notice until she chose to reveal herself. My mysterious, elusive sleepgardener... I'd bet my tail that Rafale asked her to keep an eye on me during the night. I can't really see why she'd be here otherwise, peering at me from a safe distance, always on her guard. The strange mare's clearly not here for conversation, though sometimes she hums along with the music, when it's to her liking. Or she could be reading a book, or nibbling on a fruit. 'Pippinstrelle', I've been told she's called. A bit of a mouthful, perhaps, but it still has a nice ring to it. Paying no more attention to her, I sit to start fixing myself some hot chocolate. The little ritual of my nights, a mug of the chocolate goodness, laying in the hay listening to the radio, and waiting... Not that I could do much else anyway... I pour the hot water into the mug, then the brown powder, stirring it all with a random chopstick held between my lips. I'm still not sure why we even have chopsticks in the first place, I've never noticed anypony using them. What's getting a fair amount of use, in comparison, are the pot-holders. When you need your mouth a lot while cooking, it's a good idea to have something to protect it – like right now. Before I'd hold a mug like this one with a hoof, or between hoof and fetlock at least. Now I can't spare a foreleg for that anymore... Well, I could, probably, if my balance was any good, but my gait's already shaky enough as it is, no need to try this kind of acrobatics and risk losing my hot chocolate. So, instead, I use my mouth, bending my neck to keep the mug mostly upright. I shuffle methodically across the garage, focusing on not spilling my drink on the floor or on my muzzle, just one step at a ti— My bad leg spasms with the distinct feeling of something stabbing the frog of its hoof, I stumble in surprise! Not now!! “Buck!”, I blurt out without thinking, and the mug slips from my mouth! I recoil instinctively, away from the incoming splash of scalding liquid. Yet the sound of ceramic shattering on the hard floor never comes. Blinking, I gawk at the petite mare standing in front of me, the steaming mug caught mid-air by the tip of her bat-like wings. I didn't even hear her move. Even more startling are these eyes of hers. Pupils gleaming softly in the near-dark, so dilated the irises are just thin rings around them, this intense gaze boring into mine, expression hard to pinpoint. And then her ears fold back suddenly, and she lets out a strident yelp: “Eeeeck, hot!” The mare stamps madly in place, but still holds the mug perfectly stable, and swiftly puts it on the floor before darting back to the top of the car. I watch her as she sucks on her wingtips, moaning pitifully, then I look down at the mug. Not a drop spilled. Let's avoid any more feats of juggling for tonight, shall we..? I lay myself down in front of my hot chocolate, trying to find a comfortable position on the floor, minding my bad leg. Pippinstrelle is back to staring, but there's something, in the way she holds her head, or how her wings sit, that seems subtly different from earlier. “Thanks.”, I tell her before taking a careful sip, not expecting an answer. “You're welcome...”, she mumbles, almost too softly to be heard. Well... Ponies and surprises again... At the very least, dialogue has finally been opened. Amber Spire's View I can't help the shiver jarring my body from head to tail, even if it has less do to with the chilly, humid weather than with the distressing sight of Mélanie's car vanishing behind the trees. Laurence just left, with her suspiciously Dusky-shaped sports bag. We didn't even talk about it; she only mentioned her plans after she'd already discussed them with Mom and the others! Why didn't she say anything? Knowing her, I doubt this was a spur-of-the-moment decision! Sure, she has good reasons, no arguing with that, but... ... Why did she have to go now? I turn back towards the farm, reluctantly. Ponies are running around, trying to squeeze in as much work as possible between two rainshowers. Droplets are already beginning to fall though, so I'm not the only one heading back towards shelter. I'm about mid-way up the path when Sèlengrain and Marnepâle join me, both carrying their muddy tools on their back. “Hey Amber,” the stallion greets me, “just saw Laurence off, huh?” “Yes...”, I sigh. “I hope she'll be back soon.” He raises his scarred eyebrow, the only trace he was ever injured during Sweetchard's rescue. “I thought it was just for the weekend?” “Oh it is, yes, but...” “Don't worry, I'm sure she'll be fine!”, he smiles, not understanding the true nature of my plight. “If I got it right, her sister already knows, so it'll smooth things out. And if it goes well, maybe that'll convince everybody that we can really reunite with our families!” “That is a good prospect.”, Marnepâle nods. She then addresses me directly: “How is the Equestria question progressing?” Dang it..! “It's, er... It's progressing, but slowly.”, I stammer, searching for a way to spin this positively. “We're carefully weighting every option, see how to best solve all the issues, so yeah, it takes a little time, I'm sorry...” “Aww, don't sweat it!”, the stallion chuckles. “We've got time, and there's a lot of things we have to deal with first – like putting this farm back on tracks.” “From what I understood, Luna requested assistance.”, Marnepâle objects. “Time could actually be of the essence.” Please don't say it like that..! “We can't just teleport over the Atlantic, Marnie... This kind of thing can't be organized overnight, but don't worry, we'll find a way! Right, Amber?” “Yes, of course, that's what I'm here for!”, I confirm, hiding my discomfort behind a copious amount of enthusiasm. Fortunately we arrive in front of the house, and Marnepâle and Sèlengrain continue on their way towards the tool shed, leaving me standing in view of the garage. I can see a bunch of ponies inside, their attention focused on one side of the room. The side where a human is sitting, debating with our four leaders, including Mom... I hurry towards the barn before they notice me, scurrying inside the empty building, and I let out a relieved sigh. I know I should be with them, arguing my case. Trying to come up with some way to abide by the Princess's command, despite Antoine always shooting down every single one of my proposals yesterday... Despite Mom and the others always ending up agreeing with him. Maybe what hurts the most is that she bows so quickly to his words... She's supposed to advocate for the same thing as I am, to help me in this mission! But no, instead she keeps giving that man the doe-eyes, and I'm getting nowhere... I've a hard time imagining her giving her blessing to Laurence, if Antoine was really that reluctant! And where does that leave me, at the end of the day..? I'm supposed to guide my friends safely back to Equestria, I promised them I'd do my best, and yet we're still stuck at square one! Ponies keep asking me what we're gonna do, what's the plan, and I've nothing to tell them! Nothing but 'we're discussing it', and even that's not even true! Mom and Antoine said we had to wait and keep talking about more questions of identity and rights and political moves which yes, it's important, obviously, but they don't seem to realize in what kind of position this leaves me in! Ponies are counting on me, and I'm failing them..! Of course there's always the temptation to just bypass them, and... And what, really..? Just start walking in a direction, ponies filing in behind me, trusting my compass and hoping for the best? Mom would never let me... And even then, putting so much blind faith into my talent would certainly prove perilous. My goal's too distant, too nebulous; I can perceive the first few steps, like in which direction we should trek out of Coursac, but the path after that is shifting, unclear, and it gives me headaches if I try to envision it further, staying frustratingly beyond my grasp... Oh I'm sure it'd still work, and that I'd end up where I want to, but how long would it take? What would that path require, in terms of preparations, supplies, or equipment? I can't guide ponies on this journey if I don't even know anything else than 'eventually we'll reach our destination'! What if the path my compass points us to demands sacrifices? What if it'd only guide me, only care about my safety? My talent's just dumb and overly literal sometimes... I'm at an impasse, while everypony's counting on me, and... ... And it's now that Laurence decides to take a little vacation, just when I need her the most! Wandering through the barn, I glare at the spot where she's been sleeping recently, now deserted. Did she use her family as a pretext to get away from the new normal? I know it's difficult for her to hear about this stuff, about Equestria, about our past lives, how uncomfortable this makes her feel... She's my friend, so of course I've tried to shield her, to make things a little easier for her, but I can't do this alone either..! Now they all come to me expecting answers and solutions, and I can't just tell them to stop, that I don't have a clue and it's out of my control! Yet the Princess put her trust in me... It must be for a reason! I end up next to my bag, and on a whim I open it, levitating out the worn softcover so dear to my heart. I wish that book could once again provide me with an inkling of which way to go, and... Maybe it could, actually..? It feels strangely appropriate that Fate would draw more similarities between myself and the beloved protagonist. I magic the book open, contemplating the title page, and the symbol I drew there so long ago. Usually I would never dream of defacing a book this way, but after seeing the original English covers, compared to the sadly uninspired French ones, I felt compelled to add, on that page, something that was sorely missing: the key symbol reoccurring throughout the narrative. Two crescents, with a circle between them, representing the moon cycle, and the patron deity of the main character. “Tamír, you were chosen by the Moon to serve your people, and you never led me astray before... So, er... You wouldn't have any tips..?”, I whisper to the book, only half-jokingly. But of course, the fictional boy-turned-queen has no answer for me. Laurence is gone, Mom isn't helping, they're all waiting for me to do something... I'm on my own to find a way, to guide these ponies home safely, and... ... I've no idea what I should do! I'm just a random filly with barely any magical potential, I've no experience leading anypony, and taking all these critical decisions, and– and the Princess is supposed to know best! She should know I can't do what she wants me to! Couldn't she visit somepony else!? Was it because of my speech to the others? I was just talking out of my ear, that shouldn't be a gauge of my abilities! No, Mom would've been perfect for this kind of thing, not me! Or even Laurence! She already gave her a mission, couldn't she just, I don't know, send her an addendum or something!? Heck, why does the Princess have to go through us, can't she organize things herself!? She's the one with the authority, who has the clout to meet and negotiate with humans! Seriously, what can I do that she can't!? She's an alicorn princess! How could I ever compare!? Ugh, and here comes the migraine..! I stash the book away and trot out of the barn, back outside and into the fresh air. This is really going to my head, and that's certainly not going to help..! Maybe I should just try to relax for a bit, if things aren't moving forward anyway. Once Laurence's back I'll feel a little better, and we will... Well, we'll think of something! My hooves guide me around the barn, and towards the woods. At least I won't stay in the open and end up with a soggy mane... Other good point, I doubt anypony's around right now. Just the splish-splash of rain on the leaves far above me, the clip-clop of my hooves on the soil, some songbirds in the distance, and no uncomfortable questions... So anyway, relaxing! What could I do? Ah shucks, I should've thought about getting my phone, I could've checked if some of these fanfictions had updated! I don't feel like turning back, though... Usually when I go to the woods it's for training with Laurence, but she's conspicuous by her absence, of course... Not that it'd change much, as of late I feel like my skills are stagnating despite her tutelage. Maybe it's because we've spent more and more time studying her own magic instead? At the time the challenge sounded more appealing than keeping on practicing the same boring 'hit-the-leaf-with-a-rock' stuff, but we barely made headway on the subject. We haven't done much this week either, considering her injuries and all. Too bad, I really wanted to work on that laser beam. Now I'm sure I can do it, but... If only Laurence had allowed me to try it out for real beforehoof, maybe I wouldn't have foundered so hard during the rescue! With more practical experience with that spell, I may've been able to better manage my energy, and I wouldn't have drained myself with one single beam... Though what's stopping me now, really..? *snort* With my luck, I'll probably cause a forest fire... It seems I'm reaching a more rocky part of the woods, as I'm walking up the slope of the hills overlooking the farm. Maybe I could find some big stones to use as targets, then? If there's large enough ones I could do some levitation training, too! My mind set, I quicken my pace to a trot, glancing around for a promising outcrop peeking out from under the ferns. That shouldn't be too hard, right? A good little isolated place, while still being on the farm grounds... I'd really appreciate something like this these days. Oh, but isn't that a clearing over there? Yes, just what I'm looking for! If I need large rocks, it'd stand to reason that somewhere with lots of erosi— My right forehoof misses the ground. Before I can react my left's already in the air! I topple forwards, eyes going wide as I see myself falling head-first into a massive hole in the earth!! No!! I've barely time to react as my barrel smashes against the hole's stony brink, forcing the air out of my lungs! No no no no no!! My hindlegs splay over the ground behind me and instinctively search for any kind of hoofhold, before the void swallows me whole! Please no..! It's like the distant bottom of the chasm's trying to pull me in, but in the span of a single second that feels like an eternity, this bloodcurdling sensation starts to lessen, and even though my eyes are still glued to the rocks bellow, I'm not rushing toward them anymore! For a brief, terrible moment, I fear it won't be enough, that the hole's just toying with me, that it'll claim me still..! ... Until my tilt stabilizes completely, forelegs dangling in the emptiness, neck arched as far back as it'd go, hindlegs and tail tangled in ferns and roots. I wait for what must be at least a full minute, frozen, and only once I'm absolutely sure I won't tip over do I dare breathe again. Oh gosh..! That– that was waaaaaaay too close!! What is this hole doing in the middle of the woods!? The thing is like the Earth itself had opened its mouth, waiting for its unsuspecting meal to fall in, with the jagged rocks along the rim like hungry teeth ready to snap shut! And it's so freakin' big, you could almost fit the whole barn inside and still have some room above the roof! Trees and bushes and ferns grow right up to the edge, masking almost completely the deadly drop until you get right up to it... Is that why Laurence usually avoids this part of the farm grounds during her patrols? This is awfully dangerous, if I had trotted just a little bit faster it would've been my doom! But it's all right, I didn't fall, it's– it's all right! Just breathe in, breathe out, calm down, everything will be all right... Breathe in, breathe out... Okay Amber, that's it, just keep calm, take your time, and let's try to get out of this pickle without killing ourselves..! Carefully, I begin to fold my forelegs towards my chest, hooftips coming into contact with the rocky cliff just under me. The idea would be to get my elbows back against the ground then crawl away or push myself up, but to do that I need to bounce a little, to lift the front of my body just enough to clear the brink... But I hesitate; what if I slip forwards instead? Or I untangle my legs in the process, or the stone's dislodged by the sudden movement, or... Or I'm just an idiot. Gathering as much magic as I can, I direct it under my own body and use it like a misshapen spatula, hoisting myself clear of the hole. This is already putting quite the strain on my horn, good thing I'm a featherweight! As soon as my forehooves can touch ground I disperse my aura and lurch away, heart pounding in my ears and migraine flaring; I've made it! Well, talk about relaxing..! This was far too much emotions for one day! Seriously, somepony should put fences or signposts or whatever, this is criminally dangerous! You certainly won't see me gamboling in these woods ever again! ? Though... Maybe... This could actually turn out to be an unexpected opportunity..? Daring to move back towards the hole, nice and slowly this time, I'm able to fully appreciate it for what it really is... Or rather, what it could be. Now that I'm not fearing for my life, the large sinkhole doesn't look so threatening anymore; it's just a natural formation in the middle of the forest, not some trap waiting to be sprung... And it may be the perfect spot to practice my magic! Surveying the place, I quickly notice that there's been a landslip in the right-hoof corner of the roughly elliptical chasm, sediments and boulders forming what could serve as a makeshift ramp. Soon I'm putting it to the test, being cautious of any traitorous stone that could expedite my descent, and I find myself at the bottom of the hole. It doesn't look so awful from down there. Plant life is pretty scarce, mostly mosses, lichens and some ferns. Little puddles are starting to form from the light rain, between the oddly-shaped roc— Wait no, it's not rocks, it's bones..! That hole is littered with old grimy, brownish bones, even full skeletons! Some look disturbingly close to pony size, though most remind me more of rabbits and such. I suppose they too thought this was a clearing at first, and weren't as lucky as I've been... Er... This may be a little too much on the ghastly side as far as training grounds go; it feels like I'm standing in the middle of a graveyard! The Dead may not want to harm me, but even for me that's straining it. That's too bad, it really could have been great here otherwise, lots of space and— I stop in my tracks, and shudder as I behold this nest of shadows carved out into the rock cliff. It's the mouth of a cave, partly obscured by the remnants of a tree that must've fallen from above some time ago. There's already little light reaching the bottom of the hole, with the cloudy sky, the surrounding walls of stone, and the encircling woods, but this... This is almost black as night, and as I stare into it, I'm intensely reminded of Nietzsche's 'the abyss will also gaze into you', but in its most literal interpretation... Heck, I thought the hole itself was scary enough, but if anything, this looks like a dark maw ready to swallow me! ? And yet I walk closer, strangely intrigued. I know it's stupid, but the way the old tree's laying, almost hacked in half, it looks like the cave itself took a bite right through it! ? Not that I ever had an interest in spelunking, but for some reason that cave's still holding my attention. Now that I'm standing just in front of it, it actually doesn't look that frightening! That tree hasn't been hacked or anything of course, it's just been rotting from the middle, mostly clearing the path. The cave seems large enough for me to fit without having to duck my head, if only just so... Maybe a little exploring is really what I need to relax? I could even ask somepony if they're interested in accompanying me, and if we can get a flashlight that could make for a fun little adventure! ? Though it wouldn't hurt to have a quick look at it myself first, right? I can't go too deep without a light source, but— horn Oh but of course, my own horn can be my flashlight! Silly me, I should remember more often that magic is so much more than an alternative to hands! I wonder if it comes easier for naturally-born unicorns? Well, I guess I was born a unicorn once, but past-Amber hasn't really left me a manual. Maybe magic would work better for me if she had... She seems a lot more skilled than I am in my nightmares! Anyway, enough digressions; we've got ourselves a cave to explore! My migraine is slowly abating, so I don't have much issue channeling a bit of energy in the outermost layer of my horn. I let the aura shine through, bathing the entrance of the cave in reddish light, and I go in, thankful to be out of the rain. I take my time, as even like this I can only see about two and a half body-lengths in front of me, and I haven't cheated death earlier just to fall into a random crevice now. Water's trickling somewhere, maybe in more than one place, the pitapat echoing all around me. It's the only sound beside my own hoofbeats. Speaking of, I feel like I've walked for a little while now. Looking behind me, I'm not surprised to only meet darkness; I had the feeling that the tunnel was curving slightly. 'Not surprised', sure, but that doesn't stop me from tickling nervously at my compass, confirming that yes, the way to the exit is still clear and distinct... Another feeling I can confirm is that I'm going steadily downwards into the bowels of the Earth. The floor is slightly furrowed in the middle, a thin rivulet flowing between my hooves; could this be an old, dried-up underground river or something? Gosh, with the rain outside I hope that rivulet isn't going to become a raging torrent! Maybe this wasn't so great an idea after all..? But I should continue. It's true that I've already come this far, it'd be a shame to turn back now; I could be this close to making an amazing discovery! Have any kind of cave paintings been found in the region in the past? From memory they're more common a little more up north, but who knows? For now though, the walls are bare, awash with red, shadows drawn starkly. From time to time, the play of the light over the asperities and fissures seems to reveal wicked claws, voracious jaws, or sneering faces, all in this hue so eerily close to that of fresh blood... Oh gosh dang it, it's my own magic, it shouldn't be that spooky..! And this is getting tedious... Exploring isn't as fun or relaxing as I thought, not when it's just walking in a damp cramped space while being on edge for any new pitfall. To top it off, between levitating myself earlier and using my horn as a torch I've already put a sizable dent in my magic reserves... So much for training, too. But I should continue. I don't know what's spurring me so hard, it's not like taking a stroll in this creepy cave is doing me any good... And this freakin' tunnel is endless! But I guess I could at least push just a little further... *sigh* ... All right, but for no more than five minutes; after that, I get my tail out of here pronto! So, I doubt the scenery's changed that much in a couple ste— I stop, only now noticing that the walls of the tunnel are more distant, of about half a body-length on each side. It's easy to tell, my aura doesn't shed as much light on the rocks as before, and I'm sure that wasn't the case last time I looked! Glancing back, I confirm that this widening only occurred in the last few meters. Chancing a little more light, I put this next section of the tunnel into sharper focus... or at least I try to. It's widening even more in only a few meters' span, until I just lose the walls altogether! Gosh, it must be a large chamber, at last! Casting my light around, I expect to find stalagmites or the like, but no... Except for the rivulet's furrow, the floor is surprisingly smooth and featureless. Following the wall to my left from the tunnel's exit, I don't find the expected rock formations either; it looks almost more carved than natural... Back to the tunnel, I try to follow the rivulet through the large chamber, see where it'd lead me, but I stop when I see it disappearing down a dark crevice. A crevice that goes on as much to the left as to the right, and I can't see beyond it either... How large is this thing..? I increase the strength of my aura, despite starting to feel more than a bit short on magic. Wow..! The large chasm in the middle of the woods was already impressive, but it has nothing on this! This is a real abyss, stretching all the breadth of the cavern, with no bottom in sight, and even straining my eyes, I can only catch the barest hints that there's something on the other side..! I suppose the exploration is coming to an end... I don't see how I could cross that, and I certainly won't try! It's just so large... It must've been formed by an earthquake or something! Nothing stops me from staying a little while, though. Then again, I don't really see the point... I can't push my hornlight much more than that, so apart from standing here doing nothing I... Wait, what's that? On the other side of the abyss, or at least where I suppose the other side is, there's... There's a light! It twinkles in the dark, just a little point that doesn't shine strongly enough to illuminate its surroundings... The Light is beautiful. Well, for a certain degree of 'beautiful' I suppose, but what is it coming from? I'm certain it wasn't there just a minute ago... I look into the Light. Blinking, I avert my eyes; for an instant it felt so bright, so bright I could almost feel it piercing through my skull..! I look again, look into the Light... My aura flickers, bringing me back to my senses as the darkness threatens to engulf me; what happened!? It's– it's like half the magic I had left burned out in an instant! This– this isn't normal! Overcome by a nasty chill, I whirl around and canter back towards the tunnel, my hornlight wavering dangerously! I could stay a little while longer, though... The temptation is strong... The Light is beautiful... ... No! I can't stay here, I'm almost out of magic! No way I'm staying here in the dark!! I break into a gallop like fear itself's chasing after me, rushing through the tunnel and not stopping until I can see the firsts glints of outside light! I almost trip over myself as I finally burst out of the cave, heading directly for the landslip and out of that sinkhole; only then, once I'm back under the trees of the forest, do I dare looking back. There's nothing, of course. Just that dangerous sinkhole, and the mouth of the cave... ... So why did I feel I was being followed..? A fat drop of water impacts my nose, making me whinny in surprise! Only now do I notice the pouring rain, and how much I'm shivering; it's a miracle I didn't slip or something on my way out. I should go take shelter somewhere before I catch a cold... ... But I will have to come back.