Snickers dragged his hooves against Rarity’s adamant protests, however she didn’t have the energy to fight with him after her day so far. She’d gotten little sleep, her sister was in the hospital for another day before the spells would heal her well enough to return to school and life in general, and her adoptive son was, in her own thoughts, ‘as horrible and uncouth as when she’d met him’.
It hadn’t helped that she’d only spent less than two hours with him in the real world, his dream not accounting. In that time they’d done little to endear one another, and the rest of the week was going to be unpleasant if they couldn’t come to an understanding.
“So, Snickers, what would you like for lunch?”
“Cram it.” He replied while watching the dust his hooves kicked up.
Rarity looked aside and back to him. “That’s uncalled for, I was simply asking-”
He kicked some road dirt at her legs. “It was a canned dinner where I was really from. ‘Cram it, the food you can eat.’” He said in a sing-song tone.
“Oh… well, I don’t know if I’d call that a jingle that would speak to ponies, but perhaps you can tell me what was in this cram it you speak of and I can replicate it?”
“Hog jowels, poultry innards, soylent puree, gel from beef joints, ascorbic acids, a little fruit zest, some--”
“Bleh! Please, darling… stop right there before I lose my breakfast,” Rarity stopped, he was smiling a little. “Are you pulling my tail?” she asked him suspiciously.
He shrugged. “Only one of the things I said isn’t really in there, so far.”
She thought it over and retched into her covered mouth. Her hoof was seeing a lot of use halting her vomiting noises from getting too out of control. Rarity looked to a bush and thought about playing the act to its fullest, short of actually vomitting, but chose not to. She grabbed Snickers in her magic and moved him onto her back.
“Your hooves are damaged enough. No more, we’re taking you to Hay Burger to get something in your tummy, then to the spa where I can show you a hint of luxury that you seem to be missing. Perhaps it will be exactly what you need to relax.”
And maybe fall into a more manageable role as a colt, the little charlatan you are. Adult and electici… civil engineering… gah, I haven’t the energy to ask him of this nonsense.
He tried to scratch her sides with his hooves to no luck, since he’d managed to only scuff the fronts, he didn’t want to bite her since it would lead to more trouble than he was willing, and he wasn’t physically violent, and he didn’t have to relieve himself since he did that before they left the hospital.
After fifteen seconds, he gave up and rested his jaw on her mane. “Turn left through this alley and we’ll get to the burger joint 17 seconds sooner. That’s more time you can spa yourself,” he said flatly. Rarity looked at her path and then looked down the alley. It was a risk, a terrible one, but she had to be the bigger pony.
She chose to humor him and turned, entering the shrouded space between buildings. Her horn lit and she brought light to the refuse of their hamlet, garbage cans lidded with flies buzzing around them, a group of rodents peeked at her from behind one and she hurried her pace. A box with wet stains on it, a trail of something leaking leading away from it caught her eye.
The tail hairs left around the box shocked Rarity and drove her desire to leave the alley as well as confront a mare she knew about her sexual safety. The last straw for Rarity’s not so casual trot through the alleyway was a used condom unrolled to its fullest that a snake was currently wearing.
Snickers laughed and held on while Rarity screamed and galloped from the alley and into a group of mares. Snickers fell off Rarity, laughing while over some mare that pushed him off her and started helping the others up while Rarity panted on the ground, whimpering. “What’s your problem, Rarity?”
Rarity looked up and saw a maroon mare and climbed to her hooves. “Ah, I’m sorry, Cherilee. I was taking a shortcut and…” she hesitated and remembered what she’d seen. “By chance, have you been down that alley in the past few hours?”
Cherilee gulped and looked between her friends, who were losing their frustration and listening to the potential gossip. Cherilee shook her head. “N-nope. Alleys aren’t the kind of place for a pony to travel through, right, girls?” Her friends nodded and glanced at the darkened crevice.
“Right,” Rarity said, then noticed Snickers looking at Cherilee’s tail. “Snickers, don’t--”
“Your tail’s covered with sticky milk, Miss Cherilee. Is it taffy, can I taste it?” Snickers asked with the innocence of a colt slightly younger than himself. The mare turned her tail and herself quickly away from him blushing quickly.
“No! It’s not… something a colt your age should concern yourself with.”
A tan mare sniffed the teacher’s tail and giggled. “Oh… I think it’s more than just taffy in your tail.”
One of the other mares grinned and moved toward the other. “What? Let me see!”
“N-o, it’s nothing! Just something totally not a problem that any of you should--” Cherilee turned away from her friends and felt a tug on her tail. Followed by a ‘bleh’ sound.
“Ew, it’s salty taffy. Gross!”
Cherilee froze in place and her two friends looked behind her to the little innocent colt that was frowning at Cherilee’s tail and sticking his tongue out. They both turned their eyes to her and narrowed them. Cherilee glanced between her friends and then turned, running past Rarity into the alley.
Her friends ran to the edge of the shadows and growled at the vanished mare. “Can you believe her, walking around with a sticky tail?”
The mares turned back onto their path like nothing had happened but new gossip. “And to let a colt nibble at it? Who was the lucky stallion, you smelled her last?!”
“Oh, this’ rich. It was--”
Snickers felt a tug on his ear before he could hear who. “Snickers,” Rarity chided him, “please tell me you didn’t actually do it. Did you?”
He cocked his head to the side and let one ear fall. “Do what, Miss Rarity?”
“Don’t you dare give me that innocent foal nonsense…”
He snickered and shook his head. “Ew, I’d rather eat dirt that risk putting anything from some guy in my mouth. I’m like my 5th leg,” he started and Rarity closed his mouth.
“Very well, as long as you didn’t actually put your lips on her… mess, then you’re in the clear. Let’s get you that burger before anything else happens.”
She let his mouth go and moved just past him. “I act floppy until I get by a mare, then I’m straight as an arrow.”
She turned back to him and glared, her tail swished but was still flat and in need of a new styling and trim, curled just enough at the end to keep it off the ground. He was inappropriate, but something about what he’d said still got her tail to swish against her better control. “Silence, or I’ll skip the fries with your meal.”
He motioned zipping his mouth closed and was again put onto her back. “Snickers, I know a mare than can really zip your lips closed, I suggest you watch what you say.”
Snickers hummed for a second. “If she can zip lips closed, then you’ll have the same chances at getting laid regardless. Nothing lo-Ah!”
She picked him up with her magic and held him upside down in front of her, almost to the entrance of the restaurant. “We’re taking a detour, now.”
Snickers whimpered childishly and reached for the restaurant as he was carried beside Rarity. “But, I was being honest. Isn’t that a virtue you were talking about before? I’m loyal to my jokes and I was being generous by sharing them in the kindest way… it was just for a laugh; in the name of Harmony.”
Rarity growled and cantered as quickly as she could to Twilight’s. She knocked on the door softly and let herself in. “Twilight, are you in?”
“Right here, Rarity.” A mountain of books answered. It shifted and several slid from the top, spinning end over end to the floor without any damage done.
“Whatever are you doing in there, darling?”
Twilight stepped out from an opening and smiled awkwardly. “I was looking for a book, then when I couldn’t find it I started stacking them, then as I went they just got higher and higher, then Spike came over and we reminiced about the past, and then we made Fortress Book, an upgraded version of my book fort from when I was a filly… don’t laugh,” Twilight finished and used a forehoof to slide a fallen book front to back on the floor.
Snickers turned and struck out, barely grazing Rarity’s horn and then falling when the magic faded. “That’s awesome! I want in,” he ran under Twilight, his mane tickling her underbelly and getting her to jump before his tail could get her. He ran inside and Spike shortly after. There were a pair of shouts just before the fortress rocked and fell in an avalanche of the written and printed word.
There were a few seconds of silence before Spike’s hand broke the surface and, in dramatic fashion, pulled himself free with Snickers’ limp body behind him. They tumbled down the side and Spike picked up Snickers in his arms, reaching one to the sky. “Why? Why must they be taken so young from the mortal coils of the earth?”
A small book bounced off his head and back into the pile. “Stop playing around, Spike, and clean this mess up.”
Snickers rolled from Spike’s arms and was standing faster than Rarity could react. Spike snorted black smoke. “What?! You made this mess, too.”
“But you’re my number one assistant, you were in it when it fell, and I have to greet my friend and her new colt.”
Spike looked at Snickers, then to Rarity, then back to the colt, sizing him up. “So, this’ Rarity’s colt, huh? Not much of a tough guy, are you?” he gave Snickers a little shove with a challenging smirk.
“I’m more tough than you. What’s your name again? Wimpy?”
“Psh, you wish you half as tough as me. See these,” Spike flexed his claws, “these’re like unicorn magic, more than your teeth anyday.”
One of the mares spoke up. “Spike…”
Snickers snapped his teeth loudly. “Bet you I can do more with these chompers than you can.”
“Snickers…”
Spike took the challenge by sliding his claws together, making a cracking sound. “You’re on. First one to ten?”
Snickers huffed. “Ten is for babies. Fifty.”
“On three,” Spike called and started.
Rarity and Twilight stood side by side, wondering what the boys were going to do; both ready with their magic to stop them if this challenge was dangerous. Spike counted down and when they started, neither mare expected to see the challenge being putting books away. The unicorns looked between one another, then at the galloping colt and running baby dragon.
“How’d they know…” both mares started at the same time, then tittered and left the room to make tea.
Snickers grabbed his fourth book in his mouth and ran to the nearest shelf, turned his head, pushed in into place, and returned to the pile to grab another. Spike panted, but still gloated. “I’m at seven, what about you?”
“Ahm ach fah.”
“Ha, claws are best! When I win, I think I’ll have you buy me a sapphire vanilla ice cream.”
Snickers didn’t know what that meant, but he surmised it was a local ice cream flavor. He put another book away. “Yeah, right. When I win, you’re gonna have to help me prank Rarity.”
Spike growled quietly. “No way, I’m not letting you do anything to her.”
“Yeah, then you better win. I’m not quitting and,” Snickers grabbed another book in his mouth, but didn’t hold it as tightly so he could talk, “I’ll prank her anyway, but help would make it easier.”
Spike had stopped running and was facing the still moving colt. He held a book to his chest and started talking wistfully. “You’d better not, she’s the most beautiful, wonderful mare in the whole world. There’s no creature that’s ever been more generous and kind hearted to walk--”
A book collided with his muzzle, stopping his reverie.
ooo
Take a seat, Rarity. Tell me what’s been happening? You look stressed again.”
“Darling, you weren’t there… Snickers accepted Harmony--”
Twilight turned to Rarity and clapped her hooves on the floor.“That’s wonderful! Did he sing a song, or was he a rare ‘marker’? Oh, just imagine if he got is mark in front of the CMC.”
“Twilight, it was nothing of the sort. Something... went wrong.”
Twilight set the teapot on the counter and stared at Rarity. “W-wrong? Harmony is almost as perfect as Princess Celesia, it doesn’t make mistakes.”
“Well, this time the whole world was broken!” Rarity nearly shouted, closed her eyes, took a couple breaths, then began again. “Twilight, Harmony typically works by showing what a pony’s life would be like after they follow the path to join our society in some way.”
“Yeah, are you saying it didn’t happen that way?”
Rarity slouched and lay her head on the table, a small napkin as a cushion. “He’s troubled, as I said. When Harmony showed him what he had to gain, he saw it as everything, everything, he had lost to get there. Appearantly, he’d spent two or so years with Sweetie and I in some wasteland.”
Twilight covered her mouth with her hooves. “No.”
“Yes, it seemingly took him two years in this fantasy to become family with us enough to accept harmony, then he awakens to find out all our bonding was, to him, a lie.”
Twilight sat beside Rarity at the table. “How was it not a lie, in his opinion?”
“Twilight, you have to understand,” Rarity sat and looked intently at her purple friend, “there was a moment where he was so broken and distraught that I would have been in tears had he reacted differently. He had visions of me losing my hair, Sweetie gaining her mark while helping me escape from some kind of zoo, or something.
“There was a terror in his eyes when he realized everything wasn’t as he’d been shown. He’d broken before me and when next I saw him I’d… oh, Twilight, I was wearing the most darling shoes I had saved for such special an occasion. There was this awful nurse who completely overreacted and I had to give them to her.
“Twilight, you just don’t understand the horror of having to give away such a wonderful set of custom shoes to a mare who doesn’t deserve them in the slightest.”
“Rarity, is this about Snickers?” Twilight asked to get her friends back on topic.
“Oh, well, not exactly, but he was there and it reminded me of my loss.”
“It’s okay… wait, what’s that sound?” Both mares listened and several thumps passed, then a yelp and growl. They both ran from the room and into the living room to see the boys fighting. It was a scene they’d never imagined and both mares grabbed their respective sons, pulling them away from one another.
Rarity pulled Snickers to her and lay him on the floor, standing over him while Spike was pressed against a bookshelf, a feral gleam in his eyes while fire seemed to spill from his maw like thick lava. Twilight stayed back and shouted. “Spike?! What’s gotten into you?” He didn’t respond, his eyes on the colt he’d scorched. A book slapped Spike hard across the face. “Wake up!”
“Gyah, what… what happened?”
“Spikey, you were unhinged, darling!” Rarity stepped back to show Snickers to Spike, hoping that the dragon would feel badly for what he’d done. Instead, Spike brandished his claws with a hiss. “That’s it, we’re leaving. Twilight, thank you for visiting with me, but these two are at odds and I can’t have this at the moment.”
Rarity picked Snickers onto her back and ran to the door, finally hearing Spike talk to her. “Rarity, don’t go. I have to show you how much better I can clean that he does!”