//------------------------------// // 3 – With Meaning and Without // Story: Thicker Than Water // by Krickis //------------------------------// Chapter Three With Meaning and Without ⠀ ⠀ It was good to see a crowd again. They had worried that there might not be many people in the audience, what with it being a surprise show with minimal advertising, but the venue was filled up. Fluttershy faded into the crowd. She was sitting at the bar and drinking a beer that cost far too much money. She wouldn’t normally have bothered, they had booze backstage, but she had a reason to be out on the floor. “It’s weird seeing the stage from the audience’s view,” Lightning Dust said as she sipped on her own beer. “Yeah, it is,” Fluttershy agreed. “It’ll probably be even weirder once Bitchette gets on stage.” “Oh yeah, definitely.” Lightning took a big drink. “Hey, Shy, can I tell you something? But like, you can’t tell the others.” “Of course.” Fluttershy smiled as if she wasn’t, but she was surprised. She was friends with Lightning Dust, of course, but they had never really exchanged secrets. Lightning Dust fidgeted uncomfortably. “I’m kind of scared. What if they get on stage and I just realize I made a mistake?” “I don’t know,” Fluttershy said, although that wasn’t entirely honest. Because in truth, she did know. Nothing would change. They’d made it all official, done all the the necessary contract things and got Lightning Dust released from the band and Gilda added as her replacement. Legally speaking, she was not and could not be part of the band any longer. Lightning grinned. “Ah, fuck it. It’ll be cool to sit back and watch for a change.” “I’m sure it will.” Fluttershy pulled out her phone to check the time. “I should head back to see them before they go on. But I’ll come back and find you here when the show starts.” “Sounds good.” Fluttershy quickly downed the rest of her beer and stood up, and Lightning Dust did the same. She put her hand on Fluttershy’s shoulder, so she stopped and turned to her. Lightning smiled. “Make sure Dash is holding it together, yeah?” “Yeah,” Fluttershy said with a smile of her own. Lightning sat back down, so Fluttershy made her way through the crowd. It was slow going, since Fluttershy was small and lacked authority, but she managed to get backstage with a little effort. Things were much calmer once she did, although roadies were busy moving around and setting up the stage for Bitchette’s set. Fluttershy ignored them and went straight for the band’s dressing room. As she expected, no one seemed particularly nervous. Rainbow and Windfall were on their phones, Lemon Zest was dancing to whatever music she had playing in her headphones, and Gilda was sitting quietly drinking a beer. Even if it was their first show in months, they were professionals. They’d toured the country and played more concerts than Fluttershy cared to count. She knew they would be fine. Still, it was their first show with Gilda, so Fluttershy approached her. “How are you feeling?” she asked. Gilda just shrugged. “Just looking forward to being on stage, I guess.” “Nervous at all?” “Nah, I’m fine.” She certainly seemed fine. It had been a month since Gilda joined the band, and she’d done well in their rehearsals. The only thing left to be seen was if she could hold it together in front of an audience. She didn’t seem worried though, so Fluttershy tried not to be either. And while this would be the first real test of Gilda’s performance with the band, Fluttershy was less concerned about that. She’d had some reservations, even though she was the one who invited Gilda to fly across the country to meet with them. But Gilda seemed to be making good on her word to be a better person than she’d been in middle school, and she’d been fast friends with the band. Well, most of the band, anyway. There was a knock on the door, then it opened. A roadie popped his head into the room. “You’re on in five.” “Got it,” Rainbow said. She stood up and stretched, then looked at Fluttershy. “Hey, Shy, wanna come check the stage with me?” Fluttershy didn’t for a second believe that Rainbow gave a damn about checking the stage before the show, but she decided to humor her. “Sure.” They left the room, which of course meant leaving Gilda. That was how Rainbow was whenever Fluttershy talked to Gilda; she seemed to think that Fluttershy needed to be saved from having to talk to her former bully. It was unnecessary, but Fluttershy suspected she’d get over it once they were on tour together. Travelling together every day and playing together every night would be sure to bond the two once again. There wasn’t much to do, so they just watched the roadies work. Fluttershy smiled. “Pretty big turnout for a surprise show.” “Yeah, well, it is Friday night. Good night for a show.” “Yeah, I suppose it is.” The tour didn’t properly start for another few weeks yet, but they’d finished wrapping up the album and had been working every day on practicing their setlist. This was a good way to introduce Gilda to their fans, as well as get her used to playing on stage before the tour properly began. As a bonus, they could play some of their new songs. Before too long, the rest of the band came out to join them, followed by a venue staff member. Fluttershy put on an encouraging smile, even if they hardly seemed like they needed it. “Are you all ready?” “I think so,” Windfall said. The rest of the band gave their agreement. The staff member nodded and ran off, then a moment later the lights went dim and the venue’s music stopped. “You’re on,” Fluttershy said. “Yeah. See you in a bit, Shy!” Rainbow led them onto the stage, and the others followed. As soon as the audience saw them, they started cheering. Without bothering to introduce themselves, Lemon Zest clicked her drumsticks together four times, then the band launched into their first song. It was one of their new ones, so the audience wouldn’t know it, but even from where she was just behind the stage, Fluttershy could see the audience going crazy over it. She watched for a minute or so, then she made her way back to the audience. She weaved through the crowd to get back to the bar, where Lightning Dust was still waiting. She didn’t seem to notice Fluttershy walk up, too transfixed with watching the concert. Fluttershy didn’t often watch the shows from the crowd anymore; she’d seen them perform far too often for it to hold the same excitement. From time to time, however, she decided the crowd was exactly where she wanted to be. Sometimes it was because she wanted to get a better idea of what the audience saw to be able to advise the band, sometimes it was just because she got bored of being backstage. And of course, tonight was an exception for Lightning Dust’s sake. Because after all, Fluttershy had seen this before, while Lightning had not. She had seen plenty of concerts in her time, but never had she been able to sit back and just watch Bitchette play. She seemed to be transfixed by it. It was a straightforward concert, just like all of their concerts were. The band didn’t have the budget for big pyrotechnics, they didn’t have some crazy light show, there were just four people on a stage playing the hell out of their instruments. But Lightning Dust couldn’t take her eyes off it; she watched as if it was the most captivating thing she’d ever seen. Fluttershy could only guess what she must be feeling. She knew more than most what it was like to be in the band. Indeed, she knew more than anyone other than the band members themselves. But she didn’t know what it was like to walk away from them, to see them in a new light and know that things would never be the same. She didn’t know what it was like to say goodbye. “How are my bitches tonight?” Rainbow asked when the song was over. The audience cheered. Lightning Dust had a weird sort of smile. It had been her idea to call their fans bitches. It almost felt wrong to keep up the tradition without her, Fluttershy thought. Not that Lightning seemed to have a problem with it. She just took a sip of her beer and apparently noticed Fluttershy for the first time. “So I guess these new songs might not be so bad after all. Or maybe they just put on a hell of a show, I don’t know.” “You all always did.” Lightning laughed and took a drink. “I want to introduce you to our new bassist!” Rainbow said. “Everyone give it up for Gilda!” The audience cheered again, and Gilda played a short but complicated riff on her bass. Rainbow announced the next song, and the band resumed playing. It was hard to talk over the sound of the music, so Fluttershy and Lightning just watched silently for the most part. Perhaps that was for the best; Fluttershy certainly had no idea what to say under the circumstances. There was something great about the band live that they had never quite captured on their albums. Indeed, they probably had come closer on their debut. Maybe that was what Lightning Dust saw that the band was lacking. It made Fluttershy wonder if Lightning was right, if it was her fault that they couldn’t capture that element in the studio. Their live sound was one thing that Fluttershy didn’t touch, after all. ‘Maybe we could do a live album,’ Fluttershy thought. Then she thought about how much of a shame it would be for Lightning Dust to not be a part of that. Guest appearance for the song she sang lead on? She looked to Lightning and wondered if she’d be open to something like that. It was far from the right time to ask her, however. Fluttershy would have to bring up the idea of recording a live album with the band first, and as much as she wished it did, that no longer included Lightning Dust. The show passed in much the same way. Fluttershy wondering what Lightning Dust was thinking, Lightning giving no real indication. Occasionally she would weigh in on something, commenting that Gilda had good stage presence, or about how she’d never really had the chance to see Lemon Zest perform live before. Vague comments that didn’t show how she felt about the whole thing. “We got one more for you,” Rainbow announced. “But first, I gotta say something. This is more than Gilda’s introduction, this is Lightning Dust’s send-off. Lightning Dust was right there with me when we first started this band, and now she’s off to do her own thing. But she’s here in the crowd tonight, so let’s hear it for Lightning Dust!” The crowd cheered, and Lightning Dust smiled sheepishly. “She was more than our bassist, more than a songwriter. She was our sister, and for that, I want you all to head to the bar and make sure she doesn’t leave here sober! For our last song, we’re gonna do one that she wrote. You all know it, so you better fucking sing along!” Rainbow played the intro to a song called Broken Mirror, and then the rest of the band jumped in. The vocals started with the band wordlessly harmonizing, and the audience sang along. Fluttershy looked at Lightning Dust, and for the first time, she was pretty sure her friend was enjoying herself. Per Rainbow’s request, fans arrived at the bar to buy Lightning a drink and tell her that they enjoyed her songs. Lightning was quick to point out that although she had written the music for Broken Mirror, she wasn’t a lyricist – Fluttershy had written the lyrics to this one. Soon, people were buying her drinks as well. “That girl must have fell from the stars She kept one of them still wrapped ‘round her finger No surprise she moved through my life Onto something better, and something bigger.” Fluttershy drank deeply. She had never quite known how to feel about this song. It had changed things for her, that’s for sure. It was released as a single, and while it hadn’t been their most popular single, it had been relatively successful. And more importantly, it had become a fan favorite. “Thank you all for coming out!” Rainbow announced after the song ended. “We’ll be back as part of the tour in a couple months, so come see us again!” “Guess that’s our cue,” Fluttershy said to Lightning Dust. She looked around at the fans that surrounded them and smiled. “Excuse us, we’re expected backstage.” Lightning Dust rolled her eyes and grabbed Fluttershy’s wrists. She led her through the crowd. “Alright, make way, make way.” Lightning proved far more effective at getting them through the crowd than Fluttershy had. Many of the fans were going the opposite way, heading for the merch booth or the bar, but few seemed to actually be leaving the building. The band hadn’t planned an encore, but it looked like their audience might be expecting one. By the time they got backstage, the band was already there. Rainbow saw them coming and grinned. “So what do you think? Do we still kick ass or what?” Lightning grinned back. “I guess it was alright. You know, for a show without me. How you feeling, newbie?” “That was pretty sick,” Gilda said. “Got me looking forward to the tour.” “I think you all did great.” Fluttershy laughed. “I think the audience wants more.” “Oh yeah?” Lemon Zest asked. “Think we should give it to them?” “I don’t see why not,” Fluttershy said. “Don’t want to disappoint the fans.” “Yeah, just gimme a minute.” Windfall took a long drink out of a bottle of water. “Those stage lights are hot.” “Yeah, but nothing beats the rush.” Lightning Dust looked out to the stage. “I’m gonna miss it.” “You know,” Gilda said, “if you’re looking to start a band in Everton, I have some friends who might be interested.” “Cool. I’m not trying to rush it, I wanna make sure whoever I start a band with has the same idea for where they want to go as I do.” Although she probably didn’t intend for that to be taken negatively, Rainbow, Windfall, and Lemon Zest all averted their eyes. “I think whatever you do, it’ll be wonderful,” Fluttershy said. “Wonderful.” Lightning Dust smirked. “Probably not a word that’ll be used to describe us much.” “Hey, Shy knows her stuff,” Rainbow said. “I’m sure your new band will be wonderful, and lovely, and cute, and –” “We’re about to see how cute I am with my foot up your ass,” Lightning said. “Uhm, excuse me.” They all turned around to see a young woman that Fluttershy didn’t recognize. There were a few people backstage that didn’t look like roadies or the venue staff, so Fluttershy put on a bright smile. They had to show their best to the fans who liked them enough to get backstage passes, after all. “Hey there,” Rainbow said. “How’d you all like the show?” Everyone offered their opinion all at once, but they all seemed enthusiastic. The band gave their thanks, and soon they were mingling with one another. Fluttershy left them to it and instead decided to check what was going on with the rest of their fans. She peeked over the stage and saw that the crowd didn’t seem to have thinned out, so she made her way back to the others. “They’re still out there,” Fluttershy told them. “Any ideas what to play for an encore?” “We only really rehearsed the stuff we played,” Windfall pointed out, then he turned to Gilda. “Think you could play some of our other stuff?” “I can manage,” Gilda said. “I, uhm, I have an idea.” Fluttershy looked at Lightning Dust and smiled. “What about Your Impatience with Lightning on lead vocals? It’s her moment, I think she should get to share it live at least once.” “That’s a great idea,” Lemon Zest said. “I’m down for that.” “The song you recorded the day I showed up?” Gilda asked. “I don’t know it.” “I could play, I guess.” Lightning kept her voice nonchalant, but she couldn’t hide her smile. “But you all will really have to get by without me after this.” “I think we’ll manage,” Rainbow said. “But come on, let’s get back on that stage before they riot.” Lightning Dust borrowed Gilda’s bass, then the band went back on stage. Since it was just the two of them and the fans backstage, Fluttershy turned to Gilda. “Hope you don’t mind being left out.” “Nah, it’s cool. I know I’d want to go up there if I was her.” The audience cheered as the band got back on the stage. “We heard you all want some more!” Rainbow said, to more cheers. “Got something good for you bitches,” Lightning Dust said. “I’ll give you a break from listening to Rainbow’s voice. I’m gonna sing Your Impatience, a song off our new album I sing lead on. This might be the only time it’s ever played live with me here, so hope you’re all still sober enough to pay attention!” Windfall played the guitar intro, then the rest of the band came in together. Even if they had never rehearsed the song for live performance, they played it well. “Wow, this is really cool,” the fan from earlier said. Fluttershy smiled for her. “It is for me too. I’m glad to see Dust gets to go out with a bang.” “I can’t believe she wrote Broken Mirror. I always thought that was Rainbow Dash’s song.” Fluttershy nodded. Being the lead singer, Rainbow had most of the songs attributed to her. “Dust wrote about a third of the music for both albums.” “It just feels so personal. And it always really meant a lot to me. I… I kind of came backstage to tell Rainbow Dash how much it means to me as a lesbian to hear someone being so open about it. But I guess I should tell that to Lightning Dust instead.” Fluttershy had seen this a lot. The band had gotten a large gay following, almost certainly because of Fluttershy’s lyrics. No one had ever really stopped to think about it; Fluttershy was gay, and she wrote lyrics about her love life. Rainbow was straight, but she sang the songs as Fluttershy wrote them. It was all credited in their CD booklet who wrote what. But a lot of fans didn’t bother to read who wrote what, it seemed. Show after show, fans constantly credited all the lyrics to Rainbow. And, to be fair, she did write most of them. Lightning Dust and Windfall both wrote music, but not lyrics. Meanwhile, Fluttershy often helped Rainbow with hers, but she only wrote a few of their songs herself. Fluttershy didn’t mind, though. “Do you want a drink?” she asked the girl. She accepted, so Fluttershy, Gilda, and the fan all grabbed a beer together. “The new songs sound so good,” the girl said. “Glad you like them,” Fluttershy said. “We’re all really excited for the album to come out.” She gave Fluttershy a confused look. She seemed to be figuring out that Fluttershy wasn’t just another fan. “Uhm, I hope this isn’t rude, but who are you, exactly?” Fluttershy just laughed. “I’m Fluttershy. I’m the band’s manager.” “And producer,” Gilda added. “And keyboardist. And songwriter.” “Well, I played keys on a few songs on the new album… I’m not much of a keyboardist, though.” Gilda just smirked. “From what I gather, Shy’s the reason the band took off at all.” “Oh wow, that’s so cool!” the girl beamed. “So you get to work close with the band, that must be awesome!” Gilda frowned, but Fluttershy kept smiling. She was used to fans not really understanding how much she did. They were Bitchette fans, after all, not Fluttershy fans. To them, working with the band was the most notable part of Fluttershy’s job. “So what’s everyone like?” Fluttershy shrugged. “You can ask them yourself when they come back.” It wasn’t long before that happened. They played one more song with Lightning Dust before coming back to mingle with their backstage fans as others filed out of the building and the venue staff started the cleanup. “Rainbow Dash!” The girl practically had stars in her eyes as she looked up at Rainbow. “I’m your biggest fan! And Lightning Dust, Broken Mirror is like my favorite song ever.” Lightning smirked. “Yeah, it’s a pretty good one. But if it’s because the lyrics, Fluttershy wrote them.” The fan turned back to Fluttershy. “Really?” Gilda patted Fluttershy on the back. “She’s too modest to say, but she wrote a lot of our lyrics.” “I don’t know about a lot… I did write Broken Mirror though. It’s about my ex-girlfriend.” “It was the song I listened to when my girlfriend broke up with me. It really helped, you know?” “I’m glad my song could help,” Fluttershy said. “In other news,” Rainbow said, turning to Lightning Dust, “how are you feeling after that.” “I feel good,” Lightning said. “I wasn’t sure what it would be like to see you all on stage without me, but it made me realize that you can do this. That you’ll all be okay, you know?” “Yeah, I’m more worried about you,” Lemon Zest said with a smirk. “Thirty bucks says she cries herself to sleep tonight.” “I don’t like those odds,” Windfall said. “You can both fuck off, I’ll be fine,” Lightning Dust said. “You know,” Gilda said, “after spending a few weeks with you all, I’m wondering if she’s the one who gets off easy here.” “I didn’t say they wouldn’t be tears of joy,” Lemon Zest said. Everyone laughed, and they talked together for some time. The fan – whose name Fluttershy never wound up catching – hung on every word from Rainbow. Even learning that Fluttershy had written the lyrics to Broken Mirror didn’t seem to sway her from her obvious crush on Rainbow. Nor did that stop Fluttershy from making a move when the night is over. “So, uhm, would you maybe want to head back to my hotel with me?” The fan glanced at Rainbow and then turned back to Fluttershy with a smile. “Sure. Is the whole band staying at the same hotel?” A typical question. “Yes, but they’ll probably be tired from the show so they’ll be in their own rooms. We might see them in the morning, though.” “Oh, cool.” Fluttershy led her out of the building, where she called them a taxi. They talked idly about the band and what being on tour with them was like, which was also typical, then they took the taxi back to the hotel. Once they were in the cab, Fluttershy kissed her for the first time. It didn’t really mean anything, and they both knew that. Fluttershy just wanted someone to take back to bed with her, and the fan – whatever her name was – just wanted that chance to be a little closer with the band. It didn’t mean anything, and that was okay. It didn’t have to. Fluttershy was just passing the time, waiting for the tour to start. Then on tour, it wouldn’t mean anything either. Each night would just be another night that she wasn’t alone with another girl who she didn’t need to remember the name of.