//------------------------------// // Everypony Here Is So Helpful // Story: Untitled Celestia Fic // by SPark //------------------------------// It is very difficult to tip-toe silently when you are wearing sollerets and the floor is made of crystal. Celestia was painfully aware of this, but she did her best all the same. Her magic was occupied holding Cadance’s formal crown floating in front of her. She might have cast a hoof-muffling spell as well, but if she was caught, that would look very suspicious. As she was now, any passing servant would simply assume she had a reason to be carrying Cadance’s crown. She did, of course, but the reason had nothing to do with Cadance. She shuffled her hooves, making as little noise as possible, and continued through the early morning halls of the Crystal Palace. They were vast and labrynthine, and her destination was quite a long way from the vault where the crown was kept. She rounded yet another corner, mentally planning her route, and halted at the sight of a pony coming the other way. “Oh, your highness! Let me get that for you!” Crystalline hooves plucked the crown from Celestia’s field almost before she could blink. “I’m sure you have better things to do than carry this around. Wherever did you find it? I’ll put it where it belongs right away.” Inwardly cursing, Celestia smiled serenely. “Why thank you, that’s very kind. Although I’m not especially busy this morning, there’s no need to go out of your way for my sake.” “Don’t worry, your highness, fetching and carrying is my job.” The palace maid gave Celestia a cheerful smile and trotted off, crown tucked under one foreleg. Celestia sighed. Oh...foo. She would have to start all over again once the maid had returned the crown. She had a meeting at noon, so her time was limited. Perhaps she should have waited until sundown. Although, being caught sneaking through the palace at night would be much more awkward. Oh well. It wasn’t meant to be easy. The challenge was part of the fun, after all. She trotted down the hall as if to some imaginary appointment, but the first chance she had she doubled back, slipping as silently as she could manage towards Cadance’s empty rooms and the adjacent vault. The other alicorn was at a summit meeting, which Celestia had managed to get excluded from on the spurious but apparently-acceptable logic that it would be easier for the various northern delegates to speak freely without her powerful southern self listening in. Which meant that Cadance was up to her eyebrows in reindeer and yaks, wearing the lighter crown she preferred on any occasion she could get away with calling less formal, while Celestia had a two-hour window to attempt to steal the heavier Imperial Crown with its elaborate heart-shaped crystal top. Ten minutes was long enough for the maid to put the crown back on its cushion in Cadance’s overgrown walk-in closet and vacate the room, no doubt to attend to vital business. Servants kept the Crystal Empire going just as much as they kept Equestria going, and Celestia had great respect for them. Just now, though, they were a terrible nuisance. Still, there was nearly an hour and a half left in her window, so she lifted the crown again, replaced the note that read “Removed for Conservation” and slipped out the door. She threaded her way once more through the maze of palace corridors, tramping always the least trafficked, the back passages where haughty hooves would never tread. Other hooves, though... a brisk clip-clop ahead of her made Celestia duck down a side passage, wings folded tight in the narrow servant’s hall. “Eek!” The crystal pony who turned a sudden corner and nearly collided with Celestia was a stallion, but he squealed like a colt. Celestia managed to suppress her giggle and only gave him a small, regal nod. “Good morning.” “Your highness!” He blinked at her for a moment. “Cadance’s crown? Was it misplaced somewhere? It’s very kind of you to put it away, but I can do that for you.” “It’s fine, there’s no need. I’m sure you’re quite busy.” Celestia managed to smile without clenching her teeth. Why did these ponies have to be so sun-blasted helpful? The stallion reached up and plucked the crown from her magic. Rather than get into a tug-of-war, Celestia let it go, with an internal sigh. “It’s fine, your highness. I’m headed that way in any case.” “How helpful of you,” said Celestia, her tone warm, her face smiling, her internal self seething. Still, she managed a polite nod as the stallion trotted past her. Once he was out of sight she leaned sideways against the wall, letting her head thunk against it. This was proving to be quite a challenge. Fifteen minutes later she was slipping out the door of Cadance’s rooms yet again, crown clutched perhaps a little too tightly in her magic. At least Flurry Heart was with Sunburst this morning, and Shining Armor drilling for a parade later on, else the whole thing would have been impossible. She got almost halfway across the palace this time before being intercepted. “Did Cadance call for her crown?” said the guard, who should have been standing at his station two corridors away, according to Celestia’s mental map, but for some terrible reason was not. “I can carry that to her, your highness,” said the stallion, reaching out with one hoof. Celestia lifted the crown above his reach, glad of the high ceilings. Having the crown put back on its cushion was annoying, having it carried to Cadance would end the game, at least for today. She was not going to give up so easily. “That’s unnecessary, but thank you. I’ll just be on my way now…” Celestia tried to step around the guard, smiling gently as she did. “No, I can get it.” He stepped in front of her, going up on his hind legs and reaching. Celestia tried very hard to not grit her teeth as she lifted the crown higher. She gave up on maintaining perfect dignity and darted around him, flaring her wings slightly to nudge him aside as she moved. “Please simply return to your duties, I can take care of this,” she said over her shoulder, keeping her tone pleasant but firm, striding away from the now-baffled guard all the time. “But your highness…” He trailed off, clearly puzzled, but then, much to her annoyance, started after her. She broke into a trot, taking long strides, hoping to open the distance between them enough for the guard to give up. Instead she heard the cadence of the hooves behind her fall into a gallop. Even with her longer legs, he’d catch up at that pace. With her heart racing, Celestia broke into a gallop of her own. Ahead was another junction, and she flared her wings to help make the corner without slowing. “Your highness! I can help!” came a call from behind her. “Why are we running?” “Princess?” Another voice added itself to the one behind, and Celestia looked back to see—oh bother—a mare she recognized as a head maid coming from another branch of the junction behind her and joining the guard. “What’s going on, do you need assistance?” Celestia had to bite back a wild laugh. This was completely absurd, and she might have some explaining and soothing to do after, but oh sweet sun above it was also glorious! She rounded another corner, wings flapping, and found a long, straight stretch ahead. She poured on the speed, taking full advantage of her long stride, moving at a pace none of the ponies behind her could hope to match. A door ahead opened and another maid stepped out, a feather duster clenched in her teeth. She turned at the sound of Celestia’s rapid gallop and froze, eyes going wide. There was no time to stop, not on the slick floor and in any case Celestia wasn’t going to give up and halt now! The corridor here wasn’t very wide either, and the maid was frozen right in the middle. No going left or right. But the ceilings were as absurdly high here as anywhere, so there was one stupid, wonderful option. Celestia leaped. She couldn’t fully spread her wings, but she opened them as much as she could, invoking pegasus magic as much as flapping feathers, and cleared the maid by a good half-dozen hoof-widths. Her solarettes clanged impressively on the floor as she came down in a perfect landing—hopefully she hadn’t chipped it!—and she raced onward without pause. A further commotion behind her suggested at least one of the chasing crystal ponies hadn’t reacted quickly enough and had run into the poor maid. Perfect! Pursuit foiled, Celestia turned another corner, slowing to a canter, and finally reached the part of the palace she’d been after. She slowed again to a calm, ordinary walk as she came to a particular door. It was bracketed by two guards, but they were her own Solar Guard, not the local crystal ponies, and they kept their eyes fixed forward, ignoring her entirely, just as they’d been trained. She ignored them as well; trying to say hello would only annoy them, since they couldn’t reply. Instead she opened the door to her quarters and then shut it firmly behind her. Step one accomplished! With a huge grin on her face she opened her luggage, where her own crown and regalia were stowed when not in use, and tucked Cadance’s crown into the bag. There. Now she only had to have the bag carried back to Canterlot with her, just as always. Then an easy sneak through the familiar palace, and this crown would be swapped with one of her old crowns, where it was on display in one of the open-to-tourists sections of the palace. Then she would see how long it took someone to notice that instead of the “Crown worn by Princess Celestia, 822-945” it was actually Cadance’s. Hopefully she would get to at least hear about the inevitable confused kerfluffle when the discovery was made. A giggle escaped her as she finished closing up the luggage. She was awful. With a grin still on her face, she took a moment to make sure her feathers were in order and her regalia on straight, and then headed out of the room once more. It was almost time for the summit luncheon, and she needed to be there to preside. But oh, it had been good to have a little fun first. Steal Cadance’s beautiful formal crown…