One day, there was a news report. An extradimensional portal had appeared, with aliens on the other side. These aliens we called ‘ponies’, because they looked similar to small, colorful horse. I didn’t really care. I had my life, and they didn’t seem to be re-enacting Independence Day, so I continued my life. I didn’t really expect to ever meet one, and had no clue how I would act if I did. Yet, five years later, I got an opportunity I’ll never forget.
“Have you met the new resident?” Sarah, my coworker, said.
“No. I was off over the weekend. What are they like?” I replied.
“So, a pony. Like from Equestria. I’m not joking.”
I paused. I’ve been working the Autumn Woods nursing home night shift for a few years now. It’s been nice. Chill out when people are asleep, and I only work four days a week. It’s a bit hard to have a social life, being nocturnal, but I’ve always been a bit of a loner.
“What kind of help does she need? Getting to bed, going to meals, or what? How about the bathroom?” I paused. “Can they even use our toilets?” This was such a curveball, I didn’t know how this was going to work. I had only vague ideas about what ponies were like. All I know is they come in all the colors of a Crayola box, and had some kind of weird ability to affect the world around them. Something about making tornadoes by flying really fast?
“Her name is Beauty Brass. You can call her just Beauty. She’s one of the plain ones, no horn or wings. I think that’s called an Earth Pony. We do handle her meds; surprisingly human ones work on her. She also has a potion that gets shipped from Equestria. She gets four ounces at bedtime for “Clydesdale fur blight,” whatever that is. It’s not contagious, at least not to humans, as far as I know. Other than that, she’s pretty independent, and can tell you what she needs.”
“All right. Thanks Sarah. Have a good night.” Now that report was done, I could get to work. I checked the computer: no new meds or tasks added, other than the new resident. Mrs. Smith fell again over the weekend, but no injuries were reported. That lady really needs to use her call light.
I go on my routine, giving medications, taking people back to their rooms from dinner, taking a few to the nightly movie. I grab laundry that needs to be washed overnight. I haven’t seen the pony yet, but it’s now time to give her meds.
“Hmm, aspirin, tylenol, metformin. Ponies can get diabetes? Oh, she’s got colace too.” Standard elderly medication list. I’ve seen longer, I’ve seen shorter. I then look for the potion that Sarah mentioned. It was in a separate cabinet, by itself. Kind of annoying, it wasn’t going to be confused with anything else here. It’s in some kind of bottle that made me think of pottery. There’s an actual wood cork in the top. It has a corkscrew attached, so I pull it off and get out a medicine cup. I carefully measure out four ounces, and I now I see why this was stored separate from everything else. It’s glowing. Not blindingly bright, but it has a steady blue glow about the brightness of a candle.
“I hope this isn’t radioactive…” I muttered to myself. The plastic cup I’ve poured the potion in doesn’t seem to be melting, so that’s a good sign.I could swear I see some glitter floating in there too.
She’s in room 242. When I’m not carrying pills, I like to run up the stairs, skipping every other step. A little exertion is fun. I don’t want to spill anything, especially this weird, glowing liquid, so I walk slower this time. No idea how you would get this stain out of carpet. I confirmed I have the right room, and saw the name on the door. Beauty Brass. This is going to be weird no matter what I do, so I knock on her door and wait for a response. After someone has been here for a week or so, I usually walk in after a quick knock, but I like to give new move ins a little extra time to get ready.
“The door’s unlocked!” I hear a voice from inside. I open the door, unsure what I’ll see.
The room is surprisingly normal. A rocking chair, facing the window opposite the door. A couch on one side of the room, and a twin sized bed on the other. What looks like a record player sat in the corner with a big bell shaped speaker. Everything seems smaller than normal, but maybe it's because everything's a foot lower to the ground rather than being smaller everywhere.
“Hello? I’m the nurse with your evening medications.” I spied some long brown hair peeking from the back of the rocking chair.
“I’m right here!” the raspy voice said. The walking chair creaks a little. I walk around and see the new resident for the first time.
She’s got huge eyes. I’m not joking, they take up half her face. A strange mouth; it’s not nearly as pronounced as a horse’s muzzle, but it sticks out a lot from below her eyes. She has short blue fur covering her. Her hair—I guess her mane— is a lighter brown, with a streak of gray coming over her ear. She’s sitting in a way reminiscent of a dog, with her front limbs tucked down between her back legs, supporting her.
“Are you all right?” The pony’s asked. I shake myself a little, and respond.
“Sorry, I’ve never met a pony before. This is new to me. My name is Shawn, and I’ll be your nurse for tonight. Are you Beauty Brass?”
“Just call me Beauty. That’s not really my name, but it’s the best translation I can do into English. I thought I’d have to come to you for my medicine. I was going to come down after I finished watching the sunset through the window.”
I didn’t realize it was that early. Usually I was only halfway done with meds by now.
“No, it’s fine. I can come to wherever you are.” Holding up the two cups in my hand, I ask, “Do you want your pills or your drink first?” I hesitated to say ‘potion.’ It sounds like a witch’s brew, with magic and everything. Probably the less I know about what’s in it, the happier I’d be.
“I like to take the pills first. After I take my potion, can I have some water or juice to rinse out my mouth? That stuff really doesn’t taste good.”
“All right.” I reached in to put the pills in her hand, then stop. Out of habit, I went to give Beauty her pills, but she doesn’t have hands. Her front legs end in hard hooves the same color as her fur with with no fingers or tentacles to grab things with.
“Sorry to ask this, but do I need to put the pills in your mouth? I don’t know how ponies do things.” I hoped that didn’t come across as offensive.
“Oh, I can take them.” She reaches forward with both hooves, and grabs the cup of pills out of my hands. She tips her head back and takes them just like anybody else. She had a mug on a little table beside her, and I raise it to her mouth. Her big eyes nod to me with what I hope is gratitude. I don’t want to read into alien body language too much.
“Thank you.” As I hand her the cup of Equestrian liquid, I see Beauty’s nostrils flare as she sniffs it, then tips it back in one gulp. Her ears tilt back and I see her face grimace. I offer her water again and she takes it.
“Never gets any easier to take that. I wish you could put in in those nice little tablets like you did with willowbark and jim-sum. You probably don’t have the right plants here, though. You’d also need a zebra to put the right spell on it, anyway, unless humans find a different way to prepare it.”
“I have no idea about any of that. I was more surprised that our pills work on ponies.”
Beauty snorts. “All the unicorns have worked themselves into a frenzy with how compatible our biology is, and it’s going to keep up for another fifty years. They send me weekly letters to see if I’m dying on a strange planet with no princess to raise the sun. They see me as a test subject more than anything. They might come after you next, to see if my presence leads to ‘thaumic awakening’ or some other such nonsense.”
This is over my head. I’m not sure if I want to go down the rabbit hole of science fiction and figure out what half of that meant. If she’s been cleared to stay here, I guess no one’s worried about a ‘War of the Worlds’ scenario where we could wipe each other out with the common cold. I am curious about one thing, though.
“I’m curious. It’s only been a few years since the portal opened. How is your English this good?”
She frowns. “That’s … complicated. It’s a long story, and I’m pretty sure it’s something I shouldn’t say. Basically, we knew about you and your language for a while before we made the portal.” Seeing my expression, she continued, “We simply couldn’t find a way to send living things through before we actually announced ourselves. We aren’t going to fight or enslave you.”
“I have to take your word for it. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
Beauty replies, “Could you help me to the bathroom? I have a hard time getting in and out of this chair.”
I was afraid of this. Each new resident has their own problems and things they need help with. You have to learn that one person needs extra support on one side while standing, or another has a sore shoulder that shouldn’t be used to pick them up. Everybody has their routine and preferences, but the body mechanics are similar between people. I don’t know how to help pick up a pony without hurting either of us.
“How do you want to do this?” I ask. “Normally, I help people stand up by giving them a bear hug, but you walk on four legs, right? Do you have any particular sore spots that I should avoid holding?”
“Well, once I get on the floor I’ll be fine. Slowly pull my front hooves forward until they’re on the ground. Then I should be all right.”
It feels weird, touching her hooves. It’s hard, like wood. I go slowly, watching her weight shift forward until it is mostly on her front legs, with her rear ones still on the chair.
“That’s good. Now just push on my rump so I get up the rest of the way.”
I put on a pair of gloves, since I’m going to be touching a place I really don’t like to touch with my bare hands. I’m going to wash my hands afterward anyway, but it’s the principle of the thing. Beauty’s chair is only about a foot above the ground, which makes me crouch awkwardly to pull her hooves to the ground. Now, as I look at the angles, I think it’ll be easier to to reach around and pull on her rump rather than go around and push on it to scoot her the rest of the way out of the chair.
Her body was parallel to the floor, and as I pull, her rear legs move downwards to support her. Beauty’s tail, which had hung to the side while she was in the chair, flicks to each side as she stands.
“Do you need help on the toilet, or do you have it from here?”
“The seats are higher than I’d like. I’m rather shorter than you humans, so I will need some help there.”
I’ll spare you the details of what happened next. Pastel alien ponies don’t fart sparkles and poop rainbows after all. At least she’s continent, which is a minority here.
Putting Beauty back in her rocking chair goes easier than taking her out. We have a better understanding of how the body mechanics work. I did accidentally help her in the chair in a way that pulled her tail, but now I know how to avoid that.
“I’ll be back later to help you get in bed. What time would you like?”
“I’ll just push this button you gave me when I’m ready.” Beauty replies.
“All right. Have a good night!”
I leave and close the door. This was definitely one of the weirdest shifts that I’ve had since working here, and the most unique experience I’ve had in my life. Despite being an alien from another dimension, she was surprisingly normal. It's going to be interesting to get to know her. That will have to wait for another day, though. I have to start getting others ready for bed, and will be busy for the next two hours. No matter what happens, work stays the same.