//------------------------------// // Final Post-Series Special: Proteges' Correspondence // Story: Unpleasant Correspondence // by StormLuna //------------------------------// Dear Twibitch, You know what, I am going to flat out say it. You are a bitch, a horrible, amoral, incestuous bitch who has done nothing but shit on me ever since I entered your school. You pretty much forced me into a situation where my schoolmates could horn rape me if they wanted to even though I was the smartest of the six of us. You constantly made me work harder than the others and you always seemed to treat the others like they were close family members while I was always the outcast, I was always the one you only associated with if you either needed some special event set up or you and your sister needed somepony to bring you your meals in bed during your "sisterly bonding" weekends. Hell I'm surprised you didn't force me to join you two the same way Celestia forced her female students into bed with her. And then you decide to banish me to this third world shithole full of mindless hicks that are too stupid to be worthy of my presence. I mean seriously, you sent me down here to set up a festival and then banish me because of my ambition? I know I said that I could eventually learn enough to ascend myself but from what I understand, you did the same thing when you were the protege of that bitch mother of yours so who the fuck are you to do the same thing to me? Another thing, that dragon you decided to loan me is a disobedient little bastard. He won't clean the castle like he is supposed to, he won't cook my meals like he is supposed to, he won't re-shelve the books like he is supposed to and he won't try and lure Bunny Girl into my sex deprived, very needy hooves. I either demand a replacement or you go find a dragon egg for me to hatch so I can raise an obedient one instead of putting up with this lackey of yours that is likely making my life miserable upon your orders. Also, I know that after three years Bitchlestia ascended you into being an Alicorn for fixing Starswirl's spell. I would think that me putting up with three years of dealing with idiots unworthy of my presence and having to put up with getting shot down again and again by Bunny Girl should be more than enough for you to ascend me and make me a princess and then eventually take over for you and your sister. Just think of it, if I did that, you two could engage in your disgusting "sisterly bonding" seven days a week instead of just three and then every night. Don't think I don't know about all the incestuous activities you and your sister partake in. I know why the hell you always had substitutes teaching all of us on Fridays. I know you two can't go very long without being together. I see how you two constantly have your wings around one another and hold hooves during festivals and I've seen you two sucking face openly in public like you don't even care what others think of you. You two can go off on this whole "ancient sister tradition" bullshit involving close sisters but I have studied my history and I know for a fact that the leaders of the times before Equestria would likely be overthrown had they engaged in your type of activities....well that and homosexuality was not only rare but frowned upon back then. You know what? I don't even know why I fucking try. I know that I will never do anything to make you happy and that outside of bucking your sister, making my life miserable and making the lives of everypony down here miserable is what makes you happy. I know a fair amount about your mother and the shit she did to her proteges, even you and I will say this. You Twibitch are even worse than your mother could have ever dreamed of, everything you do is horrible. Let's see, you buck your sister, you imprisoned a guard in a painting and then burned it solely because he had a crush on you, you dissolved a marriage solely so you could give who was the princess of the Crystal Empire to those horrible friends of yours as a present and what really pisses me off is that you fine and tax my parents over the tiniest things. You fine them over everything from me or Spike causing a bit of property damage all the way down to me using fucking profanity in my letters to you. Hell maybe I should just go jump off a cliff or go get eaten by the hydra to escape this shit and then you can go fuck your sister to celebrate me killing myself. Hating Your Guts, Luster Dawn Dear Luster Dawn, First off, that is Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle to you and don't you forget it. For the level of disrespect you have shown in this letter, I am going to fine your parents 50,000 bits and if they can't afford to pay up when I go to collect what they owe me, they will be busy cleaning the toilets in the palace with their tongues for a month....hell maybe I should force you to clean the toilets down in Ponyville with your tongue for a month for this behavior too. Also, if you were to kill yourself, I would cast a longevity spell on your parents and they'd be busy cleaning the palace toilets with their tongues for all eternity and only get one meager meal a day so before you go contemplating suicide, think about your parents. Got that bitch? I do have something else I must tell you, when your parents enrolled you in my school they were too stupid to read the fine print that stated that they were signing you over to me as though you are my property. Hell I even have the title to you up here, a title just like what my friends up here have for Cadence and what they used to have for Fluttershy and Rarity before they had to surrender them. Now while Cadence become the sex slave of my old friends, I would never do that to you. Want to know why? I would never do that to you because you aren't even remotely good enough to join me and my sister in the bedroom....hell that is probably why Bunny Tracks won't let you initiate her. She knows what a horrible, dirty little bitch you are and doesn't want to become contaminated by you. You want to know why I "banished" you to Ponyville? I did it because your parents were complaining about what a self-entitled little cunt you are and how you demand nothing but the best presents for Hearth's Warming and to celebrate that Faust forsaken day that you were cursed upon this world. Perhaps allowing you to live in the castle down there is stunting the character growth we had all hoped you would get....or maybe it is preventing it entirely. Perhaps I should just have a small shack built down there and force you to move into it. I have decided, if your attitude doesn't improve in one year I will do exactly that, you would deserve it. Also, if you think that you'll ever be deserving of getting wings you're delusional. You have done nothing but disappoint me time and time again. You always screwed up in one way or another when it came to setting events up here in Canterlot up, my sister and I almost always had to use our magic to reheat the food you brought to us in bed since you weren't competent enough to get it to us in a timely manner and there was that one time where you didn't put enough icing on our cake. And you have also disappointed me down there as well. You didn't get that horrible monster ran out of town and to make matters worse, it was my sister's protege who got it calmed down and caused it to reveal that it was a changeling, one of Starlight's friends. You have also failed to befriend those rejects I cursed upon you and if you would just convince your parents to give you money to give to Bunny Tracks to allow you to initiate her, I might consider either giving you one wing or not sawing your horn off which is something that has crossed my mind. I am also considering something else, I'm thinking of maybe making you a temporary maid/sex slave for my friends up here. I know you'd love them, especially Colgate because she'd be rough as hell with you, hell she'd probably triple the size of your love canal after just a few sessions and the others, they'd make sure you knew who was boss in a big hurry too. So if you know what is good for you, you will lose the attitude, you will actually attempt to be a semi-decent individual and you will help out on the apple farm, even if it means breaking your legs in what I know would be a feeble attempt at apple bucking. And one more thing bitch, remember that I OWN YOU, literally! Your Master and Overlord, Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle Dear Goddess-Queen Starlight Glimmer, I just thought I'd write you and say hi. Again I want to thank you for this wonderful opportunity you have given me. Being Vice-head mare down here has certainly been a learning experience! I will admit, at first I was nervous that the students wouldn't like me but I have won the teacher of the month award for six months straight even though I only fill in for when one of the actual teachers are ill! They seem to love the field trips I take them on. Here recently I took them down to Las Pegasus to catch a few shows and do some sightseeing and they really enjoyed it. Now I hope you won't be mad at me but after they had all turned in for the night, I went to the casino and won 5,000 bits at a slot machine. Don't worry, I'll use my winnings for supplies the school needs, honest! I also want to thank you again for doing what you did to the ex-vice-schoolmaster down here so I could have this opportunity. I know you didn't like him and I know he was engaging in activities that nopony in the education system should ever engage in. My only regret was that I was unable to see you do it to him, that would have been really fun to watch. Well hopefully I'll get to see you work your punishment magic on somepony who needs to be punished severely someday! I hope to see you soon! Sincerely, Bright Beam Dear Bright Beam, How many times do I have to tell you that you don't have to be formal with me? Just call me Starlight, it would make me feel more comfortable. Anyway, I am thrilled to see that you are doing so well and that the students like you so much. Now I have been hoping to make this a surprise for quite a while but I just can't contain myself anymore. I am planning on using a spell to transform Phyllis back into a regular plant, albeit an immortal one, and bringing her home at the end of the year AND Twilight and I have talked and we both agree that you should be the head mare. Even though you are my protege, we have also agreed that you will get paid for your services, pay that would surpass what schoolmasters in other parts of the country would get. I am glad to see that your students liked the trip to Las Pegasus and don't worry about the trip to the casino. I'm not mad at all but I do think you should spend those winnings on yourself. I know how much you love pinball so if you wanted to buy your own personal pinball machine for your quarters, go for it! I do want to let you know that not only am I extremely proud of you, so is Twilight. She has mentioned on many occasions how she wishes that you would have been enrolled in her school but your parents felt mine would be the best for you and I'm glad they did. While I never plan on having any children, I could see you being that wonderful daughter that would always make me proud. Don't worry, I'll come check in on the school soon and I'll take you out to lunch. See you soon! Sincerely, Starlight Bright Beam, What I would like to know is why Starlight likes you so much? Why is it that Tiwbitch treats me like shit yet Starlight treats you like you're more valuable than gold? Twibitch banishes me to this shithole and expects me to do menial things and hang out with losers who aren't even worthy of being in my presence. However, Starlight has you come down here and you wind up being the vice-head mare of the school of friendship. What the fuck do you have on Starbitch? Did you somehow get the royal pony sisters on video bucking one another and you are using that as blackmail material? Is that why Starbitch is so good to you? Perhaps it is even worse. Perhaps she is so good to you because you do nothing but kiss ass and catered to every single little thing your precious mentor wanted up in Canterlot. Was that it? Was it a matter of you of you being a pathetic "yes mare?" I honestly think that you are even worse than all these worthless hicks down here are. At least they're not all ass-kissing doormats like you. At least they don't kiss ass to get ahead in life. You may be enjoying your nice cushy job at that friendship school but at least I have dignity, at least I don't kiss my mentor's ass and lick the shit off of it. I may not be living a charmed life right now but at least I have my pride. So Much Better than You, Luster Dawn Luster, Just listen to yourself here. There is a reason why Goddess-Queen Twilight sent you down here to set up that festival and then decided to have you stay. She thought that maybe some time in a smaller community would do you some good and you even get to live in her old castle! I would think you would be happy. No, I do not "kiss ass" to get ahead. I have been a good student during my whole time in Starlight's school, I have worked hard on my magic, I have made plenty of friends and that is why she thought I would be good for the job. When you do a good job and prove that you are ready to advance, you advance. I did just that but I think you have some problems that will have to be addressed before you can move on to a better situation. I think first and foremost, you need to lose this superiority complex you have. It is obvious to tell you have one given the way you behave. Second, you need to stop thinking the world owes you everything. I remember that one joint gathering between Twilight and Starlight's school and almost everypony in both schools was nice and respectful to everypony, everypony but you. I remember how you went off on the servers over how the food did not meet your expectations and you flew off the handle when you didn't receive that award for most sociable magic student. I am going to give you some advice, just calm down and take the events in life as they come. Most importantly though, be respectful to Twilight because she is the one who controls your destiny. Perhaps had you been respectful to her she may have sent somepony else down here to set up that festival and then had them stay to make friends. I hate to say it but you brought this upon yourself Luster. It is your unpleasant demeanor that has caused everypony to either hate you or at least not want to have to associate with you. If I weren't the nice caring pony that I am, I wouldn't be giving you this advice. Just take what I have said into account, it could lead to a much brighter future for you. Sincerely, Bright Beam Dear Ass Kisser, Gag me with a spoon and ram a fork down my throat. I know you really don't care about me. Hell the only reason you're trying to be all nice with me and give me this advice is so the royal incest sisters will think even more highly of you than they already do. Hell Starbitch probably promised you the position of head mare if you could get me to try and give an ounce of respect to that incestuous bitch of a mentor that thinks I'm her property. Guess what, I'm not falling into that trap. I'm not about to help you ascend to the position of head mare by being all nicey-nice to Twibitch. I have some advice for you now. Just leave me the fuck alone and stop trying to use me to further advance yourself. I have much more important things to worry about than aiding in moving you up the ladder. I have worthless morons I have to try and not kill, a disobedient piece of shit dragon to discipline and a doormat pegasus to go and try and initiate into my circle of friends. Have fun being nothing short of a tool of the incest sisters bitch! Hating Your Ass-Kissing Guts, Luster Dawn